Title: "A Barrel of Monkeys"

Author: Kim

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: BF/RK, implied BF/RV - or else you can just see it as Fraser being manipulative and, er . . . equivocating a bit Warnings: m/m sex, minor swearing, hasn't been beta-ed so all errors are mine

Spoilers: some, minor, BDTH; whole story occurs immediately following that ep partly as a parody of Fraser's possibly feigned confusion and partly as a quick realization of his immediate attraction Story type: PWP; Humor; AU, because I don't know where this would fit back in, um, . . . afterwards Disclaimer, etc.: Not mine, being borrowed for some not so relaxing R&R, not to be used for money, just personal & list enjoyment.

Archiving/Posting elsewhere is okay, just keep my name on it and let me know you're doing it.

Feedback: I'd love it, good or bad (but please no huge otters, my fragile heart couldn't take it!)

A Barrel Of Monkeys

by Kim

"Give me five, Detective."

"Ah, Frase, ya' got ink all over my fingers."

"Terribly sore-y."

"What is that all about?"

"Eh. It's just a little thing we do."

"A little thing we do, huh?"

"Yeah, it's one of our little things."

"We have a lot of fun, don't we, you and I?"

"Ohoho. More fun than a barrel of monkeys."
- Benton Fraser and Ray Kowalski in "Burning Down the House"
********

It had taken them forever just to pick a restaurant, and now Fraser was just picking at his food. Plus he'd been giving him these weird, long looks ever since they'd left the station - maybe even before that. Right now, Ray could feel Fraser staring at him across the table, and he glanced up self-consciously. His fork clinked loudly when he set it down on his plate. "What's up, Fraser?"

Ben shook his head slightly, blue eyes blinking rapidly as he tried to clear his thoughts. "Hmm? Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I was just askin' what was wrong. You were starin' at me like I grew a second head or somethin'." Ray gave his new partner a puzzled look. "You okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine, R - you do want me to call you 'Ray,' don't you?"

"Sure, Frase. You're sure you're okay? You been awful quiet the whole time we've been sittin' here at the restaurant. This got anything to do with that postcard thingy you got earlier?"

"No, Ray. I mean, yes . . . well, sort of. Or no. I don't know. It doesn't matter. I'm sorry I've been such a poor dinner companion." Fraser looked downright troubled now, and the open, vulnerable look on his face knifed right through Ray's chest and, inexplicably, into his groin.

"Jeez, don't apologize fer that. It's a weird situation. 'Sides, nobody said you had ta be perfect all the time. Just take it easy, relax, Fraser."

'Not out loud, maybe,' Fraser thought. 'But people expect perfection from me anyway.' Aloud, he commented blandly, "I thought I was relaxing, Ray."

Ray chuckled. "Yeah, right . . . oh, you're serious, aren't you? Huh. Well, look, Fraser, try this. Just take a deep breath, close yer eyes fer a second, and think of something peaceful and fun, somethin' you'd really like to be doin' right now."

Looking skeptical, Fraser agreed to try it. A few moments later: "Ah."

"'Ah'? What 'ah,' Fraser? Is it working?"

"Hmm."

Now Ray was definitely curious. "Yo, Frase, what are you thinkin' about? Share."

Fraser's eyes flew wide open and he blushed bright red. "Ah, actually, Ray, I'd rather not tell you."

"You'd 'rather not - ' . . . " Ray spluttered. Then his voice took on a deeper note. "Okay then, Frase. This ain't a very good way to start a partnership, though, keepin' secrets from each other, y'know."

"Well, yes, of course, you're correct, Ray, I just really don't think this is something I ought to tell you." Fraser's tongue flicked out over his lower lip, unconsciously drawing Ray's attention to his mouth. The blond detective bit his own lip, trying to control his sudden attraction to that luscious mouth.

"I said, okay. That's fine. You just keep yer little secret. Finish yer dinner, it's gettin' late."

Ray sounded terse, and Fraser felt guilty. But he didn't know if he could . . . wait. There was definitely a way he could do this. And he'd realized much earlier that he wanted to do it . . . hmm. A slow smile worked its way across Ben's face.

The two men resumed eating, with Ray peering intently at Fraser now and then. 'Why the hell is he grinnin' like that now?? And he's turned into a regular chatterbox, too.'

Fraser was babbling incessantly about some Inuit ritual, not even sure himself what he was saying, just trying to distract Ray. Apparently, it was working. He finished his meal quickly, then pushed his chair away from the table. Ray looked up at him, one of the last bites of his meal partway to his mouth. "Are you ready to leave, Ray?"

"Uh, sure Fraser. Just a sec, lemme flag the waiter down -"

He was cut off by the too-cheerful response. "Oh, that's all right, Ray. I'll take care of it and meet you at the car momentarily."

Ray's left eyebrow went up, but he just shrugged, determining it would be impossible to ever figure the Mountie out. "Okay."

Fraser walked away, smiling to himself again, and planning the details out in his mind. He calmly stepped up to the employee standing at the cash register, handed him a small wad of Canadian bills to cover their meal, then hurriedly ducked into the men's restroom. Ray just shoved the rest of his food into his mouth, pulled his jacket on, and headed out the door.

* * *

'Where the heck is he? Tells me he's ready to leave and to meet him out here at the car, then he disappears fer ten minutes. Jeez.' Ray paced around, getting more and more frustrated.

Suddenly his partner emerged from the restaurant, hands folded behind his back. "Sore-y, Ray. I had to make a quick stop in the lavatory."

Ray laughs, opening his car door and climbing inside. "Okay, Fraser. Just get in the car, let's get outta here." 'Feel like I'm on a date with a chick or something, with him talking about using the lavatory. Why can't this guy just say he needed to take a piss?' He rolled his eyes as he leaned over to push the passenger door on the borrowed car open for the other man.

Fraser slid in, settling himself on the seat and folding his hands in his lap. Once again, this motion drew Ray's eyes to the source, so that this time his gaze rested on Ben's hands, which were resting right near his crotch . . . 'Ridiculous, Kowalski. Get a grip on those raging hormones, this is your new partner, and he's straighter than a yardstick. Focus.' He tore his eyes away, and slid the key into the ignition.

Fraser noticed where Ray had been looking, and bit back a smile. He stretched languorously, shifting his hands forward, then back up his thighs, fingers curling under like a cat waking from a nap. The quick guttural noise of the engine starting *almost* covered the slightly strangled gasp Fraser was sure he heard leave Ray's mouth. Mmm, that mouth . . . later. More time for that later. Now . . . he just had to keep Ray's mind on his actions.

Ray shifted gears and eased the car out of the parking space. Fraser slipped his left hand into his pocket, moistening his palm against a wet piece of paper towel he'd stored there when he was in the bathroom. He brought his right hand up and rubbed at his mouth, pretending to be puzzling over something.

The cop shot a glance at him, then asked for the second time that night, "What's up, Fraser?"

Fraser dropped his hand quickly back to his lap as if just realizing what he'd been doing. "Oh, it's nothing, Ray. Don't trouble yourself about it."

Unconvinced but figuring further efforts at getting answers out of him would be futile, Ray nodded. "If you say so." Then he turned back to his driving and tried to concentrate. It was becoming increasingly difficult to do, however, since his peripheral vision kept revealing what Fraser was doing, and right now that was something very arousing. His right hand went back and forth between stroking his eyebrow in a distracted motion to tugging at the corner of his mouth again. And his left hand was buried in his pocket, sorta wiggling around now and then. Ray chose not to ask again what was on Fraser's mind. He just let his own imagination wander, staring at the road in front of him. He suddenly realized he wasn't sure where he was going, since his - well, Vecchio's house was somewhat charred, and he knew Fraser's apartment was gone. He slowed the car and parked against the nearby curb. "Hey, Fraser, where are you sleeping tonight?"

Ben's head snapped towards him. "What?" He couldn't believe Ray had caught on . . .

"Well, I can't really go back to the Vecchio place, and you can't go to your apartment, so I was just wonderin' where you were sleepin' instead, so I know where to take ya'."

"Oh." The storm-hued blue eyes darkened briefly. "I think I will be staying at the Consulate temporarily, Ray. You can just drop me off there. I'd offer to let you spend the night there as well - " Ray's eyebrows shot up. "But there is only the queen's bed, and I'm afraid Inspector Thatcher would be terrible angry if I allowed you to use it. Aside from that, Constable Turnbull's shocked sensibilities would keep him upset with me for days. Of course, that would most likely mean he would avoid me, and that's not necessarily a - "

"Okay, okay, Fraser, I get the point! That's all right, I'll just get a room at a hotel for the night." Having resolved the destination issue, Ray started to ease away from the curb. Fraser spoke up.

"Ray, wait." He pulled his right hand out of his pocket and placed it over Ray's where it lay on the steering wheel.

"Why? Aww, hey, Frase, yer hand is all wet. That better be water!" Ray lifted his hand out from under Fraser's and shook it, dislodging some of the droplets, then steered the car off to the side again and cut the ignition.

"Yes, it is, Ray. My hands must just still be wet from washing them in the restroom. Here, let me get that for you." Fraser produced a warm, dry handkerchief from his left pocket and pulled Ray's hand towards him. Ray started to jerk away, but Ben held his hand firmly in his grasp. "It will only take a moment, Ray, and I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable by my mistake." He wrapped the cloth around Ray's pinky and began drying it, twisting the cotton slowly around the thin finger. Looking up into Ray's eyes, Fraser commented, "You know, Ray, I've been thinking about that relaxation technique you had me try earlier."

Mesmerized by the deep blue eyes staring back at him and trying to ignore the fiery sensations racing through him as Fraser started drying his ring finger with those little sensuous strokes, Ray just muttered, "Yeah?"

'It's working,' Fraser thought gleefully. "Yes, Ray. It worked rather well, and I wanted to share with you what I'd been thinking, since you showed such a sincere desire to know before. Also, I think you should try it yourself." He was up to the index finger now, basically just caressing it through the thin material of the handkerchief. Not that Ray seemed to mind.

"Huh. Um, sure, Benton-buddy." Ray shifted in his seat, trying to inconspicuously adjust the growing bulge in his jeans. Fraser dropped the handkerchief (and most of the pretense), and rubbed the pad of his thumb up and down against Ray's. Ray tried to gulp past the wedge in his throat. "So, uh, you really think we should do that? Both do the relaxing thing, think about something we'd like to be doin', I mean?"

Ben tried to make his tone convincing as he leaned forward, breaking eye contact to nibble the blond detective's fingers. "Yes, Ray, we need to share this experience."

Ray sounded uncertain. "Are you sure, Fraser?" Even as he was edging closer to the handsome Mountie.

Fraser's only answer came in the form of a wild, passionate kiss on the other man's lips as he drew Ray's lithe body against his own. The original discussion was forgotten in the span of the time it took Ray's tongue to slide out of his own mouth and into Fraser's. Ben felt the other man's growing erection press into the side of his thigh and suppressed a grown, running his hands lightly over Ray's ass.

"Fraser," Ray mumbled, shifting slightly in Ben's arms. "Fraser, God, you feel so good. But is this all you wanna do, just kiss me?"

"Actually, no, Ray. I want to do much more. Is that all right?" Ben pulled back for a moment, awaiting Ray's answer and licking his swollen lips.

Ray breathlessly rolled the words out of his mouth. "Yeah, Fraser, that's fine. I think maybe we oughta go ahead and head to that hotel room I was talking about, though."

"Ah. Right you are, Ray." With that, Fraser dropped his hands, sat calmly back in his seat, and stared straight ahead. "Shall we go then?" A tiny smile.

Ray gunned the engine in response, and went to the nearest hotel he could think of - which also happened to be kinda expensive, but he'd worry about that later. Right now, he had a big gorgeous Mountie to think about instead.

* * *

Once they were in the room, both men were galvanized into immediate action. Clothing was virtually torn off and thrown to the floor, hands went everywhere, mouths joined again, fused, melted together. Abruptly Fraser pulled away, and Ray moaned in frustration. "Hey, Fra - "

The rest of the name was lost in a wordless moan as he felt Ben's mouth press against his aching cock. Then that hot, wet mouth was sliding all the way over him, sucking and somehow massaging. The thick tongue that had taken possession of his mouth a few moments before was now flicking out and tracing lines over the outside of his cock. Ray's breath came out in short, harsh pants. He wondered for a split second how much of this Ben had actually done with *him*, with his real partner, Vecchio, before he'd had to go undercover. Then he pushed the thought out of his mind as he felt his body begin to convulse. Fraser just licked and sucked more strongly than ever, and Ray came with a rush, bending helplessly at the waist as the flood subsided.

He leaned against the top of Fraser's head and ran his fingers through the other man's hair. "Wow."

"Wow, indeed, Ray. That was quite impressive." Fraser's voice was muffled, and Ray shifted so he could move away and get to his feet.

"Yeah, well, yer not so bad yerself." Ray wrapped his arms around Ben's body and pulled him close. He felt a very insistent erection nudging urgently at his inner thigh. "Looks like you could use a little relief though. I don't think our relaxation worked too well for ya' yet."

"Mmm, I believe you're correct, Ray. If you'd like, I can just concentrate on what I was thinking of earlier and try to relax enough to take care of it myself . . . "

"No way. You think I'm lettin' you get away with that after what you just did ta me with that tongue o'yers? Uh-uh, Benton-buddy." Ray shifted one hand from Fraser's back to the throbbing cock between his legs and began stroking it lazily. Watched the other man's lids slowly falling to hood his eyes. Increased the pace and rubbed the slick head a little bit just to see them fly open again. Smiled, then frowned slightly. Stopped the motion. "Wait, what were you thinking about, anyway?"

Fraser had looked disappointed, then a mischievious grin spread across his face before being replaced by a Mountie-blank mask. He placed a hand on Ray's slowly reviving hard-on and said, deadpan, "Having intimate relations with you, naturally."

Ray resumed his caressing of Fraser's cock, chuckling. "Ah." He cut off the question he knew was coming by kissing Ben again, as strongly as he could.

* * *

As the loud moans of the two lovers subsided much later, the blond detective flopped back on the bed and laughed. "Ah, Frase, ya' got cum all over my fingers."

"Terribly sore-y," Ben replied.

"What is that all about?" Ray's tone was teasing.

"Eh. It's just a little thing we do," Fraser responded lightly.

"A little thing we do, huh?" Now Ray was clamping his teeth together trying not to laugh.

"Yeah, it's one of our little things." Ben just looked at Ray, oh-so-innocently with those big blue eyes.

Ray strayed from their previous discourse. "And we do this pretty often, huh?" Not to be outdone by Fraser's poker-face, he was doing his best to keep a totally straight face, too.

"Well . . . " A vague shrug.

"Cuz I think we do. Y'know, I mean, I may be misremembering or somethin', but this seems like something we oughta do a lot." A perfectly logical suggestion, in Ray's opinion.

"Yes, Ray, of course," the Mountie said, allowing a secret little smile to tug at the corner of his mouth.

- end -