Title: Where? When? Gah!

Author: Margie

Rating: NC-17 (for the naughty sex parts)

Pairing: Xander/Spike

Spoilers: A wee bit through S5 with the whole Glory fiasco.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Joss owns it all damn him!

Author's Note: This is a little more angsty than my first fic given that poor Xander has to deal with a Spike that has forgotten that he loves him! Poor baby! (And the fact that Glory is around) But there are still a few laughs mixed in - I hope ;)

Oh Yeah - this fic takes place approx. 2 years after Who? What? Huh? Xander finally moved out of the basement, but moved in with Spike instead of Anya of course.

Where? When? Gah!

by Margie

Chapter 1 - The Plan (NC-17)

Xander was spending a lazy Sunday afternoon with his lover. They had just woken up and were now finishing up their make shift breakfast.

He stopped for a moment to watch as Spike emptied the dishwasher. He was only wearing a pair of boxers so every time he reached down for a clean plate and then reached up to place it in a cabinet Xander could admire his muscles bunching and contracting.

"If you want this place clean before the witches arrive you better stop staring at me like that luv." Spike said without turning around.

Xander grinned and stood. He too was only in a pair of boxers making his arousal difficult to miss. He stepped up behind Spike and pressed his entire length against him as he wrapped his arms around Spike's waist. He placed his chin on Spike's shoulder and leaned in to whisper in his ear.

"I think it's clean enough." He replied just before biting down on Spike's lobe.

Spike groaned and pushed back to grind himself against Xander's erection. He could feel the hard pulse of his lover's cock nestled in between his arse cheeks. His own cock responding with a twitch and throb.

Xander's hands moved up from his waist to find and circle each of Spike's nipples. He took one and began to pinch and roll it, while his mouth trailed wet circles along Spike's sensitive neck.

Spike's head lolled to the side, giving his lover more access. He groaned and closed his eyes as the sensations rolled over him.

"Xan! Fuck, I love you!" Spike cried as Xander twisted his nipple mercilessly. His hips thrusting involuntarily forward and back against Xan's cock.

"You love me, or you love what I do to you?" Xander teased.

"Both luv." He grinned and spun in his lover's arms, causing their erections to rub against one another. Both men groaned and thrust forward seeking more contact.

Spike leaned in to capture Xander's lips with his own. He licked at Xander's bottom lip asking for permission to enter. Xander opened obligingly and Spike dove in thrusting his tongue out to trace Xander's top teeth. Xander moaned around their dueling tongues. He could feel the rasp of Spike's taste buds rubbing roughly against his own.

He could feel Spike's cool hands wandering down his body. The muscles in his abdomen clenching as Spike traced the contours there.

When he reached Xander's waistband he moved down swiftly to squeeze Xander's hard cock through the rough material before reaching back up to pull the offending garment off.

They pulled apart to allow Xander a breath. "Bedroom. Now." Xander tugged off the last of Spike's clothing as they made their way toward their shared room. Once their Xander shoved Spike onto the bed where he splayed himself out with legs spread wantonly and arms held above his head as if bound.

Xander bit his lip trying to stifle the groan at the picture his lover created. He often teased Spike about the way that sex clung to the vampire almost leaking from every pore of his being. In moments like this Xander knew that it was more than just a tease, it was genuine.

Slowly he crawled up his lover's body stopping here and there to lick or bite an irresistible spot of flesh. When he reached his lover's face he looked down to see Spike's crystal blue eyes were flashing yellow and his unneeded breath was coming out in short shallow pants.

Suddenly Spike reared up and flipped Xander so that their positions were reversed. He went to work on Xan's neck, nibbling and licking at the bite mark there. Xander moaned arching into the touch, his dick pulsing with each lick.

"Please Spike!" Xander cried. He could feel his cock dripping with pre-cum. He ached for more friction to ease the painful member.

"Please what luv?" Spike murmured as he traveled down his lover's hard body.

When he reached Xan's groin he looked up with an evil smirk. "Did you need something luv?" He stopped short his lips barely grazing the head of Xander's cock. Xander moaned and thrust up wildly, but Spike was too fast.

"Please…" Xander begged. He opened his eyes to lever Spike with a desire filled chocolate gaze. "Suck me."

Spike shuddered then swooped down and took all of Xander in one swallow. Xander cried out, his hands flying up to wrap the headboard in white knuckled fists. His hips thrust up rhythmically, as Spike lifted up and then slammed back down to swallow him down to the root.

Spike nuzzled his nose in Xander's crisp curls. Just feeling the hot pulse of blood through Xan's cock. He slowed his rhythm. Letting his tongue slide along the length feeling for every vein and ridge. On each upward stroke he pulled his mouth almost completely free of the straining erection.

Xander was babbling incoherently, unable to form complete thoughts with Spike's cool mouth lapping at him. When Spike's tongue stroked out to slide into his sensitive slit, Xander felt his balls tighten and draw up. His hands came off the headboard and reached down to thread their way through Spike's soft curls.

"Spike! Fuck, I'm cumming!" He managed to warn right before he shot down Spike's throat. He could feel the muscles tighten around his dick as Spike swallowed automatically. His body slumping as the last of his ropy semen spurted into his lover's waiting mouth.

Spike made his way back up Xan's body. He smirked at the sated look that met him. When Xander's eyes opened to meet his, he leaned down and languidly kissed the boy's parted lips.

They continued to kiss and pet each other, until Spike could no longer stand it. He began to thrust against Xander's hip letting his pre-ejaculate cover the area there. The sweet slide of flesh against wet flesh made him groan. "Xan luv…ungh…want you." He punctuated his words with passionate kisses.

"Yes." Xander moaned into his lover's mouth. "Take me Spike."

Spike reached down and grabbed hold of Xander's right leg. He hoisted it up until it rested on his shoulder. Taking Xander's other leg to wrap it securely around his waist he positioned himself at Xander's entrance.

Grabbing the lube he slicked both his hand and his cock at the same time. Reaching down he kissed Xander once again as he pushed one finger into Xan's puckered opening. As their tongues played, Spike slipped in a second finger sliding them both in, out and around until he could feel Xander's muscles relax.

He had just the tip of his third finger inserted when Xander pulled roughly away from his mouth. "Take me Spike!" He demanded. "Don't need anymore." He pulled at Spike's hands until his fingers were free. "Just need you." He punctuated this last thought by plunging his tongue back into Spike's open mouth.

Spike groaned, aligning himself up with Xander's hole. He pushed in slowly feeling the ring of muscles squeeze in resistance. When the tip of his mushroom head finally breached the circle they both groaned. Spike stopped wanting to give him time to adjust, but Xander couldn't resist bearing down and taking another inch in.

His cock was half hard again, the feel of Spike filling him making it impossible to stay flaccid. Spike continued to push in slowly until he was fully sheathed within his lover. He leaned down careful not to press too much weight on to Xan as he took the scarred bite mark into his mouth and sucked. Xander's erection twitched to full hardness.

"Yeah…oh god!"

Spike took that as his cue to begin slamming into Xander, his hips pistoning at high speed. He could smell the salty sweat as it dripped off Xander's body, and it made him even harder. It made his mouth water at the thought of licking his lover's body all over.

"Touch yourself Xan." Spike ordered as he felt his climax approaching.

Obediently Xander reached down and grasped his erection in a loose fist. He began to pump in time with Spike's thrust, groaning every time his prostate was stimulated. He groaned at the slight pain as he rubbed the flesh encasing his over-stimulated cock.

At the sight of Xander's self-pleasuring Spike could feel his balls draw up. He wanted to make sure Xander came so he shifted to support himself one handed. His other hand came around to grab one of Xander's nipples and twist painfully. He was rewarded as Xander's eyes rolled to the back of his head and his cum shot out to coat Spike's pale chest. Howling his own pleasure Spike let loose.

They lay together, limbs entwined as they came down from their sexual high.

"Love you." Xander murmured as he snuggled in closer to Spike's chest.

Spike kissed the top of Xander's head and murmured a quiet reply, "Love you too Xan."

He still couldn't quite believe that his unlife had taken such a sharp turn. If anyone had asked him two years ago if he and the whelp would be shacking up, he'd have laughed his arse off.

It was Red's spell that had done it though. He and Xander had been at each other's throats for weeks when suddenly they'd been tossed into each other's bodies, each having to cope with being the other person. It had given them both a chance to learn a little about the other person. Xander learned exactly what it was like to live with a chip and the blood lust, and Spike had learned exactly where Xander's zeppo image stemmed from.

He sighed and wrapped his arm more securely around his lover. He supposed he owed the witch some for his current state. He hated being around her when she was performing the mojo, but she did deserve something for what she'd given him. For that he would be willing to at least listen to what she was planning.

***

At around 5pm Xander woke to find himself trapped in his lover's cool embrace. He smiled and reached up to kiss Spike on the chin, nudging him awake.

"Come on sleepy head! The girls are going to be here any minute." Xander scrambled off the bed searching for his jeans and a less rumpled t-shirt.

"Told ya, it was either sex or a clean apartment. You chose sex." Spike grumbled and rolled back over onto his side.

Xander laughed and smacked Spike on his bare ass, causing the vamp to yelp. "Come on! We still have a few minutes to do a quick sweep." Xander shuffled out of the way as Spike tried to grab him.

He could hear a mumbled, "Demanding whelp!" as he walked out into the living room. He grinned and began to gather the newspaper and other odds and ends to stack them neatly on the coffee table.

They were in the kitchen cleaning up the last of their breakfast dishes and stealing a few kisses along the way, when the doorbell chimed. Xander opened it to reveal Willow and Tara. The red witch holding the blonde by the arm and cooing soft words of love and comfort at her.

Xander's light mood vanished as he gazed at his longtime friend and her lover. His heart ached to think that it could just as easily have been his lover, if not for the fact that he was "tainted" as Glory put it. As it was, Spike had been tortured and nearly beaten to death at the hands of the hell goddess.

"Come on in Wills. Tara." Xander gestured them both into the living room.

Willow led Tara to the sofa and sat her down, taking the seat beside her. She waited until both Spike and Xander had joined them before beginning.

"I have an idea. To help Tara I mean." She began tentatively. "There's a spell that I know. I think that I can modify it a little so that it can help." She stole a glance at the girl beside her.

Tara was sitting peacefully, playing with a strand of her hair. She had a soft smile on her face and it made Willow's heart ache. She knew that there was no more intelligence behind that smile. At least if there was, it was trapped behind an impenetrable wall. And wasn't that a horrific idea? What if underneath all the madness Tara was there, screaming to get out? Goddess she needed to help her!

"It will make her forget." At the confused looks she continued. "Forget what Glory did to her. Forget that she's lost her mind. I think it might bring her back." Willow said that last part quietly, with more than just a little hope.

"I don't know Will. What if it goes wrong? Or what if it doesn't do anything at all?" Xander reached out to grab a hold of his best friend's hand. "I don't want you to be disappointed."

"I'll take that chance. What's a little disappointment? It's a chance to bring her back, and I can't just walk away from that." Willow pled, turning her puppy dog eyes on them both. "Would you, if it were Spike? Or Xander?" She turned to question each of them.

"I’d risk anything for Xan."

"I'd risk anything for Spike."

They both spoke at once. They turned to give soft smiles to each other before returning to Willow's earnest stare.

"What about the spell itself? You said you'd have to change it somehow?" Spike asked, wary of the implications.

"I know it sounds dangerous, but it's not really. I just have to change the focus from general memories to a specific moment in time. The moment that insanity descended." Willow explained.

Spike sighed. Willow was right. They couldn't leave Tara as she was. And if this had happened to his Xanpet, he wouldn't think twice about the risks. He nodded once, reaching out to grasp Xander's free hand in his own. "We'll help." He answered for them both.

Chapter 2 - The Spell

Tara sat on the floor of the Magic Box surrounded by Willow, Buffy, Xander, and Spike. Willow had poured a circle of sand around the girl, and was now setting up a candle in front of each participant. They were each sitting at one of the four corners - North, South, East, and West.

Willow had made sure that Giles would be out on an errand while they did the spell. She knew that Giles didn't approve of her manipulating the magicks for a spell this powerful, especially when

she had to modify it to her needs.

"Okay," she began as she seated herself at the North position. "Grab hands, and don't let go." She cautioned them.

"The spell is in Latin, so you won't be able to understand it. But you all know what we're trying to do." She stared at each one as they nodded ascent, before continuing. "If this works, Tara will be back with us." She gave her love a soft look.

Each candle was lit and the lights dimmed before all four scooby members took hold of each other's hands. Xander took a deep breath, hoping for the sake of his best friend and her girlfriend that this would work. He glanced at his right, the South position, to see Spike and flashed back to their earlier conversation.

***

"I'm worried pet."

"I know Spike, but we have to try."

"It's just that whenever Red messes with the mojo, you or I tend to get zapped along the way." Spike gave Xander a concerned look.

"Don't worry." He grasped Spike's hand and squeezed. "Nothing's going to happen."

They shared a brief kiss before heading over to the shop.

***

As Xander came back to himself he heard Willow punctuate the chant with a final "Tabula Rasa!" And then suddenly there was wind whipping through the room. The candles were flickering madly and Tara began a keening wail.

Sobs racked Tara's body as it was lifted off the ground, levitating a few feet in the air. Her hands came up to her face and began to rake long fingernails along her cheeks and neck.

Seeing this Spike lunged forward to stop the girl from hurting herself further. He heard Willow's desperate cry and Xander's anguished howl as he broke the circle and tackled the blonde witch.

"No!" Xander saw everything in slow motion. His lover leapt to Tara's defense dropping Xander's and Buffy's hands to reach her. He heard Willow's warning and saw the flash of light as Spike breached the circle of sand and made contact with Tara.

Then suddenly the room was deathly quiet.

Xander scrambled to his feet and rushed toward Spike. He wasn't moving, but at least he wasn't dust. Without breath or pulse he couldn't tell how badly hurt his love had been.

Willow was kneeling next to him her hand wrapped around Tara's wrist, searching for a pulse. Tara's breathing was shallow, but steady. As the minutes passed Willow could tell that they were

growing stronger, as was the beat of her heart.

"Spike please." Xander murmured as he ran a soothing hand through Spike's curls. He'd positioned them so that Spike's head was in his lap and he continued to pet and whisper quiet words to his vamp.

Tara's eyes blinked open and she squinted up at Willow, whose tears were falling quietly down her face. "Tara baby?" She asked quietly, pleading.

"W-willow?" Tara's mouth was dry. She swallowed trying to bring more saliva out to wet it down. "What happened?"

At Tara's coherent reply, Willow let out a ragged sob. She wrapped her arms around her lover and brought her up to squeeze against her chest.

After her heart rate slowed to a more normal level, she eased Tara away from her. "Tara honey? Do you know who I am?" Her eyes bored down into those of her girlfriend.

"Of course Willow. Why wouldn’t I?" Tara was perplexed.

Buffy sat quietly as Willow took in the fact that Tara's mind had been returned to her. At Tara's convulsive swallowing she stood to retrieve a glass of water from the kitchenette. While she was there she grabbed a blood bag for Spike and heated it in the microwave. She assumed that he would probably need one when he woke as well.

She returned to the main shop to find Willow placing soft kisses all over Tara's face. Spike was still unconscious and laying in Xander's lap. She could see unshed tears pooling in Xander's eyes and she quickly knelt beside him to place a hand of support on his shoulder.

He looked up at her, blinking rapidly. One tear, then two slid slowly down his cheek. His head snapped back down as he felt the vampire stir below him.

"Spike?" He whispered softly.

Spike's lids opened to reveal ice blue eyes staring up at him. A grin split Xander's face and the few tears that hadn't yet been shed fell. He leaned down to kiss Spike softly on the lips, reassuring himself that his lover was awake and still non-dusty.

When he pulled back Spike's face was a mix of confusion and embarrassment.

Quickly Xander patted his lover's body, searching for injuries. He berated himself for not checking earlier, but when he found nothing of significance he glanced back up at Spike's face.

"What's the matter Spike? Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?" Xander asked. The look of confusion still masking his lover's cherub features.

Xander stared at him willing him to speak. When he finally did, Xander's heart nearly stopped.

"Who are you?"

***

They all sat around Giles' living room, the ex-watcher finishing up his lecture on the proper use of magicks. Spike sat quietly in one corner, confusion and fear rolling off him in waves. Xander sat miserably on the couch, trying not to focus pleading eyes on his forgetful vamp.

"Now, I'll have to go over exactly the spell that Willow used if I'm to go about reversing it for Spike." Giles gave Willow a stern look.

She tried to look contrite, tried to be sorry, but all she felt was relief and joy that Tara was well again. When she turned toward the girl next to her, her eyes swept across the room landing briefly on the hunched form of her best friend. The happiness suffusing her body dimmed slightly knowing that she had caused the pain that he was now feeling.

"I'm sorry Xander." She said quietly.

"I know Wills. It's not really your fault I guess. Spike knew he shouldn't have broken the circle. You warned us all." Xander tried to be gracious.

"Don't worry Xander, we can reverse the spell." Giles was reassuring. "It will just take some time to work out."

"Time we don’t have." Xander looked up, eyes dark and sad. "We have to concentrate on Glory."

Giles wandered over to the couch, sitting down next to his pseudo-son. He placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "We'll make the time."

"Thanks." Xander gave him a brief smile, before glancing quickly at Spike then looking away.

Giles turned in his seat, now facing the vampire. "What do you remember Spike?"

William didn't answer, still trying to take in his surroundings. He was thoroughly confused and hadn't really understood a word any of the people around him had been saying. What was a scooby? And who was Spike?

"Spike?" Giles tried again.

"I'm sorry sir, are you speaking to me?" William asked politely.

Giles raised his eyebrow and stared at the man in front of him. Spike's accent had changed and he no longer sounded like a street urchin. "Yes. Can you tell me what you remember?"

"Well sir…" William thought back to his last clear memory. "I remember leaving the party. I was in a dreadful hurry. I'm afraid I might have been a bit rude to a few of the people that I met along my route home." He furrowed his brow in thoughtful concern. "Although I don't quite remember returning home. Did I hit my head along the way?"

"The party?" Buffy asked realization dawning.

"Yes miss. It was held at Cecily Adams house. Do you know her?" He asked at the look of recognition on Buffy's face.

"No. I'm afraid that I don't." She answered automatically while gesturing to Xander and Giles to follow her to the kitchen. "Please excuse us."

William nodded his head in ascent as they made their way out of the room.

Xander was hyperventilating. Buffy was explaining what he already knew. Over the course of their relationship Spike had been more and more forthcoming about his life before he was turned. Xander knew all the details of the turning as well. So he was more than aware of how much time Spike had lost.

"He doesn't remember anything! What are we going to do?" Buffy asked, wincing as she noticed the affect her words had on Xander. "Sorry Xan."

"'S okay." He mumbled back, hoping that Giles would have an answer.

"Well, I'm afraid that we'll just have to explain to him what has happened and some of the things that he's forgotten. He needs to know the basics so that he can take care of himself. At least until we can reverse the spell." Giles tried to comfort Xander with the firm belief that they WOULD reverse the spell.

They returned to the living room, once again seating themselves on the couch to face Spike.

"Spike - " Giles began.

"Why do you persist in calling me that?" William interrupted, frustration and agitation making him forget his manners.

"Er…um…What would you like us to call you?"

"William is my christian name." He answered.

"Okay then. William it is." Giles placated. "William, there are a few things we need to tell you. About what happened that night, and since that night." Giles began.

"William, have you heard of vampires?"

"You mean those stories made up to scare children?" Will answered with a smirk that made Xander ache inside.

"They're not made up Spi - um…William. They're real. And I'm the Vamiper Slayer." Buffy interrupted.

"Buffy please." Giles reprimanded.

Had he fallen in with a group of madmen? Vampires real? Maybe he'd hit his head harder than he thought and he was still unconscious in the hopsital?

Giles turned back to William. "I'm afraid she is correct William. I know this is difficult to believe, but do you remember the people you thought you might have been rude to on the way home that night?"

William nodded slowly.

"They were vampires. They found you later and they turned you."

"Turned me? What does that mean?" William's face was taking on a look of concern. What had happened to him that night?

Xander leaned forward desperately wishing he could take Spike's hand. Instead he settled for staring deeply into his eyes. "It means…William, that you're a vampire now too."

"What? That's ridiculous!" William decreed.

"It's true. That was over a hundred years ago. You've been a vampire ever since." Willow chimed in, trying to reason with him.

"Now I know you're all barmy! 100 years! That is clearly impossible." "Look around you Will." Xander implored. "Have you ever seen these things before?" Xander gestured toward the TV and the stereo. He could see the lines on Spike's forehead crinkling in confusion.

"We aren't trying to trick you. We just want you to understand." Xander willed Spike to believe him. "Wills accidentally hit you with a spell and you've just forgotten a few things, but we'll fix it soon. I promise."

William looked around him spying things he'd never even imagined were possible. There were bright lights shining through the flat. Lights that didn't look anything like burning torches, or candles. He wasn't sure what the boxes the young man had pointed out were supposed to do, but they certainly didn't appear familiar.

"Where are we? Are we still in England?" He asked quietly, not quite believing the evidence yet.

"No. We're in Sunnydale, California. That's in the Americas. The United States of America, that is." Xander answered softly.

"And what year is it?" William was slowly trying to process the conversation.

"It's 2001." Xander answered.

There was silence for a few moments. William continued to look around the room. His gaze fell on each scooby as he swept his eyes back and forth. Even if the room itself weren't so odd, the occupants of the room definitely did not belong. The young ladies were dressed extremely scantily. And the gentlemen were wearing what looked like servant's clothing, at least the young man was.

And for the first time that night William stopped to study himself. His clothes were in disarray, and were certainly not what he remembered himself last wearing. Of course if he had been taken to hospital they would probably have fitted him with one of their gowns. But these did not appear to be hospital clothing either.

He sighed, the confusion and fear returning to fill his being almost beyond bearing. He turned his head wanting to meet the eyes of the young man who had seemed so earnestly concerned for him earlier. They sat staring at each other for a few minutes before he finally spoke again.

"Where?" Will shook his head. Xander wanted to reach out and smooth the worry lines streaking across his lover's face. "When?" Will looked so lost, Xander's fingers itched to move, but he held

himself back.

He knew the moment the information finally sunk into Spike's brain. He stood and began to make his way over to the vampire, knowing that a melt down was about to occur. When it hit, he was already sitting by Spike's side. "Gah!"

Chapter 3 - The Breakdown

Xander automatically reached out to wrap his arms around Spike. The vampire's body was shaking and he was continually repeating the phrase, "no it is quite impossible," in a frantic whisper.

"Shhh. It'll be okay Will." Xander rocked him back and forth, cradling him in his embrace. "I'll take care of you." He leaned down and gently placed a kiss on top of Will's crown of blonde hair.

At the feel of Xander's soft lips, Will leapt to his feet. He was extremely embarrassed and could not for the life of him figure out why he was not a deep crimson. This young man had kissed him twice tonight! Once on the lips! Will had never kissed another person before, except for mother of course. Let alone another gentleman. And on the lips! What was going on?

Xander quickly masked his expression of hurt, realizing that it wasn't Spike's fault that he no longer remembered his life. He stomped down on the feelings of anger toward Willow and frustration in general that were threatening to swamp him.

"I'm sorry Will." Xander tried to apologize, but Spike held up a hand to forestall him.

"I don't believe any of this." Will was adamant. "I don't know what you've done. If you've somehow drugged me, or if you have indeed invented some sort of time traveling device that has brought me here. But I know that I am most definitely not some mythical vampire creature!"

Will retreated to the other side of the room, placing himself as far from the others as possible. He sat down his arms coming around to cross and hug his waist. "And I do not believe in witches, or spells, or…or…any of this!" Like a child throwing a tantrum Will expelled his last breath and then sat gracing the group with a stubborn yet somehow vulnerable look.

"Will." Xander tried to approach, but stopped as soon as he saw Spike flinch at his first step. He swallowed the lump in his throat and continued. "Look at yourself. Are you anything like you last

remember? Haven't you noticed that you haven't taken a breath since you woke? Try to feel for your pulse." Xander watched as Spike lifted a hand to his neck, searching for the non-existent heartbeat. "It's not there is it?" He asked softly.

"That doesn't mean anything." Spike's voice was a whisper. "I'm not a proper doctor."

"Will, I know you're scared. I know you don't have a reason to trust us, but please…" Xander begged. "If you could remember you'd know that you trust us with your life." Xander tried to stop the tear from falling but failed. He wiped it away quickly.

"Look at yourself." He repeated. He gestured toward the mirror above the fireplace mantle. He watched as Will stood and walked over. And he was by his side, catching his falling body as Will fainted at the distinct lack of reflection.

Xander placed Spike gently on Giles' bed, tucking him under the covers. Knowing he was still unconscious Xander bent down to press his lips to Spike's forehead whispering softly. "I love you."

He stood and returned to the living room, sighing as he took a seat on the floor.

"I think it might be better if we let Spike sleep here tonight Xander." Giles prompted gently.

"I know." Xander shook his head. "I can't believe it's wigging him out every time I go near him." He dry washed his face, rubbing at the stubble. "Did you see his face when I kissed him?"

"It's not you Xan." Buffy tried to reassure him. "I don't think he was ever with another guy until after he was turned."

"I know." Xander hung his head. "I guess I'm just being stupid. Thinking that he loved me enough to just know. You know?"

"Xan stop!" Willow admonished. "You know that Spike loves you. It's just the spell. He can't help it."

"I know." How many times did he have to repeat it for him to believe it? "Maybe we should all go get some rest. He's good with you right G-man?" Xander had to ask.

"Of course Xander. I'll take care of him until you return tomorrow." Giles promised.

"Okay. I'll bring a few blood bags when I come back. Don't know how long he'll have to stay here, right?" Xan asked his voice low and sad.

"It won't be long Xan, I promise." Willow tried to guarantee.

***

He was having a breakdown. An honest to goodness breakdown. Just when he thought his life was somehow on the right track. A decent job, a vamp to love, the gods decided to step in and knock him on his ass.

Xander sank back into his mattress, his head resting lightly on the pillows. He could smell the faint spice that was Spike, leather and smoke twisted together. He hugged his lover's pillow to his face, inhaling the scent.

He couldn't stop the small sob that escaped. He didn't think he had any tears left to spill tonight. I guess I am a nancy boy, he thought. And then smiled at the reminder of Spike.

There were so many reminders. They'd invaded each other's lives so thoroughly over the past two years. Xander could hardly remember what it had been like before they'd been together. He released the pillow rolling onto his back to stare up at the ceiling.

His hand came up automatically to caress the scar on his neck. He could feel his cock twitch at the gentle touch. The biggest reminder of all. His mark. Spike's claim.

Suddenly he was laughing so loud and so hard that he had to sit up to catch his breath. The image of Buffy's confused expression and Giles' exasperated one dancing before his eyes.

***

A few weeks after they'd been returned to their own bodies they had been out on patrol with Buffy and Giles. Xander had been blind-sided and tackled by a vamp. As the fangs descended toward his neck Xander continued to struggle, when abruptly the vamp reared back and leapt off him.

"Consort!" The vamp hissed, just before Buffy's stake plunged through its heart.

"What was that all about?" Buffy asked, as she helped Xander up. "Gotta be more careful Xan."

"Xander! Please tell me that you didn't!" Giles demanded having heard the vampire's dying declaration.

"Didn't what G-man?" Xander tried to widen his eyes in innocence. Spike came up beside him and grabbed his hand in support. "What are you on about watcher?"

"You know what I'm on about Spike!" Giles hissed. "Did you or did you not bite and claim Xander as consort?" He demanded.

"You bit Xander!" Buffy cried, her hand coming up wielding Mr. Pointy. "You are so dust!"

"Buffy stop!" Xander cried, stepping in front of his vamp. "He didn't bite me."

Giles was beside him in a second pulling down the collar of his shirt. "Then what do you call this?" Giles pointed at the visible scar gracing his collarbone where shoulder and neck met.

"A bite…" Xander began. "Buffy stop! Let me explain."

"This better be good." Buffy stood tapping her toe, Mr. Pointy at the ready.

Xander turned to face Slayer and watcher both. "I did it." He could tell that Spike was just itching to rub Buffy's face in this fact, so he punched him in the shoulder to keep him from making any dusty comments.

"Huh?" Buffy asked.

"I did it." He enunciated slowly. "When I was Spike. I bit him, while he was me." Xander tried to explain.

"Xander, do you have any idea what - " Giles began but was quickly cut off.

"Yeah Giles I do. Spike explained it all before I did it. He wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing." Xander gave his lover a warm smile. "I did it anyway. Because I wanted to. Because I love him. Because I want to carry his mark. And because at the time I wanted to claim HIM."

Spike let loose a subsonic growl at the fierce proprietorship Xander expressed.

Ignoring his friends Xander grabbed Spike and pulled him into a strong embrace. Their lips met and their tongues danced. They both moaned as their denim covered erections rubbed together. When they finally broke apart, Xander turned back to Buffy and Giles and promptly burst out laughing.

Buffy's nose was scrunched up in confusion. Giles' face bore a look of utter exasperation, although Xander could see traces of a crimson blush.

He grabbed Spike and turned to head home. At Buffy's parting comment Xander's body shook with silent laughter, knowing that he'd never forget the look on his friends faces.

"You bit yourself?"

***

Xander wiped the tears of laughter from his face. He lay back down on the bed, wrapping his body around Spike's pillow once more. He sighed deeply at the memories. There were so many good memories. So many things that he knew he'd never forget, even if his vamp could never remember.

No! Giles promised that they would reverse the spell. Maybe it was a little like amnesia. Maybe if he could be reminded of enough things, he'd remember on his own? He wasn't hit with the full spell like Tara was anyway.

Tomorrow he would try to talk to Spike some more. Maybe he could just tell him a few stories about their lives over the past two years. He couldn't have forgotten everything. With that wishful thought, Xander finally drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 4 - The Lesson (NC-17)

The mouth was wet and hot, blowing warm breath across his cool skin. He shivered and felt his erection rising as the soft lips trailed kisses down his chest toward his groin. He moaned bringing his legs up and spreading them apart, giving his lover more access to his dribbling cock head.

He was in a daze of desire. It felt almost as if he were watching everything from outside his own body. Except that he was acutely aware of every jolt of pleasure and stab of lust.

His lover had reached his most private parts, and he felt his breath catch in anticipation. He looked down to see a mop of shaggy brown hair just before two lips enveloped his throbbing member. He felt a guttural groan escape as he thrust his hips in earnest. His hands reached out to thread their way through the wavy brown locks.

He shuddered as he felt warm hands reach in to caress his scrotum. As he felt his sac tightening he tried to cry out a warning to his love. But before the words were able to leave his parted lips, the warm mouth retreated and left him aching and wet. He cried out in disappointment only to moan as those same lips moved across his sensitive balls.

He felt a slight suction as they were taken in and slicked down with saliva. The warmth enveloping his sac made him close his eyes and throw his head back. He gasped in surprise when the mouth released him once more and he felt the rough rasp of a tongue snake out to brush along the underside of his penis.

Warm fingers reached down to play with the soft skin between his penis and anus. The sensation making goosebumps appear all over his body.

When the mouth returned to take in his erection once again, he felt his eyes roll back in his head. He was almost afraid that he was going to disgrace himself by passing out in a dead faint.

He cried out once more when this time he felt the tip of his member touch the back of his lover's throat. Then his world turned upside down as the muscles squeezed tight, swallowing in a steady rhythm.

His thrusts were involuntary. He hoped that he would have a chance to apologize later. They were faster now, his hips rising almost completely off the bed, his back arching in ecstasy. His whole body stiffened as he reached his completion, the feeling intense as he spurted his ejaculate into the waiting mouth of his eager partner.

***

Will sank back down into the mattress. His eyes blinked opened sleepily as he came back to himself. He reached down to adjust the covers and drew back when he found them sticky and wet. He glanced around the room quickly to ascertain whether he was alone. Sighing in relief he lifted the covers and stood.

He frowned at the feeling of his sticky pants. Finding the water closet attached to the room he was in, he went ahead and stripped down surprised to find that he was wearing no underclothes beneath his shirt and pants. As he entered the washroom he was assaulted yet again with a reflectionless mirror.

His mind went back to the events of the night before. Who were these people that had taken him in? Were they friend or foe? And how could he believe such outrageous tales? Yet, where was his reflection?

Will fiddled with the knobs at the basin until it was filled with lukewarm water. He splashed the water on his face, and then proceeded to wash up. Once he was through he dried off with one of the towels hanging by the door, and then returned to the outer room.

He really needed a more suitable set of clothes, whether he had ruined his previous pair or not. The older gentleman, Mr. Giles he believed, seemed to be wearing rather appropriate dress the other night. It seemed as if this were his home, maybe he wouldn't mind if Will borrowed just a few things. He headed over to what appeared to be the clothes closet, and began to raid the inventory there.

When he finally appeared downstairs Will was rather proud of the striking figure he posed. The clothing was slightly too large, but of course they were not tailored for his figure. And other than a tuck here and there he thought he looked much the better for his new outfit. For his part, Giles tried not to gape as he was confronted with a mini version of himself!

"Good morning sir. I'm sorry to have borrowed without permission first, but I did need some clean clothes after washing up." Will apologized. "You have wonderful taste."

He was smiling at his benefactor when the petite redhead from last night entered the room. He bowed to her slightly and greeted her with a "morning miss."

"Good morning Will." Willow answered back. "You don't have to call me miss all the time. It'll be a little confusing when Tara and Buffy are here also. Why don't you call me Willow?"

"Willow. What a unique name!" Will was delighted. He loved to hear new and interesting monikers sometimes he wrote them down and used them later in his poetry. "You are just as lovely as a willow in a breeze." He stated unthinking.

Willow blushed. Spike had never said anything as sweet as that to her. As far as she knew, Spike WOULD never say anything like that! "Thank you." She mumbled quietly.

Abashed, Will tried to apologize. "I'm so sorry miss. I didn’t mean to embarrass you." Thoughts of the party and Cecily's parting comments to him ringing through his head. "I know that I stumble over my words at times, and they're not very good…but…I only meant to compliment."

"Oh it's okay. I just was…surprised…that you would think that." Willow explained.

"Oh, I am sorry! I'm sure that you must think me a scandalous boor for being so familiar with you!" Will wrung his hands in worry. "I'm afraid if your beau were here, he'd have some serious words for me."

Willow smiled at Will's obvious embarrassment. "Don't worry Will. I'm sure that Tara wouldn't mind." She smiled reassuringly at him.

"Oh thank goodness. I meant no offense, I mean - " Will stopped as her words sunk in. "Tara?"

"Yes, the blonde girl who was with me last night?" Willow reminded him. "She's my girlfriend."

"Your girlfriend?" Will tried to process the idea. "You mean that you and she sometimes take tea together?"

"Uhm…Well…yeah?" Willow stumbled over her words. "I mean, she's my girlfriend. I love her, you know?"

"You mean, you and she…that is, the two of you…" Will's face was contorted in an expression of mixed embarrassment and curiosity. "Oh my."

"Are you okay Will?" Willow was concerned at Will's silence.

Will was extremely embarrassed. Not only had he made a major faux pas by complimenting a lady he was unfamiliar with, but then he had erred by assuming her beau was a male. What was this world he'd fallen into? And even more shameful was his growing arousal at the thought of the two lovely ladies together. How positively vulgar of him to even be thinking of such things!

"Yes, thank you Willow. I think I just need a spot of fresh air." He turned abruptly toward the front door, hoping to escape without allowing the young miss to notice the growing bulge in his pants.

"Will no!" Willow cried, rushing to grab hold of him before he could reach the front door.

Willow grabbed Will's arm and pulled roughly, causing him to stumble backwards and land on his bottom. "Why miss! What ever is the matter?"

"You can't…go outside…right now." Willow huffed in between panting for breath. Her heart was hammering in her chest. Spike had nearly dusted himself!

"Why ever not?" Will was unaccustomed to women being so familiar with him. Willow had yet to relinquish her hold on his arm, and his earlier arousal was making his awareness of her ever more acute.

"It's daylight." Willow was succinct.

"Yes, quite." Will's brow was furrowed in puzzlement. "Is that a problem?"

"Yes it's a problem!" Willow cried. "You're a vampire!"

Not this again. Will could not believe that such intelligent seeming people were caught up in such an outrageous fantasy! He seemed to have seriously upset the girl though.

"Okay, miss. I'm sorry. I promise not to try it again. Please calm yourself down." Will tried to soothe the agitated young woman.

"Why don't you go watch some television?" Willow tried to occupy Will with something else, to keep him from further danger. "I'm sure you've never seen anything like it. You'll really like it. Passions is almost on, and you really like that show." Willow explained while she was flipping channels. "Uhm…I mean you did before…uhm…just trust me." She ended lamely.

Will was fascinated. The box that the young man, Xander he remembered, had pointed to the other night had colored pictures and sounds coming from it. It looked as if there was a play being put on right here in the sitting room of Mr. Giles' house. It was amazing!

"You just sit here and watch, okay? I'll just be in the kitchen. Don't go anywhere! Or do anything! Unless you come and ask me or Giles okay?" Willow warned him.

Will nodded absently. Breaking away from the television only long enough to stand as Willow left the room.

Xander arrived soon after, having stopped by the site to let his boss know he would be taking his vacation that week having an unexpected family emergency. When he entered the room he saw

Will absorbed in the latest episode of Passions, and he smiled at the familiar sight.

He walked through to the kitchen to put the blood bags away, and ran into a very upset Willow. She had her head in her hands and he could see the tracks of several tears as she raised up to look at him. As she let out a small sob, he sank into the chair beside her and pulled her into a warm embrace.

"What's wrong Wills?" Xander asked, hoping that the bad news was not related to his vamp.

"I just…" Willow stopped to take in a deep breath. "I'm so sorry Xander!"

"I know Wills. We'll figure it out. You didn't find out anything bad did you?" Xander asked concerned.

"No. Nothing like that. It's just that…well I had to stop Spike from walking outside. He didn’t know. He doesn't believe!" Willow babbled. "I didn't realize that it would be so dangerous for him. I though…you know…a little amnesia. We can fix that no problem. I didn't think it would hurt him that much!"

At Willow's statement, Xander felt his heart begin to beat wildly. Spike had almost walked out into the sun! What if no one had been around? He forced a few deep breaths, calming himself down. Someone was around. He hadn't walked out. Everything was okay. At least as okay as it could be for right now.

Xander rubbed soothing circles onto his best friend's back. "It's okay Wills. At least you were there to stop him. Thank you." He placed a gentle kiss on Willow's forehead.

"I know, but what if I hadn't been?! It's all my fault Xan! I've learned my lesson I swear. I won't do anymore magicks like that without at least talking to Giles first and making sure that it's safe. I'm so sorry!" Willow cried.

"Okay Wills. That's a good policy anyway." He kissed her once again. "Now just promise me that we'll get Spike his memory back. That's all that matters right now."

"I promise Xan." Willow returned Xander's embrace with equal ferocity.

Chapter 5 - The Talk (NC-17)

Xander wandered out to the living room. Will was still engrossed in his television show, so he sat on the armchair next to the sofa. He kept his distance, not wanting to scare Will off again.

When another intermission began for the show, Will turned to greet his newest visitor. "Good afternoon sir."

"Hi Will. How are you doing today?" Xander asked.

"I'm fine given my situation sir. I'm still a bit confused. I just can't understand how you were able to pull me through time to this place?" Will was still incredulous. "It's nothing like any story I've ever heard or read of."

"I know it's confusing Will. I'll try to explain some more today. Will you let me help you?"

"Of course sir, I would be more than happy to accept your assistance." Will answered politely. He was trying very hard to remain still, his earlier arousal having not completely abated.

Engrossing himself with the magic picture box had allowed him to calm himself a bit, but he was still half erect and was uncomfortably aware of how close the young master was sitting.

What was wrong with him? He'd never embarrassed himself in such a manner before. It seemed as if everything around him was stimulating beyond belief. He was still shamefully aware of his indiscretion this morning, and hoped that Mr. Giles would not deign to search his discarded clothing too well.

"Thank you Will." Xander replied solmenly. He glanced down at his folded hands and noticed his shoelaces were untied. Bending down on one knee he afforded Will a look at the top of his brown locks.

Will gasped, a hand flying up to cover his offending mouth. His erection had returned in earnest as he realized that the anonymous lover from his morning dream had been the young man sitting before him. "Dear Lord." He whispered softly. What was going on?

Xander quickly made his way over to Will's side, placing a hand on one knee. "What is it Will? Is everything okay?"

The hand pressing into his flesh was scalding, even through the khaki material covering his pale leg. He felt his penis jump and twitch, and he moaned involuntarily. Turning away, he closed his eyes not wanting to face the man before him.

"Are you hurt?" Xander's anxiety was doubled with Will's continued silence. He looked down automatically when he felt Will's leg shift beneath his hand. He barely suppressed a moan of his own when he finally noticed Will's sizeable problem. His own arousal growing along with his cock at the obvious excitement his lover was feeling.

Xander's heart did a small flip as he realized that Will was aroused because of his proximity. Could he be remembering their time together?

"Will, please tell me. Do you remember anything past the night of the party now?" Xander begged for some reassurance.

"No sir I don't. I'm afraid…that is…I…" Will was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. His arousal was not abating, and actually felt as if it were growing stronger. There was a strong odor wafting through the apartment tickling his senses. He thought it might be coming from young Xander, but he hadn't noticed it earlier when the man had first walked into the room.

In any case, it was causing his erection to throb and pulse and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do now. He'd promised the young lady that he would not attempt to go outside again. But he could not in good conscience remain in the room with the young man he had apparently been fantasizing about earlier in the day. Fantasizing about a young man! What would mother say?!

"I…I…please excuse me…I'm afraid I need to refresh myself." Will babbled as he stood and made his way to the downstairs water closet. The pleasurable ache had now become a painful throb. Unseemly or not, he was in desperate need for release.

He sighed in relief as the door clicked shut behind him. He turned to throw the lock, assuring himself he would be undisturbed for the interim. Slowly he undid his trousers and lowered them, along with his underclothes until he was able to free his hard member. The harsh rasp of the cotton sliding against his penis caused him to groan.

Outside Xander heard the deep reverberations of Will's groan making his whole body tingle and his cock begin to dribble clear white fluid. Fuck he missed his lover! One night alone and he was already going into withdrawal. In order to save himself the embarrassment of being caught by either Giles or Willow, Xander turned and ran up the stairs to the second floor bathroom.

He dropped his pants as soon as he was able to close the bathroom door. He had enough sense to at least lift the toilet lid so as to save the messy clean up. The head of his cock was already wet and purple.

He grasped the base and slowly pulled up, taking drops of pre-cum at the tip and swirling them around the head before pulling his fist back down. His grip was tight and he imagined it was the cool mouth of his lover, wrapping around the head and sliding down to the root. He groaned, closing his eyes to further the illusion.

Downstairs Will had gently wrapped his fingers around the length of his shaft. He used the wet fluid already glistening at the tip to ease his strokes, moaning softly at each pull of the foreskin on the upstroke. Unbidden images of dark hair and chocolate eyes appeared before him, making his penis jump in his hand.

How can he be thinking of the young gentleman he'd just met? Hadn't his fantasies all consisted of sweet Cecily up until last night? What had happened to him to make all his desires change so swiftly and utterly? He couldn't stifle the loud moan as he remembered the deep ache he'd felt in his dream this morning. The warm mouth encasing his member had felt so good, almost as if it had actually happened.

Xander could tell that he was close. The thought that Spike was somehow trying to regain control of his body was immensely fortifying. Why else would Will become aroused at Xander's presence if he didn't at least remember some of their relationship? Xander's hand moved faster. He took his other hand and began to gently massage his balls, rolling them against one another until the ache became too strong.

He felt as his cock began to pulse and fill with his semen. Aiming the tip at the toilet bowl he ejaculated with a long expelled breath. His hips thrusting until his dick was empty of all fluid.

Will had no more time to ponder his new found desires. His sac was drawing up and his penis was throbbing. He felt every jolt as each pulse pushed more sticky semen out of the tip. He couldn't prevent the loud groan as he spilled himself into the clear water and he hung his head in shame. He hoped that at least the young miss had not heard his loud cry.

***

It was several minutes before Xander had calmed down enough to clean himself up. He splashed cool water on his face and waited until the flush diminished before he once again left the room to search for his boyfriend. When he emerged into the living room downstairs it was clear that Will was still hiding out in the restroom.

He went over and knocked quietly on the door. "Will? We need to talk. Can you come out please?"

"I'm afraid I’m still indisposed young sir." Will answered, still too ashamed to leave the room. He didn't think he could face Xander knowing that he had such lustful thoughts about the young man.

"It's okay Will." Xander tried to reassure him. "It's perfectly natural. I'll explain more when you come out. We just need to sit and talk."

He knows! The young man knows that I was thinking of him! What to do now? How could he face him? He was probably disgusted by his obvious displays of arousal earlier. Maybe he wanted to take him to task for being so crude as to relieve himself in the water closet. How

embarrassing!

The knocks became increasingly loud with Xander's increasing concern. "Will please!" Knock. Knock. "If you don't come out in the next 5 minutes, I'm coming in."

Reluctantly Will stood and straightened his clothing. He walked slowly over to the door and threw the lock open, turning the knob until he heard the click as the door came loose. Unable to look into Xander's eyes, he focused his on the floor before his feet, waiting as the door swung open to reveal the dark haired young man.

Xander felt his heart drop to his stomach at the sight his lover made. He was mussed from his recent activities, causing Xander's breathing to increase. He always loved Spike mussed! But the look of utter shame and embarrassment made Xander ache inside.

"It's okay Spi - Will. Can you come sit with me in the living room?" Xander prompted.

Without a word, Will shuffled his way down the hall toward the sitting room. He took the furthest seat on the couch and continued to stare resolutely down at the floor. Xander sat on the opposite end of the couch, wanting to be close but not too close to his vamp.

"I know you don't remember me." Xander's voice hitched slightly. "But we're close. Close fr-friends. I think maybe you might be feeling or sensing things that are confusing you, but there's nothing wrong with those feelings. There's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Close friends?" Will questioned. "Friends who take tea together, or friends like young miss Willow and miss Tara?"

Xander's eyebrow rose in surprise. "You know about Wills and Tara?"

Will nodded. "Miss Willow was good enough to explain their relationship to me when I made a buffoon of myself by complimenting her this morning." Will was still embarrassed at his earlier actions toward the redhead.

"Would it…would it bother you if we were like Wills and Tara?" It was Xander's turn to study the floor as he waited for an answer.

"I'm not sure…I…I just don't think I can believe it sir." Will explained. "I mean I've never even looked at another gentleman in such a manner."

"Will, I told you once that I'd never lie to you. I know you don't remember it. But I meant it. I'd never lie to you, especially about us." Xander's reply was earnest.

Will shook his head, trying to rid himself of the mental images the conversation was imposing. Amazingly he felt his penis twitch to life once more. "No!" He cried softly. "No mother would *never* approve!"

Xander cringed at Will's exclamation. "Will, I know you don't want to hear this but - I love you." Xander took a chance and reached out to grab Will's hand. "And you love me. You just can't remember right now." Xander finished with a frustrated growl.

To his surprise Will do not withdraw his hand. He cherished the moment, cradling the soft cool skin in his grip. He began to draw small circles with his thumb, tracing the lines gracing Will's palm. He felt more than heard Will's slight whimper.

"I…I can tell you more about our life together?" Xander began. "Maybe it will help you to remember?"

Will found himself nodding slowly, even as he heard the silent scream of denial his mind was shouting.

"Well, it sorta started about two years ago. It was another spell that got us together." Xander remembered the few days he spent as Spike fondly. "We sorta got switched. I mean, you had my body and I had yours. Like Freaky Friday!" Xander slapped his head as he realized the vamp wouldn't recognize any pop culture references. "Right, stopping with the Disney movie references."

Will only smiled softly, not wanting Xander to stop his narrative.

"Well, it sorta gave us a chance to see what it was like to be the other person. You know? Before that we didn't really get along all that well. But after I realized what you were going through and how strong a person that made you, I knew that I couldn't hate you anymore.

And by then I sorta knew that I was already falling in love with you." Xander explained.

"And, well, I guess you felt the same. I mean you went through the same thing. Got to know me inside out I guess, and you liked what you saw." Reluctantly Xander let go of Will's hand. "We've been together ever since."

"So you're saying that we…that you're my beau?" Will asked wanting to clarify yet again.

"Yes."

Before Will could make any other comment the door burst open and one of the young women from the other night appeared. Will jumped up instantly on alert. His skin was tingling all over and he had the intense but extremely ridiculous notion to run out of the room.

"Hey Xan, how is he?" Buffy asked her friend.

"He's in the room Buff. You can ask him yourself." Xander hated when people talked about him like he wasn't there, he wasn't about to do it to Will.

"Oh, sorry." Buffy turned to the nervous vamp. "How are you Will? Are you okay?" She asked concerned at his reaction to her arrival.

"Yes miss. Thank you for asking." He answered by rote. His skin itched all over and he longed to run from the slim figure before him.

Why was he reacting like this to such a petite young girl? She was obviously no danger to him. His reaction to her was causing his brow to furrow in concern.

"Buffy I think you're scaring him." Xander began, immediately moving closer to Will's side. His worried tripled when the vamp automatically leaned into his embrace, as if seeking comfort. "Don't worry Will. She won't hurt you." His arm came around to quickly wrap around Will's waist.

"No, of course not sir." Will tried to sound calm, but his voice wavered ever so slightly. He cringed at the feminine display.

Giles had entered the room when he heard the front door burst open. Watching the scene play out he realized what the problem was. "Will, I know your probably feeling very anxious right now. It's only natural. Buffy doesn't look dangerous, but believe me she is. And your innate vampire senses know that."

Will only nodded, not losing contact with Xander's body.

"But Xander is correct. She won't hurt you. Please believe that." Giles continued.

"Yes sir." He nodded again.

"Why don't we go upstairs. You can take a small nap, you can probably use the rest." Xander wanted to get him as far from Buffy as possible. It was obvious he didn't understand his feelings toward the Slayer.

"Okay Xan." Will replied as Xander maneuvered him up the stairs.

Xander thrilled to hear Will call him by his pet name. Maybe he was remembering more than he thought?

Chapter 6 - The Blood (NC-17)

It was past twilight by the time Will once again woke. He could hear talk and clatter downstairs, so assumed that his earlier visitors were still in residence. He felt a gnawing ache in his stomach and thought it might be a good time to find something to eat.

There were several people sitting around the supper table. Buffy, Willow, and Xander looked as if they were just finishing consumption of some type of flat pie. The smells coming off the dish were quite marvelous. He edged closer to the table, hoping he would be offered a slice.

He could feel the tingles start up again as his proximity to Buffy increased. He forced a silent "she cannot hurt me" mantra in his head, unknowingly inching closer to Xander all the while.

"Hey Will. Are you feeling better?" Xander immediately noticed Will's discomfiture and offered him his seat at the table. This allowed Xander to stand directly behind his partner, giving silent comfort.

Will was still very much confused over his obvious feelings for Xander. Not only was he strangely and continually aroused by the young man, but he also felt waves of comfort and security emanating from him. Where proximity to Buffy caused his nerves to go on edge,

Xander only induced calm and warmth.

He nodded thanks when Willow offered him a piece of the pie and bit into it gladly. The taste burst forth onto his tongue, spicy and sweet at the same time. It was excellent! Yet the aching feeling in the pit of his stomach was not being assuaged. He frowned slightly at that, catching Xander's eye.

"What's wrong Will?" Xander felt as if that were his new catch phrase.

"I feel as if I haven't eaten for days, yet this delicious dish has done nothing to abate the hunger." Will answered as he absently chewed on another bite.

"There's a reason for that Will. Uhm…I'll be right back, just keep eating." Xander gestured at the pizza.

When he returned he was carrying a warm mug filled with a dark viscous fluid. "You need to drink this Will." He handed the mug over. "Consider it like a protein drink."

At Will's confused expression Buffy commented, "Xan I don't think they had protein drinks back then."

"Oh yeah." Xander scratched his chin in thought. "Uhm…okay, it's like a really thick tea?" He suggested.

Still skeptical, Will raised the mug to his face taking a small sniff. He dipped his finger into the liquid and watched as it dripped back into the mug when he raised his digit. His face contorted in disgust when he realized what the concoction actually was. "Eeegads man! You can't *possibly* expect me to drink…*that*!" He blurted without thinking.

Xander knelt down beside his lover and once again placed his hand on Will's knee. He rubbed soothingly over the joint as he tried to explain Will's need for blood. "Do you remember how I told you we got together?"

Both Buffy and Willow's eyebrows rose in surprise. Will only nodded.

"Well while I was you I felt exactly how you're feeling. I felt the deep ache as the hunger grew and grew. And I felt just as disgusted…and…afraid as you do. I didn't want to do it either. But

believe me when I tell you that the hunger is just going to grow stronger. The ache is going to consume you, until you can't think anymore." Xander paused for a moment to let his words sink in. He continued his ministrations on Will's knee, trying to induce some comfort to his spiel. "You'll drink it eventually. Because…well because you can't not drink it. It's either that or sinking your fangs into one of us, and you can't do that either. Not with the chip. At least not while we're uhm…Let's just say you can't, okay?" Xander wasn't about to explain that he could bite him without pain only during their nightly sexcapades.

"It's not as bad as it seems." Xander gently lifted the mug in Will's hand until it was just touching his lips. "It'll make you feel better, I promise. Just concentrate on that. Concentrate on how good it makes you feel."

Will closed his eyes and took a shallow swallow of the thick fluid. When the first taste hit his cool tongue he groaned at the immediate response of his body. His stomach had begun to feel as if there were acid eating away at his lining, but as the blood made its way down his throat he felt as if a cooling mist were invading his entire body.

Again he felt himself growing hard. His senses felt magnified and he could smell the earthy scent of the man kneeling before him. By the time he finished his drink the throbbing was almost unbearable. He wanted to reach out and grab Xander hauling him to rub up against a body filled beyond bearing with need. He was unaware of the growl leaving his lips.

Xander's eyes were nearly black with desire. He realized as soon as Will took the first swallow what his reaction would be. The same as it was every time he fed. His lover's growl brought him out of his lusty haze. He needed to concentrate on Will.

"It's okay love. Just relax." Xander petted Will, enclosing him in a loose embrace as he whispered words of calming comfort. "It's perfectly natural. Nothing to be ashamed or afraid of."

Will nuzzled Xander's neck. He was going purely on instinct, the blood lust having been soothed his other appetites were coming to the fore. He inhaled deeply feeling his penis respond to the familiar scent.

Both men focused completely on each other they forgot the other occupants of the room. The girls faces were extremely red, their breathing fast and shallow.

"We should probably go." Willow leaned over to whisper to Buffy, who nodded acquiescence. Neither girl moved.

Xander was lost in the feeling of his lover. Every action Will made mirrored their many nights together. His loss of control allowing Spike's baser instincts to take over. Xander groaned as he felt Will's tongue peak out to lick at the base of his neck, just grazing his mark. The front of his jeans were soaking wet as he grabbed hold of Will's arms and forced them both to stand.

Will immediately stepped forward bringing his entire body into contact with Xander. His arms came up to wrap around Xan's waist as he thrust his hips forward. They both groaned at the contact, Xander's head coming down to allow their lips to meet.

The kiss was powerful sweeping them both up in the moment. Will thrust his tongue into Xander's mouth, exploring the warm wet hollow. The kiss continued as they ground their cocks together. Their lips broke apart to allow Xander a breath, and then without warning Will sank elongated fangs down into the same spot Xander had chosen years earlier.

They both exploded in white hot flames. Pleasure shooting through their bodies as they spurted inside their boxers. Xander held onto Will as the last of the wracking shudders left his body. He placed soft sweet kisses along his lover's neck while he whispered words of love in his ear. "Spike." Kiss. "Love you." Kiss. Kiss. "Needed that so bad." Kiss. Lick. Kiss. "Love you."

Will stiffened in abject horror as he realized what he'd just done. Not only had he just performed sexual relations with another man, but he had somehow bitten him as well. Fangs! He'd definitely had fangs. Could it be possible? Was it actually true? Was he a vampire?

Xander found himself carrying Will up the stairs for the second night in a row. His heart broke as he realized that part of the shock that had sent him over the edge this time had to do with their interaction after his feeding. He'd thought for a moment that his Spike had come back to him. He let the tear fall as he tucked Will in once more, placing a soft kiss on his forehead before turning out the light and returning downstairs.

As Xander ascended to the second floor, both girls took a deep but shaky breath. The arousal in the room was so thick even with their muted human senses they could smell it swirling in the air. As one, they turned to one another their eyes dilated and their lips slightly parted.

"Wow." The word was whispered in unison.

Chapter 7 - Tea, Poetry, and a Kiss

Will awoke to the sounds of dishes clattering downstairs. He didn't hear any voices, so hoped that meant that only Mr. Giles was left in the flat. He really didn't want to see Xander that morning, still confused over last night's events.

He had drunk blood. Blood! And from the moment the liquid had touched his lips, he'd wanted nothing more than to keep drinking. Then he'd wanted nothing more than Xander. He'd practically thrown himself at the young man!

Oh dear lord! As he went over his memories of the previous night, he realized that the ladies had been present as well. He didn't remember them ever leaving the room. He could only conclude that they had been privy to the whole scene.

He groaned, turning his face into the pillow. Now he did more than just fervently wish that none of his visitors remained.

Eventually he forced himself to stand, then cross over to the washroom. He readied himself for the day, taking a deep breath before descending the stairs. When he entered the kitchen he was

relieved to find only Mr. Giles.

"Good morning William. How are you feeling?" Giles greeted him.

"Good morning sir. I'm feeling better, thank you." He ducked his head.

"Would you like some tea?" Giles asked, pouring himself a cup.

"That would be lovely. Thank you." Will took a seat at the small circular table.

Giles could tell that Will had something on his mind. He'd have been surprised if the vamp didn't have something on his mind! The shock of learning he was a vampire, his obviously intimate relationship with Xander, and from what the children had told him of last night, he was sure that Will's mind was probably churning.

"Is there something you would like to discuss William?" Giles prompted.

"Well sir…That is…Of the people that I've met so far I'd like to say that I feel the most…well…comfortable around you. Maybe because of our shared heritage?" Will tried to explain. "And I just feel as if I am in desperate need of a spot of advice. If I might trouble you?" He focused slightly pleading eyes on the older gentleman before him.

"Of course William. We are…were…are…friends after all." Giles answered.

"Are we sir?"

"Why yes. I do admit that I was a bit flummoxed when you and Xander first got together, but over the years you've proved that you only have Xander's best interests at heart."

"So it's true then." Will once again ducked his head, taking a small sip of his tea.

"True?"

"What Xander told me. About…about us." He could not force himself to look Mr. Giles in the eye.

"Yes. I can imagine how you might question it." Giles reached over, offering the embarrassed young man a biscuit.

"It's just that I never thought that I would…well…be intimate with another gentleman." Will continued to stare down at the table.

"Will look at me." Giles waited for the vampire to meet his eye before continuing. "The relationship that you and Xander share is very special. In fact it is a constant source of amazement to me. You protect one another. You love one another. And moreover you're

good for one another. Being together brings out the best in you both." He smiled gently at the confused young man.

"But is it…wrong sir?" Will desperately wanted to know. Giles blinked at the incongruity of seeing the vampire's eyes slowly fill with unshed tears.

"No William. It's not wrong." Giles reached over and gave Will's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Love is never a thing to be ashamed of."

After a moment the two men broke apart. Giles cleared his throat and stood to take the plate of biscuits and empty teacups to the sink for washing.

"Thank you sir." William retreated back to the bedroom to mull over their conversation.

***

Mr. Giles had been kind enough to lend him some blank paper and a pen. He always felt that he could work out problems better if he were able to write them out. That's why his poetry was so important to him. It allowed him to vent feelings and emotions that he had no other outlet for.

On the paper he'd written out two columns under the main heading of Xander. Under the 'Things I Know' column he wrote the details of what Xander had explained of their relationship. Under the 'Things I Feel' column he'd tried to list the multitude of emotions that assaulted him whenever the boy was near.

The one thing that always came back to him was the unquestionable feeling of safety and security he felt whenever Xander was in close proximity. He could not deny that in his heart he felt the familiar sense of trust and yes, affection, toward the young man. And obviously from his actions last night, he felt a physical attraction as well. Will knew he would be blushing furiously if he could have.

Unable to come up with any definitive answer to his myriad of questions, Will decided to do the only thing that had ever soothed his soul. He wrote. He let his mind wander in different directions, writing down whatever fancied him. Until finally he grew tired and setting aside the tablet he lay down for some rest.

***

"Wi-" Xander broke off as soon as he spied his vamp in bed. He went over and took a seat beside him, gently laying a hand on his cheek.

He caressed the soft cool skin before pulling back. Although he was excited, he wanted to give him a few more minutes of rest. Giles thought he'd found a potion that might help Spike remember. At least it was worth a try. Giles had sent Willow out to the Magic Box to get the ingredients, so they would be able to create the mix tonight.

As he sat waiting for his vamp to awaken, Xander's eyes wandered around the room. He stopped when he caught a glimpse of the white notepad sitting on the night table. He reached over to pick it up, recognizing Spike's flowing script.

When he saw his name on the first page, he immediately put the pad down. He couldn't read that. It was like invading Will's privacy. Xander was sure that Will had never meant for anyone else to read the words he'd written.

As the minutes ticked by he continued to stare at the forbidden pad of paper. Eventually his hand began to sneak out once more. After the last few days, Xander felt that he was entitled to just a bit of snooping. Maybe he could glean some minor comfort in what Will had written. Maybe he had written down what he had already remembered.

Xander knew that his excuses were feeble, but he couldn't help sneaking a peak at the first page. What he read made his heart grow warm. It didn't seem as if Will had remembered anything specific, but at least he had vague memories of his feelings for Xander. He felt protected and he even said he felt affection! That was a start at least.

He flipped the page and his breath caught. Will had written a poem. One night after a long bout of lovemaking, Spike had shared the origin of his "Bloody" moniker. No matter how hard Xander had tried to get Spike to write him something, he'd always been refused. Now here was his chance. But how could he do it? This was worse than an invasion of privacy.

As he slipped the first page back over, and lowered the notepad to the table Will's hand snapped out to wrap around his wrist.

"I'm sorry Will." Xander looked and sounded contrite.

"Did you read it?" Will asked, eyes downcast.

"No. I couldn't. I've asked you to let me read some before but you've always said no. I couldn't go against your wishes."

Will looked up into sad brown eyes and felt a small tug at his heart. Was this the man he'd spent the last 2 years of his life with? The man that claimed to love him? Will sighed. He felt as if he were on the edge of some sort of epiphany yet it was just out of reach.

"I…uhm…if you'd like to…that is…you may…you may read it if you like." Will stumbled out.

"Really? You don't have to let me." Xander tried to be sure.

"No, I think…I think I'd like you to read it." Will turned his head away. "But I must warn you that my critics have never been very kind to me."

Xander placed a warm hand on Will's shoulder with a gentle caress. "I know Will. But I'm not one of your critics. I'm your lo-. I'm your friend." Xander reassured him.

Will only nodded.

Xander took the tablet back and flipped the page once more.

~~~

~~~

Xander could feel the liquid gathering in his eyes. Was this how Spike felt about him? Safe and loved? His shelter from the sun? Xander turned away trying to regain his control.

"They're only words." Misinterpreting Xander's gesture Will tried to apologize.

"No Will!" Xander couldn't help grasping both Will's shoulders and pulling him close. "They're more than that. They're you." He gave Will a loose hug. "And I love them."

Will pulled away, a little reluctantly. He ducked his head shyly before offering a quick, "Thank you." He couldn't remember the last time his poetry had been praised. At least by anyone other than mother.

Xander could see that Will was a little embarrassed. He changed the subject wanting to make his lover a little more comfortable.

"Well I did come up here for a reason." He began. "Giles may have found a potion that can help. It will stimulate your memory, sort of push you more into the selective amnesia stage, instead of the lost my mind from a spell stage." He gave Will a small smile.

"So you think I will be able to regain my memories?" Will asked tentatively, still unable to look Xander in the eye. By allowing him to read the poem, he'd effectively let Xander know that he did indeed have feelings for the young man.

"We hope so. Giles thinks it might be gradual. Like a regular amnesiac person I guess. We'll have to keep reminding you of things. He says that there will probably have to be some sort of major trigger for most of it, but you might start to get some flashes here and there." Xander was encouraging.

Will nodded. "Shall we rejoin the others downstairs?"

"Sure. Willow went out to the Magic Box, and the Buffster is doing a quick patrol. But Tara and Dawn should be here." Xander answered, standing up and offering Will a hand.

Will took it shyly, trying to hide his relief at not having to face the two young ladies after his display last night. "Who's Dawn?"

"Oh! You haven't met the Dawnster?" Xander forgot that Dawn had not yet been over since the night of the spell. "She's Buffy's sister. But don't worry, you won't have the same reaction to her. She's sort of special." Xander hedged.

Will grasped the hand offered and levered himself up. As he shifted his weight off the bed he lost his balance and ended up flinging himself into Xander's arms.

"Oof!" Xander caught the flailing vamp. "Are you okay?"

Will looked up embarrassed and ready to apologize. He was confronted with Xander's warm look. The feelings that he'd been exploring all afternoon came rushing back to him. Safety. Security. Affection. Lust. His eyes moved down to focus on Xander's parted lips.

Xander forced himself to stand stock still under Will's scrutiny. This was the first time, not blood-induced, that Will seemed to actually be taking an interest in him physically. When he felt the caress of Will's gaze on his lips, he had to suppress a small groan.

His eyes automatically closed in preparation for his lover's kiss. And when he felt the sweet brush of them along his own, he nearly cried out. He let Will control their meeting.

The kiss was slow and sweet. Close mouthed, the press of Will's lips was still intoxicating. Xander couldn't prevent the moan of pleasure when Will parted his lips slightly and sucked Xander's bottom lip in. He chewed on Xan's lip and then soothed it with a few licks of his

tongue.

Will pulled away to see the flushed and dazed expression on Xander's face. Ashamed of his forward actions, he immediately looked down. Only to become even more embarrassed at the state of his obvious arousal.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled to his toes.

Will felt the gentle pressure of Xander's finger on his chin, forcing him to face the young man.

"Don't ever be sorry for wanting to touch me." Xander implored. "I love you."

Will nodded. He continued to remain silent as he followed his beau down the stairs.

8 - Potions and Hell Goddesses

Buffy met Willow at the Magic Box. It was already dark and since Glory had attacked both Tara and Spike, she hesitated to let any of her friends out alone at night.

The bell jingled as she entered the shop, searching the front area for Wills. She found her behind the counter bagging what looked like several different types of herbs and labeling them.

"Hey Wills, what you got?"

"Oh! Hey Buffy. Giles found a potion that might help Spike. I'm just getting the last of the ingredients. I should be ready in a few minutes." Willow continued to tie and label little baggies as she spoke.

"So you think he'll get his memory back? Go back to his old self?" Buffy asked casually.

"I hope so. Poor Xander. I feel so bad. Do you see how hard he's taking it?" Willow answered without looking up.

"Yeah." Buffy felt slightly guilty.

"What's wrong?" Willow heard the hesitation in Buffys' reply.

"Nothing." Buffy pulled herself up so that she was sitting on the counter. "It's just that…well don't you think that Will is better, in some ways, than Spike?"

"Buffy!" Willow's brow scrunched in admonishment. "What do you mean? You don't actually want to keep Spike the way he is do you?"

"Well…He is sweeter. And way more polite. A girl could get used to that sort of thing…" Buffy's voice trailed off.

"Buffy Summers! Are you crushing on Will?!"

"Crushing? Me? No! Of course not!" Buffy's cheeks were red.

Willow just continued to stare at Buffy. Finally she broke. "Well you have to admit he's hot!" Buffy cried.

"Well, it's not like losing his memory made him any hotter! He's always been sexy." Willow retorted.

"I know. It's just that. Well, now he' doesn't seem to hate me as much. At least not verbally. Still seems like he's afraid to be near me." Buffy ended dejectedly.

"Well he is a vampire. And you are the Slayer." Willow tried to reason with her. "Besides Buffy, whether you like him more as the new improved polite Will doesn't matter. He and Xander belong together. Don't you see what this is doing to Xander? It's breaking his heart every minute that Spike can't remember loving him."

"I know." Buffy answered quietly. "It's just some wishful thinking." She sighed heavily, before jumping down from the counter.

Willow came around with her supplies in one hand, her other reaching out to pat Buffy on the back. "Don't worry Buffy. You'll meet your true love someday soon. I know it!"

They shared a small smile before walking out the door.

***

"Spike!"

"Er…Yes miss?"

"Oh my god! It's true!" Dawn studied Spike carefully. Even without having spoken she could tell that there was something different about him. His normally cocky pose was replaced with a shy and almost trepidatious stance. But it was his eyes that gave him away completely. They were wide and quite innocent at the moment.

"So…you're William, right?" Dawn asked cautiously.

"Yes little miss. You must be Dawn. Xander tells me that you are Buffy's sister." Will bowed to her at the introduction.

Dawn giggled. Before she could reply the door burst open, Willow and Buffy entering at a dead run.

"Grab whatever you can and go!" Buffy screamed. She immediately went for Giles' weapon cabinet and pulled as many swords and axes as she could from the shelves.

"Buffy, what has happened?" Giles demanded.

"Glory." Buffy pulled another axe from the wall. "Willow and I were talking. Stupid! And she overheard us. She knows about Dawn." She moved to her sister's side trying to reassure her. "Don't know what stopped her. She was right behind us, but about 4 or 5 blocks away and she just disappeared."

The others were gathering supplies as Buffy spoke. "We have to get out of here." Buffy warned.

"I'll get us some transportation." Giles left the flat as fast as humanly possible.

"What's happening? What's Glory?" Will was perplexed. He could feel the tension in the room, making his own senses go haywire. He moved closer to Xander.

"She's bad news. Don't worry Will. I won't let anything happen to you." Xander promised.

"I've found us a vehicle. Let's go." Giles reentered the room and ushered everyone out.

***

FUCK! Xander wanted to scream. And at the same time he felt numb all over. Glory had Dawn. Ben was *fucking* Glory. How did they not all see that? We led her right to us! And Buffy just shut down. No one could get through to her. They'd finally returned to Buffy's place to regroup.

How were they going to get Dawn back? They couldn't fight a hell god. Xander sighed heavily before slumping down into the sofa cushions. He glanced briefly at the stairs, hoping that Willow was somehow getting through to Buffy. Without her they definitely didn't stand a chance.

He glanced to his right to see the nervous vampire. He'd been witness to all the crazy sword wielding maniacs and then Glory's kidnapping of Dawn. He was dazed and more than a little confused. Without Buffy or Spike there was no plan on earth that could save them.

He reached across the coffee table grabbing a hold of Willow's bag. Sifting through, he didn't think she'd mind the privacy invasion at the moment, he found the little bag of herbs she'd brought back from the Magic Box. Grabbing them he went in search of Giles.

He found the ex-watcher in the kitchen putting a kettle of water on the stove. In times of crisis, the G-man was always ready with some soothing tea! He cleared his throat to get the older man's attention, throwing the bag onto the counter in front of him.

"I think we should try the potion." Xander stated.

"Xander, I know that you're worried about Spike, but we do have some other more pressing matters right now." Giles tried to make him understand.

"I know that G-man! I'm not just thinking about me here. If we don't get Spike back up to fighting status we're that much more fucked than we already are."

"Oh. I see." Giles pulled his glasses off, cleaning them with his ever present handkerchief. "I supposed you're right." He nodded before picking up the bag of ingredients. "I can mix up the potion now. Since Willow is a bit busy at the moment." He sighed, turning to find a bowl to mash the herbs in.

Xander didn't answer before turning around to reenter the living room. He went to sit next to Will, grabbing his hand in squeezing.

"Will, I know it's been pretty wiggy tonight. But don't worry. Giles is mixing the potion right now. Hopefully you'll have your memory back before the end of the night. And then you won't feel so intimidated. You're a really good fighter." Xander continued to reassure him, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb across the back of Will's hand.

"What do you think is happening to the young miss?" Will was worried for the young girl he'd met that evening.

"I don't know Will." Xander looked away. "I'm hoping that nothing is happening right now. That we'll still have time to save the day, you know? That's all we can do right now."

The room was silent when Tara entered. She was carrying a mug of foul smelling liquid, which Xander assumed was the potion. "Does he have to drink the whole thing?" Xander asked, trying to mask his distaste of the smell.

"I'm af-fraid so. But I'm sure it will help him. I infused it with a p-prayer to the G-Goddess after Giles prepared it." Tara answered.

Will took the cup feeling the warmth spread through his palms. He was scared. He'd never in his life thought that he would encounter any of the things that he'd seen since awakening in Xander's arms. Hell gods, knights in armor, witches, magic - these were things out of fairy tales. And now here he was, ready to drink a magic potion blessed by a witch so that he could go out and fight a Hell god to save a mystical princess?

He turned frightened eyes to stare into warm chocolate brown ones and met only reassurance and love. He couldn't deny that no matter what else he'd learned in this place, he knew that this man would never hurt him.

Taking a deep calming breath, he brought the mug to his lips, guzzling the sticky fluid until he'd tasted the last drop.

Chapter 9 - A Spot of Remembrance

William opened his eyes to see a dark alley in front of him. He realized he was sitting on an old crate, but before he could stand and brush himself off a lilting voice floated over from the dark entrance to the alley.

A dark haired, pale faced beauty walked toward him. He could see her lips moving but couldn't quite make out the words she spoke. Before he knew what was happening she had him pinned to the wall and her lips were lowering toward his neck.

He closed his eyes as he felt the sharp sting of fangs entering his skin. He cried out in pain as the dark goddess before him drained the life from his body.

When he opened his eyes again she was there. Petting him softly and gazing at him with something akin to love. Yet the look didn't give him the same feelings of security and warmth that Xander's looks often did.

The scene spun out of control, images flashing before his eyes. Hundreds, thousands of dead. Blood everywhere. Fists and Fangs. From China to Prague to Sunnydale, his mind took him on a tour of his unlife.

Will moaned and thrashed on the couch as Xander watched with a worried frown. "Are you sure that potion won't have any side effects? He doesn't look too good." Xander caressed Will's brow in comfort.

"He has got a lot of memories to recover Xander. He's probably going through a few of them right now. It probably seems like a long nightmare to him." Giles explained.

Xander continued to smooth his lover's creased brow, until the crystal blue eyes finally blinked open. "Xander?" Spike croaked out in a hoarse whisper.

"Drink some water Spike." Xander offered him the cool cup. "H-how are you feeling." He was afraid to ask what memories he'd recovered.

"I've been better luv." Spike answered after handing him back the empty cup. Xander's heart flipped over at the term, then flipped back at Spike's next statement. "Still haven't remembered everything though. My memories are still pretty muzzy after those bloody soldier bastards got a hold of me."

"Oh." His eyes were downcast. "So you still don't remember anything about…" His voice trailed off.

"'Fraid not Xan." Spike could tell Xander was hurt by his answer, but he didn't know what he could do about it. He still remembered everything that Xander had done for him while he was 'William'. He also remembered all of his feelings toward Xander as William. He would have lied, but it had felt wrong somehow. Big bloody Bad he was.

"Don't worry Xander. I'm sure that his memories will come back in time. But at least for now he has recovered his fighting prowess and can help us retrieve Dawn when the time is right." Giles glanced up the stairs where Willow had disappeared over two hours earlier.

"Too right! I'm not gonna let that bloody hell bitch touch a hair on the bit's head!" Spike was adamant. "I may not remember much, but I remember the bit. And nobody is going to hurt her."

Xander's look was crestfallen. Tara reached over and placed a soft hand over his. "Don't Xander." She whispered softly. "You know the monk's spell was powerful. That's the only reason he has those memories right now." Xander nodded and gave her a plastic smile.

It didn't matter to him why Spike could remember those things but not their relationship. It only mattered that he did. Xander knew he was being petty, but after everything that had happened he felt he had a small right to it. When was he going to get HIS Spike back?

"Until we're ready, I'm going to try to find out as much about the ritual needed by Glory as I can." Giles stood to begin the research. Giles had stopped at the Magic Box on their way back into town to grab whatever he thought they might need to get Dawn back.

"I'll help you Mr. G-Giles." Tara followed him out the door into the dining room wanting to give the two men a chance to talk alone.

Xander and Spike were left alone in the living room. Xander couldn't look at Spike. He knew the moment he did he'd start to bawl. And he really really really felt like he'd done enough of that in the past 3 days to last a lifetime!

"Xan?"

"Please don't call me that Spike." Xander sounded defeated. "I just don't think I can take it right now."

"I'm sorry." He scooted a little closer to the dejected figure. "Can I just…" Spike ducked his head, a gesture Xander associated more with William than Spike. "I just want to say something."

"Okay." Xander started when he felt Spike's hand reach out and clasp his own.

"I do remember the last few days. The things you've said, the way - bloody hell!" Spike was frustrated that he couldn't find the right words. He ran his fingers through his curls before continuing. "The way you made me feel. You made me burn." He scooted even closer, so that their legs were flush against each other.

"Not just that. But you made me feel safe. You were the one person I felt comfortable with." Now he looked away, retracting his hand from Xander's. "Now that I've got my other memories back I don't…I mean, it's hard to see what…why you'd love me. I…I know I'm a monster."

"No Spike! I don't believe that." Xander willed Spike to believe him. This time Xander's hand reached out to clasp his.

"I know luv." Spike looked up to meet Xander's imploring gaze. "You treat me…least ways, you make me feel like a man." Spike leaned forward slowly until their lips were pressing together. He could feel Xander's warm breath on his face, and could feel his sweet lips moving against his own.

They pulled apart reluctantly. Spike's blue eyes holding Xander's brown in a warm embrace. "Thank you." The words were whispered between them.

"I think I've found something." Giles reentered the room, carrying a large dusty tome. "According to this text, the gates must be opened at precisely the proper moment. By my calculations that should be midnight tomorrow."

Spike and Xander looked up from their seats. "So we have 24 hours to prepare to fight a hell god?" Xander asked.

"Well, yes. But at least we know when the ritual needs to take place. So that means we just have to delay her long enough to pass the deadline. At least we can try to - " Giles was cutoff with the sound of feet stomping down the stairs.

Buffy and Willow entered the room. Some of the tension dissipated when they saw that Buffy was again up and around. "So we know the time. Now we just need the place." Buffy grabbed her coat, heading toward the door. "I'm going to do a quick search pattern across town. There's got to be some sign of where she's planning this shindig." And with that she was out the door.

Giles turned to Willow with a querying stare. "Is she alright?"

"I think so. Her mind was, I guess it was like a trap for her. She kept going through this loop of guilt. It all revolved around Dawn, but I think I got her to see that Dawn needed her out here. And that if she let herself get stuck in that loop, she really would be guilty of letting Dawn down." Willow shrugged. "She seemed to snap out of it. And look! Now she's all 'Let's Get 'Em'! So good. Right?"

"You did great sweetie." Tara reassured her girlfriend.

"Yes, quite." Giles quickly agreed. "Now I suggest we all get a few hours rest. We can wake early and start working out a plan to stall Glory as long as possible, once we find her."

Willow and Tara headed up to the master bedroom, Giles taking Dawn's room. That pretty much left the couch and floor downstairs, since neither Xander nor Spike wanted to take Buffy's bed in case she came home soon.

"You can take the couch Spike." Xander offered. He got up and pulled a few blankets and pillows from the hall closet.

"You sure luv?" Spike asked.

"Yeah, your probably still not up to your bad self yet. You should take it. I'll be fine." Xander insisted.

"Okay luv." Spike agreed only because he had plans of his own. He accepted the linens from Xander, letting his hand brush over Xan's for a second or two longer than necessary. "Thanks Xan."

Xander only nodded. Damn that stupid lump in his throat! So Spike called him Xan. Big deal. The potion was obviously working. He would have his Spike back and whole any time soon. He looked away as he spread out his blanket on the floor. He just wasn't sure if he would survive until then. He bit back his sniffle as he lay down and tried to get comfy for the remainder of the night.

Chapter 10 - A Nummy Treat (NC-17)

Xander was half asleep when he felt the cool press of a body along his back. Spike's arm wrapping itself around his waist and drawing him near. He let out a happy little moan and snuggled closer to his vamp, before his eyes snapped open in shock.

"S-spike?"

"Yeah luv?"

"What are you doing?"

Spike leaned down and nuzzled Xander's neck, his nostrils flaring when he scented his mark there. Xander writhed beneath him as he went for the scar, tracing his tongue along the puckered flesh.

"Ungh." Xander grunted. His cock was already leaking having gone so long without his lover's touch. "Wha -"

"Shhh luv." He continued to trail wet kisses along Xander's neck, and then down his spine.

"But I - "

Spike stopped, heaving a frustrated sigh. "Okay Xan. We'll talk first, but then we shag - deal?"

Xander nodded, he didn't think he had the strength to refuse Spike. Just the ghost of his lover's touch made him hard.

"You know what's going to happen tomorrow right? When we go up against the hell bitch…" Spike shook his head. "Not all of us are gonna make it."

Xander squeezed the hand resting on his stomach. "I know that Spike. This is bigger than anything we've ever faced before."

Spike placed another sweet kiss on the top of Xander's head. "Well luv, if this is my last night on earth I want to spend it with the one person who loves me." He didn't voice the thought that if this were Xander's last night on earth he'd want to at least have the memory of being with the boy even if he never recovered any of his others.

Xander thought it over for a minute. If either of them bought the big one tomorrow, he'd never forgive himself for not taking this one last night with his lover. And if Spike were himself, they wouldn't have hesitated making love all through the night knowing what would be coming all too soon. He pushed aside his hurt that Spike still couldn't remember his love for him, and agreed. "Okay Spike." He turned in his vamp's arms. "Make love to me."

Spike swore he felt his undead heart beat for just a second. With all the memories he'd begun to retrieve, none of them held such a loving look, or as sweet a request. He didn't think he'd ever made love to anyone really. He'd been a virgin when turned, and then sex with his 'family' had been violent and dominating, but never loving.

He watched as Xander's eyes drifted closed, his lips descending toward that luscious mouth. His own lids closed over his eyes at the first soft touch. He spent several minutes just letting their mouths fit together, while his hands roamed the length of Xander's chest and hips.

When Xander began to moan in protest, he finally invaded Xander's mouth with his tongue. Letting it slip past the opening to trace the wall of teeth it encountered. When Xander's teeth parted to allow Spike's tongue full access, it was his turn to groan. The slow teasing he'd been doing to Xander, was making his own cock pulse and drip with pre-cum.

He let his tongue explore the recesses of Xander's mouth. Relearning every sensitive nook he found. Thrilling at the incoherent sounds that spilled out of Xander as he dipped into one cheek, and then trailed cool wetness over gums and molars.

He broke the kiss, lifting himself off the boy, to pull his shirt over his head, and then shuck his trousers and boxers. Xander protested until he opened his eyes to a naked and aroused Spike. The sight of Spike's hard length bumping against his own stomach made Xander's mouth water. He could see the head was glistening and he longed to have a taste.

He moved forward and grasped the base of Spike's cock, making him whimper. His tongue darted out to lick just the tip. The warm rasp of Xander's tongue making Spike's cock jump in his hand. When Xander's whole mouth engulfed his throbbing member, Spike felt the pleasure as an almost stabbing pain. He couldn't stop his hips from thrusting forward, causing his cock head to bump the back of the boy's throat. He was amazed when Xander was able to take him whole without choking or gagging.

It made him even harder when he looked down to see the boy's head bobbing back and forth with his dick between his mouth. And he groaned when he noticed the boy's hand rubbing at the front of his jeans in time to his sucking. He could see the wetness seeping through the material. Moreover he could smell the strength of his arousal through the air.

At the familiar scent Spike's brain flashed back to similar incidents. He could see them together loving, fucking, and sucking each other. And as the images played before him, he threaded his hands through the soft brown locks of his boy's head. Holding him still against Xander's protests, Spike began to gently fuck his mouth.

"You like that don't you Xan?" He asked softly as he continued his thrusting. "Having me in your mouth. Getting' me off. Tasting my cum on your tongue?"

Xander moaned at the dirty word picture Spike was painting. He always loved it when his vamp talked during their loveplay. His voice was so sexy even when he wasn't talking dirty, that it heightened his desire to a new level whenever he did.

The moan sent incredible vibrations along the length of Spike's cock, making his thrusts come faster and harder. "Fuck Xan!" Whenever Spike pulled out Xander would let his tongue swirl around the tip, digging into the slit he found there.

"Yeah luv! Oh you're so good at this Xan. Mmmmm…" Spike lost coherent speech for a moment while Xander's hand came up to play with his balls. His hips were thrusting so fast he didn't know how Xander was taking it. But from the feel of it, they'd had plenty of practice.

"Xan! Gonna cum Xan. Gonna cum in your hot, tight mouth. Wanna taste me luv? Wanna swallow me down?" Spike felt his balls tightening up. He felt his cock pulse as his semen shot through onto Xander's waiting tongue. Felt his orgasm prolonged at the feel of Xander's muscles tightening around him with every swallow. "Fuck!"

When his shudders finally ceased, he pulled his softening member out of his lover's mouth. The boy looked incredibly fuckable at the moment. His lips were swollen from blowing him, and his eyes were slightly glazed. The irises dilated so fully that they were barely ringed with any brown.

Quickly he knelt down in front of him, and began stripping his clothes off. Once Xander was completely naked he began to go to work. "Your turn luv." He said quietly before dipping his head down to take in one already turgid nipple. He licked all around and then sucked in the tip before gently scraping the sensitive flesh with his teeth. While he worked on one with his talented tongue, he pinched and pulled at the other with a free hand.

Xander was long past coherent speech and lay writhing and moaning on the wrinkled blanket. He was so hard he was aching, and he could feel dreaded tears coming to his eyes. The pleasure was almost unbearable, and he wanted to cry with the intensity of it. His relief at having Spike's taste once more on his tongue was almost palpable.

When he felt one cool hand surround his dick, he thrust almost completely off the floor. "God! So long, I needed you so much Spike." He mumbled as he continued to thrust into the loose grip. "Harder please! Fuck! Tighter!"

"I know luv. Shhh." Spike hushed him, even as he tightened his grip. As he squeezed and pumped with one hand, his other came around to beg entrance at Xan's puckered hole. The tight ring of muscle contracted at the first tentative touch. Xander thrusting forward into Spike's cool palm, and then back onto the questing finger at his opening.

"Please Spike please." He begged. "Please." He was nearly crying once more. "Need you so much. Need to feel you in me. Filling me. Completing me." He bit down on his bottom lip as he felt the first finger breach his hole. "Uhng! More! More! God Spike! Can't wait. Need you now."

Spike leaned forward to kiss Xander on the lips causing the young man to open his eyes when he pulled away. "Have to wait luv. Just need to get some lube." Xander bit back a sob as the finger left his ass and Spike reached out to the coffee table for the hand lotion there. He waited impatiently as Spike slicked up his hand, spreading liberal amounts of lotion on three of his fingers.

Spike could see that Xander was desperate, he didn't want to leave the boy wanting for any longer than necessary, but he wasn't about to bugger the boy bloody either. His erection had returned with a vengeance and he was just as eager as his lover but he wanted to do this right, especially if it were going to be their last night together.

To appease the pleading man before him, Spike swooped down and took the dripping cock into his mouth. Xander cried out and bit his bottom lip bloody to keep from coming. He didn't want to cum until Spike was fully sheathed within him.

He lost himself in the sensation of Spike's cool tongue swirling up and down his penis. He could feel Spike's taste buds scraping against every vein and ridge on his cock, and his brain closed off to everything but that feeling. His brain nearly exploded into a million pieces when he once again felt the breach of his tight ass.

With two incredible sensations to focus on, his mind went into meltdown. He was thrusting as hard as he could into Spike's wet mouth, while at the same time thrusting down as fast as humanly

possible onto those cool fingers. There were two now, and then three. Stretching him, preparing him, and *fuck*, making him see stars. Spike was reaching in and scraping the small nub of his prostate with one of his long black fingernails and it made Xander wild.

"Enough! Spike please! Please God!"

Spike pulled out, almost reluctantly. The cries and pleas his boy was shouting were incredibly addictive. But he knew that once he was inside the boy himself those cries would diminish to nothing at the new sounds that would issue from that swollen, lickable, fuckable mouth.

"Hush now. I'm right there luv, feel me?" He placed his cock head at the tight entrance to Xander's body. The boy whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut tight, his hand wandering down to the base of his dick to stave off his climax.

"Hard and fast luv? Or slow and sweet?" Spike tormented him. Xander cried out as the head of his lover's cock finally pushed it's way through his tight ring of muscle. "Feel me luv? Pushing my way through? Gonna fuck you luv. Gonna make you cum so hard you'll ache for days." He looked down to see Xander's deep expression of concentration, his gaze traveling down until he could see the purple cock he was trying so hard to tame. "Love your cock Xan. It's so beautiful. So nummy. All hard and angry and red and pulsing. Makes me hard just seeing it. Just thinking about it. Just remembering the taste of you on my tongue, in my mouth. The feel of your cum oozing out of my hole, coating my thighs after one of our nights together."

Xander's eyes blinked open. What was Spike saying? It was so hard to concentrate. The words were so hot and the feelings were so intense. But what was he saying? Did he remember? Before he could ask, Spike shifted his hips thrusting himself balls deep into Xander.

"Ahh!" Xander cried. "Fast and hard Spike! Fast and hard!"

Spike took that as his cue and began to slam into the boy beneath him. He shifted again so that Xander's legs were as spread wide as possible. One looped around his waist, the other hanging above his shoulder. Spike used his arms to spread them even wider. The tight pull of Xander's body each time he retreated was incredible. He could feel the walls contracting around him, and the warmth seeping through his cool cock.

Spike finally reached around and batted his boy's hand away. He gripped the boy's penis in his hand and began to pump fast and furious. He could see tears leaking through from under Xan's lashes and he increased the pressure on his cock. Shifting once more to angle his penis until he could feel Xander's sensitive nub with the tip of his cock.

Xander was openly sobbing now. The pleasure after all the stress of the past few days, too much for him. "Spike! Fuck! Love you! Love you!" He chanted as Spike felt his hot sticky jism coating his fist and chest.

Spike continued to pump into the shuddering body below him. Leaning down to lick up the traces of semen his lover had spent. Once the boy was clean, he leaned forward to press his lips to

Xander's once more. Pulling away he whispered a quiet, "I love you," before spurting his own cool cum inside his love's tight channel.

Afterwards they lay together, sprawled across the crumpled blanket. Spike's arm wrapped securely around Xander's waist, his body spooning his boy's back.

"Spike?"

"Yeah luv?"

"Did you mean it?"

"'Course luv." He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on the back of Xander's neck. "I'm back."

Okay, so he hadn't exhausted all of his tear reserves.

"Shhhh, luv. No more tears now." Spike wiped away the tracks with his thumb.

"Spike…" Xander was trying to get a hold of himself. "I missed you so much. I didn't know if I could take another day of you not loving me."

"Hush now Xan. I always loved you, whether I knew it or not. The feelings never went away, I just didn't know what they were." He gave Xander a squeeze with the arm wrapped around his waist.

"Really?"

"Really luv."

They were silent for a few moments before Spike spoke again. "So…you got to meet William."

"Yeah!" Xander sounded a little excited now that he knew that his Spike was back. "You were great. So sweet and shy. It was a totally different side of you." Xander was grinning widely.

"A good side?" Spike asked tentatively.

"Every side is a good side Spike."

"So you didn't think William was a ponce?"

"No, 'course not." Xander answered, feeling the slight tremor in his lover's arm. "What's wrong Spike?"

"Guess I was just a bit scared luv."

"Scared of what?"

"That you might feel different. Now that you've seen…met William." Spike shrugged.

Xander turned to face his lover. "That would never happen Spike." He pulled apart slightly to take both of Spike's hands in his own, rubbing them gently. "I love you as Spike. I love you as William. I'd love you no matter who you were." He leaned in and gave Spike a long wet kiss. "As long as you were mine."

Spike shuddered and felt his arousal returning at the proprietary air surrounding Xander. Instead of giving in, he just wrapped his arms around his boy once more and laid his head on his chest. "Always luv."

That's how Buffy found them when she finally returned from her scouting mission. She'd found the crazy tower Glory was building and knew that the ritual would be taking place there. She noticed the couple lying sated and content on the floor and wanted to give them a few more hours together before they all headed to whatever fate awaited them. So she headed up the stairs to her own room, letting the two men continue to sleep in each other's arms.

Chapter 11 - Glorificus and the Gate (NC-17)

Spike's eyes blinked open. He stretched wide making sure not to jostle his still sleeping lover. Spike let his gaze wander the path of Xan's body, stopping briefly to stare at the half hard morning erection he sported. Spike's smirk turned into a predatory smile as he slowly pulled the sheet off his boyfriend in order to enjoy his stark nakedness.

Xander stirred slightly mumbling in his sleep as Spike ghosted cool fingers over his chest. His nipples hardened instantly as Spike feathered them lightly with his touch. Xander's mouth parted and a small puff of breath escaped as Spike moved lower and gently took his cock in his mouth.

Spike stared up at Xander's face as he slowly pumped up and down the shaft, sucking lightly at first, and then increasing as he felt the cock harden further. He reached down to gently grasp Xander's balls and roll them together, pulling them slightly away from the warm body. He continued to massage the sac until he could feel drops of salty precum drip down his throat.

Xander woke to the feel of deliciously cool wetness surrounding him. He moaned and began to thrust up into the welcoming mouth. "Fuck Spike!" He whispered urgently as the sleep haze slowly wore off.

"Mornin' luv." Spike chuckled at the groan Xander let out when his mouth left his throbbing flesh. Quickly he dipped his head down once more to taste Xan's hot skin. Teasingly he trailed his tongue all along Xan's inner thighs, once or twice taking quick sweeping licks of his heavy sac.

Finally Xander couldn't take any more. Grabbing Spike's head he forced their eyes to meet. "Stop teasing." His statement was laced with urgent need. "Suck me." Spike felt the command down to his bones, and it made his cock jump. He shivered at the feeling of ownership Xander invoked in him.

"Tell me luv. Talk to me." Spike made the simple request before taking Xander whole once more.

"God Spike! You're so good…love your mouth…fuck! Love your tongue. Yeah…oh shit!" Xander lost words for a moment as Spike tasted the skin around the mushroom head, dipping his tongue in to dig through the slit at the top. "Ungh!"

Xander again took up the short shallow thrusts bucking his dick to push at the demon's willing throat. "Always want you. Sucking me. Swallowing me down. Can you feel me Spike? Can you feel me throbbing in your throat, dripping down and coating you with my precum? Is it salty or sweet?"

"Mmrmrmrrrmrrr." Spike purred at his lover's erotic inquisition. The vibrations caused Xander to buck sharply, and apologize quickly. Spike shaking his head slightly in rebuke for the apology.

"You love that don't you? Making me lose control. Making me so hot and hard I can't think straight. That all I can think, all I can want, is to fuck you. Thrusting in to your mouth, your ass, your body. God, stop Spike!"

Immediately Spike pulled off his cock with an audible pop. Replacing his mouth with his hand, he pumped his lover slowly. "What is it you want pet?"

"Turn over." Xander growled at him. When Spike was on his stomach splayed out in front him, Xander got down and slowly spread his ass cheeks. "Love your whole body Spike. Your tight little hole. Just waiting for me." Xander dipped his head down and began to lick at the opening.

"Ahh fuck!" Spike gave an involuntary shudder at the feeling of warm wetness, thrusting his ass up to give Xander more access.

Xander reached around and placed a pillow beneath his lover, making him more comfortable. Then he got back down to work. Slowly he stroked Spike's tiny opening with his tongue. Making it completely flat he ran it over the hole, once and while stabbing it through the opening. Every time he breached the vampire's body Spike would lurch toward him, begging for more.

"Luv - ungh! More luv. Want - fuck! Want you in me. Your tongue, your dick, your fingers, anything! Just need more!"

Xander pulled Spike's cheeks apart as far as they would go. Spike spreading his legs wider than he though possible. His dick was throbbing and leaking all over the pillow below him. The cotton

friction not nearly enough to satisfy his urgent need.

Xander then thrust his tongue in as far as humanly possible making Spike howl and buck thrusting his purple cock head against the pillow and silently crying with the need for something harder, firmer, and tighter. Xan thrust his tongue in and out, fucking Spike slowly and deliberately until the vampire lost complete control growling and erupting into game face.

Finally Xander pulled out, neither man having found release yet. Spike groaned in protest, wanting to sob at the loss. Xander trailed white hot kisses up Spike's spine until he could feel the warm breath tickle the hairs at the base of his neck. Spike's whole body was thrumming and he cried out once more when he felt slick fingers enter him, stretching and scissoring to prepare him.

He jumped slightly at the sound of lips smacking by his ear, having concentrated too completely on the fingers tickling his inner walls. "Mmmm. You taste so good Spike. Can never get enough." Then Xander was nibbling on his ear. Licking at the sensitive flesh just below the lobe. All the while finger fucking Spike until he swore that he could actually see spots in front of his eyes.

Once again a silent sob attacked Spike when Xander's fingers pulled out, taking with them his delicious warmth. "Are you ready for me lover?" Spike could only nod his head vigorously, biting down on his bottom lip in an effort to control himself.

Spike felt relief flood his entire body at the soft touch of Xander's cock head. His anus contracted in anticipation. Tortuously slow Xander pushed in, forcing the head past the tight ring of muscle. Xander let out a long breath at the feel of Spike tightening around him.

"Since we had hard and fast last night, I think we should enjoy a little slow and sweet." Xander whispered in his ear as he thrust in a mere millimeter by millimeter dragging the torture out. Finally he was all the way in, his balls making a soft smacking sound as they hit against Spike's cool flesh. "What do you think?"

Think? He couldn't think. Xander's cock was buried in his ass. He was finally breached and full and he wanted nothing more than for Xander to start moving. "Please luv." He whispered, thrusting back onto Xander's dick as he begged. "Please fuck me. Fast and hard, slow and sweet. Whatever you want. Just move!"

Xander chuckled silently as he slowly pulled out of Spike. He moved as slow as he could given his own desire to immediately plunge back into the suctioning cavern of his lover's channel. But from the moaning and thrashing Spike was doing below him, he knew that his lover felt every scrape of his cock along the way. Once he was almost completely out, he oh so slowly pushed back in. Continuing the slow rhythm until Spike began to beg once more.

"Luv touch me please!" Spike begged, his own hands had been pumping his cock furiously, but he longed for Xander's warm touch. The moment he felt Xander's hands on him he took his own and braced them against the floor, pushing up to meet Xan's downward thrusts. "Xan please. God please. Too much. Not enough. Need…need. Gah!" Xander thrust down harshly poking his hard cock at Spike's prostate.

Xander could feel that Spike was close. And on impulse he reached down and bit sharply at Spike's shoulder. The vampire cried out and spilled all over Xander's hand and the pillow. His anus contracting around Xander as his orgasm washed through him.

Xander stilled for a few moments, waiting for Spike to return to him. When Spike realized that Xander had still not come, he wiggled his ass in tempation. "Hard and fast luv?"

"Fuck yeah." Xander panted harshly as he finally began to pound into his lover. He licked the few drops of blood still welling on Spike's shoulders and whispered a husky "mine" into Spike's ear. The vampire shuddered. He loved it when his mate reclaimed him. He loved that Xander felt so strongly for him.

Spike began to rhythmically tighten his muscles on each of Xan's downward thrusts. A minute later and he was rewarded with Xander's harsh pants and hot semen.

Xander rolled slowly off Spike, wrapping his arms around his lover and pulling him to his chest. They snuggled for a few moments. Spike leaning up to kiss Xander gently, before getting up to shower and dress for the day.

***

Dawn was fighting back the tears that threatened as Glory's minions tied her to the top of the tower. When she'd first climbed the stair and reached the top, she gave an involuntary shudder as she looked back down at the ground. There was no way she'd survive a fall from this tower, and so had no choice but to obey when they had brought the chains out.

"You won't get away with this. Buffy's gonna save me." Dawn quietly informed the goddess.

Glory only smiled at her, infuriating Dawn even more.

"She's gonna kick your bony ass!" Dawn screamed.

"Tsk. Tsk. Watch your mouth little girl. Didn't your sister teach you any manners?" Glory turned to leave, ordering a few minions to stay and watch the key. "I'll be back sweetie. Don't wait up." And then she was gone.

***

Xander was scared. He knew that Spike was the only one who could really protect Dawn once they got there, Buffy would be too busy with Glory, but he feared for his love. He heard and echoed Spike's promise to protect Dawn until the end of the world, and Xander knew that they would never break that promise.

He hefted his sword more comfortably on his shoulder and snorted. Their weapons seemed so small and useless. How could they fight a hell god? He felt Spike's cool hand on his shoulder, then clasping his one free hand.

Without looking at each other they knew. Whether they could or not wasn't the point. They had to.

***

"Spike!" Xander cried as he saw his lover bound up the stairs of the tower. "Please God." He murmured softly as he continued to fight the minions surrounding him, protecting the girls as best he could.

Then he saw Glory and Buffy fighting and kicking their way up the tower as well. Mentally he shouted to his lover to watch out, be prepared. Glancing up momentarily to catch a glimpse of black as it swirled in the wind at the top of Glory's crazy contraption. His heart caught in his throat when he noticed a third figure there as well.

The scream echoed harshly, bouncing off the walls as he saw Spike fall lifeless from the tower. In a cold fury he attacked and killed all the minions in his path until finally he was there. Kneeling by Spike's side, sobbing openly at the unconscious figure laying before him. His whole body going numb while he waited for his lover to turn to dust.

His attention was caught momentarily by a flash of light above him. The Gate, he thought. Glory's opening the Gate. He couldn't summon the heart to care. If his love was dead, what would it matter if all the demons of the universe descended on top of him now?

"It's happening luv." Spike whispered. "I failed."

Xander's heart flipped at the sound of Spike's voice. Quickly he turned back to reassure him. "No Spike. You did everything you could. We all did." And then he lowered his lips to Spike's in one final kiss. "I love you." He whispered, looking back up at the Gate he wondered if this were their last moments together.

But then the Gate flashed once more and collapsed into itself. Xander watched in fascination until he realized that one final body was hurling out of the Gate before it closed. "No!"

Buffy's body lay crumpled only a few feet away. The Gate closed, Glory dead. But at what price? Xander's tears flowed freely. He looked down to see tears shining in Spike's eyes as well. Reaching out they held each other fiercely while the rest of the scoobies came out staring at the body of their friend in shock.

Where do they go from here?

Chapter 12 - Grief and Love

Xander stood dry eyed and still as the casket was lowered to the ground. What was wrong with him? He'd cried ten times a day this past week, but now, NOW, when he really should be crying, nothing. He shook his head, lowering his eyes to the ground before his feet.

He felt the gentle pressure as Spike wrapped his waist in a one armed embrace. The vampire's eyes shining with wetness, only made Xander that much more frustrated with himself. What was

wrong with him?

Dawn's sobs were loud and heart wrenching. She stood in between Willow and Tara, supported on both sides. Giles stood a little behind the three, his eyes dark and incredibly sad. He'd lost a daughter in Buffy. And Xander knew that if anyone blamed themselves for Buffy's death it would be Giles, her ex-watcher.

The funeral ended. Xander closed his eyes and leant into Spike's cool body. Was it time to go home yet? Could they just leave? No. They would follow the girls back to the Summers home and do the meet and greet for all the guests. They couldn't, wouldn't leave the rest of the gang to deal with it.

Resignedly he reopened his eyes and pulled away from Spike. As they turned to walk back toward the car, Spike's hand shot out and took hold of his. Giving silent but understanding support. Xander held on for dear life.

As he walked he glanced around him at the other guests heading back to their cars. Did they think it strange that the funeral was held at night? Or was it just another Sunnydale phenomenon to be ignored? Nobody had asked. And it wasn't as if the scoobies were going to volunteer information.

They trudged up the hill, finally reaching their car. Xander slid into the passenger side, not wanting to think enough, function enough to drive the few blocks it would take. Spike started the car without a word. Only taking Xander's hand once more after they'd cleared the cemetery gates.

Arriving at the Summers home, they saw that the house was already full. They had a plethora of casseroles and other buffet type items out on the dining room table. It seemed that every neighbor and otherwise clueless resident of Sunnydale had thought a potpie or a pineapple upside down cake would somehow make everything better.

Xander wanted to cry out with frustration. Instead he walked toward Dawnie and just held his arms open. She flew into them, sobbing on his shoulder struggling to catch her breath. He ran gentle fingers through her long shining hair, and cooed words of comfort in her ear. All the time feeling numb and lifeless himself. Where were his tears?

The rest of the night was spent mingling. Excepting condolences, answering questions. Finally, finally the guests left, leaving in their wake silence and a sad sense of relief. At least this part was over. Were they supposed to get on with their lives now?

Xander and Spike helped the girls clean up the house. Throwing almost everything they could away. Nobody wanted to keep any reminders of why the food and desserts had been given. They didn't need any.

Exhausted Spike and Xander headed home. It was after one in the morning, and they had just kissed the girls goodnight and left Giles to watch over them. They climbed in to the car, still silent. Reaching home they plodded up the stairs, neither one wanting to take the time to wait for the elevator.

Xander stripped bare the second they entered the bedroom. He was cold, but felt trapped in his clothes. So naked, he slipped under the covers, drawing the sheet up to his chin. He was shaking when Spike followed him.

Immediately Spike pulled Xander into his embrace, rubbing his arms up and down the boy's back and arms, cooing softly.

"It's okay, you can cry now luv." Spike whispered in his ear. The first full sentence either of them had spoken that day.

And like a dam he burst. His voice exploded in a keening wail, shudders wracked his body. Spike only continued to coo softly, purring now and then, and rocking him gently.

His crying tapered slowly. His voice was hoarse and his throat felt raw. "She's gone Spike." His head shook in denial. "Why? How…how are we supposed to go on? What's going to happen

now?"

Spike petted Xander's hair, still rocking him gently. "Life Xan. Life happens now." He whispered the words in Xander's ear, giving it a gentle kiss before continuing. "We go on, because we have to. Because we made a promise and I intend to keep it." He continued to

stroke Xander's hair, a familiar and comforting gesture. "Buffy asked us to live. And so we will."

They lay together for several minutes, Xander's breathing returning to normal, his eyes drying. He leaned up to give Spike a chaste kiss on the lips, and whisper a quiet "thank you" before resettling on his chest. And as dawn drew near they both quietly slipped into the oblivion of sleep.

THE END.