Title: To Suffer

Series: What Dreams May Come 4

Author: Xandria

Fandom: BTVS Highlander and Star Trek

Summary: An alternate ending after Lover's Walk.

Archive: Go for it, just let me know where.

Rating: NC-17+ Noncon Slash! Angst!

Feedback: Does the Colonel serve chicken? Does Maccas serve beef? No wait…

Spoilers: Lovers Walk

Note: I wrote this after reading a few other Buffy / Highlander crossovers and was inspired this cool one where Xander is turned but becomes a type of vampire/immortal hybrid. So whoever wrote that, thanks for the idea. ( I think it was Richard Ruth, but I'm not entirely sure)

Disclaimer: They ain't mine, they were never mine, but the plot is mine and if you try to rip it off I will send my attack squad of rabid teletubbies (who I also don't own), and my flock of Outer Mongolian Vampire Skunks (who I do own) after you!

Date: 05/10/99

By Xandria

Alpha Quadrant. 24th Century

Xander

"There can be only one."

I lower my sword and sigh. I don't like to kill, even for self-defence. I don't care about the prize, either. I want to live quietly and grow vegetables. OK, I'd get bored soon enough, but it would be nice to choose to be bored.

My opponent was eight hundred years old, twice my age. To think, he was my age now when I had been born. I begin to relax when I hear clapping and I reflexively raise my sword.

"Nice show." I look up and sigh, lowering my sword again, gripping it tightly. My personal demon. Ever since killing me so long ago, I have never been free of him. I move, he finds me. I try to hide, he still finds me. I left Earth almost as soon as man could reach the stars and he still is able to find me.

"Oh it's you"

"Is that any way to greet your father?" he says mockingly.

"Gosh, I'm sorry. How are you Dad?" I say sarcastically. Words are my only weapon and I am not afraid to use them.

"No need to get stroppy mate."

"You're right, of course. I mean, you just turn up and I don't know what you'll be like until you say or do something. One day you'll turn up, be your usual demonic self then go. The next, you're like an incarnation of Soul boy! Why can't you just leave me alone? After four centuries I must be boring enough to you by now."

"Not when you're like this, love. You see, that's what I like about you. The look in your eyes when I see you again after a few decades. It really cheers me up when I see that. And to be able to kill someone again and again, to see that expression when you die, and the one when you come back to life. That makes it all worth while. And I get dinner out of it, too. I don't think I'll ever get tired of that."

As he talks I back away from him, only stopping when I come up against a wall. Spike advances until he is close enough to hold my shoulders as I lean against the wall. I drop my sword with a clatter and tilt my head to the side to allow him better access. My first death was when he drank my blood and he gave me his, to upset Buffy by turning me into a vampire. However, it didn't quite work the way he intended. As an immortal, I was protected a little.

I do have some vampire characteristics, though. More strength and better senses, a good defence against other immortals when they challenge me. I can still go out in the sun but I burn easily. Holy water acts like an acid on my skin, but I can hold a cross, it's just very warm.

I despise myself for giving in to him, for my weakness, yet I am compelled to obey my Sire. Spike. I haven't been able to lift a hand against him for four centuries now, no matter what he does to me. Instead of struggling, I move, to allow him better access to my throat, or wrist, wherever he feels like taking it, whatever he feels like taking from me.

I sigh almost in relief as that familiar darkness rises. It is better than being alive around Spike anyway.

******************

Spike

My toy tilts his head to the side for me and I grin as I come forward to drink. After four centuries he knows better than to fight me, but he still has spirit. That's why I've never left him for long. The flash of fire in his eyes even as he submits to me.

Human blood is of itself delicious, but his is addictive. It has a tang to it that refreshes, and after a Quickening its bloody intoxicating.

When I first saw him it was as food, one of the Slayer's friends. Nothing. Then Dru and I broke up and I came back to SunnyHell. I don't know why I was too bleeding drunk at the time. Probably it was because it was the last place we were together. And I saw that poncy Sire of mine was alive!

Then I came across the little redhead and she was talking about love spells.

Sunnydale August 1999

I kidnapped them, using the boy as a hostage so she would do the spell right. She smelt nice and I nearly lost it. Then the boy woke up and I did lose it. I only meant to take a sip, to show her I was serious. One taste of his blood though and I was gone, I nearly took it all.

"Stop. Please!" The girl sobbed as she hit me and I realised what happened. I didn't want him dead until I was finished using him.

"Sorry luv. I got a bit carried away. And my old Mum used to tell me off for eating between meals too."

"What makes you think I'll ever help you now?"

"Because I will go all the way. In fact, it would be just like this." I cut my wrist and let the blood drip onto his lips. He was barely aware, and reflexively licked it off. It wasn't enough to turn him, just enough to influence him.

"What are you doing?!" The little witch tried to pull me away so I hit her, flinging her across the room. Then I got up and left, to the sound of her crying as I laughed, the first since the break up with my Dru.

Then I came across the Slayer and my Nancyboy of a Sire and we ended up fighting together against the others. My head cleared up then except for one little thing. I didn't need some poncy love spell to get Dru just some good old-fashioned torture.

I left, then turned around after a day. Dru had had a vision once, describing exactly that taste. The boy was going to be Immortal and I was going to be there for his first death. And he went for a walk in the middle of the night. Is that asking for it or what?

A couple of days later I waited in the graveyard, then hid when I heard a sound. It was the other Slayer. Now she had potential, being of the kill first ask later type. Which she did, being too stupid to see he was not a vampire. Now since I'm the only one who hurts my new pet from now on I was going to kill her when she ran away. I shrugged, figuring I could always indulge in a little evisceration later. For now, it was more important to talk with the boy.

I knelt beside him and looked at him properly. So many things I can do I couldn't to other vampires. Not bad looking either. Good enough for dinner and a bit of fun as well. And he smelt better than the girl but that was the blood I think.

Bending down, I pulled the stake out and licked at the blood on his chest. Tasty! Then I tasted the blood around his mouth before kissing him. Not bad at all. His heart began to beat and I heard him gasp, so I straddled his legs and began to explore my new toy. Very responsive. He was enjoying it until he opened his eyes.

Xander

I smiled and enjoyed the sensations of hands rubbing up and down my body and under my shirt. Whoever it was sat on my thighs as they stroked me, pinching my nipples before kissing them. I smiled and arched up in pleasure as I moved my own hands up and stroked the sides then the back before moving higher to gently clasp the hair. Hair which was not long and silky, so it wasn't Cordy or even Willow. It was short and spiky, and for a wild second there I thought it was Oz. I had to know as it felt so good.

I opened my eyes with a gasp. The last thing I remembered was Faith running away and a pain in my chest from the stake she had thrown. All I could see was a face, blue eyes, sculpted features and bleached blond hair. I shut my eyes again, hoping I was still in the middle of a nightmare.

"Oh shit. Just kill me now." I opened my eyes again and he was still there, smiling now. The sight of a bloodsucking vampire smiling gives me a really big case of the wiggens. Especially one doing so while sitting on top of me and stroking my body.

"Well well, you're a bundle of surprises, mate. Instead of a vampire childe, I get an immortal childe. This is going to be fun."

"Fun? What kind of fun are we talking about here?"

"This kind. And torture. Pretty much what I feel like so you may as well relax and enjoy it, mate. As my new toy you don't have a choice."

"Toy!?! Get off of me!"

I tried to push him off me with my hands and lifted my body to try and throw him off as well.

"Oh yeah, that's it. I give you ten years to stop moving like that." I froze then and tried to think of something else. To my friends I was dead, so there was no hope of rescue, except by myself.

"I'm not gay, Spike! Not that there's anything wrong with that! Don't you have a very hot vampire girlfriend already? What would you be interested in me for?" I babbled.

"Well mate, I don't care whether you are or not, it makes no difference to me. As for Dru, she's seeing someone else right now. And I picked you to annoy the Slayer as you're her friend. Better yet, you're immortal too."

"Yay." He grabbed my wrists and forced them up over my head, holding them in place with one hand. I glared at him and he grinned as he leant down and tasted my skin, moving his tongue over my chest and sucking on my nipples, before letting me go abruptly and standing up to look around. I lay there sprawled at his feet and stared up at him.

My brain wasn't working too fast cause just as I thought to move he bent down and grabbed my wrists again, pulling me against his body and kissing me. His tongue forced its way into my mouth, plundering it as we stood there and I began to feel lightheaded from the lack of air.

When I started to slump he stopped kissing me and I tried to breath as he hauled me over his shoulder. I watched the ground move under me and thought seriously about being sick when he entered a tomb.

He sat me down on one of the sarcophagi, right on the edge, and stood between my legs as he started to kiss me again. This time he let my hands go free and I beat against his back until he stopped with a look of amusement on his face.

"Air…air is good…need air…to breathe." I panted, leaning against him weakly. He laughed and I glared at him again before opening my mouth. He put a finger over it as if to hush me and I stopped.

"Ah ah. You're right, business before pleasure. Its time to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about. Why don't you just do the vampire thing and then leave me alone. I've already had a hell of a day thanks to you."

"You can't blame me for the other Slayer staking you, mate."

"I can. It's your fault I was in that coffin in the first place."

"True. We still have to talk, though." He hopped up next to me and put his arm around me, holding me there.

"Why bother? You're the vampire, I thought we humans only had one purpose in your eyes."

"They do. But you're not human."

"Yes I am. Umm. No, I guess not. Am I a vampire then? Even the thought of drinking blood gives me a case of the wiggins."

"No, you're immortal. And I made you, you're my childe. Do you know how rare that is? That can only happen if the first death is by vampire. I've only heard of one other. This is the best!"

"Sit on a stake!"

"Be nice to your father. We're going to be together a long time."

"Spike, even though you've treated me better than my father, I don't like you."

"Hmmm, he sounds like a man I should meet. Anyway, it's like this. You do what I say and we get on. If you don't, you won't like what I do."

"What are you gonna do, kill me?"

"Yeah, and you'll wish you could die permanently. An immortal will turn up to train you. Learn well, so you can defend yourself in the Game. I'll leave you alone during your training, so you learn quickly. Oh yeah, don't ever try and tell anyone about me, you won't like what I do. When you finish training, I'll be back."

"You're not Arnie."

"No? Great movies by the way, but I am stronger. Oh yeah, something else, I'm going to drink your blood now."

"No! Don't!" I protested, but Spike stood in front of me between my legs and leant close, pushing my head down so he can drink. His teeth ripped into my skin and I could feel the blood going out. He forced my mouth open and kissed me again and I felt my own blood being fed back to me. He moved from my neck to my mouth drinking from me, then feeding me my own blood back. I blacked out.

Again, I open my eyes with a gasp, and the only thing in my sight is his face. Like I said, wiggins big time, especially when he smiles like that.

"What the hell was the kissing about!?"

Spike

"If I kiss or do anything else to you, that's my choice, not yours. Tonight was just to strengthen our bond. Tie you to me. Now I have something to tell you. Forget everything until later." My influence is not as strong as some, Dru for example, but enough for a boy now part fledgling. I staked him again so there would be no gaps in his memory and laid him back down by his grave.

Later, I hunted him and found out where he lived so I could keep an eye on him. And when he finished his training, deciding to go out on the road to find himself I found him instead. I had a great time that night. I don't think my little toy did, but who cares?

***************************

Alpha Quadrant. 24th Century

I looked at his body laying on the ground, then at the Immortal he'd beat. It wouldn't hurt to clean up, there's this chaos demon who would appreciate the body. Maybe he'll trade for some of those new Gamma Quadrant devices. I really like trying that sort of stuff out on my little pet.

Xander

I went to university with Adam's and Duncan's help. Funny, all I needed was a little positive encouragement at home. Its still strange to think I had the brains to do it. I've actually completed a double master's degree in engineering and anthropology. It helps with blending in, along with a bit of forgery and computer skills, anything to hide, really.

So I went on holiday and Spike turned up. I fled, using all the tricks taught me to hide my identity. I didn't want to feel that way, to be that way. But he found me. He was right. I didn't like his punishment. But I ran away again anyway. And again, and again, endlessly.

I wish I knew how he found me.

I wish there was a place too far away.

I opened my eyes and groaned. Looking at my battleground, it was nice to see Spike had cleared up things before hiding from this world's sun. Just this once, I wish he'd moved me as well. I was lying on the ground, it was wet and I was cold.

If I could stand it, Vulcan would be ideal, a desert planet no place for a vampire. It's no place for me, either. I tend to get sunburn very easily nowadays.

If I go to DS9, maybe I could get through that wormhole they have just discovered. Maybe the Gamma Quadrant will be far enough away. Huh. They probably have real flying pigs. If I go it'll get me away from the Game, and maybe Spike wouldn't catch up for a decade or two.

Or maybe I'll join the Maquis, I know they need people with my type of skills. Hiding and computer tricks. And I can relate. I don't like Cardassians anyway.

Yeah, both could get me away from Spike.

I have time to decide.

END