Where Can I Go Now?

By Linda C.

dragokatzof10@aol.com

Fandom: Buffy/Angel

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: R for language

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Co. owns them.

Warnings: none

Spoilers: Buffy season finale/Angel premiere this season

Acknowledgements: Thanks to Lady Moluk for her fabulous manips/screen captures at: http://www.squashduck.com/ltd/index.htm

And to Saber for the beautiful title pic at: http://www.sabershadowkat.com/buffy/Manipulated.html

And to Lazuli for letting me use some of her excellent Xander pics that she so graciously sent to me.

Summary: Reunion


Where Can I Go Now?
By Linda C.


Why am I sitting here, guarding the young whelp that would throw me out of his room if he saw me? I put my feet up on the end of the bed, dying (huh, imagine that, me 'dying') for a cig, hearing the beeps and clicks of the monitors and oxygen pump feeding him life. Because I've seen that same young whelp almost die to save me many a time, not because he cared for me personally, but because that's what he does. I've seen him survive beatings and stabbings and getting shot and having his head beat against a wall because he was late for curfew. That was the worst, seeing him slide down the basement stairs, blood running down his face, struggling not to cry. Sodding bastard, hurting his own son like that. I saw him grow from a scared little boy to the man who lay in the bed in front of me. And who hated me. I had told myself that I had gotten the soul so Buffy could love me again, but I had lied even to myself. I had gotten it for him. My friend, my savoir, my love. How could anyone not love this strong, brave man who fought so hard to save people who didn't even know him? He didn't want to be a Superman or a Batman, no frigging superhero, not him, just Xander Harris, a man who cared about humanity even when it didn't give a flying shit about him. And I had quit caring a long time ago that he would never love me, I just wanted to be by his side.

I had to stretch my legs, even a vamp can get stiff. Dead bones here, right? I walked over to the window, staring out at the parking lot, all bright orange from those nasty sodium vapor lights. Lit the place up all right, but what it did to human skin was just…inhuman. Ugly. The midnight shift had pulled in the lot about an hour ago, the nurse coming in, saying hello. They were used to me by now, sitting here in my chair, quiet as a mouse, staying out of his line of sight if he woke, which he never did, doped as he was for pain.

Maybe if I rinsed my face, I'd feel better. I slide into the bathroom, the door only partially open. He had stirred the first night when the hinge creaked a bit. A quick splash and a wipe made me feel more awake. Hadn't fed yet and I was hurting some. Time to heat a bag when I got home after dawn, then to bed. I stood, facing the mirror, wondering what Xander would see when he looked into it day after next when the bandages came off. It had been so long since I had seen my own reflection I could barely remember what I looked like. The long brown hair gone, bleached blond now, thin face (that I could feel with my own hands), eyes a little sunken into the bone, scar on one eyebrow that Angelus had given me before I was turned by Dru. My eyes, if I recalled, were an icy blue, like a pale fjord in the first days of Spring, after the ice melted. Angelus had said it was like looking into water that flowed with emotion. That was my Sire, complement your eyes one moment and beat you the next.

Would Xander be able to face himself in the mirror? Those deep chocolate eyes, like a little puppy crying for attention when he was young, just wanting someone to love him, make him feel worthwhile. Could he ever accept the fact that when he looked in the mirror now, he would only see one? Knowing that the other was gone forever, that devil Caleb… God, I'll be able never to forget that scream that tore from Xander's throat as Caleb plunged his thumb into his eye, gouging it out by the very roots, nerves severed, blood vessels pumping as his socket was exposed. I couldn't reach him, tried to get to him. My Xander screaming. I shuddered, hearing it again and again every night since it happened. At least the bastard was dead, thanks to Buffy.

I shook myself, trying to stop the scenes in my head. Fat chance, that. See 'em 'til I get dusted. I eased myself back in the chair, running a quick eye over the machines. I sat and watched, keeping guard, until I saw the first rays of dawn coming over the hill. I bent over and kissed him as I always did, softly on the bandage over his lost eye. My beautiful Xander. One last look goodbye and I ran for the stairs, knowing the exact path I must trace to hit my crypt before the sun was completely up. I could still dust, soul or not, and then who would watch over my love. I ran faster.

======


I felt the light brush of his lips on my eye again. Well, what used to be my eye. Gone now, saw it fall to the dirty winery floor after hanging off Caleb's thumb. I know I screamed. Then I woke up to being carried out of the tunnel by Buffy, Spike watching me. Like he watched me every night since I've been here. Oh, yeah, I knew he was there. I could smell him as soon as he came in. Smoke, leather, and that unique scent that's just Spike. Musky, a little bit like his crypt, but the scent of spice overall. I had kept quiet that first night because I was afraid of what he might do. Imagine my surprise when he had bent over, kissed me, and said he was sorry. For what, I walked in there knowing full well I might die. We all did. Even him, mister 'I don't give a fuck' Spike. He fought like a demon possessed, which he is, but you know, soul now. I also knew his pride, and he would have been so embarrassed to get caught kissing me. Especially by me. The person who hates him. Right. I haven't hated him for a long time. Buffy forgave him for that terrible night, when he had tried to rape her. He would never have done it, gone through with it, I mean. He just wanted her to wake up and feel again. And he wanted her. Hell, I know all about that. I wanted her for years, the jerky little donut boy wanting the beautiful, blond Slayer. No, I didn't hate him. Some emotion stirred in me, but it wasn't hate anymore. So I kept quiet that first night. Like I did tonight when he kissed me goodnight and left, a little faster than normal. I had opened my only eye and seen the rays brighten and prayed he made it home. Home. As soon as I got back to my empty apartment, he was moving back in with me. A crypt's not a home for a man with a soul. Besides, I needed help and he had always been there for me before. Always.

======


Oh, God, there's so many of them. They just keep coming, one after the other. I watch as girls fall around me, screaming with their last dying breath, trying to get in one last stab, kill one demon before giving up the fight. Xander is swinging that large axe of his, taking them down, back against the cave wall. Anya lays in a pool of her own blood, eyes lifeless. I try to get to him but I can't…too many of them. Buffy is bleeding herself from cuts and slashes, the demon in me is roaring as the scent fills my nostrils, enflames me. The soul is aching as I see my friends fighting, possibly dying. Girls that won't see a day when they have a child or even a sunrise. The man I have fallen even more in love with as we've fought side by side, his heart cold as stone now. My once sunny Xander, his grin no more. But he is my friend, we take care of each other. We've fought back to back, secure that we will die for each other.

The hoards keep coming, we are being overwhelmed. I grasp the amulet in my pocket. One hope, one prayer. My life - gone. I push Buffy toward the stone passageway, yelling at her to take the girls with her. She sees the amulet in my hand, watches me slide it over my neck. She grabs my hand and I hear her whisper "I love you" as her eyes stare into mine.

"No you don't." I push her away with a final clasp of hands, she screaming for the girls to follow her. My flesh begins to burn, my eyes seeing red. Where is Xander? I search frantically, knowing I want one last glimpse of him before I die. "Xander" I scream, beginning to see my skin blacken to ash. There he is, trying to get to me. I see the horror on his face, he knows what I'm doing. I hear him yelling, axe falling, cutting demons down in his rush to get closer. I raise my head, looking into his face, trying to imprint him on my soul for the hereafter. As I fade to dust, I hear him, my love, my heart. "Noooo!" Then I am gone.

======

We sit in Buff's living room. Not all of us made it. Anya's dead, almost half the Slayers-to-be are either dead or seriously wounded. Buffy is bleeding all over the couch. I still hold my axe, demon slime dripping on Joyce's carpet. I hope she's proud of her girls, watching them from Heaven. They fought well today and we won. The 'Other' is gone, the Hellmouth closed for now. But what a price we paid.

I can still see him...his hand clasping Buffy's, urging her to go. I see her gathering up the Slayers, him standing there with that damn amulet around his neck, eyes searching for someone. I try to get to him, stop him somehow. He can't die, not now. Not after all we've been through. I hear him scream out my name, he's seen me coming for him. No, no. I shut my eyes, still seeing that slim body darken, flames all around him, his blue eyes staring into mine, love shining. One last look and he's gone.

I go home to an empty space, just filled with furniture now, not that blond vamp who played his music too loud, stunk the place up with his cigarettes, drank too much, hogged the bed covers and who loved me. I had thrown him on my bed one night after he had been knocked out, pounded into the dirt by some big green 'thing' we had been fighting. I had grabbed him, shot an arrow into the greenie's chest and ran with my burden over my shoulder. He had woken up to me washing him off, clothes in the laundry hamper with my own. He had grabbed my hand, looked into my one remaining eye, his questioning. I had just nodded and watched him lay back, blue eyes following my every move. I patched him up, turned off the lights and slid in by him, pulling him back against me, his head under my chin. He was still there eight hours later when we finally woke up. He never slept on the sofa bed again. This was not the time to turn away any affection, we might be dead the next day. But I never told him I loved him. Nor he me. We just knew what we felt for each other. Now I'm alone again. I want him back. I want his noise, his smoke, him.

I've made up my mind after a few days alone, thinking. I touch my new artificial eye. So hard in the socket, still tender. At least I look normal now.
The Slayerettes have split off to their homes. Some staying with Buffy for a few weeks to train more. Willow and Giles have left for the Motherhouse in England. The G-Man is taking over as the head Watcher and Willow is meeting up with the Coven that helped her before. Buffy will be heading for France as soon as the girls leave, Dawn and her wanting to get away for a while. I'm leaving too. I can't stand being around here without Spike. No one can understand my grief, see why my heart is so broken. Except maybe Buff…she'd seen how he had changed, how he fought for good, tried to give us a reason to accept him. She had also seen how he looked at me, and I him. She knew all about loving a vampire.
But hers was still alive.

I don't know where I'm going. I don't care. I don't even want to live any more. My whole reason for living the past year or so is gone. The Hellmouth is closed, evil defeated, for now. The man I loved is dead, dust now, not even a trace left behind for me to collect and save in a jar. I want to die too. Maybe if I get far enough away. I want him back.

======

"Bloody hell!" I scream as my body forms around me. The dust settles and I look down. Black duster, black jeans and shirt, necklace on, all in order. Where the hell am I? I look up, strangers all around me in an office of all places. Shit, it's Wesley, the British poof from Sunnydale, Faith's fucked up Watcher. And a Black dude with a shaved head, a little skinny chit of a girl with glasses, a green demon, all looking at me with the same shocked look I'm sure I have on my face. They part and I turn to see…Fuck, double fuck, it's....Angel, his eyes wide. "Spike!" Now I know I've died and gone to Hell. My Sire, who hates me. Then to top it all off, another blast from the past walks in, the little vamp slut Harmony. What the bloody hell is she doing here? And where am I? I need a ciggy.

Angel starts his yelling, the others join in and I just get pissed. I turn to kick the desk but I go right through it; I'm in the middle of the frigging desk, legs under it, the rest of me sticking out the top. I turn around, Angel and the rest open-mouthed. I'm a sodding ghost. Shit!

"Buffy? Is she...?" Relived to hear she's alive and traveling around Europe with Little Bit. I'm too scared to ask about...

This could be fun. Been here only two days and I've pissed my Sire off at least every hour of them. Keep popping up, walking through doors. Seem to have picked up a bad habit of disappearing for a bit though. I don't know where I go, but it's empty...nothing to see, just Nowhere. It scares me, always surprised when I show up at the poof's again. I even tried running away and I get yanked back here. Seems The Senior Partners want me here, with him. Haunting his ass.

I finally got up the courage to ask him about Xander. I'm standing in his bedroom, looking out the window. He's forbidden me to come here, but have I ever listened to him before? Thought not. "Angel. I need to know...I want...." Sod this, speak up, you're a Master Vampire here. "Is Xander alive?"

I turn around, seeing him sit up, barechested. Poof always did like to sleep naked. "Yes, he is. But no one knows where he is. He disappeared after the 'Other' was brought down. He calls Giles every once in a while but he's somewhere in the States. Why do you care?"

He looks at me with suspicion. "Because he's my friend. And I like him, a lot. We get along, he and I. I do have some friends, you know, not like you, Mr. Broodypants, wants to be alone to whip himself for having a soul. I have one too and you don't see my doing all that 'oh woe is me shit' do ya? Oh, sod off!"

I leave him shaking his head, my smile turned away from his. Xander's alive!

======

I sit on the couch, not hungry even after going without food for three days. I can't eat, can't sleep. I can't go on any more. It hurts too bad. I'm tired
of being alone. I was calling Giles every month, but he can't help me. No one can. My heart is dead, like I'm going to be. I look at the long, sharp blade, my favorite knife that I once used to kill demons with, my love at my side. Now I can kill the other demon, the one that resides in me, the one that won't let me go, that keeps me here day after day, without him. I wince as I feel the first cut. The blood wells up, bright and shiny. I cut again. And again. And again. The knife falls. I hear a banging on the door. Too late, I laugh. Too late.

======

I look at my old Sire, seeing the tired eyes, the defeated slump to his shoulders. He sits in the chair in my room, like I really need one, I'm a frigging ghost now. I go to stand by him, concentrating hard as I put my hand on his arm, him glancing up as he feels it. Getting good at that now. Makes my head ache but I can touch now and move things. I can fight.

"Spike, it's..." He trails off, hand moving to take mine. He hasn't touched me like that in over 200 years. He was my lover and then he left. My heart never forgave him for that. I loved him. I still did, a little.

"What's wrong?" I say, moving over to 'stand' against the bed's foot board. I can wait him out...I have forever you know. Even if I am just a ghost brought back to haunt the hall of this sodding monstrosity, Wolfram and Hart, lawyers to the very demons themselves.

"It's Xander. I got news about Xander from Giles this morning." My feet slid out from under me, I dropped to the floor, keening out my distress. He was dead, my Xander was dead, I knew it. Giles had told Angel Xander was getting more and more depressed in every phone call he had made to the Watcher. He was traveling all over the States, moving month to month, restless. "No, Xander, no." I cried, my heart breaking.

"No, no, Spike. Not dead. He tried to kill himself this morning. He's in a hospital in Orange County. The nurses found Giles' name in his wallet as next of kin and called him. He's on a flight here, then a short hop to see him. He called me because he knew you were here. He had never gotten to tell Xander you had come back. This was the first phone call in six months. I'm going with him to the hospital. I came to tell you because Fred thinks you can go too, as long as you're with me. We're connected and the city limits won't effect you if we travel together. I have the jet booked for an hour from now. Guess it pays to own a law firm, private jet and all. Spike?"

I looked up, brain still processing the information I was hearing. Not dead, but tried to be. I would kill him myself for doing that to himself. Wack him upside his head, little wanker. I stood up, wiped my eyes and put my arms around my Sire. A gentle squeeze was all I could manage but still. He held me back.

"An hour? Right, sunset up there. Gotcha." He walked out the door, one last glance back, his eyes warm as he saw the smile on my face. Alive and going to see him. Then beat his ass. Yep, that's right. Scare me like that, make me cry in front of my Sire. Little sodass.

======

Fuck, I'm still alive. Botched it again. The bandages bright white on my wrists once more. Can never get it right, dumb ass. Deeper next time, more pills next time, more booze...next time. I can't even get killing myself right. And to top it off, the nurse told me that the doctor had called Giles and that he was coming to see me. Great, have to listen to him lecture me about how my life is worthwhile. Right. It hasn't been worth a shit since I lost that pain in the ass vamp who made me feel that I was more than the jerky step 'n fetch it boy, the kid who had to depend on a girl to survive. My friend. I wanted Spike. God, I'm tired. The pills must be working. Get good stuff in the hospital. Make you forget. Have to save some...

======

I can't believe he's alive. I didn't know that he had tried to off himself so many times. Thank god he didn't succeed. I don't want to think of this world without him in it. I sit by Angel, my thoughts swirling around in my head, my emotions so mixed I can't even begin to pick out which one makes any sense. Giles had seem relieved to see me, his usual staid English façade cracking just a little. The endearing mumbles, the cleaning of the wire rim glasses, the clumsy pat on the back, which of course went right through me. Ghost here, but it didn't phase him, just asked Fred how the 'cure' was coming. Like I was a disease that needed curing. I was so impatient to see Xander that I nagged Angel until we finally left early for the hospital from the airport, the black limo with its blacked out windows hiding us all.

So here we stood, an hour later, pacing around while Giles checked in with the staff, being next of kin and all, while we cooled our heels outside the locked door leading to the Intensive Care Unit for Psychological Care Patients. I was so scared to go in. Angel tried to calm me but I would have none of it. He stared at me, trying to understand my distress. Taking an unneeded breath, he stood in front of me, hand out.

"You're in love with him, aren't you? That's why you wanted the soul. Not for Buffy, not to be like me, but for him. So he could love you as a human being. Spike, you can never be human, even with a soul. As hard as you fought to get yours back, it won't be the same. You'll have to fight the demon every day of your life. Even if Fred can get your body back, it'll be a struggle."

"I know that. I just wanted to be with him, love him. I've watched his soul break in two, over and over again. Rejected by everyone he ever loved, losing his eye and his faith. I can't be everything he wants, I know that, I just want to be there if he ever needs a hand up, or a body to talk to." God, I sound like the poof. But he's right, I can't be human, soul or not. But I don't care, as long as my Xander is alive.

Giles is back, looking worried. Shit, I can feel myself wavering. No, wait... God, I'm in Nowhere Land again. I can't see anything, it's so dark, so alone. I hate it here. It feels like Hell. Let me go, I have to go…

Where the hell is everyone? Angel is gone, Giles too, and it's...fuck...it's midnight by the clock on the nurses' station wall. They must have gone. I have to see Xander. Thank goodness I can walk through doors. Now to find him.

======

Well, bad enough Giles came, but he brought Angel with him. The great brooder of all time, Angel of the sad eyes and the perfect hair. Just stood and stared at me, then held my hand. He and Giles had a little conference outside my door, I could hear whispers and mumbles, but no words. But it was good to see old friends, even I had to admit it. I was so lonely for so long. Rattling around the country without any ties to hold me, or make me feel like I was home anywhere. I want to go home. To Sunnydale. Start over. And maybe make myself want to live again. I can feel myself falling asleep. One last rub on my sore wrists, a final goodbye to the thoughts of suicide that have been with me since I saw him die. Maybe there's something in his old crypt I can take with me, so I can feel like he's there. God, I miss that man.

======

I found his room. I walk through the door, no creaking hinges now to impede my entrance. One good thing about being a ghost. He's asleep, the monitors a familiar site. His heart is beating in a slow, drugged rhythm, a little sluggish but resting. I stand by his bed, seeing the lines on his face, older now both in body and in spirit. He's not the boy I watched grow up. Or the man I saw fight his own inner demons after Caleb and almost win. This is a defeated man, one who has given up on life. And I have to make him see that without him, I will find someway to get myself out of this world I'm trapped in. What's the use of trying to get my body back if I can't touch him, hold him, love him? And I want him back, my old friend, who calls me bloodboy and Blondie and peroxide head, the grin on his face as he ducks my swat, who watches old black and white movies with me, throwing cheetos at my head. My Xander. I step back into the shadows as he stirs. "Spike?"

======

I swear I smell Spike. I look around my room but I can't see anyone. The door's shut, cutting off the light from the hallway. The nightlight's not on, since I don't like seeing the bags above my head and the blinking lights that say I'm still alive. I woke with his name on my lips, seeing him again in my dream, laughing at me when I toss food at him, his boots in my lap, his blond hair bright against the black cushions of my couch. He's dead, Xander, I tell myself. You can't go back again. You saw him burn.

I turned my head, something catching my eye. My peripheral vision is shot and I have to keep my head moving to see almost anything that is beyond my limited range now. Oh god, it's him. I must be out of my mind, I see Spike. And he's smiling at me, lifting his hand to touch my face. I am dreaming, his hand passes through me, I can't feel him. "Spike?" I call out to him, trying to lift up, the wires holding me down to the bed. I gasp as I feel a hand around my wrist.

"It's me, pet. I'm here." I can sense myself falling, my head is spinning. It can't be him. He's dead.

======

He's seen me and I can't deny myself any longer. I move to his side, trying to touch his face. His eye widens when it passes through him. I squeeze my eyes closed, concentrating. I wrap my hand around his wrist, 'feeling' the bandages. Xander looks ready to pass out. "Xan, it's me. Don't be scared. I'm here my sweet love, it's not a dream." He tries to sit up and fails, falling back on the pillows. I slide onto the bed beside him, my weight making the bed dip for a second before I lose my substance.

"You're dead, I saw you die." He whispers the words, his sadness making me want to cry. One tear rolls down his cheek, caught by my tongue. I'm going to be in pain but I want to touch him as much as possible; I would take any amount of suffering to be with him again.

"I did. I'm a ghost, Xander. The Senior Partners at Wolfram & Hart got me back. I'm haunting Angel now. The only way I'm here is because he's near. He has to be in the vicinity or I'd be pulled back with him to LA. I may only be able to stay with you for a short time. Sometimes I'm pulled back into the nothingness of Death. I had to see you, I've missed you so much." I can see his face clear, fighting the drugs, trying to comprehend my words.

"Leave it to me to fall in love with a ghost. You've haunted me all this time, nightmares every night of your turning to dust before I could reach you. I saw what you were doing, sacrificing yourself to save us, save mankind that had turned its back on your kind for centuries. I couldn't reach you. After you died, I couldn't go on in Sunnyvale. I left, running. Then I started trying to kill myself. I didn't want to go on without you, the one man who accepted me, faults and all. To join you in Death was all I wanted. I even fucked that up. Kept getting found before I went over. This time they called Giles. I was wondering why Angel came - it was because of you, wasn't it?"

"He knows how I felt...feel...about you. I had to see you, pet, before I disappear altogether. Fred thinks I might just go...away...someday. Dissolve
into the Nowhere like the dust I was. But to see you, hear your voice, for that I would go into death every time."

I lay on his chest, head on his shoulder. I ached, too long holding myself in this solid state. I began to weaken, sliding into him, feeling his heartbeat surround my ghostly form. I stepped back, his hand coming out to me, trying to hold me. I could feel the tug, the pull. "I love you Xander. I'll be back..."

======

He's not dead. Well, he's dead but not. A ghost that can touch and caress, if only for a few moments, is all I could ever want. He's back and I have a reason to live now. I don't care if he floats through doors or his arms can't be felt around me all the time. I know he wants to, that's enough. And he said he loves me.

======

I'm so happy, I could fly. Got a package today at Wolfram & Hart's, addressed to me. That chit, Harmony, god, what did I ever see in her? Yeah, pretty good sex, that's right. Anyways, I get a box and she tries to hand it to me. Hey, Blondie, not corporeal here. She opened it for me, me leaning over to see inside, and a bright flash of light goes off. Huh, some cheap trick. Then Angel starts up with his yelling and goes into his office and slams the door. Like that'll keep me out. I run straight at it - and bounce right off it, landing on my ass, hard. He opens the door, mouth hanging open, having heard the thud. I jump up and down, grabbing Harmony for a bit of a shag. Hadn't had none for quite a while. When I get her in an office, I stop and think. Do I really want her or do I wait until I can see Xander? Touch him with a real hand? My cock yells towards Harm, my heart steers me to Xan. Xan it is. The sodding soul is good for something. Did I mention I'm happy?

I give Angel a quick hug, wave bye at the babbling Fred and head for the garage, grabbing the 'Bird, stereo cranked up to full blast, heading for my Xander's new place down on the docks. A huge warehouse owned by the law firm, furnished by Angel's money, and visited by me on many an occasion. I can only stay there about an hour before I was yanked back to Wolfies. But it was enough, seeing him walk around, smile, laugh, watch me walk through walls and doors. Scared the bums in the alley a bit, but we had a good laugh over it. He's taken to wearing that sexy patch again. I love it, makes him so piratety. Is that a word? Sounds good to me. Love him.

======

I hear a pounding on my door. I didn't order anything and I know Spike just floats in. Giles wouldn't pound like that and he's not due in with Willow for another week anyway. I grab a bat, and open the door, my one good eye peeking out. Nothing. I open it wider and see Spike glide in from where he had been hiding.

"Come in, you idiot. Why didn't you just walk through?" I start as I feel a hand on my back, then an arm around my waist, cool lips on the back of my neck. I turn, my eye widening as I watch blue eyes flash at me, joy in their depths. I can feel a heartbeat against mine. A heartbeat? What the hell? He only had one of those when he was ...alive! Spike is alive. Not a ghost. I grab him, picking him up and turning around in a circle until I become so dizzy I fall in a chair, him snuggled into my lap. Alive.

"How? For how long? Who did this for you?" My questions flow, his eyes sparkling as he watches me. I stop when his mouth presses on mine, his cool tongue seeking entrance. My lips part, allowing him in, taste him, his whiskey, his smokes, his flavor of cinnamon and spice.

"I don't know to all three. I got a box this morning, had Harm open it for me, a flash of light, and I bounced off the poof's door like I was a pingpong ball. Great, huh?" He hugged me again, like a little kid that has gotten the best present in the world. And he has. His life back.

======

Well, here we are. Sitting in Angel's office, hand in hand, me asking my Sire permission to wed the man I love. My Xander, my love. He sits with me, his heart beating so loud I can hear it. Probably Angel too. I risk a glance at Angel, seeing a smile on his face. On his hand is a ring, the same one he wore when he was Angelus and had been locked away for centuries. He hands it to me, then turns over the band to show me the carvings on it. I had never paid much attention to them before, more trying to duck that large chunk of metal when it swatted my face. I gazed up at him, then over at Xander. I never knew.

The inscriptions were of the Zodiac signs for Angelus and me. And his was the same as Xander's. Perhaps we had been fated all along to be together.

I took the ring and placed it on Xan's finger. "I love you."

Any my love smiled back at me. "Always."



End