Title: Will the real Xander Harris please stand up?

Author: Josette Grover

Feedback: josette_g98@yahoo.com or jgrover@tm.net

Fandom: Buffy, the Vampire Slayer

Rating: PG, for some mild swearing

Pairing: N/A

Archive: Yes

Synopsis: Xander's got a secret, the real reason why he doesn't like Angel(or does he?)

AN: Pretty much a snippet, more stories may show up in this universe if anybody's interested. Takes place during Season One before Spike supposedly showed up in Sunnydale for the first time, Buffy died at the hands of the Master, and Buffy and Angel did the Wild Thing.

AN II: THIS IS EXTREMELY AU. Angel doesn't exist, the curse didn't work. Instead, Angelus pretends to be the Souled Vampire looking for redemption. Spike and Drusilla has been with Angel in Sunnydale ever since he arrived there. Angelus is working with Buffy for his own reasons. Xander wasn't born in Sunnydale, he moved there a year or so before Buffy did.



Will the real Xander Harris please stand up?
By Josette Grover

Xander drops the battleax with a groan and straightens up from the crouched position he had been holding for the last three hours. Silently cursing the bad luck that had gotten him tagged for patrol duty tonight by Giles because the Slayer had a date, he grabs the items he had been ordered to pick up and heads for his real home, not the house occupied by his 'parents'.

The door closes behind him with a dull thud and the air of goofiness he's worn as a disguise falls away. He's home, he doesn't need to pretend to be the bumbling goofy kid the Slayer has to protect.

"Alexander, did you get the items I asked for?" a voice yells from the other room.

"Yeah, reason I'm late is the Bloody little bitch of a Slayer had a date tonight and Giles told me I had patrol tonight." Xander says, dropping the American accent he uses to annoy his family and walking across the room to lay on the couch.

"What??????" the voice roars as the speaker enters the room.

"Yep, seems she told Giles she had to stay home and study, so he told me I had to take her patrol duty. Caught her coming out of the movie theater nattering with one of the college blokes." Xander says in disgust, the emerging British accent making him sound more and more like Spike every day. "I'm going to have fun tormenting her about that tomorrow when I go to the library. Giles is going to go Ripper when he finds out she lied to both him and Joyce about studying."

"Did you have any trouble finding everything I needed?" Angelus asks, coming into the room and grabbing the bag of items from the coffeetable."

"Nope, went to Willie's and he just handed the bag over to me without a word. Didn't even have the fun of teasing him about being soft in his old age."

The door behind them opens and Spike comes into the room, cursing fluently in five different languages.

"What's eating you?" Xander asks, looking up from his spot on the couch.

"I had something planned for the Slayer and she didn't even have the decency to bother to show up." Spike says, dropping onto the couch. "And move your big feet, whelp, I want to sit down too."

"Bitchy had a da-ate, bitchy had a da-ate, bitchy had a da-ate." Xander says in a sing-song voice, sounding like a two year old tattling on a playmate.

"You're fucking kidding me?"

"Nope, she lied to her mother and Giles saying she was going to study with Willow. I caught her outside of the theater with one of the college boys that's been snooping around her. I took a couple of pictures of her and Willow laughing with the boys and had them sent to Giles, Willow's parents, and her mother anonymously. The movie they were watching only opened tonight, so they can't say it was another night."

"Whelp, you are a master of fucking them over." Spike says, wrapping an arm around his younger brother and giving him a noogy.

"Hey, I learned from the masters." Xander says, shoving his older brother away with a smirk. "I'm going to go to bed for a couple of hours."

"Goodnight whelp, evil dreams. Goodnight Alexander."

"Night, Spike. Night, Dad."



END