History

By Iris Gray

Pairing: (BF/RV)

Rating PG

Summary: A history of Fraser and Ray's relationship, told in flashbacks.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Alliance, not to me.

HISTORY
by Iris Gray

"She loves me, Benny! I know she does!" exclaimed Ray Vecchio.

Benton Fraser sighed and tried to hide the way he was feeling about what his partner had just said. "Ray, you only knew her for a few minutes. And most of that time, she was trying to kill you. Not to mention the fact that she left you."

"But that's what right for us. Right now, we can't be together. Maybe someday that will change, but right now, what we need is impossible odds and just a little bit of hope that we can overcome them. It's all about signs, Benny. But why am I telling you this? You're a Mountie. Mounties don't know anything about women."

Fraser looked away. Less than two days ago, his friend had been knocked down by a car driven by Special Agent Suzanne Chapin. She had dragged him to the sidewalk and given him artificial respiration, then vanished. Fraser had been almost frantic when he'd returned from chasing the man who had pulled a gun on himself and Ray and discovered the detective had been injured. He'd been even more upset to hear Ray going on about this mystery woman. Every word was like a knife in his heart. He didn't want to be in love with Ray Vecchio, but he was, and had been for what seemed like forever. But Ray seemed oblivious to Benny's feelings, and fell "in love" with a new woman every week or two. Fraser did know a thing or two about women. He'd tried to tell Ray about Victoria, but his partner had been asleep while Ben was reciting the story of the time spent with her at Fortitude Pass. Ben also knew a few things about Ray Vecchio, and one of those things was that Ray liked women. He wouldn't be interested in a man. Not even if that man was his best friend.

They had discovered that the "mystery woman" was apparently working with a weapons smuggler named Bodine. Ray had gone to great lengths to make excuses for her, until she confronted him in a farmhouse, kissed him, then hit him over the head with her gun. Then he had been determined to put her behind bars. But when they had finally caught up with her, Ray had offered to let her escape - and then discovered she was an undercover agent for the ATF. But she hadn't reported him. She'd praised him in her report. And she'd left town, probably never to return.

"Of course, Ray," Fraser said in a neutral tone. The detective looked at him. "Are you okay, Frasier?" he asked, mispronouncing his partner's name as always.

"Yes, Ray, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know, you just sounded kinda...different there, for a minute."

"I'm fine, Ray," Fraser repeated. "Thank you for driving me home." v "No problem, Benny," said Ray. "That's what friends are for."

--------------

"You've got a *woman* in there?"

A woman. Benny had a woman. Ray had been surprised, and pleased for his partner. And just a little bit jealous, especially when Fraser had missed the party Ray had given to show off his new pool table to the guys at the precinct. Benny had promised he'd be there. Why had his absence bothered Ray so much? It wasn't about the money. It had never been about the money. Sure, coming up short because he'd lent his friend some money had been an inconvenience, but that was all. He should have been happy that Fraser had found someone. And Victoria Metcalfe was quite a stunning someone.

But something just hadn't been right about her. "Hurt him, and I'll kill you," he'd told her. And he'd meant it. Most women, when they looked at Fraser, showed lust, adoration, even a touch of hero worship. But what he saw in Victoria's eyes was different. She controlled him. Fraser let himself be controlled. He plainly adored her, but she didn't feel that way about him. He was just the means to an end. She'd burned down Benny's father's cabin. She'd shot Diefenbaker. She'd framed Benny for murder. Yet he was going to go with her....until Ray had shot him.

And now Benny was in surgery. The doctors didn't know if he would live, and if he did, if he'd be able to walk. The bullet was in his back. Ray's bullet was in Fraser's back.

Ray buried his face in his hands and sobbed.

--------------

Three weeks. Ray had been at his bedside every day for three weeks.

He supposed Ray felt guilty about having shot him. Ben felt even more guilty about his betrayal of his friend. He'd actually been going to leave with Victoria - jump bail, leave Ray behind, let Ray lose his home, the home he'd mortgaged to bail Fraser out of jail.

Never to see Ray again. In truth, he supposed that was why he'd allowed himself to fall so heavily for Victoria. If he left with her, he would never have to see Ray again, never have to listen to Ray raving about women, never lose Ray to a woman.

Never reveal to Ray how he really felt.

Having Ray visit him every day like this was almost more than he could bear. He tried to discourage the visits, but Ray was stubbornly determined to visit him every day, even if Ben wouldn't talk to him. He wanted to go up north and start working on rebuilding Fraser's father's cabin. Well, he supposed it was *his* cabin now. His father had left it to him.

And now Ray had been shot. Shot protecting him. His way of making up for shooting Fraser.

He would go north with Ray. Perhaps working on the cabin together would help them start to heal their relationship.

-----------------

Ray sat back in his seat on the plane to Chicago and studied the sleeping figure of his friend. He couldn't believe how close he had come to losing Benny *again.* The plane crash, being pursued through the bush by an escaped convict, and floating down a river on a homemade raft - yet somehow he and Fraser had survived. But it had been close. Benny had been blind, concussed and unable to walk. And he'd kept calling Ray "Steve." Who the hell was Steve, and why did hearing Benny call him that cause that surge of jealousy he'd only felt once before - when Fraser was with Victoria?

He hadn't been certain that either of them would survive the hike through the bush to civilization, but he'd been especially worried about Benny. He was still healing from that bullet wound in his back. Ray had been worried that the bullet had somehow contributed to Fraser's thankfully temporary paralysis. Of course, seeing the ghost of his dead father hadn't exactly made the trip easier. Good thing Fraser had been delirious most of the time.

Somehow, they'd survived. And their relationship had survived, and come out stronger, he hoped. He looked at Fraser, sleeping peacefully, oblivious to the thoughts running through Ray's head. He lightly placed a hand on Benny's arm. Benny didn't notice. Ray didn't intend him to.

//We're okay now, Benny.// Ray said silently. //We survived Victoria. We survived the shooting in the hospital. We survived the plane crash and the hike through the woods. We can make it through anything life throws at us in the future. // He found himself adding //I love you, Benny. I don't know when it happened, but I fell in love with you. You'll never know, of course. Maybe you'll find a woman one day, maybe I will. But I'll always be here for you. And I'll always love you.//

----------------

"You know, the first time I ever asked her to dance was in P.E. class."

Fraser was once again listening to Ray talk about a woman. This time it was Irene Zuko, Frank Zuko's sister. Ray had been in love with her since childhood.

They had been at a restaurant, celebrating Vecchio's raise in pay, when Ray had spotted Irene and asked her to dance. Somehow everything had gone downhill after that. Ray's car had exploded outside the restaurant, killing Louis Gardino. Zuko had been the prime suspect, and the police had even found evidence in Zuko's backyard. But Fraser had known the mobster would not have been careless enough to leave pieces of an explosive in his own yard, especially when there was a child in the house.

But Ray would not listen to him. Ray was obsessed, both with Frank Zuko and with Irene. When Fraser had found evidence implicating someone else in the explosion, Ray had pushed him away. It had hurt him deeply, but he kept trying to get Ray to understand. He wasn't certain what had hurt more - Ray's involvement with Irene or Ray's rejection of him. When he'd heard gunshots inside the Zuko house, where Ray had gone to get Irene, Fraser had almost panicked, and had run, his heart in his throat, into the house. He'd found Ray in one piece, carrying a bleeding Irene Zuko in his arms. She had died in the hospital, and now here he was listening to Ray reminisce. Nothing was said about the way Ray had treated his friend, and Ben wouldn't bring it up. He understood obsession. It wasn't as if he had any claim on Ray. The detective had been there for him after Victoria, even though Fraser had treated him badly, and he would be there for Ray, and ignore his own pain.

-------------------

Ray stood on top of the now-stopped train and watched Fraser with Meg Thatcher. Diefenbaker whined, and Ray looked at him. "Sometimes, between men and women, things just come up," he said to the wolf. Unfortunately, he reflected, things sometimes came up between men and men, too. Watching the Dragon Lady on the horse with Benny, her arms around Benny's waist, he tried to stifle the feelings of jealousy that fired up inside of him.

//So it's the Dragon Lady, is it, Benny?// He told himself that he knew something like this would happen eventually. Fraser would find a woman, and who better than another Canadian, another Mountie? It wasn't like Inspector Thatcher was Victoria. If he was a better friend, he would be happy for Benny. But he wasn't happy. Maybe he wasn't that good a friend, either. He'd been pretty lousy to Benny during the Zuko case. With Irene, he'd thought he had finally found someone who could take his mind off his feelings for for his partner. And he'd pushed Benny away to make sure of it. Then Irene had been shot, and Benny had been there at the hospital, listening to him ramble on, shielding him from the Zuko family and the media.

He found the trip back to Chicago on the train a bit disconcerting, surrounded as he was by dozens of red-clad Mounties. Benny rambled on about the Musical Ride, barely mentioning the harrowing experience they had just been through with a train wired with enough explosives to blow up Chicago. Neither did he mention Inspector Thatcher, who seeemed to be pointedly ignoring both of them. "What's up with you and the Dragon Lady?" Ray finally asked, trying to keep his tone light.

"Nothing," replied Fraser dully.

"Nothing? When you two were on that horse, you looked pretty cozy. Not to mention the way you took off like a bat out of hell to rescue her when Bolt took her hostage."

"Well, I thought there might have been...something, but she is my superior officer. It would not be....appropriate."

"She tell you that?" Ray asked.

"Yes."

Ray was torn between relief that he was not going to lose Benny to the clutches of the Dragon Lady, sadness that his friend had been hurt, and anger at Meg Thatcher for hurting him. He put an arm around Fraser's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Benny," he said. "There'll be someone for you, one day."

"Perhaps," said Fraser. "Perhaps."

part 2

Ben was relieved. Ray had been angry at him. The Bolt trial had attracted a lot of media attention - focused mainly on himself. He supposed there was some novelty attached to his being a Mountie in Chicago that attracted the reporters, but Ray had definitely been not happy about it. He had been there on the train, too, in fact he had jumped off a bridge on to the moving train. But no one had wanted to put him in the spotlight.

He had tried to work out what had happened between himself and Ray. They had never fought like this before. He had held mental conversations with Ray, some in his head, some out loud, that had caused Diefenbaker to give him a few odd looks. Then the Bolts had shown up and taken the two of them hostage, and chained them to a bomb. This had forced them to work together, and, it seemed, put their relationship back on track, for which Ben was grateful. He wondered, though, when the next test would come along. How many more times would their friendship be threatened? How many times could he survive his heart being broken?

Standing on top of a building, looking down, he semaphored a flirtatious comment to Meg Thatcher: "Red suits you." She smiled up at him. He didn't see the pained look that crossed Ray's face.

------------

Ray opened the mysterious package that had landed on his desk. Inside was a little toy hearse. Inside the toy hearse was a toy Mountie. Fraser. Carver had Fraser. And Ray had another puzzle to figure out, without Benny there to help him. He hated puzzles.

He assembled all the toys that Charles Carver had sent him. Putting the hearse on top of the crushed toy Riviera, the answer suddenly struck him: a crushed car. A junkyard. Benny was being held in a junkyard and he would be crushed inside a car. Ray would *not* let that happen.

As he sped to the auto wrecker's, he realized that Benny was the only person who truly believed that Ray had not framed Carver for the arson that had put the killer in jail. He hadn't planted that heel at the site, but nobody except Benny, not even Ange, believed him. Oh, they thought he'd had a perfectly good reason for doing it - but he hadn't done it. Damn Carver, he was not going to take Benny away. They'd had their differences, the two of them, they'd had some tough times, but they'd always made it through. Benny was his friend, his partner, and yes, the one that he loved. He'd probably never know that Ray loved him, or maybe he'd see it and just think Ray loved him as a friend or a brother. If they got out of this, Ray promised himself he'd be a better friend and control his jealousy if he saw Benny getting involved with a woman again, even if that woman was his sister Francesca.

When everything was finally over, Fraser was safe, Carver in custody, Benny asked him some ridiculous math question. "I don't care," Ray answered. "Fine answer, Ray," was Benny's reply. Yeah, his partner was kind of strange sometimes, but Ray loved him.

-------------

Ben was on holiday in the Northwest Territories when the call came from Ray. "I just wanted to tell you that I might not be able to pick you up at the train," he said. He tried to sound casual, but Fraser heard something in his voice.

"Is everything all right, Ray?" Ben asked. He felt suddenly frightened, and he didn't know why.

"Yeah, everything's fine, Benny. I just wanted you to know...you might have to be on your own for awhile." //No, everything is not all right, Benny!// he wanted to scream. //I'm in love with you and you'll never know.//

"Are you going somewhere, Ray?" asked Ben, puzzled and even more frightened.

"You could say that, yeah."

"For how long?"

"I don't know, Benny. Maybe a long time." //Until I can stop loving you, if possible.//

"Do you have to leave right away?" asked the Mountie. //Please, Ray, tell me what's going on.//

"Um, I'm not sure."

"Ray, I am going to get the first flight out of here that I can. If it's possible, don't leave until I get back. At least give me a chance to say goodbye to you, if nothing else." //And tell you that I love you.//

There was a sigh from Ray's end of the line. "All right, Benny. I'll see what I can arrange. Call me when you get in to Chicago and I'll come meet you."

"Thank you, Ray. I'll see you soon."

"Goodbye, Benny." And the connection was broken.

After the longest train ride of his life, Benny arrived in Chicago. He and Diefenbaker disembarked and Ben searched for the familiar figure of his friend. Sure enough, there was the Riv, and there was Ray leaning against it. "Hello, Ray!" he said with forced cheerfulness. Ray smiled slightly. "Hey, Benny. It's good to see you."

They put his things into the car and headed toward Ben's apartment. Ray was oddly silent, and Fraser tried to fill the void with chatter about his pursuit of a 'litterbug' - a man who had been dumping toxic waste - across the Northwest Territories. He wished he could fill the empty space he felt inside. //What is troubling you, Ray? What is so terrible that you cannot share it with me?//

As they pulled up in front of the building on West Racine, Ray finally spoke. "You know, they caught someone trying to torch this place last night."

"An arsonist? Why would an arsonist target this building?" asked Fraser.

Ray shrugged. "Her name was Greta Garbo, if you can believe it. You and me put away her boyfriend for the same crime, and she was trying to get back at us. If they hadn't caught her when they did, she would've gone after my house next."

"I'm glad she was caught," said Ben as he removed his things from the car. "Are you coming up with me, Ray?"

"I don't know, Benny," Ray sighed. "I have some things to do."

"Please, Ray. There are some things I wish to discuss with you before you go wherever it is you are going."

"Okay, sure, Benny. There are some things I'd like to talk to you about, too."

When they were in Benny's apartment, Ray looked around as if checking to make sure no one else was there. Finally he sat down and started to speak.

"I've been offered a job, Benny. An undercover assignment. I'm not really supposed to tell anyone, not even you, but I couldn't leave without saying something. If take it, I'll be sent to Las Vegas where I'll be playing the part of a mobster named Lagostini. Seems I look just like him."

"You said *if* you take it, Ray. Have you not decided?"

Ray shrugged his shoulders. "I keep changing my mind. One minute I'm sure I'll do it, the next I can't imagine doing it. I won't be able to see my family, my friends, not even make a phone call or send a postcard. I'll have to pretend like my life here never existed and I've always been Armande Lagostini. It could go on for years."

Fraser took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "I...I would miss you, Ray, if you left."

Ray smiled sadly. "I'll miss you too, Benny," he said.

Ben froze. Ray had said 'I *will* miss you', not 'I *would* miss you.'

The detective started to get up. "I have to go, Benny. They want my answer tonight. " He turned toward Fraser and the Canadian found himself enveloped in a hug. Ray had never hugged him before, except with one arm across his shoulders. He could feel wetness on his friend's cheeks. Ray moved back and put one hand on Ben's face. "Goodbye, Benny," he said. "Take care of my family for me, would you?"

Fraser seized Ray's arms and held him in place. "Ray," he said, "I have no right to ask you this, but don't go....please?"

Ray looked angry. "Why not, Frasier? Why shouldn't I take this job?"

Ben stifled a sob. "Because I love you, Ray."

Green eyes widened in wonder. "Benny....you mean you love me like a friend? A brother, maybe?"

Fraser shook his head, not knowing what to say. Then a thought occurred to him, and instead of speaking, he bent his head and closed his mouth on Ray's. He felt Ray's body relax, and he released Ray's arms so that he could pull him closer. The other man's arms went around him and he pressed his body against Fraser's.

Finally the two stopped to catch their breath. Ray looked into Fraser's eyes. "I love you, Benny," he said. "I don't know why it took me so long to tell you. I - I never thought that you could feel this way about me."

Ben leaned his head on his partner's. "I thought the same about you, Ray. I think we underestimated each other." He kissed his love soundly. "Would you like to move this to the bed?" he asked.

The Italian groaned. "I've wanted that for months, years even - but I can't -" he lay a finger on Ben's lips, "-yet. First I have to go tell the Feds that I'm not taking that undercover assignment. But I will be back. You'll hardly have time to miss me. And then we have some lost time to make up for." He grinned.

Benny watched his friend and soon to be lover as he headed for the door. "Ray - " he called. Ray stopped and smiled at him. "I know, Benny. I love you, too." Then he was gone.

Benton paced the small apartment while Dief watched. He was torn between joy and fear - joy that Ray returned his love, fear that he would vanish in to this undercover assignment. Finally he lit some candles and incense and turned down the bed covers. Then he sat and waited. After what felt like a thousand years, he heard a sound at the door. He was across the room and at the door almost before it opened, and he took Ray into his arms the moment he was inside. "Ray," he said softly. "Ray, I was so frightened."

"I told you I'd come back, didn't I?" said Ray, holding Benny tightly. "It took a little longer than I thought. Those Feds are stubborn when they want to be. But I told them I was staying put right here in Chicago. Of course, I didn't tell them why. I didn't tell them I was staying because I'm in love with my best friend and I plan to take him to bed with me and stay there for about a year."

"Only a year, Ray?" asked the Mountie with a mischievous smile.

"Well, we gotta eat sometime, Benny."

"Understood, Ray. Shall we start some - eating - now?" He took Ray's hand and led him to the bed.

A few hours later, a very relaxed and sexually sated Chicago cop and Canadian Mountie lay in bed together, loosely holding each other. Ray kissed his lover's forehead. "Are you happy, Benny?" he asked.

"Very happy, Ray," replied Ben.

"I'll never leave you, Benny. Never."

"Nor I you, Ray."

"But Benny, Chicago isn't where you belong. Your home is in Canada, up north. Can you really be happy if you stay here?"

"Ray, wherever you are is where I belong. My home is with you. Your family is here - your mother, your sisters - I couldn't ask you to leave them, and I won't leave you."

"You're my family too, now, Benny," said Ray. Ben was thoughtful for awhile, then he spoke.

"Some friends of my father have been working on rebuilding his cabin so that I can use it when I am on holiday in the Territories. How would you feel about spending part of the year there, and part of the year here in Chicago, if we can manage our work schedules to fit such an arrangement?"

"Only if you install a bathroom in that cabin, Benny," replied Ray.

"I think that can be arranged, Ray." He yawned.

"Tired, Benny?" asked Ray. He looked at the clock. "Do you have to work tomorrow?"

"Yes, Ray, unfortunately, I do. I can't very well tell Inspector Thatcher I won't be coming to work because I plan to spend the day in bed with you."

"So tell her you're sick."

"Ray..."

"I know, I know, Mounties don't lie. Get some sleep, Benny. We have lots of time to fool around later."

"Ray, will you still be here when I wake up?" Ben asked.

"Every morning, Benny. For the rest of our lives."

Fraser smiled and kissed his lover. "Goodnight, Ray. I love you."

"Goodnight, Benny. I love you, too. Always."

END