Title: Family Secrets

Authors: Creed Cascade and TJ

Fandom: Fastlane

Pairing: Van Ray/Deaqon Hayes

Rating: NC-17

Status: new

Archive: If you want it, go ahead. Just knock me upside the head and let me know.

Feedback: creed_cascade@hotmail.com and TazzyJan@aol.com

Other websites: http://insaneasylum.slashfanfiction.com

Disclaimers: We have a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy. You don't ask where we get these strange plots starring mysteriously familiar characters, and we won't tell you that I make no money, only deliriously happy satisfaction. Very hush-hush.

Notes: "Folly To Be Wise" and "Ignorance Is Bliss".

Summary: Family secrets can be painful as Van and company soon find out.



Family Secrets
by Creed Cascade and TJ


“Deeeeeaq!” Van whined as he writhed against his restraints. “I don’t think garland is meant to be used like that… and it’s itchy!”

"Alright," Deaq relented, letting it uncoil from around Van's cock and balls. "Itchy is definitely not the sensation I was goin' for." He replaced the garland with his hand and was rewarded with a shuddering sigh from Van. Even tied down, his lover still managed to get his way.

“And what were going for exactly?” Van laughed. “You’re the one who has me tied up like a turkey under the Christmas tree.”

"I was going for the whole naughty but nice thing," Deaq smiled. "Oh well. Guess I'll just have to fuck you instead." Reaching down, he grabbed Van under the knees and pulled his legs up so that they rested against his shoulders. He snagged the lube he had set out earlier and covered his cock with it. Van was already nice and loose from Deaq's earlier ministrations so he didn't have to worry about that.

“Torture… this is fucking torture,” Van wailed in a whining tone.

"Won't be for long, baby," Deaq said as he leaned forward and placed the head of his cock at Van's waiting hole. He met very little resistance as he slid inside, Van's body was now accustomed to this act. A few seconds later, Deaq was all the way in and staring down into Van's eyes.

“You’re killin’ me here,” Van continued to whine and writhe against the bonds. Whenever Deaq tied him up like this, Van liked to play a little reluctant. “Maybe I don't want this?”

"Don't want this, huh?" Deaq grinned down at him. It had taken him a while to get used to Van like this. The first time he'd done it Deaq had stopped, thinking he really was forcing something on Van. A very long talk later, he understood. If Van really didn't want it, he'd come right out and say it.

“No,” Van huffed, but arched his back anyway.

"Too bad," Deaq said, thrusting his hips forward hard. "Cause you're gonna get it whether you want it or not." He pulled out and thrust in again, hard and fast, just the way Van liked it. His lover was writhing around under him like a cat in heat and it turned Deaq on like nothing else.

“Bastard!” Van hissed and moved his hips in time with Deaq’s thrusts, trying to drive the cock in deeper. He loved Deaq for letting him loose control sometimes. “Fucking bastard!”

"You love it and you know it," Deaq sneered. "You can't get enough of this cock up your ass, white boy. Now take it." He began to thrust into Van even faster, giving his lover what he wanted. Afterward they'd spend long hours stroking and petting each other but right now they both wanted it down and dirty.

“I’m not some fag,” Van denied, thrashing his head back in force. His denial was in direct opposition to his needy whimpers.

"You are now," Deaq said. He leaned in close so his face was just inches from Van's. "You're my fag now, boy. I own your ass and I'll fuck it any damn time I want."

The front door creaked open just enough at that exact moment so that the person on the other side could hear Deaq’s last statement. Vivian had gotten a copy of Van’s key from Ray Ray who didn’t even know she’d slipped it away from him.

"No," Van said again, writhing against Deaq in a parody of resistance. He was close to cumming and he hoped Deaq was, too. He loved it that Deaq would give him this, let him lose himself in his head like this.

“You can’t say *no* to me,” Deaq hissed as he pounded into Van. “You don’t have the right… you belong to me!”

Vivian stared, wide-eyed, at the scene before her. It was every mother's worst nightmare. Her baby boy was tied down and being brutalized in his own home. Clutching her purse tightly, she moved up behind the man assaulting her son and hit him as hard as she could with it. She heard the bottle inside shatter as the man was knocked to the side and she rushed to Van.

It took a few seconds for Van to realize what was happening. One minute he was writhing around so close to the edge and then a dark figure moved over them, striking at Deaq until his lover collapsed over him. Van struggled against his bonds and cried out, “Deaq!

*

"Hush, baby. Momma's here," Vivian soothed. She tried not to look at her son's abused body, concentrating instead on the leather restraints that bound him. They were easy to undo and she quickly had her son free.

Van pushed his mother away so hard she fell back and cradled Deaq’s unconscious form in his lap. “Get away from me, bitch!”

"Donovan!" Vivian shrieked, floored by her son's reaction as she recovered her balance. "What did this... this animal do to you? I'm calling the police." She stood and looked around the room for the phone. She would get this animal taken away then she could see to her boy.

“We *are* the police, Vivian,” Van snapped. He was about ready to call an ambulance himself, but he could feel Deaq waking up already.

"That... that animal is a police officer?" she gasped, horrified.

“He’s my partner,” Van hissed, never taking his eyes off his lover and caressed his face. “C’mon, Deaq. Wake up now.”

"Oh shit..." Deaq moaned as he started to come around. "Van? What happened?"

“You just met my mother,” Van quipped, feeling Deaq’s head. He was relieved to see there was no blood, but a large lump was forming.

"Oh shit," Deaq said again. "Man, we gotta get the locks changed around here. I can't take any more of your family walkin' in on us."

“Donovan, who in the hell is this man!” Vivian demanded with a shriek, stomping her heeled foot for effect.

"This man, mother, is my partner. His name is Deaqon Hayes and you should be damn glad he's not hurt too badly or you'd be the one going to jail. Now have a seat somewhere. We'll talk when we're dressed." Van stood up, ignoring the fact that he was completely naked and helped Deaq to his feet. He kept a hand on Deaq's arm, not wanting to risk him falling and injuring himself further.

“At least you’re calling me mother now and not Vivian,” she shot back. Her son usually called her Vivian. She was the one who’d insisted on it when he was a child, not wanting the people around her to think she had a kid. She moved over to the closest chair and sat down. She was dressed head to toe in pink, from her pink strappy stilettos to her spandex pants and tube top. She opened her matching purse and pulled out an extra slim menthol and lit it, taking a deep drag.

Van ignored her and led Deaq into the bedroom. Once the door was safely closed and locked he wrapped his arms around Deaq and simply held him. His body was still strung tight from being denied release and he started to shake. What if his mom had had a gun? Deaq could very well be on his way to the morgue right now.

Deaq clung to Van, not believing their bad luck. It was like some sad story, first Billie and then Ray Ray walking in on them, and now Vivian, but nothing was more strange than real life. “So that’s your Mama?”

"Yeah," Van said against Deaq's chest. "Pathetic, isn't she?"

She looked like an old hooker, with beached blonde hair and too much make up. “Maybe, but you still love her, don’t ya?”

"I don't know if I'd go that far," Van said softly. He let go of Deaq and took a step back. "I want to kill her right now for what she did to you. Fucking bitch."

“Think about what she musta thought I was doin’ to you,” Deaq hedged.

"I don't care," Van said hotly. "She was never there for me when I needed her and I sure as hell don't need her now. Damn it, Deaq! She could have killed you."

“Shush now,” Deaq tried to calm Van. His lover always got overly emotional and it wasn’t good for him. “I’ve had worse.”

"She scared me, Deaq," Van admitted. "All of a sudden there she was and you were lying on your side not moving. I didn't know what had happened."

“Do you want me to go out there and ask her to leave?” Deaq asked. It was supposed to be Christmas and Van was getting far too worked up.

"No," Van sighed. "I can throw her out myself. Just as soon as I get that key away from her. But first, I want to take care of you." Van took Deaq by the hand and guided him over to the bed. He laid his partner down and carefully straddled him.

“Van, baby, what are you doing?” Deaq croaked.

"Gonna finish what we started," Van said. He reached behind him and lifted Deaq's cock. He positioned it at his hole then slid backward, engulfing it in one easy move.

Deaq cried out again and hardened even more. He couldn’t believe they were doing this with Van’s mother in the next room, but, when he saw the look on Van’s face, he knew that was exactly why they were doing it. “Want… me to… be noisy?” he grunted as Van started to ride him.

"What... whatever you want," Van said. His own cock was getting hard again as he rode up and down on Deaq. He could feel his lover's hard cock burrowing up inside him and he moaned loudly himself.

“Do ya like the idea of gettin’ back at her?” Deaq pressed.

"Yeah," Van admitted as he slid up and down on Deaq. "But I like the idea of fucking my lover even more. This ain't about her, Deaq. It's about us."

“Then show me who you really need,” Deaq demanded. “Make us both cum.”

Van didn't need any more urging. He closed his eyes and threw back his head as he rode Deaq hard and fast. They were both so close and he wanted to take them over the edge. He could feel Deaq start to swell inside him and slammed down roughly.

“FUCK!” Deaq groaned out loudly, feeling himself emptying into Van. He quickly grasped Van’s own cock and soon his lover was spilling his essence over his chest.

"Deaqon!" Van cried out as he came. He could feel his own body tightening around Deaq's cock as well as that cock continuing to pulse inside him. By the time it was over he was draped across Deaq, panting harshly.

Deaq was petting his head as Van gasped, trying to regain his breath. “Do ya feel better now?” Deaq asked, hoping Van had burned off some of his anger and energy.

"Yeah," Van sighed. "Still wanna kill her for hitting you, though. Guess I better get dressed and get out there before she comes in here after me."

“At least I can tell you got your fashion sense from Ray Ray,” Deaq quipped. “And, up until now, I didn’t think that was anything to be proud of.”

"Don't remind me," Van said. He carefully moved forward until Deaq's softening cock slid from his body. He moaned at the sudden empty feeling, his ass spasming. He always hated separating.

“Maybe she’ll be gone by the time we get out there?” Deaq asked hopefully.

"Right," Van scoffed as he got up and began hunting for clothes for them to wear. "This is *my* mom we're talking about. Do you really think she'd just take off after all that?"

“I don’t know…” Deaq said and then thought of something. He gave Van a wary look. “You got your temper from her, didn’t you? That’s why that’s, like, the only person Ray Ray’s afraid of.”

"How'd you guess?" Van smirked. "Guess some things really are genetic." He threw Deaq a shirt and a pair of sweats and started to dress. The sooner he got this over with the sooner he could throw her out and get back to their Christmas celebration.

When they went back into the living room, Vivian was sitting where they had left her, calmly puffing away on her cigarette. She looked at her son and Deaq with a raised eyebrow. “Your good for nothing father had said you were seeing someone.”

"Gee, Mom, how nice to see you," Van snarked. "So what, you thought you'd come around and see for yourself? Maybe next time you should try knocking."

“I *was* going to surprise you,” Vivian countered. “And since when do Ray’s knock?”

"Since now," Van said as he walked over and held out his hand. "I don't know how you got it, but I want the key."

Vivian reached in to her purse and pulled out a key dripping in vodka. “You’re lucky my smokes didn’t get wet. And I made a key when Ray Ray was passed out after I’d sucked his brains out through his cock.”

"You know, Mom, that's a mental picture I could do without," Van said with a grimace. He took the key and tossed it onto the counter. "I'll be sure to get Dad's key the next time I see him. Better yet, we'll just change the damn locks."

“Call me Vivian,” she corrected absently. “So he’s the one your father raved about? I would have expected a bimbo with big boobs for Ray Ray to like anyone you fucked.”

"Yeah, well, I never did take after Dad too much," Van shot back.

“And he’s a cop?” Vivian asked, not bothering to hide the distaste in her voice.

"Yes, he is a police officer just like I am," Van replied.

Vivian sighed. “Don’t remind me. I still don’t see why you didn’t go into either of the family businesses. You were smart and pretty enough.”

"Because I didn't want to be a crook or a whore," Van spat. "Look, did you come here for something? Because if not, then could you please get the hell out. Deaq and I would like to get back to what we were doing."

“Oh really?” Vivian snorted very unladylike. “You mean with you being a whore? I can say I was never that desperate and you know better, I’m a con-artist, not a whore.”

"Bullshit," Van said angrily. "You've always been a whore. And what Deaq and I do together is none of your fucking business."

“You’re my son, whatever you do is my fucking business. Maybe I misjudged you, Donovan. After seeing you in action, you could make a lot of money on your back begging for it from some old sugar daddy…”

"Okay, you wanna watch your mouth?" Deaq broke in. He'd had just about as much of this as he could take. He hadn't let Billie run Van down and he wasn't about to let this bitch do it. "You got no right coming up in here and saying this shit to him."

“Don’t I?” Now Vivian laughed. “Who do you think was the one to hook him up with his first mark when he was fifteen? If I’d know he’d swung this way, we could have made more money off of that old bat’s husband than her.”

Deaq turned to stare at Van and watched as his partner turned his face away. He could see the embarrassed flush and knew that Vivian was telling the truth. Deciding that enough was enough, he stood and grabbed Vivian by the arm. Rather urgently, he propelled her to the door and pushed her outside. "Don't come back," he said as he slammed the door in her face.

When Deaq turned around, Van was hugging himself, facing away from him. “I’d understand if you wanna go now,” he said flatly.

Deaq walked up behind Van and slipped his arms around him. He let his head come to rest on Van's shoulder and held him. "I ain't leavin'. Now, you wanna tell me what that was all about? Or would you rather we just pretend it never happened?"

“It’s pretty hard to pretend it didn’t happen when my past keeps breaking in,” Van snorted. He clung to Deaq’s arms as if to stop him from getting away. “It’s the sad, pitiful truth.”

"I don't give a shit about your past, man," Deaq told him. "All I care about is you. That bitch better never show her face around her again."

“The funny part is,” Van gave a sharp laugh. “I thought I wasn’t committing a crime.”

"You were a kid, Van. She said you were what, fifteen? It ain't your fault your mama and daddy used you like that. You should have been able to trust them. They were supposed to protect you, not turn you out."

“It wasn’t turning out,” Van repeated what his mother had said to him thousands of times. “We weren’t ever supposed to accept cash. She introduced me to this old lady she said would give me gifts if I was nice to her and did *everything* she asked.”

"Van, I swear to God, your mama shows her face around here again I'll bust her myself," Deaq vowed angrily. "That's the same damn thing and you know it. Damn, baby, what the hell kind of monsters raised you?"

“I could’ve had it worse,” Van shrugged. He’d known other kids who’d had it far worse. Kids he’d played with had ended up tricking or running for the mob. Half of them hadn’t lived to see thirty.

"Yeah," Deaq said softly. "You know it don't matter to me, right, baby? I don't care about your past."

“You don’t?” Van asked. “You’re talking about someone who was raised around criminals and I ain’t so lily white.”

"That don't matter," Deaq said stubbornly. "I love you. That includes whatever baggage you got with you."

“That’s a lot of baggage,” Van laughed. “If you even wanted to stay with me that long, you know what they say about kids turning into their parents…”

"There is no way in hell you could ever turn in to either one of them," Deaq said. "You're a better man than that. You ain't no crook and you ain't no whore. No matter how hard they tried to turn you into one."

“I don’t know about the whore part,” Van muttered under his breath.

"Talk to me, baby. Tell me what's goin' through that head of yours right now."

“Nothin,” Van said and then plastered on a smile. “Nothin’ at all.”

"Wrong answer, Van," Deaq admonished gently. "Talk to me. Why do you think you're a whore?"

Van stiffened and shrugged, the fake smile falling off his face. He both hated and loved that he couldn’t con Deaq. “I’ve just slept around a lot.”

"Uh huh," Deaq said, not sure if he believed that was all Van meant or not. "In that case, I'm just as much a whore as you are. I ain't exactly been celibate myself."

“It’s different for you,” Van argued.

"How? Fucking around is fucking around," Deaq argued. He knew if he kept picking at Van's excuses eventually the man would spill whatever was at the heart of the matter. He just had to be patient.

“I… I don’t want to talk about this right now,” Van said and then put on a face that usually worked with Deaq. He smiled at him sexily and squeezed Deaq’s cock through his pants. “Why talk when we could be doing better thing? You could finish what you wanted to do with that garland…”

"Now that is tempting," Deaq said, rubbing against Van. "But I want to know what you meant first. If you're a whore, you're my whore and I wouldn't trade you for anything."

Van’s smiled turned genuine as Deaq started to respond. He worked his hand into the sweatpants and started to stroke Deaq’s cock. “C’mon, Deaq… we don’t need to talk now.”

"Oh fuck, baby..." Deaq groaned. "This... this conversation ain't over." With that, he let his hands slide down to Van's ass and squeezed it hard. He'd just cum an hour ago and Van had him ready to go again. All he could think of was burying his cock inside his lover's tight, hot ass until he filled him up with cum.

“Yeah, it is,” Van smiled sadly for a second before locking in a false smile, but inside he wanted to scream or cry. This was why he was a whore because of this ability to get what he wanted by using his body. He did it so well and it didn’t matter if he exchanged it for cash or not, he was still a whore.

Deaq heard something in Van's voice and forced himself to stop. He looked into his lover's troubled green eyes and frowned. "No, I don't think so," he said. "I think maybe we need to talk about this now. I don't like anything that makes you this unhappy."

“I’m not unhappy,” Van denied immediately. “C’mon, Deaq… you could lay me out over the back of the couch, you like that.And I’m still wet and stretched from last time.”

"No," Deaq said firmly. He pulled Van's hand away from his crotch and began leading him toward the kitchen. "First we talk."

“Deaq?” Van protested as he followed behind his lover. He didn’t know how to react. Deaq had never turned him down like this before.

Deaq sat Van down at the table then took the chair across from him. He never let go of Van's hand, wanting his lover to physically feel their connection. As he looked into Van's worried face, he spoke. "Nothing you tell me will change the way I feel about you. Now talk."

“I… I…” For the first time in a long time, Van was at a loss for words. What were you supposed to say about something you despised about yourself, but was so integral to who you were and something you were so good at?

"Take your time," Deaq said softly. "You got nothing to worry about here, Van. Nothing you say is gonna change anything between us. Not if you tell me you used to hook on a street corner. Not if you tell me you dealt. Not if you tell me you ran numbers for your old man. Nothing."

“We’ve never had an argument,” Van blurted out suddenly.

"Not as lovers, no," Deaq agreed. "We had quite a few when we first became partners, though. What's that got to do with anything?"

“It has everything to do with it,” Van smiled sadly. “What happens when we start to argue… as lovers?”

"The same thing that happens when anybody else does. We fight. We make up. We have great make up sex. Wait... you worried I'll use whatever you tell me against you? Is that it?"

“No… but think about it,” Van said quietly. “Do we *really* fight? I mean like we can at work?”

"You're losing me here, Van. What are you trying to get at?"

“At work we fight sometimes so bad we’ve gotten into a boxing match… or broken a hell of a lot of other shit,” Van started. “It actually reminds me of the way my parents got on. Like two pitbulls in rut. But off the clock, we… never even really get to the point of raising our voices. I’m usually flat on my back before that happens.”

"So we sublimate our frustrations through sex. What's wrong with that? It keeps us from fighting. Not like we can catch a quick one at work when we're pissed off."

“I do it intentionally,” Van said quickly. “I seduce you so we won’t fight.”

"You what? Damn..." Deaq said, stunned. He turned away a bit, trying to take in what Van had just told him. All those times they'd been angry and edgy and ended up in bed... and Van hadn't wanted any of them.

“So you see why I’m a whore?” Van continued. “Emotional blackmail. Gettin’ the mark… doesn’t matter… I’ll use my body and I’m damn good at it.”

"You're not a whore," Deaq said quietly, unable to look at Van. He felt icy fingers clutch at his heart. What the hell kind of man was he to use Van like that against his will? It made him sick to think about it. "I'm sorry I hurt ya, baby. I really thought you wanted it."

“Wanted what?” Van was at a loss, then snorted. “Oh… of course I always wanted it. Needed it actually… another sign of a good whore. Before you it was the only way I could get people to stick around.”

"You don't have to do that to get me to stay," Deaq said. "I swear I'll never leave you. And from now on, we don't do anything unless you want to do it. You don't have to distract me to keep us from fighting."

Van mistook Deaq’s closed expression and the fact that the man wouldn’t look at him. “You’re disgusted with me.”

"No," Deaq said quickly, whipping his head around to stare at Van. "I told you, it doesn't make a difference. I don't care what they made you do. I'm just... just having a hard time accepting some of the things I've done to you. I really thought you wanted it all those times."

“Maybe you’re not understanding me,” Van’s voice rose a little. “I’m a whore… a slut. I’ve wanted what you did to me and more! It’s part of what I am.”

"Stop it!" Deaq snapped. "You're not a whore. You're not!"

“I was thinking more along the lines of a dirty little fag!” Van snapped back. His insecurities about how he dressed, talked and acted hadn’t gone anywhere. His mother’s appearance just added to the ever growing list that haunted him.

"So you're a dirty little fag, huh?" Deaq shot to his feet and towered over Van. His hands automatically clenched into fists as he tried to reign in his temper. "Just what the hell does that make me?"

Van couldn’t help when he flinched away and whispered, “A real man.”

"A real man," Deaq said in disgust. "Right. That's why I fuck my fag lover every chance I get. If you're a dirty little fag then either I am, too, or I'm the asshole that's using you. You can't have it both ways, baby. Whatever you think you are, I am, too."

“I… I… don’t know anything anymore,” Van said, his voice cracking and tears starting to shine in his eyes. “Man, I’m so fucked up.”

Deaq looked down at his lover and his anger melted away. Van looked so lost and Deaq felt his heart break. Reaching out, he pulled Van into his arms and held him. "It's okay," he whispered. "I've got ya, baby. Fucked up or not, you're mine and that ain't gonna change."

“I don’t *like* what I am,” Van sniffled against Deaq’s chest. “But I don’t know if I can change it Or if I even want to.”

"What don't you like?" Deaq asked. This was the first time Van had ever said anything like this. It bothered him that his lover didn't like something about himself. Especially something as fundamental as his sexuality.

“Pick just one?” Van snorted, but burrowed farther into the folds of Deaq’s shirt. “The way I dress. I dress like a slut cause I like the way people look at me… the way *you* look at me. Same reason I keep my hair longer.”

"So you only dress the way you do because it makes me look at you?" Deaq asked. "If that's the case then wear what you want. I'd look at you if you were wearing a burlap sack. But, Van, dressing to make people look at you, there's nothing wrong with that. Why do you think people get all dressed up to go out clubbing? To make people look. It don't make you a slut."

“My dad always said I looked and acted like a girl,” Van mumbled. “Vivian said she’d always wanted a girl.”

"I swear if that bitch shows her face here again I'll..." Deaq trailed off, unable to think of anything bad enough he could actually do to a woman. "I'll make her sorry she ever hurt you."

“She used to dress me up when I was little,” Van whispered the confession he’d never told anyone.

Deaq tensed. He squeezed Van even tighter. That explained part of Van's obsession over how he was dressed. "You know," he began carefully, "there's no statue of limitations on child abuse. Say the word, and I'll have that bitch in jail by tonight."

“And say what? She raised a cross dressing, gay slut?” Van snorted in self-deprecation.

"That she abused you," Deaq said patiently. "That she dressed you up like a girl and made you prostitute yourself. That's abuse. If you knew some kid was going through that right now, wouldn't you stop it?"

“Yeah, but…”

"But what?" Deaq prodded gently.

“But they’d be worth protecting.”

"You're worth protecting," Deaq told him. "You don't want to press charges and go through all that, that's fine. But I'll make that bitch pay for what she did. Her and Ray Ray both."

“It doesn’t matter,” Van protested. “I just can’t believe I’m acting like a big baby over this.”

"It does matter. It matters a hell of a lot. We're changing those fucking locks today. I won't let her hurt you again."

Van tightened his grip on Deaq’s waist to keep him close. “Ya know… you make me happy. I know you indulge and humour me…”

"That's cause I love you," Deaq said, petting Van's head.

“Like when I bought that new shirt a few days back…”

"What about it? I like that shirt." Deaq knew exactly what shirt Van was referring to. He thought his lover had had Billie in mind when he bought it. The lavender and green would certainly make her cringe when she saw it.

“But you bought it for me,” Van continued. “And you followed me around the store without complaining for like an hour.”

"Yeah, so?" Deaq shrugged. "You were shopping."

“Guys aren’t supposed to like shopping, but I do. I know you don’t, but you just let me have fun. No one’s ever done that for me.”

"I like making you happy. It makes me feel good when I see you all smilin' and excited about something."

Van groaned, embarrassed by the way he acted and buried his back against Deaq’s chest. “Sorry about that,” he mumbled. He knew he acted like a little kid or a puppy on crack, but he couldn’t help it.

"Don't," Deaq admonished softly. "I like seeing you happy. If you stop showing it, I'll have to work even harder at making you smile. I enjoy seeing the people I love happy. That's what makes *me* happy. Okay?"

“I embarrass you,” Van mumbled, still against Deaq’s chest. He was drooling a little and getting Deaq’s shirt wet. “And myself when I act out of line.”

"You've never embarrassed me. Not once. Come on, Van. Where's all this coming from? Is it just because of what that bitch said?"

Van pulled away and looked up at Deaq. “Said too much again, huh? I’m sorry.”

"Don't apologize," Deaq whispered. He stroked Van's face, trying to think of some way to reassure his lover. Van had so many insecurities all wrapped up inside him thanks to the two idiots he got stuck with as parents. Deaq felt it was his job now to try and make those insecurities fade away.

“I try, Deaq, I really do,” Van said, leaning into Deaq’s touch. “I try to be the person I want to be and not the person I am.”

"Baby, I like the person you are. I like him a lot." Leaning down Deaq slowly brought his lips to Van's. He kissed him softly, letting it build gradually until they were both clutching each other hard. Enough talk. It was time to show Van how much he was loved and Deaq thought he knew just how to do it.

Deaq was about to lead Van back into the bedroom when they heard a loud banging on the front door. Some was pounding on the thick door and perhaps even kicking it. The loud noise made Van jump and skitter away from Deaq.

"Wait here," Deaq said as he let go of Van and went to see who was trying to break down their door. He hoped it was Van's mother coming back just so he could slap the bitch.

But Van didn’t listen very well to anyone and he followed on Deaq’s heels. If it was his mother, he wanted to keep her away from Deaq and if it was one of his mother’s many “boyfriends” sent to get even, well then, he’d take the beating for Deaq. “I’ll answer the door, Deaq.”

"The hell you will," Deaq said, grabbing Van by the arm. "You wanna come with me, fine. But you stay behind me. That could be anyone."

The look in Deaq’s eye made Van nod clumsily as Deaq opened the door and came face to face with Ray Ray. “What the fuck where you thinkin’!” Ray Ray shouted.

Deaq's fist shot out before he could even think about it, slamming into Ray Ray's face. He watched in satisfaction as the man staggered back, cupping his nose. Deaq took a step forward, out into the hall, hands balled into fists. It was time for a little payback for Van.

“Deaq!” Van moved forward to hold Deaq back. “Deaq, don’t…”

"Come on, old man," Deaq snarled at Ray. "I can't believe you let her do that shit to him, you fucking bastard."

Ray Ray was clutching his bleeding nose and trying to stagger to his feet. “What? What?! So she bitched him out. Big fuckin’ deal. It’s what she does!”

"Bitch him out?" Deaq stormed, trying to jerk away from Van. "Old man, don't even try to tell me you didn't know what she did to him. If it was up to me, I'd have both your asses in jail for child abuse."

“You’ve been givin’ your *boyfriend* sob stories again about how hard you life was, *Donny*,” Ray Ray accused. “Been cryin’ on his shoulder about movin’ around a lot and havin’ dirty parents? I might have been in the can a good chunk of your growin’ up, but I made sure you had food on the table and a roof over your head!”

"Deaq!" Van called out sharply when it looked like Deaq was going to attack his father again. "Can we please take this inside? I really don't want the neighbours hearing my life story."

Ray Ray pushed past Deaq and stood in the middle of the living room. “I think it’s broken,” he complained, playing with his nose. “If he didn’t, then your mother did when she belted me. What is it with this family? I can’t go through the holidays without a fuckin’ bruise and now your big, butch boyfriend got his panties in a twist cause he found out what a bitch your mother is!”

"What I want to know is how you could have left him there with her?" Deaq said, venom in his voice. "I really believed that shit you said about caring about him but he was just a kid."

“She’s his mother,” Ray Ray spat, as if that explained everything. “A kid needs his mother. Sure she may be a lush and a slut, but she loved him. And she was there… that’s more than I could do locked up.”

"You really don't know, do you?" Deaq asked, some of the fight going out of him. He thought for sure Ray Ray must have known but the man gave no indication. Deaq glanced at Van and from the sick look on his face wondered if he shouldn't have kept his mouth shut.

“Know what?” Ray Ray asked suspiciously. “I know Vivian wasn’t faithful. And I know she wasn’t very good at hiding it. But I did the right thing by her and Van, I married the bitch, didn’t I?”

"It's not important," Van said quickly, starting to panic. He'd always told himself that his dad didn't know what was going on. It was one of the things that had helped him make it through. Now that it was confirmed, he didn't want to change it. He didn't want Ray Ray to know what she'd tried her best to turn him into.

“Donovan!” Ray Ray snapped, making sure to stay away from the diminutive his son hated. He never liked Vivian and the feeling was mutual on her side. They lusted after each other, the end result being one Donovan Ray. He’d always known she wasn’t June Cleaver, but he always thought she’d done her best. After all, who couldn’t love a little kid with green doe eyes? “What did that bitch do?”

"It's nothing, Dad, really," Van replied. "It was a long time ago... it doesn't matter now." He looked to Deaq, somehow hoping his partner could fix things. He always turned to Deaq when he was in a tight spot and this time was no different.

Ray Ray sighed. His son could be so tight lipped when he wanted to be. He looked over at his son’s lover and decided he knew who wore the pants in this relationship. “Okay, big shot. *You* tell me.”

Deaq glared at Ray then turned to Van. "You want me to tell him, baby?" he asked carefully. If Van said no, he wouldn't do it. He thought Ray Ray had a right to know what had been done to his son but not at Van's expense. If Van said no the man would just have to beat the information out of Vivian. Deaq thought he might just help him.

Van was so nervous he was biting the skin around this his nails, with his arms crossed over his chest, rocking slightly. He was looking between his father and Deaq, his breathing becoming more faltered. He would *not* have a panic attack. He would not! Oh great, he was having a panic attack.

"Hey, now, don't do that," Deaq said, recognizing the signs. He took Van by the hand and led him to the couch. Sitting his lover down, he knelt in front of him and wrapped his arms around him. "I won't tell him if you don't want me to."

“T-Tell h-him,” Van managed to gasp out as he clung to Deaq. If his father was going to run again, he might as well run knowing the full truth of what his son was.

"Son... talk to me..." Ray said, approaching the two men. He didn't like this. He'd seen Van panic like this before but not since he was a little kid. A sick feeling began to form in the pit of his stomach. There was more to this than just Viv being a bitch and Ray Ray wasn't sure if he was ready to know.

Van hid his face against Deaq’s neck and mumbled, “You were right about me as a kid. All that stuff you used to say was true.”

"What stuff?" Ray asked, confused for a moment then he began to understand. He smiled at his son and reached out to grasp his shoulder lightly. "Son, I kinda figured that considerin' you got a guy for a lover and all. It's okay if you're gay. That don't change the fact that you're my son and I love ya."

Van stiffened under his father’s touch. “You always said I acted like a girl,” Van said barely above a whisper.

"Ah, come on, that was just me running my mouth. You know how I am. I didn't mean nothin' by it," Ray Ray said. He felt his son stiffen but didn't pull his hand away. Sometimes his Donny just needed a little time to get used to a touch before settling into it. He'd learned that the hard way the first time he came back from being in the joint. It had taken his boy weeks to get used to his touch again.

“You always used to say mom wanted a girl… that she used to treat me like a girl,” Van started. “You called me soft… sensitive. I had reason to be…”

"Donovan, I want you to look at me and tell me what that woman did to you," Ray Ray said. He tightened his grip on Van's shoulder, wanting to convey his support to his son. If that bitch had hurt his boy in some way he'd make her regret ever being born.

Van gathered his nerve and looked his father in the eye. “She tried to make me into her image,” Van finally said. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything more direct just yet. It was too hard to even admit this secret from his past.

"Are you tellin' me... Donovan... are you tellin' me she tried to make you inta a girl or something?" Ray Ray asked.

“Kinda. She used to dress me up like a little doll when I was younger, but then I hit puberty and she didn’t try much any more. Why do you think I always had my hair long? When I was about fifteen she started introducing me to her ‘lady friends’. You’d been sent up and she was gettin’ older… found it harder to find marks to milk herself anymore,” Van admitted.

Ray Ray took a step back and his legs seemed to give out. He ended up on his backside on the floor staring up at his son. "Sweet Jesus..." he whispered as Van's words sank in.

“Guess I followed in her footsteps after all,” Van gave a sharp sad snort, looking away from his father’s shocked face.

Ray Ray was up on his knees, pushing Deaq aside before either man could react. "I'm sorry," he said as he pulled his son in close. "If I'da known I'd never have left you with that bitch. I swear to God, I wouldn't a left ya with her."

“I’ve never known anything else,” Van tried to calm his father down, retuning the tight hug. “It wasn’t so bad.”

"Wasn't so bad..." Ray Ray repeated, the words like a knife in his heart. "No wonder you couldn't stand the sight of me when you got older. You musta thought I knew everything she was doin' to ya and just didn't give a damn."

“Everybody knew,” Van shrugged. “A couple of the guys tried to interfere, but you know how Vivian is when someone gets between her and money.”

"Everybody knew?" Ray Ray repeated. "Why the hell didn't they say something to me? I'd have stopped her. I'd have taken you away from there. Hell, I'd'a probably killed the bitch."

“They didn’t try very hard cause they thought it was every teenaged boy's dream to be fucking around,” Van said. “And you said yourself, they mentioned I was… sensitive. Vivian told them I was a fag and she was trying to cure me of liking boys.”

"I'm gonna kill her," Ray Ray vowed as he held his son. "Donny... Van... is this.. uh, is this why you like guys?" He had to know. If Vivian had managed to turn his son into a fairy he wouldn't only kill her, he'd make sure it was slow and painful.

“I always liked guys,” Van laughed. “But I suppose this is why I act the way I do.”

"And how's that?" Ray asked. He leaned back from Van, sure now that his son wasn't going to bolt on him.

Van sighed, sorry now that he had brought up the topic. “It doesn’t matter.”

"It matters to me," Ray insisted. "And from the way this guy over here belted me, I'd say it matters a hell of a lot to him."

“He thinks he dresses and acts effeminate,” Deaq supplied.

"What? Effeminate? That's a bunch of bull," Ray scoffed, giving Van a little shake. "You ain't no pansy. So what if ya wear colourful stuff. That's what kids wear these days."

“And your old man has flashy taste, too,” Deaq added, hoping a tag team effort would help boost Van’s self esteem. Even right now Ray Ray was wearing a suit that was metallic silver with a purple shirt and matching metallic purple vest. “Maybe it’s just genetic.”

"Yo-you think so?" Van asked, looking back and forth between Deaq and his father.

“It’s called style, kid,” Ray Ray nodded. “Makes ya stand out in the crowd and get noticed.”

"Yeah, noticed," Van said. He could remember one couple in particular that had "noticed" him. He'd been terrified when Vivian had nearly sold him to them for the night, tempted by the high price the couple had offered her. In the end, Vivian wasn’t willing to deal with Ray Ray’s questions if Van had just disappeared, so she’d walked. Van could still remember the twin leers that had been directed at him. He wasn’t supposed to know about that encounter. Vivian always told him that his ‘friends’ gave him ‘gifts’, even if it was money. But she’d come close that night to crossing a very thin rule she’d lived by.

“You can protect yourself now, man,” Deaq said. He read Van’s emotions by watching his lover closely, but sometimes it was eerily like mind reading. “And I know a part of you likes the attention and that ain’t a bad thing.”

"You really don't mind?" Van asked again. He couldn't help but think that he was an embarrassment to his partner. "I'd change for you. You know I would."

“I know,” Deaq said, reaching out and caressing Van’s cheek. When Van loved someone, he loved them completely. Van never did anything halfway. “I would never ask for that.”

"I'd do anything for you," Van said, his father suddenly forgotten as he looked at his lover. Everything he felt was right there for everyone to see.

“Newly weds,” Ray Ray huffed, with a tinge of humour to his voice. “You’re good for each other. I think I won’t be missed here.”

"You could stay," Deaq offered. "Maybe put some ice on that nose." He knew Van and his dad were trying to make up for lost time. He didn't want to come between that.

“I have to get it set,” Ray Ray admitted. “And then I have some other *business* to attend to. But I’ll make you deal. How about breakfast on the old man followed by a bit of a shopping spree?”

"Dad... don't do anything stupid," Van cautioned. "You just got out. I don't want you doing something to land you back inside. I want to get to know my father."

“Me do something stupid?” Ray Ray gave his son the patented grin that they both shared. “I wouldn’t do anything like that, now would I?”

"Dad, I'm serious," Van said, panic creeping back into his voice a bit. "Please. I don't want to lose you again. She's not worth it."

Van’s panic attack was starting up and Ray Ray recognized the symptoms. He’d seen the same look in his son’s eyes when the FBI had burst into their house and dragged him away in cuffs. Van hadn’t seen him face to face without bars between them for the next seven years. His revenge on Vivian could wait. The rage and plans would ripen with age, but his son was his most important consideration. “Maybe some ice would be a good idea…”

Van calmed visibly as Ray Ray agreed to stay. He turned to Deaq but his lover was already getting up and heading toward the kitchen. A few minutes later he returned, ice pack in hand. "Thanks," Van said, taking the ice from Deaq and handing it to his dad.

“That looks like a comfortable couch,” Ray Ray said, waving his free hand at the couch, while the other gently held the ice over his throbbing nose. Van was still jumpy and guilty looking, as if he had been the one to hit his father.

"Oh yeah," Van said, getting up quickly. "Why don't you lay down for awhile. Maybe we can all go out for dinner or something later."

“That’d be nice,” Ray Ray said, getting up and moving over to the couch. He groaned as he laid down on it. “Comfortable enough to spend the night. Always was good at mooching.”

"Hey, Ray, you get some rest," Deaq said, drawing Van closer to him. "Me and Van are gonna take a little nap ourselves. You dig?"

“I dig,” Ray Ray said, the phrase sounding rather funny coming from him. “Did I mention my hearing’s goin’ a bit? Must be all those years workin’ around loud printing presses.”

"Good, cause I tend to make a little noise when I'm on the receivin' end of things," Deaq said, letting the man know exactly what was going to happen in the other room. For whatever reason it was important to him to both do this and for Ray Ray to know he was doing it. He just hoped it would help Van put his emotional scars behind him.

“Too much information, son,” Ray Ray coughed. He didn’t know he could still blush at his age and after what he’d witnessed in prison, but he felt the tips of his ears burning.

"Sorry, man," Deaq grinned evilly. "Just wanted you to know the score."

“Just for that, you get to go shoppin’ with us and wait while Donny… I mean Van, picks out whatever he wants,” Ray Ray shot back. “And I’ll pay for whatever he picks out for you.” He knew his son’s love of shopping. He’d once found it distasteful, but he hoped it told his son something when he wanted to indulge him.

"You two are spoiling me," Van said, blushing slightly. He was still shocked by what Deaq had said in front of his father and now the man was talking about taking him shopping. He really did need to lie down before his legs gave way.

“You’re my son,” Ray Ray said and steeled himself for something he said very rarely. “I… I love you.”

Van swallowed thickly. He felt Deaq's arm snake around his waist and leaned back against the man. "Thanks, Dad," he said. "We'll see you in a couple of hours."

“Couple of hours?” Ray Ray snorted and gave Deaq raised eyebrow. “My boy only deserves the best.”

“And he'll get it. Any way he wants it for as long as he wants it," Deaq replied brazenly. Inside he wasn't quite as cocky as he was letting on but nobody else needed to know that.

“Go on, get!” Ray Ray scolded playfully. He had every intention of sneaking into the bathroom while the boys were occupied and setting his own nose. He’d done it before and it would save him a doctor’s bill, plus it would give him more time with Van.

Deaq took the hint and pulled Van toward the bedroom. He pushed his lover toward the bed as he closed the door behind them. He thumbed the lock, knowing it wouldn't keep Ray Ray out if he wanted in. Still, it never paid to make things *too* easy for a Ray.



END.