(Note: Not only does this story concern a first time experience for one of the characters, it was the first slash story I wrote.)

Title: A Most Willing Student

Author/pseudonym: Cathy Roberts

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: John Carter/Peter Benton

Date Posted: May 4, 2001

Archive : Please ask first

Category: "E.R."

Disclaimer: "ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure.

Summary: A story set in Season 5.

As always, my deepest thanks to Melissa, my editor.

A Most Willing Student

By Cathy Roberts

Peter Benton's Elevator Ride:

The doors to the elevator were beginning to close when Benton heard someone call out for him to hold the elevator. He stopped the doors with his arm and they opened back up just as Carter reached them.

"Thanks." Carter was slightly out of breath as he entered the elevator.

"No problem. What floor?"

"Four."

Benton pushed that button, then re-pushed the button for the surgical floor.

"So, how have you been?" Benton hoped he sounded disinterested in finding out the answer. He didn't want Carter to get the idea that he actually cared about how he was doing.

"Pretty good. How's Lucy working out?"

After she had completed her E.R. rotation, Lucy Knight had begun a surgical rotation with Benton. Benton smiled, "Not too badly. I am getting a little tired of hearing 'Dr. Carter this' and 'Dr. Carter that'. She can do the basic procedures, so that's a big help."

"I'm glad she's doing okay. She couldn't do a thing when she started her E.R. rotation."

"Students seem to have that problem. If I remember correctly, you couldn't do an I.V. when you started your surgical rotation."

Before Carter could reply the elevator shuddered, then came to a lurching halt, throwing both men off balance and into the walls. Carter cursed softly as he rubbed his left shoulder.

"Did you injure your shoulder again?" Benton stepped up to him and gently touched the shoulder in question.

"No. It's okay."

"You're sure?" Benton asked, probing Carter's shoulder. "Once a joint has been dislocated, it has a tendency to dislocate easily."

"I'm fine. I wonder what happened with the elevator? It can't be a power failure because the lights are still on."

"I'm sure they'll have us moving again in no time." Benton took a step back, almost reluctant to break physical contact with Carter. But he knew that if he didn't step back that he would be testing the limits of his self-control.

"I hope you weren't urgently needed in surgery," Carter said.

Benton shook his head, "What about you? Were you in a hurry to get to the maternity ward?"

"No. I had a patient this morning that went into premature labor. We couldn't stop it in the E.R. so we sent her up to Labor and Delivery. I just wanted to see if she was okay and find out if she did have the baby."

Without warning the elevator jerked upward, then dropped a few feet. Benton was thrown forward against Carter, his body pinning the younger man to the wall.

"Are you okay?" Benton asked, afraid that he might have hurt Carter.

"I'm fine. What about you? Are you okay?" Carter was concerned because Benton wasn't trying to move away from him.

"No. I mean, yeah, I'm fine." Benton could feel the warmth of Carter's body against his own and he had to fight the urge to bend his head ever so slightly and kiss Carter. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Are you sure?"

Benton opened his eyes again only to find that Carter was staring at him, his eyes looked worried. Carter reached up and grabbed Benton by his upper arms. "Let me help you."

Benton pulled out of Carter's grasp. "I said I was fine." He walked to the other side of the elevator, determined not to look back at Carter. Knowing that he would see a hurt look on that face. He couldn't bear that.

"Sorry," Carter softly said.

"Forget it," Benton snapped, shoving his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. He hoped the coat was covering him well enough to hide the fact that he was hard. Over the past years he had put a lot of effort into hiding the fact that he cared about Carter. That he wanted John Carter. John Carter was the reason his relationships never worked out. It didn't matter who the woman was: Jeannie, Carla, Elizabeth. After a while of being with either of them, he soon found himself fantasizing that it was Carter who he was kissing. That it was Carter in bed with him. He clenched his fists tightly, relishing the pain as his fingernails dug into his flesh, looking for some distraction to keep him from going in that direction. A distraction that would keep him from doing something stupid. Like walking back over to Carter and kissing him. 'You better get that image out of your mind right now,' he told himself. 'Carter will never love you. Carter will never be in your bed. Just forget about it right now.'

"Are you sure that you're okay?"

Benton jumped as he realized that Carter was at his side. The elevator was suddenly way too small for his comfort.

"I said I was fine. Now drop it, Carter," he snapped.

Carter shook his head, frowning. "I don't understand you at all, Dr. Benton. You refuse to allow anyone to be your friend. Aren't you afraid that one day you'll wake up and realize that you're all alone?"

"My personal life is none of your concern, Carter. It never has been and it never will be."

The elevator cam to life again and this time it kept moving.

The two men silently looked at one another until the doors opened.

"I believe this is your floor, Carter," Benton said.

"Yeah." Carter exited the elevator, then turned around and put his hand on the door to prevent it's closing. "If you ever decide that you want a friend, you know where to find me." With that, Carter dropped his hand and the door slid closed.

Benton slumped against the wall. "Oh, Carter. If you only knew how much I wanted you to be not only my friend, but also my lover, you would run screaming in the other direction. I would prefer to die a lonely man than to have you hate me that way. I love you to much to be able to live with that."

The elevator continued its upward trip in silence.

John Carter's Elevator Ride:

Carter only had ten minutes for his break and he wanted to get up to the fourth floor to check on the pregnant patient he had sent up hours earlier. He saw an open elevator and headed for it, then began to sprint as he saw the doors close.

"Can you hold the elevator, please?" he called out. A dark arm stopped the elevator door and Carter's heart lurched as he hoped it was Peter Benton. It had been a day or two since he had seen Benton and he found himself wishing that it was him in the elevator. Just him and no one else.

"Thanks." Carter was slightly out of breath as he entered the elevator. 'Yes,' he thought, 'We're all alone.'

"No problem. What floor?"

"Four."

Benton pushed that button, then re-pushed the button for the surgical floor.

"So, how have you been?" Benton asked him, the tone of his voice telling Carter that he had asked because it was expected and not because he cared. Some things never changed.

"Pretty good. How's Lucy working out?"

Benton smiled, "Not too badly. I am getting a little tired of hearing 'Dr. Carter this' and 'Dr. Carter that'. She can do the basic procedures, so that's a big help."

"I'm glad she's doing okay. She couldn't do a thing when she started her E.R. rotation."

"Students seem to have that problem. If I remember correctly, you couldn't do an I.V. when you started your surgical rotation."

Before Carter could reply the elevator shuddered, then came to a lurching halt, throwing both men off balance and into the walls. Carter cursed softly as he rubbed his left shoulder. Why did dumb, stupid things always seem to happen to him? And why did this have to happen in front of Benton?

"Did you injure your shoulder again?" Benton stepped up to him and gently touched the shoulder in question.

"No. It's okay." As much as Carter wanted Benton to touch him, he also wanted to avoid having Benton touch him. He remembered the night he had dislocated his shoulder and how pleased he had been to see Benton in the surgical locker room. He had wanted so much for Benton to touch him, to examine his shoulder with his big, but still gentle hands. How much he had wanted Benton to kiss his shoulder and make it all better.

"You're sure?" Benton asked, probing Carter's shoulder. "Once a joint has been dislocated, it has a tendency to dislocate easily."

"I'm fine. I wonder what happened with the elevator? It can't be a power failure because the lights are still on."

"I'm sure they'll have us moving again in no time." Benton stepped away from him.

"I hope you weren't urgently needed in surgery," Carter said as he turned his body slightly, hoping that Benton wouldn't notice the steadily growing bulge in his pants.

Benton shook his head, "What about you? Were you in a hurry to get to the maternity ward?"

"No. I had a patient this morning that went into premature labor. We couldn't stop it in the E.R. so we sent her up to Labor and Delivery. I just wanted to see if she was okay and find out if she did have the baby." Talking about work helped to make his erection subside. He might actually get through the elevator ride without embarrassing himself.

Without warning the elevator jerked upward, then dropped a few feet. Benton was thrown forward against Carter, his body pinning the younger man to the wall.

"Are you okay?" Benton asked.

"I'm fine. What about you? Are you okay?" Oh yeah, he was fine all right. Benton had him pressed up against the wall and his body was responding to that full force. He was sure that Benton would be able to feel his erection. There was no way he could miss it, could he?

"No. I mean, yeah, I'm fine." Benton answered, then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Benton's face, his lips, were only inches away. Carter thought of how easy it would be to kiss those lips. He knew that once he did that, he would never want to stop. Then his medical training slapped him upside the head. Maybe Benton was injured in some way and that was why he wasn't moving?

"Are you sure?"

Benton opened his eyes again, his dark eyes looked at him intently. Convinced that Benton was in pain, Carter reached up and grabbed Benton by his upper arms. "Let me help you."

Benton pulled out of Carter's grasp. "I said I was fine." He walked to the other side of the elevator. Carter looked down at the floor, knowing that he had screwed up one more time.

"Sorry," Carter softly said.

"Forget it," Benton snapped, shoving his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. Carter could sense the tension in the air and Benton's body language told Carter that Benton was upset with him. Was it because he had felt Carter's erection and was angry? Maybe he hated him now and didn't want Carter to touch him at all. Still, if Benton was hurt, then he was the only one available right now who could help him. Carter slowly approached him and asked, "Are you sure that you're okay?"

Benton jumped and snapped at him, "I said I was fine. Now drop it, Carter."

Carter shook his head, frowning, "I don't understand you at all, Dr. Benton. You refuse to allow anyone to be your friend. Aren't you afraid that one day you'll wake up and realize that you're all alone?" Carter was so afraid that one day he would be alone. Every woman he had ever cared about had ended up dumping him and the only man he had ever been attracted to didn't care if he lived or died.

"My personal life is none of your concern, Carter. It never has been and it never will be."

Carter hated hearing that. As usual, Benton had slammed a door in his face.

The elevator cam to life again and this time it kept moving.

The two men silently looked at one another until the doors opened.

"I believe this is your floor, Carter," Benton said.

"Yeah." Carter exited the elevator, then turned around and put his hand on the door to prevent it's closing. "If you ever decide that you want a friend, you know where to find me." With that, Carter dropped his hand and the door slid closed. Maybe someday Benton would look at him in friendship. Even though Carter so desperately wanted Benton to look at him with something more in those eyes, he would settle for friendship. He would settle for anything besides that look that made him feel as if he were barely being tolerated.

Maybe someday.

PART 1

After his encounter with Peter Benton in the erratic elevator, John Carter's day had gotten progressively worse. He had been pushed into a wall, kicked in the ankle and cursed at. When his shift ended he had a headache and he escaped to the roof for some much needed fresh air. He had spent nearly an hour on the roof and was finally feeling human again. The elevator doors opened and he stepped onto the elevator and pushed the button for the ground floor. As the doors closed, he noticed that he was on the defective elevator. Hopefully, he would get back to the E. R. and his locker in one piece.

The ride was smooth and quick until it came to a stop on the surgical floor. John bit back a groan when he saw who was waiting.

Peter entered the elevator and pushed the button for the ground floor. He seemed to be as determined to avoid talking to John as John was to avoid talking to him. John didn't think he could stand riding down that many floors with Peter, so he reached out and pushed the button for the fourth floor. He would check on that patient from this morning. When he had seen her earlier, she had not yet had her baby, but she wasn't out of the woods yet.

John kept his eyes locked on the numerical display above the doors. He breathed a sigh of relief as the elevator passed the fifth floor. A few seconds more and he would be out of there. He stepped up to the doors, eager to make his escape. Once more, the elevator lived up to its reputation as it screeched to a stop, throwing him to the side and right into Peter's arms. Both men fell to the floor, their arms and legs tangled together. The elevator cables made a grinding sound and then fell silent.

"I don't think it's going to start up again." John said as he reluctantly disengaged himself from Peter's arms.

"I think you might be right about that." Peter got to his feet and reached down to help John to his feet. As John stood, a sharp pain shot through his right ankle; the same ankle that had been kicked earlier.

"Damn!" John immediately sat down on the floor and Peter knelt in front of him. "Is it broken?"

Peter gently removed John's shoe and sock, then carefully examined the ankle. "I don't think so. Does it hurt when I do this?"

"No."

"Good. Can you flex your foot?"

John's attempt resulted in pain. Peter wrapped his hand firmly around the injured ankle, holding it completely still. "I guess the answer to that is no."

John grimaced, "Seems that way."

"Well, maybe this will help." Peter began to slowly massage the ankle in the hope that increased blood circulation would help.

"Is it feeling any better?" Peter looked up at John, surprised to see that John's eyes were tightly closed and he had a pained expression on his face. He immediately stopped what he was doing. "I'm sorry. You should have told me I was hurting you."

"It wouldn't matter, would it?" John snapped, very out of sorts. He had liked what Peter was doing. It had felt good and his mind found it way too easy to imagine Peter massaging a different part of his body. He had a raging hard-on that he knew Peter would notice, then Peter would get defensive and he would end up embarrassed. He would never be able to face Peter again, he just knew it.

"Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Peter asked, feeling hurt and a little angry that John would snap at him. John was so mild mannered that Peter could count on one hand the number of times John had ever snapped back at him.

John looked up at him, "You have never cared whether or not you hurt me, so you can just quit pretending to be a concerned friend."

"You are so wrong about that, Carter. If you only knew...forget it. If you don't want my help, then just forget it." Peter stood and went to the other side of the elevator. As he leaned against the wall, he could feel John's eyes upon him. Maybe he should just go on and tell John the truth. The whole entire, sordid truth. Get it out into the open. Lose John's respect forever. John Carter had been the best student he had ever had and he had treated John like he didn't exist. Lucy Knight had told him just an hour ago that Carter felt Peter was one of the best surgeons and teachers in the hospital. After all that he had put John through, the horrible way he had treated him through the years, John still sang his praises.

"You're correct when you say I pretend, Carter. Where you're wrong is what I pretend about. Ever since the day I met you I've had to pretend to not like you. I tried everything I knew to keep you at arm's distance from me."

"I don't understand. Are you saying that none of that was real? It certainly felt real enough to me when you told me I had no business being a surgeon. It felt real enough to me when you told me that you had never cared what I did or didn't do."

"It hurt me to tell you that."

"Yeah, I noticed that right away."

Peter winced as the heavy sarcasm hit home. Well, in for a pound, in for a dollar, as his mother always used to say. God, what would his mother say if she was here to hear him now? "Carter, do you think you could keep quiet long enough for me to explain things to you?" Peter watched as John used the rail to pull himself upright.

"Fine. Explain things to me, Dr. Benton."

"I have wanted you from the very moment I saw you standing in front of the admit desk. You were so young and naïve, standing there looking lost, dressed in a tailored lab coat. I wanted to walk up to you and rip that coat and the rest of your clothing off your body and take you right there and then. I rushed you through the Emergency Room tour because I was afraid that if I slowed down in any of the rooms that I just might kiss you. That would have been one hell of a way to begin your surgical rotation, wouldn't it? And yes, I tried to push you out of surgery when I began to realize that I was falling in love with you. So, there you have it, Carter. I love you and I want you just as much today as I did the first day I saw you. Maybe even more. For three years I suffered while you were my student, wanting you and loving you and knowing I could never have you."

There, he had done it. Confessed all of it to John. Peter looked at John, noting the shocked look on his face and the scared look in his eyes. "Christ," he thought, "he probably thinks I'm going to rape him now." He tensed as John limped over to his side of the elevator, thinking that John was going to hit him. Well, he deserved it.

John came to a stop mere inches from Peter's body. His mind was still processing all that Peter had said, but seven words were etched firmly in John's brain: "I love you and I want you." How often had he fantasized about hearing Peter say that to him?

"Well?" Peter finally asked. If John was going to hit him, why didn't he just go on and do it, get it over with?

"I'm not your student any more."

Peter blinked, "I know that."

"Then what's stopping you from having me?" John smiled and Peter felt his heart melt even as he disbelieved what his ears were hearing.

"Are you saying that..."

John took Peter's hand and placed it against his erection. With a moan, Peter realized exactly what John was saying. He let out another moan as the elevator slowly began to move. It was just as well. If he even as much as kissed him right now, then there would be no stopping him from doing everything else he had wanted to do with him.

"If we get off on the fourth floor, we can take the stairs and won't have to worry about being stranded in here again." John said.

"You had better be off work."

"I am. What about you?"

"I was heading home. I'm parked near the elevators on the second level of the garage. Get your things and meet me there. You're coming home with me."

"Dr. Benton, I've..."

"Peter. My name is Peter."

John blushed and continued, "Peter, I've never been with another man. Hell, I've never wanted another man until I got to know you. I don't want to disappoint you."

"John, there is no way that you will ever disappoint me. Trust me."

"I guess I'll have to."

The doors opened and they got out on the fourth floor. Peter helped him down the stairs, then headed for his car while John went to get his things from the locker room in the E.R. Peter stowed his stuff in the backseat, then leaned against the side of the car to wait for John. He couldn't quite believe the way things were turning out. One minute he was thinking that John Carter hated him and the next thing he knew he had felt how much John cared about him. He grinned as he imagined what John would look like without his clothing. He thought of how he would pay meticulous attention to every inch of that body. His grin faded as he realized that once more he had been thrown into the role of being John's teacher. He himself had only been with a few men in his life; it wasn't a lifestyle he embraced, so his experience wasn't all that great. The last time he had been with another man had been when he was twenty years old. Quite a long time ago. And now he had the responsibility of finding out what would feel good to John and teaching John how to do the things that felt good to him. His grin returned as he thought about that. This would be a student-teacher relationship that he was eager to explore.

"Is that smile for me?"

Peter hadn't even noticed John approaching him. "Yeah, it's because of you. Get in and let's go."

John opened the passenger door and threw his bag on the back seat, then got in and put his seatbelt on as Peter did the same. Peter had to try really hard to keep to the posted speed limit on the way home. He wanted to be there already. It was an exquisite agony to be sitting inches away from John and know that John wanted him just as much as he wanted John. Peter felt really proud of the fact that he was able to keep his hands off John for the entire drive in the car and for the elevator ride to his apartment, and for the walk down the hallway. He even let John get all the way into the apartment before he took the bag from him and flung it into the corner, then pulled John close and tenderly kissed him on the lips. He was a little shaken when John pushed against his chest, putting more space between them.

His face flushed, John stared at the floor, his hands still firmly planted on Peter's chest.

"You don't really want to do this, do you?" Peter softly asked.

John's head jerked up, "I do. I want to be with you. But, I've never kissed a man on the lips before. The way you just kissed me, well, it felt so right. So natural. I suddenly realized that I don't have the first clue about what to do."

"I'm not the most experienced person with this, but I can tell you this much; just do what feels good to you. You've kissed women before, right?"

John nodded.

"And they've kissed you. You know how they reacted when you kissed them and you know how you felt when they kissed you. You know what you like. Shit, this is going to drive me crazy, but I think we should take this slow. Very slow. We'll start with kissing."

Peter grabbed John's wrists and brought the younger man's hands up to his lips, then began to slowly and tenderly kiss each finger. As he turned John's hands over to give attention to the palms, he could hear the change in John's breathing. Peter lingered over the right palm, encircling the palm with his tongue before planting a kiss in the middle. Then Peter repeated the process with John's left hand. Afterward, he let go of John's hands and stood still, waiting.

John swallowed nervously, knowing that Peter was expecting to be kissed now. How in the Hell was he supposed to remember how he kissed women when it was Peter standing there in front of him, his erection pressing against his pants, telling John that he wanted him a lot.

"I showed you how to do it, John, now all you have to do is copy what I did. You've always been a quick learner." Peter smiled encouragingly.

John stepped closer to Peter and his hands bracketed Peter's face, holding his head still while John's lips connected with Peter's. The kiss was soft and tender and he caught Peter's lower lip with his lips, gently sucking on it as he pulled away. Peter closed his eyes as his mind went over the various scenarios that kiss had promised. He could feel John's lips on his chin, his cheeks, his neck; small butterfly kisses that teased and tickled.

"Was that okay?" John asked, his voice sounding unsure.

Peter nodded, then found his voice, "That was very nice. I'm feeling very jealous about the women who have been with you."

"Jealous because you wanted to be them or jealous because they had me?" John grinned.

Peter grinned back, "Both. I think we should take this into the bedroom." Peter saw John tense at the word and he reached out and tenderly stroked John's cheek, "Relax. I said that we'd go slowly, and we will. I just had the idea that I could get you used to having your body touched and kissed by another man."

"How would you do that?"

"I was thinking along the lines of stripping you and then having my way with you until you scream."

"And that's your definition of slow?"

Peter grinned, "It is when all I'll be doing is touching and kissing you."

"Until I scream?"

"Yeah. Who knows? This might take all night."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that." With a totally wicked smile, John reached out and stroked Peter's erection through his pants, pressing his hand firmly against it and making Peter moan. "You just might be the one doing the screaming."

"I guess we'll just have to see who screams first, won't we?" Peter stepped around John and headed for the bedroom, stopping in the doorway. "Lock the door and come here."

John made sure that all the locks were secure before he walked to where Peter waited. Peter turned his body sideways to allow John to precede him into the room, then he closed the door, thinking that John would appreciate the extra feeling of privacy that a closed door would provide.

John stood by the bed, watching Peter and waiting to see what Peter wanted him to do next. It was strangely exciting, taking orders from Peter Benton once again. Especially since these orders were resulting in his own pleasure.

Peter leaned back against the door, trying to decide what to do next. He knew what he wanted, and that was for John to be completely undressed. His indecisiveness lay in the mechanics of getting him that way. He could slowly undress him, not allowing John to help at all. That had long been a fantasy of his. But another fantasy involved watching while John disrobed for him, removing the items of clothing that Peter told him to remove.

Peter stood there for such a long time that John began to feel uneasy. He cleared his throat, "Is something wrong?"

"No. I just can't make up my mind on how I want you to undress."

John laughed, even though he could see that Peter was serious about the topic.

"It's not that funny, Carter."

Uh, oh. Peter had called him Carter. That meant he wasn't amused by the situation. "Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Is this going to be one-night stand kind of thing, or do you plan on us doing this often?"

"I don't want it to be a one-night stand, John. I've waited five years for you and I plan to love you a lot. A whole lot."

"Then there will be other times when I'll be getting undressed in front of you, so what difference does it make which method you choose now?"

"You're right. It doesn't really matter. Okay, slip out of your shoes, then take your socks off."

Keeping his eyes on Peter, John kicked off his shoes, then quickly shed his socks. straightening, he asked, "What next?"

"Well, first, I want you to stay silent. Understand?"

John nodded.

"Take off your shirt."

John slowly loosened his tie, then pulled it from around his neck and tossed it to the floor by his shoes. Then he slid the straps from his suspenders off his shoulders, then he undid the buttons at each wrist. He then pulled his shirttail out from his pants and began to unbutton the shirt, beginning at the top. The entire time, Peter's gaze never left his body, but John did notice that Peter's eyes had darkened and his breathing had become quicker. Hell, his had too. His shirt joined his tie.

"Now remove your pants and undershorts together," Peter's voice was husky with passion and he wasn't entirely sure that he was going to be able to play with John Carter at his ease; unless he did something to gain release first. But, part of his plan had been to remain fully dressed while he introduced John to the pleasure of being loved by another man. He briefly closed his eyes as John's pants and shorts dropped off his slim hips and John's fully erect penis sprang free, pointing directly at him.

John stepped out of his clothes and kicked them to the side. He wondered if Peter was as hard under his clothing as he was. He hoped so.

"Turn around. Slowly. I want to see all of you."

John did as instructed and when he was once more facing Peter, he discovered that Peter had taken the opportunity to move closer to him. Placing one hand behind John's neck, Peter pulled his face closer and he kissed John, his tongue pushing at John's lips until John opened them and allowed him access to his mouth. Peter had to make himself slow down to slowly explore the inside of that mouth and he was totally unprepared when John captured his tongue and began to eagerly suck on it, giving him a hint of what might happen later.

Peter pulled away, "Lay down on the bed on your back."

John sat down on the edge of the bed, then reclined back, not sure about what Peter intended, but trusting that Peter would not physically harm him or do anything to humiliate him. He felt a soft kiss on the skin just above the knee of his right leg. Other kisses followed as Peter made his way up that thigh. When Peter was level with John's groin, he slowly licked a circle upon John's hip, never touching his penis. Then he moved down and repeated the process on John's left thigh, again, ending at the hip.

Peter then straddled John's body and he bent over to kiss the right side of John's waist while he caressed the left side with his hand. His mouth and hands slowly moved upward, until he reached John's nipples. He attacked them both at the same time, rolling each one between thumb and forefinger, making them harden even more, although Peter wasn't really sure how that was possible. He looked up at John's face to see if he liked what was happening. John's eyes were closed, but the look on his face assured Peter that John was feeling pretty good right about now. Still, it wouldn't hurt to ask if this felt good.

"Do you like this, John?"

John only nodded.

"Don't be afraid to tell me when you like or don't like something I do."

"You told me not to talk," John's voice was thick with passion.

Peter grinned, "I did, didn't I? But, I meant for you not to talk while you were undressing. You can talk now."

"Okay. Yes. I like this. You aren't stopping now, are you?"

Again, Peter grinned. John sounded very anxious about that possibility. "No, baby, I'm not stopping now. I've only just begun." With that, he lowered his head and took a nipple into his mouth, sucking hard; teasing it with his teeth. He felt John's body tense underneath him and heard the sharp intake of breath. Then he gave the other nipple equal attention before he began to kiss and caress his way back down John's body.

As he reached John's groin, he smiled as he saw how hard his student had become. The tip of John's penis glistened and Peter slowly rubbed his thumb across the tip, taking in every detail of John's circumcised organ. So unlike his own, except for the fact that both were throbbing with desire. The crotch of his pants was soaked from his own pre-cum as well as John's, but he didn't mind. It showed him just how excited they both were right now. He ran a finger up and down John's rigid shaft, delighted as John shivered and moaned. He began to massage John's balls while he grabbed the base of John's penis with his free hand, then dropped a kiss just below the head of his penis before placing his mouth a little lower and slowly sucking on the taut skin.

"Oh, sweet...Peter," John whispered. He had often been the recipient of oral sex, but it had never felt like this. What Peter was doing to him, had already done to him, was so much more intense than anything a woman had ever done. For John, that was a pretty important discovery, because the women he had been with since medical school had not been bad at all. They had been caring and inventive and most appreciative of what he did to them with his mouth, hands and penis. They often wanted to give him as much pleasure as he had given them. Just as he now wanted to please Peter so much. He knew that Peter was delaying his own gratification while teaching him how good it felt to have his body kissed and touched. That knowledge made him feel slightly guilty, but he also felt very special and loved because Peter cared enough to want him to enjoy it all. Peter's mouth felt so good on him and when that mouth disappeared, John cried out, "No!"

"I'm not done yet, baby. I need to get a condom."

John watched as Peter reached into the drawer of his nightstand and removed a condom from a box. A smile played around his lips as he realized just how much he liked hearing Peter call him "baby". It was a Hell of a lot better than Carter, that was for sure.

Peter quickly put the condom on John's penis, then he took it into his mouth again, this time he hungrily sucked and stroked, wanting to bring John to orgasm. Wanting to find out if John was a screamer or if he was silent at that moment. It didn't take long for him to get his answer. With a soft gasp of pleasure, John's hips bucked and he came, ejaculating over and over again into the condom. Peter wished there wasn't a need for a condom, he wanted to taste John and he wanted to have John taste him. After he was sure that John was completely done, Peter carefully removed the condom and he walked out to the bathroom to throw it away. When he returned to his bedroom, John was laying exactly as he had left him. Peter lay down on the bed beside him and propped himself up on one elbow. With his free hand, he traced patterns on John's smooth chest.

"Tired?" Peter asked.

"Why? Are you not done with me yet?"

Peter grinned, "Well, I was thinking that it was time for you to show me what you learned tonight."

A smile slowly appeared on John's face and he rolled over to his side to face Peter. "I think I'm recovered enough to do that."

"Are you sure? I don't want any half-hearted attempts on your part."

"I can assure you that nothing I ever do in a bed is half-hearted, Peter. I always give it my best."

"I'll just bet that you do."

Without warning, Peter found himself on his back, with John straddling his hips. John began to unbutton his shirt, placing a kiss on each inch of exposed skin until he had the shirt open and pushed to the sides. He lowered his head and sucked tenderly on Peter's nipple, then nuzzled his face in the lush matting of hair that covered Peter's chest before paying attention to the other nipple. With each breath he took, John could smell a scent that was uniquely Peter's. He had never paid much attention before to the way that other people smelled, especially other men, but he liked Peter's scent.

"That feels good, John. Real good."

"I'm not done yet, Peter."

John slid down to straddle Peter's legs and began to work at getting Peter's pants off of his body, wanting so much to see the penis that was so clearly outlined against those trousers. Within seconds, Peter's pants and underwear joined John's clothing on the floor. Peter smiled as he watched John tentatively reach out to softly stroke his upright penis. Peter's entire body shuddered as John's lips kissed the spot where the penis and the balls met, then John carefully took his balls into his mouth and sucked them gently. A new sensation thrilled him as a slight vibration emanated from John's mouth and went right through his balls. He could vaguely hear John humming and he realized this was what was causing that wonderful feeling. Peter said a brief thanks to whichever woman it had been who had done that to John - it felt really nice and he didn't want John to stop. The sexual tension of the past hour or so was beginning to take its toll on Peter and he knew that he was close to coming.

"John, put a condom on me."

John looked up at him, but didn't disengage his mouth from Peter's body.

"Now, Carter. I'm not joking." Peter knew that by using 'Carter' instead of 'John' that he would show John he meant what he was saying.

With great reluctance, John sat upright, then reached for the box of condoms. He quickly got it onto Peter's penis, then took him into his mouth, using his mouth and tongue to the best of his abilities to please Peter. He had always heard that uncircumcised men were more sensitive, but he didn't know if it was true or not. Of course, right now wouldn't be a fair gauge of that anyway; he knew that Peter had been steadily hard for a long time. He admired Peter for being able to keep erect this long and also for not giving in and using his hand to bring release to himself. He made good use of his pleasurable memories as he lavished attention on Peter's penis. He could feel Peter's hands stroking his shoulders and the back of his neck before they became entwined in his hair When Peter's hips began to thrust upward, he knew that Peter was nearing orgasm and John began to suck even harder. Suddenly, Peter's fingers clenched even tighter in John's hair as his hips thrust up one last time and Peter cried out his name. John could feel the hot liquid fill the condom and he held tight at the base of the condom to make sure that nothing leaked out. Following Peter's example, he kept sucking until Peter was limp, then he removed the condom and went to throw it away.

When John returned to Peter's bedroom, he found Peter in bed under the covers. Peter smiled at him and pulled the covers back so that he could get into bed with him. They immediately came together in the middle of the bed, arms and legs entwined as they kissed.

"That was really nice, John. I hope that you enjoyed yourself."

"Immensely. When can we do it again?" John grinned.

"Insatiable, aren't you?"

"Maybe. I can't help it if I know a good thing when I see it."

"Me, either. God, I wish I would have let you know a long time ago how I felt."

"Peter, it might not have turned out like this. Don't waste your time with what ifs. I think you should just concentrate on the here and now."

"I think I can do that." Peter's hand reached down between them and encircled John's penis. Much to Peter's delight, it began to harden. "I think I can definitely concentrate on the here and now. How about you?"

"When you do that, I find it very difficult to concentrate on anything."

"How about when I do this?" Peter scrunched down and began to suck on the first nipple he could find. The moans that were coming from John let him know that his lover was unable to talk, let alone concentrate.

"John?"

"Hmm?"

"Tomorrow morning we get tested for every sexually transmitted disease under the sun."

"Yes. Ooh, do that again. Yeah."

"Roll over."

John looked at him, his eyes showing a little fear. "Why?"

"So I can use my hand on you without getting this part of the bed messy. What were you thinking?"

John's face began to redden, "I thought that maybe you wanted to um, be in me."

Peter let go of John's penis and gently stroked his jaw line. "Oh, I do want to be in you, John. But, it won't happen tonight. It probably won't happen tomorrow night either. My plan for tonight worked so well that I think I'll have to keep tutoring you. Tomorrow's lesson will be the pleasure that can be had from having someone play with your ass, to get you used to having something inside you before I even attempt to put my cock in you. When I enter you, I want you to enjoy it, not be afraid of it."

"I want that too."

"Good. Now, roll over."

John rolled over and Peter molded his body behind him, reaching his hand around to grasp his penis again. Peter began to stroke John as he placed kisses on his neck and shoulders, sometimes using his tongue to trace tiny paths on John's skin. After John came, Peter remained behind him, but he pulled John back over to the middle of the bed and after wrapping his arms around him, held him tightly as they fell asleep.

Part 2

Peter awoke with a start, disoriented for only a brief second before he realized he was in his own bed. He reached out for John, but his hands only found an emptiness on the side of the bed where John should be. Had it all been a dream then? No, that side of the bed was still warm, so John had been there.

He could see a soft light from under the door and he realized that John was out in the living room. He got out of bed and pulled on his robe, then walked out to look for John. John was standing by the couch, getting something from his bag.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"No problem. We should probably eat dinner anyway. What time is it?"

"Ten."

"Hungry?" Peter asked as he stepped up behind John and wrapped his arms around him. It was cold in the room and John should have had better sense than to be standing there naked.

"I'm starving. Do you have any food that I might find edible?"

Peter nuzzled John's neck, "I think I might have something you can handle. What's this?" Peter took the prescription bottle out of John's hand. Isoniazid, usually referred to as "INH". The most common drug prescribed for tuberculosis treatment.

"TB?" Peter's stomach tightened with fear as he looked at John.

"I tested positive for being infected with it. My X-rays and other tests came out fine, so I don't have full-blown TB. I just have to take one of these every day for anywhere from six to nine months and the infection will be gone. It's no big deal."

"You're sure that you're all right?"

"I'm fine. Really."

"Well, you won't stay fine for long if you stay out here with no clothes on."

"It's not my fault that you keep your place this cold. Not that it matters anyway, I'm used to it. It's always freezing in my room."

"You should talk to Weaver about that. As your landlord, she has the responsibility of providing you with heat."

"Peter, the thermostat is set at a reasonable temperature. She can't help it if heat rises. I try to look on the bright side, this summer, it will be nice and cool down in the basement."

"Well, it's not summer right now. It's the middle of January and there's snow on the ground. I want you back in bed."

"I thought you were going to feed me."

"I'll bring it to you. Now, get." Peter pushed John in the direction of the bedroom, giving in to the impulse to slap that firm butt.

"Ouch!"

"It didn't hurt that much."

"Oh yeah? Take off that robe and let me slap you on the butt and we'll see how much it hurts you."

"Can't. I have to fix you something to eat before you starve to death. Go get warm in bed. I'll bring your medicine in with your food."

"Yes, Dr. Benton," John replied with a grin.

"Don't get smart with me, John. I just might make you eat tofu."

"Consider me in bed already." John disappeared into the bedroom.

Peter smiled and went to the kitchen to prepare something that both of them would eat. Luckily for John, Carla had put her foot down regarding Reese's diet so Peter had stocked up on some non-vegetarian items. He cut up some cheese and sliced a loaf of French bread, then made open-faced sandwiches and put them under the broiler. While the cheese melted, he cut up some apples and pears, then looked in the refrigerator for something else. If he remembered correctly, John had a huge appetite. He grinned at that, knowing that John's appetite for sex was just as huge as the one he had for food. He saw that he had some ice cream cups left in the freezer and he grabbed those, then checked on the sandwiches. When everything was ready, he put it all on a tray, poured some juice and returned to his bedroom.

John was sitting up in bed, waiting for him. "Hey, that looks good, but what did you fix for yourself?"

"Very funny, John."

"Who said I was joking?" John asked with a smile.

"Then maybe you won't eat until I'm full."

"I think there's plenty there for the both of us, don't you?"

"I think so." Peter put John's juice on the nightstand, then placed the tray in the middle of the bed, taking his juice off of it and putting it on the nightstand on his side of the bed. Then he shed his robe and crawled under the covers. John was already trying to eat one of the sandwiches, despite the fact that it was still too hot to touch.

"You're going to burn yourself, let them cool a little bit."

"Peter, they taste best when they're just out of the oven. The cheese is all melty and gooey. Here." John held the bread out and Peter took a tentative bite. It did burn his mouth slightly, but John was right about how good it tasted.

"Well?" John asked.

"It does taste better when it's fresh from the oven. You need to take your medicine."

"I haven't forgotten about that. It's just that I can't take it now."

"Why not?"

John finished his sandwich, "It has to be taken either one hour before or two hours after eating."

"John, why didn't you say something before?"

"I was going to take it and then come back to bed. But, when you mentioned eating, I realized that I was really hungry. I think I can stay awake for two more hours, or I can just go on and take it now. It won't kill me to take it with a meal once."

"You shouldn't mess with a prescription like that. You were prescribed it for a reason and you should follow the instructions. I don't want you to jeopardize your health."

"I'm not."

"So, how did you find out about it?"

"We did a screening because of all the patients that were seen after I found that woman who had it. So far, I'm the only one who has tested positive, probably because I was standing so close to her."

"What woman?"

"Back when we were treating Corinna Nelson. While Lucy and I were out looking for the girl's father, I ended up finding a woman who had full-blown TB. A lot of her neighbors were infected as well, then there were the ones who just tested positive for infection, like me."

"I see."

"Are you planning to eat the ice cream?"

"Since there are two cups, I thought we could each have one. You should have some fruit first."

"You really are a health nut, aren't you?"

"I think that our bodies are important and shouldn't be sullied by chemicals and other things that are bad for us. There's nothing wrong with a healthy diet. You might want to try one sometime."

"I have no problems with my diet. I eat balanced meals most of the time."

"I don't think huge amounts of caffeine and donuts or bagels constitute a well balanced diet. You could do better."

"Here, have some fruit." John popped a piece of pear into Peter's mouth, hoping that Peter would be so busy chewing that he wouldn't have time to lecture him on nutrition.

Peter chewed quickly while John grinned at him. After he had swallowed the last of the pear, he tossed a ice cream cup at John. "Here, eat it. Eat both of them if it will make you happy."

"Thanks." John happily ripped the lid from the cup, grabbed a spoon and dug in. "I love chocolate ice cream."

"I would have never noticed that if you didn't bother to point it out to me."

"Want some?" John extended the spoon toward Peter, who just shook his head. "Peter, you said before that you wanted some, now I'm more than willing to share. Open up." The spoon was almost to Peter's mouth when John turned it over and the ice cream plopped onto Peter's chest, making him jump. John slowly smiled, "Oops."

"You did that on purpose," Peter smiled back.

"Me? Are you accusing me of deliberately dropping that on you? Why on earth would I do a thing like that?"

"Well, if I stretch my imagination a little, I would say that you did it just so you would have an excuse to lick it off of me."

John's eyes changed to an even darker brown. It was a color that Peter had noticed several times during the evening and he smiled because he knew that John was becoming aroused. John leaned over and slowly licked the ice cream away, lingering long enough to tickle Peter's chest with his tongue.

"Is that what you think I wanted to do?" John looked directly into Peter's eyes, all thoughts of his physical hunger forgotten. All he could think about was the hunger he felt for the man beside him.

Peter nodded, "Exactly. So, why don't you just put the ice cream aside and do what it is you really want to do?"

John put the ice cream and the spoon back on the tray, then moved the tray to the floor. He grabbed Peter's ankles and pulled until Peter was flat upon the bed, then he began to do as Peter suggested. It wasn't that difficult for the two of them to keep themselves occupied for two hours so that John could take his medication.

Peter smiled as John snuggled up to him, stifling a yawn, "Tired?"

John nodded, "A little. I like being here with you."

Peter could feel John's smile against his chest and he sighed, "I like being here with you, too. When do you have to be back to work?"

"I'm off all day tomorrow. What about you?"

"Same here. But, I do have to go with Carla and Reese to see a hearing therapist in the morning. It should only take a few hours. Will you stay here while I'm gone?"

"Peter, if none of this had happened tonight, would you spend more time with Reese tomorrow?"

"I really don't know. I always try to spend as much time with Reese as I can, but there are times when it's easier said than done. I'd still like to know if you'll be here, no matter what time I get home."

"I'll stay. I have to go home to do some laundry and pack some clothes."

"I'll leave you my key then."

"Okay."

Again, Peter could feel his smile. "What's so amusing?"

"I'm just happy, that's all."

"Me, too. But, I'm also sleepy and I have to get up early."

"So go to sleep already."

"I would, but my lover keeps talking to me."

"If I recall correctly, it was you who began this entire conversation."

"Then I suppose I'll have to be the one to end it as well." Peter bent his head slightly and kissed John's forehead. "Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight."

**********

A gentle kiss on his cheek awoke John, and he opened his eyes to find Peter sitting on the side of the bed.

"Morning," John said with a yawn.

"Morning. I won't keep you awake for long. I just wanted to get some of your blood so I can drop it off for testing on my way to pick up Carla and Reese. Stick out your arm."

John stretched his arm out, wincing slightly as he felt a sting when the needle pierced his skin. The vial quickly filled with his blood and Peter removed the needle, then put a small bandage on the puncture site. He leaned over and kissed John on the lips.

"I'll see you later. You can go back to sleep now."

"I hope things go well."

"Thanks."

Peter stood and left the room and John fell back to sleep. When he awoke later in the morning, he was alone. He lay still, trying to see if he could hear any sound at all in the apartment, hoping that Peter had not yet left. But, Peter had said he needed to get up early and it was almost ten. That certainly wasn't early. Convinced that he was truly alone, John got out of bed and quickly dressed. He noticed that Peter had taken the time to remove their dinner debris from last night. Well, the least he could do was change the sheets on the bed. He searched the apartment until he found a linen closet, then made the bed with fresh sheets. Peter had already cleaned the kitchen, so there really wasn't anything else that John could do to help out. He made sure he had Peter's key in his pocket, then he put on his coat, grabbed his bag and headed home.

Peter had not realized that Carla was talking to him until she reached out and touched his arm.

"Peter, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Carla. My mind was just elsewhere."

"I think the therapist will be good for Reese, don't you?"

"She seems to know what she's doing. I'm not sure I'll do well with the sign language class though."

Carla laughed, "You'll do just fine, Peter. I'm looking forward to taking lessons. Are you going to ask Elizabeth if she wants to take lessons too?"

"Why would I do that?"

"The therapist did say that it would be helpful for Reese if all the people who were going to be around him on a regular basis knew ASL."

"I'm not seeing Elizabeth anymore. She broke things off right before Christmas."

"I'm sorry. You never said anything. From the way you looked this morning, I just assumed that...well, never mind what I assumed. You should speak with Jackie about this."

"I will. You don't think it's too cold for Reese out here, do you?"

They were walking through a park, enjoying the fresh air.

Carla shook her head, "No. He seems fine. He likes being outside. So, who are you seeing that made you look so happy this morning?"

"Who said I was happy this morning?"

Carla laughed, "Come on, Peter. I know you at least that well. You were positively glowing when you stopped by to pick us up for the appointment. Is it anyone I know?"

"It's someone you've met, yes." Peter looked away from Carla, not wanting to tell her about John, yet knowing she had the right, as Reese's mother, to know whom he was seeing. "It's someone that I've loved for a long time now. I just never had the courage to admit my feelings."

"You've never been very good at showing your feelings, Peter. I think that Elizabeth had a lot to do with helping you learn to open up. It's not John Carter, is it?"

Peter faced her, "Why would you ask that?"

"Is it?" She looked serious.

Peter nodded, "Yes. It is."

"I had wondered when you were going to get around to admitting how you felt about him," she smiled to let him know that she wasn't upset with him.

"Why would you think it was him?"

"You would whisper his name from time to time while we were making love. I think you even dreamt about him every so often."

"Oh." Peter looked away from her, feeling guilty and wondering if he had ever whispered John's name when he was with anyone else. "Carla, I'm so sorry if I hurt you."

"Peter, you gave me Reese and he's been a most wonderful gift. I knew that there was never any deep love between us, even before I got pregnant. I just hope that you have finally found the love and happiness that you deserve."

"So do I. So, you're cool with this?"

"I don't have a problem with your relationship, but if John Carter is going to be a part of your and Reese's lives, then he should learn ASL."

"I'll mention it to him."

"I was going to ask if you wanted to spend the rest of the day with Reese, but I guess that you have other plans, huh?"

"Yeah, I do. We can take Reese over to the playground. I think he'd like to play for a little while. I don't have to hurry back." Peter tried to not feel too guilty about staying away from home, since he knew that John wasn't going to sit there alone to wait. John had told him he had to do laundry at home. He could spend several hours with his son and probably still get back home before John returned. And that would include the trip to the hospital to pick up the lab results from the blood samples he had dropped off earlier.

Kerry grinned at John as he entered the house. "I was beginning to think that you had found a new place to live."

"No. I wouldn't just up and move out on you, Dr. Weaver."

"I realize that, Carter. I was joking with you."

He grinned back at her, "I knew that. So, aren't you working today?"

"I traded shifts with Mark. I'm meeting with the private detective I told you about."

"The man who is supposed to help you find your birth parents?"

She nodded, "Yes. He has some papers to show me and I need to give him the rest of the information he requested. I hope this works out."

"So do I. Well, I need to get a shower and then I have a lot of laundry to do."

"Okay. He'll be here in a few minutes, so if you hear an extra voice, you'll know who it is."

"Thanks for the warning." He went on downstairs and got ready to take his shower. He made a mental note to pack his shaving kit in case he ended up spending the night with Peter again. He did have to be to work by six in the morning, and he hated the idea of having to catch the El all the back to his place just to shower and shave.

John winced as the droplets of hot water hit his body. He wasn't used to having someone kiss and nip at him the way Peter had done last night and he was a little sore. He also had more than one red mark adorning his body, showing just how complete Peter's attentions had been. He hoped there weren't any hickeys on his neck; that would be more than a little embarrassing. He would have to check on that when he got out of the shower. He smiled as he washed, remembering the tender way that Peter had touched him. He found himself thinking the same thing that Peter had thought last night, "Why couldn't we have admitted this sooner?" Things would certainly have been a lot different, that was for sure. Peter wouldn't have Reese and John wouldn't have had to nurse a broken heart after Anna returned to Philadelphia with her old boyfriend. Life was too full of the "What ifs?", that was for sure. Satisfied that he was as clean as he was going to get, John then quickly washed his hair, then got out of the shower. He wanted to hurry and get his laundry done so that he could be back to Peter's apartment before Peter returned. He was more than anxious to find out what Peter had in store for him tonight. Or maybe even that afternoon. As he dressed, he examined his body in the mirror, but all of the signs of Peter's loving were below the collar line, so he was safe from hospital gossip for now.

Once dressed, he made short work of the laundry, taking chances with mixing some of his colors and hoping that nothing would bleed. He missed being able to afford using the cleaners all the time, but he was getting used to doing his own laundry and hadn't messed anything up in a long time. This time he lucked out and everything turned out okay. Unfortunately, despite the good time he had made with his laundry, it was the beginning of rush hour when he left the house and he had to stand the entire trip on the one that he managed to squeeze onto. In order to get back to Peter's place, John had to change trains, and he barely missed the train that would take him to Peter's. By the time he finally arrived at the apartment, a sullen lover greeted him in the hallway.

"When I gave you my key it was with the assumption that you would be back here first." Peter held out his hand for the key and John gave it to him.

"I'm sorry. I tried to get here but I missed a train connection. Have you been waiting long?" John followed Peter into the apartment and shut and locked the door.

"Ten minutes. Why didn't you drive over here?"

"I don't have a vehicle anymore. I thought you would have heard about that." John dropped his bag on the floor beside the couch, then sat down.

"No. Tell me about it now."

"It was burned the day Lucy and I were looking for Corinna Nelson's father."

Peter sat down on the couch beside him, "It seems to me that a lot of bad things happened to you that day. You were exposed to TB, you dislocated your shoulder, and now you're telling me that you lost your Jeep. Did anything else happen that I should know about?"

John shook his head, "That's about it. But, I think that's more than enough, don't you?"

"More than enough. So, didn't the insurance company cover the loss?"

John nodded, "Oh sure. There was excellent coverage on the Jeep. The only problem is that my grandparents gave the Jeep to me when I graduated from college and they put it in the name of the company for tax purposes or something like that. So, the company got a nice check, but grandfather refuses to give me the money because he feels I was acting irresponsibly the night it was destroyed. He's also still upset with me because I won't give up medicine to work for him."

"That doesn't sound fair."

"My grandparents don't play fair, Peter. My grandmother was donating money to Carol Hathaway's clinic and Carol came to me one day because Gamma had put a stop on one of the checks. Gamma did that to make me come to her so she could attempt to coerce me into working for the company. When I turned her down she made some comment about me enjoying the rewards of the company, meaning my trust fund, but not ever wanting to be responsible to the family or the company. I told her if she felt that way then she could keep the trust fund. She knew I didn't care about the money, but used it anyway to try to get me to do what she wanted. Although, there are some times when I think that she really did want me to give up the trust fund and not give up being a doctor."

"I don't think I like your family very much, John."

John laughed, "Sometimes, I don't think I like us very much either. But, they are the only family I have, so I'm stuck with them. So, how did things go with the therapist?"

"Good. They went well. She's also deaf and it looks as if we'll all benefit from having her teach us sign language. I think it would be a good idea if you also learned it. There is a very real possibility that you'll be around Reese on a regular basis, so you should be able to communicate with him."

John's eyes grew big, "Really? You want me around that much?"

Peter slowly nodded, "I thought I had made it clear to you that I loved you. Yes, I want you around that much, John. I also told Carla about us."

John's cheeks immediately reddened, "You didn't? You couldn't. Please tell me that you didn't?"

"I did. John, I have nothing to be embarrassed about. I love you. As the mother of my child, Carla has the right to know whom I'm involved with, especially if it's going to be a long-term relationship."

"I agree with you about that. It's just...well, it's just embarrassing to know that she knows."

Peter decided that it would be best to avoid embarrassing John even further and not tell him that Carla had already known how he had felt and how it was that she knew.

"She doesn't have a problem with it and she likes you," Peter said.

"I suppose I can learn to live with the fact that she knows." John looked away from Peter and began to pick at a string hanging from the edge of the cushion. "Peter, would you consider right now to be close enough to tonight for us to, um, for you to show me more?"

Peter grinned, "I was just thinking about that very thing. Yes, John. Right now is close enough. Come on. This time, I'm going to take my time undressing you." They went into the bedroom and the next lesson began.

Before Peter could even close the bedroom door, John had begun to unbutton his shirt. Peter stepped up from behind and reached around his body, trapping John's hands.

"I want to do that for you," Peter said.

John let his hands drop to his side as Peter pulled the fabric out from his waistband and continued to unbutton the shirt. As soon as the shirt was open, Peter's hands began to roam over John's belly and chest, caressing and lightly scratching the skin. John leaned back against his lover, feeling Peter's erection against him. With a smile playing over his lips, John reached back and ran his hand up and down the length of Peter's penis.

Peter pulled his body away. "Not so fast, John. I'm the one in charge here right now. Your turn will come later."

"I thought it was my turn to come now," John grinned.

Peter's answer was to move his hands to John's nipples, pinching them both at the same time with the thumb and forefinger of each hand. A warm sensation radiated from John's nipples, flowing down until it centered itself in his groin. His erection was pressed tight against his pants and he wanted Peter to unzip him and give him some release. Peter had other things on his mind. He walked around to stand in front of John, then pulled John toward him and lowered his mouth to John's chest, taking an erect bud into his mouth and sucking hungrily. John grabbed Peter's shoulders, holding him in place. Peter responded by grabbing John's hands again and pulling them down while he switched his attention to the other nipple. Peter finally stepped back and slipped the shirt off John's shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. He ran his fingers along the reddened evidence of their previous lovemaking.

"I think I got a little carried away with you," he murmured.

"It's not so bad."

"I'll try to be a little more careful tonight." Peter unbuckled the belt at John's waist, then undid the button of the fly and slowly unzipped the pants. Hooking the waistbands of John's boxers and pants with his thumbs, Peter slowly sank to his knees, pulling them down at the same time.

Peter sat back on his haunches as he gazed upon John. Reaching out, he lightly caressed the skin on John's inner thighs before moving his hands higher and capturing his penis and scrotum. John gasped as Peter tightly gripped his shaft. This was what he wanted, he thought, then he amended that; what he really wanted was to have Peter's mouth on him.

"Tell me what you're thinking," Peter said, smiling.

John looked down, brown eyes making contact with brown eyes, both pairs even darker than normal due entirely to the presence of the other man. "I want to feel your mouth on me."

"I'd like that." Peter raised up on his knees and began to slowly lick his way up the shaft. "Is this what you had in mind?"

"God, yes," he gasped. "I like that."

"Do you like this?" Peter sucked on the taut skin of the underside of the shaft.

John closed his eyes. Did he like that? What kind of a question was that? Hell, yes, he liked that. He tried to answer Peter, but his lover now had his balls in his mouth and was sucking on them. When John finally felt cool air against them, he looked down to see that Peter was getting ready to take the head of his penis into his mouth.

"Peter, you forgot the condom," John said.

Peter shook his head, "I didn't forget it. We don't need it. We both tested negative for everything."

"Really? For everything?"

"For everything." Peter closed his mouth over the head, sucking softly, then sliding his mouth lower and pressing his tongue firmly against the shaft before he slid his mouth back upward to tease the ridge around the head with his tongue. He swirled his tongue around the head, nipping the ridge with his teeth - hard enough to be felt, but gentle enough not to hurt. He was also busy with his hands. With one hand, he was gently kneading John's balls and with the other, he was lightly caressing John's butt, an action which also helped to hold John in one place. Peter kept playing with John until he felt it was time for John to get his first taste of anal pleasure. As Peter lowered his head as far as he could on John's penis, he managed to get his index finger into his mouth as well and before the spit could dry, he had the finger in place. Sucking hungrily on John, Peter slowly inserted the tip of his finger inside his lover.

John gasped as he felt Peter's finger enter him and he practically whimpered as the finger made contact with his prostate. When he had been dating Liz during his first surgical rotation, she had introduced him to anal penetration. He was surprised that he had forgotten how good it could feel, or maybe he had forced the pleasant memories from his mind because to acknowledge that pleasure would lead him to wonder even more if he would ever get that kind of pleasure from Peter. Well, now he knew the answer to that. With what Peter was doing to him, it was impossible to think, so John finally gave up entirely on that idea and just let himself feel.

Peter could tell that John was getting close to climaxing and he didn't want that happening - yet. He pulled his finger out and once again John made that unusual whimpering sound, followed by a soft "no" as Peter removed his mouth from his penis and stood to kiss him. As their kiss ended, Peter pulled John around and pushed him down on the bed. He then removed John's shoes and socks, then pulled his clothes off.

"Roll over and I'll give you a massage," Peter said.

John rolled onto his stomach and let out a long sigh as Peter straddled his hips and began to knead the muscles at the back of his neck. "That feels really nice."

"I thought it would. You looked tense."

"Fighting the rush hour commuters can do that to a person."

John closed his eyes and relaxed as Peter worked his hands over his back. Despite that fact that this was not a sensual massage, John's erection never abated. If anything, he felt harder than before. He briefly thought about asking Peter to just go on and make him come, but he didn't want to sound as if he was begging for release. If Peter could handle going a long time without relief, then so could he.

"Roll over," Peter's voice was husky as he lifted himself off of John's legs.

John rolled over and Peter straddled his hips once more as he began to softly stroke the front of his body. Peter had to keep telling himself to keep away from the obvious erogenous zones, namely John's nipples and penis. He smiled as the thought occurred to him that previous experience had shown him that every inch of John's body was an erogenous zone for him.

"What's so amusing?" John asked.

"Nothing." Peter shifted lower on John's body and moved his hands to his legs, caressing the muscles of his thighs and legs. "Feeling relaxed?"

"Oh yeah. Very relaxed."

"It looks as if one part of your body wants to make a liar out of you," Peter said as he ran his finger up the length of John's penis.

"That's because you haven't massaged that part yet."

"Is that a fact? I can't believe that I would accidentally miss such an obviously tense body part."

"Well, you did."

"So it seems." Peter tightly grasped the shaft of John's penis and rubbed the tip with his thumb, grinning as that made John moan softly. Without warning, he lowered his mouth upon the swollen organ, sucking greedily.

John grabbed the bedspread with his hands, holding on tightly as Peter attacked him with his mouth. He found himself thrusting upward, wanting even more contact with Peter. Wanting, needing release.

"Don't stop, please don't stop this time," John begged in a whisper.

Peter's answer was to once more insert his finger into John's anus as he sucked on him. Again, there was that whimper, quickly followed by another as Peter slowly began to move his finger in and out, making sure that each inward stroke pushed against the prostate. Peter glanced up and saw that John was having a difficult time keeping still. The bedspread was being pulled toward him as he held it in a death grip with each hand. Eyes closed, John was moving his head from side to side and his entire body was quivering. John's thrusts were becoming even more pronounced as he neared his climax and Peter briefly entertained the thought of stopping right then and letting a few minutes pass before allowing that. The brief thought went right out the window as John began to come with a strangled cry. Peter kept sucking and swallowing, taking in all that John gave him, savoring the taste of the younger man. John tasted as good as Peter had imagined he would and he lingered over John's penis, sucking on him long after he was spent.

Finally, Peter lay down on top of John and kissed him on the mouth. John's lips parted and he eagerly pulled Peter's tongue into his own mouth, sucking hungrily on it before allowing Peter free reign in there.

Peter broke off the kiss, grinning.

"What's so funny now?"

"I made you scream."

"Did not."

"I did, too. You screamed."

"That was not a scream. And even if it was, it doesn't count because you only said that you would try to make me scream last night."

"I don't recall putting a time limit on that."

"It doesn't matter. I didn't scream," John was practically pouting now.

"Then I guess I'll just have to keep working on you until you do scream."

Without further word, Peter was off of John and out the door of the bedroom. John lifted his head to watch him leave, then let it drop back to the bed. That had been incredible and John reasoned that if Peter's finger had felt that good inside of him, then Peter's penis would feel even better.

"Now who's smiling?" Peter asked as he returned to the bedroom.

"I was just anticipating what it will be like when...well, when you actually enter me." John hoped he didn't look as embarrassed as he felt.

"They say that anticipation makes things even better. And you will have quite a long time to anticipate that particular activity. I told you yesterday that I want to take my time with you and get you used to anal penetration before we "go all the way" so to say."

"I don't need to get used to anal penetration. Been there already."

"I don't think my finger counts. That's why I bought a few things this afternoon."

John raised up on one elbow as Peter stood beside the bed and emptied the bag that he had brought in from the living room. John had noticed that Peter had a shopping bag when he had arrived, but he had assumed it had held something for Reese. "You spent a lot of money somewhere," John commented.

"It will be worth it. Believe me."

"Oh, I do. This is familiar." John picked up a very thin vibrator. "Very familiar. I like this."

Peter's eyes narrowed, "You told me that you had never been with another man before, so how would you know what that feels like?"

"I had a girlfriend once who liked to use one on me. She was pretty wild as far as sex went. That's what I meant about already being used to anal penetration."

"That must have been that doctor groupie who gave you the sexually transmitted disease. Or was it Harper Tracy?"

"It was Liz and you don't have to make her sound as if she was some type of slut."

"John, that's exactly what she was and you know it."

Deciding to avoid a fight, especially since fighting with Peter might mean that he wouldn't be allowed to spend the night, John reached over and picked up a tube of lubricant. "Vegetable oil works just as well you know."

"If you're going to criticize everything I buy, then next time, you can do the shopping."

John grinned and dropped the lubricant. "I like everything that you've bought, but I really don't see any need for the other, uh, toys right now. I want you."

"We've already discussed that, John. I don't want for your first time to be painful or to hurt you in any other way."

"We didn't discuss anything. You told me what you wanted. Well, now I'm telling you what I want." John stood and pulled Peter to him, kissing him hungrily while his hands were busy at the waist of Peter's pants. In seconds he had his hand on Peter's penis, stroking it longingly before falling to his knees and taking it into his mouth. He was as unmerciful to Peter as Peter had been to him, maybe even more so, because just as he sensed Peter's body beginning to tense as he neared climax, he stopped and stood.

"If you want any kind of release, then it will have to be found inside me, Peter." With that, John turned his back on Peter and pulled back the covers of the bed, then climbed into the bed to wait for Peter.

Peter stood there, knowing that he had been beaten on this round. He quickly stripped, then grabbed the lubricant from the foot of the bed and got into bed with John. "Roll over onto your stomach. It's one of the easiest ways for the first time."

"One of the easiest ways, huh? What's the other way?"

"For you to be on top."

John smiled, "That sounds nice."

"I'm giving into your demands this far, don't push your luck, okay."

"Don't you want to look at me while we do this?"

"Yes, I do. But, I don't know exactly how that will work, so we'll do it the way I know."

"Peter, figuring it out will be half the fun. First, we start with you on your back." John sat up and pushed Peter down onto his back, then he straddled his hips and leaned down to tease a dark nipple with his teeth. "I'm sure that we'll find a way to get what we both want."

Peter remained silent as John's mouth toyed with him, then John feathered kisses along his neck. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be and I think you'll burst if you get any more ready," John said.

Peter nodded as John sat up, then he opened the lubricant and squeezed out a large amount onto his fingers. "Raise up some so I can reach you."

John lifted up and squealed as Peter worked the lubricant around and into his anus. "That's cold."

"Sorry. You'll be warm soon enough." Peter applied even more lubricant to John, then generously coated his own penis. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Peter, I've been ready for this for a long time. Now take me," John demanded.

Peter nodded and held his penis upright as John slowly lowered his body down onto it. "Not too fast at first. Stop after you take the head...damn, that feels good!" Peter exclaimed as John took it all in at one time. It was apparent that John was going to do this his own way or no way at all. He looked up at John to see if he was all right. John's eyes were tightly closed and Peter couldn't tell if the look on his face was one of pain or extreme pleasure.

"John?" he whispered.

"Yeah?" John's voice trembled.

"You okay?"

A million thoughts were running through John's head. Was he okay? Taking Peter inside of him at once had not been the brightest thing he had ever done. The stinging pain had brought tears to his eyes, but he had experienced worse pain. Having Lucy do a shoulder reduction on him without the benefit of painkillers when he had been stupid enough to dislocate his shoulder - that had been pain. Bad pain. This was a good pain because the feelings that came after it were ones that he had never felt before. Peter's penis was pressing tightly against his prostate and the sensations created by that were indescribable. Was he okay? This was what he had dreamt of all these years. Peter Benton had now claimed him as his own and it was a claiming that John never wanted to end.

"I am wonderfully fine, Peter. Now what? Which one of us moves first?"

"Well, if I say that you do, then you'll make me go first and if I say that I do, then you'll go first. But, one of us needs to do something or we'll be sitting here like this all night."

"And just how is that bad?" John opened his eyes and looked down at Peter, thinking that having Peter in him all night would be quite nice indeed.

"I don't know, but I'm sure there's a reason." Peter gasped, then continued, "Oh, God, John, you should at least warn me before you decide to do something." While Peter had been busy talking, John had decided to go first and was now slowly moving up and down on Peter.

"If you don't like it, I can always stop."

"Don't you dare stop now." Peter was now thrusting in counter-point to John's movements. John was tight and warm and enthusiastic. Peter reached up and pulled John's upper body down so that he could kiss him and he found himself surrendering his mouth to John's thrusting tongue. Since their mouths were otherwise engaged, Peter wasn't able to hear John's soft moans, but he felt them against his lips. Their coupling grew more frantic and Peter could feel John's erection pressing against his belly. He reached for it, encasing it with his hand and stroking it fast and hard. Since he had been so ready for John, he was quite surprised when John violently came first, his warm semen coating both of their bodies.

Peter could feel John's breath, hot and fast, against his throat and he stopped what he was doing in order to give the shuddering man time to recover from his orgasm.

"Oh, God, Peter, don't stop now. Please don't leave me like this," John begged.

"I thought you wanted me in you all night long?"

John groaned, then sat upright, looking down at Peter, his face flushed and his eyes bright. Despite how good it felt to have Peter in him, he wanted Peter to climax, and he wanted to see Peter's face when he did. He raised up slightly,resuming their lovemaking. A shiver ran up his spine as Peter gently caressed his hips, then he also began to thrust into him once more, the thrusting becoming more urgent as he sought release. Peter cried out loud as he found that sweet release, shooting load after load of his own semen into John's body. When he was spent, John lay still on top of him, trying to keep from moving so that Peter wouldn't slip out.

"Now, that was a scream," John whispered as he nuzzled Peter's neck.

"That was not a scream."

"That was a lot closer to a scream then the noise I made," John grinned.

Peter shook his head, "Nope. You screamed."

"Well, I guess we need to recreate this entire evening just to see which one of us is correct."

"I can live with that. But, I think we should shower and eat first."

"That sounds good." John slowly lifted his body off of Peter's, making a face as he straightened out his legs. "Man, I don't think I ever appreciated the muscle aches that women have gone through in order to be on top like that."

Peter glanced down at himself, relieved to see that there was no evidence of blood on his penis. Hopefully that also meant that he had not bruised John.

"Are you showering with me?" John asked.

"Of course." Peter got off the bed and they went into the bathroom where John proceeded to show Peter that he was just as good at performing oral sex on him in the shower as he had been in the bed.

***********

The next morning, Peter was smiling happily as he scrubbed for surgery. The night and afternoon before had not gone according to his plans, but had turned out very well anyway. John was a passionate, sensual and caring lover who wasn't afraid to go after what he wanted when he wanted it. Peter had wanted to take his time with John so that he wouldn't physically hurt him in any way. John had decided that having Peter inside him was what he wanted and he wasn't going to let Peter's arguments get in the way of his desires. Not that Peter was complaining. As far as he was concerned, John could be stubborn like that all he pleased. Perhaps the best part had been later in the evening, long after they had eaten dinner. Once they had showered and prepared dinner, they had lingered over dinner, talking. Peter had then demonstrated some sign language to John and the next thing they knew, it was ten o'clock. Peter made sure that John took his medicine, then they got ready for bed. Again, John had been demanding, insisting on performing oral sex on Peter until he came, then allowing Peter to have his way. They ended the evening with John on his stomach and Peter entering him once again. Peter had taken his time, making his strokes long and easy. He came a long time before John did, though and he offered to perform oral sex on John once more. John had refused, insisting that Peter remain right where he was while he used his hand. Peter reached around and brought John to climax that way, resting against his lover's back. It didn't take long for John to come, and afterward, he snuggled backward against Peter, holding Peter's arm against his body.

"Can't we just lay like this for a little while?" John asked.

Even though he wasn't erect, it still felt nice to be inside of John, so Peter said yes. What he hadn't counted on was falling asleep. When the alarm went off at five, he awoke to find himself still inside John. As John slowly wakened, he realized that Peter was still in position and he wiggled his butt against Peter, giving him an obvious invitation to take him once more. Peter found himself instantly hard and he didn't need much persuading to take make love to John once again. Afterward, it was his turn to prove to John that he could perform oral sex just as well in the shower as he could in bed.

"I think someone had a good day off from work." Lucy Knight said to Elizabeth Corday as they began to scrub in.

Elizabeth eyed Peter carefully, then smiled, "He looks like the cat that ate the canary, only he isn't feeling the least bit guilty about it."

"So, Dr. Benton, did you have fun yesterday?" Lucy asked.

Peter nodded, "I most certainly did. Did you have a good time on your day off?"

"It was okay. There was a movie that I wanted to go see and I called Dr. Carter to see if he would go with me, but he wasn't home. I ended up going with Dale Edson instead. I just don't understand men, I thought that Dr. Carter liked me. I mean, we've been out a few times and we've even kissed. He told me that he would be home all day yesterday and that he would be available to go out if I wanted to do something. So, why wasn't he home? At the very least, he could have called me and let me know that had made other plans." Lucy addressed most of her remarks to Elizabeth.

"I have no clue as to what makes the male mind tick, Lucy. Peter, can you enlighten us?"

"Sorry. That would be giving away a highly classified secret. Maybe John had something unexpected come up."

"Maybe. It had better not be his old girlfriend. Man, I hated Roxanne. She was so clingy and whining all the time."

"You can always try to figure out some tactful way to ask Dr. Weaver about his whereabouts," Elizabeth suggested to Lucy. But, she wasn't looking at the young woman. Her eyes were on Peter as she tried to figure out if he knew he had just called Carter "John". Lucy certainly hadn't noticed, but then again, to the best of Elizabeth's knowledge, Lucy had never snuggled close to Peter in the night only to have him whisper "Carter" in her ear. Oh, the first time it had happened, she had been able to convince herself that he had said "Corday", despite the fact that Peter never addressed her by her last name. The second and third times, it had been clear that it was John Carter who was on Peter's mind. Knowing that had made it a little easier to bring their relationship to an end, although she stilled valued Peter's friendship. If she was right and Peter had spent his time off with John, then she hoped that he had finally found the happiness that he so rightly deserved.

Lucy's face brightened, "Yeah, that's not a bad idea. She would certainly know if Roxanne spent the night there. I need to know what kind of competition I'm up against. Thanks, Elizabeth."

"Don't mention it, Lucy. There are times when a woman has to use all means at her disposal to get her man."

"Hurry up, ladies. We do have a surgery to perform," Peter growled as he finished rinsing, then he left them alone.

"What happened to his good mood?" Lucy wondered.

"I have no idea. Peter's like that though, one minute he's in a good mood and the next he's all sour."

"How could you stand it?"

"He was very good in bed."

Lucy blushed, "Oh, I guess that could make a person tolerate just about anything, couldn't it?"

They laughed and finished scrubbing.

After the surgery, Peter gave Elizabeth and Lucy orders pertaining to the post-op care of the patient, then he headed straight for the Emergency Room. He saw John heading for one of the exam rooms and he grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into an empty room.

"Peter, I've got a patient waiting."

"Let him wait. We need to talk."

"Okay, we can get together in a little bit. I have a break coming up soon."

"We need to talk now. Does Kerry Weaver know you were at my place?"

John's cheeks reddened, "No. There's no way she would know that. I certainly didn't tell her."

"Good enough. I think that Lucy's going to ask her if you had any company staying overnight with you. It seems that you ran out on her and any possible plans she might have had for a date."

John got even redder, which Peter didn't think would have been possible. "Oh, man, I forgot all about that. I did tell her that I didn't have any plans for my day off. But, we didn't have a date. Honest, Peter. We've only been out a few times and that was before I knew how you felt. Honest."

"What about the kiss?" John was so sure that Peter thought something was going on between him and Lucy that Peter couldn't resist teasing him.

"You know about the kiss? It didn't mean anything, Peter. It was just a kiss and some necking, but nothing serious. I never took her to bed. You have to believe me." John was nearly frantic.

"Whoa. Calm down, babe. I was just teasing you." Peter reached out and caressed John's cheek, "Nothing that happened before matters to me. Do you understand that? The past is the past. All that matters to me is what's going on between the two of us now and what will happen to us in the future."

John barely nodded, "I understand. But, that was a mean thing to do to me."

"I know. I'm sorry. Here, let me see if I can make you forget all about it."

Peter leaned forward and captured John's lips with his own, pushing the younger man back against the door, grateful that the door in this room opened inward and not out toward the hallway. John's lips parted, giving him permission to enter, which he hungrily did. He loved the way John tasted and not even coffee or sodas could quite mask that taste.

The kiss slowly ended and Peter asked, "Is that better?"

"Yes," John whispered, his eyes still closed.

"Good," Peter said as he patted John's cheek. "You have a patient to see."

"A patient?" John vaguely asked, then he remembered he was at work. "Oh, yes. I have a patient to see. Sixty-five year old man complaining of stomach pain."

"Do you think you need a surgical consult?"

"I haven't even seen him yet, but hang around just in case. Do you want to get some coffee later?"

"Page me when you get your break. If I'm not busy, I'll meet you in the cafeteria."

John nodded, then left the room to go examine his patient. Peter took a deep breath, then he went out also, but he headed for the admit desk to see if there were any possible surgical cases on the board.

PART 3

John had felt as if he was going to go mad without Peter in Chicago. It had been bad enough when Peter told him he was going to Minnesota, but when he had tracked him down in the ER and told him that the plans had been changed and he was going to Mississippi, he had been frantic with worry. Mississippi? Why were they sending him to Mississippi? A city wouldn't have been too bad, but they were sending Peter to some small town that only Jeannie Boulet had ever heard about. Peter had pulled John into the men's room, established that they were alone and quickly kissed him.

"I'm going to miss you."

"Same here. I wish you didn't have to go there."

"I'm not too thrilled with the idea either. We'll just have to trust that the stereotypes aren't based on any truth. I won't get lynched by the KKK." Peter laughed, but John didn't. Instead, he caressed Peter's cheek with his hand, his brown eyes sad.

"Don't even joke about that. Please be careful down there."

"I'm always careful, baby, but I'm not going to let some racist make me run scared, either. Here." Peter pressed the keys to his apartment and mailbox into John's hand. "Would you get my mail for me and check on the apartment every now and then?"

"Sure. I can do that. You will call, won't you?"

"As often as I can. I promise. You'll never be out of my thoughts, John." Another chaste kiss and then Peter was gone.

John shoved the keys in his pockets and went to call Jeannie, knowing she had been released earlier and would be home. He needed to ask her if things would be rough for Peter in Laverne, Mississippi. She had laughed at him when he asked.

"Laverne is no more racist than any other place, Carter. Now, you can take that any way you want. I think that Peter will be just fine. There's no need for you to worry about him. Peter Benton can handle himself just fine."

"Thanks, Jeannie. I guess I feel a little better knowing that." John hoped he didn't sound too relieved as he suddenly realized that he might have revealed too much to Jeannie. After all, to her knowledge, he had no reason to be concerned about Peter. "I'm sure that Lucy will be reassured as well."

"Oh will she?"

"Yeah. Well, I'll let you go so you can get some rest."

"Carter, have you been tested for Hepatitis C yet?"

Twice actually, he thought, but he replied, "Yeah. It was negative. From what I've heard, everyone in the ER is testing negative. I don't think that you need to dwell on the thought that you might have infected anyone here."

"That's one less thing to worry about."

"Have you called Al yet?"

"Not yet. He's so wrapped up in his job down in Atlanta. I just don't feel right about calling him and telling him this. I know I'll have to though, because there is a chance that I've infected him or that he might have given it to me. But, not yet."

John thought that Jeannie sounded pretty sad and he wondered why she was continuing to hold onto her marriage when it was obvious that she and her husband had gone their separate ways. Maybe they just hadn't seen it yet.

"Do you need anything? I can bring you some dinner later, if you want."

"Thanks for offering, but Kerry's already volunteered to come by to cook dinner for me."

"Good. Just be careful that she doesn't ask you to help her in the kitchen. She gets a little wired about having things done a particular way."

Jeannie laughed, "I'll try to remember that. Thanks for calling, Carter."

"Thanks for answering my questions. I really do appreciate it. Take care, Jeannie, and hang in there."

"I'll try. Bye."

John hung up, then returned to work, trying his best to keep busy so that he wouldn't have time to worry about Peter.

Keeping himself busy with work ended up being the only thing that was getting him through the week. He would work himself past his scheduled hours, then go home and fall into bed, too tired to eat. Too tired to sleep usually. He would just lay there and think about Peter and what he had probably done that day. Then he would remember being with Peter, his vivid memories making him hard with desire. His hand was a poor substitute for Peter, though, but he used it anyway.

By the following Monday, he was a wreck, snapping at people one minute and depressed the next. He never noticed the exasperated looks that his colleagues exchanged or their subtle hints that he should pull himself together. By Wednesday afternoon, Mark had given up on subtlety and he had angrily sent John home and told him to stay there until he could find a way to readjust his attitude. Surprisingly, Romano had backed him with that decision. John had gone home, even more depressed than before. He hadn't realized that he had been in a bad mood, so he wasn't sure how he was going to change his attitude.

His answer to that came when the phone rang and it was his father. His parents were coming home and wanted to spend time with him. The only drawback was that a family dinner had been planned to take place at John's grandparents' house. He still felt uncomfortable around them because of Chase and wasn't looking forward to attending any family function there. Christmas there had been bad enough.

John returned to work the next day in a much better mood and he finished out the week that way. On Friday he had dinner with his parents and on Saturday, he drove out to his grandparents' estate for the family get together. Dinner went surprisingly well, but John just couldn't keep his mind from thinking about Peter and the fact that he was becoming confused about their relationship and what he should do.

During dinner, Roland kept an eye on John, knowing that something was bothering his son. He and Laura, his wife, had talked about it after John had left their house Friday night. John had something important on his mind, but the only thing they could do was to wait and see if John would want to talk about it.

While the rest of the family retired to the study to have after dinner drinks, John nervously approached his father. "Dad? Can we go for a walk?"

Roland nodded, then went to tell his mother they were going out. By the time he had grabbed his coat, John was waiting outside the door.

The two headed toward the lake, neither one willing quite yet to breech the silence. Roland tried to remember the last time they had taken a walk along the lake. It had been when John had decided to go to medical school no matter what the eldest Carter male, Roland's father, thought about that. John had been sixteen then. If John wanted to take a walk, then that meant he was ready to talk about what was on his mind.

"Dad, I have a big problem. I'm in love."

Roland was pretty sure that John should sound a lot happier about the fact. "Oh? Let me guess, it's that young woman you told me about, Lucy Knight. Right?"

John shook his head, "No. I like Lucy. I like her a lot. I've even kissed her a few times and we've dated. But, I'm not in love with her. I'm not in love with any woman. That's the problem."

Roland had to digest that bit of information for a few seconds. He was sure that his son had just said he was not in love with a woman. That left only one alternative and it was one that Roland didn't want to have to deal with, ever.

"So, you're telling me that you are in love with another man?"

"Yeah, I guess that's what I'm telling you. Dad, I'm really confused right now. I love him. I miss him when we're apart, but at the same time I keep feeling that it's wrong. When I'm with him all my doubts disappear. The problem is that I'm away from him more than I'm with him. I swear to you that I never in a million years would have thought that I would be in love with another man. I've never even been attracted to other men. I like women. I like making love to women. They're great. But, somehow or another, I found myself falling in love with him. I kept quiet about it for a long time until I found out that he was in love with me."

"I assume that this is someone you work with. Lord knows you don't have time for a social life."

"It is. I've known him for a long time. A really long time."

"You're not going to tell me that it's that Benton guy are you? The surgeon who gave you such a rough time?"

John came to a stop and looked out over the lake, barely nodding. "Yeah. It's him. His name is Peter. He told me that the reason he was so hard on me was because he was attracted to me and he wanted to put some distance between us. He even admitted that one of the reasons he was so nasty to Dennis Gant was because he felt jealous over the fact that Dennis and I were roommates, even though he knew that nothing was going on between us." John sighed, "Dad, I just don't know what to do. There's a little voice inside me that keeps telling me to call it quits, run away from him and forget that anything ever happened between us. There's this other voice that keeps telling me that I would be a fool to walk away from someone who I love and who loves me back. I know that I'm disappointing you and the rest of the family by being involved with another man, but..."

"John, I can't begin to understand how you feel. All I can tell you is that when I fell in love with your mother, I was scared to death. I needed her so much and I hated being away from her. The only time I felt whole was when I was with her."

"That's the way I feel when I'm with Peter."

"No matter what you choose to do, you will still find yourself having to work at the same hospital as Peter Benton. If you break things off with him, then you will be faced with seeing him every day. Can you honestly handle that?"

"I've been handling that for years now. I've watched him be with other people."

"But that was before you told him how you felt. Now he knows and you know how he feels about you. I assume that the two of you have, uh, well, been intimate with each other."

"You can assume that."

"God, I never dreamed I would be having a conversation like this with you."

"Me, either."

"Son, what I'm trying to tell you is, that if you really and truly love Peter, then you owe it to him and yourself to try to make it work."

"Its not that it isn't working out, Dad. The problem is that I have never thought of myself as bisexual or gay. I've never thought of him that way. Even after I realized that I was in love with him, I still didn't feel that way. But, I enjoy being with him, so that makes me one or the other, right?"

"I believe that bisexual would be the correct term."

"Okay. So, now I'm bisexual, and in the eyes of the rest of the world, that's wrong. You hear all the time from the churches and stuff about how wrong and sinful it is. How unnatural it is. When I was in jail after being arrested for obstruction of justice, I was scared to death that some guy was going to try something with me. How can I feel that way one time and then feel totally different about it when I'm with Peter?"

"You know Peter and you love him. That makes a world of difference, son. John, to me, I think it is far worse for someone to be constantly running around, whether they are having sex with those of the same sex or of the opposite sex. I would be much happier knowing that you were committed to one person. I would be ecstatic if it was a woman, but I can live with the fact that you love another man. I wouldn't be too thrilled if I thought you were out there having sex with just about any man who crossed your path. A whore is whore, no matter their gender. I hope that we raised you better than that."

"You don't have to worry about me where that is concerned. I'm not turned on by other guys." At least he didn't think he was. He hoped he wasn't.

"Then just make a commitment to Peter. Love each other and try to make your relationship work. Be faithful to him in all ways. If you make a commitment to him and then fall into bed with a woman, it's the same thing as if you cheated on him with another man. It just wouldn't be right. Man, father is going to have a fit over this."

"I guess it's a good thing I already gave up my trust fund, huh?" John asked with a grin.

"Probably. I'm sure this is a time when he would have threatened to take it away from you. John, don't let him intimidate you. You have an excellent career ahead of you and you don't need his money to make it in this world. I wouldn't put it past him to threaten to write you out of his will because of this."

"I really don't care about the money, Dad. It's his approval that I want. I don't want Gamma and grandfather hating me. They're still angry with me because of Chase, I don't want to be disowned because I'm having an affair with a man. A black man at that."

"Father will probably be more upset over the fact that Peter is black than over the fact he's a man." Roland hugged his son. "I'm behind you, John. And I know that your mother will be supportive of you as well. You are our son and there is no way that we would ever turn our backs on you. I know that we're not around a lot, but we're only just a phone call away. We love you."

"Thanks, Dad. I love you, too." John hugged his father back.

"Now, why don't we head back to the house? It's freezing out here."

The two men began to walk back. John asked, "Are you going to say anything about this?"

"I'll tell your mother tonight, but no one else. If you want the rest of the family to know about you and Peter, then you have to be the one to tell them."

"I think I can hold off on that announcement. I'm not sure that Peter's ready to have a lot of people know about us. He has his son to think about."

"He has a son?"

John told him about Reese and Carla. "Peter's a good father, Dad. He really is."

"I believe you. I just hope for his sake that Carla is a modern minded woman and doesn't take exception to the fact that Peter is with you. She could try to take sole custody of Reese."

"He told her about us almost immediately, and he said that she wasn't upset. I don't think he told Jackie though. She's his older sister." John explained.

"My word of advice, son, is for you to sit down and ask Peter if he's told anyone else. And if he hasn't, then the two of you need to discuss what you're going to do."

"It's not always that easy to have a serious conversation with Peter."

"Not much of a talker, huh?"

"Not at all. Not like me, anyway. He tells me that I like to talk things apart."

"I wonder why he would think that about you?" Roland asked with a smile.

"Probably because once I start talking about a subject, I never shut up."

"Son, I was joking."

John grinned, "I know, but it's still true."

Father and son continued back to the house, where John stayed for a another hour before returning home. As he opened the door to the house, he could hear the phone begin to ring and he ran to answer it before the answering machine kicked in.

"Hello."

"It's me. I'm back in town. I'd really like to see you tonight." Peter's voice sounded thick with longing.

"I'm free for tonight. I'm glad you're back." John was smiling.

"Well, Mississippi wasn't too bad. I'll tell you all about it later. There's something I want you to do."

"Okay, what is it?"

"When you get to my place, run a hot bath and make sure you put a lot of baby oil in the water. Then I want you to find all the candles that you can and put them in the bathroom. Light them, then undress and get into the tub and wait for me."

John grinned, "I can do that. When did you get in?"

"I've been back for a while. We'll talk later. I'll see you soon. Bye."

"Bye."

Less than an hour later, John was in Peter's bathroom, resting his back against the cool porcelain of the tub. The din of the water obliterated all other noises, but the heat from it was soothing anyway. He closed his eyes and willed himself to relax, breathing deeply the scent from the candles that were scattered about the bathroom. The room was becoming steamy and John wondered how long he would have to wait until Peter returned home. He smiled as he remembered how Peter had sounded on the phone. Even though his voice had been thick with longing, he also sounded sad. Something was certainly on Peter's mind though, and John knew it wasn't him. He was so busy trying to figure out what it might be that he nearly jumped out of the water when the spigot was suddenly turned off.

"Jesus, Peter! You could have warned me that you were home."

Peter chuckled as he sat on the side of the tub and caressed John's cheek, "Sorry. I did call out to you when I came in the front door, but you didn't hear me."

Peter was already stripped down and he motioned for John to sit forward, then he stepped into the tub and settled himself behind John, bracketing his body with his legs. He pulled John back against him, lazily caressing him.

"I missed you," John said.

"I missed you, too. I had to sleep in this very small trailer and every night I imagined how nice it would have been to try to fit the two of us in that bed. I barely fit."

"So, things went all right then?"

"Yeah. Things worked out. The first few days were rough. I had no idea that people were still living in those type of conditions in this day and age. Some without water or electricity. Some who just simply couldn't read."

"You'd be surprised at how many people in the cities have the same problem. Gamma's foundation has worked with a lot of people who live under those circumstances. Things go wrong for them and they just can't keep up with their utility bills, then they get so far behind that their water and electric or gas get cut off. The cost to have it reconnected is staggering for them."

"It's something I never really thought about, I guess. Things sometimes got rough when I was growing up, especially after Pop died. But, the bills always got paid. Hey, guess what I did?"

"Emergency heart surgery?"

"For that, I would have needed a hospital, not a clinic. I delivered a baby. Breech birth even."

"No shit?" John twisted around to look at him, grinning. "You delivered a baby?"

"A beautiful baby girl. Mother and daughter were doing fine at the time I left. I also came back with some company. A young girl and her grandmother. The girl has a hole in her heart and the hospital is willing to donate the cost of her care and I've already convinced some surgeons to perform the surgery for free."

"They can't do that kind of surgery down there? Man, they must really be hard up."

"They can do it. I just felt as if I owed it to her. She's a diabetic who came to the clinic. I was so busy checking her glucose level that I never gave her a full exam. I missed the fact that she had a heart problem."

"If she came to you so you could check her glucose, you wouldn't have any reason to give her a full exam."

"I should have done it anyway. John, the level of care down there was appalling. Still, they get by."

"Well, for two weeks they had the best."

"I don't know about that. I felt like a fish out of water. You or Mark would have been much better for them."

"It sounds to me like you did a good job, Peter. The little girl is here getting the surgery she needs, right?"

"Yeah."

"And a healthy baby is now in this world, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then you did good. Now, there is one area where you've messed up."

"And what's that?"

"You haven't kissed me yet."

Peter cupped John's chin in his hand and turned his head around enough so that he could give him a long and thorough kiss on the lips.

"Is that better?"

John grinned, "You're getting there. You still seem a little down though."

"Are you sure you don't want to go into psychiatry?"

"I'm happy working in the E.R. You do seem sad. What's up?"

"I found out that Jeannie was back in the hospital. I went to see her. There are times when it seems as if God isn't dealing fairly with her."

"I know what you mean. Jeannie had enough to worry about without adding the hepatitis C to the mix. Things might be easier for her if her husband would come back from Atlanta."

"Maybe. I still can't understand why she's stayed with him."

"I guess she just loves him too much."

They were both silent for a little while, then John gathered up enough courage to ask, "Were you and Jeannie ever together?"

"Why do you ask that?"

John shrugged, "I dunno. It just seems like you're awfully concerned for someone that you just work with."

"Yeah. We had a brief affair. It was a long time ago, before she became a P.A. I wanted her to leave her husband and be with me all the time, but she wasn't ready to give up on her marriage then."

"It sounds to me like you really cared for her. I'm sorry that it didn't work out the way you wanted it too."

"Thanks. But, if I was still with Jeannie, then there wouldn't be a Reese. And there most certainly wouldn't be us. I'd rather have you." Peter lightly ran his tongue along the back of John's neck, sending shivers down John's spine.

"I don't suppose that you can manage to turn around?" Peter asked.

"I can certainly try." John got to his knees, then turned around in the tub to face Peter.

"I want you. Now." Peter's voice was thick with emotion.

John glanced down, seeing that Peter's erection was certainly confirming what Peter had just said. "We don't have any lubricant handy."

"Why do you think I told you to put baby oil in the bath? It'll do the trick."

"Either that or we'll break our necks trying." John laughed as he literally slid onto Peter's lap.

They stared into each other's eyes as John slowly lowered his body down the length of Peter's penis. Neither man realized that they had been holding their breath until they both needed to take deep breaths once John was fully settled on Peter.

Peter pulled John toward him and nuzzled his neck, licking and kissing his way to John's mouth. "I missed you so much," he said before he captured that mouth.

"I missed you, too," John breathed once the kiss ended.

Peter smiled sadly, then began to thrust upward, getting John caught up in their love-making before he could ask him any further questions.

When they could arrange the logistics, Peter much preferred having John on top. It made it so much easier to kiss him and he loved watching his face when he came. John had told him much the same thing. The pace of their coupling grew frantic until Peter finally bucked upward in one strong thrust and called out John's name as he came. John leaned against Peter's chest as Peter settled back into the tub, laying down as far as he could and letting the still warm water envelop them both. After Peter had a chance to catch his breath, he kissed the top of John's head.

John tilted his head to look up at Peter, "Still feeling sad?"

"A little. It'll pass. Get up on your knees."

"Why?"

Peter grinned, "Because I have a crazy idea and I want to see if it will work. Please get up on your knees."

John placed his hands on the tub behind Peter and pushed himself upright, then got to his knees, straddling Peter's legs. With Peter as far down as he could get in the tub and John up on his knees, John could very easily see just what Peter had in mind and he grinned. "I think that you're going to be a little too low."

"You just might be right." Peter said as he reached out and pulled John even closer to his face. He was a little too low to be able to take John's penis into his mouth, but not his balls. He gently took them into his mouth, letting his tongue massage them.

John arched his back, concentrating totally on the sensations that were emanating from his groin. Oh, he had most certainly missed Peter these past two weeks. His quiet contemplation of what his lover was doing to him was shattered when Peter let go of his balls and his tongue moved behind them. John had heard about rimming, but he had never imagined that it would feel like this. He grabbed the bar above the soap dish and held on as Peter assaulted his senses with his tongue and hands. He never noticed as Peter pulled himself up enough to be able to take him into his mouth. He only noticed when that warm mouth closed tightly over him. He was only in Peter's mouth for a few seconds before his climax racked his body. Peter hung on to his legs tightly, sucking him dry.

"I think we should take this to the bedroom," Peter suggested.

"Uh huh," John breathlessly answered.

"Now would be a good time," Peter said.

"Uh huh," John agreed.

Peter smiled, "Baby, I can't get out of here until you move."

"Sorry." John pulled himself to his feet, then turned around and bent down to pull the plug. He jumped as Peter reached up to caress him from behind.

"Sorry," Peter grinned as he stood.

"Yeah, sure." John tossed a towel to Peter, then reached for a towel for himself.

"Not so fast. I want to do that." Peter began to briskly rub the towel over John's back and chest. As the level of the water diminished, he was able to rub the towel lower and lower on John's body, paying close attention to his penis and nipples. By the time he was done, John was hard again, just as he knew he would be. "God, you are so quick."

"Are you complaining?" John asked with a grin.

"Not at all. It's just that I've never really had to deal with an insatiable lover before."

"Me, either."

"Are you saying that I'm insatiable?" Peter demanded to know.

John ran a finger up Peter's rigid penis, "Looks like it to me."

"We definitely need to take this to the bedroom." Peter stepped out of the tub and quickly dried off while John doused the candles. The light in the bedroom was on and they had no trouble finding their way to the room, despite the darkness of the rest of the apartment. Standing beside the bed, the two embraced tightly, kissing each other passionately.

"Peter, do you think I could ever be in you?" John asked, blushing and hating himself for doing that.

"Of course. I should have suggested it earlier. Got any ideas about how you want to try this?" Peter grinned.

John thought about that for a while, "Well, have you ever had another man inside you?"

"Yes."

"Oh." John knew he sounded disappointed about that fact, but he tried not to show it.

Peter softly stroked the lower part of John's back, "Baby, I thought it was pretty obvious to you that I had been with other men."

"It was. I just didn't figure that you had done "that" with another man."

"I prefer to be the one on top, so to speak. I really like being in you. You are so damn responsive to whatever I do and that is a big turn on for me. I just assumed that you preferred being the recipient, but if you don't, then that's fine with me, too. We can find a good compromise."

John blushed again, "I do prefer to have you in me. I like it. A lot. A whole lot. But, I would like to know what it's like to be in you. To have you want me that way."

"I do want you that way. Pick the position and let's see just how much you like it."

John thought some more, then nodded, "I'd like for you to be on top, but I don't want to do it in the bed. Remember the time we did it in one of the dining room chairs?"

Peter nodded and squeezed John's butt, a smile on his face. Did he remember that? Oh, yeah. He remembered every single time that he and John had been together. Each movement John had made. Each time that John had called out his name. Each moan and gasp. Oh yeah, he remembered it all right.

"Then let's go get a chair." John said.

Peter grabbed the tube of lubricant and followed John out of the bedroom and waited until John had settled himself into one of the chairs. Then he knelt in front of him, parting John's legs so that he could move in closer. He stroked John's thighs, letting each successive stroke go higher until he was stroking John's balls and penis. Then he made sure that John was well lubricated before standing and handing the tube to John. "You'll have to do me."

"I do you all the time, Peter," John joked. He squeezed out the lubricant, then leaned forward so that he could slowly and carefully apply it to Peter. While doing so, he carefully slipped a finger inside Peter, something that he done many times while performing oral sex on him. This time though, the finger was a promise of what was to come. He smiled as he watched Peter close his eyes and throw his head back with a moan. Then he withdrew his finger and leaned back in the chair, sliding down until the edge of his buttocks were at the edge of the seat.

"Are you ready?" he asked, surprised at how nervous he sounded. He grasped his penis and held it upright.

Peter straddled him, then lowered himself onto John. He wasn't going to make the same mistake John had made the first time. He had no intention of letting John get all the way in on the first stroke. No, he knew that it would be more pleasurable for the both of them if this was taken slowly. He had forgotten just how good it felt to have a hard penis inside him, and he didn't have the entire length of John there yet. He looked down at John, who had his eyes closed and his hands resting on Peter's hips. As he slowly impaled himself on his lover, he watched a thousand different emotions cross John's face.

When Peter was finally full, he asked, "So, how do you like this so far?"

"I never imagined that you would be so damn tight! And hot. God, you are so warm inside."

"John, you've done enough rectal exams to know that it's warm in there." Peter grinned.

"This is a Hell of a lot different and you know it," John opened his eyes and stared up at Peter. "Are you ready?"

Peter grabbed the back of the chair, locked his knees and nodded. Then John began to pull out, only to slowly thrust back upward. As he increased the pace, the room was filled with their combined moans and murmurs.

John kept his hands off of Peter, because he didn't want to bring Peter to climax with his hand. The side benefit to this position in the chair was that once John was done, all Peter would need to do was stand while straddling the chair and John could use his mouth on him. At least that's the way it had worked for them when Peter was the person sitting in the chair. John let himself concentrate on the wonderful sensations he was feeling. He had not been lying when he had said he was surprised that Peter was so tight. He had never been inside a woman who was like that. Never. The friction created by that tightness was incredible and he vaguely wondered just how it was that Peter managed to hold onto his erection after two strokes. Just seeing the look in Peter's eyes and on his face as he was feeling his own pleasure increased John's desire ten times. His orgasm took him totally by surprise and his grip on Peter's hips tightened as he emptied into him.

Peter waited a few seconds, enjoying the feeling of having John inside him still, then he stood and let John bring him to climax. After he had come, he helped John get off of the chair and he pulled him close once more.

"So, how did you like that?" Peter asked after kissing John lightly on the lips.

John smiled, "I liked that a lot. I still like having you in me, too. We might have to try that a few more times before I can really make up my mind which way I like best."

Peter laughed, "Only a few more times, huh? I was thinking that we might have to try it at least once a week for the next fifty years or so before I can make up my mind."

"You liked it? I thought you said that..."

"I said that I generally preferred the other way. In the past, I never had you as my partner. I think that makes all the difference in the world. Let's go to bed now."

They returned to the bedroom and got under the covers, tired, but too wired up to go straight to sleep. Entwined in each other's arms, they decided to catch each other up on what had happened the past two weeks.

"So, what did you do while I was gone?" Peter asked.

"Worked. My parents came home for a visit. The only bad part was when the whole family had to get together for dinner at my grandparents' house."

"I know you must have enjoyed seeing your parents." Peter knew that John missed his parents a lot, even though he didn't talk about it that often. He wondered how they could find it so easy to stay away from their children. The two weeks he had spent away from Reese had been rough. He couldn't imagine putting Reese into a boarding school and then taking off for months at a time, only seeing him on holidays and summer break.

"We had a good time." John wasn't sure if he should tell Peter about the talk he had with his father. He knew he had felt embarrassed when he found out that Peter had told Carla about them being together, but he didn't know if Peter would feel the same way. He didn't know if Peter would understand that he had been having his doubts about their relationship. Doubts about himself.

Peter closed his eyes, but instead of seeing the image of John's face as he climaxed, which is what he usually saw, he could only see Jeannie's face. Could only hear her voice as she pushed his hand away from her face and told him that she was "poison". At the time, he had felt sad as he remembered the love they had shared. Now, he felt guilty for remembering that. He also felt guilty for thinking about Jeannie while John lay in his arms.

"When I was at the hospital earlier, I overheard a conversation between Lucy and Elizabeth. Lucy is still interested in you."

"She'll get over it."

"John, if there's anything you want to tell me, I can handle it. Really, I can."

John frowned, trying to figure out what Peter might be talking about. "No. Nothing much happened while you were gone."

"I would understand if you had gone out with Lucy to be friendly and then got caught up in the moment. You've never been with a man before me, so I wouldn't expect you to be ready to give up on women totally."

John sat up and looked down at Peter, feeling hurt and confused as the meaning of what Peter was saying dawned on him. "Are you accusing me of having sex with Lucy Knight while you were gone?"

"I know she's been after you. Flirting with you. I heard her admit that much to Elizabeth. Relax, John. I'm not upset. I told you that I understand. After I was with my first man, I had a few doubts about my sexuality and I went out to bed as many women as I could, just to prove to myself that I was still a man and interested in women. It's no big deal."

John looked away, trying to fight back the anger that was building up inside him. When he turned his head back to look at Peter, the anger was very evident in his eyes and voice, "Look, I have never cheated on anyone that I've been with. The closest I've ever come to cheating on someone was when I kissed Lucy but had not yet broken up with Roxanne. When I told you that I loved you, I meant it, Peter. I thought you meant it as well."

"I do. I love you a lot."

"Then how can you sit there and basically tell me that you expected me to cheat on you while you were gone? Hell, Peter, I told my father about us. You and me. Us. I worked up enough nerve to tell him that I was in love with another man and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And you tell me that you expected me to be out fucking Lucy Knight?"

John threw back the covers and got out of bed, trying to remember where he had left his clothes. He hoped they were in the bathroom.

"John, please get back in bed."

"No. I'm too angry to stay here tonight, Peter. As a matter of fact, maybe we should spend a few days apart until you can figure out just why it is that you don't trust me. I don't think that I'm asking for too much there, do you? If you love me, then you should trust me." John did find his clothes in the bathroom and he hurriedly dressed, then went out to the living room to get his shoes and coat. He didn't pay much attention to the fact that Peter was following him from room to room. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he never noticed Peter was near him until he spoke.

"I do trust you," Peter said as he reached out to hug John.

John slipped away from him. "Don't touch me right now. It'll only make things more difficult. I know that you think you love me, but if you can't leave my side for two weeks and not have any trust in me, then I have to doubt whether you really do love me." He shoved his feet into his shoes, then grabbed his coat from the chair. At the door, he turned back to look at Peter. The light from the bedroom was shining on him and John could see that Peter was upset. He was glad that Peter couldn't see the tears in his eyes.

"You need to think about how you feel about us. About me. While you were gone, I never once worried that you would end up in bed with someone else. Not once. Why couldn't you have had the same trust in me? Think about it, Peter. I do love you, but I can't stay with you if you can't trust me." John fumbled with the locks, unable to see them clearly through his tears. He finally got the door opened and stepped out into the bright hallway, pulling the door closed with a finality that stabbed him to his heart. He was so afraid that he had gone too far and that Peter would decide that he really didn't love him after all. But, there was no way that he could live with the knowledge that Peter didn't trust him. He wiped his tears away, then headed for the train station and home, hoping that Kerry wasn't around to ask him what was wrong.

Peter watched the door close and wondered if he should get dressed and go after John. He had never doubted John's fidelity, he had only said those things because he had felt guilty over thinking about Jeannie. How in the Hell could he tell that to John? This was not the way the evening was supposed to end. He had missed John so much while he was in Mississippi. So much that it hurt. He had come home determined to find some way to convince John to move him with him so that they wouldn't have to spend any unnecessary time apart. So much for that idea. He'd be lucky if John even as much as looked at him during the next few days.

Peter went back to the bedroom and sat on the bed, considering all his options. He could chase after John, hoping to catch him at the station. That might result in a scene of some kind, which would only anger John even more. Forget that option. He could give John a few days to cool off, then attempt to talk to him. Maybe by then he would have found some way to tell him that he had only said those things so that he wouldn't feel guilty about the thoughts that had been running around in his own head. Hell, if he could tell John that in a few days, why not now? Peter dressed in some fresh clothes, grabbed his coat and keys and left. He knew he could get to John's place before John. If Kerry wasn't home to let him in, then he would sit outside on the porch and wait for John. There was no way that he was going to let John get away. Not now. Not ever.

Peter rang the bell and waited nervously for Kerry to open the door Her car was parked out front, so he knew she was home. Unless she had car trouble of some kind. Much to his relief, the door opened and Kerry greeted him warmly, although she was clearly surprised to see him.

"Come on in," she said. "Can I get you some coffee or something?"

Peter squeezed past her and into the house. "No thanks. I'm here to see John."

Kerry looked at him guardedly for a moment, then smiled and nodded, "I see. You're the reason that he's been so moody and edgy these past two weeks, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I suppose I am."

"John's not here, Peter. He wasn't here when I got home and I don't have any idea when he'll be back."

"Probably in about ten or fifteen minutes. It depends on how soon he caught a train once he got to the station near my place."

"Ah, I see. You two had a fight."

"Something like that. He was pretty angry with me when he left. I just can't let it go at that."

"I don't blame you. John Carter is a great man and a wonderful catch. I wouldn't want to risk losing him either. Why don't you wait for him in the living room? I was on my way upstairs to take a long, relaxing bath. I won't be back downstairs until the morning." Kerry smiled, "It was good to see you again, Peter."

Kerry started up the stairs, hoping that Peter and John would be able to work through whatever differences they had.

"Thanks, Kerry."

"Good luck," she called back over her shoulder.

Once Kerry was out of sight, Peter sat down. He tried to think of what he would say to John and how he would say it. He was still deep in thought when he heard a key in the door. With his heart in his throat, he stood as the door opened and then he and John were face to face.

John was more than shocked to find Peter standing there in Kerry's living room. He shut the door and carefully locked it, trying to avoid talking to, or looking at, Peter.

"John, we need to talk."

"Where's Kerry?"

"She went to take a bath. She won't be able to hear us. John, would you at least look at me?" Peter couldn't keep the pleading tone out of his voice.

John looked up at him, "Okay. I'm looking at you. What do you want to talk about, Peter? Did you want to ask me if Kerry and I are having a sexual relationship? Or maybe you think that I was working my way through the nurses at the hospital?"

"No. None of that. I never should have said those things to you about Lucy. I was wrong and I knew I was wrong the minute I said them. I never once thought that you would cheat on me. I said those things because I was feeling guilty and I thought that the best defense would be a good offense. I attacked you unfairly and I'm sorry."

"Why were you feeling guilty?"

"When I saw Jeannie today, it brought back a lot of memories for me. Some sad. Most of them good. She wouldn't even let me touch her when I wanted to wipe away her tears. When you asked me about her, I told you that I had been in love with her. My feelings for her were strong, so strong that I guess I do still care about her. But, I love you. I'm with you. I want to stay with you."

"So you're telling me that you love me so much that when you felt guilty about remembering a past relationship that you lashed out at me?" John shook his head, then sat down on the couch. "Aren't you the man who told me that the past didn't matter? All that mattered was the here and now and our future together?"

Peter looked down at his hands, feeling even lower than he did before, "Yeah. I told you that. I'm sorry, John. Can you forgive me?"

"Peter, I have no problem accepting the fact that you loved other people or that you were with other people. If I had a problem with that, then I wouldn't be able to be around Reese, now would I?"

"No."

"I love you."

"I know. I love you. The question was if you could forgive me for being an asshole and a jerk?"

"Gee, let me think about that one for a little while. It's not like you've never been one before, especially toward me."

"I know. I've tried my best to make all that up to you."

"You've more than succeeded. But, this time..." John shook his head. He was more than ready to forgive Peter for anything and everything under the sun, but he didn't want Peter to know that. At least not yet.

Peter sat down beside John and cupped his cheek with his hand, "I will make it up to you, John. I promise you that."

"All I want is for you to trust me."

"I do."

"And for you to not be afraid of your memories."

"I'll try."

"And for you to be honest with me, to share things with me."

Peter grimaced, "The honest part I can do. The sharing part might be more difficult. I'll try."

John smiled, "I guess I can accept that."

"Thank you. I'll do my best not to let you down." Peter leaned forward and tenderly kissed John on the lips. John's arms encircled him, holding him close as he deepened the kiss.

"Now, I think we should go back to your place and see how many other ways you can think of to make this up to me," John said.

Peter shook his head, "I don't think so. There's a perfectly good bed in the basement."

"Uh, what about Kerry?"

"I don't want to make love with Kerry. I want to make love with you."

"I mean, won't she get suspicious if you're still here in the morning?"

"No. She basically gave me permission to spend the night. She knows that we're a couple, John. She asked me if I was the reason you were so moody and edge these past two weeks."

"And you told her yes?"

"Of course I did. Then she told me what a really great person you are and how lucky I am to have you. After that, she said she was going upstairs to take a very long bath and that she wouldn't be back downstairs until the morning. I don't think she'd be upset to find me at the breakfast table."

John blushed at that thought and Peter smiled. He had a feeling that he was going to have to do a lot of convincing in order to get John to agree to move in with him. He was certain that John wanted to be with him, but John still had his insecurities about other people knowing they were together. What a pity that Doug Ross had moved to the West Coast. Peter could have told him that he and John were in love and a couple and within hours the entire hospital would have known. It would have made things a lot simpler.

Peter stood, "I think we should go to bed."

"I need to get the lights. The door for the basement is in the kitchen."

"I've seen it before." Kerry had given Peter a short tour of the house when he and Lucy had been invited to dinner.

"I'll be right down." John promised as he stood and began to turn off the lights. When he got to his room, Peter already had the covers turned back and was sitting on the bed, taking off his shoes. He had thrown his coat over the back of the chair so John put his there as well.

"It's cold down here." Peter complained.

"It's not so bad once you get under the covers. It's when you have to get out from under the covers that the cold hits you hard."

"It's not the cold that has me hard right now, John."

"I thought you wanted to sleep," John smiled.

Peter shook his head, "I said we should go to bed. I never mentioned sleep." He reached out and pulled John to him, falling back on the bed so that John fell on top of him.

John lost all sense of time as he and Peter made love. It seemed as if an eternity had passed since Peter had rolled him over to his stomach and slowly entered him. Twice now John had been on the verge of a climax, but Peter had a firm grip on the shaft of his penis and every time he was ready to come, Peter had moved his hand to tightly squeeze the area where John's testicles were joined to his body, effectively cutting off the flow of semen. The result was that John had the orgasms, but no ejaculation and no lessening of his arousal. The second orgasm had been more intense than the first and John knew the next one would be even better. Every now and then, Peter would stop and just rest against his back. John figured that Peter was trying to keep his own climax from happening. One time he thought that he should tell Peter about his own technique for remaining hard, but it was a fleeting thought. It didn't matter anyway, because John could no longer talk coherently. Oh, there were sounds coming from his throat and mouth, but they bore no resemblance to any known language. He had been reduced to a pre-civilized state, devoid of language and reason. His only awareness being the beating of his own heart and the slow and firm thrusting of the man behind him. Rational thought was impossible as waves of pleasure radiated from his anus to his brain, then back down to settle in his groin. The waves were coming faster now, gaining intensity as his orgasm neared.

Peter smiled as he felt John's scrotum contract and begin to recede into his body, telling him that John was about to come. Not that he needed any physical sign to tell him that. The noises coming from John were increasing and Peter knew his lover wouldn't be able to take much more of this. It was just as well, because he couldn't take much more either. He would let John come this time. But, not yet. There was still something he wanted to ask John and he was more than willing to take advantage of John's diminished mental state in order to get the answer he wanted. Peter began to pull out of John, leaving only the tip of his penis inside. He waited to see how long it would take for John to figure out that he had stopped. It wasn't a long wait.

John had been teetering on the edge, getting ready to cross over to sweet release when Peter practically pulled out and stopped. Every fiber in John's body screamed with frustration and John instinctively tried to push his hips back, seeking Peter. But, Peter had him pinned to the mattress and was holding him there, preventing any movement on his part.

"No," a strangled whisper escaped John's mouth.

"Do you want to come now?" Peter asked.

"Yes," John's voice was thick with desire and he was close to tears. "Please."

"I want to be with you all the time. Will you move in with me? Tell me yes, John."

"Yes!" John cried. He would say yes to anything if it would result in Peter finishing what he had started. "Yes, oh God, yes! Yes, yes, yes."

Peter shifted position and began to enter John once more. It proved to be the undoing for them. Peter came as he began to thrust and he pushed forward quickly. He had been so close for so many different times that he thought he would never stop coming.

A redness entered John's mind as his orgasm hit with so much force that a scream arose in his throat. He never noticed it when Peter's hand covered his mouth, all he cared about was the sweet feeling of release as he was finally able to ejaculate and he rode the crest of pleasure to the warm afterglow of sex. He lay still upon the wet sheet, barely breathing as his heart raced.

"Baby, are you all right?" Peter removed his hand from John's mouth and rolled him over, afraid that he might have deprived John of much needed oxygen when he was trying to keep them from awakening Kerry.

John slowly smiled, "That was fucking fantastic."

Peter laughed, "Yeah, it was pretty good, wasn't it?"

"Give me a few hours and we can try it again."

Peter scoffed at that remark, "Baby, there's no way I'll be recovered enough to try anything in few hours. But, since you're moving in with me, we'll have plenty of opportunity to do this often."

Peter reached down to the foot of the bed, searching for the covers, then he pulled them up over them and snuggled next to John. "It's freezing down here."

"I wasn't cold a minute ago."

"I don't think you were even here a minute ago." Peter placed his hand on John's chest, feeling the still rapid beat of his heart. A heart that truly belonged to him. He grinned, then began to play with one of John's nipples. "So, how long will it take you to pack?"

"To pack what?" John asked. He was having trouble following Peter's change of topic, mainly because Peter was making it difficult for him to think again.

"To pack all your stuff. I want to move you in as soon as possible."

"Move me in where?"

"To my place. You agreed to move in with me, remember?"

"When?"

"Right before you came."

"I don't remember that."

"Well, you did. I asked you to move in with me. I believe your answer was 'Yes. Yes, oh God, yes.' There were a couple of more yes's in there, but I think you get the picture."

"I can't just move out, Peter. It wouldn't be fair to Kerry."

Peter scowled, "What kind of lease do you have?"

"Month to month, but I need to give her thirty days notice."

Peter smiled then, "That's not a problem. It's the end of February, you can give notice in the morning and pay for March. That will give her plenty of time to find a new boarder."

"But, if I pay her for March, then I can't help you out with your rent."

"I've already paid my March rent. I think we can start moving you in tomorrow." Peter lowered his mouth to the nipple nearest him and slowly sucked on it, pulling it upward and then lightly nipping it with his teeth.

"Um, Peter, if you aren't going to be recovered for a long time, then you probably shouldn't be doing that."

"Why not? I doubt if you're going to be able to do anything any time soon either."

"Guess again." John grabbed Peter's hand and placed it upon his obviously hard penis. He grinned at Peter's surprised expression.

"Damn, you are insatiable, aren't you?"

"I believe you've made that observation before."

"I was joking about it then. I'm not joking now. Well, let's see just how long you can last this time."

"I thought you couldn't get it up any more?" John's grin was wicked.

"I can't. But, my hands and mouth are in great shape." To prove his point, Peter captured John's other nipple in his mouth, giving it the same treatment its twin had received.

John sighed and resigned himself to the fact Peter had no intention of letting him get to sleep any time soon. As Peter's hands moved lower, John smiled, realizing that for the first time in his life, he was truly happy. And it was all due to the man who was driving him into a frenzy. He squeezed Peter's shoulders and Peter looked up at him.

"I love you, Peter Benton."

Peter grinned, content now that John had agreed to live with him. He would not be alone anymore. "John Truman Carter, I love you with all of my heart and soul." Then he lowered his head and took John into his mouth, reveling in the moans that elicited from John. John was his and he was John's and they would never, ever, be alone again.

The end.