Title: Nesting

Author: Sarah Saint Ives

Email Address: ssaintives@yahoo.com

Archive: Yes, just let me know where, please.

Category: Mpreg, first times, drama, WiP

Summary: Jesse volunteers to help with a fertility experiment.

Warnings: M/M (eventually), mention of sexual inability. Sci-fi theme. I think that’s all.

Author's Notes: I plan to post a chapter every couple of days. Most of the story is already finished, just needs some severe tweaking. I anticipate 7 chapters.

*******************
Nesting
by Sarah Saint Ives
*******************

Monday, June. 4, 2001

The unidentified body had been found behind a dumpster four blocks from Community General Hospital. Dr. Amanda Bentley spoke into her recorder as she performed the autopsy. "Female, Caucasian, age approximately twenty three, five feet one, a hundred pounds, multiple contusions to the pelvic area, evidence of a recent miscarriage or abortion." Her latex glove touched the right ankle. "Strap marks on both legs, indicating she was restrained, which means the child was probably aborted. If I’m right, I’ll find a needle mark on her lower back..." Rolling the body on its side, she found the mark. "There it is. She had a spinal block, which is why the ankles were strapped. A spinal block causes temporary paralysis to the lower body." Knowing others would listen to the tape, she explained, "A spinal leaves the pelvis and legs completely numb for several
hours, which would eliminate the need for an anesthesiologist. This is indicative of an illegal abortion, like the ones that were performed in underground clinics when abortions were against the law. But they’re not any more, so this doesn’t make sense."

The laboratory results were still pending. Whether it was murder or accidental death was a mystery, but this was the second young woman in the past week who had been brought to her with the same symptoms. Both women were white, blonde, fair-skinned, very pretty, petite and had recently undergone abortion procedures. It was puzzling. As her lovely brow drew in thought, the phone took her away from the victim. She went to answer it, happy to hear her young son’s voice. "Hi, Mom! Can I go to the park with Josh and his mom? I won’t be bad, I promise!"

"Sure, CJ, just let me talk to Josh’s mom first, okay? Is she there?"

Her son was the bright spot in her life--in fact, she couldn’t imagine life without him. In her work as chief medical examiner at Community General Hospital, she had found herself caught up in more than a few horrifying murder cases and countless needless deaths. She shielded her son from as much of the gore as possible, and took comfort in his company when she finally made it home each day.

********

"He’s a brilliant doctor." Dr. Mark Sloan was saying as Steve entered the office. "His work with invitro fertilization is incredible. He’s helped a lot of childless couples conceive and deliver normal, healthy babies."

"So, what do you think? Should I go through with it?" Dr. Jesse Travis asked. The younger doctor looked up to Mark as a mentor, even as a father figure.

"That’s up to you, Jesse. It’s your body."

Steve glanced curiously at his father, then his best friend. "What’s up?" he asked. "What about his body? You thinking about giving someone a kidney, Jess?"

Jesse looked down, then met his eyes a little shyly. Steve mused that it was an engaging flaw in his character to be occasionally reticent. Although Jesse Travis was gifted with an impressive IQ and an insatiable curiosity, he was laden with personal insecurities, which, to Steve, made him even more adorable. "Dr. Homer Penrose. He asked me to be a guinea pig for an experiment."

"Well, tell me about it." Steve said. "Judging by the looks on both your faces, if you asked me right now, I’d say the answer is not just ‘no’, but ‘*hell*, no’! What does he want to do to you?"

There was a long pause, then Jesse said, "Make me pregnant."

Steve stared at him, trying to keep a straight face. "Jesse, I don’t know how to break this to you, but..."

"No, really, he can do it! You remember that movie back in the early nineties, ‘Junior’, with Arnold-what’s-his-name, you know, the big guy? Well, the script for that movie was inspired by Penrose’s studies! According to Dr. Penrose, it really is possible for a man to carry a child to term. He’s been studying this for twenty years and he picked me to be his very first actual human experiment!"

Steve sat down on the corner of the desk, frowning. "Why did he pick you, Jesse?"

Jesse shrugged one shoulder in humiliation. "I dunno."

"Maybe you should ask."

"He used the term ‘pioneer in science’."

"You’re doing it for the glory? So you’ll get your name in a textbook?"

Mark intervened before feelings got hurt. "I think he’s doing it because, like everyone else who has ever studied science, it’s a revolutionary learning experience."

Steve scowled at his father. "Would you have allowed *your* body to be used for this?"

"Well, no. Steve, I’m in my seventies!"

"Would you have done it forty years ago?"

Mark was subdued. "No." he answered. "I had a wife and children."

Steve reached to pat his back. "I’m glad we were more important to you than science." His eyes moved to the young doctor. "Are you sure about this, Jess?"

"I want to do it." Jesse’s voice trembled.

"Penrose swears it can be done safely and he’s willing to prove it with Jesse’s cooperation." Mark confirmed.

"Okay, I’ll take your word for it." Steve was a Los Angeles police detective who had been assured a July promotion from lieutenant to captain. Very good at his job, he had a natural inclination for not believing everything he heard. "But then what? You carry a child nine months, then how does it get born? You don’t have the right organs...the right *birthing orifice* to..."

"Cesarean section, of course." Mark supplied. "One out of ten women can’t give birth naturally. It’s not an uncommon surgery. I don’t see any reason why it wouldn’t be successful."

"So you’re encouraging him."

"I’m not *discouraging* him. It’s his choice." Mark’s tone bordered on indignant.

Steve knew not to provoke his father’s sense of morality. "So Jesse’s going to be the mother."

"Yes, in a manner of speaking. He seems willing to contribute nine months of his life to science."

"Nine months." Steve drummed his fingers on the desktop. "What about the kid?"

Jesse looked down at his trembling hands. "I take it you don’t approve of me doing this."

"Jesse! If you have a baby, what about *it*? Diapers, bottles, two-AM feedings, terrible twos, school, school and more school, teen-age years..."

Jesse’s lower lip quavered. "I *hope* I’ll get to keep it."

"If you’re serious about this, I hope so, too. I hope you wouldn’t carry a baby nine months and then give it away." Steve said.

"No, I couldn’t."

"So, if you’re the mother, who’s the father gonna be?"

Jesse blushed. "The embryo will be from donors, I suppose."

"*You* can’t have a sperm cell in there somewhere? You *are* going to be the mother, right? Doesn’t Penrose realize how smart you are? That Jesse Travis genius wouldn’t be a bad gene to hand down if you’re really going to go through with this."

Jesse nodded, thinking.

"We’re just on our way to see him now." Mark said, looking at his watch. "Do you want to go with us, son?"

Steve nodded. "I think that might be a good idea. I’ve got a question or two for him."

"Steve, Dr. Penrose is an absolutely brilliant scientist. He’s figured out things about fertility that most doctors are still drawing sketches of as vague possibilities. A lot of his patients swear he’s got a ‘magic’ touch."

"Well, his touch had *better* be magic if he’s going to lay one hand on Jesse." Steve muttered.

The quiet statement got Jesse’s attention. Studying his tall friend as they walked together along the hospital halls, he said, "Thanks for caring, Steve."

*****

Dr. Penrose looked to be in his mid-forties, very tall and handsome. His eyes were piercing blue, his body was muscular. Steve had heard unfavorable gossip about him on countless occasions, but knew him only well enough to know he was contemptuous and far too vain. In his opinion, the man may well have been a genius who had made remarkable scientific discoveries, but his eccentricities and hostile attitude seemed somehow to cancel out the good points.

Steve sat down to listen as the doctor began explaining his experimental procedure to his potential subject. Jesse and Mark sat listening, raptly attentive.

"The zygote will be introduced into a synthetic womb and implanted into your body." Penrose said, showing them an illustration on a chart. He pointed to the drawing and went on as if giving a lecture. "The womb is made of flexible, expandable plastic and will produce ambient, oxygenated fluid exactly as if natural reproduction had occurred. A few minor alterations will be made inside your body during the implantation so the baby will be supplied the proper nutrients from you. Essentially, your plastic womb will function as if you were born with one. The baby can grow to full term inside you. We’ll keep a very close watch on you during the gestation period, examinations every two weeks, and when it’s ready, I’ll perform the surgery to take out the womb complete with baby and restore your body to its present form."

"What kind of alterations are you talking about?" Jesse asked.

"Very minor ones."

"He would like an answer to the question, Penrose." Steve said, not so nicely.

Penrose was irked by the policeman’s presence. "He will be unable to perform sexually with a woman during the pregnancy." he directed the statement at Steve. "It’s necessary for the sake of the baby."

Steve waited for Jesse’s reaction and was annoyed that it was nothing more than a brief twitch of the lips.

Jesse glanced at Steve and remembered his most important question. "What happens after the baby’s born?"

"I’ll reattach your male elements and you’ll heal. I can’t foresee any problems. You will have proven to science that a man can carry a child to term and you won’t be any worse for wear."

"But...do I get to keep the baby?"

Penrose shrugged as if it were an insignificant detail. "We’ll figure out what to do with the baby when it’s born."

Jesse fidgeted in discomfort. "No."

Stern eyes turned on him. "You’ve changed your mind about doing this for me?"

"No, I just want to keep the baby. Otherwise, I don’t want to do it."

"I see." Penrose gave him an icy glare. "Any other stipulations, Jesse?"

Steve hated the way the man vocalized his friend’s name. He gritted his teeth to hold his tongue.

"I just want to know who is going to donate the egg and sperm." Jesse said.

"I’ve taken the liberty of preparing zygotes. They’re already at twelve weeks in an artificial womb in my laboratory."

Jesse was aghast. "Three months along already without a human host? How many do you have?"

"Four at this time, but we’ll only need one in this project. The others can be used in surrogate females. The eggs were donated by two of my most beautiful, intelligent medical students. Blue eyes, blonde hair, all the choicest Caucasian traits. I’m the sperm donor."

"I’m not responding to the ‘Hitler’ ideals there," Steve said coldly, unable to contain his criticism any longer. "But what this boils down to is that you plan to make Jesse have *your* baby."

"My offspring will have superior genes. The child will be intelligent, talented and good looking, and even if you think it’s ‘Hitlerish’, Lieutenant, yes, it will be born with blonde hair, blue eyes, emotionally, mentally and physically superior."

"Well, one thing about him." Steve said, rolling his eyes toward Mark. "He’s not lacking in self-confidence."

Ignoring him, Penrose turned to Jesse. "If you intend to keep the child, you’ll be taking on a huge responsibility. You’re single, aren’t you? Do you realize how much trouble children can be, especially children of superior intelligence?"

"Oh, yes. I’ve taken care of kids before." Jesse said, unfazed by the man’s arrogance.

"And you believe you’re ready for that kind of commitment?"

"If I have the baby, I want to keep it. Yes."

"Well, it’ll be your choice, but I do not recommend it." Penrose turned away from him. "So, are you still interested in the experiment?"

Jesse took a long breath, searched Mark’s pensive face, then Steve’s forbidding eyes for an answer. He sighed and spoke to the tall doctor’s back. "Yes. I want to do it."

Steve groaned, got up and walked out the door.

Chapter 2

Thursday, July 5, 2001

Sipping coffee in the cafeteria, Mark Sloan was hunched over a newspaper when Steve plopped down in a chair beside him. "Hi, Dad. Sure is a hot day."

"Oh, hi, Steve. Is everything okay?" Mark asked. He peered over the top of his eyeglasses, taking note that his handsome son was dressed in full police regalia, complete with many medals in a straight line across the upper left side of his chest, a new captain’s rank emblem pinned to the collar. The hat was tucked beneath his arm in compliance with military/constabulary regulations. Every soldier knew the rule from boot camp and every cop from academy training, and Steve had excelled in both worlds. *Hats are to be removed when entering any building.*

"You got your promotion! Oh, Steve, I’m so proud of you!" Mark reached to hug him, careful not to wrinkle the jacket. "I wish I could have been there!"

Steve’s arms closed around the older man. "Thanks, Dad. Me, too. It got a little hot because they insisted on an official ceremony outside on the podium. Fifteen awards and three promotions. This monkey suit got a little warm."

As Mark pulled back, his trained eyes scanned his son’s face. He wrinkled his nose at the exhale of breath. "Did you have something to drink?"

"I had a couple." Steve said. "Even better, I got an extra little reward for being promoted to captain! I’m off for a four-day weekend! I plan to spend most of my time sleeping."

"A four-day weekend! Wow! That doesn’t happen very often."

"No, it sure doesn’t." Steve released him and glanced around. "Where’s Jesse?"

"He’s in the doctor’s lounge taking a nap. He’s been feeling pretty rough."

"Morning sickness?" It still sounded absurd.

"Yes, and noon, and evening, and all night. He can’t hold anything down for more than a
few minutes."

"Poor Jesse." Steve sighed. "When is *his* day off?"

"He’s got today off, and the weekend, too, ordered by me! In fact, if you want to..."

"I could take him home with me and take care of him?"

"That’s a good idea, Steve. Maybe you could get him to drink some milk or juice. The two of you could watch a movie or go for a walk on the beach. What do you think? He could really use a friend right now."

"I think that’s a great idea. I’ll go get him." Steve got up and walked toward the door.

"Steve..."

The tall detective turned to face his father. "Don’t criticize him for doing this."

"I won’t, Dad." Saluting him, Steve went out the door.

Amanda slid into the chair next to Mark as the captain left. "My, he looks handsome." she commented.

"Yes, he does." Mark agreed, smiling graciously after him. "*Very* handsome."

Even with the age difference, she could relate. She was her own young son’s greatest fan. "I got the DNA results on those two abortion murder cases from June and I received confirmation on the girls’ identities. Their names were Shelly King and Maria Robinson. Mark, they were both pregnant by the same man."

She paused to let her words take effect, and when she saw the interest in her friend’s eyes, she went on. "They were both approximately three months pregnant. Both did volunteer work for a local ‘Pro Life’ organization, which has to do with the Catholic church! They were from very devout families. Mark, have you ever met a good Catholic girl who would have an illegal abortion?"

"No..." he answered, deep in thought. "No, I haven’t. Especially not when they’re pro-life activists."

"Exactly." She gave him a triumphant nod. "So, what do you make of all this?"

"I’m afraid to say it out loud." he said grimly.

"You’re not going to say anything to Steve?"

"Amanda, in all my years as a doctor and as a police observer, I’ve never deliberately withheld evidence that could lead to the arrest and conviction of a murderer. Do you think I’m going to start now?"

"The situation is all different now. I know what you’re thinking, and I agree with you. Jesse is fragile enough right now without adding this little piece of horror to his misery. The only doctor who knows how to reverse the operation to restore his body to right after the baby is born is Penrose. If you blow the whistle on him before then, Jesse could permanently lose his masculinity, maybe even his life. Mark, I don’t want to lose him."

"I know, Amanda. Jesse’s like my own son. All this evidence sure makes Penrose look guilty, doesn’t it?" Mark sighed loudly. "What to do, what to do..."

"We keep our mouths shut." she advised.

He closed his eyes and nodded. "You’re right. But only until after the baby is born."

"Mark, we’re withholding evidence, which is punishable by up to five years in prison."

"Yeah." he said, the grimness returning . "I know."

*******

Steve found Jesse sleeping on a leather settee in the doctor’s lounge and stooped beside him. Brushing his cheek with his fingertips, he murmured, "Hey, sleepyhead."

Jesse stirred reluctantly, then opened one eye to look at him. He smiled, his ever-effervescent voice strained by a wide yawn. "Hi, Steve. You look good! Love the uniform!"

"Thanks. You ready to go home?"

"No, that’s okay. I’m comfortable right here." Jesse curled up with the obvious intentions of going back to sleep, but Steve took him by the arms and pulled him to his feet. The young doctor looked up at his friend in surprise.

"I’m taking you home." Steve said firmly. Noting he was in his scrubs, he led him toward the door. "Where are your clothes?"

"In my locker." Jesse smothered a second yawn before he resorted to whining. "Steve, why do I have to go home? I’m happy here."

"We’re going to *my* home, not yours. Don’t worry, Jess, I’m not going to leave you alone."

"Oh. Okay." Jesse looked relieved and embarrassed at the same time. "I’ll go get my stuff."

"I’ll come with you." Steve said, and followed him to locker room.

*******

Thirty minutes later, they pulled into the driveway of the beach house Steve shared with his father. As they entered the house, Jesse, deathly pale, bolted for the bathroom. Steve winced at the sounds of retching. He moved to the bathroom door, which was ajar, and peeped in as his friend washed his face in the basin. "So, you still think this being pregnant thing is a nifty idea?" he asked.

"No! I hate being sick." Jesse answered.

"I wish you would have thought about it a little longer before you agreed to do it." Steve said, carefully rubbing his back.

"Please don’t say ‘I told you so’." Jesse rinsed out his mouth, then grabbed the basin. "Can I lie down? I’m so dizzy."

Steve put an arm around him for support and led him back to the living room. Putting him on the couch, he perched on the edge and studied his face. "You don’t look good at all."

"Gee, thanks, Steve."

"You want something to drink?"

"If you give me something to drink, you’d better have a bucket ready. That’s the way it works. Until this trimester is over, that’s what I have to look forward to."

"You have to drink or you’ll dehydrate. Water is good for you, but milk would be better. You need the nutrition."

"No, I think the *baby* needs the nutrition."

"So do you. Jesse, you’re a doctor. You know I’m right." Steve said. "But I’ll give you some slack. You’re sleepy, so take a nap, okay?" He ran concerned fingers through his friend’s thick blonde hair. "Go to sleep."

Jesse closed his eyes. "Okay, thanks. G’night." He reached for Steve’s hand and held it as he assumed a more restful pose. "Sleepy."

Steve did not pull his hand away. He remained there, holding the soft, talented hand until his pregnant male friend had fallen asleep.

*******

Mark’s arrival was what brought him to his feet. Steve cautioned him to be quiet, gesturing toward their slumbering guest. The two Sloans tiptoed into the kitchen to talk.

"I see you’re still in dress uniform. You haven’t had a chance to change, yet?"

"I was holding Jesse’s hand." Steve answered, knowing he would take it metaphorically.

"He sure needs that right now. You’re a good man, son."

"He was already thin, Dad--now you can count every rib through his shirt! He’s throwing up, he’s probably dehydrated, he’s pale as a ghost and he’s *pregnant*! How much longer is this going to go on?"

"Usually lasts about nine months, Steve."

"Very funny. I mean the sickness."

"The nausea could end in a month, but then again, it may not. Your mother was sick the entire nine months she was pregnant with you. Technically, because Jesse’s fetus was at twelve weeks before it was implanted, it’s in the second trimester, but Jesse has only carried it for a month, so his body is still reacting as if it were an early pregnancy."

Steve leaned against the counter and gazed off into the mid-distance. "You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking a lot about kids."

"*You*, Steve? You want kids?"

"I love kids. I always have. It would be great to have a little one around, don’t you think?"

"Yeah, it would. I think if Jesse’s baby is around us a lot, he or she is going to be one *very* spoiled child."

"Yeah, what’s wrong with that? Nothing wrong with a little spoiling, is there?" Steve
grinned at him.

"Of course not. Spoiling is mandatory." Mark assured him. "Steve, do you think we could talk him into moving in here with us?"

"Would you mind?"

"Not at all, but you need to be very careful how you handle this situation." Mark warned. "He’s fragile now. I’ve even seen him get teary a couple of times. It’s not pretty."

"He needs us now."

"Yes, but you have to be careful what you say to him. Sometimes, pregnant women go through a phase of hormonal imbalance that throws their emotions to extremes. They’re either crying or they’re jubilant. Your mom called it a ‘rollercoaster’. I don’t know what it’ll do to Jesse, yet, but I’m sure he’ll be no different. Just be ready if he takes things wrong."

"What could he possibly take wrong?"

"I don’t know. It’s impossible to predict ‘gestational paranoia’. He might think we’re trying to take the baby away from him if we ask him to move in with us."

"He couldn’t be that pathetic! Dad, he’s a grown-up! I know he doesn’t always *act* like one, but he’s got good sense!"

"You can’t always count on that."

Steve shrugged in surrender. "Okay. I’ll be careful what I say."

"If he says something unreasonable, try to keep in mind what I just told you."

"Okay."

"Believe me, Steve. I’ve been through it all. Your mom was a bear when she was pregnant. I couldn’t open my mouth without her either crying or throwing things at me! Those were the absolute worst eighteen months of my life!"

"I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t know Carol and I had such an adverse effect on Mom."

"And me!" Mark laughed affectionately and patted his shoulder. "Believe me, you were worth it."

"I hope."

"You know I love you, Steve."

"I love you, too, Dad."

*******

Friday, July 6, 2001

As Jesse came from the bathroom, still weak from a case of the dry heaves, Mark guided him to the dining room table. "Time for breakfast, young man." he said firmly.

"I can’t eat, Mark." Jesse protested. "It’ll come right back up. You obviously don’t know how sick I am!"

"You can’t stop eating just because you have morning sickness." Mark pushed him into a chair and set a bowl, a box of cereal and milk in front of him. "Rice Crispies are great for the first trimester."

Jesse groaned, but poured the cereal.

Steve entered the house from the deck, his hair windblown, his shirt unbuttoned. "Jesse, you should bring your breakfast out here. It’s a beautiful day."

Mark smiled conspiratorially at his son. "That’s a great idea!"

Having poured milk over his crackling cereal, Jesse stumbled toward the sliding glass doors to join Steve on the deck. "It’ll probably be easier to clean up puke off the deck, anyway." he muttered.

Mark slid the door closed and left them alone on the deck.

"Where’s he going? I thought he would join us." Jesse said as he sat down. He dipped a bug from his cereal and pitched it into the nearby bushes.

"He’s going to work. He had breakfast an hour ago." Steve scooted his chair closer to his friend’s in preparation for their discussion. He watched Jesse take a bite before he began. "Dad and I were talking this morning, and we both think it would be a good idea for you to move in here with us until after the baby is born."

Jesse’s blue eyes rose to meet his gaze. "Move in here? You mean, like *live* here? What about my apartment?"

"That’s up to you, but since you’re renting, it’s not such a problem, is it? We’ve got plenty of room for all your stuff, and if you choose to stay after the baby is born, there’ll be room for him...or her, too. It’s a big house."

Suspicion narrowed the doctor’s eyes for an instant, then a glint of tears made him look down. "Thank you for your concern, Steve, but no thank you. I’m fine on my own."

"Jesse, you can’t dismiss the idea without at least some consideration! Dad and I care about you! We want to be here for you!"

"Steve, I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. But I’m grateful that you care about me. That means a lot to me."

"Jesse..."

Jesse took another bite, shaking his head. "No." he said with his mouth full.

"Will you at least think about it?"

Jesse put down his spoon. "I’ll think about it." he answered. "And I’ll tell you no again later. Why would you want *me* to move in here with you? It doesn’t make sense, Steve! I’m not part of your family. I’m just a friend, an employee, a partner in BBQ Bobs! Your lives would be overrun by me and my problems, and pretty soon you would be sorry you asked me to move in! So the answer is no, but thank you very much for asking. I appreciate your thoughtfulness."

"Jess, you *are* family! Think about this, okay?"

"No." Jesse persisted. Seeing the cop’s crestfallen face, he patted his arm. "Please, I don’t want to talk about it any more."

Frustrated, Steve smacked the tabletop. "Damn it, Jesse!"

"I’ll spend the night."

"Spend it with me."

"You want to go camping or something?"

"If that’s what you want to do. Or we could just hang out on the couch and watch TV."

"That sounds like a perfect weekend."

Chapter 3

Monday, August 20, 2001

"What did you find out?" Amanda Bentley sat in the booth across from Mark at the corner cafe and took a sip of the latte he had ordered for her prior to her arrival.

"I don’t think we’re going to find anybody as talented in his field, Amanda. Nobody else even comes close."

"You checked overseas, too, right?"

"Yes, England, Germany, Scotland, Switzerland, Tokyo, all the best fertility clinics in the world. I’ve called them all. Their fertility specialists only laugh when I mention Penrose’s male pregnancy study."

"What are we going to do?" Her pretty face was stressed. "The baby’s due in December, right?"

"Yes, December. Penrose hasn’t made up his mind exactly what day he’ll do the c-section but I suspect it’ll be around the tenth. If he waits til the thirteen, the baby and I will share a birthday! I was really hoping that we could find another doctor who could do the surgery and reverse those alterations of Jesse’s reproductive system Penrose did during the implantation of the womb. If Penrose is guilty of murdering those two young women, he should go to prison! He’s a dangerous man."

"Jesse’s life depends on a murderer. Penrose may be planning to kill *him* when the baby is born!"

"That’s possible. I *have* to find another surgeon. The longer we wait before we say anything, the more danger we put Jesse in and the more chances are of Penrose getting away with murder."

"And the more chances for us rotting in jail." Amanda suspired.

"I’m at a loss, Amanda. I still don’t know what to do."

"For the moment. we can’t do anything except just smile and give Jesse baby clothes." Amanda said. "Which I know you’ve already started buying. I saw you with that cartload of stuff at BabyLand."

"You did?" He looked rattled.

She laughed, reached across the table and patted his hand. "Don’t worry. You’re not the only one. Steve went shopping, too, and so did I."

"Oh, good." He took a sip of his creamy latte and came up with whipped cream on his nose. "Now I don’t feel so much like a sentimental old man."

*******

"What’s the matter, Jesse?" Steve Sloan reached across to buckle his friend’s seat belt, finding he had to let it out a bit before it would fit. "You’re not gonna throw up, are you?"

"No, I haven’t done that in a couple of days. I’m just thinking."

"About what?"

"About the fact that the baby was already three months along before she was implanted in my body."

"*She*?" Steve grinned broadly. "It’s a she?"

"Yes, I’ll show you the sonogram later. She’s developing normally. According to Penrose, I’m twenty three weeks along."

"But you’ve only been *pregnant* for how long?"

"Since June sixth. Almost ten weeks."

"So, what’s the problem Jess?"

"The problem is that I’ve been thinking about it a lot and it’s scary. I’ve had a lot of bad dreams lately. I’m carrying a child inside me who was developed completely unnaturally by a man who acts like she doesn’t matter at all. She was *built*--almost like a machine. He’s the biological father. What if she’s like him...some sort of heartless, wicked genius who was designed specifically to commit murder?"

"Oh, Jesse, you’ve been watching the SciFi channel again." Steve patted his hand. "Don’t worry. She’s going to be a little angel, just like her mom."

The doctor blushed. "Well, technically I *am* the mom, but after she’s born, just for the sake of things not sounding so --weird-- I think I’m gonna teach her to call me ‘dad’. The truth is--I don’t know if I can do this or not, Steve."

"I think it’s a little late to change your mind now."

"I know. I’m just panicking."

Steve leaned over and took him in his arms. "She’s going to be perfect, Jesse, and I promise you she’s not going to be born a murderer."

Jesse clung a few minutes, then drew back to wipe his eyes. "I’m sorry. Please don’t tell Mark about this or he’ll have me going to more of those pre-natal emotional therapy classes."

"I won’t tell him." Steve promised, fondly playing with his hair.

"I mean, just because Penrose is the sperm-donor, and he’s a genius who develops fetuses in a plastic case doesn’t mean anything. Just because I have no idea what the egg donor was like, and the baby began life in that giant vat of artificial brew he’s got bubbling in his laboratory...the one I never got invited to see..."

"Jesse, stop it or I’m going to ask Dad to prescribe you something."

"I’ll be happy when she’s born so I can see her. I’ll feel better when I know she only has one head."

"You didn’t see two heads on the sonogram, did you? She’s going to be perfect in every way, Jesse." Placing his hands on either side of his friend’s face, he forced calming eye contact. "She’s going to be beautiful and smart just like you. She’ll have your big blue eyes, your cute little nose, your sweet personality and your radiant smile. It doesn’t matter who the biological parents are, Jess. She’s yours, and she’ll be the way you raise her."

Jesse laid a hand on his chest. "I’m so glad you’re here with me, Steve. What would I do without you?"

"You’ll never know because I’ll be here forever, my love." After placing a soft kiss on the younger man’s button nose, Steve started the car and drove toward Jesse’s apartment. Conversationally, he asked, "Would you feel safer if your own sperm cells had been used to fertilize the egg?"

"Nothing makes me feel very safe except being this close to you." Jesse was still attached to his arm.

"What if Penrose had been able to convert your sperm cell to a functioning egg and fertilize it with male sperm? What if he had used--*my* sperm? Then would you feel better about the baby?"

"If that were possible, you’re talking about the ultimately perfect baby, Steve. I wish to God it was your baby instead of his."

Steve squeezed his hand as he steered round a corner. "Me, too, Jess. I would dearly love to be the father. I hope you’ll let me take part in her life. Nothing would make me happier."

"What are you talking about? Of course you’re going to be a *big* part in her life."

"And in yours?"

"You’re already in mine, Steve. Big time."

"You ready to move in with Dad and me, yet?"

"No. I can’t do that. I have to hang onto some semblance of my independence. Why can’t you understand that?"

"Because I want you where I can take care of you and protect you."

"You already do that, and I’m grateful. You want to protect the world, Steve."

"I just want to protect the ones I love."

Jesse smiled at him. "You’re such a lovable guy, you and Mark both. I’ll never know how I got lucky enough to have the two of you taking care of me the way you do."

"I’ll never know how *I* got so lucky." Steve said, adding a caress across the pregnant man’s slightly rounded belly. "I really want you to come stay with us, Jess."

Jesse took the hand on his stomach and moved it lower to a tight bulge just beneath the navel. A sudden twitch made them both laugh. "She says we’ll think about it."

Steve kept the hand on the spot hoping to feel more movement, but the child inside was sleeping. Gazing intimately at his passenger, he murmured, "You don’t have to do this alone, Jess. I want to help."

"You are helping. You’re the best friend I have in the world, Steve."

"You don’t understand. I want us to raise her together. I want us to be a family."

Jesse stifled a sob and was taken immediately into another comforting embrace. "Steve, you’re doing this to me on purpose."

Steve pulled to the shoulder of the road and turned his full attention on his friend. "I love you, Jesse. I’m just trying to let you know how I feel about you. I want us to be together."

Jesse lifted his face to gaze at him, no longer ashamed of his brimming eyes. "Are you saying what I think you’re saying?"

Hestitantly, Steve kissed his lips. "Yeah. That’s what I’m saying."

Jesse pursued the kiss and demanded another one. "Steve, you have to know that I’ve loved you for a long, long time. Are you just doing this because you figured that out and now I’m going to have a baby, you feel obligated?"

"No, Jesse, I’m not doing it because of the baby." He kissed him again. "I want you. I wanted you *before* you got pregnant. I think I wanted you the very first time you smiled at me."

"Oh." Jesse looked up at him in anticipation. Touched, he murmured, "What are you doing tonight?"

"Whatever you want." Steve said, taking his hand and kissing it.

"Spend the night at my place."

"Doing what?"

Jesse blushed. "I don’t think I’m up for a night of wild, passionate sex, but we can do *something*, and then we can hold each other. We can be together."

"That sounds good to me." Steve pressed another kiss into the soft palm. Anxious to get to the apartment, he tucked Jesse under his arm and drove.

*******

They sat cuddled together on Jesse’s couch. The TV was on, but neither of them could have cared less about the show. Their eyes were on each other.

"You’re beautiful." Steve whispered reverently as he lifted Jesse’s shirt to reveal his bare chest. "So beautiful." After another long, sweet kiss, he bent to kiss a nipple, delighted when it hardened beneath his lips. Sucking it into his mouth, he teased it with his tongue.

Jesse squirmed. "That tickles." he said, but pulled him closer. "Don’t stop."

"Are they tender?"

"My nipples? Yeah, a little. They’re more sensitive than they used to be."

"Would it be possible for you to breast feed?"

Jesse giggled as he sucked on the other nipple. "I doubt that very seriously."

"So I won’t have to share them with the baby. That’s good." Steve gently pinched the brown flesh between his lips.

"You really want this with me, Steve?"

The cop sat up to face him. After several hungry kisses, he answered softly. "I really want you, Jesse. I know I’m not the most eloquent guy in the world, so I hope it’s not going to take romantic prose or serenading to win your heart. I love you, plain and simple, and I want to be with you. I’ll do anything for you, Jess. Anything you want."

Jesse smiled at him lovingly. "You’re so silly, Steve. All you have to do is be here until the end of time."

"Done." Steve kissed him again.

As the kiss subsided and they went into a comfortable snuggle, Jesse pondered. "What do you think Mark is going to say about our relationship?"

Steve drew in a ragged moan. "I don’t think he’s going to hold it against us for loving each other."

"You’re not going to tell him, are you?"

"Not today. Eventually."

"I understand. We can be discreet."

"I’m not asking you to sneak around with me, Jess. Let’s just have some time together before we tell him."

He read disappointment in the blue eyes.

"Or we could give him a call right now and tell him the good news." Steve said, hoping to appease him. "Whatever you want, Jesse. It’s up to you."

Jesse squeezed him tightly. "I love you, Steve." he said, "I think I would prefer that we wait at least until tomorrow to tell him."

"What do you have in mind for tonight?" Steve murmured in his ear.

"Maybe a little loving." Jesse answered.

Knowing the younger man was temporarily devoid of the normal male responses to sex, the cop wondered how to sexually approach him without causing him anguish. He settled for slipping one hand down from the swollen nipples to cup the area around the navel. "Jesse, you know I love you. I mean that, so never doubt it. But I’ve never done anything like this before, not with a man, not even a *pregnant* man. So you just take my hand and put it wherever you want it, okay?"

Jesse smiled at him and laid a hand over Steve’s hand. "I like it right where it is." he said. "I’ve never done this before, either, but I think I know where to touch *you*." His free hand ventured to his lover’s fly. "Can I take it out?"

"Do whatever you like. It’s yours." Steve said. He watched in growing excitement as Jesse opened his pants and extracted his stiffening member.

"Mine?" Jesse seemed to like the idea.

"Yeah, sweetheart. All yours."

"What about the rest of you?"

"Everything belongs to you."

"So I can do whatever I want with any part of you?" Jesse stroked the impressive cock in his hand.

"Yeah, as long as it doesn’t hurt either one of us." Steve grinned. "What do you wanta do?"

"I’ve never given a guy a blow job before. I want to try it."

"Well, honey, I’m the guy to practice on." Steve stretched out his legs and made himself comfortable.

Jesse leaned over to sample the purple head, ran his tongue around it. "Can I suck it?"

"That would be great." Steve answered, playing with his hair. "If it doesn’t bother you. I know how sick you’ve been lately."

"I think I can do it as long as you let me know before you...you know..."

"Come?" Steve caressed his cheek. "I’ll tell you."

Jesse sucked in the large cock, his jaw cracking in protest of the open width.

"Oh, Jesse," Steve moaned, tangling his hands in his lover’s hair, "It’s not gonna take long, honey. And then I’ll do something for you."

Jesse sucked the head and pumped the base, which soon had Steve arching and panting. During the course of giving his very first blowjob, Jesse found himself amused that Steve kept up a steady monologue. For a man who normally didn’t talk much, he was certainly
verbal during sex.

"Just like that." Steve urged, "Use your tongue. Yes, that’s good. Yes, that’s perfect." He rambled on until the boiling point, then grabbed Jesse’s head and pushed him away. Quickly, he encased Jesse’s hand, which was still wrapped around the base, and pumped it faster. As his cream shot high into the air, Steve’s moans increased, still very articulate. "Oh, Jesse, you don’t know how much I love you."

Jesse was affected to desire by his passionate verbose. "I love you, too, Steve."

They rolled on the couch until Jesse was lying beneath him. Steve kissed his way down his body, pushing the scrub bottoms down as he approached the abdomen. When his penis was exposed, Jesse whispered, "I don’t think it’ll work, Steve."

"I want to make you feel good." Steve said.

"But I can’t get an erection."

"What makes you feel good?"

Jesse shrugged in discomfort. "Just being in your arms."

"What about a prostate massage?" Steve kissed the limp organ, willing it to rise, but it laid inert.

"I don’t know. I’ve never had one. A lot of my patients talk about that."

"About prostate massages?"

"Yeah. One guy says that’s the only thing that makes him ‘get it up’ any more. I thought maybe it was because he’s had so much anal sex."

"You want me to give you one?"

"Not now. Maybe some other time. How about we just go to bed and hold each other for now?"

"Okay." Steve hauled him carefully to his feet and led him to the bedroom.

END PART 4