WHAT THEY LEFT BEHIND.

What They Left Behind
by Leana Effrenus

It's strange, I never thought I'd get out of there alive, I was fighting with Buffy then I felt dizzy and everyone was gone, or at least I was gone but it didn't seam like that at the time. I looked around me in disbelief for an age, then I started walking, I wanted to see the stars. Dru used to go on about the stars continuously and I think I know why now, when all else fails the stars are still the stars!

I wandered for a while before I noticed the sounds coming my way, people! And damn was I hungry, time to sort that out then I think. It wasn't hard to find a decent meal, even in my condition, he was laying on the floor passed out drunk, there was nobody else around and he wasn't going to fight, ok, drunk blood is
pretty thin but hey, any port in a storm, or something like that. I could hear too many voices now, they were everywhere, it was terrifying but so intoxicating, no one human could make up for the malnutrition I had been suffering, but I knew I looked bad, people were avoiding me quite pointedly, so I went somewhere quieter, and found plenty of tasty treats lying around in the allies, that was when it really hit me, this could never have been in the Masters domain, this trash would have been cleaned up long ago, so I was no longer in the Masters domain, but I was in Sunnydale, so what the hell was going on?

Then I saw HER, she was waltzing down the street happy as you like with a pair of friends, like she didn't have a care in the world, Bitch! She deserted me! She was supposed to come and I would help her save the world. How noble! How pathetic! And when she finally did turn up she would have staked me if I hadn't known where the Master was. Bitch! And those two with her, the masters favoured, Willow and Alex, what the hell was she doing with them? Ah, three heartbeats, so, they are human are they? Well, isn't that nice! I have no idea what the hell is going on, and I'm probably having some kind of psychotic break or something, but who am I to ignore a chance for pay back? Even if it is only in my mind for now?

So, what first? I have centuries of experience to draw from, so where shall I begin? I really don't feel like a long drawn out month of slow torture, and the last thing I can do is confront them in this state, so I think I need to recoup, go and heal for a while, there's plenty of food around after all, seems a shame to waste it, then I can think of something fitting for them, all three of them, Bitch.

A month, A MONTH! But at least I've mostly healed now, almost up to scratch, or should that be 'rend'? Seems more fitting. So where do I begin? Still haven't figured that out yet, I need someone to talk to, a confidant of sorts, so I go to pick one, it's getting harder now, the food has started to panic and the Slayer has noticed, so I have to watch out for her now as well, oh, and I saw myself today, or at least I think it was myself, I think that's what I look like. Been a while if you know what I mean! And some lycanthrope called him Angel, so I'm pretty sure it was me, which just confirms that I'm in another reality, dimension, whatEVER!

I may be a little nuts but I'm not stupid, huh, who would have thought I would say that about myself? I used to say the same thing about Dru, she was a little nuts all right, a wave short of a shipwreck really, but she wasn't stupid, one of the smartest people I've ever known actually, very insightful, especially with the stars! Where was I? Oh, yeah, a confidant, who will be the lucky guy? Needs to be a guy, women are to fickle, they change their minds to much, ah, there's one, Crap, what was that? Looks like lightning from a gun! Oh, who cares, this blackness is kinda comforting, it doesn't hurt anymore.

Part 2

Wow, it hurts now, hurts like hell actually, crap, I haven't had a headache in centuries, what the hell happened? Bitch! Bitch, bitch, bitch! Who the hell invited her? Or them? What are they saying?

"How could this have happened? You said the spell was only a small one Willow!"

"It was, it must have gone wrong, instead of finding the necklace we ended up with a new Angel, or possibly Angelus."

"That's not Angelus, I don't care what dimension he's from, that is not Angelus!"

I smile at that, the boy knows us! And the other me is agreeing too, the bitch is out numbered, even the old guy is backing the boy. And yes, I can call him a boy, this is no Alex, or Willow for that matter, they are truly human and weak, all the better! Though I do like his voice! And don't I ever sound good? Quite an experience that, hearing and seeing your self, knowing it's not really you, if my mind wasn't already fubar it might bother me. Let's stir up a little trouble shall we?

"Goodnight sweet Prince."

Oh, I see the other me remembers that, and why I said it. It was always so much fun to start the torture like that, why do you think Dru loves me so much? I gave her nothing but poetry while I drove her out of her mind. Did make her a little high maintenance though, that's why I let her keep William, other wise that delicious morsel would have been all mine!

"What?"

The bitch hasn't a clue, but I think the old guy has, he's looking worried now.

"That's quite enough of that Angel, as Xander said, you are quite obviously not Angelus so going on like that isn't worth your breath, now where are you from and how did you get here?"

"From what I just heard the Wicca wannabe screwed up, you might wanna deal with that before she does something nasty, or someone pisses her off, and I'm from here, well, Galway originally, but more recently here, and I don't know how I'm here or why you're here or where the Master went, or why they are human, or why you finally turned up, or how you can leave so much food littering the streets of your territory, or why the hell I'm tied up here!"

I must admit, by the end I had raised my voice a little, just for emphasis mind you, to make sure they got the point, it's not my fault they were wincing with the volume!

"What were you doing with that man earlier?"

I looked directly into my own eyes and realised they really were amazing! Wow, I have great eyes, yay me! I'm hot! Well, probably not right now, but all I need are a comb, gel and the clothes, a wash wouldn't go a miss either.

"I needed somebody to talk to."

Ok, so I know I'm whining now but I can't help it, he's looking all disappointed in me and I hate it, sad to say, but I always was a sucker for a sad face, those puppy dog eyes are fatal, usually for their owner, but fatal, I never took my time with the puppy eyes, except Dru, but she was an exceptional case, and it paid off in the end. Oh, bugger this, the bitch is looking at me now, like I did something wrong!

"What? What I do?"

"Angel, you've been killing people."

"Duh, vampire! Kind of our raison d'etra if you know what I mean."

"But you have a soul!"

"So did Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, Michaela Roeder, Jeffery Dahmer, Anna Zwanziger, John Gacy, Hannibal Lector."

"He wasn't real."

Nice pick up boy, must admit, I tend to mix things up at the moment, torture will do that to you, thought you weren't listening though.

"The others weren't. And who the hell cares? You get my point, don't you?"

"Yeah, but you should have stuck with the real ones, you cant mix reality and fiction, not like that."

"Oh well excuse me! I'm so sorry to mix my realities, see how you do after .."

Oops, said too much, well, what do you expect, I can barely remember who I'm talking to let alone what I'm saying!

"After what?"

Damn that voice! I don't want to tell him, but that voice!

"Tell me."

"She never came, the BITCH never came! They caught me, I couldn't fight them all alone, there were too many off them I couldn't fight them I was all alone, all alone, I tried so hard but there were too many of them and they knocked me out, I couldn't fight them, couldn't fight them, all alone, all alone, all alone!"

I know I was rambling, and the tears really didn't help at all, I felt terrible.

"The BITCH NEVER CAME!"

Part 3

I was so hurt, so sad, and so damn MAD! I flew out of the chair they had tried to tie me too and straight at her in full game face, I was furious, maybe a little nuts, and totally pissed off when he stopped me.

"SHE LEFT ME, SHE LEFT ME, SHE LEFT ME, SHE LEFT ME! THEY HURT SO BAD AND SHE NEVER CAME! SHE LEFT ME THERE! SHE LEFT ME THERE! SHE DOESN'T DESERVE TO LIVE AFTER WHAT THEY PUT ME THROUGH! I DIDN'T DESERVE IT, I DIDN'T DESERVE IT, NOT THAT, not that, not that, I didn't deserve that, she left me with them, I didn't deserve that, did I?"

I've wrapped myself around Angel, hanging on for what little sanity I have left and I don't care! I probably look as pathetic as hell but I have to know, they kept telling me I only got what I deserved, but I didn't deserve that! Not that. Willow was crying by then as well, even the Slayer was fighting hard not to let it show, the old guy looked terrible, I think he must know something about us, how we treat prisoners, it's the look in his eye, no pity, just empathy and horror, and the boy, or man, but he looks so angry too, as soon as I looked at him I couldn't help it, it was so much like HIM that I backed away, huddling in the corner, my body was shaking and I couldn't stop crying. Why did I have to go through this? I know I did some pretty bad things, but I am a demon for crying out loud! What do they expect? And, ok, I used to fell really bad about it but the longer I'm here the less I care, I was bad but the things they have done to me! I have more than repaid my debt; remorse and redemption are long past! I have paid in blood, pain and tears a thousand times over for what I have done, I don't care any more!

They are all looking at me now, Angel's looking scared, I think he felt it, the man is worried too, he might know, the girls are picking up on the others worry but the boy, oh the boy! He sees me! He really SEES me. All those years I thought this would be a bad thing! But I don't feel that different, ok, more pissed off than afraid now, but I'm still hurt! Damn it, it really hurts! I raise my head, look at Angel, then the others, and finally HIM. Funny, the girls still don't see it, but he knows, and he's coming over?

"Hi, I'm Xander. You didn't deserve it and we can help if you let us, if not, you should leave town soon, she won't understand. Do you want to stay Angelus?"

I could see what he meant, as soon as he called my name the Slayer freaked! And yes, I have spent too much time around the younger people lately, now I sound like them! The old guy grabbed her before she could get the stake out of her pocket, for which I am eternally grateful by the way, and looked at Willow, though she seamed to take it quite well, considering.

"Why the hell are you stopping me? That's Angelus!"

"We are aware of that, however, he hasn't even attempted to go for Xander yet, and there's nothing to stop him, so lets give him the benefit of the doubt shall we? He may have retained his sanity."

"Huh?"

"You didn't think I survived as long as I did by trying to end the world did you? I may have been bloodthirsty and a little over the top but I wasn't nuts!"

Way to go Angel! You tell her. Dozy bint, though I don't know if she does like that sort of thing, and I cant see anyone paying her for it! Not now a days.

"Why?"

I can't speak very loud anymore, I seam to have shouted a little too much, but he heard anyway, and understood.

"Because you aren't nuts, like Deadboy said, you deserve a chance the same as he does. Even Giles thinks so."

So that's his name! I look at Giles and see that Xander is right, it's written all over his face, now there's one even my old Da would have called a 'man', he would probably have even spared the 'English pig'.

"You, you, not you, I know, but HIM, and HER, they hurt so bad, so much, so often, so bad, so bad."

I know I'm rambling again, but I think he gets it; his eyes are so easy to read, its wonderful, to see the truth so plainly, how did the other one turn so bad? Ah, there it is, the pain, you can see it through everything else, so much pain, I wonder who did this to him? Made him hurt so bad, so deep?

"Who was it? Why did they hurt you? You, so pure, so kind, so pure, how could anyone hurt you?"

He looked so sad! But still with the honesty!

"My parents, if you can believe that, the humans are worse than any demon."

"Are they dead?"

He shook his head slowly.

"They will be soon."

I don't think the others liked the growl that went with that! The Slayer has gone postal and Giles and Willow are looking worried again, Angel just nods and grins, I know he's wanted to do this, probably for a long time, I suppose the soul gets in the way too much, and the Slayer.

"You aren't killing anyone buddy!"

"Why? And why haven't you already done it? I thought you were friends here? How could you let this go on?"

"What?"

"What? What do you mean what? The PAIN, the HURT. Can't you see it? It screams from his eyes, so much pain, so nearly destroyed, so long, so much, no hope, no help, nobody coming, she'll never come now, deserve everything you get, nobody helping, nobody coming, no hope, relentless pain, and blood and fear and hunger and pain and fear and hunger and pain and fear and hunger."

Ok, so I can't help it ok! It hurt for so long, and so hungry all the time, never enough food, never enough time to heal. So I threw my self at him, I needed the comfort, to be held by a hand that didn't hurt, that wouldn't find a whip or a knife just comfort, and I think he needed it too.

"Xander's parents are that bad Buffy, I've seen it since we first met, that's why he spends so much time with me instead of at home."

Ooh, now the Slayer gets it! Ah, here comes the guilt, she really never noticed! So much on her own mind, no time to think of others.

"But the jokes, and the laughing all the time, you're always so happy."

"Not happy Buffy, just good at hiding it. Xander has practically moved in with me since you got here, I keep them away from him as much as I can but you know what the police are like here, and they would only take him away and he would
likely have ended up in an orphanage or foster home just as bad as his own, he was safer here with us."

At least someone has been looking after him, and now I can, nobody will hurt him again while I'm alive, nobody. And what the HELL? Damn, I haven't cared about someone this much in over a century, and talking of which.

"Where's William?"

Part 4

As a non-sequeter I think it was quite good, and Angel got it.

"He's not around at the moment, he's still with Dru, and Darla's dead."

Thank whoever for that, she was a real bitch, even worse than the Slayer, and she really couldn't stand Will.

"Who?"

"Me."

"Congratulations, and thanks, saves me a job."

"My pleasure. What are you going to do now?"

"Stay here."

I think Angel and Xander got the rest of that even if nobody else did, I won't leave him unprotected, he's too pure, too kind, I can't let anyone hurt him. Slayer doesn't look too happy, tuff, she'll have to get used to it.

"You can come to the mansion with me, the others are around often enough, and there's plenty of room."

'nough said, Xander will be around! And my boy's smiling! Will wonders never cease?

"Right, well then, I think it's time you got home Angel, Angelus, you only have an hour till sunrise, and as much as I like you, I don't really want you here all day, and it's time the rest of you got some sleep, it's been a long night, we can meet here tomorrow at sundown, and figure out where to go from here."

I was right, Giles is a real man, I could really get to like him. Time to go now, I don't want to, I want to go with Xander! The Slayer has taken Willow home and Xander said he'd be ok on his own; I don't like the sound of that. Oh! He's coming with us, wow, great!

"You can stay the day if you like Xander, your stuff is still in your room."

"Thanks Angel, I will."

I really couldn't help the grin, it was plastered all over my face like an idiot but I really didn't care.

"You're gona stay?"

"Yeah, that ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, great, wonderful, I mean fine."

Both the bastards are laughing at me!

"What?"

I growl at them, I may not be nuts but I don't like being laughed at.

"Don't worry Ange, we wont tell anyone."

"Ange?"

That stopped both of us in our tracks.

"Yeah, got a problem with that?"

"Oh no, just don't ever use it on me!"

"Traitor! He can't use it on me either! It's so, so."

"Pansy, poncy, poofy, soft?"

"Hell yeah! 'Ange' isn't gona scare anyone is it? I used to be respected you know, not just feared, by humans and demons alike, if anyone ever heard me answer to that I'd be ruined!"

"To late Ange, having a soul for a hundred years already did that!"

"Oh for the love of Ares, what have you got me into? You just can't call me that ok?"

"How about when it's just the three of us?"

I can't believe how persistent he is! My boy doesn't give up.

"Is there any way to stop him?"

"Only by removing his tongue."

"That would be a waste."

"What do you mean a waste, and what do you mean suggesting it Deadboy?"

Angel only laughed.

"Have you ever tried kissing someone with no tongue? It's so boring!"

"Huh?"

"Nothing to play with, no jousting, no licking, no fun!"

"Again, HUH!"

"Don't worry Xander, it was an accident, Spike didn't mean to rip his tongue out before I got to kiss him, but he got carried away as usual."

"Oh, well, that just make it all make sense, it was an accident! And it was Spike, that explains it all, except for why you went on and kissed him anyway!"

"Well, I made a promise, I always keep my promises, it's one of the few things I have left."

"Yeah, I guess so, but really guys, that's just gross, and I still can't believe you suggested it!"

"It was more of a comment than a suggestion really."

"Thank you Angelus, and that is sooo weird, now I get to talk to myself!"

"Hah, you mean now you get to fuck yourself!"

"Hah, Spike will love that, I can finally tell him I took his advice!"

"Will you two stop that, not liking the being left out here!"

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of leaving you out Kitten, not ever."

"KITTEN!"

"If you can call me ANGE, I can call you Kitten!"

"Oh, this is beautiful! Deadboy, Ange and Kitten! I love it!"

Well, at least someone's enjoying himself, actually, I think we all are, this is great, and narcissism be damned, I am hot and I will have Angel, and Xander if I play it right! Hey! He only complained about the name, he never said anything about the offer! And now he's grinning, oh, I get it; I don't have to chase this time, though I may have to run if the look in his eye is anything to go by.

"You never expected that did you?"

"No Angel, I didn't, not complaining though, not at all!"

"Didn't think you would, lets get inside, the sun is too close for my liking."

Oh yeah, way too close, the mansion is just as I remember it; I love this place, that's why I bought it. Xander seems at home here, he must have been around awhile, he's gone straight to the kitchen, oh look, he's getting something for
everyone, oh, and it's the good stuff too, no animal crap here! Not as good as fresh but it is good.

"So, what now?"

Ok, I sound a little pathetic again, but I think I can get away with it, I have spent the last Zeus knows how long in a cell.

"Oh, I think the bedroom is calling."

"Well, we can't ignore that can we? Best get going."

It may be corny but it's getting us in bed, and that's all I care about, it's been way too long since I had any fun, and this is going to make up for it!

**************

So, what have we learnt? Torture is bad! Sex is good! And these two are my life, my heart and even my soul; I can't live without either of them. And not just for the sex, though that is mind blazingly good, but the little things too, Xander
makes me laugh, Angel makes me smile, and together they make me live, we are one. So, the Master and his favoured left me a shell, a husk of my former self, and took my soul, but Angel and Xander bought me back, and gave me a reason to be, and to be good, to an extent, I'm not Angel and I have no soul, but I don't miss it, and I don't envy him the burden, I remember the pain it caused, but now I am whole, I am not just what they left behind.


The end.