TITLE: REVELATIONS 10: CONNECTION

SUMMARY: "Stark leaves and Crichton is left to pick up the pieces and discovers things are not quite what they seem."

SEQUEL to "ONE LAST TIME."

Rated: 'R' for slash overtones.

The usual disclaimers apply. No infringement of copyright is intended.

Comments to: AlisonMDobell@aol.com

"CONNECTION"
A "Farscape" slash story
Written by Alison M. DOBELL

* * * * *

He lay awake for a long time. The echo of Stark's arms still cradling him. His touch, his taste, his voice still lingering in his mind and on his skin. Every part of him was crying with the sense of loss, of abandonment, although this time his eyes were dry. He was all cried out. After their last night together Stark had been to see Zhaan. About what Crichton did not know until afterwards. When Zhaan had broken the news to him he had wept. Not openly as he had before, but deep in his heart where all the most beautiful things Heaven had ever created resided. Where all his dreams had found fulfillment in one perfect companion. He knew why he had left him but it did not ease the pain. Even though he understood on some level he could
not forgive him. It was stupid, irrational, and totally unfair but it gave him a focus. Now even that focus was disappearing. He could not stay angry with him. Could only ache with love for him. Grieving every microt of every arn that passed. He was not sure he could stand it. What good was survival if you were so unhappy that every breath you drew was agony?

Aeryn was worried. Had come from a blazing row with Zhaan which had left both of them upset though for different reasons. She stood for over an arn watching him from the doorway of his cell. He did not know she was there. One arm flung across his face as if to block out the whole damn universe. She knew he was awake, was tuned in to every emotion he was feeling in a way that was both beautiful and painful. A gift from Stark. A connection to help them both find their way back from the madness, only Crichton did not want to find his way back. Not even for Aeryn. Aeryn sighed, not sure what to do. Something penetrated the fog of emotional pain in him and he moved his arm. Bleary red rimmed eyes looked at her. Her heart tore at his distress. She walked over to him and hunkered down next to his bed. He looked so hurt, so lost, so terribly alone.

"Hey."

At first she thought he would not answer. That even she could not reach him.

"Hey."

His voice sounded raw but at least it was a response. She smiled gently and touched his face. He did not react, just looked into her eyes with a misery so total that it took her a few microts to speak. "I heard."

He watched the emotion in her eyes, his response silent but no less compelling. Telling her how much he loved Stark, how he did not think he could go on without him. She stroked his cheek, not knowing quite what to say but wanting to say something. To let him know she was there for him. A friend. A lover. A confidant. Whatever he needed. "I'm sorry, John."

He nodded and a solitary tear rolled down his face. She leant forward to kiss it, drying his cheek with her lips. Their eyes locked and time stood still. The ship no longer had any solidity beneath their feet. The passage of time vanished. Everything faded into insignificance around them. Crichton reached out and touched her hair, every thought ringing in her head in gentle nuances that made her soul sing. She held her breath and opened her heart so he could see the love, reach out and touch it with his mind and celebrate this moment of peace between them. This brief respite from the agony of living. He understood and kissed her gently. Her thoughts and his twinning in a resonance that was oddly symbolic of the entire journey they had taken to come to this point. Everything Stark had taught him added to that awareness. His eyes widened as he realised this was another gift. A form of healing. Aeryn smiled gently as his lips drifted away from her lips and brushed her cheek, then his eyes regarded her for the longest time as if drinking in every thought in her head, commiting it all to memory as he savoured it all and marvelled anew.

"This is so weird..." He whispered softly.

She angled her head as he cradled her cheek in one hand. His thumb gently brushing her cheek. "I miss him too," She confessed quietly. As if this were something she would never confess to another soul.

"You do?"

She nodded. "I can't even explain why. He just touched me in places no one else could ever reach. Places I did not even know existed inside of me."

He smiled and kissed her. He wanted to see those places. Touch what Stark had touched in her, share the echo of his thoughts as he made love to her. He pulled back gently. Not even sure if this was moral. "Aeryn.."

"It's alright, John."

He looked faintly surprised, one hand stroking back her hair. "You know what I'm thinking? What I want?"

She nodded.

"How do you feel about that?"

She turned her head slightly so she could kiss the palm of his hand. As her lips touched his skin he felt other lips superimposed on hers, a touch so rare he could not fail to recognise it. A shiver of joy sparkled deep within him. How the hell did you grasp still less understand something like this?

"How did you do that?"

She smiled at the awe in his voice. "Did you forget the gift he gave you?"

"Which one?"

A dry chuckle trickled out of her throat. He savoured it like a fine wine. She slowly started to paper kisses over his face as she answered him. "Remember the box?"

How could he forget? "Yeah."

"Stark had a key." She kissed his neck, nibbled gently along the jawline causing him to close his eyes. "So do I."

That made him open his eyes with a snap. She loved the look of surprise sparkling in the blue depths. Loved him so much. "You do?"

She nodded and sat on the bed. He sat up. He could not take his eyes off her. Every touch, every kiss, every word carrying an echo of Stark with it. How the hell had he managed to do that? What was it supposed to mean? Was he supposed to think of Aeryn as a substitute? He loved Aeryn, no question about it. Always had, right from the first moment he had set eyes
on her. Stark was different. Another level. Stark he adored. Why did he get the feeling, the weird but gloriously beautiful feeling, that even though his physical presence was gone he was still maniplutating things behind the scenes? Was that even possible or had he finally cracked up?

* * * * *

D'Argo was cross. His look an accusation as he glared darkly at Zhaan. They were in command with Chiana and Rygel. Zhaan had asked Pilot to request Aeryn and Crichton join them there.

"This will achieve nothing, Zhaan."

"You don't know that. We have to try."

"Why?" D'Argo snorted impatiently. "Stark left of his own free will. His future is no longer tied to ours."

She shook her head. "I disagree."

Rygel moved closer in his thronesled, his eyebrows drawn down in disapproval. "You are letting your feelings cloud your judgement, Zhaan. You have to let go."

"I did let go Rygel and look where it got us."

"And where exactly did it get us, Zhaan?"

Zhaan turned gratefully at the sound of Crichton's voice. Aeryn was with him. "John, Aeryn, thank you for coming." She paused a microt. "I think I've found a clue as to where Stark went."

Crichton nodded. "He's gone home, Zhaan."

Everybody turned to look at him. Zhaan looked surprised. "He told you?"

He shook his head. "No. I can't explain it, Zhaan, but it's what I feel."

She nodded as if his words made perfect sense. D'Argo looked at Chiana who shook her head. Rygel was impatient. "I was just telling Zhaan, this is a complete waste of time."

"Yeah well no one's asking you, Sparky."

Rygel looked indignant but was prevented from responding by Aeryn. "What changed your mind, Zhaan?"

Zhaan did not pretend not to know what she was refering to. Crichton realised this must have been part of what they had been quarrelling about. "You did, Aeryn. You were right and I was wrong."

The look on Aeryn's face was priceless. It was not every day you got an apology from a tenth level Delvian P'au. Especially one you rarely got on with. Chiana tilted her face as she looked at Aeryn. "We're going to Stark's home planet?" She looked intrigued. Riven with curiosity.

Zhaan inclined her head graciously, now back in control of herself. "Yes."

D'Argo still looked far from convinced. He folded his arms and looked at Zhaan. "Remind me one last time why we're doing this, Zhaan."

Crichton spoke instead. The emotion in his voice stopping any further argument. "Because I need to speak to him. If he isn't coming back I need him to tell me face to face."

* * * * *

It would take several Solar Days to reach Stark's home planet. Crichton thought it curious that no one had named it, as if like the former Banik slave it was equally as mysterious in its' origins. He found the idea somewhat appealing. Nothing short of appropriate. He was in Zhaan's apothecary. Needed to see her, to speak to her on her own. She probably knew Stark better than any of them, himself included. He knew they had shared unity and more than that. A level of understanding he was only just attaining but he was not there yet. Close but not quite there. Something she had told him before was bothering him. She was busy with her herbs but keenly aware of him, giving him time to think through what it was he wanted to say to her.

"Zhaan, I need to ask you something."

She looked up, her expression calm and genial. "Yes, John?"

"Something's been bothering me. You said that Stark would want to take me to his home with him and that when he did he would be outcast by his own people." He paused a microt. "Because of me."

She inclined her head slowly in agreement. "Yes."

"But they didn't."

Her busy hands stopped moving among the herbs. She looked at him as if sure she had misheard him. Her preparations forgotten. "Explain."

He stepped up to her so he could look right into her eyes, see the slightest change in her demeanour at close range. "We were together, Stark was showing me his soul I would call it, though to be honest Zhaan I'm not sure what to call it. I only know he taught me how to open up on levels I could not even imagine before. Then he took me on a journey through time and space and these other souls touched me. Moved through me. Spoke to me. I felt their thoughts sing through my mind, Zhaan. Weirdest thing I ever experienced but it also made me feel humble. Is any of this making any kind of sense to you?"

He was surprised to see moisture forming in her eyes. Stunned by what he said. Concern crept into his voice, his kindly face anxious for her. "Zhaan, are you alright?"

She nodded. It took her a moment to collect herself and find her voice. "They accepted you?"

He nodded. "I think so."

She straightened and looked at him properly. "You *think* so?"

"It was a little hard, Zhaan, it's not like I could see them. Everything was happening up here." He tapped his forehead. "And here." Now he tapped his heart.

She nodded, understanding. Zhaan took a seat and urged Crichton to sit next to her, then took his hand in hers. "If they approve of you this is a rare thing, a great honour." She paused and gave him a gentle smile, pleased for him though he was not quite sure why it was such a big deal. "Now. I want you to tell me all about it. And miss out nothing, John. This may be
important."

That made him smile. Miss out nothing. Seeing his smile she gently rested her forehead against his and smiled back, letting her love for him engulf them but not triggering unity. She wanted his mind clear. Only if his mind was clear would it be unbiased and only if it was unbiased would she see the truth. She knew he would never lie to her, but they might.

* * * * *

Aeryn was impatient. She paced Crichton's empty cell for the hundredth time. "Pilot, where is John now?"

Pilot's voice floated back to her over the coms system. Eternally patient. "He is still with Zhaan, Aeryn."

Frustrated she stopped pacing. <What in hezmana could they be talking about all this time?>

"They are in the apothecary." Added Pilot, helpfully.

"Thank you, Pilot. I'll wait."

Tactfully Pilot did not make any other suggestions. Aeryn sat on his bed, deep in thought. She was tired, the events of the last few weekens had taken their toll on her both mentally and physically. Not that she ever would have admitted it. She sighed, leaned back and closed her eyes for a microt.

* * * * *

Zhaan waited until Crichton had finished telling her all that had transpired. Her face shone, her beautiful blue skin acquiring a sheen that only made her seem more attractive if that were possible. "This could change everything, John."

He frowned. Not understanding. "How?"

"If his people approve of you they will not make Stark an outcast."

Crichton nodded. Pleased. One bit of good news was better than nothing. "That's good, Zhaan."

She nodded, her eyes shining. In that microt she looked almost mischievous. Crichton tilted his head as he looked at her, trying to figure out her mood. "What's the rest of it?"

"If they like you enough to let you become part of their joining it could solve all your problems."

"My problems?"

She beamed at him. "Whenever a Banik uses his mask the energy must be replenished or he will grow steadily weaker until he dies."

"Yeah, I remember you breaking the good news Zhaan."

She shook her head. "You don't understand, John. If his people accept you as Stark's partner then you will be joined into their collective consciousness. That means..."

He was catching on. "That they will give some of their energy too?"

Zhaan nodded. "The many will augment the few."

His expression started to brighten cautiously. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

She nodded, excited but trying to stay cautious just in case in did not work out that way. "Yes. Which would mean your lives would not be shortened. You could maintain your relationship for as long as you want."

Tears pricked his eyes. He was unable to speak. He could have Stark. Oh God, the thought was too beautiful to utter. He did not want to do anything to jinx the possibilities opening up in his mind. Zhaan cradled his cheek in her hand, the silver rings adorning his face by proximity and highlighting the colour of his eyes. Blue on silver becoming silvery blue, a lovely compliment to her own muted shades. At last he found his voice. "If that's true, Zhaan, then why did Stark leave?"

She stroked his cheek gently. "To petition his people."

It was so simple, so obvious that he could have kicked himself for not thinking of it. A smile spread slowly across his face. "Why didn't he tell me, Zhaan? God, I've been so terrified that I'd lost him."

Her smile vanished. "You still might, John."

He looked dazed. "What?"

"It is possible that despite approving of you that they would rule against you."

"Why?"

She paused. "You are not a Banik, John."

For a long time he just looked at her, his tears of joy clouding with a bright new pain. As if his fledgling hope had just been slaughtered out of hand. Her voice was soft. "We should hear something soon."

"How soon?"

She thought about that for a few microts. "Within the next Solar Day."

"How can you be so certain?"

She smiled at his surprise. "Because in another Solar Day we will be at Stark's homeworld. Then John, you can ask his people themselves."

He felt his palms go sweaty. <Oh God, time to meet the inlaws> Zhaan laughed lightly and kissed his cheek. "Go to bed, John. Get some sleep. You want to be awake when we get there, don't you?"

"Oh yeah, sure thing Zhaan."

She watched him walk away from her. He hesitated just inside the door and looked back at her. His gentle face solemn. "Thanks, Zhaan, I owe you one."

She inclined her head graciously in response and watched him go. He owed her one? One what? Zhaan shook her head, a gentle loving look suffusing her face with beauty and calm. She thought about all that Crichton had told her. Her busy fingers picking up where she had left off, a little smile playing on her lips at the thought that perhaps things could work out for them after all. She prayed to the Goddess that it would be so.

END