Title: Simple Simon

Authors: Creed Cascade

Fandom: Firefly

Pairing: Mal/Simon, brief mention of Simon/Jayne

Rating: NC-17

Status: new

Archive: If you want it, go ahead. Just knock me upside the head and let me know.

Feedback: creed_cascade@hotmail.com

Other websites: http://insaneasylum.slashfanfiction.com

Notes: I realize this is far from my best work, but it's my first foray into the Firefly fandom. It is quite dark and I have been warned you may not like my characterization of Jayne.

Disclaimers: We have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. You don't ask where we get these strange plots starring mysteriously familiar characters, and we won't tell you that I make no money, only deliriously happy satisfaction. Very hush-hush.

Summary: Mal starts to self-destruct after Inara announces she's leaving and Simon decided to intercede.



Simple Simon
By Creed Cascade

He loves Inara, but he fucks me.

They were simple words, but Simon could not make himself say them. Even though they were vulgar words, they were the truth.

Simon looked again into the small mirror and reached out to trace the image of his face. Pretty boy. That’s what he had been called his whole life. He didn’t see it though, no matter how many times he heard it. His fingers traced over the shadow on his jaw. Even with the stubble, it didn’t give him the rough sexiness that worked for most men… men like Mal and Jayne.

He repeated the words he loathed over again in his head...

He loves Inara, but he fucks me.

It was the truth he lived. So then why was it so hard to accept? Simon blinked and looked at the reflection of his own brown eyes. It was probably simply because he was in love with Captain Malcolm Reynolds. But then again, everyone aboard the Serenity was a little bit enamoured with their Captain as they followed his lead throughout the galaxy.

Mal had the unbreakable rule that he didn’t like complication, which allowed those who loved him to stay bound to him, without the risk of losing him. Having sex was the ultimate complication. Most people thought Mal should have married Zoe, but Simon doubted they had ever fucked. Mal loved and needed her too much to risk her. By extension, Mal had eventually welcomed Wash into the family because Zoe loved him.

Inara was another matter entirely. She was beautiful, classy and intelligent. Mal clearly loved and lusted after her, but the man couldn't let himself love easily or share. If Simon had to analyze Mal’s reaction to Inara’s profession, he would have to guess that Mal had some issues with his own mother. Inara was the closest to breaking though Mal’s formidable barriers, but once Mal had decided he couldn’t accept her being a companion and she was never going to stop being a companion, then the relationship was fated to never even start. Like a jewel behind glass, Mal could keep her close and yet, at a safe distance.

Aboard Serenity that left Kaylee, River, Jayne and Book, all loved by Mal in his own way, but none were a danger of starting a sexual relationship with him. Book was a Preacher and too old. Jayne was like a guard dog… big, stupid and useful if you kept him on a short leash. Kaylee and River were both little girls in need of protection in Mal’s eyes.

Everyone was easy placed and tagged on the Serenity in how they related to Mal, everyone except Simon. Simon sighed and looked away from the mirror he had been starring into. He was confident that if anything ever happened to him, Mal would be there to protect his sister. Mal might think she was crazy, but he was still protective of her.

At first Simon had thought Mal simply saw him as a part-time doctor and River’s full-time keeper. But then he had seen Mal look at him with distain when he couldn’t control his sister. Over time, he watched Mal develop a respect for her for having survived the torture of the Alliance. When Mal looked at him, he was sure the man saw only his Alliance upbringing. If he was in any doubt, it was dispelled by the man’s cutting comments. He was the fallen son of a privileged Alliance family… a symbol of everything Mal fought against in the war.

And so that had been his role in the crew. He patched people up when they needed it, took care of his sister and tried to stay out of the way. He was a liability when someone wasn’t bleeding.

Then Inara announced she was leaving and everything changed.

No one in Mal’s inner circle left without his say-so, or so he thought.

Serenity was a small ship and news traveled fast that Inara was planning on leaving within the next few months. Mal was sullen and needing to lash out. That week he had gotten into a screaming with Zoe and a fist fight with Jayne. Mal had radiated anger, keeping the crew on pins and needles. Kaylee was red eyed staying hidden in the engine room and Book spent too much time praying.

What finally drove him to act was River. The beautiful nightmare that was her mind caused her to whisper to me one night, “Without him, it all ends. Without our star-rider, the blue hands come.” In other words, if Mal wasn’t of sound mind and acting like the noble Captain, then they weren’t safe. He understood very little of River’s capabilities, but slowly had begun to trust them.



Five weeks ago…

Simon knocked on the hatch leading down to the Captain’s quarters. He tried again when there was no answer. Mal was in there, just not answering. It was easy enough to open the hatch and make his way down the ladder, balancing the tray of food he carried. Simon stood at the bottom of the ladder and looked where Mal was lounging on the bed.

“I brought you some food,” Simon announced. When Mal didn’t answer, he added, “You haven’t eaten yet today. It’s not healthy.”

Mal rolled away from the wall and sneered at Simon. “I didn’t invite you in here, Doc.” His voice was slurred a little from alcohol

“I know, I just thought…” Simon tried to explain.

“See now, Doc, that’s your problem,” Mal interrupted, tapping his head with his index finger. “You don’t think.”

“I… I brought you an apple,” Simon stammered. “You like apples.”

Mal’s feet fell heavily onto the floor. He walked over to Simon and plucked the apple off of the tray and bit into it. “I don’t think you have any idea what I like.”

“You need to eat,” Simon insisted. He set the tray down on a nearby table and took a few steps back from Mal. He looked down to study the rivets on the floor and fidgeted nervously with a button on his shirt.

Mal was about half way through the apple when he spoke again. “So, this visit is all about your righteous doctorly-goodness then?”

“No, not just that,” Simon admitted. “The crew has been worried about you.”

“So they elected to sacrifice you to be their spokesman?”

“No, no one knows I’m here,” Simon shook his head and took a step back. He saw the look Mal’s face and knew exactly what he was thinking. “Before you say anything, River is with Kaylee.”

“Playing with the engines no doubt,” Mal snorted in amusement. “So, you’ve come here all by your lil’ lonesome.”

“I thought you might need someone to talk to,” Simon answered softly.

“Yeah, maybe I wanna talk some,” Mal started in sarcastically. “You wanna tell me why you haven’t bedded Kaylee yet?”

Simon winced at Mal’s crassness. “That’s none of your business,” he managed to shoot back.

“You wanted to talk, so we’re talking now,” Mal said, tossing the apple core in a garbage can. “Lil’ Kaylee likes you plain as day and yet nothin’ from you yet.”

“Mal, please…” Simon tried to distract Mal, but he knew the man was lashing out.

Mal had paced forward until he had Simon backed against the wall. “Some people might say you got an unhealthy attachment to that moon-touched sister of yours…”

“Don’t you dare say anything like that again!” Simon hissed. “That’s disgusting.”

He pushed at Mal hard, but as Mal went down to the floor, he pulled Simon down with him. It was easy enough for the trained soldier to manoeuvre Simon under him. All of the hurt emotions were flowing out of him now that he was drunk and his veins pumping with adrenaline. He had almost opened himself up to Inara and she was abandoning him. He hurt and needed to make someone else hurt.

Mal had found a sore point with Simon and was picking at it like a bad scab. “Then why don’t you like a pretty girl like Kaylee?”

“Leave me alone,” Simon cried out.

“Are you sly?” Mal had Simon’s arms pinned over his head now and was starting to rub his leg against Simon’s crotch. Simon’s breath caught and it was enough of an answer for Mal. “Such a damn prettyboy…” Mal whispered. One of his hands kept Simon’s hands over his hand and the other had worked between their bodies to work at Simon’s fly.

“Mal, please…” Simon begged, his voice barely a whisper out of shock.

“I’m getting to it,” Mal insisted, taking Simon’s pleas to mean it wanted just as much a Mal did in this moment. “You’ve been asking for this since the gorram day you came aboard my ship…”



Present…

Simon shivered as he thought about his first time with Mal. It had been painful and his first time with a man, but still he had cum. There had been no kissing and Mal didn’t even bother to take most their clothes off. He had just flipped Simon over, pushed down his pants and after minimal preparation he fucked him. Afterwards, Mal had fallen asleep on the floor and Simon had starred up at the ceiling for at least ten minutes before getting up and leaving.

The next morning Mal acted like nothing had happened between them, but everyone noticed he was in a better mood. His anger seemed to have been quelled and he started planning their next job. That lasted about four days until the malaise returned. It was then that Simon had decided that he had to go back to Mal.

He had prepared himself in advance and slipped into Mal’s cabin quietly. The second time Mal had taken him on the bunk, kneeling on all fours. Again, Mal hadn’t kissed and only pushed aside their clothes enough to fuck him. Simon still remembered Mal deep groan as he had slipped into him, swearing aloud when he felt how slick Simon was.

That had set a pattern for the past five weeks. About three times a week, Simon would go to Mal without being asked and Mal would fuck him. The encounters seemed to allow Mal to channel his aggression, letting him function normally as Serenity’s Captain.

Mal’s hands were rough with him, but never left bruises. Mal might not kiss him, but he always made sure Simon came. This was the first time in all those weeks that Simon was dreading going to see Mal. He had come to crave the touch of the man he was in love with, but today Inara had finally left. He wasn’t sure if Mal would need him anymore.

Simon took a deep breath and opened the hatch to the Captain’s quarters. He found Mal lying on his bed and drinking. “Mal…” he started to speak.

“Just shut up,” Mal slurred loudly. He hadn’t been this drunk since that first night.

Simon was a little lost at what to do. They never talked about what happened between them, it just happened. “Mal, please…”

“Don’t turn those eyes on me,” Mal nearly shouted. “Just get outta here, Doc.”

Simon smiled a little, thinking that maybe, just maybe, that Mal liked his eyes. “I came here to see you.”

“No shit,” Mal shot back, getting to his feet unsteadily.

“I… I could, come back later,” Simon stuttered.

“You always come back,” Mal pointed out. His hand reached out to trace along Simon’s jaw. “And you shaved for me.”

“I thought you’d like,” Simon told him, leaning slightly into Mal’s touch.

Simon closed his eyes and Mal touched his face tenderly for the first time. “Why do you come to me?”

“Because…” Simon started to explain, but had to stop when it was hard to think with Mal’s touch. He finally decided to tell Mal why he loved him, with out actually saying the words. “Because you gave us a home when no one else would. You protect River… and me.”

Mal’s face darkened with Simon’s answer. “So, you’re selling yourself for my protection?”

“N-No, Mal, not that!” Simon immediately tried to protest. “I do it because I…”

“You’re nothing but a whore like Inara!” Mal interrupted Simon before the younger man could reveal his true feelings. He backhanded Simon, who crashed against the wall. “Nothing but a fucking whore!” Simon sank down against the wall as he dropped to the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest and started to cry as Mal continue to rant. “You think you have to let me fuck you for protection? You couldn’t protect River, so you sell your ass to your Captain. You think to highly of yourself, Simon Tam! Guess now that one whore’s gone we’ve got another to replace her. Get out of here, you disgust me!”

Simon stumbled to his feet, his face red and stinging from where Mal had hit him. He fell twice trying to get up the ladder because his tears stung his eyes, but eventually he stumbled into the corridor above the Captain’s quarters. He managed to make it back to his room without encountering everyone.

“River will be back soon,” he muttered to himself. “Have to be ready.”

He pulled out the empty suitcases from under the bed and started to throw clothes into them randomly. River came into the room a few minutes later like he knew she would.

“What are you doing, sad Simon?” River asked. She walked over and brushed the tears from his cheeks.

“Packing,” Simon answered her. “We have to go, meimei. The next port we land at, we’ll be leaving here…”

“We’ve got no were to go,” she told him. “No home, but here.”

Simon pulled his sister into a hug. “You know, don’t you, meimei?”

“I can kill him for you,” River offered. “With my mind, it wouldn’t leave a mark.”

“No, this was my fault,” Simon told her, shaking his head

“Simple Simon,” River said, rocking her brother as he cried. “Poor, Simple Simon.”

*

Simon was forced to listen to his sister singing as his only form of entertainment as they both stayed locked in their quarters. At night he would sneak out for food, taking the route River would tell him to take to avoid any of the other crewmembers. When Kaylee had come looking for them, he had told her that River needed to be secluded because of her condition and he had to watch over her. He had no intention of telling anyone they were leaving.

A deep-seated, burning anger now controlled Simon. Mal had called him a whore, placing all of the resentment he felt for Inara on him. He had loved Mal and been betrayed by him. The man deserved to be alone.

And so Simon constructed a plan that would spite Mal. The Alliance was looking for a Doctor, not a whore. He had learned from Inara and his own mother that if you made the right friends, they would take care of you. It wouldn’t be hard to find a rich man on some backwater planet that could take care of him and his sister. Lay low under the radar and play whore to another man. It was a simple, effective plan.

He was considering how he would get credit at a tailor to supply his new wardrobe when he heard a soft click of the lock on their door. Simon sat bolt upright in his bed when Jayne sauntered in, closing the door behind him.

“Huh, so you’re alive,” Jayne grunted. “Just checking.”

“So, you came take our things again?” Simon asked in a monotone voice.

“I might’ve,” Jayne admitted. “But you’re not corpses, so no worry there. That and Kaylee paid me to break in.”

“Sounds like something you’d do. Is she out there?”

“Nah, she had too many morals about breaking into a friend’s place,” Jayne answered. “Tell me why you’re sulking in here so I can get my pay out.”

“I told Kaylee that River needed to be secluded…”

“Bullshit,” Jayne interrupted him. “You didn’t even lock her up after she stabbed me. This got something to do with the Capt’n fucking you?”

Simon didn’t even question how or why Jayne knew. For all he knew Mal could have told him. “It’s none of your business.”

“It is if you’re planning to take off and I get shot up.”

“How did you know we were planning on leaving…” He stopped talking when Jayne pointed at the packed suitcases.

“I’m not some la de da doctor, but I’m not a complete moron.”

“Complete being the definitive word,” Simon added dryly. “There’s no point in hiding that we’re leaving now as the next port.”

“That’ll be at least three weeks considering we signed on to haul some illegal bull spunk across the ‘verse,” Jayne informed him. “You want someone to make sure the Capt’n stays away from you and that half-baked sister of yours?”

He couldn’t face Mal again. Simon couldn’t bear to see the look of disgust on Mal’s face or hear the word WHORE cross his lips again. “I can’t face the Captain. If you could keep him away, that would be best for everyone.”

“I won’t do it for free…” Jayne grunted.

Simon didn’t have anyway of paying Jayne, but then he remembered what Mal had said. He reached out and laid his palm flat on Jayne’s thigh. The look on Jayne’s face was almost priceless. Obviously the mercenary had been thinking about payment of another sorts. Mal would hate Simon touching Jayne and that was worth the degradation alone. It was a small sense of revenge, but it was his none-the-less.

“I’m sure I can work out some form of payment,” Simon forced himself to say.

*

“Mal, I need to speak with you,” Book said. “Immediately.”

“Not now, Sheppard, I’m busy,” Mal said, brushing the Preacher off.

“I’m afraid this isn’t an optional discussion,” Book insisted, coming into the small armoury that Mal liked to use for planning his heists when he needed privacy.

“Alright, just make it gorram quick,” Mal sighed.

“I’ve been concerned about the Tams for some time,” Book started carefully. “Something hasn’t been right that boy with awhile now.”

“That’s his business,” Mal answered stiffly.

“Not when I tell you what I saw.”

Mal’s fingers slipped into a fist and his fingers cut into the flesh of his palms. “Tell me what you saw…” All he could think about was how his dirty little secret was out.

“I just caught young Simon and Jayne… in a compromising position,” Book admitted. He fully expected a nearly violent reaction from the Captain. The Preacher was sure that Jayne was the one responsible for Simon’s strange behaviour over the past month or so.

“Where?” Mal demanded, getting to his feet swiftly.

“In Jayne’s quarters,” Book told him. “I didn’t mean to catch them…”

Book wasn’t able to finish explanation of catching them on his way down the corridor, because Mal was already out of the room, running full speed. When he gets to Jayne’s bunk, the door is slightly ajar allowing Mal to easily throw open the door.

He saw Simon down on his knees, in front of Jayne, with the big man’s cock in his mouth. Jayne didn’t have time to say a single thing before Mal attacked him. Jayne was lucky Simon didn’t bite his cock off as it was forced from his mouth.

“Mal, stop it!” Simon screamed out as Mal pummelled Jayne’s head against the corner of the bunk.

“He touched you!” Mal howled, leaving Jayne’s prone body to stalk over to Simon.

“I let him!” Simon shouted back.

Mal grabbed the back of Simon’s shirt and hauled him out of Jayne’s bunk. Half way down the corridor, Simon protested, “Let me go! He’s got a head injury!”

“Shut the fuck up!” Mal growled back the only words he spoke until they were back in his quarters. And only once they were back in Mal’s personal space did he hiss, “You let that ape touch you. Did you let him fuck after I did?”

“I never let him fuck me,” Simon answered back.

“Don’t lie to me!” Mal was pacing back and forth in the small space.

“I’m not, I just sucked him off.”

“You’re a whore,” Mal hissed at him.

“I know,” was Simon’s answer. His back was hunched as he sat on the floor at Mal’s feet. “I figured I’d use it to my advantage. There’s no point in hiding it from you anymore, Mal… in fact, you’ll be happy to hear that we’ll be leaving the ship at the first port we set down. I figure I should thank you for making me realize another skill I never thought of. The Alliance will be looking for a Doctor, not a whore.”

“You’re leaving, just like her…” Mal’s voice had lost all of its malice and now only sounded defeated.

“I’m not like Inara, Mal,” Simon told him. “You don’t love me, like you love her. I wasn’t experienced like her.”

“What in the hell is that supposed to mean?” Mal asked, crouching down in front of Simon on the floor.

“I couldn’t make you love me, even though I love you,” Simon said, keeping his eyes locked on his shoes. There was no point in hiding it from Mal anymore. He had no pride left. “There was no other man before you. You were hurting so much with Inara leaving, I just wanted to make you happy again, but I wasn’t good enough…”

The reality of what he had done sprang into Mal’s mind. Simon loved him. Simon was only leaving him because Mal had pushed him away. Not only had he pushed him away, he used him and degraded him into behaving like a whore. There was nothing to say that would make this better. There were no actions he could take to make Simon forget.

He leaned over and it only took a moment to kiss Simon for the first time. Simon didn’t push him away, instead clutched at Mal desperately, deepening the kiss. “I could be your whore, Mal,” Simon whispered frantically.

“How about we just settle for being mine?” Mal answered. His voice was rough and he was running his hand continuously over Simon’s hair. “Then I can try ‘n’ fix everything that I did wrong by you. You’re not a whore, Simon. Just stupid enough to fall in love with the biggest, mess up in the ‘verse.”

“I can stay?” Simon asked. His hand was fisted into Mal’s shirt. He didn’t care right now that he was a perfectly intelligent man begging not be thrown in the unknown. He feared what the Alliance would do to him and River more than he feared staying on the Serenity. The bitterness he felt was still there, but his love for Mal was stronger.

“Yes, you have to stay,” Mal told him. “I need you, Simon. I… I love you.” He kissed Simon again, already addicted to it. “I’m not normal, and you’re crazy to want to stay. I’m not easy to live with… I make mistakes like treating you… like a whore.”

“I’d rather live an uneasy life, than not at all,” Simon told him.

“Sound like a gorram philosopher,” Mal muttered, but he was already setting his head on Simon’s shoulder and kissing his neck. “Just know that I’m sorry and that if you ever touch Jayne again…”

“I won’t,” Simon assured him. “I’m yours, Mal.”

Mal might appear to be whole to most people… to his crew, but Simon had seen the fractured soul underneath. He had been hurt too many times and seen too many disturbing things to make love easy. Simon slowly ran his hand over Mal’s neck and shoulders. He loved River with all of her faults and now he would try to mend Mal as well.

*

Down the corridors of the halls, River’s soft lilting voice could be hear reciting a simple nursery rhyme repeatedly. She was on her way to Jayne’s room to tinker with Vera while he was passed out.

Simple Simon met a pieman going to the fair;
Said Simple Simon to the pieman "Let me taste your ware"
Said the pieman to Simple Simon "Show me first your penny"
Said Simple Simon to the pieman "Sir, I have not any!"

She laughed when she finished the rhyme as she remembered the childhood rhyme, but changed the words to suit her mind’s eye.

Simple Simon met a star-rider well upon the run,
All he left, and all he was, died as the beloved son.
For Simple Simon loved too much, with his gentle soul,
So easy to bleed, for being love’s fool takes it toil.




END.