Title: Complete Chaos

Author: Kris Andersson

Shanna_se@yahoo.com

Archive: The list archives, and my site: http://kristinas_corner.tripod.com Anyone else, just let me know so I can brag.

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: J/A

Category: Humor/Romance

Summary: Sequel to The Gods Must Be Crazy. The Chaos stone is bored…

Big hugs and thank you's goes out to my betas, Christine. Without her this wouldn't be a pleasant reading-experience… I really should dig up my old English Grammar books…

And Em who had some great comments and observations who made this fic a lot better. Thanks for all the help with stubborn sentences and commas.

Any mistakes left are mine and only mine.

This is for Scorpio who asked for a sequel in a very inspiring feedback mail. Sorry, Scorpio. The naked scene just didn't want to be in this story. Maybe next time…


Complete Chaos
By Kristina Andersson

Up in the mountains, not far from Delphi, was a beautiful valley with soft green grass and a waterfall. Once upon a time it might have had another name, but now it was simply called the Valley.

The Valley had been a sanctuary for the wildlife for centuries. Maybe even millennia. Only one knew for sure and she wasn't telling. No animals were ever slain here. Be it predator or prey. The ruler of the Valley forbade it.

No mortals or domesticated animals had ever set foot in the Valley. They just didn't see it or got a strange urge to leave, the residents didn't want visitors.

The only building in the Valley was a little cottage with a thatched roof. Looking as cute as little cottages with thatched roofs usually do. Although, little cottages usually don't change color several times each day. The cottage in the Valley did. Sometimes it turned blue, sometimes yellow, and sometimes it turned into colors not invented yet. It all depended on its owner's mood.

The cottage was decorated comfortably with wooden furniture and radiated coziness

A light blue crystal laid on the fireplace mantle. Unlike most crystals, this one was sentient and it was bored.

It cast out its mind, searching for something entertaining.

Wasn't that…? Yes it was. The Chaos stone rejoiced as its mind encountered the being it liked the most. But what is he doing? The crystal suddenly became bright red. Oh, he was doing *that*…

The front door opened and Gaea entered her cottage. She sighed in relief. Sitting and listening to Zeus was so boring. But she endured; the boy was her grandson after all. It always felt so good to be home after a visit on Olympus. This was her real home, not that marble monstrosity that Zeus had made for her on Olympus.

She threw a look at the blushing stone and said, quite amused, "So you were bored, huh." The stone became even redder. "Oh, go on. I can't blame you. He is adorable and entertaining after all." She grabbed a scroll on the desk and went into the bedroom and closed the door. She really needed some downtime.

The Chaos stone continued to blush and look at something far far away.

*****************

Joxer sat on the bed in Ares bedroom on Olympus, running fingers through Ares hair. "You are so beautiful, do you know that?" he asked his sleeping lover. The fact that Ares allowed himself to sleep in Joxer's presence showed his great trust in the man. Joxer just hoped that he would be worthy of that trust this time.

"You're strong, loving, gorgeous, a great warrior and a God worshipped by millions." He gently traced Ares' features with his fingers. "And yet, You love me, Me. Joxer the not so mighty. When you look at me it's like I'm the only thing in the world that matters to you. I've noticed that whenever I enter a room you're in, you smile."

He continued to stroke Ares' hair, "You have the most wonderful smile, my love. Although you don't use it much. Have you any idea how special it makes me feel to know that I am one of the few people who can make you smile?"

He sighed, "And I almost threw it all away. Not believing it could be true love, being so scared of it that I convinced myself I loved Gabby just so I wouldn't have to deal with this. This, the greatest gift of all."

He smiled as Ares sighed in his sleep and leaned his head up against his hand, "I guess Gabby is right, I am an idiot. But you forgave me, and now, we have forever."

He still had a hard time believing that this was real and not a dream. Of course, this was better than any dream ever could be.

He lay down beside his love; "I'm going to spend eternity with you, my beautiful. "He snuggled closer to Ares." I just wish I could give you a child. I've seen you with Cupid and Bliss. Yeah, a child with your smile," he mumbled and then drifted to sleep.

He never noticed the shimmer that surrounded him for a couple of seconds.

******************

If the Chaos stone had lips, he would've pouted. This was no fun at all.

Gaea had left the Valley, tending to her Godly duties elsewhere. Since Hera needed some down time after the deity swap ordeal she had offered her granddaughter to stay in the cottage while she was gone.

Hera had gratefully accepted. Having to be Goddess of Love and act sugar sweet and ditzy had been a great trauma for her. And it didn't get better when she realized what havoc Poseidon had created as Goddess of Marriages and Childbirth.

Fainting during a hard labor and hitting on both husbands and wives where the least of his actions.

It took a lot out of Hera to sort out the mess Poseidon had made of things. Not to mention getting back her respect from the mortals. The Sea God had really hurt her reputation.

Gaea's invitation came in just the right time. If Hera 'd stayed on Olympus much longer, she would've been so tempted to kill Zeus, for starting the whole swapping fiasco in the first place.

She'd been told very sternly by Gaea to protect the wildlife, to heal any hurt animals that arrived and to take good care of the flowers and vegetables that Gaea was growing as a hobby.

Gaea liked to try different crossings with fruits and vegetables from the entire world that no one ever had thought about before, like banana carrots (Great as a midnight snack) and lettuce grapes (Made Bliss throw up).

Gaea had also asked Hera to take care of the Chaos stone.

But Hera didn't really understand what the Chaos stone really was. She didn't talk to it like Gaea used to. Or listened to its song. She didn't read out loud to it or allowed it in her mind.

She just dusted it once in a while.

The Chaos stone missed Gaea. She made it feel good. This 'woman' just made him feel lonely and unwanted and ignored.

Without Gaea and decent company, there was no reason for it to stay in the Valley, it reasoned. Why not see how Best Friend was doing? The crystal disappeared with a shimmer.

Hera didn't notice it was gone until it's energy trace was long faded.

****************

Joxer entered the Hall of War looking for Mjau, the kitten Ares had given him. Joxer had been hesitant at first; he didn't have the best track record with pets, after all. But now he adored the little black kitten.

It was Bliss who'd named the cat Mjau. Claiming that that was what the kitten said his name was. It stuck, and Joxer thought it was rather cute.

But instead of hearing meowing or the familiar racket that always accompanied Mjau's playing, (Falling armors, marbles flying over the floor, that sort of thing) he heard someone crying.

He went closer.

In a dark corner sat Bliss. Rocking back and forward, clinging desperately on to Mjau, with red eyes and tears running down his cheeks and sobbing heartbroken.

"But, sweet Bliss, what's the matter?" Joxer asked worried.

"Oh, Unc' Joxer!" Bliss sobbed, hugging Mjau more tightly than it could be comfortable for the cat. But Mjau probably sensed Bliss distress and stoically endured. "Mommy doesn't luw Bliss anymore!"

Joxer sat down next to the young Love God. "Oh, sweetheart… What ever gave you that idea?"

"Mommy did!" Bliss cried. "Bliss was hiding behind the door in Daddy's temple to surpwise Mommy with a new drawing Bliss had made. But Mommy was talking to Unc' Nysos about the 'vorce' thingy."

"Unc' Nysos? 'Vorce' thingy? Oh I get it! You mean uncle Dionysos. Don't you?" Joxer asked.

"That's what Bliss said! And you know, the 'vorce' thingy. 'Mommy and Daddy not living together with Bliss like family anymore cause Mommy and Daddy has grown up problems. But still luws Bliss very much,'" he quoted.

"Oh, Psyche's and Cupid's divorce," Joxer said finally figuring it out.

"But that's not true! Mommy lied to Bliss! Bliss heard Mommy and unc' Nysos talking about the 'vorce thingy and Unc' Nysos told Mommy not to forget the meeting with Grandpa Zeus and Grandma Hera cause if Mommy didn't show up they would take Daddy's side." Bliss hiccuped, "And then Mommy said she wouldn't miss it for the world. That she'd waited a long time for a reason to 'vorce Daddy without being the guilty party and that she would take Daddy to the cleaners." Bliss gave Joxer a confused look, "Bliss doesn't understand, Daddy's always clean. Mommy doesn't have to give him a bath."

Joxer smiled sadly, "It's a grown up expression that you don't need to know yet."

"Oh," Bliss continued, " And then Mommy said that Daddy would have to pay dearly to get the brat. Not that she wanted the brat but that Daddy would do anything for it." Bliss sobbed, "I am the brat. I know that, 'cause Unc' Stwife calls me that sometimes." His chin shivered, "When Unc' Stwife calls me brat it feels nice, but when Mommy said it, it felt bad. Real bad!"

"Oh, baby!" Joxer scooped up both Bliss and Mjau in his lap and hugged them tightly. "Sometimes grown ups say things they don't mean. I'm sure your mother didn't really mean what she said. Both your parents love you very much. Don't you know that babies are made of the love their parents have?"

Bliss shook his head; "No they're not! Babies gets made when you dance."

"When you dance? Who told you that?"

"Grandma 'Dite told Grandpa Hephy that some queen had gotten pweggers by doing the horizontal mambo with her husband's best friend," Bliss told Joxer seriously. " Bliss knows that pweggers mean that a lady is going to have a baby. Auntie Eris told me. And mambo is a dance. Bliss not sure about horizontal though."

Joxer sighed. People really had to start watching what they said in Bliss' presence.

He rose from the floor, still holding on to Bliss. "Why don't we try to find your Daddy?" he asked.

Bliss mumbled, "'Kay," and snuggled closer leaning his head on Joxer's shoulder.

As they left Joxer thought some nasty thoughts about Psyche. How could a mother talk about her only child like that? He should have realized that the hurt facade Psyche showed was just that, a facade. He'd only been on Olympus for a week when he first heard the rumors about Psyche's affairs. He wasn't surprised that Psyche used Cupid's behavior during the deity swap as a reason for divorce. Even though Cupid only did it because he thought it was one of Zeus' Godly duties. If she was the hurt party there was a good chance that Zeus and Hera would let her keep her Godhood. And she really played the hurt and suffering spouse right now. Cupid had never been so unpopular on Olympus. But using Bliss as a pawn was low.

Psyche might be pretty as a flower on the outside. But on the inside, she was a real thistle.

Joxer sighed again. He wished that Psyche would show the rest of Olympus her real side.

As Joxer and Bliss found Cupid, Psyche gave out a scream in Hera's garden. Hermes heard the scream and went to check it out. But the only thing out of place in the garden was a large thistle. The God of Thieves shrugged, Hera's choice of flowers was getting stranger and stranger for each year.

*****************

"Are you sure about this?" Ares whined, standing on a road a few days away from Corinth. "You wouldn't rather stay on Olympus?"

Joxer sighed, "Olympus is no fun without you, Ares." v "Why? Is someone treating you bad?" Ares growled, "If they are, you just tell me and I'll beat their brains out."

"No! Everyone's been real nice to me," Joxer said hurriedly. "But I would just go around missing you all day. Besides, I really want to see Iolaus again. He is a good friend."

Ares nodded, "He's too good for that idiot of a brother I have, that's for sure!"

Joxer ignored him, "And you need to spend some time completely concentrating on getting your worshippers at ease again. Building up the reputation that Hestia almost ruined for you."


Ares moaned, "Don't remind me! She wore an apron to battle!"

"So while you travel all over Greece, spending time with your warriors, it's a perfect time for me to be out on the road again. I've been traveling since I left home, and I sort of miss it." Seeing Ares' hurt face he hastily added, "Not when I'm with you, but when I'm alone. So when you are out doing your War God thing, it's a good time for me to do some walking."

"Yeah. I don't want you to be bored," Ares admitted.

"And you can find me anywhere, and I can call for you all the time. Right?"

"Yes."

"And hopefully, I'll be with Hercules and Iolaus, they can help me if I get in to trouble," Joxer continued.

Ares gave him a concerned look, "Joxer, we really have to work on your self esteem. I'm not worried you can't handle it. You have a unique talent of getting out of trouble all right. And your fighting skills have improved a lot during our sparring. And you're immortal now. I'm sure you can handle everything the fates might throw at you. I just can't understand how anyone would spend time with Jercules voluntarily."

Joxer laughed at Ares' sour face when he mentioned his brother. "Herc isn't that bad. He just sees everything in black and white and has a hard time seeing the gray areas. But he's learning. And he did seem to take the news about our relationship good." He suddenly looked sad. "Not like another of my so called 'friends'," he added bitterly.

Ares gave him a hug. "Are you sure you don't want me to give her a little visit to Hades?" he asked hopefully.

Joxer smiled at his lover's eagerness. "No thank you. Xena would be destroyed, and Gabby *was* my friend at one point. She just… changed," he said.

Ares was doubtful, "If you say so," he said unbelievingly.

"Don't worry, I'll call for you if I need you."

"Oh, I almost forgot," Ares said and snapped his fingers. Mjau appeared in his arms. "Take Mjau with you. He'll just be bored on Olympus without you, and with him around, you won't forget about me."

Joxer went closer and gave Ares a light hug and kiss, "Like I could ever forget you. You've been a main part of my life ever since Father took us to your temple for the first time." He laughed, "But I must say that worshipping you is a lot more fun now when it's more personal."

"I bet," Ares leered and gave his love a new kiss.

Mjau jumped down on the ground and sighed. Two legs always fooled around like this. Too bad they couldn't conduct themselves with dignity, like cats. Oh, well, he had time to train them later. They were fast learners. Pet had already learned to bring him food when needed and Black Leather really knew how to cuddle…

Ares and Joxer's kissing was rudely interrupted by someone who cleared his throat, loudly. When they looked up they saw an uncomfortable Hercules and an amused Iolaus.

"Hi guys!" Joxer said cheerfully and then shoved a discreet elbow in Ares' ribs when he saw his lover's scowl.

"Iolaus, Hercules." Ares gave them a curt nod.

"Hi Jox. Nice performance there," Iolaus laughed.

Joxer leaned on Ares' chest, "I'm glad you liked it. We've been practicing a lot," he joked.

Hercules gave Joxer a smile, "It's nice to see you again, Joxer. How is life on Olympus?"

Joxer had a satisfied smile on his face, "It's been wonderful," he replied with a dreamy sigh.

"I'm glad you're happy." Herc looked at Ares, "Are you here on business?" he asked weary.

"No," Ares said and looked at Joxer. "I have to spend some time with my warriors and sort out the chaos Hestia made, and Joxer wanted to spend some time with you guys."

Hearing the unsaid 'I can't understand why, and I don't like it,' all Herc said was, "Oh."

"That is, if you guys won't mind me around for a while?" Joxer asked shyly.

"Of course not!" Hercules said hurriedly and gave Joxer a reassuring smile.

He wasn't so thrilled about Joxer's relationship with Ares, but Joxer was a friend and that was what mattered. And after the things Gabrielle had said, Joxer needed to know that he still had friends in the mortal realm. Hercules still couldn't believe that Gabrielle had given Joxer that ultimatum when she'd recovered from her 'donkey ears daze'. Forcing Joxer to chose between his friends and his lover was just wrong. And Joxer looked so much happier with Ares than without him.

"We'd love to spend some time traveling with you," Iolaus said. "Are you staying too, Ares?" he asked hesitantly.

"No, I have to go to my temple in Thrace and sort things out with my priests," he shook his head, "That month of deity swapping destroyed years of work for most of us." Ares gave Herc a look, "Daddy dear is not the most popular God on Olympus right now. Athena chased him around with a battle-axe. Apparently, 'Dite told a couple of her philosophers to go stuff themselves until they started using a language people could understand. Preferably Greek. 'Tena didn't like that."

"I wonder why?" Iolaus murmured.

"Anyway, I need to be off," Ares gave Joxer a quick kiss. "You know how to call me, and I'll probably come and visit." He looked at his brother, "Hercules, a word, please."

They walked away from Joxer and Iolaus and Ares leaned close. "I don't like you, Jercules. As a matter of fact you're pretty high on my hate list. But for some reason Joxer likes you. So here is the deal. I won't attack you or use Joxer to get to you; you won't attack me or use Joxer to get me. We only fight if you try to stop a war I think is necessary. Deal?"

Hercules nodded, "Deal."

"Good, just one more thing," Ares came even closer and threatening, "If you and Curly hurts Joxer like the blonde twit did, not even Zeus can protect you."

"That goes without saying, Ares. Joxer is a friend, and you don't treat a friend like Gabrielle treated Joxer. Even if said friend's boyfriend is an asshole."

"Just remember what I said. You've never seen me really angry. It's not pretty."

The War God disappeared and Hercules started to walk back to the others shaking his head a bit amused. When Ares showed that protective streak, he was almost bearable. Almost.

******************

Hera growled and continued to shake the tree. "Where are you, you little shit?" Her hair was a mess and her dress was dirty. The look on her face was almost desperate. "I have to find you," she murmured, "Have to find you before Grandmother comes home."

She'd looked everywhere in the Valley. She'd almost teared the cottage apart, and had digged up most of the front yard. But still no Chaos stone. She knew no one had entered the Valley, so the stone must have moved on its own.

And it wasn't here. Maybe on Olympus? She could search there without being noticed, if she was discrete.

*******************

"So, have you guys heard about Psyche?" Joxer asked as they were walking towards the closest village.

"No, what about Psyche? Is something wrong?" Hercules asked concerned. He liked Psyche; she was a sweet girl.

"Apparently she's missing. Her and Cupid's divorce hearing was yesterday and she didn't show up."

Hercules stopped, turned around and stared at Joxer, "Cupid and Psyche are getting divorced?" he asked incredulously.

Unfortunately Joxer looked at another direction and didn't notice that Herc had stopped, he walked right into the hero's broad chest.

After getting his balance back and apologizing to Mjau, who didn't like the collision one bit, he answered, "Yeah, didn't you know? Psyche asked Hera and Zeus for a divorce based on Cupid's actions during the deity swap. You know, acting like Zeus with the ladies and so on." He gave Herc a bitter face, "Which is a bit strange since Poseidon says that she visited Zeus'… er… Cupid's office a least once a day encouraging him to do exactly what Zeus did. To prove himself worthy in case of a career move."

"Wait a minute!" Iolaus interrupted, "How come Poseidon knew about Psyche visiting Cupid?"

Joxer sighed, since Hercules always had an opinion on everything the Gods did, Joxer had always believed that some God filled Herc in about Olympus' gossip. This was clearly not the case. "Because Poseidon spent that month as Hera, Queen of the Gods," he explained patiently.

Iolaus exploded with laughter.

Hercules tried to glare at him but wasn't successful. It's hard to glare and try not to laugh at the same time. After getting his posture back in order, he asked, "And now, Psyche is missing?"

"Yeah. Some people suspected that Cupid had something to do with it, but he spent that whole day with Hephaistos and Strife on Lemnos." Joxer started to walk again, "I can't say that I like her, but I hope she'll turn up. For Bliss' sake."

They had now entered the outskirts of the village. As they passed a small run down farm they heard frightened screams and angry shouting.

At the courtyard a man stood, beating and slapping a woman. Holding her by the neck, shouting things like, "This will teach you not to disrespect me again, Bitch. You worthless piece of crap! When I say that dinner should be ready when I come home from the fields, the bloody dinner better be on the table when I enter the door!"

The woman wailed, "But Evol, the fire went out of the hearth. I'm so sorry…" Another stroke stopped her apology.

"Excuses will get you nowhere, Slut! Consider this a lesson. If you don't start to respect my authority, this will seem like a picnic!"

As he raised his hand for another blow to the woman's head, Hercules caught his arm. "Excuse me, "He said politely. "But respect has to be earned not forced."

Evol glared at Hercules, who was this man who dared to interfere in his family business? "This is none of your business, Bastard!" he said and tried to hit Hercules.

The hero easily ducked and gave Evol a stroke that sent him all the way to the front door of his scrubby house.

Evol, a bit groggy, touched his chin, gave Herc a frightened look and ran into the house.

Iolaus and Joxer helped the woman back up on her feet. Her face was covered with bruises and her dress was torn. "Thank you," she mumbled. "He's usually not this bad."

Iolaus gave her a comforting smile, "You're welcome, I'm Iolaus, this is Joxer and that big lug over there is Hercules."

The woman's eye's widened, "*The* Hercules?" she asked.

"Yes," Herc said with a nod and a smile. If he got a dinar every time someone asked him that… "Do you want us to get you something from the house before we all go to the village and report this?" he asked.

The woman frowned, "Report this?" she asked and then shook her head, "No that's not necessary, he really didn't mean it. And it was my fault. I should have watched the hearth more closely, and then dinner would've been on time."

"This was all about a late dinner?" Joxer asked incredulously.

The woman shivered, "It was my fault really. He loves me, he does. He just has a bit of a temper and I should have watched…"

"Listen, …?" Joxer interrupted.

"Oh, I'm Mera." The woman answered.

"Listen Mera, I think your husband can be really dangerous. This time he just beat you up. But what if he kills you the next time? You really should get away from him. Maybe stay with your family for a while?"

Mera shook her head; "There is no need. He loves me. He couldn't manage without me."

"But he hurt you. How can someone who beats you up love you?" Joxer asked upset.

Mera just continued to shake her head, " I love him, he loves me. He's really not a bad husband…"

Hercules sighed, "Are you sure you don't want to leave?" he asked.

"Yes!" Mera nodded vigorously, "Please, he's all I have…"

She jumped as a yell was heard from the house, "Meeeraaa!!!!"

"You better leave now," she said.

"Well, if you're sure…" Herc sighed again.

Iolaus took Mera's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Take care, you hear. And if things get too bad, I'll leave some money at the Inn in the village so you can rent a room there if needed."

"Oh, It won't be necessary, he's really a kind man, it's just been a lot the last year…" Mera objected.

Iolaus gave her a sad smile, "Just in case," he said.

She nodded weakly and watched the men leave.

Joxer didn't say goodbye.

"How can she let him treat her like that?" he asked upset.

Iolaus sighed, "She can't face the problem. She is more afraid of the world outside than of her husband. And she's probably afraid of what he'll do if she leaves him. She hasn't come to the breaking point yet." He sighed again, "I just hope it comes before he kills her."

"But can't we report it?" Joxer asked.

"Yes," Hercules answered, "and we will. But chances are that she'll deny the whole thing and take her husband's side. Besides, in most places, beating your wife isn't considered a crime, but a right."

"This sucks!" Joxer said. "I wish she would march right into that house and let the creep taste some of his own medicine. He was pretty small, I bet she could take him if she wasn't afraid of him."

"Yeah," Iolaus agreed and then sighed again, "But if wishes were horses…"

They never saw how Mera, still standing out on the courtyard, too scared to go inside; suddenly straightens her shoulders, turns around and walks into the house and starts to beat the living daylights out of her husband.

But they do report the incident at the village elderman, who sighs and says it isn't the first time Evol's beating Mera, and that there is really nothing anyone can do about it.

A couple of weeks later the gossip grapevine of the village talks about how mellow Evol has become lately…


PART TWO

Strife had overcome many obstacles in his life, an uncaring mother, being practically an outcast on Olympus, the fact that most mortals saw him only as a hindrance and never could remember his name. (How hard could it be to remember Strife? He was named after what he was for Tartarus' sake!) Or treat him with the respect other Olympians got automatically.

He'd even conquered death.

But now he'd met his match. This was the hardest thing he'd ever done. It was impossible to solve and probably addictive. He hadn't been able to put it down since he brought it from the future. Amazing how something so little could hold so much power he mused as he twisted and turned the little multicolored cube. Perhaps this was impossible; maybe he should acknowledge his defeat and give up?

Never! A thing made by a mortal would not conquer the God of Mischief.

He would conquer the Rubric's cube even if it killed him again.

"Watch'a doing Unc' Stwifie?" a little voice asked, standing next to him.

"Oh, I'm trying ta get tha sides of this cube ta be in one color each by movin' the small thingys. Like this," he demonstrated. "Want ta watch?" he asked and when Bliss nodded, he put him in his lap so the child could see exactly what he was doing. "I saw this thing in tha Hall of Times an' just had ta try it. Apparently it's going ta drive people crazy in about two thousand years." He explained.

Bliss leaned his back against Strife's chest, "That's many years," he said.

Strife laughed and said, "Yep, sure is Kid." He hugged Bliss gently and then continued to play with the Rubric's cube under a lot of grunting and concentrated facial expressions.

Bliss just sat still for a while, relishing the closeness to Strife, and the love he felt Strife had for him. And Daddy too. This was cozy, he thought.

But soon his mind started to wander. This was almost as great as being hugged by Daddy or Mommy.

Mommy.

Mommy was gone. Maybe Unc' Joxie was wrong? Maybe Mommy really didn't love Bliss anymore, and that's why she left? Maybe Bliss had been so bad she couldn't stand to be near him anymore?

No!

Bliss didn't want to think about this anymore! "Can I twy now?" he asked Strife.

"Sure!" Strife looked down at the boy and smiling handed him the cube. Anything that could keep Bliss' mind off Psyche's disappearance was a good thing. There was still no sign of Psyche. It was like she'd vanished into thin air. Bliss took it hard. Anything that could keep his mind off the sorry news was welcomed. Even if the cube was so complicated he doubted even Athena could solve it.

Bliss twisted and turned the cube's movable parts and was puzzled for a while. Then he giggled, changed a couple of parts around and showed Strife. "Like this?" he asked, holding up the cube, now showing one color on each side.

Strife's jaw dropped, "How?" he stuttered. He'd spent days trying to figure this out and now Bliss did it in a couple of minutes. Strife first looked like he was going to cry, but then he laughed and hugged Bliss tightly. "You're a real smart kid, Bliss! I think I hav' ta adopt yah!" he joked.

"Kewl!" Bliss squealed and hugged Strife back. And after a while asked, "What does 'dopt means?"

********

Ares entered his private chamber. He had one in each temple, and boy, did he need them!

After giving his warriors his new orders consisting the warfare in Greece the following year. (What cities that were up for grabs and which cities Ares would castrate them for if they dared to attack.) He had to answer an endless supply of stupid questions, like 'Are you really sure you don't want us to attack Athens and kick Athena's army's collective ass, just a little?'

Hestia's time as God of War had had great impact on things. Many of his warriors did not fear him any longer. Seeing the God of War wearing an apron to battle could do that to a man. Well, after today, that would change!

The Big Bad God of War was back and things would soon get bloody…

That thought perked Ares up a little and he took his sword and chopped the head of an imaginary enemy. Soon he was reminiscing and reenacting an old glorified battle. It had been great. At least until Xena and Blondie had shown up…

In a way, Joxer had brought out the child in him. Ares didn't mind a bit. As long as only Joxer knew, of course.

"Take this!" he growled and then laughed at his own antics.

"Eh hum," someone cleared his throat.

Ares turned around and glared. Who dared to enter the God of War's private chamber?

"Eh, sorry to disturb you, Me Lord. But I… I… I just wanted to… er…"

Ares looked at the man in the doorway. He looked like most of his worshippers. A worn armor and weapons that was kept real well. Probably a professional soldier. The man had rat-brown stripy hair, big out standing ears and a huge red nose. In his forehead, he had a scar.

This man would never win any beauty contests.

"Yes, speak up!" Ares demanded impatiently when the man didn't continue.

"Well, I just wantedtoknowifyou'reOKnow," the man blurted out.

Ares just stared at the man, "What?!"

"Oh there is nothing wrong with it!" the man said hurriedly. "My dear old father always said that a real good warrior is a little insane sometimes."

"Insane!"

"Yeah, I have nothing against it! To each his own as my dear father used to say. I just wanted to know if it has stopped now, and if we are back to business as usual."

Ares sighed, this man was obvious too stupid to be afraid. He really didn't want to have to kill him. Men who were too stupid to be afraid were often great foot soldiers. "Who are you?" he finally asked.

"I'm G.I Joeus!" the man declared proud. "Son of Kenus and Barbiea of Mattela! So are you all right now?"

"I'm not insane."

"So, you don't want to know how my mother is doing?" G.I Joeus asked.

"Tartarus, NO!" Ares roared.

"And you don't mind if me and my friend beats the crap out of another fella as long as he's up to fighting in time for the next battle?"

"Practice is always good." Ares answered.

"And you don't mind the wenches?" G.I Joeus asked hopefully.

"As long as the soldiers knows there's a time for fucking and a time for fighting."

G.I Joeus suddenly got big brown puppy eyes that teared up, and his chin started to shiver. "Ooh, I love you Ares," he said happily and gave the God of War a big hug and a kiss on the mouth. Then he left the room before Ares had a chance to react.

Ares just shook his head. Puzzled he wondered what that was all about. He began to think that all mortals were crazy.

****************

Just as the trio was getting ready to go to bed, there were some movements in the bushes. Hercules and Iolaus tensed and grew alert.

A man came forward, looking identical to Joxer. The black leather and the almost maniacal smirk identified the man as Jett.

"Jett!" Joxer exclaimed, "What in Tartarus are you doing here?"

Hercules stood, eyeing the stranger. He didn't look so dangerous at the first glance, but there was something in his eyes…

"Aren't you suppose to be in prison?" he asked suspiciously.

Jett's smirk grew wider. "I got a pardon," he said innocently.

Joxer raised his eyebrows, "You, a pardon?" he repeated disbelieving.

Jett's eyes glittered, "I did the judge a favor…" he said.

Joxer decided he really didn't want to know exactly what kind of favor.

Hercules and Iolaus seemed to have come to the same decision.

"So… What are you doing here?" Iolaus asked.

Jett looked at his brother; "I heard a real interesting rumor from a priest of Ares' recently. Apparently Ares has chosen a consort. An immortal named Joxer to be exact. So when I heard that you guys just had left the little village back there," he gestured towards the way they'd come from. "I decided to catch up with you. Touch base, sort of speak." He gave Joxer an almost gentle smile. Well, gentle for Jett anyway. "Is it true?" he asked.

Joxer nodded and pulled Mjau into his lap and absentmindedly started to stroke her fur. "Yeah, Ares and I are together. And I kind of became immortal by accident…"

Jett snorted, "That sounds like something only you could do. Becoming immortal by accident…" he said amused. His eyes widened when he noticed the kitten. "Is that one yours?" he asked.

"Yeah, Ares gave him to me."

Jett smiled an actually happy smile, "I guess you really fit together then."

Joxer blushed, "Yes, we fit together real good…" He rose, "Excuse me guys. I have an appointment with a tree."

When he left Herc asked Jett, "How can a cat tell you that Ares and Joxer are good together?"

Jett sighed, "Because Joxer never accepted an animal as a gift before. Or gotten one himself. He wouldn't even accept a horse so he wouldn't have to walk every were."

"Why not?" Iolaus asked puzzled.

"We didn't have the best homelife," Jett said bitterly. "In many ways, Joxer is the sanest of us. At least he doesn't enjoy killing like I do, or speak with a phony accent." Noticing Herc's and Iolaus' surprised looks he said, "What? You guys didn't think I knew I'm a nutcase? I do know that most people don't get off on torture and killing. I just stopped caring about it. I *like* being crazy. It's so much more fun." He grinned, reminiscing his last torture session. Hot pokers were always a good choice. The woman had lasted longer than he thought she would. It had been a lovely surprise. Most people these days were wimps and couldn't stand a little torture now and then.

He continued, "Anyway, when we were five, Grandfather gave Joxer a kitten. Father choked her a month later. When we were seven, Joxer got a puppy; Father drowned him when he pied in his boot. When we were thirteen, we got our first horses. Joxer's mare was quite feisty and disobedient with anyone who wasn't Joxer. Father tried to ride her, got thrown off, and whipped her to death." He gave Herc and Iolaus a meaningful look, "Starting to see a pattern here?"

"Oh my Gods," Iolaus murmured, "He makes my father look alright…"

"Now, most people would realize that the blame lies on our father. Unfortunately, Joxer believed Father and thinks it's his fault. That he trusts Ares enough to accept the cat, says a lot."

"I guess it does," Herc said.

Jett gave him a stern look. "Now listen. I only told you this because of your bad relationship with Ares. To make you realize that trying to destroy their trust is a bad idea. If you go out blabbing about this conversation, I *will* find out. And I *will* kill you." He smiled evilly, "I like to kill heroes. Same thing if I found out you guys ruined this for Joxer…"

"We wont," Herc promised. "I've seen them together. It's real love. I'm glad that they found each other," he admitted.

Jett looked at him for a while then decided he was probably telling the truth, and nodded almost a bit disappointed. He'd had a great death planed for Hercules involving Hephaistian manacles and a very sharp knife...

Joxer came stumbling back to the camp. Almost there, he tripped over a root.

Jett smiled an indulgent smile and helped him back on his feet.

"I might be immortal, but I'm still me," Joxer said with a sad smile. "Stupid place for a root anyway."

"Yes, Joxer. I doubt you'll ever change," Jett said and silently added for himself, 'And I hope you never do, cause you are one of the few things that keeps me human.' "Why don't you sit down and tell me all about Ares and living on Olympus. And how *did* you become immortal?"

Joxer laughed and sat down, "Well it all began…"

*****************

When Joxer woke up, Jett was gone. The only one who'd seen him leave had been Mjau, and he wasn't telling.

They soon continued their journey.

Joxer was in a good mood, telling stories and funny jokes that almost made Iolaus fall over with laughter. Even Hercules couldn't help to smile. It was nice to see a happy Joxer. However, all that joking seemed to make him thirsty. They had almost half a day of walking left and Joxer had already drunk all his water and most of Hercules and Iolaus too. It was a good thing this area had a lot of creeks and springs.

Their good mood was shattered when they came to a crossroad. Joxer froze and became pale, and Iolaus frowned when they saw the silhouettes of the two women. One on horseback and the other one holding a staff.

"Hello Xena, Gabrielle," Hercules said weary when the women came closer.

He and Iolaus stepped closer to Joxer. Iolaus nodded a greeting and Joxer just stared at the women.

"Hello, Joxer," Xena said softly and smiled, trying to show that she didn't feel like Gabrielle.

"Hi, Xena," Joxer answered and gave her a relieved smile. "Mr. Ed." And then continued to give Gabrielle a painful look.

Gabrielle just muttered hello and stared at the ground.

"Are you guys on the way to Corinth?" Xena asked.

"Yes," Hercules said.

"It's Iphicles' birthday soon," Iolaus explained.

"Can we join you?"

Herc and Iolaus both turned to Joxer.

"Sure," he said, and gave Xena another smile. He really didn't want to loose the women's friendship. And it seemed like at least Xena was giving him a peace offering.

They walked mostly in silence for an hour or two. Then Gabrielle finally found her courage and asked, "Joxer, can I talk with you for a while?"

"Sure," he said and sent the others a 'everything's alright, I really want to do this.' look and started to slow down so he and Gabrielle walked a bit after the others.

Gabrielle didn't know how to start. After she'd cussed Joxer and Ares out the last time they met, Xena had told her exactly what she thought about the situation and Gabrielle's attitude. The warrior princess had forced the bard to take a hard look at herself.

Joxer looked at her expectantly.

She bit her lip, "I'm so sorry for the way I reacted, Joxer, and the way I treated you. I guess I couldn't deal with that you wasn't exactly who I thought you should be. I really do think of you as a friend, but when you didn't acted like I expected, I in my great arrogance took it as a insult towards me. I've done a lot of thinking lately. Taking a good look at myself, and were I'm going. And I really don't like the person I've almost become. I just hope that you can forgive me one day, and that we can become friends again."

"Of course I forgive you, Gabby," Joxer said and gave her a hug. "You're one of my best friends. I don't want to loose you."

Gabrielle smiled, "Xena was right, you have the heart of a lion. I'm glad you still considers me a friend." She gave him a light peck on the cheek.

Joxer blushed, "Aw, Gee." He stuttered. "Let's catch up with the others."

"OK," Gabby said. And they started to walk towards the others.

Gabrielle couldn't believe Joxer had forgiven her that easy. She knew she wouldn't be able to if the roles were reversed. She had to make those harsh words up to Joxer. She owed him that. Maybe try to find him a better boyfriend? Cause Ares was *so* not the right one for Joxer. He would just use him. Yes, if she could find Joxer a good boyfriend, everything would be perfect. And she would feel like she'd earned Joxer's forgiveness and not feel ashamed anymore.

*********************

Bliss giggled and continued to chase the yellow butterfly. Playing in Grandma Hera's garden was always fun. He followed the butterfly into the air. Having wings definitely was an advantage when it came to chasing butterflies.

Suddenly Bliss stopped and hovered in the air, crocking his head and tried to listen and homing in on the odd sensation. He knew this tingling feeling from somewhere. This was what he always felt when…

"Mommy!" he cried out and landed, sinking down to his knees, staring at the thistle. "Oh Mommy! You didn't leave Bliss after all," he whispered with happy tears in his eyes.

Cupid came up to his son, worried when he'd heard the boy cry out for his mother. "What you got there, Bliss?" He asked and came in for a closer look. "Oh, that's just a thistle, honey. I wonder if Hera knows she has thistles in her garden." Silently thinking, 'I hope Poseidon didn't planted it because then Tartarus will brake loose on Olympus.'

Bliss giggled happily. "No, Daddy! Can't you feel it? It's Mommy! Isn't she beautiful?"

Cupid just stared at his son.

*****************

Joxer sighed and turned around again. After becoming used to Ares' comfortable bed on Olympus, a bedroll wasn't as great as it used to be. But it beat not having one at all.

He looked at the others. Iolaus was caught in Hercules embrace with Herc burying his face in Iolaus' hair. They looked so peaceful. It was easy to see that they had been together for a long time.

Gabrielle had put her bedroll very close to Xena's. How could he have been so blind? Now when he had given up his foolish crush and found real love instead, it was easy to see the signs. Xena and Gabrielle might not be lovers yet, but they were getting there.

Joxer sighed. He felt so lonely tonight. He sighed again and then felt a strong arm around his waist pulling him close to a broad warm chest. "Ares?" he asked and leaned into the embrace.

"Of course. Who else?"

"I've missed you," Joxer said and tried to get even closer.

"I've missed you too," Ares said and pushed up his hips against Joxer's buttocks, showing him exactly how much.

"Oh," Joxer gasped as Ares hand started to travel down his body. "This is nice, but we're not alone…" he made a gesture towards the sleeping heroes.

"They're sleeping. You just have to be quiet," Ares whispered in Joxer's ear using that seductive voice that always sent shivers down Joxer's spine. "Now, these are in the way," he said and Joxer's clothes were gone in a flash. "Much better," Ares started to caress his lover's half-hard cock with one hand and playing with his nipples with the other one.

Joxer moaned.

"Hush… You don't want to wake them up," Ares said teasingly. "If you cry out, I'll stop and leave."

He kissed Joxer's earlobe and then started to suck on it at the same time as he stroke Joxer's now fully erect cock.

Joxer moaned again.

"Do you want me to stop?" Ares asked sternly.

"No…" Joxer whimpered. "Please, want you," he begged.

"Want you too," Ares admitted and Joxer suddenly felt the now familiar sensation of having oil up his ass. Having a God whom could make things happen with just a thought was a wonderful thing he decided.

Ares licked his lover's throat and slowly entered Joxer. When he was completely inside he started to slowly thrust in the same pace he stroked Joxer's cock.

Joxer whimpered and couldn't decide how to move. One moment he pushed his ass closer to Ares to take more of his God's member inside him, and the next he humped against Ares' hand desperately trying to get his own release.

Ares moved faster and faster. "You like?" he asked.

Joxer's only answer was; "I'm going to scream soon."

Ares chuckled and covered Joxer's mouth with his other hand. "Better this way?"

Joxer nodded and continued to thrust back and forward. Ares stroked him faster and faster and Joxer finally came with a suppressed whimper.

Ares came too after a few more thrusts.

Joxer collapsed on the bedroll, too tired to move. He felt Ares pulling out of him and then there was a tingling sensation and he was clean again. A light flash later he was even dressed.

Ares was still holding him close. "Just sleep," he said. "I'll stay and just hold you for a while."

And Joxer snuggled into Ares arms and slept.

*****************

And just like the morning before, Joxer woke up alone. "If this continues, I'm going to have to take it personally," he muttered before he froze and then rushed behind some bushes.

The others woke up to the sound of Joxer throwing up.

"Are you all right, Joxer?" Iolaus asked concerned.

"Yeah, I guess my stomach didn't like to wake up this early," Joxer answered. But he still felt a bit queasy, "I think I'm going to sit down for a while. What's for breakfast?"

"Dried fish," Xena answered.

And Joxer ran to the bushes again. After a while, he gave out a howl and ran back to the camp like the furies were after him. He grabbed Mjau and stood very close to Xena, shivering, obviously terrified.

"What's the matter?" Hercules asked.

"Ss… Snake! In there!" Joxer stuttered and pointed towards the bushes.

Hercules went and looked. The others heard him laugh and then he came back.

"It was only a garden snake, Joxer. They're not dangerous. They don't even have any venom."

Joxer seemed to relax a little, but not much. "It doesn't matter, it was a snake. That's enough for me. I've never been able to stand them. As soon as I see one, I run in the opposite direction. Poisonous or not."

"But there is nothing to be afraid of! Snakes only attack when hunting or threatened. And not all venomous snakes are lethal for humans. Being so afraid for *all* snakes isn't rational.

"I know it's irrational, Hercules. But the piece of my brain that controls fear doesn't."

"Fear can be conquered, Joxer. You just have to face your fear and stop being afraid and look at this rationally." Herc lectured, trying to help Joxer overcome this weakness.

"It's not that easy to stop being afraid!" Joxer started to feel hurt by Hercules insensitiveness.

"Just let it go, Herc," Iolaus said quietly.

"But, all he have to do…"

"Let. It. Go."

Joxer sat down a bit away from the others with Mjau in his lap. His stomach still didn't want any breakfast and he really didn't feel like returning to his conversation with Herc again.

Hercules was born as a demi-God. He'd always had his strength and confidence. He couldn't understand what it was like when the fear came over you.

Joxer hugged Mjau tighter. "I wish Hercules would be afraid of something ridiculous, so he would know how I feel." This snake incident together with his upset stomach had ruined the good mood he'd been in thanks to Ares visit. "I hope the rest of our trip gets better," He said to Mjau.

Mjau just kept purring.



PART THREE

Cupid entered his father's reading chamber, startling Strife who was sprawled on a couch reading a scroll. When he noticed Cupid, he tried to hide the scroll.

"You don't have to pretend around me, Strife. I helped you learn to read. Remember?"

"Oh, yeah. That's right. So what's up cuz?" Strife asked.

Cupid sat down on the big couch next to Strife. "Life sucks right now," he said miserably and pouted.

"It beats tha other alternative, believe me," Strife said. "So what's wrong?"

"What isn't wrong? Psyche starts to divorce me, then disappears, making me the most likely suspect of any foul play according to most of Olympus. I'm worn out from trying to do Zeus' job, and have tons of work to do. Hades made a mess out of things let me tell you. Can you believe he broke up a great couple that had been married for ten years, making the woman fall in love with a solider who only likes men and the husband fall in love with a pig!"

"That wasn't a nice thing ta say, Cupid. I'm sure she has some great qualities. Ya should know bettah than to judge by appearances." Strife scolded teasingly.

"No, I mean a real pig! And do you know what reason Hades had when I asked him?"

Strife shook his head a bit amused by Cupid's ranting. He was so cute when he was annoyed or angry, or upset, or sad, or happy, all right, he was always cute.

"He thought the pig felt lonely!!"

Strife exploded with laughter. When he'd calmed down enough to be able to speak again, he gave Cupid an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Cupe. But this was hilarious. I just pictured Hades having a conversation with tha pig, checking up if tha pig was happy now."

Cupid's mouth started to twitch as he conjured up that image. It was quite amusing.

Strife continued, "But I'm sorry if Hades made a big mess of things for ya. I've caught up with my work again. It was easily done with some standard pranks and mischief. I don't understand how Zeus could have such a hard time managing my job. So if ya need any help, just ask."

"Thanks Strife!" Cupid said gratefully. "I'll probably hold you to that. Now with the problem with Bliss and everything."

Strife frowned, "What's wrong with Bliss?"

The Love God sighed, "Psyche's disappearance has been hard for him. He overheard Psyche saying something she shouldn't have before she left. And when he realized that she was gone, he blamed himself. And now, he found a thistle in Hera's garden and insists its Psyche. He calls it Mommy, carrying around it in a pot and talks to it. He refuses to go anywhere without it. And he insists on that Hera was on Olympus when everyone knows she's resting in Gaea's valley."

"Oh, that's probably just his way to cope with all this. I'm sure he'll stop when he feels secure enough and some time have passed," Strife comforted.

"But we might not have that time. Some of the Gods have started talking about getting Zeus and Hera to take Bliss away from me until Psyche's disappearance has been explained and its clear that I didn't have anything to do with it!" Cupid exclaimed nearly crying.

Strife put an arm over Cupid's shoulder, "That won't happen. No one wants both Love and War to be pissed at him, and Ares and Aphrodite would never agree to that. And if someone is stupid enough ta take this to Zeus, all we have ta do is hint about spilling the beans about the mess he made with the chaos stone."

Cupid raised his eyebrows, "You knew?" he asked surprised.

Strife giggled, "There is very few things going on that I don't know about. And Zeus was using my Godhood after all."

"You don't believe that I have anything to do with Psyche's disappearance, do you?" Cupid asked worried.

"Nah, not your style. If you wanted ta hurt Psyche it would've been up front. Besides, you said you didn't do it. Your word is good enough ta me."

"Oh, thank you, Strife. You are a real good friend," Cupid said and gave Strife a hug.

Dark brown eyes met pale blue eyes and suddenly Cupid felt a surge of power directed at him. "How could I be so dense not to notice?" he murmured. "You love me, don't you?" he asked giving Strife a brilliant overjoyed smile.

Strife could only nod. No point in denying feeling love to a Love God.

"I wish I'd known this before…" Cupid said and leaned forward capturing Strife's lips in a tender kiss.

Strife moaned. If this was a dream he hoped Morpheus would let him sleep forever.

*********************

"So, what are the Gods like?" Gabrielle asked as they walked toward Corinth.


"Most of them are nice. Some of them aren't. Like most people, I guess. But with more powers and stuff." Joxer answered and took a sip from his water skin. He couldn't believe all the water he drank nowadays. His time on Olympus must have made him softer than he thought since walking took so much energy from him.

"Apollo is real good looking, isn't he?"

"I guess." Joxer said noncommittally. "Most of the Gods are handsome. Just look at Ares."

"I bet Hermes is fun to be with." Gabrielle changed the subject away from Ares.

Joxer laughed, "He's just like Autolycus, only more… everything."

"Auto, you like Auto, don't you?" Gabby asked eagerly.

Joxer shrugged, "He's alright. He really likes to boast a lot. But since Jett worked with him, he got to be good at his trade."

"Have you ever met Iphicles? He's quite a looker."

"Well, not really met him, but I've seen him." Joxer grinned. "He looks so much like Ares."

"I haven't noticed that. Anyway, Iphicles is all alone now after his wife died. But now it probably has been enough time so he'll be ready to start seeing someone again."

"I hope he finds someone. It's wonderful to have someone to love."

"Maybe you two will get a chance to talk. I bet you have a lot in common."

Joxer stopped and looked at the Bard. "Gabrielle, what's going on? If I didn't know better I would think that you were trying to hook me up with someone!"

Gabrielle did her best to look innocent, "What? No! Of course not." She gave out a nervous giggle, "I just thought you guys could be good friends. You can never have enough friends." She looked at Mjau, sitting on Joxer's shoulder.

"Your cat is adorable," she changed the subject. "Here kitty, kitty…" she coed and raised a hand to pat Mjau on the head.

The kitten hissed and pulled his ears back. When she ignored his warning, he raised a paw with extracted claws and scratched the back of her hand. She jerked back. "He attacked me!" she exclaimed.

"He did hiss out a warning first," Joxer defended his kitten. "Cat's are like that. They want to be able to choose their company. I guess he doesn't like you yet. Give it time. And I'm sure he'll approach you on his own."

"But, all animals love me!" Gabrielle said insulted and than glared at Mr. Ed who had given out an amused snort.

**************

If Mjau had been a dog, he would've growled. But since he was a cat and cats are too dignified to growl, he simply pulled his ears back and left Gabrielle. The Blonde was so annoying. She didn't smell good and had a very irritating voice. And could she ever shut up? She just went on and on and on about her opinion of things. At least Leather Woman was standable. She smelled like fish and had a nice dark voice. And she didn't use it unnecessary. And the horse, Mr. Ed was nice too. Cats and horses usually went well together. Maybe he could get a ride later. And Smiley Face was nice too. He'd hunted a rabbit and given Mjau a good part. But except his Pet, the one in the camp that Mjau liked the best was Broad Shoulders.

Broad Shoulders reminded him of Black Leather. Mjau missed Black Leather. He'd visited Pet last night, but left before morning. Broad shoulders didn't look like Black Leather at a first look. But they were both big men, and smelled almost the same. They probably came from the same litter. Maybe Broad shoulders was as good at cuddling as Black Leather?

The kitten walked up to Hercules who was tending the fire. He didn't notice Mjau until he stroked against Herc's leg and purred.

The hero gave out a girlish shriek and was fast on his feet. He quickly moved away from the cat. Who simply followed him, still purring.

"What's the matter, Herc?" Iolaus asked.

"That *thing* is following me!" Herc turned to Joxer, "Shouldn't the cat be on a leash or something so he can't hurt somebody?"

"Hurt somebody?" Joxer repeated confused and stared at Herc who still was trying to get away from the kitten. "He's just a little kitten, Herc. Not a lion or something."

"Cat's are sneaky and they steal babies breath!" Herc exclaimed as he walked yet another turn around the fire. Mjau followed him.

What a great game! Broad Shoulders was so funny. Mjau couldn't wait to see if he was a good cuddler.

"That is just stupid superstition, Hercules," Gabrielle lectured. "There is no evidence that cats harm babies in any way."

"I don't care they are still evil. With their tails and whiskers and stuff," Herc shivered. "And can you please control your cat!" he growled. "I don't want him anywhere near me!"

Seeing that Herc's focus was on Joxer now, Mjau slowly and quietly crept closer. And then, a loud meow and rubbing against a leather clad calf.

Herc jumped high and then ran to the closest tree and climbed up. He was shivering with fear.

Ooh. Climbing. So fun! Mjau thought and climbed after.

When Iolaus walked up to the tree, Herc was long out on a branch with the kitten slowly working his way out there. "Herc, Have you forgot it's dogs that can't climb threes?" Iolaus asked, a bit amused.

"This is *not* funny," Hercules scowled and jumped out of the tree with a pretty clumsy landing.

Mjau followed, but Joxer scooped him up and carried him away from Hercules. "You better stay with me, Mjau. Until we find out what's wrong with Hercules."

Xena was frowning, "Hercules has never been afraid of cats before. Maybe someone has put a spell on him."

"I guess we better talk to Ares," Gabrielle said.

Joxer shook his head, "No, Ares promised he wouldn't attack Herc unless Herc attacked him."

"And you believed him!?"

Joxer ignored Gabrielle and looked at Xena, "He gave me his word."

Xena nodded understandingly, "Then it's not Ares. But who?"

"Maybe Phobos knows." Joxer said, "It's a part of his job after all."

"Maybe he did it," Gabrielle murmured.

Joxer called on Phobos while Xena glared at Gabrielle, Iolaus tried to comfort Hercules and Mjau tried to escape Joxer's arms.

Phobos arrived in a blue flash. Almost identical to his twin Deimos, but with dark hair instead of blond, he looked a lot like Strife. "What's up, Joxer?" he asked and then turned and looked at Herc. "Whoa! Someone really has it in for Uncle Herc!" he giggled. "Making him fear kittens, now, that is a plan almost worthy of Strife."

Xena narrowed her eyes, "Is it Strife?" she asked.

Phobos shook his head, "Nope, I doubt its even Olympian. I don't recognize its power signature." He snickered, "Besides, Strife is … busy."

"What do you mean?" Joxer asked, knowing very well what a gossip Phobos was.

Phobos continued to snicker, "Hermes walked in on him and Cupe necking on a couch like there was no tomorrow. They're probably still at it."

Joxer grinned, "That's great! Cupid really needs someone right now." Then he frowned and gave Phobos a concerned look, "But weren't you and Strife together?"

Phobos shook his head, "Nah, we are just friends. We get together sometimes when neither of us has a partner. The sex is great, but we are too alike to be involved romantically."

Gabrielle shuddered, hearing about Strife's sex life. She so didn't need to know that Strife was a good lover. "So you don't have a clue who did this to poor Hercules?" She asked.

"Nope, I'll ask around," he answered.

"Are you sure it wasn't you?" Gabrielle gave the God of Fear a stern glare.

"I don't want Zeus to fry my ass for messing with Jercules, thank you very much. He's not worth it. Besides, if I was to mess with him, I wouldn't be stupid enough to do it with my own trademark." He crocked his head like he was listening to something, "Sorry guys, but I have to go. I'm working with Morpheus tonight. Making real frightening nightmares…" He nodded to Joxer, "Later," and left.

Joxer absentmindedly stroked Mjau's fur. This situation was strangely familiar. He had wished that Hercules would find out what it felt like to be scared. But it was impossible. Gaea had the Chaos stone now. It was safe were it belonged. Wasn't it?

************************

They didn't sleep well that night. Mjau tried to sneak up in Hercules bedroll every chance he got. Then Herc would yell, Joxer sigh, get up and grab the cat and put him back on his own bedroll, holding him close. But his grip would always loosen when he was drifting of to sleep, and then Mjau sneaked away again. And then the circus started all over again.

Finally Joxer stayed up until he was sure Herc was completely asleep. Then he turned in.

When Iolaus woke up next morning, he stared into the kitten's face. "We better move you before Herc wakes up and have another fit," he said and rose. He moved Mjau to Joxer's bedroll and that woke Joxer up.

A moment later, Joxer was running towards some bushes.

When he came back, Xena was awake and Iolaus looked at him worriedly, "This isn't normal, Joxer. You should go to Asclepius ' temple when we arrive in Corinth."

Joxer nodded weakly, "Yeah, I've been feeling a bit strange lately. I'll talk to Asclepius," he promised. "Maybe I'm allergic to being immortal?" he pondered for himself.

Just as Gabrielle woke up, a familiar shimmer started. And then Hera, Queen of the Gods appeared.

Iolaus rose from the fire he'd just started, a bit weary but not in the mood to provoke the Goddess with out reason.

Gabrielle gasped out, "Hera!"

Xena made sure she was between Gabrielle and the Goddess and that her sword and chakram were at her side.

Joxer gave Hera a sunny smile, "Lady Hera! How nice of you to visit! Is there anything I can do for you?"

Hera smiled back. "Yes, Dear. And you can start calling me Mother as I asked you too."

Joxer blushed, "Oh, I'm sorry, Mother. I just forgot. This is still so new for me."

"Apology accepted," Hera beamed. "I just wanted to see you, is everything all right?"

Before Joxer had a chance to answer, Hercules gave out a bellow. While Joxer and the others were distracted with Hera's arrival, Mjau had sneaked back to Hercules bedroll. And now the Demi God was awake…

Screaming and shouting, running away from the kitten until Xena took pity on him and scoped up Mjau, and held him in his arms.

Hera looked at her stepson, "What's his problem?" Has he finally snapped?" she asked hopefully. "You know, insanity runs in his cow of a mother's family."

Joxer ignored Hera's jibe at Alcemene, "No, Someone made him afraid of kittens," he explained. "And Phobos couldn't see who it is." He walked closer and quietly said, "The strange thing is, that I wished that Herc would know what it's like to be afraid. If I didn't know better I would think that you Gods misplaced the Chaos stone again."

Hera blushed, "Actually; that's the real reason I'm here…" she confessed. "I've spent some time in Gaea's cottage and she asked me to look after the Chaos stone. And now, I can't find it anywhere! I'd hope it had come to you, since it likes you so much."

Joxer shook his head; "I haven't seen it. But since my wish came true, it might be around here somewhere. Where I haven't noticed it. Why don't you just ask Gaea? She might be able to feel it," he suggested.

"No! I'll never hear the end of it! Grandmother always treats me like a baby." Hera pouted, "Don't forget to feed the animals, remember my flowers, do this do that," she said in a pretty good impression of Gaea.

Joxer nodded sympathetically, "My grandmother was the same way. We better look for it then."

And they looked and looked, everywhere. But they couldn't find anything similar to a Chaos stone. Finally Hera's eyes riveted to the mortals. "Strip!" she commanded.

"What!?" Iolaus exclaimed.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Joxer asked faintly, blushing when he looked at Gabrielle and Xena.

"There is no way in Tartarus that I'm going to take my clothes of in front of Joxer and you!" Gabrielle glared.

"Yes you will," Hera growled and showed them all exactly how much his mothers son Ares was.

"I am not getting naked in front of that creature!" Hercules pouted.

"Why don't I take Mjau and go into the woods where I can't see Gabby… I mean were Herc can't see Mjau?" Joxer suggested eagerly and practically ran from the camp when Hera nodded.

Hera turned to the others, "Now, what are you waiting for? Strip!"

Gabrielle folded her arms around he chest, "I'm not doing it!" she said stubbornly.

"Do you really think that you have a choice?" Hera's eyes flashed and Gabrielle was naked with a wave of her hand. Hercules and Iolaus quickly turned around.

"My clothes!" Gabrielle shrieked.

"You don't have it," Hera said disappointed and dressed Gabrielle with a flick of her finger. But not in her usual clothes. No, now Gabrielle was wearing a frilly purple dress with red hearts on. It covered her from neck, to wrists and ankles and had a lot of laces.

Hera turned to the others, "Now, are the rest of you going to do this by your selves, because if I have to 'help' you, you'll end up in something similar to what Blondie is wearing."

The others quickly started to strip. But no Chaos stone.

"Is it safe to come back?" Joxer asked from behind a tree when the mortals were almost dressed again.

"It's all right, Dearie!" Hera said. "They didn't have it." She sighed, "Oh, well. At least I got to see Iolaus naked," she leered.

Iolaus blushed, gave out a yelp and moved so he was hidden behind Hercules. Who in turn tried to hide behind Xena since he had seen that Mjau had returned.

"I *so* didn't need to know that!" Joxer said and then grabbed his water skin and began to drink.

When he was finished Hera gave him a hug and said amused, "What? Just because I don't *act* on my impulses like the old goat does, doesn't mean I don't have them. I enjoy eye-candy just as much as the next girl." Then she frowned, pulled away a bit from Joxer and moved a hand to his stomach. "Joxer, you didn't happen to wish for something, involving you and Ares, by any chance?"

Joxer frowned and thought about it, trying to remember, "Well now that you mention it… Why?"

"Because unless I'm wrong, and I'm seldom wrong about these things, you're pregnant."

Joxer shouted out, "Ares!" and then promptly fainted.

**********************

When Ares arrived, Joxer lay on the ground with his head in Hera's lap. The goddess was washing his face with a damp cloth, silently cooing things like, "Don't worry precious, everything's going to be alright. It's time to wake up, Dear." Oblivious to the mortals in the camp.

Gabrielle was alternately screaming, blaming Hera and telling everyone else to calm down.

Xena was trying to calm down Gabrielle.

Iolaus was asking Hera what was wrong with Joxer, and Hercules threw accusations at Hera, hiding, unsuccessfully, behind Iolaus. After all, Mjau was standing next to Joxer and Hera meowing his little hart out. Something was wrong with his Pet!

"Enough!" Ares shouted. Everybody except Mjau and Gabrielle stopped. With an irritating glare, Ares put a gag on Gabrielle and transported both her and the warrior princess a mile away from the camp. Ares picked up Mjau, stroking his fur comforting. Then turned to Hera, "Mother," he said and raised one eyebrow, "care to explain exactly why my beloved is laying unconscious in your lap?"

Hera looked at the two heroes still in the camp and after a wave of her hand, they froze, with their eyes blank staring into oblivion.

Hera bit her lip; "It's my fault I'm afraid. I gave him some news a bit too bluntly."

Ares sighed, sat down next to her, moved Joxer to his own lap, sharing it with Mjau, and gently started to stroke his hair, "Tell me the whole story, please," he asked.

"Well, I lost the Chaos stone!" Hera blurted out.

Ares stared at his mother; "I don't believe this! Father, yes! He doesn't always think with his brain, but you! How could you loose it? How hard can it be to take care of one small rock?! And what has it done to Joxer?"

"The same as the last time, I'm afraid. Giving him what he wished for." She gave her son a motherly smile. "He wished he could give you a child, Ares."

"You… you mean Joxer is…?"

"Yes dear, Joxer is pregnant with your child. And I guess the news were a bit to much for him."

"Joxer is having my baby?"

"Yes, didn't I just say that?"

"My baby, in Joxer?"

"Oh, you're in shock, right?"

"Baby?"

'Sigh' "Yes, Ares, a baby. They *do* turn up once in a while. Remember? It's not like it's your first child," Hera said a bit irritated.

"It's my first child with Joxer!" Ares glared.

"So you are happy about this?" she asked.

"Accident or not, this is the greatest gift Joxer has given me since he told me he loved me."

"Good." Hera rose and got a determined look on her face. "I don't like this, but we have no other choice. I've looked for that stone everywhere, both in the Valley and on Olympus, and since Joxer and the others don't have it, I don't have a clue where it can be. I have to call on Gaea. I'll never hear the end of this, but we need to get a hold of the Chaos stone. Try to wake up Joxer." Hera closed her eyes and called on her grandmother. It would take some time since Gaea at this moment was one with the Earth. Making sure everything was right.

"Wake up, lovely," Ares cooed.

Joxer's eyelids fluttered, "What… um mfm," he mumbled.

"You need to wake up now, we have a lot to talk about."

Joxer opened his eyes, "Ares?" he asked and gave his lover a brilliant smile, "It's so nice to see you. I had the strangest dream. Hera and the Chaos stone were in it."

"It was no dream, Honey."

"No dream? You mean I'm pre… pre… pr…" Joxer stuttered.

"Yes, you're pregnant." Ares confirmed.

Joxer suddenly looked a bit insecure and scared, "You're not mad are you? For me messing things up I mean."

Ares held him close, "Of course not! I think this is great. I can't wait to be a father again. But how do you feel? This isn't exactly the natural order of things"

"This is better than natural," Joxer answered, then he paused and then looked up at Ares face and puzzled asked, "But how are we going to do this. I'm a guy, how will the baby get *out*!?"

"I'm not sure, I guess we have to ask Mother, Apollo or Ascleiupus about that. The only males I know who has given birth have been Gods. It's probably different for immortals." He shuddered, "There is *no* way I'm going to let Heph cut your head in half."

Just as Joxer said, "I'm glad to hear that," Gaea appeared. She looked around, let her eyes glaze on Hera, stopped a while at Hercules and Iolaus, still standing like statues, and finally turned to Ares and Joxer. "My, you *have* been busy;" she said with an amused smile on her lips.

"I'm sorry, Grandmother. It's my fault. I lost the Chaos stone," Hera mumbled sullenly.

Gaea shook her head sadly, "When will you ever learn, Hera?"

"But I made sure to look at it at least once a day and I even dusted it!" Hera defended herself.

"Yes, but that wasn't what I asked for. I asked you to keep the Chaos stone company. To look after it. Not just make sure it was there and didn't collect dust! Haven't you figured out that the stone is like a living being? It loves company. You ignoring it made it leave and look for some entertainment."

"You mean Joxer?" Ares asked.

Gaea smiled, "Yes, The Chaos stone really likes him. That's why it granted him his highest wish, and a couple of not so high wishes," she added.

Joxer blushed, "Can you undo whatever it is that makes Hercules afraid of kittens?" he asked hopefully.

Ares started to chuckle, "You made Jercules afraid of kittens?" he asked.


"Yeah, I really didn't mean to, it was just a thing in the moment," Joxer explained.

Ares roared with laughter, "Oh, please mother, wake him up for me," he begged Hera and grabbed Mjau.

Hera smirked and Iolaus and Hercules woke up.

"What do you mean by freezing us like that!" Hercules started to rant, then he realized what Ares held in his arms, "Oh no!" he exclaimed in horror.

Ares grinned madly and raised the kitten towards Hercules, "What's the matter, little brother? Don't you want to say hello to Jox' kitten?"

Herc backed away and Ares followed until Hercules was trapped with his back against a tree. Ares shoved Mjau right up in his face and said, "Meeeeow!" tauntingly.

Hercules became pale as a sheet, gave out a girlish shriek and fainted.

Ares looked down at his brother, "I think I broke him," he said absentmindedly and stroked Mjau's fur. He looked closer at the kitten's collar. "Hey, Joxer. Nice stone here, where did you get it?" he asked.

"I thought *you* got it for me, one morning Mjau was just wearing it. I was going to thank you for it but it always seemed to slip my mind," Joxer answered confused.

Gaea laughed, "Of course it slipped your mind! The Chaos stone didn't want anyone to notice him."

Joxer paled and then blushed, "You mean the stone has been on Mjau's collar all this time and I never noticed?"

"Don't feel bad, Dear. The Chaos stone is very good at manipulating minds when it wants to." Gaea went to Ares side and removed the little stone from Mjau's collar. It immediately grew to its normal size in her hand. "Now, old friend, please restore poor Hercules mind, the way you found it. I know he is a bit of a boar, but he is young. He'll have time to change."

Herc got surrounded by a blue shimmer, but didn't wake up. Seeing Iolaus worried face Gaea hurriedly explained, "Don't worry. When he wakes up, everything's going to be back to normal. He'll awoke in about an hour or so."

"Thank you," Iolaus said. It could never hurt to be polite to a Goddess. He sat down next to Herc, pulling his head on his lap, quite similar to Hera's actions with Joxer earlier. "What about Xena and Gabrielle?" he asked Hera.

"Oh don't worry about them, I just transported Xena and the scream machine a couple of miles away. They'll be back before you know it." Hera answered.

Ares pulled Joxer up from the ground, "Lets go home and make mad passionate love for a couple of days," he suggested hopefully.

"Sounds good to me," Joxer grinned.

"We just have to remember to visit Asclepius or Apollo later, to make sure everything's all right," Ares said sternly.

Joxer leaned against his chest and sighed, "You're right. But I detest going to the healer."

"I'll make it up to you," Ares coed and they disappeared in a shimmer.

"Is something really wrong with Joxer?" Iolaus asked Gaea and Hera concerned.

"You'll find out soon enough," Gaea said a bit amused.

"So I guess everything's alright again, I really should be off…" Hera said innocently and prepared to leave.

"Not so fast, young lady!" Gaea said sternly. "While you've been roaming around Greece, trying to locate the Chaos stone instead of simply telling me, my garden has almost dried out. A lot of my flowers and plants have died. And you made a commitment to keep my garden tiptop! So now, you are going to stay in the Valley until everything's back to normal." Seeing Hera's relieved face she added, "And you're going to do it the mortal way. No powers."

"Do I have to?" Hera whined.

Gaea looked at her granddaughter sternly. "Don't. Make. Me. Repeat. My. Self."

Hera mumbled, "No ma'am," and the two Goddesses left.

Leaving poor Iolaus holding the bag. "Now, what am I going to tell the others when Herc wakes up and the girls comes back," he said and scratched his head. "Maybe they'll leave me alone if I simply say the Gods really are crazy?"


THE END