Title: Last Calls and First Kisses II

Author/pseudonym: Caroline Crane

Fandom: Due South

Pairing: Fraser/Ray K.

Rating: R for language

Status: new/complete

Archive: yes to WWOMB, or ask so I know

Feedback: yes please

E-mail address for feedback:: caroline_crane@hotmail.com

Series/Sequel: Part of a series of fics in each of my fandoms, although this one will most likely have a sequel of its own (of course it's confusing, I write slash. It's my job to confuse you)

Other websites: http://www.geocities.com/carolinecrane

Disclaimers: They're not mine, because if they were they'd still be on the air and they'd be blissfully and disgustingly in love

Summary: Ray's depressed about his wedding anniversary and life in general, which leads to lots and lots of drinking and confusing Fraser.

Warnings: can't spoil a show that's not on the air anymore

LAST CALLS AND FIRST KISSES II

By Caroline Crane

*****

Ben's eyes slid closed in a futile attempt to fight off the headache that was forming just behind his temples. The combination of cigarette smoke and loud voices talking over even louder televisions had made him wonder more than once over the past few hours if following Ray to this particular bar was really such a good idea after all. He couldn't bring himself to leave his partner to fend for himself, however, especially not when Ray ended their shift with the muttered announcement that he planned to be on his way to drunk within the hour. So against Ben's better judgement he'd offered to tag along, ostensibly to keep his partner company. Ray had scowled but didn't refuse, which Ben took as acceptance of the offer. Perhaps Ray had truly wanted to be alone and just hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings, but either way Ben knew his partner was in no shape to be alone.

The day had started off badly, with one of their cases being dismissed for lack of evidence and another suspect wheedling out of his charges with the help of an expensive lawyer and an incompetent ADA. Ben smiled ruefully at that thought - how ironic that the very office Stella worked for would set the tone for their day. He didn't know until Ray had brooded his way through half the day and snapped at Ben at least four times without provocation the real reason for his friend's horrible mood, but when Ray practically bit his head off over where to stop for lunch Ben finally forced him to talk about what had him in such a black mood.

It was, as Ray put it, "the anniversary of the biggest failure of his life".

Or more to the point, Ray's and Stella's wedding anniversary. He knew how much it bothered his partner that his marriage to Stella had failed, and how much Ray still cared for his ex-wife. He also knew better than to let Ray go out drinking alone, and at any rate neither of them had to work the next day so he could stand to give up a few hours' sleep for his partner. Not
that Ray had said much of anything to him since they sat down at the somewhat sticky table at the back of the bar. Ben had made a few attempts at conversation, including an overture regarding Ray's past with his ex-wife. That had gone over like the proverbial lead balloon, however, and finally Ben had resigned himself to a quiet evening nursing seltzer water while Ray alternated between beer and shots of whiskey.

"You know you don't hafta babysit me, Frase," Ray said to him, not for the first time that evening. His expression was still as dark as it had been all evening, but some of the bitterness had drained from his voice. Ben decided to take that as a good sign. "I'm a big boy, ya know."

Ben refrained from telling Ray that he was quite well aware of that fact, not trusting himself to keep his concerns for Ray's emotional state from crossing over into his personal feelings about his partner. "It's quite alright, Ray. On the contrary, I enjoy your company."

Ray laughed, the sound slurred from too much alcohol and even more introspection. "Sure, Frase. I've been a hell of a date tonight."

The thought of their evening together as a date gave Ben pause, but he shook it off as one of Ray's quirky attempts at humor. He couldn't really be held responsible for his words, after all, not after the amount of alcohol he'd consumed. Ben's thoughts were interrupted by the bartender's announcement of last call, and he turned as Ray tried to stand up. For a moment he found himself fascinated by the almost-grace with which Ray swayed as he stood, but as soon as Ben realized where he was headed he stood up and caught his partner by the bicep. Ray turned too quickly, his eyes unfocused as he glared at the taller man. "What are you doing, Frase?"

"Forgive me, Ray, but if you wouldn't mind.I'm afraid I've developed a bit of a headache. I'm sure if you want another beer you have some at home?"

For a moment Ray just stared at him, then his shoulders relaxed and he flashed Ben a lopsided grin. "You coming home with me? Yeah, alright, Frase. Let's go."

Ben stifled a relieved sigh and steered Ray toward the entrance to the bar, guiding his partner out onto the sidewalk and pointing him in the direction of the block on which Ray lived. Thankfully they were only a few blocks from Ray's apartment building, considering how dangerously he was swaying it was just as well that they didn't have far to walk. They walked back to the apartment in silence, but Ray didn't push Ben away when he reached out to help steady him and Ben found himself thankful even for that small contact.

When they reached the apartment door Ben waited while Ray fumbled in his pockets for his keys, his normally nimble fingers rendered clumsy by the alcohol. Ben bit back the urge to offer his aid in Ray's search, knowing all too well that any attempt on his part to 'help' Ray find his keys wouldn't end well. Certainly not for him, and even given Ray's inebriated state he had no wish to jeopardize his relationship with his partner. He'd lived with his growing affection for Ray for a long time now, there was no reason he couldn't make it through a few more minutes. All he had to do was get Ray inside and make sure he made it to his bed before he passed out, then he would be free to go back to the Consulate where he was safely away from the object of most of his better dreams.

Finally Ray produced the elusive keys, and Ben reached forward and slipped them out of his hand as gently as possible. His partner didn't protest, however, which was a sign that either he was closer to passing out than Ben realized or he was expecting Ben to come inside. Not that it mattered what he was expecting, because Ben certainly didn't intend to leave Ray to fend for himself. He unlocked the door and pushed it open, guiding Ray across the threshold and closing the door behind him before he turned back to his partner. When he looked in Ray's eyes he was shocked to find resignation mingled with the glazed look the alcohol gave him, and he found himself swallowing a gasp. "Are you alright, Ray?"

"Yeah, sure, Frase," Ray said, his speech less slurred than Ben expected it to be. "So we had a shitty day, not the first time. Just felt like blowing off a little steam, ya know? I'm sure I'll regret it in the morning."

Ben frowned as Ray turned out of his grip and stumbled into the kitchen, reaching for a glass and filling it from the tap before digging a bottle of aspirin out of one of his cabinets. His eyes remained locked on Ray's profile as he watched his partner swallow the pills, transfixed by the way his throat moved and the sight of his fingers wrapped around the glass. It wasn't until Ray's grip slipped and the glass fell into the sink that he snapped out of it, a hot blush creeping into his cheeks when he realized
he'd been staring.

"Son of a bitch," Ray muttered as he reached for the broken glass and sliced his hand open. His hand instantly flew to his mouth, his lips clamping down over the wound as Ben forgot his embarrassment and rushed to pull Ray's hand away from his mouth.

"Ray, let me help you," Ben murmured, keeping his voice low and soothing so his partner wouldn't fight him. When he was miserable Ray often acted something like a wounded animal, and this wasn't the first time Ben had had to coax him with soft words and gentle, well-chosen touches to convince him to yield. The affect was the same this time as the other times Ray had
gotten depressed about Stella or his job and been careless, ending up hurting himself in the process. When he looked up at Ben his eyes were still slightly unfocused, but his expression was pure misery.

He let Ben lead him to the small bathroom off the living room, letting his partner push him down onto the toilet and waiting while Ben dug in the medicine cabinet for Ray's pathetic collection of first aid supplies. Ben shook his head as he finally gave up looking for hydrogen peroxide to clean the wound, settling instead on soap and water. The truth was he was amazed that Ray actually had gauze and medical tape, although for someone as accident-prone as Ray it was probably a necessity. When he'd finished washing Ray's cut he applied Neosporin that he was sure had expired months ago, then wrapped the pad of Ray's thumb in gauze and taped it as securely as he could. "That should hold overnight," he said, looking up from his spot on the floor in front of Ray to find his partner watching him.

"Thanks, Ben," Ray said, his voice nearly free of the traces of alcohol. Ben wondered if it had been the shock or the sudden pain that had sobered him, and how long it would last before he was floating on a wave of warm numbness again.

"It was my pleasure, Ray. Are you sure you wouldn't like to talk about.anything?"

Ray shook his head slowly, as though even that much movement was too much for him. "What's the point? I mean my whole life is one big failure, I screwed up with Stella and now I'm living some other guy's life. Not much good talking about it."

"Your life is far from a failure, Ray," Ben said, his voice low and determined as he held his partner's gaze. He'd been painfully aware of how close they were in the tiny bathroom since he began bandaging his friend's hand, but now Ray was looking at him with a mixture of vulnerability and need that made Ben's heart lodge in his throat. "You're still Ray Kowalski, this is still your life. Regardless of the name on your paperwork."

Ray almost smiled then, a half-hearted attempt at a grin that made Ben's chest tighten and his hands move of their own accord. Before he knew it he was gripping Ray's undamaged hand in his, his thumb caressing the smaller man's knuckles as he waited for Ray to say something. Anything would break the spell, just one word from Ray and Ben would be able to get up off his knees, pull himself together and go back to the Consulate before he did something he wouldn't be able to take back. Only Ray still wasn't saying anything, and his fingers tightened around Ben's as he leaned forward.

Alarms were going off in Ben's head even as he leaned up to meet the other man, every voice in his mind shouting that this was bad, this was wrong and Ray was too drunk to know what he was doing. Then he felt soft, warm lips brushing his and his brain shut down completely, his free hand coming to rest on Ray's shoulder as he parted his lips to allow Ray's tongue access to
his mouth. He registered the sound of a low moan but he wasn't sure if it came from his throat or Ray's; the only thing he could be sure of was that his partner was kissing him, thoroughly and with a determination that he hadn't seen from Ray all evening. When they finally broke apart, gasping for breath and both of them flushed from the temperature in the room, Ben looked up to find Ray still watching him guardedly. He had no idea what he must look like but obviously his expression wasn't the one Ray had been hoping for, because his partner sighed heavily and pulled his hand out of Ben's.

"Shit, Frase, I'm sorry," he muttered, his gaze dropping to Ben's chest so he wouldn't have to watch the other man talk his way out of the uncomfortable situation Ray had put him in. "Chalk that up to another thing I've screwed up. Guess ya shoulda let me go drinking alone after all, huh?"

"Ray," Ben said, hating himself for the impassive expression he never seemed quite able to shake regardless of the way he felt at any given moment. Years of carefully controlling his emotions had taken their toll on him, so much so that he'd gotten to a point where he had trouble showing how he felt even when he wanted to. "Ray. Ray. Look at me."

Perhaps not the best suggestion given the circumstances, but Ray looked up obediently. His own expression was a grim mask, as though he was just waiting for Ben to walk away and leave him to his misery. Ben sighed as he realized that his hand was still resting on Ray's shoulder, and he pulled it away reluctantly so his partner could escape if he needed to. The last thing he wanted to make Ray think was that he regretted kissing him, that was the furthest thing from the truth. Still, the fact remained that Ray was not only drunk, but nursing a broken heart over his ex-wife. Certainly not the best circumstances under which to start a relationship, if indeed that was what Ray had been doing. It was possible he was just looking for comfort, and as much as Ben loved the man sitting in front of him he had to protect his own heart.

"You've had a lot to drink tonight, Ray," he said slowly. "It's been a trying day at best and I'm sure when you wake up in the morning."

"Save the speech, Frase," Ray interrupted him, pushing himself into a standing position and doing his best to work his way around the man blocking his path out of the bathroom. "I said I was sorry, I wasn't planning to jump ya just because ya took me home. I wasn't planning to do anything, I know better. But now ya know, so just tell Thatcher or Welsh or whoever that ya can't work with me anymore and the problem's solved."

Ben waited until Ray finished speaking to stand up and follow him out of the bathroom, his heart pounding too hard against his chest as he wondered what exactly Ray was saying. He couldn't mean that he'd been nursing feelings for Ben, not when he'd spent the night drowning his sorrows over Stella. Still, he'd said 'I know better' as though he'd given this thought.as though that kiss hadn't been entirely spontaneous. "Ray," Ben began again, following his partner into his bedroom before he could stop himself. "I have no intention of seeking reassignment."

Ray shot a glare over his shoulder as he sank to the edge of his mattress and started working on pulling his boots off. "Figures," he muttered, scowling at the stubborn leather as his boots refused to cooperate with him. "Ya just hafta play the martyr, don't ya, Frase? Can't even let me drink in peace, ya hafta tag along to save me from myself. Jesus, if yer so convinced I'm gonna self-destruct then why don't ya just let me do it and get it over with?"

When Ray looked up again it was to find Ben kneeling in front of him for the second time that night, strong hands working the leather boots off his thighs. For once Ben's expression didn't hide what he was feeling, his eyes shining with all the hurt Ray's words had inflicted. "I wasn't aware my company was so unwelcome," Ben said quietly. "You could have told me you preferred to be alone, Ray. Rest assured it won't happen again."

Ben sat back on his heels when the second boot was on the floor next to Ray's bed, holding his partner's gaze for a long moment before he started to stand up. As soon as he realized Ben was leaving Ray reached out, catching the other man by the wrist and holding him in place. "Wait.just wait a second. I'm sorry, Frase, I'm being a bastard because I'm mad at myself. It's not yer fault I can't hold my liquor. I shoulda known ya wouldn't blow me off if I told ya how I feel. Can we just forget about it and go back to being partners?"

"How do you feel, Ray?" Ben's voice was smaller than Ray had ever heard it, wavering slightly on Ray's name as he sank back to his knees again. He pulled his wrist carefully out of Ray's grip and let his hands fall to Ray's thighs, his dark eyes seeking out the other man's gaze.

Ray wore the stunned expression of an animal that had been backed into a corner, but as soon as Ben began stroking his fingers slowly over the denim covering Ray's thighs the other man relaxed a little and his breathing began to change. "I've been wanting to kiss ya for awhile, Ben," Ray whispered, his voice so low Ben had to lean closer to hear it. "Didn't think it would
go over that well, though, so I kept my lips to myself. Well, until tonight that is."

An amused grin turned up the corners of Ben's mouth as he leaned forward again, pressing his lips to Ray's for the second time that night. He took his time this time, paying attention to the taste of whiskey and beer mingled with peppermint and a taste that was distinctly Ray. He swallowed a groan as Ray's tongue slid against his, resisting the urge to push the smaller man back against the mattress and show him all the things he'd been wanting to do for as long as he could remember. Instead he pulled back and smiled, bringing one hand up to caress Ray's cheek. "Bed, Ray."

"Already there, Frase. Care to join me?" Ray asked, a mischievous grin chasing all traces of sadness out of Ray's blue eyes.

"Certainly, Ray," Ben answered, standing up as he began working on the hooks and buttons on his uniform. Ray leaned back on his elbows and watched the other man, his pupils dilating as he let his eyes wander over Ben's body. Ben smiled to himself as he took his time undressing, watching Ray struggle to keep his eyes open. When he was down to his Henley and a pair of boxers he crossed back to the mattress, reaching for the fly of Ray's jeans and working the denim off his partner's legs.

"Pushy," Ray murmured, his lips still curved into a grin as he fell back against the mattress and closed his eyes.

"Sleep, Ray," Ben said, taking the other man's hands and pulling him off the mattress so he could turn down the covers. "You need to sleep."

"Don't wanna sleep," Ray protested, but it was all he could do to get his eyelids to cooperate long enough to blink at his partner.

Ben smiled at the picture Ray presented, his hair impossibly rumpled and his eyelids heavy as he fought to stay awake. He eased the smaller man back onto his mattress, sliding between the sheets next to him and drawing the sinewy frame against him. Ray sighed as strong arms wrapped around his waist and a broad chest pressed into his back, warm lips brushing his neck as Ben settled against him. He gave one last feeble attempt to get his body to cooperate with him, but his limbs were too heavy and no matter how much he wanted to he couldn't wake up enough to convince Ben to cooperate with him. "Goodnight, Ray," Ben murmured into his hair, and Ray mumbled something incoherent in response. It didn't really matter if he couldn't act on any of his feelings for his partner tonight, Ben was wrapped around him and he wasn't going anywhere, and that was what mattered. There would be plenty of time for exploring this new aspect of their friendship when they woke up. Tomorrow was their day off, after all.

END