Title: To Die for Love

Author: Kate R

Disclaimer: All belong to Joss. I make no money

Rating: PG-13 to R I think.

Summary: Ethan’s Choice

To Die for Love
By Kate R

Prologue:

"Bring him in," Quentin Travers said.

The Council was waiting. Wanting to see just how far this man would go for the one he supposedly loved. Quentin smiled as Ethan Rayne was fairly dragged into the room.

"Hello, Ethan," he said.

The Sorcerer looked at him acidly.

"If you wanted to see, Quentin, all you had to do was ask," Ethan shot back. "Why am I here?"

"We've decided to give you a choice. You see Rupert was fired because his heart is still too tied to the Slayer. Whether or not we re-instate him? Well, that depends completely on you."

"Oh?" Ethan asked raising an eyebrow.

Quentin nodded.

"Yes," Quentin said. "You say you love Rupert, correct?"

"You know I do," Ethan answered him.

"How much do you love him, Ethan? What would you do for him?"

"Anything," Ethan said.

"Really?" Quentin asked. "Would you die for him?"

Ethan did not hesitate in his answer as he looked at the fat Watcher. "Yes," he replied succinctly. "I will die for him. Is that what you're asking? Is that what I have to do to give Rupert his life
back?"

"Yes," Travers answered. "That is exactly what you have to do. I want you to take Ki Ren for Rupert. You know what that entails?"

"Yes," Ethan answered. "I know what it entails. Give it to me and we can start it now."

"Very well. You have one year and a month Ethan. I want you to take it in Sunnydale. He is not to know."

"As you wish," Ethan said.

He would do anything for Rupert. Anything including this. He took the syringe that was brought in and he injected himself with the amber liquid inside it. The first three doses would do nothing to him on the outside except weaken him. It was the fourth dose to the final Dose that would cause the hurt and lead to death.

Ethan sighed and looked at Travers. "Where is the rest of it? If I am to stay in Sunnydale then
I will need to keep the poison with me so I can inject myself in every month."

Travers brought in a case for him and Ethan counted the needles. 11 were left in it. He nodded and took the plane ticket from Travers. He would be back in Sunnydale in two days. He hoped he could avoid Rupert for the year and month. He didn't think he could stand Rupert taunting him for
continuing to love him.

As he was leaving the Council headquarters with Quentin's last words of "we'll be watching you."

All Ethan could do was pray that Rupert did not see him before he died. He did not want to know what they'd do to him if Rupert caught him. Something to make his suffering worse no doubt.

Watching from the window, Quentin Travers looked at two people behind him.

"Once he takes the final injection, double the second poison. I want him to suffer hell before he dies. Ethan Rayne is to be made to wish or an eternity of pain by the time he's dead. Just because it will be better in comparison to what he will have lived with."

"Yes, sir," the two henchpersons said. They turned and walked out the door knowing to be on the plane after Ethan's. They had a job to do, and they would do it.

The Council's Will be Done.

Chapter 1:

His last year on earth had been a quiet one. For him at any rate. He was sitting in his motel room, waiting for sunset so he could go to the library and watch from the stacks just one more time. Tonight, at midnight, he gave himself the final dose. Then, the waiting was all he'd have left.

He repeated over and over to himself "For Rupert." Reminding himself of why he had accepted death. "For Rupert. Everything for Rupert. Even my Death."

"Lets go, Ethan," one of his Supervisors called into the room.

She was a cold harridan bitch. They liked to make him watch Rupert be happy without him and actually, Ethan didn't mind so much. It was the only time he had to say goodbye now. And tonight would be the last. Just a few more precious hours to watch. He would be too ill to move much on his own after tonight.

He walked to the library knowing they were following. As if he would deliberately allow Rupert to see him. This was for Rupert, all of it. That meant Rupert was never to see what he was doing for him. It was never to be known.

That was Ethan's own vow.

He slipped I quietly through the stacks and watched. Oh, they were having a pizza party tonight. Ethan leaned against the bookcase and watched. Rupert looked so happy there, surrounded by his kids and protecting the Hellmouth. If Ethan had anything to say about it, he would continue to do so.

After tonight, Rupert would be reinstated. After tonight, it would be made right. Rupert would have his life back and he would be happy. That was all Ethan had ever wanted for him.

Finally, midnight rolled around. Ethan swallowed as he took the final needle from the case and placed in the exact same spot he always injected in. He did not have needle tracks on his arms. And that was good.

"Hey, YOU!" Someone yelled.

Ethan, disoriented from the injection, spun the wrong way and bolted out of the library through the main door.

On his way there, he slammed into the Slayer and knocked her to the ground. So disoriented was he though, that he did not realize it. All he knew was that he had been seen. Oh, Janus what were they going to do to him now? No matter, too late now to worry about it. He would have to face the music, thinking only "For Ripper."

He did not see that he had dropped the Syringe by his goodbye note to Giles.

The brunette girl, who had seen him, picked up the letter and the syringe and walked out of the stacks. She saw the look of disgust on Buffy's face and she saw Giles standing in the doorway to his office looking confused.

"This is for you, G," Faith said as she tossed the letter to Giles. "I found this on the floor by the shelf. I've seen that guy before. He's in the room next to mine at the hotel. Tall, thin, dark haired."

"What?" Giles asked as he opened the note. He knew the scrawl but instead of tearing it up, he read it.

"Rupert," it read. "By the time you read this I will likely be dead. Not that you care. I suppose you want to know why I wrote it then, eh? Well, to be honest, I am dying for you. Mr. Travers had me brought to England and gave me an ultimatum and a choice. My life for your happiness. I chose you, luv. As I always have and always will. I was told to take Ki Ren for you. I have done so. The night I leave this is the night of the last injection. I wanted to say goodbye. You do not love me so it should mean nothing to you but I wanted to say one final farewell. You are going to be reinstated, Rupert. You get to have your life back and you get to stay and be happy with your children. I love you, Rupert. I chose this for you. I will say now, Goodbye my love. Ethan"

"Oh, God," Giles whispered as he sat on the steps heavily. "Ethan, no. Please. You didn't need to do this."

"Do, what Giles?" Buffy asked stomping over. "What's he done now you have to bail him out of? Let him rot."

"He's going to die for me, Buffy! That's what he's done! I will not allow this!"

"Why should we care about him? All he is trouble."

Buffy next felt her head snapped to the side by a powerful slap. She looked up expecting Faith and stared. It was Wesley.

"You selfish bitch, B!" Faith hissed. "That Ethan guy is going to die so you can have Giles back as your watcher."

"She won't have me," Giles growled as he walked to his office. "Because I Quit!"

"Giles, you can't!" Buffy screamed.

Giles looked at her coldly. "I dare say I can," he answered. "Faith, Wesley, Xander? Will
you help me find him?"

"Yeah, G," Faith said.

Wesley nodded. He knew what Ki Ren was. He also knew he could mix the antidote.

"Giles, if you can get me the ingredients or an address for a store that sells them, I can make the antidote for the Ki Ren Poison."

"I--- thank you, Wesley."

"It is no trouble. This has got to stop. Find him before the month is up. After the final dose, he will have one month to live."

Giles nodded and the gang scattered. Leaving Buffy and Willow to do nothing but stare. Even Angel was gone. He had been watching and now he had vanished as well. Buffy, was not happy.

A warehouse by the dock:

Ethan was laying spread eagled on the floor screaming in agony.

He was tied in that position so he could not move. Thrashing only caused him more pain and he was gagged. He was losing his sight, hearing and smell senses. He could still feel though and the second poison, given to him in triple dose as punishment for being seen, was one that caused absolute agony tearing through him. He screamed around the gag that had been jammed into his mouth as they continued to touch him and the reaction to the poison was unbearable agony.

"You know, Ripper would do worse if he caught you Ethan. I know you would love him to touch you gently again but that wont ever happen again. He hates you, as he should. So, scream Ethan, scream because you know you deserve this. Scream."

His screams of agony, though muted by the gag, continued for 2 days before they stopped. Word had it that Ripper was looking for him. They smiled anticipating the beating Ripper would give him when he found him. This would be fun to observe.

Chapter 2:

Two days and no sign of him. But the motel room was still registered to him. Where was he?

Giles was getting very worried. Every day they checked here in the morning and in the evening. Both days there had been on one home.

Yesterday, Spike had returned to town and joined them. He did not say why, simply that his Sire had called for him and as Sire called, Childe answered. Giles had never been so glad for vampire etiquette in his life.

Spike was accepted places Angel was not, and most demons would talk if it meant egg on the council's face. Spike had managed to find out what the second poison was being used in Ethan and he had told them that once he was cured from the first one, the second one would be easy.

It was time to bring Faith home. 18 hours they'd been looking, still no sign and they all needed rest. Giles drove her home with Xander and the two vampires. Wesley was with Joyce and Dawn getting the antidote ready.

The only ones not helping were Buffy and Willow. They thought it was Beneath them. They thought He was beneath them. Giles was angry with that as well.

"Here we are, Faith," he said stopping the car.

Everyone piled out to check the motel room one more time tonight. Spike and Angel both stopped in front of his door and inhaled and cocked their heads as if listening.

Spike suddenly launched himself at the door, kicking it open. He staggered back and out a moment later and hit his knees vomiting up what blood he'd eaten.

Xander looked into the room and joined Spike on his knees in the bushes.

Giles walked in slowly and what he saw, while sickening, more filled him with a cold, violent Rage: Ethan, tied to the bed and gagged. Giles could hear him whimpering and he looked--- he looked terrible. As if he had been tortured repeatedly. Giles felt tears spilling down his on cheeks as he touched Ethan.

He heard Ethan scream through the gag and his hand recoiled.

"Ethan, luv, Shhh," Giles whispered. "It's all right. I'm here. Ripper is here. He removed the gag and Ethan looked up at him, squinting as if he could not see properly.

"C-can't be here," Ethan moaned. "Hurt me more. P-p-please R-R-Ripper. N-not here. Pleas. C-can't take anymore. Hurts--- it hurts s-so m-much."

"Shhh," Giles soothed. "It's over and done. We have the antidote. Ethan, don't argue with me. I love you too, luv. Don't leave me now, please. Don't ever do this again, my love. It hurts me to know you'd be gone."

"F-for you," Ethan whimpered as Giles lifted him.

"I want you to live, Ethan. Never believe those fat liars in London. I know this hurts but we need to get you out of here and someplace safe, warm and where the antidote is. I have you now and I'm not letting go. All right?"

He felt Ethan nod against his shoulder and he smiled, carrying him out.

"Angel, Spike," Giles called as he saw the two supervisors.

"We'll deal with them later. Lets just---just get him home and treated. Snythers," he said to the woman, "I Quit."

She stared as Spike grabbed her and the man tightly and dragged them off. He knew they would be where he could get to them. Right now though, his only concern was the man in his arms. Only Ethan.

Chapter 3:

A week. It had been a week since they had begun to treat Ethan.

Wesley said they had him in time and he was responding to the medicine. The poison was begun expunged through Ethan's sweat. Giles was the only one who bathed him though. It was almost entirely Giles. He rarely let anyone touch his beloved. Everyone respected that as well.

Or, almost everyone. Buffy kept trying to barge in and Giles snarled and snapped at her. No one else was to touch Ethan while he was sick it seemed. The only person he trusted was Wesley to give Ethan the medicine three times a day. Beyond that, he ate and slept in the room with His Ethan.

Joyce brought him clothes to change into; Cordelia and Dawn brought his food. Oz watched over Ethan while Giles showered, Xander brought him everything else he needed during the day, Angel and Spike watched over them at night when he would curl up next to Ethan. It was at night that most of the healing was done. Ethan seemed to respond best to his love. Wesley had said they were over the hump yesterday. And it was true. Ethan seemed to be sleeping better now than he had been. And he no longer whimpered at Giles' touch.

Wesley had said he would have been well of the one nearly by now except he was treating both at the same time and he had to administer the meds in equal doses and full doses of both together could possibly do more harm than good. Today had been a turning point. Ethan had not sweated as much. He knew Giles when he was conscious. It had touched Giles heart when Ethan looked at him with recognition and then his heart had nearly broken at the whispered words of "You do love me?"

It was the question that hurt and brought tears to his eyes. Love him? Of course he loved him. How could he not? Ethan was his everything. But the question showed those doubts and Giles hated himself. In running from his past he had run from the one he loved and it had led to this. Never Again. Ethan would never be alone again. Giles would not allow it. The Council be Damned, Giles would never allow his beloved to be alone again.

"Giles?" Xander asked coming to the door. "Mrs. Summers sent me up with some Pizza for you. You need to eat."

"Thank you, Xander," Giles said a he opened the door and took the pizza. "I thank you much."

"No problem, G-Man," Xander said. "Glad to help."

"Giles nodded and took his pizza back to the bed side. He sat in the armchair he had been basically living in and he ate while reading. When it was time for bed, he crawled in next to Ethan and gathered the thinner man into his arms. There, he rested. Knowing he was there to protect Ethan and knowing Ethan was safe in his arms. It was the only place he could rest.

With Ethan.

Always with Ethan.

END