Title: Cupids Challenge (or Give me the Chocolate and no one will get hurt!)
Author: Scorpio
Fandom: Herc/Xena
Paring: Strife/Cupid
Rating: R
Status: complete
Archive: Yes,... to anyone who wants the silly thing.
E-mail: LouisdPdL@aol.com
Series: no.
Warnings: Foul language. Implied m/m. Minor violence and meyhem. (this *is* Strife we're talking about after all...)
Disclaimers: I do not own Cupid, Strife, Chevrolet, M&M Mars, Hershey, Godiva or anything else mentioned in this story... I'm not making any money and I intend no infringement on anyone's rights. This is a harmless bit on demented fluff...
Notes: No actual clerks, gang-bangers, shoppers, pets, or the city of Chicago was *really* harmed in the making of this story...
Summary: Cupid challenges Strife to go 48 hours without using his God powers... Stife is left to deal with a build up of divine energy...
Cupid's Challenge (or Give me the Chocolate and no one will get hurt!)
by Scorpio
4 down and 44 to go...
I should'a never taken that stupid bet with Cupid. I mean,... I *knew* goin' in that it'd be rough, ya know? But he don' got sneaky on me and made it a matter a pride. I *really* gotta do somethin' about my complex...
See, he comes in all cocky. Real attitude. Accusin' me of being a bit of a wuss, or some shit. He goes on and on about how I'm usin' my powers for a bunch a stupid little stuff... A *real* tough guy don' need to do *that* he says... A *real* tough guy can make do...
And me,... well, I don' bought it. Hook, line and sinker...I'm such a schmuck...
So, here I am, sittin' around with nothin' to do `cause I *can't* go anywhere... Well, unless I wanta walk or take the bus or somethin'. Fuck *that* noise!
I suck it up and tell myself, It's *only* 48 hours numb nutz. You can do that. Only 48 hours till you can use the `ole God powers... Thing is,... us Gods *need* to use our powers. If we don't, well, the energy just builds up inside with no way ta get out. It's not the most pleasant thing in the world, ya know?
Ya feel like you're all juiced up and ya feel all tingly and shit. All of us react a little different when we,... ah,... abstain, so ta speak. Me, I get antsy. Nervous, ya know? Almost like paranoid, but not quite. And hyper. Holy fuck, do I get hyper.
I should go pace at Cupid's and drive *him* freakin' batty too.
It's just all this energy, ya know. I can feel it buildin' up inside and I wanta explode. It's *so* hard not ta just let my thoughts manifest themselves inta reality. It's not just a physical need, it's a habit of millennia, ya know? Hungry? Poof, there's a meal. Thirsty? Poof, wash it all down.
Fuck! This is harder than I thought it would be...
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12 down and 37 to go...
I *gotta* do somethin'. *Anything*. I'm goin' stir crazy. I have so much energy just pulsin' through me and no way ta let it out. I gotta figure out somethin' ta just let it flow outta me. I can't use my powers ta do it... so I figure, hey, why not expend energy like the mortals do?
So, I hitched a ride ta Chicago from Hermes. Just for the record, that ain't cheatin', see cause *I* didn't use energy to get here. I just took advantage of Hermes comin' here anyway. Besides, ain't it like sorta his job, him bein' the God of Travelers and all?
He was real cool about it too. Me and him get along pretty good. I mean,... he's like all respectable and all, hangin' with the *right* crowd and what not. Me, I'm... well, not, ya know? But it doesn't matter ta him, and all. It's like, honor among thieves, and shit... Cool, huh?
He dropped me off in a *really* bad neighborhood, as per my request. I know a bunch of hard asses that run the streets. `Course, I run the hard asses. Now, they don't know I'm a God and all,... they just think I'm this really cool and totally crazy dude and they all try real hard ta be like me. Kids these days, huh?
So, I start roamin' the streets, lookin' for my boyz. They're always good for a thrill,... ya know. A few blocks from where I started, I find three of `em. They are in some sort of shoutin' match with five guys from the other side of the industrial park. What are *they* doin' on *my* turf?!
The dude who runs things down there once tried ta insult me by callin' me a fucked-up pysco blood junkie. I asked him if he was tryin' flattery ta get in my pants and he sorta blew a fuse in his brain box. They took him away in an ambulance after *that* little discussion. Hey, Mischief makin' ain't just a job,... it's a way a life, ya know?
Still, seems like they forgot ta stay outta *my* territory. Well, time ta bust some heads...Hey, maybe *this'll* unload some a that damn energy, huh?
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18 down and only 31 to go...
Fuck! I hurt! I'm *still* sore from that fight 6 hours ago. Damn, it sucks not ta be able ta just *poof* the aches and pain away.
I'm stiff! I'm sore! And I'm *still* overflowing with God energy! Fuck!
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28 down and only 21 to go...
{YAWN!
Huh? Where am I?
Oh yeah. I fell asleep. Funny that. All that fuckin' extra energy and I *still* fell asleep. Guess I musta needed ta recoup from that fight more'n I thought, huh?
Oh geez! I gota freakin' hard-on... Here I am, in an abandoned building, all hot and bothered and I can't do a thing about it,... or can I?
//Oh honored Cupid, God of Love. Hear my prayers.//
\\Strife?\\
//Yep. It's me. Come'mere. I'm horny.//
\\You aren't supposed to be using your powers Dude...\\
//I ain't.//
\\Then how're ya talkin' ta me then?\\
//I'm prayin'. Mortals do it all the time. *They* don't got no God powers. So,... *I* can pray too.//
\\Oh. Okay... So, wha'cha prayin' for?\\
//Sex.//
\\Oh...\\
Holy shit! He's *so* freakin' beautiful. How did I ever end up with such a *hot* lover? I musta done *somethin'* good to deserve him,... but I'll be damned if I know what it was...
I think I'm gonna enjoy this...
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36 down and only 13 to go...
I feel like I'm tryin' ta crawl outta my skin. Gross, I know. But that's how I feel. The energy is buildin' up real bad and I just *gotta* release it soon, ya know? I think I'm gonna start hallucinatin' soon or somethin'...
I tried ta distract myself from thinkin' about it an all. I went to the strip mall and started causin' all sorts a trouble. Liftin' pockets, switchin' shoppin' bags, lettin' loose all the pets from the pet store. Ya know, the usual.
Didn't really help. Oh, it was fun, especially the dogs runnin' around trippin' people and shit, but I *still* need ta lose about a mega-ton worth of energy. I feel like a bomb with the timer on speed-dial... I'm gonna get Cupid for trickin' me inta this...
Hey! Maybe if I stole a car and went for a spin? Yeah, cool... Not no mommy-mobile either. I need somethin' with style... Oh yeah. This is the one... Chevy Camaro... Nice paint job too... Come on baby... come ta Pop-pa...
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42 down and only 7 to go...
I *need* ta lose some energy. *Somethin!* I'm gonna go nutz! I can feel the air around me crackle. Every time I touch some poor slob, I zap the livin' shit outta him with static electricity. While it's a real kick ta watch their expression change ta one of supreme shock, it *does* sorta sting like all hell...
(note: a 'junk zombie' is someone who is addicted to heroin and the Methadone clinic is a place where heroin addicts get treatment)
So now I'm like this freaky conductor of static electricity. Hell, if ya plugged me inta a power plant, I could prob'ly light up the whole damn city of Chicago. Maybe the whole state of Illinois.
The mortals are startin' ta actively avoid me... Must be the look on my face. I *know* I'm scowlin' and snarlin'. They prob'ly think I escaped from Maximum Security Lock-up or maybe the Mental Ward... that reminds me. I aughta go visit some ol' friends. Bring `em a little care package, ya know?
Damn! This sucks the big hairy one.
It's gettin' difficult not ta scratch at my skin. I'm all itchy and shaky. I know if I start scratchin' I won't stop till I'm a bleedin' mess.
I'm gonna get Cupid for this. It's all his fault I'm itchy, twitchy and feelin' bitchy. Yeah... Cupid's gonna pay. I'd withhold sex, but damn,... I suffered enough, ya know? That'd punish *me* as much as him...
I'll steal his freakin' bow! Yeah! That's it... I'll lift it while he ain't lookin' and go have myself some fun... Undoin' all the damage I cause with those Arrows O' Love & Mushy Things `ll learn `em a thing or two...
Well,... wha'da ya freakin' know? I'm magnetic!
As if life didn't suck enough right now... I can't believe I've turned inta a walkin' talkin' magnet. B'ware all refrigerators! Strife's in town.
Damn. I'm loosin' my mind... again. I think it's in my blood. After all, look at the rest a my family. Real freak show...
I need a distraction... somethin' ta keep my mind off a the urge ta zap the nearest buildin' inta a pile a rubble... Hey! I can always go ta the Methadone clinic and mess with the junk zombies...
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45 down an only 3 to go...
Damn! Now *I* feel like a junk zombie... one in need of a fix. Bad... I need ta release the energy of the God power *so* badly that I prob'ly *look* like a junk zombie too...
Fuckin' shakes are back worse'n ever. But I'm not gonna break...
//Ya hear me Cupid! I'm not gonna break!//
I need... I need... I need ta poof home and freak out on Cupid... but I won't. Only 3 more hours ta go and then this stupid bet is over... Only 3 more ta go...
Oh man. I still feel all itchy and I just wanta let out a *huge* blast of energy. I don't even care about the target anymore...
The shakes and tremors are gettin' worse... I need somethin' that'll numb my brain and calm my nervous system... Sorta like how a junk zombie gets after a fix of heroin. All spacey and mellow, ya know? Only problem with that is heroin don't effect us Gods like it does mortals. No buzz at all... Just a queasy stomach and shit.
Chocolate! Holy fuck me raw! Why didn't I think a that earlier! Shit! Damn...
See, chocolate is like a narcotic with a killer kick to us Olympians... Mellows us out and all. A total tranq... Wonder if it'd get rid of this itchy, jumpy thing I got goin' on here...
Chocolate... I gotta get me some... But where?... The Deli!
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47 down and only 1 to go...
Oh man... I need another chocolate fix... Mmmm Hershey...
I'm totaly out, ya know? I gotta get more, like soon. It's *such* a major rush... It tastes like a wet dream,... well actually, *Cupid* tastes like a wet dream, but this chocolate stuff is pretty damn close, ya know?
More... need more... But where?
Hey, hey! The gas station! *They* should have chocolate... Hope they got Kit-Kats... Love Kit-Kats...
"Give me a break. Give me a break. Break me off a piece of that freakin' Kit-Kat bar!"
Oh shit. People're lookin' at me. Guess I shouldn't be singin' commercial jingles at the top of my voice, huh?
Ahhh mannn... The freakin' twitches are back. I need me some chocolate. That'll make it better, ya know?
"Jackpot!"
Oh man, oh man, oh man. There is, like, *shelves* of the stuff... Oh sweet pain... I'm droolin' like a freak. There! Kit-Kat bars!
Mmmmmm... What a rush... Oooo, love the buzz... More!
Oh wow... Way cool, ya know? I can feel the shakes begin to fade. The overwhelmin' energy is still there, but it's, like, easier ta contain and all.
"Don't ever grab *anythin'* outta my hands again. I'll kill ya like the peon ya are!"
Sweet sweaty Cupid on my cock... is this shit *gooood*. Mmmm... I don't know what I like better, ya know? On the one hand, it tastes great. On the other hand, it's makin' me all sorts of stoned. And on the other hand, it's dullin' the urge ta zap somthin'... Hey, was that three hands?
Ya know what? I think I'm gonna start keepin' chocolate at home... hafta hide it from Cupid... Wonder if Godiva would deliver ta Olympus.
Oh man... I am *so* fucked up. Do ya hear that hummin' noise? No? Fuck... it must be me then...
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48 down and none to go...
\\Hey Baby!\\
Damn! That boy is *fine*!
\\Hey Strife. I gotta admit... I didn't think ya could do it.\\
//N' pro'lem babe. I'm cool...//
\\Strife? Wha's up with you? Oh shit! Dude! You're stoned!\\
\\What did you take?!\\
//Chocolate...//
\\Oh no...\\
//So... can I, like, let the energy go now? I mean, I wanta zap somethin' *real* bad babe... Pleeease?//
\\Yeah sure... Go for it man.\\
Oh man, oh man, oh man. *Soooo* much better. It's almost orgasmic, ya know? Relief is, like, totaly floodin' through me. Oh fuck, I think I'm gonna faint...
\\Babe? Strife lover?... Honey, you okay?\\
//Wha' happened?...//
\\You let loose with a blast of juice, rolled your eyes up inta your skull, and then dropped... You okay?\\
//Yeah... I,... I'm fine.//
//Wha'd I do anyway? I don't really r'member...//
\\Stirfe, my love. You just turned everythin' in a 10 mile radius the color blue.\\
//I did?//
\\Yeah Dude. I can hear the panic and horror rising around us.\\
//Well Babe, it's like I always say... Mischief ain't just a job....it's a way of life...//
The End