Title: Consolation Prize

Author/pseudonym: Scorpio

Fandom: Herc/Xena

Paring: Hard to say.... Joxer/Strife?

Rating: PG (naughty word alert)

Catagory: Humor

Status: new/complete

Archive: Yes please. WWOMB & Joxerotica.

E-mail:LouisdPdL@aol.com

Series/Sequels: not yet...

Disclaimers: I don't own 'em, and since I am broke, it would be silly to sue...

Notes: just a bit of fluff that amused my muse...

Summary: Zeus holds a contest...

Warnings: General Silliness ahead, please salute. Not beta'd and my spelling is a crime....


Consolation Prize
by Scorpio

Strife sighed in resignation and rolled his eyes. He fought with an incredible urge to zap a bolt of energy at his stupid mother, Discord. There were times when she merely annoyed him, and there were times when he actively hated her. It was definitely time to hate.

Every ten years, Zeus held a contest day of sorts to determine the skill levels of the Gods. Each God had to sign up for at least three events. Today was that day, and to Strife's total annoyance, his mother had signed him up for extra events. He tried to worm his way out of it, but Hera had sided with Discord. Now he was stuck.

He, himself had signed up for the Sprint Race. He had come in second place. Only Hermes was faster. That had been expected by all.

He, himself had signed up for the Dagger Throwing Contest. He had come in second place. Only Ares was more accurate. That had been expected by all.

He, himself had signed up for the Applied Torture Competition. He had come in second place. Only Discord had been more cruel. That had also been expected by all.

Discord had signed him up for the Dress Like A Slut Fashion Show. `Dite had won as expected. However, he had come in second place, actually shoving his dear `ole mom out of her normal slot. Everyone had been amazed at his ability to be a "Bottom Boy Slut" (direct quote from Cupie himself).

Discord had signed him up for the Drinking Contest. Dionysos had won as expected. However, he had come in second place, actually shoving Apollo out of his normal slot. Everyone had been amazed at his ability to "Soak up wine like a sponge" (direct quote from Ares himself).

And to top it all off, Discord had also signed him up for the Trivia and Knowledge Competition. Athena had won as expected. However, he had come in second place shoving Hermes the Gossip King out of his normal slot. This one had shocked everyone, himself included. "How in Tartarus did he know *that*?" had been the most frequently asked question.

All in all, Strife felt he did *amazingly* well, especially since he had to do three contests that he himself did not sign up for. He also was a little upset that only those in First Place received a prize. Second place never did. He felt that it was unfair in the extreme. So, he decided to take action.

"Ya know," he said to his grandfather in his most reasonable tone of voice. "I think I deserve some sort of reward or somethin'. I mean, after all, I got the most points."

Zeus looked down from his throne at his smirking grandson with something close to amusement in his eyes. He didn't actively dislike his grandson, but the little bugger did set him off kilter quite often. While he *was* secretly pleased that Strife did so well, he had long since learned to associate trouble with the young godling. So, he played for time to figure out what to do to get his attention focused on someone else. After all, only a fool wanted the undivided attention of the God of Mischief,. and Zeus was no fool, contrary to what Hera said.

"Ah,. what do you mean, you have the most points? What points?"

"Well, ya see. If you was ta assign points for place. Like, First Place gets three points. Second place gets two points and third place only gets one point. Fourth and below don't get any points. See?"

"Yeah,. so?" "Well." Zeus thought about it and figured out that, yes, taken that way, the numbers did work in Strife's favor.

"See? Consistently high scores, and all."

Hera, who was still angry at Strife for a rather nasty practical joke he had pulled, objected highly to the godling getting *any* sort of recognition. Her shrill voice had, unfortunately captured the attention of the other Gods. This started the Great Strife Debate. Two days of arguing and a few well placed blows later, Zeus had finally made a decision. One that was tentatively agreed on by all.

After calling the Gods as witnesses, Zeus summoned Strife to the Olympian Assembly Hall to hear the verdict of his request for a consolation prize for having the most points.

Strife walked into the gleaming white marble hall and strode up to the front podium where his grandfather waited with something of a swagger. He ignored the snorts of laughter and the stifled giggles. His favorite uncle, Ares had warned him. Zeus had insisted that Strife be given a prize, but the other Gods didn't agree. So, they had tried to come up with a prize that would be more of a punishment. Strife felt rather good about the fact that Ares had not only warned him, but had refused to participate. Ares, like Zeus, honestly felt Strife deserved to have a reward. But, unlike Zeus, he wasn't forced to make nice-nice with the whole pantheon.

So, head held high, Strife marched to his fate, determined to refuse the *prize* and force some sort of petty guilt on his family. Once he reached the podium, he did that quick bowing of the head thingy to Zeus that formality demanded, and then stood their staring straight into his eyes. Then, slowly and purposely, Strife winked. Zeus didn't know whether to laugh or run. Instead, he cleared his throat.

"Strife,. We the Gods have thought long and hard about a reward that would be suitable to honor you and your talents. We have decided to bestow the greatest gift the pantheon can give to one of our own. A mortal."

Strife gasped. It took a unanimous vote from the entire Pantheon of Olympus to grant all rights over a mortal to one single God. Ares sold him out! Strife was both impressed and pissed. A shimmering in the air beside him caught his attention. He turned and looked, only to gasp again.

A male mortal dressed in cheap homemade armor that sort of resembled metal rags began to materialize beside him. A high pitched and nasal voice echoed off the rafters. "Hey! What the?..." then the mortal glanced around at all the giggling and chuckling Gods and promptly fainted.

"You guys got me Joxer!?!"

"Yes." Zeus tried not to cringe. Every God in the assembly hall had received at least four separate prayers from the faithful to get rid of Joxer. Apparently, he was a major klutz that always seemed to get into more trouble than he was worth. And he never failed to bring his friends into trouble right with him. Every God here felt that saddling the God of Mischief with Joxer the Mighty was the worst punishment they could devise.

For his part, Strife was shocked. Here he thought his family was trying to be mean to him and they got him a Joxer of his very own. His black heart swelled with love and happiness. Tears threatened to well in his eyes A big smile broke out on his face and waves of cheer radiated out from him.

"Oh Guys! I don't know what to say. He's perfect." Strife gushed.

All the Gods snapped to instant quiet at that statement. Their attention was riveted on the two forms at the front of the hall.

"He's such a beautiful little trouble maker!" Strife went on, oblivious to his families sudden distress. "Oh, after I train him up right, why, he'll be the biggest danger to the known world that anyone's ever seen before."

A gasp of startled fear went through the assembly.

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!" Strife rushed on enthusiastically.

Bundling up his unconscious Consolation Prize in a gentle embrace, Strife *poofed* from the Assembly Hall.

Wicked laughter echoed through the hall seconds before Ares materialized into view. The God of War looked out over the sea of horrified faces and lost all control on his mirth.

"I gota go." Ares got out around his giggles. "I want to be there when Joxer finds out that he's Strife new toy."

With that, the chortling God blinked out again. Zeus didn't now whether to laugh or run. He wasn't' sure which was most unsettling. Strife's reaction to Joxer as a prize, or the fact that Joxer as a prize had been Ares own idea, and that he had managed to manipulate the whole pantheon into giving the trouble making fool to the God of Mischief. Zeus turned pale at the thought of what they had done and his own giggles had a note of hysteria to them..


The End.