Title: Start

Fandom: CSI

Author: elfin

Start
by elfin

Nick pushed open the door of the San Francisco Forensic lab and looked around him. This was Grissom's new home-from-home.

A sliver of jealousy ran through Nick's heart and he stomped on it hard.

The receptionist looked up as he approached.

"Can I help you, Sir?"

"Yeah, I'm looking for Gil Grissom." She checked a small computer screen behind the counter. "I'm afraid he's out at a scene right now. Could I give him a message?"

"No, I'll... wait. If that's okay?"

"Can someone else help you?"

"No. No, he's an old friend."

She smiled and nodded. And he took a seat.

*

Gil rubbed his eyes as he wandered across the parking lot. Working graveyard, following it up with double after double, not sleeping when he finally did get to bed... he was exhausted.

"You think he killed himself, don't you?"

Distracted, he looked at the young man walking at his side and for a moment saw Nick there. He sighed, shook his head.

"I don't know. But... yes, it would be my best guess." He pushed open the glass door and stepped into the air conditioned cool of the lab complex. "The knot was tied right for a suicide and there was no evidence of anyone else in...." He trailed off.

"Gil?" Andrew watched his boss look up at a stranger sitting in reception, dark head back against the wall, eyes closed. He tapped the older man's arm. "Gil?" A little louder.

Nick heard it, opened his eyes and looked directly at the man he'd once been desperately in love with.

At that moment, he knew he still was.

"Nicky...."

Deciding it was time to duck out of the scene, Andrew nodded once. "O-kay. I'll meet you in Trace." He knew Grissom wasn't listening.

Nick watched the other man leave, jealousy searing his heart. This was all his fault. He'd destroyed everything and sent Gil running from his job, his home, from everything he knew. He had no rights here now.

Standing up, he took a step forward and stopped.

"Gil...." Everything he'd planned to say stuck in his throat. He saw the same pain in those expressive blue eyes, the pain he'd created from the love they'd shared, the pain he'd inflicted.

"What are you doing here, Nick?"

Nick. Clipped, voice controlled. There was anger somewhere in the background, but Gil was an expert at hiding his feelings.

How long had Nick worked to get Gil to show his feelings? And then, when he'd seen the real Gil Grissom, when he'd finally become the intensity of the great man's focus, he'd pushed Gil away.

"I had to see you," it was all he could manage.

"You had to see me?" Gil glanced around, making sure none of his new team was in earshot. This was his past. Nick was his past. "You ended it between us. Go home, Nick."

Tears blossoming in his eyes, Nick shook his head. "I can't. It's..." he swallowed, "it's not home anymore, Gil, not without you." He saw a flicker of emotion on the face he loved, a face that had
more lines that it once did. Grissom looked as if he was working himself in to the ground. "Tell me you're happy here," he hazarded, "tell me this is your home now and I'll leave."

"I'm happy here. This is my home now." But his voice broke on the last word and he looked away.

"Come back with me, Gil."

"No." But there were tears in his voice now. "I got over you, Nick. Please leave."

Side-stepping the younger man, Grissom surreptitiously wiped the tears from his eyes with his fingers, determining to make it to the safety of his office. But Nick caught his arm, not hard, not even firm. A gentle touch that undid the tattered ribbons of his self-control.

"I love you, Gil. I'm sorry."

Nick watched the love of his life shake his head and crumple into his arms. He clung to Gil as he was held tightly, so tightly he wasn't sure the other would ever be able to let go.

This time he was fine with that.

end