To Love Someone

By Reets

PAIRING: Cassian/Marcase

RATING: This go round, PG. But it will get better

ARCHIVE: yes, but let me know where.

Beta thanks go to Alexandra. She worked so deligently with me on this. Thanks so much. Any flaws left now are mine, I probably missed some of the corrections she suggested. :-)

DISCLAIMER: Not sure who owns these guys, but I know it’s not me. Just borrowing. This takes place after Touch of the Dead. Edward figures out he just might have some feelings for his boss.

TO LOVE SOMEONE

By Reets

Edward Marcase sat down his coffee cup a little harder than he planned and sent the liquid within flying across the tabletop. The blonde woman smiled and closed her eyes at his reaction to her suggestion. Rachel Roberson stepped close to him and reached out a hand to his chest. "He found his reason to live."

"I know that, but I had nothing to do with it."

"Are you so sure?"

Edward nodded but wouldn’t meet her eyes.

"The first person he looked at when he opened his eyes, that was you."

"So? It could have been anyone standing near him, doesn’t mean anything." The deepness in Edward’s voice clouded his words.

"This isn’t possible anyway, he’s not like that."

"Many people get to a point in their life where they come to terms with who they are and what they want. Don’t push Daniel away if he comes to you."

"He won’t."

"Then what could be the harm in going to him?"

"How about our working relationship, professionalism. The last thing I need on my resume is ‘fired for coming on to his boss’. No thanks."

Rachel hung her head; the spark had been there, she was sure of it. If only she could get them in the same room together with no other distractions.

Later that night Edward lay in his bed wide awake. He kept seeing Cassian die repeatedly and it made his heart ache. Cassian had survived, he’d found the reason to live and been brought back, but what about next time. Edward wasn’t sure he could go through that again. But what exactly was ‘that’. Was it losing his friend, watching him suffer and die, or the regret that he had never told Cassian how he felt? He pulled the blanket over his head and shoved his face in his pillow. The truth really sucked.

He reshifted his position for the 100th time and was actually somewhat glad that his beeper went off. It said simply, "I need you at the lab. —Cassian"

He dressed quickly and ran a brush through his hair. Other pleasantries would have to wait; a serious virus couldn’t.

Across town, Cassian groaned when his beeper went off. His recovery from the Mayan had been nothing short of miraculous, but he was still weak and needed rest. When he sat up, he saw a small candle burning by his bed and a cup of steaming tea. The little note beside it read. "Drink and feel your strength return, —All my love, Rachel."

He drank the tea greedily and hurried to dress. By the time he made it to his car, he felt incredibly good, almost giddy. He smiled as he thought of Rachel’s face. So kind, loving, but then it morphed into Edward’s, his brow creased with worry, his mouth set in a fierce hard line, his eyes filled with tears. He shook the memories away and headed for the lab. Personal feelings would have to wait; now they had another virus to combat.

Edward paced around the lab waiting for the other members of his team. He hated it when he was the first to arrive anywhere and tonight, after no sleep, he was especially irritable.

It wasn’t meant to be curt or hurtful but when Cassian showed he gave him a piece of his mind. "What the hell are you doing here? You should be in bed. We can handle some things you know, we don’t a need a baby sitter."

"Perhaps not, but I was beeped none the less." His enthusiastic attitude that had been so prevalent began to fail and he struggled to maintain his sense of humor with the hateful words. "Where is everyone?"

"I’m sure they’ll be here shortly, let me try and get the link going. Find out what we’re up against."

"Fine." Edward walked away; he found the nearest chair and plopped down in it. He was tired and regretted what he had said to Cassian already.

When the long fingers found his knotted shoulders and began a gentle massage he groaned. "I’m sorry about what I said, I didn’t mean it."

"I know, you’re tired. You’ve gotten little sleep in the past three days ‘baby sitting’ me. Did I ever say thank you?"

"Nothing to thank me for, it was Rachel."

"Nonsense. You were here by my side, trying to hold me together. I do appreciate that."

Edward laughed a little. "You’re welcome."

The link behind them beeped and they found out together that the powers that be, had not paged them.

"Thank you, we’ll check it out." Cassian raised an eyebrow at Edward. "Now I wonder who would try and get us here together."

Edward grinned and he remembered Rachel’s words. "Just see him, alone. You’ll feel what I mean."

Cassian stepped closer. "Are you all right?"

"Just tired, could not sleep to save my life." He winced at his own words. "Sorry."

"No need, I’m fit as a fiddle now. Want to get some coffee?"

"Nah, I better try and get some sleep."

Edward stood and Cassian had to take a step back so that he didn’t collide with the younger man. Their eyes locked for a moment but Edward looked away. He walked a few feet away then stopped. "You know, I am very glad you didn’t die."

"Me too." The smile was easy; Edward’s grin's made it simple to smile back at him. "Really I am, because if I had died, I wouldn’t be able to do this." He walked up to Edward and lifted his chin with his fingers, he let his lips brush those of his young friend’s for a few seconds before he pulled back. Edward’s eyes were still closed his mouth slightly open. "Now," Edward jumped as if he were snapped back from a trance. "You can attribute that to my illness or to mutual attraction, whichever you’re more comfortable with. I’ll see you in the morning."

Edward stood frozen to the spot as Cassian pushed past him, he didn’t miss the hand that came down and caressed his ass gently. All he could do was grin and shake his head.

*******

Two weeks had passed since Daniel Cassian’s recovery from the Mayan bacteria. Rachel had returned to the jungles of the Yucatan Peninsula to keep up her healing, but her notes to Edward and Daniel had not ceased. Edward was working diligently on a new strain of flu when Daniel cornered him. "You mind telling me what this is?"

Edward looked up from the scope to see a red rose. "It’s a rose, who’s it from?"

"Read the card."

Edward glanced at Cassian, but took the rose and read the attached card. He spoke the words aloud. "Sometimes the words won’t come and I need tell you what I feel in a different form. EM."

Edward cleared his throat. "I didn’t send it."

"No?"

"No!" Edward pushed passed the older man.

"Fine." Cassian tossed it in the wastebasket at Edward’s feet.

"Don’t play games with me, Edward."

"I’m not, I didn’t send the rose. I wouldn’t do something like that."

"Not a romantic?"

"I didn’t say that, I just wouldn’t send you a rose. It’s just not my style."

"Not, huh?"

Edward nodded innocently and Cassian stepped closer.

"I feel that barrier."

"What barrier?" Edward tried to laugh it off, but when Cassian put his hand up to touch his face Edward pulled away.

"That one." Cassian walked away.

Edward closed his eyes. He tried to get the vision of Daniel’s death out of his head. "Stop it!" He said aloud before he realized it.

Kim stepped close and placed a hand on his shoulder."Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just got a lot on my mind."

"Edward, you’ve been distant ever since this thing with Cassian and the Mayan. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?"

"I’m sure." Edward smiled at her, and she walked away. "I can’t."

That night he lay awake again, but this time he let his mind wander to the body his hands had caressed and held so much during Cassian’s time of need. He couldn’t push past the attraction, maybe his mind and body didn’t really want to. But he couldn’t love his boss, couldn’t think of having sex with Cassian, it wasn’t possible.

The knock at the door brought a groan. It was three am, who could it be at that hour? He slipped from the bed and put on his robe. He hurried to the door, as the knock became an insistent pounding.

"Hold on, I’m coming." He pulled it open to find Cassian standing there looking quite smug.

"Well maybe if you’d stop playing with yourself and answer the door, I wouldn’t have to pound on it."

"What?" Edward missed the reference and stepped aside as Cassian strode into the room as if he lived there. "What are you doing? Do you know what time it is? Is everything okay? You’re not having a relapse or something are you?"

"Walking, yes, no, no."

"What?"

"What am I doing----walking." Edward got the comments finally and held up his hands.

"Sorry. Is everything okay?"

"No Edward it’s not, please, sit down."

He did, reluctantly, on the large leather sofa; Cassian sank down beside him.

"You know, I’ve spent a great deal of my life loving someone I thought to be dead. I knew I’d never have her, you know. Never really, be with her again. But when Rachel came back and saved me, I thought, wow my angel has returned and all will be right with the world again." He looked at Edward now. "I was wrong."

"How so?"

"When I drank those herbs I felt Rachel inside my head. She was telling me to find the reason to live, the one sure thing in my life that would make me want to hang on. It was the work at first of course, then Rachel, then I realized that the one steady thing has been my friendship with you."

"That’s ridiculous Cassian." Edward was up and pacing now.

"Is it?" Cassian stepped in front of him. "Do you deny that we’re friends?"

"Of course not."

"Well, your friendship is very important to me, but there are other things."

"No, Daniel. There aren't. There’s nothing else."

"You’re wrong. So very wrong, Edward. Why do you deny what you feel?"

"Because it’s wrong. My wanting…" He stopped before he finished, if he hadn’t his feelings would have been revealed.

"No, Edward, it’s not wrong."

Edward looked up into his eyes.

"Come here."

Edward shook his head.

"Still want to deny it?"

Edward turned and walked away."It’s all I can do, Cassian, don’t you get it?"

"No, I don’t. Why don’t you come here, sit down and explain it to me."

"I can’t do that."

"What? Come to me? Is that it?" Cassian walked up to him. "Do you need me to be the strong one? Is that the game?"

"No game."

"But if you say, don’t, I can’t, and I sweep you off your feet, then it could be like you never yes, right?"

Edward shrugged.

"I see." Cassian turned and walked toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I’ll not force you to do anything you’re not ready to do, Edward." He opened the door and just stood there. "Maybe someday there’ll be a time for us, but not until you’re ready."

Edward locked the door behind Cassian and headed back to bed.

This had not helped his non-sleeping state so he stared at the ceiling. He heard the knock and started to climb out of bed. He didn’t have to; Cassian opened the bedroom door and came inside. He heard the lock, but sat frozen in place.

"I can be forceful, Edward, if that’s what you need." Cassian was on top of him now. Both his hands were pinned by Cassian’s large one and his neck was kissed and teased.

"Don’t do this, Cassian, it’s not what I want. Get off me."

"Really?" Edward’s mouth was set in a frown.

"Oh, sorry." Cassian leaned down and ran his tongue on the tightly clenched mouth. A moan escaped as soon as he moved his body against the younger man’s. "No, I can see you don’t like this at all."

"Cassian, not like this, I’m not ready for it."

"What are you ready for?" Cassian slipped to the side, but didn’t let Edward off the bed.

"Not this." He shoved at the leg between his thighs, but it didn’t move. Instead, it caused a reaction in his groin as the leg pressed against his balls. "Cassian, this is not fair."

"Fair? My waiting forever for you to come to terms with the morality of this, that’s fair?"

"I just need more time to deal with what’s in my heart that’s all."

"Fine, I’ll just deal with what’s in your pants." Cassian slipped his hand inside the boxers and caressed the hard length.

Edward jumped awake, his body covered in sweat. "Just a dream." He fell back on the bed and lifted the sheet. His shorts were damp with the force of his orgasm and he groaned. "Damn you, Cassian."

*****

Friday had to be the longest day of Edward Marcase’s life. He spent the entire thing in meetings with Cassian. Their lack of compromise on the personal situation had made life at work just a little more tense than usual. Michael and Kim had noticed and discussed the problem.

Kim cornered Cassian in the lab while Michael took Edward for coffee. "You know, Edward has been acting really strange around you."

"Yes, I’m afraid he regrets my not dying at the hands of the Mayan."

"I’m sure that’s not true."

"Oh, but I believe it is, dear doctor." Cassian sipped his warm tea and smiled at her. "Why? What do you think is the problem?"

"I think he’s infatuated with you and doesn’t know what to do about it."

"Infatuated? I see. Well, those things tend to work themselves out, now don’t they? No need for me to get involved."

Kim sighed. "How do you feel about him?"

"What?"

Cassian’s surprise registered in his eyes and she took advantage. "I was just wondering really, cause I think you two would be good for each other."

"Good for each other? That makes absolutely no sense. I irritate him more times than not and he’s just too…"

"Opinionated."

"No, I was going to say, too handsome to want someone like me."

"Never know."

Shiroma stood up and walked toward the door, but she overheard what Cassian said. "Yes, good doctor, I do know. He’s not interested."

Michael Haley handed Edward the sugar and watched as the young doctor dumped several teaspoons into his coffee cup. "Want a little coffee with your sugar?"

"What? Oh, yeah." He wrinkled his nose, as he tasted the sweet mixture. "Yuck."

"Yeah, so tell me what’s going on between you and Cassian, cause it’s really bugging me to see you so tore up about that old man."

"He’s not old."

Haley lifted an eyebrow.

"Well not that old. He’s only ten years older than me."

"And?"

"And nothing. There’s nothing going on."

"So what do you want to have going on? Little house on the prairie type shit, or what?"

"You make being with someone sound sooooo romantic." Edward hopped off the stool and headed out the café door.

"Well, tell me what you want in a," He cleared his throat. "Date."

"Look, it’s not like that. You meet someone you have things in common with and you go out. Talk, get to know each other better, then one thing leads to another."

"So? You and I have things in common, right?"

"Yeah, so."

"So, go out to dinner with me."

Edward studied his friend for a long moment. This was not something he suspected of Hailey, but he wasn’t sure exactly what the other man would expect either. "You want to take me out to dinner?"

"Sure, why not?"

"What are you expecting after dinner, Michael?"

"Nothing more than you’d offer Cassian."

"Ohh no. Look, you and I are friends; that’s more important to me than sex."

Michael reached in front of him and pulled the door open.

"I’m capable of doing that myself, or opening it for you."

"Right, like I’m going to take it up the ass."

"You say that like it’s a bad thing."

Michael's eyebrows shot up at the smirk on Edward's face and he let it drop. They headed back tothe lab.

As they went inside Cassian was headed upstairs. "Going to a meeting, be back in thirty." They both nodded and watched him get on the elevator.

"So we’re on for dinner tonight, right?" Hailey met Edward’s eyes and followed them as the other man glanced at Cassian’s. The elevator doors closed and Edward frowned.

"I guess, but I’m not promising anything else. Just dinner." The last part was said in front of Kim.

"Dinner? You and Cassian right?"

Edward sighed and pushed past her.

"Not with Cassian?" she asked Haley.

"Nope, with me."

"You? What game are you playing?"

"Maybe, we can make Cassian jealous."

"Does Edward know this?"

"Nope, thought it up on my own."

"This could seriously backfire, you know that."

"Yeah, I know, but then again, it might work out for the best."

"I hope you’re right, cause Edward is in a bad way."

******

Cassian sat in his meeting and stewed. He wanted to tell Edward what he felt, but now that Haley was moving in he had to move quickly. On the other hand he could wait, just not make a move at all. What if he followed them, see where this date woud lead. That, he decided was the ticket and what he would do.

******

Edward sat nervously across the table from Michael. Since they had began working together they had become friends, not close, but friends. The last thing he wanted was to ruin that friendship over something like this. He didn’t quite understand what was going on or why Michael had insisted on going to dinner, but he was here, picking through his salad.

"What’s the matter, not any good?"

He looked up at Michael’s smiling brown eyes. "It’s fine, just…"

"What? Wrong dressing?"

"Michael, why are we doing this?"

"What? Eating? I’m hungry."

"You know what I mean."

It was barely a whisper and Michael sighed. "I thought maybe it would take your mind off Cassian."

"You don’t expect anything?"

Michael laughed and shook his head. "Look Eddie, you’re cute and all, but not exactly my type. I thought maybe Cassian would overhear the invite and ask you himself. Guess we haven’t pushed it far enough yet."

"How so, push what? He’s not even here."

"Yes, he is."

Edward’s eyes grew wide, but Michael reached out and grabbed his hand. "Look at me, don’t act like a love sick puppy. Unless of course it’s aimed at me."

"Quit." Edward tried pulling his hand away, but Michael brought it up to his lips.

"Don’t." The warning was low and almost a growl.

"Ohh, baby growl again."

Edward jerked his hand away and shook his head.

"It worked, he stalked out."

"What?" Edward turned this time, but Cassian was no where in sight. "Where?"

"I just said, he left. Come on." Michael put money on the table and stood up. "We’ll take a walk."

Edward dropped his fork and wiped his mouth on the cloth napkin. "This is crazy." He followed Michael outside onto the crowded street.

Michael stopped a few feet away and held out his hand. He saw the look of anger on Edward’s face, but when the other man reached out, he pulled him close. "Relax, this is D.C. the big wigs do this all the time."

They walked together for a while then Michael pulled Edward down a side way and down to the waterfront. After they made it to the beach he stopped and tugged Edward close.

"What are you doing?"

"Look, I’m the straight guy here and you’re acting homophobic, relax and kiss me."

"What? No way!"

"He’s watching, just do it."

Edward relaxed somewhat in Michael’s arms and the other man leaned in for a quick kiss. "Now was that so bad?"

"No, can we go now?"

"Fine, back to your place. Cassian has no idea where I live. He’ll be at your house, waiting."

Edward slipped into the passenger seat of the Suburban and shook his head. "I don’t see it, Michael, how will he know to go to my place and not yours?"

"Maybe he won’t," Michael wiggled an eyebrow. "Maybe we’ll have time to have wild sex while he figures it out."

"Oh, please." Edward pushed him back and grabbed the door handle.

It took them thirty minutes to get home, driving so that the cab following could keep up. They kissed in the foyer for a few minutes before heading up the stairs to Edward’s apartment.

Once inside Edward sighed and collapsed in the nearest chair. "This is crazy."

"Why? Don’t like the way I kiss?"

"Nothing personal, Michael, but I’m not attracted to you."

Michael sank to the floor in front of Edward.

"What are you doing?"

"Not even a little attracted?" Michael leaned in and kissed Edward slow and gentle. When he pulled back, Edward stared at him. "Not at all huh?"

"Nope, sorry."

"It’s fine. Just thought, hell, one man is as good as another." Michael let his hand fall to Edward’s crotch to watch the other man’s reaction. "Isn’t that the way it is, sex is sex."

"Not for me." Edward gripped Michael’s wrist and tried to pull his hand away, but it caressed his cock through the tight jeans. "Stop it, Michael!"

"You mean you can’t get hard for me? Come on Eddie, everyone wants just sex these days."

"Not me! Stop it! Back off!" The last words were accompanied by a shove, but Michael pinned Edward to the chair."I can make you feel really good."

"Please, don’t do this, we’re friends."

"Yes. Michael, do keep the friendship alive when all else fails."

They both jumped at the other voice in the room. Cassian walked up to Michael. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Yes"

"NO!"

They both stated it together and Cassian laughed.

"Michael, you’re out of your league. Edward is mine, whether he realizes it or not."

"Think so, huh?" Michael said standing to confront Cassian.

"Know so, isn’t that right Edward?"

Edward glanced at both men, but said nothing.

"As I said, he’s mine."

"Well." Michael stood up. "I guess the best man won." He leaned down to Edward and winked. "Guess we’re just friends after all."

Michael grabbed his coat and took off out the door. This left Edward with Cassian, and any other time he’d be happy about that, but right now Edward was tired, confused and irritated by Michael and Cassian. He stood up and adjusted his clothes. "Look, it’s been a long night, I need to get some sleep."

"Fine, I’ll join you."

"Cassian, that’s not a good idea."

"Why not? Are you scared of me Edward?"

"No, it’s just…"

"Just what? My presence will make you uncomfortable."

"You presence will make me very uncomfortable."

Cassian nodded. "Did you want me to call Michael back?"

Edward shook his head.

"What exactly was that exchange between you two? Why did you agree to go out with him?"

"He wanted to try and make you jealous."

"Of him?"

"I don’t know."

Cassian laughed and sat down beside Edward.

"Look I’m tired, it’s been a very long week."

"I know, I’ll let you get some rest. On one condition."

Edward shrugged and Cassian leaned over. He lifted the younger man’s chin and placed his lips on Edward’s.

"Let me tuck you in."

"Cassian."

"Please."

Edward nodded and Cassian kissed him again. This time the kiss turned passionate and Edward pulled Cassian down onto the couch. Cassian stretched out and covered his frame. "You are a very sexy man, Edward, did you know that?"

"I don’t see myself that way."

"Then let me show you how I see you."

Cassian stood up and reached out a hand to Edward. Edward took the hand up and led the older man to his bedroom.

*****

"I can’t do this." Edward stopped and turned to Cassian. "I can’t do this, I’m sorry."

"All right. How about a drink?" He followed the younger man out of the bedroom and back into the living room.

"I am sorry Cassian, I just don’t think this would be a good idea."

"I suppose not. I mean feeling good is so overrated these days. I can understand your reluctance."

"It’s not that. I just think it would be wrong of us to get involved."

Cassian took the beer from Edward and studied the bottle for a moment. "I suppose this means I'll have to stop watching your ass in the lab. Pity, it is cute."

"Is not." Edward blushed and sank down on to the couch. "Besides, when do you have time to watch my butt?"

"Ahh, well you see, I’ve been discreet. Wouldn’t want anyone asking the wrong questions now would I?"

"Everyone knows, doesn’t matter."

"Everyone knows what?" Cassian sat down beside Edward and leaned close. "If there’s nothing going on and no potential for anything to go on, then what do they really know?"

"I guess you’re right."

"Well, thanks for this." Cassian stuck the beer into his coat pocket. "But I have an early morning and you look extremely tired."

"Early morning? It’s Saturday."

"Yes, it is. I thought I might find someone who’d like to go out on my boat. You know, spend the day sailing the harbor, getting tan, relaxing."

"Sounds nice."

"Know anyone who might be interested?"

Edward glared at him.

"Oh, well." He looked Edward up and down for a long moment. At least until the other man squirmed and cleared his throat. "Oh sorry, just imagining what you’d look like in a thong."

"Not in this life."

"Fine. See you Monday, have a dreadfully boring weekend without me."

"I’m sure I’ll find someway to entertain myself."

"Good, maybe Michael could come over."

"Oh, haha."

The next day Edward spent the entire time moping. He knew what he felt for Cassian to be genuine, but he didn’t know how to express it without freaking out. He was so stressed that by the time he decided to get out of the house he was about to explode.

He headed down to the docks and waited for Cassian’s boat to come in, but he was late and the boat was already docked. As the sun began to set on the water he felt a warm hand run up his back.

He turned to see Cassian smiling at him.

"Change your mind?"

"Just got bored."

"Want to see the boat?"

"Nah, just want to watch the sunset."

"Hmmm, it is beautiful tonight." Cassian noted the looks that Edward gave him, but he didn’t say a thing. It was enough for now that Edward was there.

"Yeah," Edward smiled and looked at Cassian. "Want to have a drink?"

"I have a bar on the boat."

"Cassian."

"Fine, give me five to change."

"I’ll be here."

Cassian changed quickly into jeans and a baggy shirt and headed out onto the deck. Edward was sitting on a bench watching the stars as he approached.

"You’re simply edible, did you know that?"

Edward stood up and stepped close. "You have a way with words, Cassian, did anyone ever tell you that?"

"Come on, let’s take the boat out to the middle of the harbor, anchor and just float. We’ll have a better view of the stars and no one will bother us."

"Look, I’m kind of hungry too. Thought we could get a bite to eat as well."

"Okay, but I get to pick the restaurant."

"Fine, but I’m driving."

"No need. Several very nice places to eat right on the waterfront. Walking distance."

"Great."

"Thought you’d see it my way."

Edward ordered a scotch and soda, but Cassian interceded. "I think wine with seafood, don’t you."

"I just want a drink, don’t care what I eat."

"You must eat, drinking on an empty stomach is murder. But you’re a doctor, you know this."

"Yeah, but…"

"No buts. How does lobster sound?"

"Crab sounds better."

Cassian smiled, it had been the first real thing Edward had requested. "Crab it is then." Cassian ordered their meals and a bottle of wine. They ate in relative silence, exchanging glances and small smiles.

Half way through the second bottle of wine Edward excused himself and took a long time coming back. When he did, he looked pale and weak.

"Are you all right? Not ill I hope."

"No, the crab didn’t agree with me, that’s all."

"How could it, you barely touched it. Nothing but wine in your stomach."

"Sorry."

Cassian ordered a ham and cheese sandwich and stared as Edward slowly ate every bite.

"I feel like a cow."

"Come on, I’ll get you back to the boat."

"I think maybe I should go home."

"Well, I'll take you there then."

"My keys." Edward turned several times and almost ran into the table beside him. Cassian came up and gripped his hips to steady him. "Keys are gone."

The man at the next table stood up. "That’s probably a good thing."

Cassian pushed the man aside and helped Edward to the door. "Put it on my account Andre, please."

"Fine, Dr. Cassian." He slipped the doctor a paper bag and smiled as the pair left.

"Come on Edward, don’t be such a lush."

"I’m sorry, but that wine hit me hard." Edward held his head and moaned. "Take me home."

Cassian put Edward in the car and strapped him in the seat. He headed to the younger man’s apartment, almost glad to hear the light snoring coming from the other side.

Once they got to Edward’s apartment, he hoisted Edward over his shoulder and deposited him on the doorstep. Edward fumbled for the keys. Finally Cassian’s frustration took over and he reached inside Edward’s pocket and got the keys.

Edward groaned and smiled. "Being forceful tonight, aren’t we, Cassian?"

"Come on, inside." Cassian heaved Edward through the door and closed it behind them. He took two steps then stumbled across something in their path. They hit the floor, Edward on bottom and Cassian swore slightly.

Edward maneuvered and turned over so he was face to face with Cassian.

"Why, Cassian, I thought we agreed not to do this."

Cassian had already begun backing off when Edward reached down and caressed his cock through his jeans. "Edward, don’t do that unless you mean it."

"Oh, I mean it." Edward pulled Cassian’s head down and kissed his mouth several times before he let it go. Cassian frowned at him and backed off. He was hoisted to his feet in the next instant and pushed toward his bedroom.

"I think you need a good night’s sleep, that’s all."

"Gonna join me?"

"What is it with you?" Cassian pushed him to the bed and straddled his waist. "Are you trying to get me hot and bothered?"

"Maybe. Why not?"

Cassian leaned down and kissed Edward very tenderly before sitting up. "Because you set the rules remember, you couldn’t do this. Your words as a matter of fact. Now today, you show up at my boat, get drunk and now you want to have sex."

Edward felt very self-conscious suddenly and looked away. His pulse was racing from the alcohol and his cock was hard from the close contact with Cassian. "Get off."

"Get some sleep, Edward." Cassian got off the bed and watched as the younger man curled into a ball. He pulled Edward’s shoes off then retrieved the blanket from the end of the bed. He spread it out over Edward and lay down behind him. "You just need some rest, that’s all."

Edward groaned at the contact, but didn’t turn over. His mind flashed back to their first kiss. How innocent and perfect it had been. Now everything he did seemed wrong, every sentence an argument.

After a bit he drifted off and didn’t wake until around 2am. He turned over to see if his protector was there, but the bed beside him was cold. He sighed and pulled the cover back.

The constant throbbing in his head veered him to the kitchen first, where he consumed several pain relievers. Then he opted for a shower to make his body feel better. After a nice long hot shower, he trudged to the kitchen in just a towel to raid his fridge.

Unfortunately, the thing was empty.

"In the brown bag, near the sink."

Edward jumped and glanced toward the couch.

"Morning."

"You’re here."

Cassian crossed the floor to him and stopped a foot away. "Yes, couldn’t leave you in that condition and not feel guilty about it."

"I’m sorry. I don’t usually drink."

"I can tell." Cassian grinned and retrieved the bag. From it, he pulled sliced lunchmeat and cheese.

"Oh, that looks good."

"Thought you might have the munchies when you woke up."

"You’re a good friend, Cassian. Better than I deserve really."

Cassian stepped close and Edward raised his head in acceptance of the expected kiss. But it never came; instead Cassian retrieved the loaf of bread from the counter and turned away.

Edward groaned. In the short time he had been close to Cassian, his body had already reacted. His cock was engorged and threatened to poke through the confining material of his towel.

"Is bread all right? Or would you prefer crackers?"

Edward cleared his throat and snapped his mind back to reality as he stared at Cassian’s body. "Bread is fine."

"Good, have any mustard?"

"I don’t know. I’m gonna get dressed."

"Edward."

The younger man stopped and turned to look at Cassian.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No, I’m just embarrassed that I made such a fool of myself. It’s not you." Edward watched Cassian walk toward him and before he could react, his towel was on the floor.

"It’s not me? What is it then?" Cassian gripped the hard cock and stroked it a few times.

Edward’s eyes slid closed and he pumped his hips to the rhythm of the tight fist."Oh, God."

"He’s not here right now. Only me." Cassian slid to the floor and eyed Edward’s cock. The helmet head was an angry red, the tip leaked long strings of pre-cum. Cassian licked the underside of the head, and Edward gasped.

"Been a while?"

"Forever." Edward gazed down at Cassian through slightly closed eyes and smiled. This was what he wanted, needed and refused himself to have. This union with Cassian that would make everything okay in his world, or so he believed.

As the lips formed a tight opening, he moaned at the suction in his boss’s mouth. "Oh yeah, just like that." He was rewarded with Cassian taking his entire length deep in his throat. He groaned and grunted as he neared his release, forcing the now sensitive cock down his lover’s throat. He was lost in the sensation of the moist, wet recess and when a finger snaked its way into his ass, it pushed it over the edge. He screamed Cassian’s name and came, never releasing the hold on Cassian’s head.

Cassian swallowed every sweet drop of Edward’s cum and licked the softening organ until the man above him collapsed against him. He stood up and lifted Edward in his arms and plopped the pliant figure on the bed "Just what you need, sleep."

"No," Edward grabbed Cassian’s shirt and pulled him down. "I need you."

"Not like this Edward. I want you when you’re sober."

"Now is fine." Edward pulled Cassian’s head down and kissed him again, hard forceful. His tongue slipped between Cassian’s lips and the older man groaned into his mouth. He dominated the kiss for several minutes until Cassian pulled away.

"Damn."

"Exactly, please don’t leave."

"Edward, you’ll regret this tomorrow."

"So, that’s tomorrow." Edward ran his hands down Cassian’s back and bumped his groin up against the other man. "I need you Daniel, please, make love to me."

"Edward," He forced Edward’s thighs apart and settled between them. "Are you offering your body to me?"

Edward nodded, but winced.

"What’s wrong?"

"Your belt, it’s…ouch…killing me."

"Sorry."

"That’s okay, flip."

"What?"

Cassian’s question was answered when Edward flipped him over and started taking off his pants.

"Oh, you meant flip"

"You are so hot, Cassian. You parade around," Edward unzipped the jeans and tugged them down the slim hips. "I get hot just watching you. The authority in your voice just drives me crazy." He slid them completely off then climbed up Cassian’s thighs.

"Really?"

"Hmmmm," Edward slid the boxers down and kissed the spongy head of Cassian’s cock. "Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to taste you?"

"No," Cassian cleared his throat as Edward licked his cock like a lollipop. "Oh, God, Edward, how long."

"Forever." He took the cock as deep as he could without gagging and set a fearsome pace. Cassian was gasping and panting above him, chanting his name repeatedly. He enjoyed the feel of his lover’s cock in his mouth, so it was with a great regret that he pulled away.

"What…why did you stop?"

"Because," Edward climbed up and kissed him. "I want you inside me."

"Really?"

"Does it surprise you?"

"Yes, a little. I didn’t think you’d want to be on bottom."

"Oh, yeah. With you especially. I want you to take me, Cassian, make me yours. I've wanted that for a long time."

"Do you know what you’re asking?"

"Yes," Edward kissed Cassian again, this time soft and gentle. Then he worked his way down to the hard nipples and teased them until Cassian moaned. "Please, I have everything we need."

"Edward, I want to make love to you, but tonight...is not a good idea."

"Please, Cassian, I need you." Edward stretched out on top of him and kissed his neck. "I want to feel you inside me, owning me, making me belong to you…please." The last part was more a purr than anything else, and Cassian groaned. Edward knew that the other man’s defenses were waning. "What’s the matter, don’t think you can do it?"

Cassian rolled and trapped Edward beneath him. "Don’t do that,Edward."

"Why not?"

Cassian saw the challenge in Edward’s eyes and he grinned. "My rules."

"Okay."

"Anything goes."

"Anything, as long as you fuck me."

"Oh, I will Edward, I will."

Edward watched as Cassian climbed off the bed and went to his closet. "Hmmm, let’s see what we have here." He tossed several ties on the bed and shut the door. "You never wear these to work."

"I do, sometimes."

"Well tonight, they’re going to be used for other things." Cassian grabbed Edward’s right arm and pulled him up the bed. He secured the wrist to the post with a dark blue silk tie. Edward pulled and struggled for a bit, but could not get free. Cassian nodded and repeated the move with the other arm.

Once his prey was spread out on the bed he stood back and examined the young man. "You are so beautiful." He knelt down and kissed Edward’s stomach, grinning as his hips came off the bed.

"Please, touch me."

"Like this?" Cassian stroked the renewed erection for a few minutes, and Edward hissed through clenched teeth.

"Yeah, more."

"More? You seem tired."

Edward’s eyes popped open.

"I think you should get some sleep before we do something you’ll regret."

"CASSIAN!! You can NOT leave me like this."

"Hmmm, maybe in the future..." Cassian licked the end of the swollen organ and Edward moaned. "But tonight, you’re gonna sleep. If you get loud, I’ll have to gag you."

"No, please. Just make love to me. Come on Cassian."

Cassian almost gave in, but he knew that Edward would regret not being in his right mind when they finally did make love. He just wished that he hadn’t let him drink so much. He sighed and leaned down for a kiss. "Sleep well."

"Come on." Edward began struggling with the ties. "I’m wide awake and horny as hell. You can not leave me like this."

Cassian went into the living room and made himself a drink. He waited for ten minutes until Edward got quiet. Then Edward started screaming.

Cassian hurried to his side. "Stop that, you’ll wake the neighbors."

"Let me go."

"Sleep Edward, it’s what you need."

"Please."

Cassian lay down beside him and curled up on his chest.

"Cassian, please. Untie me, I’ll go to sleep."

"Promise."

"Yes, I promise."

"Okay, but sleep only."

"Can I go pee?"

Cassian laughed and untied one of the ties; Edward took the other off and hurried from the room. When he came back, he had a pair of boxer briefs on and looked pissed off.

Cassian frowned. "You’re not upset, are you?"

"I’m going to sleep. I no longer desire your body, okay. I just want to go to sleep." Edward curled on his side at the edge of the bed.

"Edward, don’t be like that. Scoot back here."

Edward flashed him a dirty look, but scooted back.

"See, we can be together and not have sex."

"I don’t understand why we couldn’t have sex."

Cassian snaked an arm around Edward’s waist and pulled him close. He dipped his head down and whispered into Edward’s ear. "Because you are drunk."

"No, I’m sober and now I have a headache."

"Ohhh, poor baby." Cassian brushed the hair from Edward’s face and kissed his cheek.

"Don’t."

"Oh, come on. Let’s lie together and enjoy the feel of skin on skin."

Edward sighed and took a deep breath.

"You need to sleep. Maybe in the morning, when you head is clear we’ll rethink being together."

"Yeah, right."

"Well, see what I mean. The thought of making love sober scares the hell out of you."

"What?" Edward turned in his arms, but Cassian held him tight.

"It scares you, doesn’t it?"

"No," He couldn’t meet Cassian’s eyes. "It’s not that."

"Then what?" Cassian lifted Edward’s chin and met his eyes.

"I’m tired." Edward turned over and Cassian scooted as close as possible.

"Then sleep."

"Fine." Edward accepted the arm around his chest and actually scooted closer to Cassian. In his dream state he wondered if this wasn’t the most perfect feeling in the world. To be held by someone, loved by someone and wanted by someone. He shifted and Cassian adjusted to him, never losing the skin to skin contact.

"Cassian."

"Hmmm," The sleepy growl was just behind his ear. "What love?"

"I’m sorry about tonight, getting drunk and all. I really do what to make love with you."

"How about you prove that in the morning."

"You’re on."

Cassian leaned forward and kissed Edward’s lips several times before releasing his head. "Good night."

Edward snuggled even closer and Cassian smiled. He’d won this battle, but how many more would the headstrong young doctor invite him into? Eventually he’d have to win the war as well, the war to win Edward’s heart.

*****

Cassian turned over as the warm sun streaked through the window. He stretched his tall frame and turned over. The bed beside him was empty, but still warm. Edward had slept through most of the night.

He listened for his new lover and heard him whistling in the kitchen. From the sounds and smells, he determined that breakfast would soon be ready.

Cassian got up found his underwear neatly folded on his jeans and pulled them on. He thought about completely dressing, but if Edward were to keep his promise, half dressed would be much easier.

He found Edward working on scrambled eggs in the small kitchen. He approached quietly and snaked his arms around Edward’s waist. The younger man gasped and jumped a little forward.

"Just me."

"Hey."

Cassian wasn’t encouraged by the tense stance and shy looks that Edward flashed him, so he stepped away opened the refrigerator. "No juice?"

"It’s already on the tray. I was doing a breakfast in bed thing."

"Oh, well, sorry I screwed that up."

Edward’s smile was warm, but still appeared a little forced. "Why don’t you sit down at the table, it’ll be done soon."

"How about I go back into the bedroom and let you finish."

"Sure, if you’d like."

Edward swallowed hard as Cassian stepped close and leaned down. Their lips met for an instant and his mind was swept away. So much so that his finger slipped and touched the hot stove. "Ouch." Edward pulled back and broke the kiss.

"What’s wrong?"

"Burnt." Edward stuck the offended digit into his mouth, but Cassian grabbed it, looked at it, then brought it to his lips and kissed it.

"Must be careful. Hurry I’m starving."

Edward watched as Cassian headed back to the bedroom. He finished the eggs and dumped them on a plate, beside the bacon slices. He had to push the door with his foot and almost wore coffee. He paused for a long moment, as he enjoyed the sight. Cassian was stretched out on the bed, a thin sheet drapped across his lower half. He sat the tray down carefully, well as carefully as he could in his state of mind. The vase slipped over and as he reached for it, so did Cassian and their hands met.

Edward licked his lips and smiled. "Sorry."

"No problem." He watched as Edward tried to find a comfortable seat on the bed then finally wiggled a finger at him. "Right here."

"What?"

"Sit here, with me." Cassian pulled back the sheet and sat up. "Here." He patted the bed between his legs.

Edward’s pulse quickened. Cassian’s hard cock was very visible and it made him a little light headed to think about the whole situation. He wanted to do this, but wasn’t sure he could go through with it.

In the back of his mind, he believed that if he got drunk and did it with Cassian he could explain it all away the next day. Never would he have imagined Cassian saying no to sex.

"I can’t."

"Do I offend you? I guess I shouldn’t assume that you want to resume what we were doing last night."

"I do, it’s just…"

Cassian slid forward and caressed Edward’s thigh, but the other man pushed his hand away.

"What?"

"Cassian, don’t."

"Don’t what? Don’t touch me, don’t kiss me, what?"

Edward shoved him back and got off the bed.

"Or is it, don’t make me feel what I’m feeling?"

Edward brought both hands to his head.

"I’m sorry, Edward. I just don’t think you’re ready for any of this." With reluctance he found his clothes and got dressed. He couldn’t help wonder why Edward had instigated this in the first place. But he was sad to have to be the one to end it before it really began. He made his way to the door.

"Cassian, I don’t…"

"Save it Marcase. Like you said in the beginning, maybe it is better this way."

Edward hung his head as Cassian walked out the door. He’d have to face the past eventually or he’d never have a chance at a future. But today, he wasn’t sure he could do it. "Cassian."

"What?" The older man turned quickly, the annoyance and anger prevalent in his voice.

"Don’t leave, let’s talk."

"Talk." Cassian mulled it over for a few minutes, then sighed. "You want to talk."

Edward nodded.

"Fine."

"Fine, after breakfast?"

Cassian shook his head, not believing that Edward wanted to go back into the bedroom. But he followed and waited.

"Sit, down."

"Why not just do this at the kitchen table. It’ll seem…less… stressful that way."

"I thought you wanted breakfast…in bed."

"Look, I think I should go. You’ve obviously more upset about trying to start this relationship then I imagined."

"Relationship?" Edward put his arms across his chest. "What are you talking about?"

"So you planned this to be a one night stand. I see, well that explains a lot. Look I’ve had tons of one night stands, they ended way before this."

"What? No…not a one night stand. I don’t…"

Cassian slipped his hands into his pockets and sighed. "I’ll see you in the morning for work. Okay?"

"No, please let’s talk."

"I’ll get the tray." Cassian put the food on the table as Edward sat quietly. He looked more nervous than a mouse in a cat circus and Cassian didn’t know why.

"Thanks."

"Edward, why did you come down to the docks?"

"I wanted to see you, see how you were."

"Who I was with?"

Edward blushed and smiled.

"Ahh, thought I might be having a torrid affair with someone?"

"No…well…maybe."

"Look, I asked you because I wanted to be with you." He leaned in closer to Edward. "Is that so hard to imagine?"

"No, it’s just…"

"Besides, I hoped to see that cute ass in a skimpy swim suit. Believe me ‘almost nude’ is just as sexy as totally nude."

"Eat your breakfast."

"Then do I get to see that cute ass?"

"Maybe."

The next twenty minutes were filled with exchanged glances; small smiles and they even managed to hold hands on the table.

"I’ll wash, you dry."

"Why not let the dishwasher do it all?"

Cassian raised an eyebrow. "Fine, you don’t want to do domestic chores with me, that’s okay."

"I didn’t say that, don’t put words in my mouth."

"Okay. I’ll wash. You dry."

"Come on." Edward loaded the sink and they washed the dishes. "You’re crowding me."

"Just cause I want to be closer to you." Cassian leaned in and kissed Edward’s ear.

"Don’t."

"Don’t, stop, quit."

Cassian rinsed the last dish and put it in the drainer. "All I hear from you. How about this. I’m going home to take a shower. Then I’m going to spend the afternoon on my boat. I’ll be at the dock around 2, if you want to come."

It took a few minutes of silence before Edward looked him in the eye.

"If you don’t show up, then we forget this ever happened, okay?"

"If I do?"

"Then we’ll go out on the water, float and talk. Nothing more."

"I didn’t mean, ‘don’t' you know, I just meant…God I don’t know what I meant." Edward tossed the towel over the sink and headed into the living room.

Cassian followed closely behind him and pulled him to a halt. He spun the frustrated young man and kissed him hard on the mouth. The kiss met with heated resistance for about thirty seconds, and then Marcase took over and slipped his tongue into Cassian’s mouth.

Cassian took advantage and slipped his hands under Edward’s tee shirt. He pinched and teased the firm nipples as Edward moaned into his mouth. Breath was needed so both men tore away and gasped, but Cassian didn’t relinquish his hold on Edward’s body. "Tell me to leave now or ask me to stay."

Edward licked his lips and considered what he was getting himself into for a moment. "I’ll meet you this afternoon, okay?"

"Edward, you’re playing a very dirty game." Cassian pushed away and left quickly.

It took Edward an hour just to work up the courage to change his clothes. The thought of meeting Cassian and what might happen heavy on his mind. It was so new to him but he was sure he belonged with Cassian. The phone beside him rang and for a moment he thought it might be Cassian, wondering where he was. After a few rings, he picked it up. "Lo."

"Edward, why are you not with Cassian?"

The familiar female voice startled him. "How did you know…"

"I feel his anguish, his despair and his loneliness. I had hoped that you would cure those things in him."

"I don’t know."

"Think back a moment on how this journey began. Close your eyes."

"Rachel I don’t have time…"

"Close them, Edward, or you just might regret this decision the rest of your life."

His eyes slid closed and he relaxed. The voice in the telephone kept repeating the same words, Cassian is dying and you can’t help him. A feeling of utter helplessness flooded through Edward and he fought back the tears. The events of the past week flashed in his mind. Cassian's heart stopping, the knowledge that he would only see his friend alive a few more hours, then Rachel’s cure. Seemingly, more harm than good. Cassian’s life slipped away and the sense of loss and regret that filled his soul. He loved him, didn’t know how to express it quite yet, but he loved him.

"Still with me?"

Edward opened his eyes and wiped the tears away. "Yeah."

"Still think you need to fight what you’re feeling?"

"I don’t know, it’s so complicated."

"Wasn’t complicated when he was lying there slipping away. You knew you loved him. What changed?"

"Nothing, everything. I don’t know. Leave me alone." He hung up the phone and wrapped his arms around his chest. He curled up on the couch and closed his eyes.

Cassian looked at his watch for the 100th time that hour. It was nearly 2:30 and he signaled for the captain of his small yacht to launch. He kept a close eye on the docks, hoping that Edward would change his mind, but he knew it was useless now. Whatever scared Edward in the past still haunted him and nothing he could do would change that. So tomorrow, they would go back to being working associates and hopefully friends, but nothing more. He sat down in one of the lounge chairs and looked up at the warm sun. He couldn’t waste another minute wanting someone who didn’t want him. Life was too precious. As they pulled out onto the open water, he thought he saw a figure on the docks yelling, but he chalked that up to wishful thinking.

*******

Edward swore to himself as Cassian’s boat pulled past the last line of shallow water and headed for the open sea.

"Problem buddy?"

He turned to see a small scruffy man polishing a bell. "Yeah, I missed my friend’s boat."

"Need to get out there?"

"Yeah, can you do that?"

"Sure, just give me five."

"Anything, just get me out there."

*******

Cassian made himself a drink and walked back to the deck. The cool water sprayed around him and he pulled his robe tight around is chest as a chill ran up his spine. He sat down and laid back. In the warm sun, he dozed lightly, but a shadow crossed his face. When he opened his eyes Rachel’s form stood glowing before him. "Rachel?" He dropped the glass and gasped.

"Calm down Daniel, I just needed to tell you something."

"What? How?"

"I came because you needed me. I know what you’re feeling and you have to be patient with Edward. He loves you and he’ll come around, but you must allow him to do so at his own pace."

"He’s made his decision about it. He would have met the boat if he had wanted to talk. He didn’t."

"All in time, Daniel."

As the image became more translucent, he reached out; desperate to have one last contact with the woman he loved so deeply. He called to her, but a hand reached out and took his and his eyes flew open.

"RACHEL."

"Whoa, Cassian. It’s just me."

"Edward?"

"Yeah, I missed the boat. Fell asleep, sorry."

"No, it’s…" Cassian cleared his throat and glanced around the boat. "It’s fine."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, why do you ask?" Edward sat down on the end of the long chair and smiled.

"You called out to Rachel in your sleep."

"Sleep? I wasn’t asleep."

"Yeah, you were snoozing." Edward smiled. "Sorry I didn’t make it sooner."

"Quit with the apologies, once is enough." Cassian was up in the next instant. "We should celebrate your arrival somehow."

"How about we just sit down and talk."

"Oh, now. Don’t poop the party before it starts. Let’s have a swim, shall we?"

Cassian radioed the Captain to slow to a stop, and then he turned back to Edward. "You did bring a suit, I’m assuming."

"Yeah." Edward blushed and lowered his eyes.

Cassian drew him close. "Let’s have a look, shall we?" He grew bold and slipped his hands inside the sweat pants. Cassian inched them down Edward’s hips and revealed a very cute suit. Nothing too skimpy, but nothing too bulky either. It was cut to the thigh instead of high on the hips and made the crotch more prominent. Cassian kissed the fury skin of Edward’s stomach and felt the flutter of excited muscles beneath his lips. He helped Edward out of his shoes and sweats, standing slowly as he kissed his way back up.

"You…" He pulled the T-shirt up as he went. "Are beautiful."

When he reached Edward’s chin he raised it and kissed his neck several times. To his delight Edward’s hands snaked around his body and pulled him close.

The next kiss was soft, timid and reserved. Neither wanting to push the other into anything unwanted. Edward moaned into Cassian’s mouth as the long fingers slipped inside his suit and kneaded the muscles of his ass. "I ahhh," He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against Cassian’s. "Thought we were going for a swim."

"Well, passion lays waste to the best made plans sometimes."

"I really do want to talk before we go any further."

The sigh was one of despair and frustration, but Cassian let lose his soon-to- be lover and stepped back. He rubbed the front of his bathing suit. "Tease, tease, tease."

"No, Cassian." Edward pulled him back flush against his body. Letting the older man feel his desire. "Feel that? I want you too, but I need to talk this through before we do anything more than we’ve done."

"I can wait, I suppose." Cassian turned and caressed Edward’s cheek. "But this is what you do to me." He rotated his hips so that their cocks rubbed against each other. Edward released a strangled growl and pulled away. "I won’t apologize for that."

"Listen. I’ve only been with one other man this way and it ended horribly."

"How so?"

"He died."

The color ran from Cassian’s face. For someone like Edward, that pain must still haunt him. "I’m sorry."

"It’s been a while now, but sometimes I can’t stop thinking about him."

"How did he die?" Cassian watched the change in Edward. Was he scared to tell him whom he had been with?

"A virus."

"Oh my, well, I can see why it would upset you all the more. Nothing you could do?"

"He wouldn’t let me." Cassian watched as the younger man paced a bit. "I might as well say it. It was Allen."

"Shiroma’s Allen?"

"Yes." Edward sighed. "It wasn’t like we planned it or anything, it just happened. Before he got sick, we used to talk about everything. Love, life, sex, women, men." Edward found a chair and sat down. "I was in love with him and when he got sick…"

"Are you feeling guilty about loving him or stealing him from Kim."

"A little of both I guess. When he got the virus, I tried to get him to come back for treatment, but he was convinced he didn’t have it. And…"

The pause was long and Cassian sat down beside Edward and took his hand. "And?"

"There were things we never talked about. Like what we’d do if Kim came there or whether or not he’d get married. I never knew where I stood with him. I kept asking myself if he stayed in Zaire for the work or me. I became obsessed with needing to know."

"How so?"

"I don’t want to get into it. But I guess in a way it’s made me leery of relationships. I was in love with him," Edward turned away. "And maybe I’m falling in love with you, I don’t know. But I need to know if this real."

Cassian smiled at the thought of Edward loving him. But the questions around that love were pressing and difficult. "Real? You mean, concrete and steel real?" They stared into each other’s eyes for a bit then Edward looked away. "Nothing is carved in stone Edward, life changes around us everyday. But if you’re asking me if I want to see you, yes. Do I want to have conversations, long walks, dinner under the moonlight and hot sex, yes. Very much." Cassian laughed a little and Edward’s mood seemed to lighten a bit. "Can’t we take it one day and one emotion at a time?"

"I guess."

"Then come on, let’s start with a swim then have something to eat here on the deck. Then we can contemplate life and it’s mysteries." Edward stood up and took Cassian’s hand. Cassian grabbed it and stood up, but pulled Edward close instead of releasing him. "Kiss me."

"Cassian." The whine had less force behind it than his previous ones and he submitted to the lips on his until they opened and an insistent tongue tickled his. He smiled and pulled back. "What about the captain?"

"That bothers you?"

"Yeah, a little. Kim and Michael know me. It just feels weird, that’s all."

"Easily solved." He picked up the phone. "Yes, Lance, just wanted to let you know I'll be taking the boat back in, you may leave when you’re ready." He winked at Edward. "Of course I’m sure, be quick." He hung up the phone and Edward smiled. "Feels good making you smile." He embraced the younger man and nibbled on the nearest ear.

"Cassian, thought we were going for a swim?"

"If you insist, but I warn you the water is cold."

"That’s okay, I think I could use that right now." Cassian frowned and pushed his bottom lip out a bit. "You can warm me up later though."

"Fine."

"Still haven’t given me the tour."

"Why don’t we wait until you’re willing to make good use of the cabins before we explore them."

"Fine, I’m heading into the water."

Cassian nodded and chatted with the captain as he came down the steps. Edward dove into the cool water and came up yelping.

"I told you it was cold."

"Yeah, but it’s great, come on in."

"Just a second." Cassian saw the captain away in the ‘life’ boat that was strapped to the back and then joined Edward in the water. "Wow, this is great."

Edward dove beneath the surface and grabbed Cassian’s ankles. He pulled him under in a swift move and then swam as far away as he could before the older man broke the surface. "You’ll pay for that, Mr. Marcase."

Thirty minutes later Edward collapsed on the sun-warmed deck of the ship still laughing and gasping for breath. In reflection, he really should have known that Cassinan’s lean build was a swimmer’s build. He had lost every game that he’d started and his lungs ached from expelling water. He took a deep breath and peeked at the sun. It was starting to set; it wouldn’t be long before they lost the light entirely. The sun was blocked suddenly, and he was covered with a cold wet, near-naked body.

"Didn’t think you’d get away that easily did you?"

Edward laughed and tried to roll Cassian off, but it was no good. Cassian’s knees had spread his thighs and the older man had him pinned down. "I give, I give, you win."

"Yea for me. But what do I win?" He leaned down and captured Edward’s mouth in a passionate kiss. One that was returned with enthusiasm and lust. "Let’s go below and I’ll show you the bedroom on this thing."

Edward shook his head.

"What's the problem now?"

"Here, right now."

"Here, on the deck."

"Didn’t you ever want to live dangerously, Cassian."

"Don’t we do that everyday, Mr. Marcase?"

Edward smiled and thought about it for a moment. Okay so he wouldn’t be very happy about someone whizzing by seeing his ass in the air, but the deck felt so good right now. The warm wind caressing their drying bodies as the setting sun cast funny shadows across deck. He just didn’t want to move. "Can we wait until the sun sets?"

"Romantic?"

"I’ve tried to be, is that okay with you?"

"Anything to make you happy." Cassian curled behind Edward and draped his arm across the younger man’s stomach. From their vantage point, they watched the sun kiss the sea and slide beneath the waves. As the darkness took over, a chill ran down Edward’s body.

"Come on, getting cold."

"Oh, I’m quite warm." Cassian pushed Edward to his back and kissed him. He busied his hands inside the tight suit on Edward’s lower half. But Edward kept grabbing at his wrists.

"What?"

"Let’s shower first, get the salt off."

"I thought you tasted quite well with extra seasonings."

"Cassian. I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m very nervous."

"Oh, how cute. My little Eddie is afraid."

"Don’t."

"Sorry. I promise to take it slow and careful." He pulled Edward to his feet. "That is until you beg me to do otherwise." Edward blushed and headed for the cabin door. Cassian smacked him hard on the behind and laughed when he yelped. "Oh I’m sorry, but that ass was just asking for it."

"Inside." Edward held the door open and waited for Cassian to pass through. "I hope you can pilot this thing in the dark."

"I could, but why bother, we’re all alone, very comfortable and very," he pushed Edward toward the bed. "Very," in one swift move he took off his bathing suit and stood up. "Very horny." He reached for Edward’s and didn’t stop when the hand came up to stop him. The black suit was on the floor in the next instant and Cassian licked and suckled at Edward’s quickly hardening shaft.

"Shower?" Edward hissed as Cassian blew cool air over his engorged cock.

"Later."

"Good idea."

Cassian pushed him back and watched him tumble to the bed. To his delight Edward spread his thighs and motioned for him to come forward. He hurriedly covered the younger man and kissed him deeply. "I am…" he kissed the soft skin of Edward’s shoulder. "Going to make…" He moved his lips lower until he found a hard nipple and ran his tongue over it. Edward hissed and bucked against him. "Going to make you scream baby." He slid down the bed and kissed Edward’s balls, rolling them with his tongue.

Edward’s hands found Cassian’s head and filtered through his wet hair. He couldn’t help but moan as the talented tongue bathed his cock and balls. It was too much like a dream. He thought about pinching himself, but when Cassian lifted his legs and snaked his tongue into his ass Edward knew it wasn’t a dream. The hot tongue opened him for the finger that followed and he did nothing to stop it. In fact, he held his own legs for his lover as he plunged two fingers deep inside his body. It had been a long time so he was tight and the invasion was a surprise and shock. But he forced his body to relax and accept the fact that he was going to make love to Cassian finally. The two fingers scissored inside him making him squirm and whimper.

Cassian had repositioned himself so that he could suck Edward as he finger fucked him. He had every ounce of control he needed in this position. Edward was his finally and he was going to spend a great deal of time showing him how much this chance meant. He sank his fingers deep and Edward met his eyes. He grinned and kissed the tip of Edward’s engorged cock. "Ready for more?"

"Yes." It was the only word he could muster and as soon as it left his lips a third finger joined the first two, the opening of his body stretched further than it had ever been. "Ohhhhhh, god."

"Just relax, Edward, I don’t want to hurt you." He kissed Edward’s thigh. "Unless you asked me to, of course."

"I know but….ahhh." He squirmed and wiggled his ass, trying to make the intrusion less painful.

Cassian saw the tear that danced on his eyelashes and pulled away. He washed his hands and returned to find Edward on his stomach. "Edward." He ran his hand along the younger man’s flank and watched the rippled muscles move beneath his touch. "Let me make love to you."

Edward glanced back over his shoulder then turned over slowly. The act was so seductive that Cassian moaned out loud. He stretched out and covered his reluctant lover, planting small kisses on the smooth skin as he slid upwards. As he reached Edward’s mouth the younger man was panting and undulating beneath him. He wrapped his arms around Edward’s body and slid his fingers inside again. "It’s necessary sweetheart, I have to make sure you’re ready."

"I know." He leaned up for a kiss. His body relaxed and allowed the fingers entrance again. This time they returned with more lube and the sensation took him over. He kissed Cassian slowly, circling his tongue around the older man's then sucking and chasing it back inside Cassian’s mouth. This made Cassian moan and speed the fingers inside his ass.

Cassian pulled his fingers out and leaned back. "I think you’re ready for me Edward."

"Okay."

The look of confusion on Edward’s face made Cassian kind of worried. He rolled them so that Edward was on top. "Sit up."

"Oh, I don’t know, I think you need to be in control here. I don’t think I can do this."

Cassian ran his hands down Edward’s torso and stomach. "You are so beautiful." Edward smiled and blushed. "Here." Cassian lifted his hips and slipped his cock over his opening. "Take me inside you, Edward."

"Not like this, please."

Cassian nodded and let him slip away. Edward lay flat on the bed and spread his legs. "You’re sure you want our first time like this?" Cassian mounted him and put his arms around his stomach. His lips pressed against Edward’s neck and cheek. "Cause I’d really like to see your face when I make you cum."

"For now, like this, please."

"Okay, you’re in charge."

"NO!" It was almost a panicked yell and Cassian grew leery of this situation all together. "You’re in charge Cassian. Just you."

"Does that make it easier, Edward," He pulled back and jerked Edward over, spreading his thighs and forcing them to his hips. "Easier to pretend that you didn’t want this to happen."

"No, Cassian, that’s not it."

The older man held his arms above his head and rocked, his cock pressed against Edward’s and he moaned. "Ahhh, you like this, don’t you, Edward."

"Yes, I never said I didn’t."

"Lift your hips." Edward did and Cassian repositioned his body. Both of Edward’s hands were held by one of Cassian’s, the other guided his rigid member into the waiting orifice. "Breath, Edward."

The younger man gasped as the blunt head slid inside his body. "Burns, oh God…Cassian."

"I know, shhhh." He released Edward’s hands and caressed his face, balancing himself on his elbow as he did. "It’ll pass." He kissed Edward’s lips several times and slid deeper inside him.

The thick, hard force pushed inside his body, stretching his insides. "Oh man."

"You’re so beautiful, Edward. Your body is so hot, so tight."

Edward laughed a little through the pain. Cassian covered his face with light kisses and stroked his soft cock. Torturous moments passed and Cassian stopped moving. His body relaxed around the intruder and Cassian withdrew a few inches. He gasped at the loss and clutched the older man’s shoulders. "It’s all right. I’m right here."

His thrusts were slow and calculated. He didn’t want to hurt his new lover. Edward wiggled his hips and opened himself wider. Cassian smiled, it was like a dream. Having Edward beneath him, connected body, mind and spirit. He wanted to make sure it was just as special for the younger man. "See, it’s not so bad on your back, is it?"

Edward met his eyes and shook his head a little. His lover shifted and forced his legs higher, sending his cock deep inside his body. He shuddered at the new sensations and blew raspy breath through his teeth.

"Relax, sweetheart." Cassian’s kisses were soft, gentle and sweet.

He relaxed and felt the hard cock pull almost all the way out then plunge home. He gasped into Cassian’s open mouth then moaned. The older man pulled back and met his eyes.

"Rock your hips."

He did as he was told and Cassian touched something deep inside him. He knew what it was, knew the medical term, but never imagined it feeling that good. He smiled and rocked again, feeling his cock harden between their bodies.

"That’s the way lover, keep it up."

He felt the young body beneath him relax in one way, but totally tensed up in another. Cassian knew that Edward was inching closer to the edge and he didn’t want him to be alone on his journey. He sped up his thrusts, reveling in the feel of the tight ass that clamped around his cock.

"You are so beautiful, did you know that?"

"Cassian."

"What?"

"Shut up and make love to me."

"I am, my dear Edward, I am."

"Cassian."

"Yes," He kissed the soft lips as they tried to speak. "What is it?"

"I want to turn over."

All movement stopped and Cassian stared down at him. "Why?"

"It’s hard to explain."

"Try." Cassian pulled out and let Edward’s legs down.

"Don’t be like that. It was a request. I can’t make those while we’re having sex?"

"Yes, but you said earlier that you wanted to be in that position. I’m just curious as to why, especially now that we are both so close to reaching that sacred plateau."

Edward looked away, but Cassian nudged his chin and made him look back toward him. "Tell me."

"I want to feel…submissive…you know, like you’re totally in charge. It…" He felt his cheeks redden at the admission and almost turned away, but Cassian was there, holding his chin. "It really would turn me on to know that I belong to you that way."

"Oh, I see." He nudged Edward to his stomach and forced his hips back. "Why didn’t you explain it like that before."

"I don’t…" He gasped as the hard cock slammed into him in one stoke. "I don’t know, I figured you’d think I was weird or something."

"On the contrary, I love the thought of you on your hands and knees, spread for me. I think I might come just by thinking about it." He thrust inside the willing body again. "Then again, the real thing is more perfect."

The talking all but stopped. Edward moaned as he stroked his cock. Cassian hummed as he slammed into Edward’s body. Both men lost in the sensation of the moment groaned as their orgasms approached. Both grunted and let lose a shout as the pent up fluid was forced from their body. Edward collapsed first, taking Cassian with him, the older man still pumping inside him. It wasn’t long before Cassian slowed and planted his sweaty body against Edward’s back.

His breath was cool against Edward’s sweaty body and he shivered. More from the sensation than the cool air, but none the less Cassian noticed. "About time for that hot shower now, don’t you think?"

"Hmm, when I can move again, sure."

Cassian pulled out slowly, not wanting to hurt him, but Edward gasped anyway. "I’ll start the shower, you look as if you could use it."

It only took Cassian a few minutes and he turned the shower over to the younger man. "Feeling okay?"

"I guess so. Not really sure yet."

"Oh, that’s good." Cassian cleaned the bed and headed upstairs on the deck to have a drink.

Edward found him lying in a lounge chair staring at the night sky. "Nice tonight."

"Hmmm, very."

"Cassian, I didn’t mean to sound so negative back there. I’m fine and being with you…"

Cassian stood up.

"Well, it was everything I imagined it would be. You made tonight very special for me." He submitted to the kiss and loosely wrapped his arms around Cassian’s waist.

Cassian ran his hands over the terry cloth robe and down the front. He untied the belt and it fell open, revealing Edward’s nude body. "You were saying earlier something about submission."

Edward blushed and nodded.

"So if I wanted you to submit, right now, you’d do it."

"Cassian, get real. We’re on the deck."

"Yeah, I know." He shoved Edward around and over the edge of the boat. The robe flew up and over the younger man’s back. Edward tensed but Cassian forced his hands out to the side. "Leave them there." He forced his cock inside the stretched hole. Edward gasped and cried, but he didn't retreat, instead he started a rough rhythm and soon Edward was pushing back against him. "Stand up." Edward straightened his body and balanced himself on the balls of his feet to keep his balance. "Touch yourself for me."

Edward moaned at the command and his hand automatically fell to his cock. "More." He curved his hand around the shaft and took long even strokes as Cassian plowed into his ass. "Get ready to cum."

"Not yet." A flat hand came down and slapped his hip hard and he gasped. It was more than he ever expected from Cassian. "Oh, yeah."

"Good, Edward." His thrust increased as he pounded into the man before him. "Getting close."

"Yes."

"Very close."

"Oh, yes."

"Now." Edward sped the pace and his cock came over the railing of the boat. He felt the streams of hot liquid pump inside his ass as Cassian came at almost the exact moment. He shuddered in the afterglow and Cassian held him tight.

"So beautiful, my Edward."

"Yes, yours, only yours." It was breathy and almost too quiet, but Edward knew that Cassian could hear him. Knew that everything was right in the world in that particular moment, for the first time in a long while.

*****

Edward groaned and turned over as his bed partner moved to answer the phone. He ran his hand down Cassian’s chest as he stretched over him. "Hello. Yes, this is Cassian." He glanced down at Edward and winked. "I understand, but I’m in the middle of the bay here. It’ll be a few hours."

Edward curled up beside him.

"That’s fine, we’ll be there around 9am then. Goodnight."

"Who was that?"

"An assignment if you want to call it that."

"What is it?"

"An archaeologist was discovered deceased, at a dig and they powers that be want us to check it out. Something strange about the body aging too fast."

"So, why did you tell them we’d be there so late."

"Because, my dear Edward," He turned over and kissed the waiting lips. "I am exhausted and if I don’t pull a few more hours sleep out of this night. I’ll crash this boat, kill us both and be of no use to anyone."

"Oh, I see." Edward grinned and ran a finger around a pert nipple.

"You see what?"

"I thought maybe it’s because you wanted to use this again." Edward grasped the hard organ between Cassian’s legs and the older man moaned.

"Hmmm, don’t tease me Edward," He yawned. "I’m exhausted." He pulled Edward close and kissed him again. "Go to sleep."

Edward lay there for several minutes before looking up at Cassian’s face. "Cassian?"

"Yes, love."

"Nothing."

"Hmm, good. Now go to sleep. We have to make a trip to San Francisco in a few hours."

He closed his eyes and listened to the steady beating of Cassian’s heart, felt the gentle rise and fall of his chest as his breathing became deep with sleep. His body ached in places, but it was all worth it. He was here with Cassian and it wasn’t as awkward as he thought it would be. He snuggled closer and wrapped his arm around the thinner man and sleep claimed him. Tonight it was free of dreams, nightmares and ghosts. He wondered briefly what was in store for them in San Francisco, but he was sure it wasn’t anything they couldn’t handle together.

-30-

to be continued in Fractured Dreams. Part of my Poltergeist: the Legacy Saga, To Hell and Back.