Title: Spiral

Author/pseudonym: Caroline Crane

Fandom: Dead Man on Campus

Paring: Josh/Cooper

Rating: R for language and sexual themes

Status: complete

Archive: yes to list archives

Series/Sequel: Who, me? Sequel? Yeah, okay, most likely at least one sequel.

The world was spinning. It started out slow, so slow that he almost didn't notice at first. Gradually it got a little faster, then he was either sinking or the floor was rushing up to meet him. He wasn't sure which, but when his face hit the floor it felt cool; soothing almost in a way that made the smell of dirt and industrial cleaning products not quite unbearable.

In fact it felt so cool that he was sure he could just stay that way forever, stretched out on the cool, flat surface with his arms out to either side. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought that maybe he should try to move, just to see if he could. Maybe lift up an arm, or turn his face so the other hot cheek was pressed into the cool, smooth surface underneath him. He thought about it some more, but his body didn't seem to want to move so he stayed where he was.

He wondered why there weren't any people around - or maybe he was surrounded by so many people that they all blended together. The spinning hadn't stopped, but it didn't make him as dizzy with the floor holding him down. Maybe everyone was gone - he remembered bodies pressing against him and the pounding of too-loud music, then everything faded and he was sinking into warm and thick and hazy. All he was really sure of was the lazy circles the room was turning in, with the occasional sudden dip for effect.

Hot - he was hot, burning up strip out of your clothes I don't care who finds me here hot, but he couldn't move anyway so no one would find him lying on the floor naked. That was probably just as well, but he wished someone would at least throw some water on him or something. There had to be some ice around here someplace. Maybe behind the bar, he remembered ordering drinks when they first got to the club so there had to be a bar. He didn't remember drinking enough to make him so dizzy, though; the last thing he remembered was following dark hair and a familiar pair of angular shoulders through the crush of bodies.

And when had he lost sight of Josh, anyway? He was sure if his roommate saw him sink to the floor that he would have been hauled to his feet by now, lectured on hygiene maybe or just taken home and put to bed. That thought made him smile, because whenever Josh brought him home and put him to bed he woke up with Josh naked and smelling like sex and wrapped around him. They didn't talk about it the next day; whatever happened when they were both too drunk to care about appearances was something they Didn't Discuss. He always remembered it in a blur of skin and heat and almost overwhelming pleasure, but he knew the first time he brought it up that it would never happen again.

Only Josh wasn't helping him up and whispering close enough to Cooper's ear to send shivers down his spine that it was time to go, time to call it a night and go home and close the door and pretend just for a little while that they weren't just friends. Or maybe they just spent most of their time pretending that they were just friends, he wasn't sure anymore. He wasn't sure of anything except that he only got this drunk for one reason, and that reason had obviously found something better to do.

Prodding, and he tried to shake it off, squeezing his eyes shut against the buzzing in his ears as white hot danced in his vision. The buzzing got a little louder and he felt something closing around his arm, struggling against the weight holding his eyes closed so he could watch Josh pull him to his feet. He opened his mouth to say something, Josh's name or a murmured encouragement or maybe even just to ask if they could please go home now. When he tried to talk his throat felt thick, like he'd swallowed cotton or spent the night screaming over rock music. Finally he gave up and closed his eyes again, shutting out the bright reds and yellows at the edges of his vision.

Cool rush of air, and even his eyelashes fluttered against the sensation. Sudden flash of being in a commercial for perfume or some mint-flavored gum and he laughed, soundlessly and even then it hurt to go through the motions. Hands moving on him and he fought against his eyelids some more, wanting to at least see Josh while his clothes were peeled away and he was lifted onto the bed. Only Josh wasn't strong enough to lift him that easily, and Cooper didn't remember them leaving the club.

He wondered vaguely if he should panic, maybe make some kind of effort to see who was touching him and pushing his shirt open. Something cold and smooth slid over his chest, then he was being lifted lifted lifted and abrupt halt as something softer than floor pressed against his back. Maybe he was flying - maybe he'd learned how and he didn't even know. Either way he was moving, he could feel the rush of warm air crawling over his skin and his stomach rolled as his temperature spiked again. Vague, far-away voices and more lifting and then it was cool again and quiet and the light behind his eyes faded to black.

~

The next thing Cooper knows is far-away, monotonous electronic beeps and the end of his nose itching. He reaches up to scratch his nose and finds that his hand is attached to something pliable, and he blinks into consciousness long enough to register the IV in his hand and the crisp white sheet pulled halfway up his chest. His eyes roll back again as he takes stock of the situation - hospital, that much is obvious from the needle in his hand and the sound of some kind of monitor tracking his bodily functions.

How he got to the hospital - that's another question altogether. The last thing he remembers is Josh asking him if he wanted to go to a new club in town, that look in his dark eyes that lets Cooper know how the night will end. Meaning Josh is asking him out, like a date only they never call it that because that would be too much, too committed and they're just friends. Just friends, that's what he tells himself every time Josh wakes up next to him and can't get out of bed fast enough. Kind of like Josh is using him for sex, but when it's happening that isn't how it feels. And how weird was it that Josh would use him for anything? He's the one that usually uses people, Josh is the nice guy with Values and Morals and A Bright Future. Cooper's the fuck-up, the one that never takes anything seriously and wouldn't know a good thing if it batted long eyelashes and asked him to fuck it through the cheap mattress in their dorm room.

At first it had kind of been a novelty, a challenge maybe to see how far he could push his roommate. And he knows exactly how far he can push Josh now, right over the edge and beyond and then back again as long as he gets Josh drunk enough first. So maybe he is the one taking advantage after all, because he's pretty sure in his drunken haze that he was the one that made the first move all those months ago. Only Josh is the one that sets up every night they go out together, and Josh is the one that makes it clear exactly what's going to happen when they get home without ever ever ever saying the words out loud.

Just. Don't. Say. It. That's the rule, like if they just don't say it then it doesn't count against Josh when he gets to heaven.

Image of Josh with angel wings, and it makes him smile because Josh would look good in pretty much anything as far as he's concerned but he can definitely work with feathers. Can work with a lot of things, actually, because he's a flexible guy and most of the time he's more than happy to
just go with the flow. Only he's never had a hospital fetish, which brings him back to the question of what he's doing here in the first place. And as far as he can tell completely alone, which is wrong on so very many levels because it's Josh's job to take care of him. Another thing they don't talk about, only that suits him fine because he's pretty sure if he brought it up Josh would catch on and stop taking care of him.

Anyway he doesn't have to worry about heaven. He might not even believe in it, he's never really wasted a lot of thought on it before but when Josh walked into his life he started thinking about a lot of things he'd never thought about before. Or maybe he crash landed in Josh's life, that seems like a more appropriate description and it could explain why he's in a hospital room alone instead of waking up with Josh the way he's supposed to. And how weird is it that he feels like he's been cheated out of something even though he doesn't know what's wrong with him yet?

Serendipity's on his side because the door swings open and someone he doesn't recognize walks in, young and dark and he might have tried to charm her once but now she's dismissed as fast as it takes to register that she's not Josh. NotJosh is a big theme in his life lately, and all it really amounts to is a lot of nights alone in his bed. Of course he has the sound of Josh's breathing to keep him company, because Josh stopped sleeping with Rachel a long time ago and he isn't sure what to think about that. Tried to bring it up once even but they got too close to The Conversation and he backed off before he said anything he couldn't take back.

Which is weird all on its own because he's not used to not saying whatever's on his mind, but then again he's never had to worry about losing something before. Strike that - he's never had anything to lose, that's more to the point and where Josh is concerned even the little bit he does have is too much to lose. NotJosh is moving around the bed, checking monitors and writing things down on what he guesses from watching 'ER' is his chart.

And the teachers in high school used to try to convince them that TV wasn't educational.

Mouth open, lips moving but no sound, which is weird because he knows he's forming words in some language. So either he can't talk or he can't hear, but the beeping is still annoying right in his ear so it must be his voice. And maybe if he had some water he could get his voice to work, but that's a Josh thing too and there's still no sign of him and where the hell is he, anyway?

Feminine voice asking him how he feels and he thinks he's moving his head back and forth a little, then something wet against his lips and burning his throat on the way down and he didn't know water could do that. Swallowing hurts even worse but when he tests his voice again he almost gets some English out. Almost.

'Your throat hurts because they pumped your stomach last night' and the voice sounds like it's at the end of a long, long tunnel but when he blinks his eyes open it's the same girl that's been in the room for a few minutes now. More words he doesn't hear because he's too busy wondering *why* he had his stomach pumped, because all he remembers drinking is a beer or two and anyway he doesn't do those kinds of drugs anymore. Hardly does any drugs at all, especially if Josh is around because he doesn't like The Look and he knows how fast he'll get it if Josh catches him. Josh, who doesn't like drugs much and pretty much doesn't like anything about Cooper's life but he likes Josh enough to change whatever he has to.

It should scare him, but it doesn't and he can't say why except to say that it's Josh, which should be explanation enough for anyone that's ever actually seen them together. At least it seems like enough when he thinks about it at night while he can't sleep and he's listening to the sound of
Josh breathing on the other side of their room. And he can't remember now why he stopped himself all those times from just crawling into Josh's bed - Josh's bed that feels more like home than his own and Josh's body that fits his perfectly and when they move together at night in a haze of sweat and alcohol he's almost sure that Josh loves him back.

If he could just remember what happened at the club some of this might make sense, how he got here and what he took and this was definitely the worst trip he's ever had because he can't even remember the good part. Unless there wasn't a good part - maybe all there was was the spinning and then the hot/cold of floor against his skin and people moving away and away and away.and suddenly he remembers falling, moves his head too fast and feels the tender spot at the back where it hit the floor on the way down. Josh somewhere in front of him, moving through the crowd and Cooper's following but the colors are moving in slow motion and when the room starts to spin Josh isn't in front of him anymore.

That's all he remembers before waking up with a raw throat and a tube attached to his hand wearing someone else's clothes and it's too damn quiet and shouldn't his father at least be here? Not that he wants to hear a lecture on responsibility but somebody should be here if he almost died. Gravity brings that thought crashing down hard on his chest and it takes effort to breathe, in and out and in and out until he can do it without focusing so hard again. Because maybe he doesn't care about much but that doesn't mean he ever thought about checking out, at least not until he finally gets around to asking Josh the question that was just on the tip of his tongue a minute ago.