Title: Cupid's Little Helper

Author: Scribe

Fandom: Xena: Warrior Princess

Pairing: Cupid/Strife

Sequel/Series:

Archive: CKoS, WWOMB, others ask, provide credit, and post email address for feedback

Criticism: Yes.

Disclaimer: All things Xenian are not mine.

Summary: Strife gets a little idea of what family life is SUPPOSED to be like.

Warning: Implied rape and torture

Rating: NC-17

AUTHORS NOTE: Etruscan dancer reference courtesy of 'A Funny Thing Happened to Me On The Way To The Forum'.

Cupid's Little Helper: Makin Tha Mess

by Scribe

All right, I shouldna done it. But hey, I'm tha God of Mischief, right? Sure, mosta my work is settin things up for Unc, but I wouldn't be much of a god if I didn't pay attention ta tha little things, too, would I? If I didn't keep my hand in tha every-day stuff then tha mortals would start ta think they were safe except for the big disasters, an' the little ones can be so much fun!

So I had some free time between gettin a whole troop of Spartans sick on spoiled meat an' seein to it that tha ambassador from a minor kingdom got his Greek screwed up enough ta mortally insult a few important nobles, an' I decided ta do some detail work. Insteada just spreadin myself around, I picked one thing ta concentrate on. How the heck was I s'posed ta know I was messin in wunna my cousin's pet projects?

*sigh*

Okay, here's tha deal. There was this mortal couple, Anieli an' Damara, that was gettin hitched in a little village outside Corinth. Tha place was small enough that this was a big deal, an' tha whole village was gonna attend. I mean, they was plannin a big ass celebration, by their standards. It was perfect. I mean, how could anyone expect me ta pass up an opportunity like that?

I got there bright an' early an' dropped in on tha bride's house first. Aw, she looked so sweet, cuddled up ta her pillow. I didn't even hafta go pokin around in her mind ta know that she was dreamin about her sweetie. I sifted a good handful of ants inta her sheets before I started ta look around for what else I could do.

Her weddin dress was laid out nice an' neat ovah a chair near tha bed. Nice. A little less pink an' a lot more of it than 'Dite usually favahs, but nice. Ya could tell that a lotta work had gone inta it. First I thought about runnin her pet cat through a mud puddle an' gettin it ta take a nap on it. Then I thought about doin a little strategic weakenin of tha material an' havin wunna tha weddin party trip an' grab it, rippin it right offa her in fronta tha guests. Both good ideas, an' I stored 'em away for future use, but I decided on somthin a little more subtle. *giggle* But it was a real mind fuck. I did what I hadda do, then checked on Damara again.

She wasn't smilin in her sleep anymore. Nope, she was frownin worse than Hera when she's thinkin 'bout tha half-mortal kids Zeus has scattered all ovah creation. She wasn't quite awake yet, but she was gettin there. Whoo, she was scratchin like a bitch in flea season! Besides tha ant bites she was gonna have a nice crop of welts on her arms an' neck an' boobs an'... Well, ya get the picture.

There was a lot more I coulda done, but I decided ta start off slow. I mean, no point in havin tha roof fall in on her when she was too groggy ta appreciate it, huh? I headed for tha groom's place, makin sure that tha eggs her Ma had set aside for her breakfast were rotten. With any luck she'd get some on her hands when she broke tha first one. That smell is nearly impossible ta get rid of, an' it'd lend a nice atmosphere ta tha proceedins latah.

Anieli was still asleep, too, an' he had an expression on his face almost tha same as tha one Damara had before tha ants. Aw, mortals are just so fuckin' cute sometimes. I peeked inta his mind an' sure enough, he was dreamin about Damara. Kind of a cleaned up version of her, actually. Her hair wasn't quite that shiny, an' her nose turned up more, and her boobs definitely weren't that big. Musta been Damara through tha eyes of love. So I tinkered a little.

I turned that nose up till it woulda looked at home on wunna Circe's pets, then I set her eyes closer t'gethah an' showed 'im how she'd look without that henna rinse she uses in her hair. He'd started ta frown by then. I gave her a coupla gaps in her teeth (hey, tha mortals usually lose some of 'em eventually. It wasn't that much of a stretch), an' I gave her ankles like an elephant. Then I started hangin babies an' kids offa her, one atta time, increasin her weight by about ten, fifteen pounds with each one. By tha time I got her up ta six, ol' Anieli was sweatin. His expression was like he was watchin Ares comin at him in full pissed-off mode. *snicker*

For good measure I had Damara's cat come through tha window an' crap in his shoes, then curl up on his pillow, breathin in his face. There's nuthin worse than wakin up ta cat breath. Unless... I turned tha cat around, butt ta face, then went off ta see what else I could play with.

I was a busy lil booger. I gave tha maid-of-honor a nice, juicy pimple on tha end of her nose an' tha best man a killer case of loincloth itch. I hid tha license an' got tha mothah-of-tha-bride ta trip an' twist her ankle. I switched salt for sugah when tha baker made tha cake, an' took a good, long pee in tha pre-ceremony wine. I made sure that tha flowah girl told Damara about how Anieli tried ta neuter Fluffy. I thought that was gonna do it, but he kissed ass so quick an' so hard that she... Well, she didn't forgive him. He was gonna pay for that latah, but she didn't call it off, eithah. Hm. This was gonna take a little more.

I made sure I was there when tha bride put on her dress for tha final fitting. It was s'posed ta be just a token, but when Damara put it on they could barely get tha bodice laced up, an' tha fit around tha hips made a sausage skin look loose. Yeah, those alterations I made really turned tha trick. She busted out cryin, givin herself a nice runny nose an' red eyes, too. Her mothah managed ta get her calmed down enough ta keep her from postponin tha ceremony, though, dammit. She got tha dress ta fit again by rippin out seams an' bastin it back t'gethah. I figured that if I didn't manage it any othah way I could still pull out tha trip-an-rip trick, but I didn't hafta. Tha last little inspiration did tha trick.

Wunna Anieli's old flames was in town, an' I started whisperin in her ear about how hot he looked dressed up in his weddin finery, an' wouldn't it be nice ta have just one more roll before he tied tha knot? So, just before tha ceremony I helpfully pointed out an empty room an' whispered ta him that sure, it's all right ta go have a private chat with her. They wasn't on tha best of terms when they parted, an' here's his chance ta make peace.

Or 'make a piece'. *snicker*

Even once I got 'em alone it looked like it might not work. I swear, that guy was a hard sell. Tha broad was doin' a pretty fair Aphrodite impression an' he was still holden back while she was hanging all ovah him. I finally took a hand in it personally. Literally. A little crotch massage perked up his interest considerable. Sap nevah noticed that it was kinda hard for her ta give 'im a hand job while she had both arms around his neck. *snort* Mortals.

Well, there ain't too many males, god or mortal, that can ignore that kinda opportunity. I waited till he had her tunic around her waist an' a double handful before I went an' suggested ta Damara that all she really needed ta make things all right was a quick cuddle from her sweetie, an' he was right ovah there.

Oh, man! Ya shoulda heard it when she came in an' caught 'em. Sounded like a flock of harpies gettin their tail feathahs plucked. I nevah woulda thought a well-brought up girl like Damara even knew those sorta words. Then her an' the old girlfriend had a knock-down, drag-out cat fight in tha middle of main street, complete with ripped dresses, hair pullin, an' bitch slappin. When tha guests got 'em separated, Damara took aftah Anieli, who was still kinda dazed. She'da done ta him what he wanted ta do ta ol' Fluffy if they hadn't stopped her.

I hung around till they got 'em separated. By that time they was both swearin on both Olympus an' Tartarus that they nevah wanted ta set eyes on each othah again till Tantalus got let loose. I'll admit ta bein a little smug about how it had turned out. My job was done, an' I headed home. It was nectar time. If I'da know what was commin' I probably woulda put down a keg of it.

I got back ta my place on Olympus. Pretty damn humble as things went among tha gods, but I like it. Sorta. Eh, it's home, ya know? Where ya go ta lick yer wounds, usually, so it was a nice change ta be celebratin a success. I blinked outta my leathahs an' whipped up a nice, deep tub of steamy hot watah, with bubbles. Yeah, whatcha laughin' at? *silence* I thought so. *sigh* Ya know, there's a lot ta be said for hydrotherapy.

So there I was, kicked back with tha suds lappin up around my waist, about three sheets ta tha wind an' feelin pretty pleased with myself. Lemme tell ya somethin, when ya live on Olympus, at least when yer a minor godling, there ain't any such animal as privacy.

FLASH

"Strife!"

Oh, shit. I didn't recognize tha voice right away, but ya couldn't miss tha 'pissed off' factor. I knew it wasn't Unc--his bellow I'd recognize anywhere. He can yell on tha othah side of the world an' jerk me out of wunna Hypnos's best efforts.

As footsteps approached down tha corridor, I considered runnin. Well, transportin. But I decided ta stick it out. I wasn't in any shape ta be very effective at hidin an' sometimes runnin gets ya in a lot more trouble. Like I said, I didn't know who ta expect, but who came through tha door was most certainly low on my list of possibilities.

Cupid.

Yeah, but not that gentle, beneficent, all that othah sweetness-an'-light bull crap tha mortals expect. Anyone evah tell ya that there's a fine line between love an' hate? Check Cupe out when he's in wunna his moods an' you'll believe it. His face was about as dark as it's possible for a blonde's ta get.

I hadn't seen him for a while. Let's face it--in tha natural scheme of things ya wouldn't expect Love an' Mischief ta mix very well, wouldya? I mean, I always liked 'im. Yeah, I know, I put up a pretty good front, but Tartarus, what was I s'posed ta do? Unc loved him, but they didn't exactly get along, bei' opposites an' all, an' I knew where my loyalties should lie.

Anyways, I had forgotten just how fuckin big he was. He stopped just inside tha room, an'... I dunno, maybe tha drink was playin havoc with my perceptions, but he seemed ta damn near fill tha doorway. Acres an' acres of blonde, pissed, sexy god. He can't help it, he'd be hot if ya wrapped 'im in burlap an' rolled 'im in a mud puddle. Oo, mud wrestling...

*long pause*

Huh? Sorry. Got distracted there for a minute.

So I try ta play it cool, right? I lean back in tha tub an' give him my best smart ass smile. "Hiya, Cupe."

"Don't you 'Cupe' me, you meddling miscreant!

" I fluttered my eyelashes at him. "Oo, I love it when ya talk dirty."

Jokin an' teasin usually got me outta whatevah little trouble I was in with him, but he wasn't buyin it this time. He stomped up ta tha tub an' sorta loomed ovah me, glarin down. Damn, he was mad. Those hazel eyes were shootin green sparks. "Can it, Strife! I want to know what the Tartarus you thought you were doing."

I knew what he was talkin about, of course. I knew from the second I'd seen who it was, but tha first rule of Mischief is 'Deny everything'. At least till they catch ya in tha lie. I indicated tha bubbles. "Takin a bath, cuz. I'd invite ya in, but I only made it big enough for one this time around."

Okay, innocent ain't my best pose. I usually can't get away with it except with mortals undah tha age of reason. I sure didn't get away with it then. He leaned ovah me, so angry that his wings were vibratin hard enough ta shake feathahs loose. "Damara and Anieli!"

Now, I don't as a rule like havin someone's breath in my face. It's normally enough ta earn 'em a month's wortha bruised toes, cut fingahs, an' dog bites. But Cupid... Man, it smelled good. Kinda like honeysuckle, and this was while he was pissed. I was kinda dazed by the wine an' that scent, othahwise I'da been able ta deny knowledge a little longer. Instead I just said, "Yah. What about 'em?"

He threw up his hands, turnin away ta stomp off. I kinda hoped he'd just flash right on outta there, but deep down I knew he wasn't gonna let it go. He couldn't, really. I s'pose ya noticed by now how hung up tha entire Pantheon is on tha whole power thing. Obviously I'd stepped on his toes, an' he couldn't just let it go or he'd lose face with tha other gods an' goddesses.

At last he came back an' glared down at me again. He was tryin ta keep his voice calm. "Do you realize how long it took me to get those two together?"

"Hey, Sport, ain't my fault that ya was tryin' ta be subtle insteada just usin yer arrows. What's tha big problem? Go shaft 'em both an' get 'em back tagethah."

His eyes narrowed. "You don't understand, Strife. This was an important union. I'm not the only one involved in this." That gave me a little chill, even though tha water was still nice an' hot. Cupid bein chafed on his own account was perfectly understandable, an' I could probably handle it. Maybe. I dunno. He was a lot angrier than I'd evah seen him.

I guess what I did next was stupid. All right, I don't claim smart. Clevah an' cunning, yeah. Devious an' manipulative, sure. But smart? I shrugged. "Sorry."

He scowled. "You call that an apology?"

"Boo-hoo?"

I saw it comin, but I didn't move fast enough. He grabbed a handful of my hair an' pushed me underwatah. A god can't really drown, of course, but those damn bubbles can sting when they get in yer eyes, an' it gets kinda uncomfortable after awhile. I thrashed an' jerked, but I really couldn't get enough leverage ta get loose. Finally I just went limp. He held me undah anothah coupla minutes, then hauled me back up, by the hair again. "You have to do better than that, Strife."

He continued ta pull, and dragged me ta my feet. I'm tellin ya, that smarted. An' it was kinda scary. I was used ta Cupid bein an easy goin sort. This was almost as scary as it woulda been if Mom had gotten lovey-dovey or Ares had started cuddlin baby bunnies.

So there I was, starkers, drippin wet an' shiverin, more or less danglin from tha God of Love's fist by my hair. I was ready for him ta punch me inta the middle of next week. I coulda handled it. Shit, I handled worse than that onna regular basis from Unc. I was used ta it.

I think he was gonna do it. His othah hand was balled up inna fist, an' he was drawin back, so I just closed my eyes an' waited. An' waited. An' waited. Finally I cracked one eye open an' peeked at him.

He was lookin at me. Alla me, if ya know what I mean. I suddenly became aware of exactly how pale an' skinny I was. He flexed his fingers a coupla times while he studied me, like he was still tryin ta decide what he was gonna do. Well, I liketa get tha bad stuff outta tha way, so I said, "Look, go ahead an' whale on me an' get it ovah with, 'kay? If it'll make ya feel any bettah, I promise not ta heal myself till tomorrah." That always helps calm Mom an' Unc down. Usually if I take some time healin myself, the beatin's are farthah between.

Somethin changed--I dunno what exactly. Somethin shifted in his eyes, and alluva sudden they was more blue than green. His hold on my hair relaxed enough for me ta come down offa my toes, for which I was grateful. Then his grip loosened even more. His hand moved in my hair, combin through it like Unc does when he's distracted. 'Cept with Ares I always know that his mind's a million miles away when he does that, an' he only pets me 'cause cats don't come when he calls, an' he doesn't wanna spoil his war dogs. With Cupe it was different.

I could tell that he was thinkin about me when he did it. I couldn't tell what he was t thinkin, though, cause I was too damn scared ta try an' cruise his thoughts. His hand slid back through my hair, spikin it up even more than usual. Then it slid down my neck ta my shouldah.

Damn.

I knew he was hot, but I nevah thought he was really, well, hot. I felt scorched. I froze an' just looked up at him, surprised that he wasn't takin my head off. He stared back at me, frownin. But then... Maybe I was seein' things, but I thought I saw tha corners of that wet dream mouth turn up, just a little.

He gave me a little shove. "Get dressed."

Hey, no soonah thought than done--though I guess I shoulda gotten outta tha tub before I thought myself inta my leathahs. I'm pretty sure he was tryin not ta smile while I climbed out, swearin an' drippin from tha knees down. I hate havin watah in my boots. "Now what?"

"Now we go and explain to the other interested parties what happened and figure out how to make it right."

"Fine. Where to?"

"Oh, yeah, like I'll trust you to go there on your own."

He pulled me inta his arms, an' I found myself pressed full length against a very warm, very solid body. "Hey! Ya don't gotta do this! Ya could just hold my hand."

I looked up at him indignantly. I don't like bein treated like a kid. I know I'm still young, but I work hard ta be taken seriously, dammit. He just stared back down at me, lifted his eyebrows, an' said, "I know," then flashed us outta there.

Gettin Called On Tha Carpet

FLASH

Look, don't evah tell anyone this (cause ya know what I can do if ya cross me), but I've nevah been really comfortable with transportin. I mean, it's convenient an' all that, but it's pretty fuckin disorientin as far as I'm concerned. I've nevah liked it, cept for tha cool reactions ya can get from tha mortals when ya pop in.

Anyways, every time I do it I get just tha eentsiest bit whoopsy. It's pretty easy ta covah up when yer as naturally pale as I am an' have tha rep for bein loopy all tha time anyway, but it's always there. So maybe ya can understand why I kinda hung onta Cupe when we flashed in. I can't tell ya how much of a relief it was ta have someone sturdy ta lean on.

Tha relief lasted just long enough for me ta realize what I was doin an' pull away. Or try ta pull away. Cupe wasn't lettin go. "Ya can turn me loose," I muttered. "I ain't gonna run." He held on ta me. I pulled again. "I said I ain't gonna run."

"You haven't noticed where we are yet, have you?"

I looked around. "Oh, fuck!" I whispered. Zeus's throne room. It was empty at tha time, but just bein there meant that I was in some deep shit. I seriously reconsidered that statement about not runnin. Maybe I could go visit Hades for a few decades till whatevah this was cooled down. I tugged frantically. "Lemme go, Cupe!"

He gripped my arms an' shook me. "Stop it! You're going to have to face up to this, Strife, and there's no point in panicking till you've had the really bad news."

My mind was racin with all tha hideous possibilities that could be worse than just Zeus on my ass. "Well, it ain't Unca Ares or he'd be wearin my livah right now, an' if it was Mom she'd be usin my balls for earrings, so what could possibly be worse than...?"

A horrible thought struck me. My mouth dropped open, an' I gave Cupid a stricken look. "Aw, no! Not both of 'em?" He nodded grimly, but I think I saw a little sympathy in his eyes. Now I clutched at him, pleadin. "Say it ain't so, Cupe!"

"I can't."

"Then fuckin lie ta me!" I screamed, startin ta fight.

All right, he's bigger'n me, but I was trained by Ares, an' I was scared shitless. I got loose. I pulled out a few feathahs in tha process, but I was too worried about othah things at tha moment ta care. Once I got outta his arms all I could think of was gettin far enough away ta keep him from grabbin me again when I tried ta think my way outta there, so I headed for tha door.

I was goin too fast ta stop when it disappeared, so I ran inta tha wall, full tilt. Mebbe I couldn't see tha old man, but he was there. He's tha only one who can make those structural changes on his own place.

I mighta been groggy if I hadn't been so spooked, but I just bounced off an' headed for a window. Cupid tried ta snag me as I passed, but I can be a slippery bastard when I wanna. I was headin for a windah when tha fireball caught me in tha back an' knocked me ass ovah ears. I could tell who'd thrown it from tha way it felt. Yeah, each of tha gods has a different feel ta their power bolts. Most folks nevah feel 'em often enough ta be able ta tell tha difference, but with my history, I could be blindfolded an' creamed by every deity on tha hill an' I could tell ya who'd blasted me every time.

I was on tha floor tryin ta shake my vision back inta focus, an' I heard Cupid sayin, "That wasn't necessary!"

Huh? Since when did anyone try an' save me from an ass kickin?

I didn't have any time ta consider this, cause a cold voice was answerin him. "What's necessity got to do with it? He deserves it, if not for this fiasco, then on general principles."

*sigh* Ya know, I hear that some mortal gran'mothahs bake cookies an' shit. Whatta concept.

Then I felt strong hands liftin me up, settin me on my feet. Cupid was pushin hair up outta my eyes, peerin inta them, frownin. "Are you all right? Do you need to see Aschlepus?"

Hera an' Zeus both flashed inta tha throne room, an' Hera snorted. "Oh, please! Don't coddle him, Cupid. You've always been far too soft-hearted where he's concerned."

He was? I looked at him in surprise. He repeated, "Do you need to see Aschlepius?"

"Uh... no. I'm awright." I hesitated. "Thanks." He nodded an' held on anothah minute, I guess ta be sure I wasn't gonna drop when he let go.

Zeus was starin at me, arms folded, tappin his fingahs on his elbows. Maybe ya heard tha old story bout some girl who gets blessed so's flowers or jewels drop from her lips with every word she speaks? Ya mighta b'lieved Zeus had tha same type of spell on him, cept he spat out ice chips--that's how cold his voice was. "Strife, do you remember Prometheus?"

I shivered. "Yah."

"I'm considering letting the eagle eat your liver AND your eyes each day."

"Whaddid I do?"

Hera was winding up with another fireball. Cupid snapped, "Grandma!"

Ooo. Not tha best idea. Even a goddess who can go a few centuries between wrinkles don't like ta be reminded she's a grandma. But he deflected her a little. Instead of pastin me in tha face or tha breadbasket, she pitched tha fireball at my feet.

Not much damage, but it still hurt like Tartarus, an' I jumped a few feet straight up. When I came down I landed in Cupid's arms, like some dopey village maiden bein carried across a puddle by a local swain. For a second I was tempted ta just stay there. I figured they wouldn't be so quick ta toss stuff if he might get hit, too. But..., well...

It was kinda nice, bein held by someone who wasn't fixated on whoopin my butt at tha moment. I felt like buryin my face against that tanned neck, but I just ducked my head undah his chin.

Hera had whipped up anothah fireball. She was itchin ta throw tha thing, yah could tell, but Zeus said, "Put it away. If you kill him we'll have all the hassle of getting him back. He's not going to get to spend any time lolling around in the underworld. He's going to help fix this mess he's made." She frowned, but tha ball of energy faded out of existence. "Cupid, put him down. Neither one of us is going to annihilate him. Not right now, anyway."

Cupid set me back on my feet. I figured a little butt kissin couldn't hurt anythin, so I dropped ta my knees right away. There was a hairline fracture in Zeus's wall of anger. Tha old goat sure does love grovelin, an' I can toady with tha best of 'em. Hera wasn't havin any of it, though. "Oh, get up!"

I stood up an' said meekly (yeah, I can manage meek when I hafta. Makes me wanna go out an' start a riot aftahwards, but I can do it), "I don't understand what tha fuss is all about. I just messed up one little wedding. It's my job."

"Anieli is one of my grandsons," Zeus said.

I looked at him. "Okay, yeh, I can see that. Damn, ya really get around, dontcha? But why's tha old la..." I caught myself in time, or else they'd have been pickin pieces of me up in Thrace. "I don't undahstand why such an important goddess like yerself would be interested. I mean, let's face it--ya usually ain't too supportive of his pet projects, are ya?"

She stalked toward me, an' I braced myself for slaps or kicks. Instead she just put her face up in mine an' growled, "Damara is one of my priestesses."

"Uh." I flinched back. Goddess or not, her breath didn't smell nearly as good as Cupid's. "But ya mean ya want wunna yer girls ta marry wunna his gits?" I was thinkin about how Hera treated Hercules. I mean, tha bitch was responsible for his family dyin, so it hardly seemed likely she'd favah wunna her followers marryin another of Zeus's part-mortal offsprings.

"Yes, well, the blood has thinned out a little. Anieli isn't so bad. I am the Goddess of Marriage, you know. It would hardly be good public relations to discourage one of my followers from marrying. Anyway, Damara loves him." Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "She did love him."

Cupid put a hand on her arm. "She still does. The love is battered and bloody, but it's still there. We just have to nurse it back."

"What about Anieli?" Zeus was pacing. "All I've been getting from him since the incident is jumbled thoughts, very bitter."

Cupid shrugged. "That's because he's been drunk. Bacchus would be proud. He's on a monumental binge right now. His pride is hurt, but I'm certain that he loves Damara. Still, he's very conscious of his masculine image. Damara attacked him in public, and he feels humiliated." Zeus nodded. He could undahstand doin somethin stupid because of hurt pride. "There's no point in going back over what happened. It's done, and it can't be called back. It has to be corrected."

"I still don't undahstand what tha big stink is all about," I whined. (Hey, I'm a champion whinah. I can break glass when I really get goin.) "All Cupe hasta do is stick 'em both. Problem solved."

Hera scowled. "It won't work."

"Why not?"

Cupid sighed. "Because, against my better judgement," he glared at his parents. Zeus got busy lookin at tha ceilin but Hera met his stare levelly. "a certain god and goddess do not want to be accused of meddling in their lives. They got me to nudge them together without the arrows."

"Ya mean they didn't consider that meddlin?" Okay, mistake. I dodged tha thunderbolt an' fireball, but Zeus was gonna hafta do some redecoratin later on. "Ya know, yer right. Ya were just bein concerned about their welfare."

"Strife..." An' that was a judgement pronouncin voice if evah I heard one. I kinda gathahed myself in. "Since this fiasco is your fault, you must help redeem it. You will devote yourself to this task until it is resolved."

Okay, there was an out. "Well, gee, I'd liketa, but I don't think Unc would be too happy havin me tied up like that. Ya know how it is, dissention ta spread, hostility ta forment. Busy, busy, busy."

"I've already talked to him. He wasn't best pleased with your efforts in the last clash with Rome. He was quite agreeable."

I wilted. Well, fuck. If War ain't gonna take up for Mischief, who is? I nevah really felt like I had a big support group anyways, an' right then I felt pretty damn alone. So I was kinda surprised ta feel Cupid's hand on my shoulder. "It's all right."

"Whatta ya mean, all right? They expect me ta get those two back tagethah. What kind of experience d'ya think I have in that? I'm the expert at bustin things up, remember? If I hafta work on this till it's solved, both tha mortals will have long grey beards, and ya know how long that takes ta happen ta a woman."

"You won't be doing it alone."

I snorted. "What, they gonna send Dischord ta help me? That'd fit if they was already married, but it ain't gonna do much ta bring 'em tagethah."

"No. Strife, this hasn't been explained very well." Another pointed look at Hera and Zeus. This time Gran'pa got interested in tha patterns on tha tiles, and Gran'ma just looked bored.

He turned back ta me. "We'll be working together."

I gaped. "Wha?"

The eyebrows went up in that I-really-don't-believe-you're-either-stupid-or-deaf-so-you-must-be-playing-ignorant expression. I think he learned that when Bliss was born. It must be standard issue for all parents. "I'm not allowed to use the arrows, but you must be aware that those aren't my only methods. A lot of time and effort goes into making those, Strife, and I try not to be too lavish with their use. Besides, a love that grows naturally is much more... spiritual."

Well, I thought that deserved a good laugh, but I already had more'n one ridiculous concept ta deal with. I could feel tha grin stretchin my mouth. "Love an' Mischief, workin tagethah?"

Look, don't give me any shit about laughin at that, all right? It woulda got a giggle outta Cerebus, an' if it was enough ta make a three-headed dog laugh, what chance did I have? I howled. I mean, I did the whole holdin my sides, tears on my face, lemme-sit-down bit.

Cupid just tapped his foot, waitin for me ta calm down. When I subsided inta snorts an' giggles he said calmly. "You through yet?"

His tone sent me inta anothah fit, but it didn't last long, even if it did include rollin on tha floor. Finally I sat back up, wipin my face. "Yah, I'm through now."

"Good. Then we ought to have dinner and get to bed. I want to get started bright and early tomorrow."

"Kay." I hugged my knees. "Where ya wanna meet? Back at tha village? My place? Your place?"

He reached down an' snagged a handful of leathah at my chest, then hauled me up. Damn, he seemed ta be makin a habit of pickin me up. "I see it still hasn't been fully explained. Until this is over, you're under my command. That means you stay with me."

That sobered me up. Me? In tha home of wunna tha Gods of Light? "Hey, waitta minute, Blondie..."

Tha fist turned, takin anothah twist of leathah an' pullin me in closah. He leaned down an' his face was only a coupla inches from mine.

Damn, he was beautiful. I couldn't stop lookin, even though I felt like I oughta close my eyes, cause havin that much prettiness that close was bound ta be bad for someone like me.

His voice was soft. "Strife, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Let me remind you that Mom and Dad are not the only one's who can kick your ass. I wouldn't enjoy it like they would, but I am capable. Haven't you ever heard what a bitch love can be?"

I swallowed, an' gave him a sickly grin. "Whoa, ya can cut the bitchiness dial way back, cuz. Here I am, ready an' willin ta do whatevah ya say."

I thought that might get me turned loose. Instead he twisted tha leathah a little tightah, pullin me in a little closah. "I wonder. Did you stop for a minute to consider all the different interpretations that could be put on that offer?"

I noticed Zeus an' Hera givin each othah funny looks when he zapped us both outta there.

I Think He's Interested

Flash

Damn! Lemme tell ya, gold sparklies or no gold sparklies, I still didn't like transportin. An' doin it so soon aftah gettin smacked inta the wall didn't help any. Add all tha stress I was feelin and I came damn close ta tossin my cookies when we showed up in Cupid's place. I pushed at him, sayin, "Lemme go unless ya wanna be decorated!" He took a look at my face an' obliged.

I staggered back till my legs hit somethin, an' I sat down. Luckily I landed on somethin soft, an' not too far down. I put my head between my knees real quick, an' just sat there, lettin my tummy settle an' my head quit spinnin. When they did, I didn't really wanna sit back up. I was kind of ashamed, lettin Cupe see me like that. Finally I figured that tha only excuse I coulda had for stayin that way any longah would be ta blow myself (not possible, no matter what anyone thinks, an' I'm wunna tha most flexible guys in creation, an' no, I ain't tellin ya how I know that), so I sat back up.

Cupid was standin in fronta me, just watchin me. Without sayin a word, he materialized a cup of wine an' handed it to me. I drank it off, grateful, an' it helped settle my stomach even more. While I was finishin it he sat down next ta me. A folded cloth appeared in his hand, an' he pressed it ovah my forehead. It was cool an' damp, an' it felt terrific. I sighed and kinda slumped.

We just sat there for a coupla minutes, then Cupid said, "You have a bruise on your cheek from where you ran into the wall. Go ahead and heal it."

"Oh." I was so used ta bein knocked around that I'd hardly noticed it. "Thanks." I got rid of it with a thought.

I was finally feelin good enough ta look around. I hadn't been in Cupid's place for several years, not since he'd married Psychobitch. Excuse me, Psyche. After tha divorce I kept puttin off visitin, tellin myself that he'd be busy takin care of Bliss an' shootin people in tha ass in tha name of Love. "Ya redecorated."

Psyche's taste had been... Mm, I dunno how ta put it. Sappy-ass rustic? Lotsa geese an' cows on everythin from curtains ta incense bowls. Tha place was lookin a lot bettah. Light colahed walls an' ceiling, an' all tha furniture, drapes, rugs an' whatnots in different shades of blue. It was soothin without bein suffocatin, like his Mom's decoratin schemes can be. "Looks nice, Cupe."

I nevah knew exactly what ta do with my own space. Unc's basic black an' silver was nice, but a touch grim aftah awhile. I tended toward sort of a dark grey theme

He shrugged. "Have to have the proper atmosphere. Are you all right now?"

"Ya keep askin me that. Look, I ain't upchucked on ya, so I'm doin okay." I blinked. "Maybe a little blinded by tha light, but okay."

"Sorry." He waved his hand, an' tha bright light that had filled tha room was replaced by tha mellow, golden flickerin of many candles. They filled every flat surface: white, silver, an' blue. They musta been scented, cause a subtle, spicy smell filled tha air.

*If this was 'Dite's place, I'd be chokin on tha scent of roses right now. But this is... nice. I took a deep, apreciative breath. *Fuck nice. It's sexy. But then, duh. He's tha God of Love, right? He probably can't do anythin that ISN'T sexy.*

"Is this better?"

"Huh?" Whoa, I thought. I'd bettah watch it. I was almost spacin out there for a minute. "I mean, yeah."

"How hungry are you?"

"Not very. They didn't have any use for tha weddin feast, so I grabbed what I wanted before I left."

"Will fruit do?"

'Sure."

"Fine." A large bowl of all kinds of perfect fruit materialized onna table before us. "Get comfortable."

That's when I noticed that we were sittin on his bed. I looked around. It was tha only piece of furniture in the room. I thought myself up a nice couch, but before I could get up an' go to it, Cupe frowned, an' it vanished again. "Hey."

"You're not going to be cluttering up my place while you're here, Strife. I have it as I like it."

I blew out a breath, makin a kinda rude buzz. "Fine. Suit yerself. No skin offa my nose if ya wanna get sticky stuff all ovah yer sheets."

He was starin at me again, an' he said, "There's another statement that's open to interpretation."

*Whoa. He did not just make a come-on ta me. Did he? Nah. That would be ridiculous, unbelievable, unthinkable... too damn much ta hope for.*

I didn't answer that remark cause for once my smart-ass gene failed me. Mischief speechless is not a common thing, people, an' tha fact that I couldn't think of anythin ta say just got me more confused.

I made a big deal outta choosin exactly tha right piece of fruit, settlin onna apple that was flawless. I wanted ta polish it a little, but leathah ain't good for that, so I hadda rub it on tha sheets.

He was watchin me again. "What? Ya had yer eye on this one?"

"No, that's not what I have my eye on."

"Uh. Good." I took a big, crunchy bite outta it. It was good: tart an' sweet at the same time, an' juicy? Boy. It ran down my chin. One thing ya gotta say for Cupe, he sets a good table.

*sigh* Does it bothah you when someone watches ya eat? It didn't exactly bothah me. More like... disturbed. Made me feel antsy. Well, I'm antsy mosta tha time, but more than usual, ya know?

I hadda keep up tha nonchalant, don't-give-a-damn image, so I lounged back on my elbow while I munched. I could feel my heart speedin up when he lounged down nexta me an' kept watchin. It started doin double time when he reached out an touched me on tha chest.

"You're making a mess. Dripping all over your clothes." Alluva sudden tha top part of my outfit was gone. Cupid's eyes narrowed. "Hm. I didn't notice the nipple rings when I hauled you out of the bath. Must've been the bubbles. When did you have those done?"

"I dunno. Awhile ago."

"Did it hurt?"

I grinned. "Yah."

"How about now?"

"Nah. Not unless somebody gets too rough with 'em. Othahwise they're kinda..." He reached out and tugged one gently, an' I almost choked. "...nice. Geez, Cupe, whatta you doin?"

"Just checking. That didn't hurt?"

"Nah. It's just kinda..." He tugged the othah one, an' I lost my breath for a minute. "intense."

"So I see. It makes it easy to get them hard, doesn't it?" He touched one nipple lightly, an' I quickly took another bite of apple cause othahwise I would've moaned.

More juice down tha chin. I licked my lips, tryin ta catch some of it before it could spill down, but I didn't have too much success. He was still starin, an' those eyes weren't just blue now, they were dark blue. Oh, shit, what was goin on here?

Desperate for conversation, I held out tha apple. "Want some?"

"Yes." I was relieved when he took tha apple. But then he tossed it ovah his shoulder an' leaned ovah me. I sorta fell back an' there he was, braced ovah my upper body, just kinda fillin up my vision. Tha view was nice, but I expect my eyes musta been about tha size of gongs by then.

"Cupe?"

"You're going to be all sticky if we don't get that apple juice off you. There's a drop, right there." He bent down an' licked my chest.

My voice was shaky, but I was tryin ta stay cool. "I can just zap myself clean, Cupe."

"No need." He found another drop a few inches from tha first one. "There isn't all that much to take care of."

"Yah don't hafta bother."

"Believe me, it's no bother."

His tongue passed ovah my right nipple, an' I couldn't help it: I arched up like Damara's cat, Fluffy, wantin ta be petted. I think I kinda made a sound like he did, too. Ya know: purrrr.

But, bein myself, I couldn't let that just go, so I said, "Ya mean ta tell me I dripped all tha way down there?" Oo. I nevah knew it could feel so good ta have someone laugh while they had yer nipple in their mouth.

I heard a rustlin sound. Cupe's wings were vibratin gently. I've found out since then that sometimes they do that when he's excited for one reason or anothah. He lifted his head an' started lickin my chin. Weird, but sexy as Tartarus. Alluv a sudden my pants felt too damn tight. An' I thought leathah wasn't s'posed ta shrink.

This was movin way fast, an' it was way nice. I mean, I had tha God of Love about ta put his tongue in my mouth. Every woman on earth an' a heckuva lotta tha guys dream about that.

Then somethin happened that... Yeah, I woulda been proud ta claim it, but I didn't have anthin ta do with it.

I hear a squeal. "Daddy!" Cupe's head jerked up at tha same moment we heard tha pitty-patter of little feet, then he landed on toppa me because a squirmin bundle of Bliss had just landed on him.

He looked down at me, sighed, and rolled offa me, twistin an' grabbin his son. "Hey, kiddo, what are you doing here? Where's Demeter?"

"Her sleepin." A cherubic face peeked at me ovah Cupe's shouldah. "Hiya Stwife."

"Hey Bliss. You been bein a good boy?"

"No."

"My man!" We slapped palms.

"Whatcha doin here in Daddy's bed, Stwife?"

"Uh..."

"Strife is having a sleepover, Bliss. He's going to stay here with us for a while. How would you like that?"

"Cool!"

Cupid blinked at his son, then looked at me questioningly. I shrugged. "We get along good when he comes ta visit Ares."

'Granpa!" Bliss crowed. I smirked. Unc was proud of tha kid, but I loved tha wince when anyone 'cept Bliss called him that. "Go see Granpa?"

"Soon, but you should be in bed. All good little godlings should be asleep." He stood up, picked up Bliss, and carried him toward the door. "You've got to stop sneaking out when Demeter is watching you, Bliss. I guess I'm going to have to take away the door to keep you in the room." His voice was fadin as he went inta tha hall. "Olympus knows what I'm going to do when you learn how to transport."

Okay, I hadda minute or two ta think. Once I got enough oxygen ta operate my brain again, that is. What, precisely, tha fuck was goin on?

Oh, well, aside from a seduction. I got that. Duh. I'm not that stupid. But tha sheer... I dunno... inappropriateness of it was tossin me for a loop. Tha God of Love, an' Mischief? Light, an' Dark. Day, an' night. Demeter, an' tha Whore of Babylon. Ya get my drift. I couldn't see it. Not that I didnt wanna see it, but it's in everyone's best interests if yer at least a little realistice now an again.

On one hand ya got Cupid: yer classic Greek god, tha one that pro'lly got tha mortals usin that expression. Blonde, buff, golden, gorgeous. Then ya got me.

Okay, I'm kinda cool, in my own way. I gotta flair, I got fashion sense, I got good hair. But I'm as thin as skim milk an' just about tha same color. I usually manage ta avoid tha blue undertones, if I get a little sun.

Lovers: Cupid's had... Sheesh. It would pro'bly be easier ta say who he hasn't had.

Me?

*cough* No, I wasn't a virgin! At least not accordin ta some interpretations. I didn't hafta worry about attractin unicorns. Good thing, too. Tha critters shit mountains, an their breath may be like honeysuckle, but their shit stinks like anyone's.

So I did tha math, an' it didn't take Pythagoras ta see that what I was comin up with didn't make any sense. Even if we did get along real good when we were younger, I couldn't remembah anythin that woulda indicated ta me that he was warm for my form.

I was led ta tha inevitable conclusion that he was feelin sorry for me, what with my bein stuck between Zeus an' Hera, othawise know as Tha Rock an' Tha Hardass.

Up until then all I'd had was summa my mortal followers, men an' women who'd gotten desperate enough or were fucked in tha head enough ta worship wunna tha main purveyors of Chaos. That, an'...

Huh. Well, didn't it just figure? Someone like him, an' it had ta be a mercy fuck. Well, it had ta be. Tha only othah explination was too outlandish.

Now, ordinarily a mercy fuck would be fine with me. Sex is sex, right? Yer talkin ta tha guy who once pretended ta drown ta get a water nymph ta save his butt. Here's a tip: dependin on their mood, they'll eithah drown yer ass or screw yer brains out aftah savin ya. Ya take yer chances.

But somehow tha thought of Cupid touchin me with pity made me burn, but not in a good way. Then it made me feel cold.

Ya know, I really must be crazy, like Xena an' Herc an' tha two blondes are always sayin. I had ta be, 'cause I was about ta turn down a chance ta screw tha God of Love. But I didn't wanna hurt his feelins, so...

Waitaminute. Did those words just come outta my mouth? Damn. Somethin odd was really goin on.

I heard his footsteps comin back down tha hall, an took desperate measures. I thought away my pants an' boots an' dived undah tha covahs, layin on my side. Mmmm... silk. Then I slapped my head down on tha pillow, closed my eyes, an' did my best imitation of sleep. I'm good, too. Hey, deception is wunna my stocks in trade.

I heard him come inta tha room. "I found a grey feather the other day. I didn't have them before..." His voice trailed off, an' he came closaj. He said softly, "Strife?"

I felt him kneel on tha bed behind me. I managed not ta jump when I felt his hand on my back. His voice was a whisper. "Strife?"

I kept my breathin slow an' steady. It wasn't easy when his hand slipped down an' palmed tha curve of my ass, but I did it. We just stayed that way for a minute. Just about tha time I was ready ta push myself back at him he sighed and moved his hand. "All right."

Tha sheet was lifted an' he slid in behind me. Then I felt his arm go ovah my waist, and he moved up behind me. All of a sudden he was against my back. Well, against alla me. I could feel his breath on tha back of my neck, an' his toes brushing tha back of my ankles, an' a whole lotta Cupid inbetween, includin somethin very interestin nestled against tha crack of my ass.

"If this is how it has to be." I felt his teeth scrape lightly ovah tha nape of my neck, then a kiss. "Goodnight, cousin."

I guess it's a good thing we went ta bed early, cause I took a long, long time ta fall asleep.

Eye Openah

I was on toppa him when I woke up. Don't ask me how I got there, since he ain't exactly small, an' I couldn'ta just rolled ovah on him. I guess it's just wunna tha mysteries of tha universe. Or mebbe his arms around my waist had somethin ta do with it.

It was only barely mornin. Apollo hadn't had time ta even get his nags warmed up good. Ya know, rosy fingahs of dawn an' all that poetic crap. An' here I am, draped ovah him. We're talkin fuckin intimate here, people. My head was on his pillow, my nose right up against his cheek, an' we was more or less flat tagethah from breast bone ta... Well, my knees were on tha outside of his.

I was tryin ta figure out how I was gonna get offa him without wakin him up when tha question was rendered moot. His eyes had found anothah color. They're grey in tha mornin.

He just kinda stared up at me, an' I felt like I'd bettah say somethin, so I said, "Ain't that kinda uncomfortable on yer wings?"

"They're pretty flexible. They fold up flat. And I'm very comfortable right now."

"Yeah, well, ya'd be more comfortable if ya weren't bein squooshed, I s'pose." I started ta roll offa him, but his arms tightened, cinchin me against him. I blinked. "Oh. Um. Yer awake."

He nodded, and pushed his hips up at me. "So are you."

Ooo. Oh, man, that felt good. I guess most men, god or mortal, wake up with a hardon. Usually it means ya need ta pee. Sometimes, if yer lucky, it's for othah reasons. This time it was tha othah reason. I really needed ta go somewhere private an' take care of that. "Uh, Cupe, I need ta go ta tha little god's room."

"In a minute." He moved again, slidin against me, an' I moaned. I could feel Cupid's erection rubbin against my own, an' it was like a rock wrapped in hot velvet.

I think I told ya, I wasn't exactly a virgin, but it'd all been mortals so far. An' it had only been... so far, ya know? Okay, ta lay it on tha line, I'd always been tha one doin tha doin. I'd never, like, raped anybody. Nevahmind my rep, I don't get inta that shit. An' it was nevah necessary. If yer a god, even a minor one like me, ya got yer groupies. Buuut...

Hey, sex is good. Sex is great. I like sex. A lot. But this was tha first time I'd evah got inta somethin with someone I really knew. With tha mortals it was just wham, bam, thank ya, ma'am. Or sir, as tha case may be. *snicker* That was it. Quick cleanup (for them, too, if I was in a good mood) an' zip on outta there, an' I didn't hafta worry about 'ya nevah write, ya neveh visit, what about my needs?'. They didn't expect it, did they? But with Cupe...

With Cupe that would be different. I'd see him around Olympus, I'd run inta him at family gatherins, or when he came ovah ta visit Ares. An' that could get awkward. Yeah, he might be horny right then... He gave anothah push up, an' I groaned. Oh, yeah, he was horny right then, all right.

Where was I? Yeah. Right then he was horny, but he was gonna hafta see me around for a long time aftah tha heat wore off. A long, long time. Tha mortals liketa natter on about 'forevah'. *snort* They got no concept. We do. Eternity is eternity with us. An' I couldn't stand tha thought of seein that 'Oh, no. What tha fuck was I thinkin?' look in his eyes when we ran inta each othah. So I figured I'd bettah cut this off before it went too far an' he had a memory that was gonna make him wince every time he saw me.

"Cupe, look, it's mornin, all right? Time ta get up."

Anothah hump. "I am up. Haven't you noticed."

"Puns are s'posed ta be my department." I was startin ta sweat. "An' yeah, I noticed. We, uh... Bliss. Bliss could come runnin in at any minute, an I don't know about you, but I got no explanation ta give tha kid that would covah this situation."

There, that should do it: appeal ta his paternal instincts. Everyone knew that bein' Aphrodite's grandson an' Cupid's kid, Bliss was gonna be one wise little dude when it came ta tha... um... physical aspects of human interaction. Sheesh. Takes a lotta breath ta say that insteada 'sex'. Anyways, he was gonna know a heckuva lot more a heckuva lot earlier than most people, but Cupe still wasn't gonna push it in his face. He said tha kid needed time ta just be a kid. I figured that bringin up tha possibility of us gettin interrupted again would turn tha trick.

I figured wrong. "He's with Mom. She promised to keep him today, and she's always over before sunup to sneak him over to her place before he wakes up. She likes to watch him sleep."

"Oh." He unlaced his hands from behind my back, but before I could pull off, they slid down an' came ta rest on my ass, then pulled, movin me against him. "Oh!"

"Do you have any more excuses?" He pulled again, an' I bit my lip. "Come on, tell me now so I can knock them down and we can get on with this."

I was gettin desperate, for more than one reason. Last ditch effort, I went ta sarcasm. "It's my time of tha month?" He laughed. "Well, it works for Ma. Course she's usually blastin someone inta tha next country when she says it."

Cupid kept laughing "Oh, man! Discord on the rag. Now that's scary."

"Your tellin me? All I can say is it's a damn good thing I'm hard ta kill."

He stopped laughin, an' those eyes darkened again, goin from clear gray ta stormy. I was sorry I said it. He had his own family problems, he didn't need me whinin. "Look, Cupe, ya don't wanna do this. It's like I'm a natural shit magnet. Things just happen around me, an' I don't even start 'em all. I'm more trouble than I'm worth."

His voice was quiet. "Who says so?"

I shrugged. "Pretty much everybody."

Anothah pull. He was more or less humpin my body against him. It felt fantastic. "I do want this, Strife."

I let my head drop down on his chest, sighin. "Ah, crap. Well, ya can't save somebody from themselves, I guess." I started ta rock my hips.

He sighed. "Yes. It's even better when you're acting instead of just reacting."

"I'm a pro-active sorta guy."

We moved tagethah. Oh, boy, it was good. As we got fastah, his hands slid around, grippin an' pullin. I could feel my cheeks spread, cool air whiffin ovah tha damp, heated skin of the crevice. Before I had a chance ta decide whethah or not I liked that, Cupid rolled us ovah, landing on top of me.

Well, this was novel. Last night he'd just sorta hovered till Bliss landed on him. Now he was stretched out on toppa me. I felt tha weight of someone pressin me down inta tha mattress, an I wondered how it was that women did this all tha time. It was kinda scary. It's hard not ta feel little an' helpless when someone does that ta ya. I wasn't about ta say anythin about that, though. Ya don't show weakness, ya don't let anyone know ya feel vulnerable--anyone. Too fuckin many people will use that, some of my own relatives included. I know. I learned that a long time ago.

But mixed up in tha worry an' tha anxiety I was feelin was a sorta thrill that went beyound plain ol' lust. Nobody evah took control of me in a situation like this. They nevah dared. Think about it--if things went tha wrong way, would you want tha God of Mischief down on yer ass?

So, though my ass had been kicked in many an' varied ways by a variety of people, when it came ta sex I'd always been in charge. Till now, it looked like.

Cupid pushed a knee between my legs. When I spread 'em, he settled between my thighs, braced his uppah body up offa me with his hands on eithah side, an' started ta pump. We were both leakin by then, an' the warm, slippery fluid spread ovah our groins an' bellies, makin tha slide even easier.

I hooked my feet ovah tha back of his legs an' bucked up ta meet him, slow an' steady. I reached between us an' stroked first his cock, then my own, then his, feelin tha difference in texture an' shape. He whispered, "That's nice. That's so nice."

He moved more quickly, an' I closed my eyes, losin myself in tha sensation. I heard a rustlin sound an' opened them again. Cupid was thrustin against me, hard an' fast, an' he'd spread his wings. I don't think he even knew it, but they were open in a great, white expanse, sorta framin him as he moved ovah me.

I couldn't resist it. I put my arms up, reachin around him, my hands settlin at tha small of his back. Then I slid up, an' up, till I came ta tha wings. I found tha spot where they joined his body. When I touched it, he made a noise, then bit his lip, an' sped up even more.

Oh, ho. I ran my fingahs lightly along tha join, an' he grunted. Tha wings flapped, an' I could feel tha shift of tha muscles undah his skin. I rubbed, findin that he had down, like chick fuzz, between tha smooth skin an' tha silky feathahs farther up.

"Strife..." His voice was kinda choked.

"Ya like that?" I rubbed a sensitive spot, just at tha base of each wing, an' they flapped again, quick an' hard. He cried out, his head goin back. *Oo, yeah. Call tha cartographahs, I think I just mapped outta new erogenous zone.*

He rammed against me, an' I felt a gush of hot liquid on my belly while Cupid trembled ovah me. Even though it was ovah, I didn't really wantta stop. I kept runnin my hands ovah his back an' sides, pettin him. "Okay, now ya gonna let me up?"

He frowned slightly. "Strife, you haven't finished yet."

"Uh, no. That's all right." I wiggled. "Just lemme go ta anothah room for a minute, an'..." I was cut off with a gasp as he reached between us an' wrapped his hand around me.

"You don't really think that I'm so selfish I'd leave you like this, do you?"

"No, but..." He was rubbin tha clear fluid ovah my glans with his thumb. "Look, Cupe, ya don't hafta do this."

"What do you mean, 'have to', silly? This isn't some sort of obligation. I want to bring you off. I want to see what you look like when you come."

"I make funny faces, just like everyone else."

"Let's see." His hand worked quickly. His touch was gentle, but firm, an' I found that I was workin my hips, shovin my hard dick furthah inta his grip. I lost tha power of speech right about tha time he reached down an' started ta play with my balls.

"I think you're close, cuz," he whispered. All I could do was pant an' whimper. "Just a little more. Maybe this..."

His hand slid down farther, finger pushin inta tha crease of my ass, an' it passed across tha pucker of my asshole. I screamed an' grabbed his shouldahs as I came. He kept strokin me, ass an' cock, as I emptied my balls.

I watched, pantin, as he lifted his hand ta his mouth an' tasted tha milky drops that clung ta his fingers. Curious, I ran my finger ovah my belly an' looked at tha fluid I'd collected. "Is this mine, or yours?"

He gripped my wrist, then took my fingah in his mouth, suckin it softly. *Oh, shit. If he keeps doin that, I'm gonna get hard again.*

He released tha hand, smackin his lips. Thoughtful, he said, "I think it's a little of both. If you're interested in how I taste, you can find out next time."

*Next time? Crap. I gotta nip this in tha bud, for both of our sakes.*

He was leanin down ta kiss me, an' I shook my head, turnin my face away. "What's wrong?"

He put his fingers undah my chin, tryin ta turn me back so he could look in my eyes. I didn't let him, though. I shut 'em tight. "Don't kiss me."

He was quiet for a long time. "Why not?"

"Just don't, okay? I'm not tha kissin sort."

"I thought..."

"Look, we've had a nice little eye-opener here, Cupe. Time ta get outta bed an' get inta tha real world, dontcha think?"

"What have I done wrong?"

His voice sounded so sad that I just wanted ta kick myself, but that's nothin new. I'm used ta disappointin people. I made myself laugh. "Nothin. Ya were terrific. Heck, I s'pose it's impossible for ya ta be less than terrific. But we got things ta do, right? Quicker this shit is set right, quicker I'm outta your blonde hair, so c'mon. Lemme up, ya big lug."

I felt him touch my face, big hands movin gently, strokin my cheeks. Just before he moved offa me he said it again. "If this is the way it has to be," But then he added, "for now."

Practicin Matchmakin

So we got up an' had breakfast, at tha table this time, so I actually got ta eat. It wasn't all that easy, though. He kept lookin at me. I know from lookin, 'kay? Hey, I'm tha one that invented "M-o-m! He's lookinat me!" One of my bettah ones. This was different, though.

I mean, I was usedta bein looked at with scorn, apprehension, fear, doubt, dismay, angah, amusement (tha nasty sort)--any of tha' negative emotions ya can name. An' yeah, some lust. Cupid was lookin at me all thoughtful. It was like he was tryin ta figure me out, but not because he thought he'd bettah, if he didn't wanna end up with burrs in his pants or sand in his sheets. It was like I was interestin. An' when I looked back at him his eyes would get kinda soft. It made me nervous. Tha only time Ma gets that look on her face is when she's about ta torture somebody.

When we were finished tha table cleaned itself up, an' I stretched. "Okay, so do I kick Anieli's butt back ta Damara, or drag her back ta him by her hair?"

Cupe shook his head, his voice dry. "That sort of direct approach never works except in bad plays."

"I could just explain ta each of 'em what I did. They'll have somethin in common then. Mutual hatred of me could bring 'em closer tagethah."

"You don't want them hating you."

"Cupid, c'mon! Get real, huh? Aside from a small selection of worshipahs who ain't too tightly wrapped, most people at least dislike me. I'm used ta it."

"You shouldn't be."

I scowled. "Well, life would be pretty shitty if I wasn't, wouldn't it?"

"No, I mean you shouldn't have to be used to it."

I felt a faint, hysterical giggle startin. "What, ya mean I should be... I dunno... respected?" He nodded. The giggle got out of control. I almost fell off tha chair. "Hoo, there's an image for ya! Strife, bein appreciated! Oh, man, my ribs haven't hurt this bad since tha last time I screwed up on wunna Unc's errands!"

He didn't say anythin else while I calmed down again. Well, as much as I can calm down. Finally he said, "You really believe that, don't you?"

I snorted, wipin my eyes. "Well, yeah. Sure. Ain't seen any evidence ta make me think othahwise, have I? Okay, now that we got tha mornin comedy outta tha way, if I can't drag 'em back tagethah what are we gonna do?"

"You need a little experience in what it's like to bring people together."

"Oo, yah mean I get ta use tha bow an' arrows?" Tha thought of what I could do with those was enough ta gladden a God of Mischief's heart.

Cupe fought down a look of alarm. He knew what I could do with 'em, too. "No, I told you, those aren't to be thrown around lightly. We'll work on more subtle intervention."

"Whatevah." Mm, judgin from tha look on his face, that one word was gonna cause a lot of aggravation farthah along tha line. I had a feelin it was gonna be pissin people off for a coupla thousand years.

We materialized in a marketplace, kinda medium sized. I looked around. Lotsa good opportunities for mischief inna place like that. Everyone kept walkin past us, a few of 'em takin side trips they hadn't planned on ta avoid runnin inta us.

He led me ovah ta a fruit stand that was bein presided ovah by a kinda plain lookin mortal woman. "Okay, In a minute the man I've chosen for her is going to arrive. He's been passing by this stand every day for two weeks, trying to work up enough nerve to talk to her. I want you to get them to interact."

"How?"

"That's up to you. Just get them off to an amicable start and the romance will blossom from there. They're meant for each other."

We waited. I noticed that a kinda handsome guy had walked past tha stall three times, an' he was givin the proprietress sheep's eyes. I pointed ta him. "That tha one?"

"Yes. He's even more nervous than I thought. If he doesn't come up here on his next pass, I may have to do something."

But tha guy stopped on his next pass an' slowly walked up ta tha stall. Tha woman gave him a little smile, maybe a tiny bit warmer than what she did for tha othah customahs. An' tha guy just stood there, starin at her. I rolled my eyes. Wunna her friends called out ta her ta ask her about somethin. When she looked away, I reached out an' took hold of tha bottom apple onna large, slightly wobbly pile an' began ta work it free.

"Strife, what are you...?"

Guy noticed tha apple, thought it was about ta fall, an' reached for it. I gave it a good yank just as that girl looked around. What she saw was Guy pullin his hand back as tha whole pile of apples cascaded ta tha street. "Oh! It took me an hour to set up that display! Why couldn't you take one off the top, like an intelligent monkey?"

Guy started ta splutter, an' Cupid rounded on me. "What was that all about? I wanted you to bring them together." I shrugged. "How did you think that making him look like a clumsy, bumbling oaf would endear him to her?"

"Hey, it works for Joxer an' Unc."

He closed his mouth, then said, "Yes, well, they're a special case." He sighed, watching as the woman pushed tha blushin' man out of her way and began gatherin up tha apples. "Okay, the connection is still there, and still strong. I think just a little push should do it. First, an admission." He whispered in Guy's ear. Guy stuttered, "Gosh, I'm sorry! I'm a clumsy idiot." Ho, that was interestin. He'd nevah touched tha things, but he was willin ta take blame ta sooth tha woman's feelings.

She looked a little less pissed an' said, "Oh, I suppose these things happen. But why on earth did you try to take one from the bottom of the pile? Weren't the ones on top just as good?"

Cupe whispered to Guy again. "No, the others wouldn't do. Don't you know what it's like to have your heart set one, special thing? Nothing else is good enough, once you've found your heart's desire."

An' he wasn't talkin about apples. We all knew that. Tha woman blushed an' started droppin apples herself. He squatted down next ta her an' started ta help gather them into a pile. Cupid nodded. "All right. Admission of guilt, flattery and veiled declaration, helpfulness. I think a little demonstration of thoughtfulness and his practical skills might cinch it."

He whispered again. Guy said, "You know, this wouldn't have happened if you'd had a nice little rim around the counter. It would keep things from spilling, and you could pile your displays higher and sturdier."

She looked at him shyly. "That sounds like a good idea, but I don't have enough money for another stall."

"I could fix it for you. I'm good with my hands."

By now they were starin inta each othah's eyes, an' her voice was kinda breathy when she said, "Are you?"

In anothah minute he had asked her to suppah an' she had suggested that he come ovah an' let her cook for him. I shook my head as we walked away. "An' people call ma manipulative."

"I look at it this way, Strife: you serve War, I am Love. All's fair in Love and War. Ask anyone."

Tha next place was out in tha country somewhere, onna small farm. "Okay, Strife, different situation. The last two were a first contact, these two have known each other most of their lives. That's the problem. They already love each other, but neither one is ready to admit that it's 'that way'. They feel it would be almost incestuous."

I blinked. "An' tha problem is?"

"Well, they don't look at those things like we do. Brother and sister, or even more distant relatives getting together are a big deal with the mortals. Remember Oedipus?"

I winced. "Oo, ick. Tha eye thing was gross. Yeah, they take it way too serious. So, what do I do?"

"That's up to you."

I thought about it. "No interferin?"

He looked kinda dubious, but he said, "No. No interference."

"All right. First thing I gotta get acquainted with tha situation." So I spent a coupla hours checkin things out. Tha three people on tha farm were tha couple, Linea an' David, an' Linea's fathah, Bairdiella. Tha old guy's wife had passed onta Hades five or six years ago.

David had grown up on tha farm next door, an' come ta work here when he was just a striplin. He had a room out ovah tha stables. Tha old jerk had enough room in tha house ta put 'im up, but he wasn't gonna do it. David was 'hired help'.

Like most farm kid's Linea had been helpin around tha house since she was old enough ta walk by herself, but lately she was operatin as her dad's housekeeper. Daddy Bairdiella wasn't too hot ta let her get married off, an' he discouraged tha local young men from hangin around. It nevah occurred ta tha dumbass that Linea could fall in love with tha hired man.

It was almost painful watchin them. I mean, they were so obviously in love with each othah, but neithah wunna them were gonna admit it. I thought about it, an suggested ta tha botha them that it would be real pleasant ta have a sit on tha bench on tha side of tha house.

They sat there, side by side, not touchin, hardly able ta say a word ta each othah, but that was good. Fit right in with what I planned. Then I nudged tha old guy inta tha room that was just on tha othah side of tha wall. There weren't any windahs, just a kinda ventilation slit near tha roof.

I stood on tha bench between tha two lovebirds as Cupid watched. I cleared my throat an' did an imitation of David's voice. Wasn't easy, doin his silly accent. "Oh, Linea, my darling. I can't stand it any more. It's too hard, being so close to you and unable to touch you."

Linea goggled at David, who as ya can imagine was pretty damn surprised himself. Then I said, in Linea's voice, "Sweet David, I know, oh, I know. I can't hold back, either. Kiss me."

Linea was even more surprised than David, but she didn't have too much time ta think about it, cause David was hearin what he wanted ta hear, an' wasn't gonna worry about a little thing like Linea's lips not movin. He laid a beauty of a lip lock on her. I had ta jump like a jackrabbit ta keep from gettin caught between 'em. Lemme tell ya, I woulda gotten kissed in some very interestin places.

I figured Daddy wouldn't need too much more, so I used Linea's voice again and moaned. "Oooooo, Da-vid! Ooooh."

That did it. Bairdiella came poundin around tha cornah with blood in his eye. "Get your hands off my daughter!"

I'll give tha kids points, they had guts. They didn't just jump apart. They kept their arms around each othah an' looked at Bairdiella. I think I was seein David grow a spine. "I love her, and she loves me."

"What? Don't be ridiculous. She can't love you-- you're hired help."

Linea said, "Daddy, don't talk like that. He's a strong, hard worker. You know that."

"And why shouldn't he be? He's paid. Paid to work, not to slobber on my daughter! Get off my land, and don't come back."

Ya know, I nevah would've thought Cupid could turn pale with that nice tan he has.

"Daddy, no! I told you, I love him!"

"No, you don't." Complete dismissal. I can relate ta that, sister.

Dad had a pretty tight hold on her, so I thought maybe she needed anothah goad, so I suggested ta Bairdiella. "Yer hungry, ain'tcha? Get her distracted. She's dumb, she'll forget all about him if ya keep her busy."

"You'll forget him in no time, Linea. Now, go make my supper."

David flushed. "Stop ordering her around."

"Daddy, I can't believe you think I'd just forget..."

"David, get off my land. Linea, get in the kitchen."

"I'm leaving, all right!" David looked at Linea. "Come with me."

"What?" I'm not sure what tha proper name is for tha color his face turned. Puce? Eggplant? Aphrodite's tha one who knows all tha proper terms for decoratin. It was purple, anyway. "You can't do that!"

Turns out that Linea is not tha kind ya should tell she can't do somethin. Makes her more determined. "You can't tell me what to do. I'm a grown woman."

"Then show some sense! He can't take care of you. You'll starve in the streets, since he doesn't have a job anymorre!"

David looked at Linea. "My uncle has been asking me to come to Thrace and work in his wine business. There won't be much money to start, but there's room for advancement. What do you say?"

"Let me pack."

I whispered in David's ear. "Good. We'll stop at Hera's temple on the way out and be married."

I walked ovah ta where Cupid was standin, lookin stunned. "Mission accomplished. What next?"

"Gods, Strife, I only wanted you to get them to admit they were in love with each other. I didn't say anything about having them give her father conniptions and then elope to Thrace."

"So consider it a bonus."

"But... but... They're so young. And Thrace is a long way off, and the boy won't be making much at that job with his uncle. Things are going to be very hard for them."

I cocked my head. "Cuz, haven't I heard somewhere that tha course of true love is nevah smooth? What's tha beef? They realized how they felt for each othah, they're tagethah, an' they're out from undah that wart hog's control."

He sighed. "But it could have gone so wrong, Strife. What if she hadn't had the gumption to go with him? What if he'd slunk off with his tail between his legs? It was so risky." I shrugged. He sighed. "But it worked. I have to give you credit for that. Why the marriage? They could've just run away together." "Well, she struck me as sort of a non-sluttish type, maybe even a virgin. Ya think I want Artemis, Demeter, an' Hera down on me for lettin her get de-virginized outta wedlock?"

He just shook his head, but he was smilin. "I think this is all I can handle for today. We'll do a little more tomorrow, then I think you'll be ready to tackle the main event. Come here."

Babysittin

When we flashed inta Cupid's place he held onta me till I was steady again, then said, "Look I need to ask you a favor."

"Yeah?" *Here it comes. Time ta play 'Use tha Loser'.*

"I really need to go have a talk with Pops, but Mom is due to bring Bliss back any minute now. Could you watch him for a couple of hours?"

My mouth dropped open like I was tryin ta catch flies. "Ya mean you'd trust me ta watch yer kid?"

He frowned. "Of course I would. Strife, you may act a little flaky sometimes, but you're a very responsible person. You never neglect your duties. Besides, Bliss really, really likes you."

I couldn't help grinnin. "He does, huh?"

"One more time, of course. And you like him, too."

"Yeah, well, don't talk it around. I got a rep ta maintain, ya know? Sure, I'll watch tha brat."

"Thank you." He gave my arm a squeeze. "I won't be too long, I hope." He disappeared in a shower of gold sparks.

I hardly had time ta sit down when Aphrodite appeared in her own shower of gold sparklies, plus rose petals, Bliss in her arms. 'Dite's wunna tha good ones. I nevah get tha feelin she's looking for an excuse ta get away from me as soon as she sees me, like I do with some of 'em.

She smiled at me. "Well, hello Mischief! Where's that son of mine?"

"He's havin a confab with Unca Ares. I'm gonna watch tha kiddo till he gets back."

Bless her, she nevah even batted an eyelash, just set Bliss down on tha floor, sayin, "That's nice of you, dear. It's hard to get good babysitters these days."

Bliss flew ta me as straight as wunna Cupe's arrows, an hit me almost as hard, scramblin up on my lap. "Oof! Hiya, kid. Da... uh, darn yer gettin big."

"Sowwy." He started climbin up me, manueverin ta sit on my shoulders.

"Ow! Bliss, who made those sandals for ya--Hephastus? Yow."

"Sowwy." He'd got situated, little legs danglin on eithah side of my neck, an' kicked. "Giddap."

"Yer Granma took ya ta visit Apollo's stables again, didn't she? 'Dite, how many honey cakes did ya feed him?"

'Dite smiled at me sweetly. "I have to be going now. Tell Cupid we need to have a chat very soon. In fact, tonight or tomorrow would be best."

"Check."

She flashed out just as Bliss buried his hands in my hair, tugged, an' said. "Hiyo, Stwifie! Away!"

*sigh*

Well, what was I s'posed ta do? He's my second-cousin, aftah all. Or is that first cousin, once removed? Nevah could get that family tree shit straight, an' when yer a god it really doesn't make all that much difference. Anyways, I got up an' played horsie. I galloped around, neighin an' snortin. He had a real giggle fit when I bucked. I really shoulda thought about tha fact that he was just barely potty trained before I did that, though. That instant clean-up can come in real handy.

It was movin on toward evenin, then, so I waved us up some food, makin sure he had plenty of warm milk. Cupe still hadn't shown up, so I bathed him. If I hadn't been wearin my leathers I'da got a shower myself. Kid was like a hyper-active otter on a massive sugar high.

When he was clean I plucked 'im outta tha tub, an' he flapped his little wings so fast ya would've mistaken him for a hummin bird. Anothah shower. I wrapped 'im up in a big towel, took 'im to his bedroom an' dried 'im off. By that time he'd finally started ta calm down.

I thought up a clean shift for him ta sleep in, an' I noticed that he was turnin in a circle. For a second I just watched him spin, wonderin if this was some new sorta game, then I realized what was goin on. He was tryin ta reach his wings. Durin tha bath tha feathahs had gotten all disarranged. They were layin every which way. Judgin from tha frown on his face an' tha determined way he was spinnin around, reachin back, it musta been pretty uncomfortable.

"Hey, Bliss. C'mere buddy." He stopped an' came ta me. "Wassa matter? Yer feathahs ruffled?"

He frowned an' nodded, flapping them again, hard. "It don't feel good. Daddy us'lly fixes 'em for me, but Daddy's not here now." His bottom lip stuck out, an' his eyes got wet. "Where's my daddy, Stwife? I not seen 'im all day."

"He had business, kiddo. He'll be back soon, an' I bet tha first thing he does is come in here ta make sure yer all right an' give ya a good-night kiss."

He looked only a little comforted. "You sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, ya big silly! Yer Dad loves ya like nobody's business. Now, why dontcha let me try an' help ya with those feathahs, huh? We'll get ya comfortable so ya can go ta sleep."

"Kay."

I picked him up an' set him on my knees, an' began ta smooth his wings out. I worked carefully, straightenin an' preenin each feathah till it lay flat an' smooth. They were so pretty. Tha feathahs were so white they were almost silver, an they were tha smallest, softest, smoothest things I evah touched, even more so than Cupid's feathahs. I guess it's kinda like baby hair: it's always softah an' finah than adult hair.

I finished an' said, "Ready ta go ta bed now?"

He turned sideways on my lap, leanin against me, an' yawned. "Not yet. Tell me a stowie."

Oh, man! Mosta tha stories I knew were definitely not meant for little ears. "Uh... What kinda story?"

"A twue stowie."

*Oh, heck.* I just started talkin. "Once upon a time there was a little godling named Bliss..."

He giggled. "Stowie's 'bout me?"

"Some of it. Now be quiet an' close yer eyes." He did, settlin his cheek against my chest. "Okay, this was wunna tha baddest godlings around..."

He opened one eye, frownin at me. "Ise not bad."

"Bad means good."

"Oh." I love that. Just accepted it, didn't need a long explanation.

"So, Bliss was also wunna tha happiest godlings on Olympus, cause he had a big, beautiful daddy ta look aftah him, an' a crazy somethingorothah cousin ta keep him amused, so he wasn't bored very much. Tha only problem was that tha crazy guy wasn't around all that much. Then one day somethin too complicated ta explain happened, an' poof! Crazy Guy was livin in tha very same house with Bliss an' his ultra cool daddy." His eyes were closed, an' he had managed that cat trick of disolvin his bones. I picked him up carefully an' stood, then slipped him inta tha bed, whisperin, "An' they all lived happily evah aftah, which is a long time when yer a god." I bent down an' dropped a kiss on his soft little cheek.

"That was a nice story."

I bit back a noise, so I wouldn't wake up tha kid, when Cupid came up behind me. He bent down an' kissed his son. Bliss didn't quite wake up, but he smiled an murmured somethin that sounded like, "Daddy."

Cupid tucked tha covers a little tighter, an' we both tip-toed out. Out in tha main room I said, "Didya eat? I can wave somethin up real fast."

Cupid shrugged. "Nah, I grabbed a bite over there, after we had our talk. He wasn't in the mood to eat when I got through with him, but Joxer and I had a nice dinner together."

"How is tha Mighty One?"

Cupid grinned, and made a motion in front of his belly. "Out to here. He's taking it pretty well, considering. I mean, pregnancies for us aren't all that big a deal, but it's a pretty hard concept for a mortal man to wrap his mind around."

"He's a nice guy. I like 'im." I smiled. "That clumsiness has helped me out in my work on more than one occasion. Before he fell in with Unc tha boy was a natural mischief magnet." I cleared my throat. I was about ta do somethin that I wasn't sure I had any right ta do, or any sense for it, eithah. "Cupe, I think ya need ta spend a little time with Bliss. He was missin ya pretty bad tanight."

He sighed, sitting down. "I know. It's just been kind of hectic lately. You know--spring. My business really picks up when the weather gets warmer." He held out his hand to me. I just looked at him, and he crooked his fingers at me. "Come on."

I walked ovah to him slowly. "What ya want?"

"Not much." He took hold of my hand an' pulled me down on his lap, puttin his arms around me. "Bliss isn't the only one who likes to cuddle." He laid his cheek on my chest, almost like Bliss had.

I thought for a minute, then put my arms around his neck. It was nice, just sittin there. Cupe is so... so... there, ya know? Real an' solid.

I noticed that some of his feathahs were stickin out at odd angles. Hm. He musta been kinda agitated at Unc's. I reached back an' started ta smooth them out. Cupe sighed again. "That's nice. I watched you doing it for Bliss, and I kind of hoped... But I didn't think I should ask."

"Why not? An' exactly how long were ya watchin?"

"Well, grooming is a kind of a personal thing. And I watched long enough. You're very good with him, Strife."

"He's a cool little kid. Lotta potential there."

"Ah, yes, but potential for what?"

I knew he meant that if I thought he had potential... I snorted. "For all tha good stuff. All kids got some mischief in 'em, Cupe. Not all of 'em are destined ta serve me." I giggled. "Though tha world might be a more interestin place..."

"I didn't mean you, Strife. Just look at his background. There's plenty to worry about there with his ancestors without bringing you into the mix."

Somehow he'd worked a hand up undah my shirt in back (don't ask me how, I wear those suckers tight), an' was rubbin a circle at tha small of my back. He lifted his head ta look at me, an' said, "Strife, I'm sorry if I pushed you into anything you weren't ready for this morning."

I tried ta sound casual. "Oh, hey, cuz, nothin ta apologize for. No harm, no foul, huh? Ain't like I was raped or anythin."

"It doesn't have to be physically violent for it to be wrong. It's just..." He bit his lip. "How can I make you understand this?"

I shrugged. "Wanna draw pictures?"

"Okay, part of it is what I am. What am I, Strife?"

"Well, duh. Yer tha God of Love."

"Wrong. Common misconception. I'm the God of Falling in Love. I usually use the shortened version, saves breath and ink, but there is a difference. I plant the attraction, or bring it to people's attention. What happens after that is up to Mom. So..." He sighed. "I don't want to use this as an excuse, but the process of nurturing love and building it is out of my line. That may have something to do with why things didn't work out between me and Psyche."

"Nah. Tha woman is almost incapable of a genuine emotion beyond selfishness. How she popped out a sweetie like Bliss I'll nevah know. Cupe, what's all this about? It's isn't like you ta get all self-analytical an' philosophical."

"That's part of the problem. I've been taking things too much at surface value. I've started looking deeper lately, though. Take you for instance."

I blinked. "Me?"

"Yes. There's a lot more to you than most people recognize."

I laughed. "Cupe, there are saucers deeper than I am."

I was a little startled when he took my chin in his hands, made me look at him, an' said firmly, "I want you to stop talking about yourself like that. You don't deserve it, Strife. Promise me that you'll stop cutting yourself down."

I studied him. "Why, Cupe? I'm just beatin everyone else ta tha punch line."

"That needs to change, too."

I leaned my forehead against his. "That's a nice sentiment, cuz. Not too damn likely ta happen, but nice."

He was lookin inta my eyes from just an inch or two away. "You might be surprised." His arms tightened around me. "Strife, you can go ahead and make yourself a separate bed if you want to," I felt a sinkin feelin inside till he said, "but I hope you won't."

"I don't, like, kick, or snore, or grind my teeth, or anythin, do I?"

"No." He seemed amused. "Haven't your other bed partners told you?"

"Well, ya see, I nevah really sleep with anyone." He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, smart ass, I do that, but I don't sleep with 'em. One or tha othah of us gets up an' goes." I looked away. "Nobody really seems interested in spendin that much time with me, so I don't force it on 'em." I cut my eyes back at him. "But it was kinda nice, even if I ain't used ta bein used as a blanket."

"I should have asked." Tha hand moved down, cuppin my ass. "It's just that you're so good at keeping me warm."

"So, what?" I looked him straight in the eye. "You askin now?"

His voice was very quiet. "Yes, I'm asking."

"Why, thank you, kind sir. I accept yer lovely invitation." I kissed him, then whispahed, "Ask a civil question, get a civil answer."

Congress

We stood up an' walked ta tha bed, an' Cupe didn't hafta pull me. When we got there I slipped around behind him, an' he said, "Ah. Well, if that's what you want, that's fine by me."

"It ain't that, oh Mastah of Sudden Love."

"No, then what..."

"I just had an idea from Bliss. Lemme see... Yeah, yer kinda ruffled here, fella. Uncomfortable?"

His wings moved fretfully. "Well, now that you mentioned it, yes. It's annoying."

"Siddown." He did, an' I knelt on tha bed behind him. "I did this for Bliss, an' I seem ta be a pretty fair hand at it." I took hold of one feathah that was almost sideways, lifted it carefully, an' turned it straight, smoothin it down. "How's that?"

He sighed. "Wonderful! Don't stop."

"Don't intend ta stop, Cuz." I worked slowly, cause, well, it was just too nice a job ta rush. I hadn't realized how much I liked touchin soft things. I could understand why Joxer kept cuddlin that kitten Ares had given him. Then I thought maybe he liked it most cause it was from Ares, an' I liked this mostly cause it was Cupe. Made sense ta me.

I kept workin, smoothin an' preenin his feathahs. His head drooped, an' he kept givin little sighs. "Ya like that, huh?"

"Oh, yes."

"Ya got a lot of 'em outta line here, Cupe. What were ya up ta?"

"Things got a little intense with Pops."

"Yah? You two usually get along pretty well. What was wrong?" I said hastily, "I know it's none a my business."

"No, it is, actually. It was about you."

"Me?" I froze. "Whaddid I do wrong now?"

"Nothing, Strife. Absolutely nothing."

I made myself start preenin him again. "Then what didya have ta talk about? I mean, if I haven't done anythin?"

"It isn't what you've done. Well, aside from the fact that you've been doing your job very well." He chuckled. "I know it spoiled my work, but I keep thinking about that cat fight. I got there in time to see that."

"Yah? I didn't see ya."

"I didn't intend for you to. I was extremely angry, and I had to go report immediately to Zeus and Hera."

"Well, I'm glad I didn't run intoa ya right then. Ya were mad enough when ya showed up in my bathroom."

He half turned an' looked at me. "I'm sorry about that, Strife. You were just doing what you're supposed to do. No one had warned you that this particular wedding was inviolate." He frowned. "That's part of the problem. No one ever talks to you. Not unless it's Ares giving you orders or someone else giving you abuse."

I shrugged. "Turn back around so I can finish this, huh?" He did, an' I carefully worked on tha last few feathahs, gettin them ta lay straight. When I was done, I kept strokin his wings, enjoyin the way they felt. "I'd hardly know what ta say if someone actually wanted ta have a conversation with me."

"You do all right with Bliss, and me."

"Yah, but Bliss is... Well, he's a kid, an' he don't know any better, right?"

"Are you kidding me? He's a perceptive little kid. He hides his bank when Auto comes over to visit."

I laughed. "Yah, that's smart. Auto can't change his nature, an' he might not be able ta resist, even if Mom would skin his butt. Say, why do ya give tha kid dinars, anyway? It isn't like he needs 'em, right?"

"He likes them because they're shiny. Anyway, since he's going to be dealing with mortals when he grows up, it's best that he starts to get acquainted with their thought processes now. That's one reason why I like him to spend time with Joxer. He's one of the most human mortals I know."

"Jox is cool, all right." I moved my hands down ta rub just under his wings. He stiffened, then slumped again an' lifted his wings a little. "Oh, wanna give me more room ta operate, huh?" He hummed. "Okay, I can do that."

I worked my fingahs in that down between tha wings, then ran my hands up undah them, feelin all along tha base, massagin slowly. Cupe groaned. "Gods, Strife, that feels so good. How did you know? No one ever pays any attention to my wings."

I kissed him between tha shoulder blades, just above where tha wings joined his back. "They're a part of ya, aren't they? Part of what makes you, you." I nuzzled my face against tha feathahs. "An' they're gorgeous. Wanna fool around?"

He laughed. Takin my hand, he pulled it around an' pressed it into his lap. His voice was husky as he said, "Guess."

I felt. "Oo, yeah, I'd say yer interested. Howsabout we get rid of tha clothes?" No sooner said than done. That's wunna tha nice things about bein a god. No trippin while yer tryin ta get outta yer pants, no gettin stuck in yer shirt when yer takin it off. Cuts down on tha awkwardness factor. "But ya know, Cupe? Gettin rid of tha rags tha mortal way can be kinda fun, too."

"Then we'll try it next time." *Next time? Ooo.* "Now, get your hands back on me, please."

"Yessir." I reached back around, slidin my hands ovah his chest. When I found his nipples he let his head fall back on my shoulder. I rubbed, feelin' tha flesh start ta firm inta peaks. Then I pinched, an' he groaned. "Oh, that's nice. Sweetest little buds I've evah felt. Nice an' hard." I let my hand slide down inta his lap. "But ya got somethin harder, dontcha?"

He leaned back against me, an' those feathahs tickled across my torso. In a minute my own nipples were just as hard as Cupe's. His wings are pretty fair sized, an tha tips of his wings were brushin my crotch. My prick was risin ta meet it, kinda nudgin up inta tha softness.

I started kissin an' lickin tha side of his neck while I stroked his cock, slidin tha soft skin ovah tha firm shaft. At tha same time I moved against him. My cock slid in tha soft feathers, sometimes dippin under them ta rub against tha smooth skin of his back.

His arms circled up an' back, holdin me, an' that was as nice as tha rest of it. I said thank you by flickin my tongue inta his ear, then nibblin on his earlobe. I felt a trickle of moisture on my hands an' followed it up ta his cock head. He was leakin clear fluid, an' I rubbed my hand over his glans, getting my palm slick before I went back ta pumpin him.

Cupid gently moved my hand away an' stood up, turnin back toward me. He bent down an' kissed me, movin his tongue inta my mouth. I went back ta fondlin him, strokin with one hand an' cradlin his balls with tha othah.

He took my right hand an' kissed it. When he pulled back, I found that my fingers were coated with sweet smellin oil. Cupe lay down on his stomach, foldin his wings an' spreadin his legs wide. "Get me ready, lover."

I froze. "I... Cupe... You don't want that."

He laughed again. "I don't?" He reached back, feelin blind, but his aim was perfect. He gripped my prick. "You have a beautiful cock, Strife, and I want it inside me."

Still I hesitated. A whirl of memories filled my mind, sensations as well as thoughts, an' I shuddered. He couldn't be serious. I didn't want ta do it to him, I didn't want ta hurt him.

But he gave me a tug, sendin a wave of heat ovah me. "Are ya sure about this, Cupe? We can do somethin else."

He stroked me again, his nails just barely scratching my skin, just enough ta feel good. "This is what I want. Please?"

Oh, geez. I wanted ta resist, I swear, but he was so beautiful, an' he was touchin me... I moved ta kneel between his legs an' pushed his butt cheeks apart, wipin tha oil down tha crease. Man, talk about smooth! An' that little pink pucker looked so invitin.

I touched it gently, an' he twitched. I winced, worried that I'd hurt him already, but he didn't say anythin. I rubbed around tha little openin, massagin. I could feel tha ring of muscle relaxin a little, an' I finally put my fingertip against it an' pushed carefully. I held my breath as I slid my finger into him, listenin for any sound of discomfort.

There was nothin, an' oh, man, was he tight. I was gonna hafta be real careful not ta damage him. I moved in an' out slowly, mentally addin more oil. "Cupe? Ya ready for anothah?"

"Oh,yes. Give it to me."

*Damn, he's brave.* The second finger slid in pretty easily, but he was so snug. I started ta spread my fingahs as I moved 'em in an' out. His breathin was gettin heavier, an' he was squirmin a little. *He's uncomfortable, but he isn't gonna say anythin, cause he wants me ta enjoy myself. Oh, I hafta be so careful...*

"One more, huh, Cupe? Can ya take it?"

"Yes. Don't worry so much, Strife. This isn't the first time I've done this."

"Isn't tha first time for me, eithah."

"Yes? I thought maybe... You're so hesitant. But go on, give me another. I want to get you inside me soon."

I bunched three fingers an' eased them all in, an' he groaned. I knew it. I knew it was gonna be too much for him, but by then I couldn't have stopped unless somebody knocked me offa him with a power bolt.

He said breathily, "Strife, please."

Okay, he wanted ta get it ovah with. I could understand. I pulled my fingahs out an' pressed my cock inta him instead. I entered him slowly, closin my eyes an bitin my lip. "Cupe, oh Cupe. You're so fine."

He moaned softly, an' it tore at my heart. I stayed still, tryin ta give him a chance ta adjust, hopin I could avoid givin him any more pain than I had ta. Then he pushed back at me, whisperin, "Fuck me, Strife. Please."

I groaned an' started ta move inside him. He undulated. Well, he couldn't help it, right? Ya move when yer hurtin. I was torn. If I went hardah an' fastah it would be ovah quicker, but was a lot of pain ovah quickly better than less pain ovah a longer time? I didn't know. But he kinda decided it for me by buckin' and squeezin me with his muscles inside.

I couldn't stop. I started poundin inta him. He was like hot, wet satin inside, an' I couldn't help it. I knew I should stop. I mean, he was moanin and cryin out, but... I tried ta make it up ta him by rubbin that special spot undah his wings. He stiffened, an' I felt his body tighten around me, an' I came, spillin inta his back passage.

I pulled out quickly, an he gasped. *Damn! Can't even leave him alone without hurtin him!* I rolled away from him an' curled up in a ball, huggin my knees an' hatin myself.

"Strife?" His voice was almost lazy. I felt him rubbin my back. "Baby? What's wrong?"

I was shakin. I always managed ta get away from my bed partners before when this reaction hit me. Why hadn't I just winked out when I finished?

"Gods, you're shaking like a leaf! What's wrong? Didn't you have a good time?" He wiggled his hand inta the tangle I'd made of myself, touchin my face. I could feel tha sudden tension in his touch, an' his fingers were wet when he pulled them out. "What the...? Strife!"

I wouldn't straighten out when he tried ta make me look at him. Finally he pulled me onta his lap an' held me in his arms. "Honey, please tell me what's wrong."

I managed ta mumble. "I'm sorry."

"I don't understand."

"I'm sorry, Cupe. I didn't wanna hurt ya, I tried ta get ya to do somethin else." I started cryin harder. "Please don't hate me." Cupid started ta rock me, strokin my hair. "I don't think I could stand it if ya hated me."

Hidin Monsters

Cupid's lap is wunna tha safest places in tha world. I know that now. Back then I just knew that tha shakes eased up some when he pulled me up ta sit across his thighs. He was curved around me, holdin me, an whisperin in my ear. I don't remember tha words, just tha tone. It was gentle an' soothin, reassurin. I stopped cryin in a few minutes, but I didn't try ta get away. It felt too good. I knew he had ta be uncomfortable, he had ta be hurtin, but I was selfish. I just stayed there, restin against him.

After awhile he said, "Better now?"

"Yeh." I sniffed. "My nose is runnin." He materialized a handkerchief an' handed it ta me, an' I blew my nose. I made sure that I honked, hopin ta lighten tha mood an' get his mind offa what happened.

Fat chance. Some people think Cupe is kinda soft, but ya haven't seen him when he makes his mind up about somethin. "Can you tell me what happened now?"

I shrugged. "What can I say? So I hate ta see a good time come ta an end."

He frowned, but his expression was gentle. "It won't work, Strife."

"What?"

"The smart ass act. I know that it isn't a real act with you, you are a smart ass. But it isn't going to get you out of explaining this."

I pulled out of his arms an' threw myself on my belly, pushin my face inta tha pillow."I'm sleepy now."

"No." He rolled me ovah an'took hold of my chin, makin me look at him. "Strife, you were paralyzed. You were crying. That isn't a normal reaction to a good bit of loving, I know."

I sighed. "Ya aren't gonna let this go, are ya?"

He shook his head. "And what was all that nonsense about hurting me? Why did you apologize for giving me one of the nicest orgasms I've had in ages?" He noticed tha skeptical look on my face, an' took my hand, pullin it ta his belly. I could feel the stickiness of dryin sperm.

"Don't mean nothin." I turned away again, movin onta my side ta face away from him. "Tha body reacts all kinds of crazy ways ta physical stimulation, if it's intense enough." I laughed, makin it sound as nasty as I could (an I can be nasty when I wanna). "I know that, too. Ya should see what happens in some of tha little sessions I have with mortals that get on my bad side. Easy ta do, since tha bad side is so big, ya know?"

I felt him lay down behind me, an' closed my eyes as he moved up against me, puttin his arms around me again. "The bad ass pose won't work any better than the smart ass pose. Not this time."

I sighed. "Cupe, I ain't discussin this. Can't ya leave it alone?"

"No."

"Shit. Go ta sleep. I ain't talkin."

"All right."

Oo, I shoulda known he wasn't gonna give up that easily. I mean, son of Love an' War, two of tha most inevitable forces in tha universe? But, I dunno. Lookin back, I think I musta known he wasn't gonna stop. Maybe I wanted him ta keep on. I'd nevah told anyone before.

So I let myself sleep. Things were all jumbled up in my mind, an' usually I have a hard time sleepin aftah I've fucked someone. Conscience botherin me, I guess (an' don't ya dare laugh at that). But with Cupid's arms around me I started ta drift off.

A little later I felt a tickle in tha back of my mind. I didn't do anythin at once, just stayed quiet an' waited ta see what he was up to. Normally I'd resent someone pokin around in my mind, but I knew Cupe was doin it for tha best reason, an' I also knew he wasn't gonna find anythin I didn't want him to. I had those memories walled up good an' tight. They only got out when I was really asleep, or when I had sex. It had taken me years an' years ta get 'em corralled, an' I'd built the walls that held 'em thick an' high, with broken glass on tha tops.

Finally I whispered, "You're gonna get filthy, muckin around in there."

He sighed, an I felt his lips against tha back of my neck. "What did I tell you about downgrading yourself like that?"

"Old habits die hard."

"Fight it, okay?"

"Okay."

I felt tha tickle again. In my mind, Cupid was touchin tha wall. "What is this?"

"Nothin."

"It doesn't look like nothing. That's the type of wall you build to hold in a monster: a hydra or a gorgon."

"I like architecture. Now, will ya please let me go ta sleep?" I felt him leave my mind, an' waited till I felt his breath fall inta that deep, slow rhythm that means sleep. Then I finally let myself drift off.

I shoulda known it would get out. It almost always does aftah I... do that. An' I shoulda known Cupid would realize what was goin on: I know how I get when it hits me. I shivah an' moan, an' usually end up screamin.

I came awake with someone on top of me, an' I was screamin, "Not again! Oh, gods, not again!"

Yeah, I'm minor, but I was trained by Ares, an' I can fight. I did. Tha voice kept sayin "Calm down," an' that was wrong, because it usually just said stuff like 'Take it, slut!' an' 'If you fight I'll cut you again'.

Usually it doesn't last long once I wake up, just a couple of seconds. But this time... It had been waitin a long time ta get out. It wasn't gonna stop till it ran all tha way through.

Tha feel of cold iron on my ankles an' wrists, iron forged by Hephastus. Iron I couldn't slip or break. Iron that also had a compellin spell on it, so I had ta do whatevah I was ordered. Tha cold. It shouldn't have been that cold, they had a fire. Sure, they had a fire. Othawise they couldn't have heated tha brand, could they? But me bein naked, it felt cold anyway. Tha way tha big one laughed when I screamed tha first time one of 'em raped me (no oil, he said tha blood would work just fine). Maybe if I'd screamed sooner, or cried more, it wouldn't have lasted so long, or been so bad. Probably not, though.

Then tha next one, an' tha next one, an' tha next one... It shoulda just faded inta a blur, but I could remember each wunna them, all tha differences in tha way they fucked me. I woulda remembered how they tasted, if they'd used my mouth. But none of 'em quite dared do that, even with tha spell an tha iron. From tha way I cursed them at tha start they were afraid I still had a little control there, an' they didn't wanna risk losin a chunk of their favorite organ.

Yer not supposed ta be able ta kill a god except in certain, special ways, but I damn sure felt close ta dead when they finished with me just before dawn. Tha next to tha last order was ta heal myself an' clean myself up. I did, making tha blood an' spit and shit an' come disappear, wipin away tha tears an' burns an cuts an' bruises. Then he beat me a little more, so I'd have somethin ta show Ares.

Tha last ordah was that I was nevah gonna tell anyone what had really happened, an nevah seek revenge for as long as tha bastards lived. As far as Ares or anyone else was concerned, I'd just gotten bashed around a little, An' hey, what was tha big deal about that? Happened all tha time, didn't it?

I finally managed ta fight it back behind tha wall, lockin it in. I opened my eyes. It was Cupid who was holdin me down. I've nevah seen such a horrified look on anyone's face. Oh, shit. He knew. He had ta know, with that expression.

I jerked, tryin ta throw him off. "You looked, damn you! You had no right!"

"Strife, gods! You were screaming and fighting, and I couldn't get you to wake up. I had to see what was causing it." He stopped holdin me down an' started ta pull me into his arms. "Baby..."

"No!" I shoved him off an' rolled away. When my feet hit tha floor, I was dreassed. Yeah, black leather. My bad ass gear. My own version of armor. I started pacin. "Ya don't understand, Cupe! I was bound not ta tell anyone. What tha crap are tha Fates gonna do to me now? Shit, I don't wanna be harpy dive bombed every time I go outside."

"You didn't tell me. I snooped."

I paused, considerin that. Yeah, it might pass. It was a technicality, and tha gods thrive on technicalities. I sat back down on tha bed. "Yah, okay. I guess that flies."

"Strife, who were those people?"

"Look, it was a long time ago."

"It might as well have been last night, the way it's affecting you."

"Oh, I'm lots bettah. I couldn't go anywhere near a fire for awhile."

He looked green, but he kept on. "When did this happen, and who were they?"

I sighed. "All right. I can see ya have the bit in your teeth now. I'm just bound from sayin what really happened, there's nothin about tellin what's public record. Ya remember a warlord named Cezanno?"

Cupid's forehead wrinkled, then he looked even more upset. "Cezanno the Cruel?"

"Yah, except he hadn't earned his nickname then, he was just Cezanno. He did some pretty important stuff for Ares, won a lot of battles, an' Unc offered him whatevah he wanted as a reward. What he wanted was me for one night. That was way back when I'd just assumed my position as God of Mischief, an' I was..." I smiled, "maybe a little ovah enthusiastic. I'd really been givin him Tartarus for about a month. Unc knew this, and figured he wanted ta kick me around a little in revenge. I'd pissed Ares off by fumblin somethin or other, an he agreed. Figured it would teach me a lesson."

When Cupid gasped, I said, "Nah. He didn't know what was gonna happen. Neithah did I. I thought I was just gonna get a regular butt kickin. Like I've said before, nothin that had already happened, right? So Heph slapped on tha restraints, an' I was deposited at his fortress." I shrugged. "You saw tha rest. He brought in..." I frowned. "five... no, six of his favorite men. I survived. In tha mornin I cleaned up, I healed, an' they turned me back ovah ta Ares. He cut me loose, told me he hoped I'd learned somethin, an' that was that."

"But the man's cruelty is legendery. He... he was horrific."

"Yah. But he wasn't born that way." I thought. "No, maybe he was. It just took him some time ta get big an' strong' an' powerful enough ta do what he really wanted ta. I think I was wunna his first projects. A god, who won't die no mattah what ya do, an' is a hell of a lot less likely ta pass out or become numb ta tha pain? I was perfect for him, an' he was really, really pissed with me."

"Oh, Strife. I'm so sorry."

"Why? Wasn't you that did it, Cupe."

"Dad..."

"Wasn't his fault, eithah. Like I said, he didn't know."

"Something should have been done."

"Oh, somethin was done."

"What?"

"Like I told ya, that was a long time ago. They're all dead now." I could feel tha smile stretchin my lips, an' I knew it was tha one that has most everybody convinced I'm crazy. "Ya know, Cupe, besides bein tha God of Mischief, I sorta think of myself as tha Lord of Loopholes. They left me one. That stupid shit said I couldn't seek revenge for as long as they lived." Tha smile got wider. "I bet he didn't know that he could have visitors in Tartarus."

Declaration

I stood up an' stretched. "Okay, enough of tha angst shit. Yer Mom wants ta have a talk with ya, an' I'm sure yer plannin some sorta expidition for latah, so why don'tcha go have a blab with her now? I'll stay with Bliss." I grinned. "If ya hurry, ya might catch her in bed with Heph. He turnes tha nicest shade of purple when he's ticked."

"All right. When I get back we'll drop Bliss off at Pop's place. It's his turn to babysit." I managed not ta snicker. Actually, who'd ya rather have guardin yer kid than War?

Cupe was dressed when he stood up. I understand that latah on, oh a few dozen centuries down tha line, tha mortals pictured Cupe as a little, chubby, nekkid kid. *snicker* *snort* Excuse me. I wouldn'ta minded tha nekkid part, but while tha gods are a lot more casual about that sorta thing than mortals, they usually do keep at least a few rags on when they're out in public. Dammit.

I expected him ta just flash off, but he came ovah an' took me in his arms. I stiffened up. I mean, I didn't exactly expect him ta clobber me, but I figured he couldn't be feelin too kindly toward me aftah what I put him through last night. He looked a little sad when he felt me tense up, but he smiled. I said, "What?"

"Good-bye kiss?"

"Yer kiddin, right?"

His hand went up inta my hair, holdin me, an' he kissed me--with tongue. Uh, yeah, I suppose he wouldn't have been able ta do that if I hadn't opened my mouth, but... *cough* Didn't seem p'lite not ta open when someone was knockin, ya know? Gods can kiss for a long time, since we don't hafta have oxygen. Have I mentioned how good he tastes? He kept kissin me till I had my arms around his neck an' was suckin on his tongue.

Finally he pulled back an' smiled at me. "Now, that's a send off!" He bit my chin lightly an'...

FLASH

gone again. An' me standin there with a hard-on.

*sigh*

Well, Bliss was gonna be up at any minute, so I whipped up a tub of cold watah an' dunked myself. That works even for gods. By tha time Bliss came toddlin in, yawnin an' rubbin his eyes, I was dry, dressed, an' my teeth had pretty much quit chatterin.

He went an' rooted through tha bedclothes, lookin for Cupe. Frownin, he said, "Stwife, Daddy gone again?"

"Just for a little while, kid. Yer grandma wanted ta see him." Tha bottom lip poked out, an' I talked quick. "But as soon as he gets back he's takin ya ta visit yer grandad."

His face lit up brighter'n Apollo's chariot at it's highest. "Gran'pa!" he squealed. "I get to see Joxie, too?"

"Sure. He ain't goin anywhere any time soon, Birdboy."

He giggled, trotted ovah an' climbed on my lap. "Do my wings?"

"Sure." I started combin out his feathahs. "Ya musta been tossin an' turnin last night, huh?"

He shrugged. "Had a funny dream."

"Yah? Tell me. I could use a laugh."

He shook his head. "Not funny ha-ha, Stwife."

"Ah, strange-funny." He nodded. "Okay, I like strange. Tell."

He scratched his blonde curls. "Well..." he giggled. "Maybe it is funny ha-ha. You looked kinda funny."

"Oh, I was in it, huh?"

"Yeah, you an' Daddy." He giggled again. "You was kissin."

I cleared my throat. "Was that funny-strange or funny ha-ha?"

"That wasn't the funny part."

That got me. "It wasn't?"

"Nope. Why shouldn't Daddy kiss you? Youse nice."

"Uh... thanks, kid. But what was tha funny part?"

Bliss giggled again. "You was so fat."

I laughed, too. "How many chins did I have?"

"No, youse face wasn't fat. You was fat like Joxie. Ow!"

"Aw, geez, kid, I'm sorry! Did I pull?"

"Just a little, an' that's okay."

"Uh... Bliss, Joxer is fat cause he's gonna have a baby."

"I know. I'm gonna have a cousin!"

"Uh, sorta. Look, howsabout I show ya tha different types of loaded dice? If I know Zeus, he's gonna wanna play against ya some time or anothah, an' ya should be prepared."

FLASH

"Daddy!"

It was a good thing I let go fast, or I'da had a handful of feathahs when Bliss launched himself off my lap an' tackled Cupe. Cupe snatched him up an' tossed him in tha air. Bliss giggled, an' hovahed a couple of seconds, little wings churnin, before he dropped back down inta Cupe's arms. "Good morning, Bliss! Have you been good for Strife?"

"Yeah." He looked ovah at me. "Sowwy, Stwife." I shrugged. He turned back ta Cupe. "Daddy, you came and saw me last night, didn'tcha?"

Cupid hugged him. "I sure did. You know I can't sleep unless I see you. Did you sleep good?"

"I had a dream. Stwife..."

"We oughta get this show on tha road, huh?" I said hastily.

Cupe glanced at me. "Glad to see you're starting to show some enthusiasm for the work." He looked back at Bliss. "What about Strife, baby?"

"Stwife was..."

"I'm goin. I need ta talk ta Unc."

"Strife, wait..."

This time I flashed. I showed up in tha middle of Ares's house, luckily close enough to a chair ta grab it an' sit down.

"Strife, you okay?"

I looked. Joxer, in a loose tunic that didn't disguise tha bulge of his belly, was sittin on a sofa with his legs stretched out. Ares was sittin behind him, with his arms around him an' his chin restin on Joxer's shouldah. He was gently strokin his lover's swollen tummy.

"Yah, I'm fine." An' I was. Tha dizziness an' whoopsiness had disappeared almost at once.

Ares frowned at me--nothin new there. "You're supposed to be with Cupid."

"He's comin. I thought I'd just drop in a little early an' say hey." I smiled at Joxer. "Hey."

He smiled back. "Hey." He really is a nice guy. I feel a little ashamed of all tha crap I laid on him before he hooked up with Unc.

"Unc, I was just thinkin... Ya know, I still haven't gotten that ambassador in a twist yet. I was gonna do it tha next day, but tha manure hit tha blades of tha rotatin aeration device..."

Ares looked confused. Joxer, who's got more on tha ball than a lotta folks give him credit for translated, "Shit hits the fan." Ares looked at him. "One of Salmoneus's inventions. You don't wave the fan, there are a lot of fans attached to a central wheel, and it spins by..." He trailed off. "It's kind of complicated, and it was more trouble than it was worth, but believe me, what he's talking about is a big mess."

"Anyways, I'm sure if ya had a talk with Zeus he'd give me some time off, an' I could get it taken care of. He's gotta state banquet today, an' that would be tha perfect opportunity." I giggled. "He's gonna make a speech, an' I'm pretty sure I can get him ta screw up when he goes ta say 'I wanna honor your ancestors' an' say instead 'I wanna sleep with your mothahs'."

Ares looked interested, but Joxer slipped an elbow inta his side. His voice was grudging. "It can wait."

Shit. I thought for sure he'd buy that. I was gettin a little desperate. I hadda put some space between me an' Cupe because... Well, there couldn't be a repeat of what happened last night, an' I didn't trust myself. "Well, ya got that rebellion scheduled in tha Sixth Battalion of tha Preatorian Guard. If they aren't gonna think yer directly responsible, I need ta get started now, an'..."

"I can send your mother."

I sat up straighter. "Unc, I thought ya just wanted a little rebellion, not an out-an-out massacre!"

"She'll tone it down. Just concentrate on helping Cupid fix the mess you made."

FLASH

"Gran'pa!"

Bliss squirmed out of Cupid's arms an' bounded toward tha couch. Everyone started yellin an' wavin arms, seein him headed toward Joxer like a runnaway centaur, but he surprised us. By tha time he reached tha couch he skidded to a stop an' gave Joxer's legs a gentle hug. "Hi, Joxie! Can I see the baby?"

Joxer laughed. "Sure, Bliss." He watched as the little boy put his hands carefully on the globe of his stomach, then leaned down an', with an intense look on his face, pressed his ear ta tha swell.

Aftah a minute Bliss grinned an' crowed, "Bump bump bump bump bump."

"That's right, that's the baby's heart."

"Stwife was..."

'I was gonna teach tha kid ta recognize loaded dice, in case Zeus decided ta pluck him, an' I don't mean feathahs." That got me a stare from everyone. "What?"

Ares said, "Strife, I swear, if you teach my grandchild how to cheat at dice..."

"Dad." That one word was cold, an' I'll be damned if Ares didn't stop, but he was obviously pissed.

Cupid gave Joxer a meaningful look, an' he looked back ovah his shoulder at Ares. "Love, help me stand up, would you? I think I'll take my milk out in the garden today." Ares gently helped Joxer to his feet an' materialized a big goblet of milk, handin it to him. "Thank you." Joxer ruffled Bliss's hair. "Bliss, I always give Mjau some of my milk. Would you like to come watch him? He's been trying to catch butterflies in the garden the last couple of days."

"Yeah!"

Joxer gave his hand to the little boy, then looked at me. "Strife, come keep us company."

I started ta say somethin, but Cupe an' Ares both gave me a look, so I trailed along behind and spent a little while watchin tha little black kitten leapin an' pouncin, chasin yellow butterflies around tha garden, an' dodgin Bliss, who was chasin him. I'd materialized a nice, comfy chair an' footstool (he needed ta keep his feet up, so his ankles wouldn't swell) for Joxer, an' I sat on tha grass next ta him. After a little while I felt him pet my hair, an' he said, "Cupid gave Ares what for about you yesterday." I flinched. "Oh, don't worry about that. He had it coming to him." I looked up at him. "Strife, I love Ares, but I'm not blind to his faults. He hasn't been very nice to you over the years."

I picked a blade of grass an' started shreddin it. "He wasn't so bad. He took care of me."

"Strife," Joxer's voice was gentle, "you know what my family life was like. I can recognize screwed up when I see it."

"Yah, I guess ya can. But it coulda been worse. Even at his worst, I knew he loved me. He's just..." I blew out a breath. "Well, he's Ares."

"Yeah."

A little while later a shadow fell across me, an' I looked up ta see Ares standin ovah me. That usually isn't a good thing. I didn't like bein that close ta those boots, even if I had Joxer, Cupe, an' Bliss there as buffers. An' he had such a peculiar look on his face. He was lookin at me like he'd nevah seen be before. I cringed when he reached down for me, but instead of punchin me or tossin me inta tha ornamental pool he... he...

he hugged me!

Oh, geez!

I froze, waitin for him ta rip my intestines out. That smarts like crazy an' it's a real mess ta clean up, an' it can take up to a week ta heal right, so I wasn't lookin forward to it, an' it was tha only reason I could figure for him grabbin me like that.

He whispered. "I didn't know. Strife, I swear to Zeus I didn't know. I thought he was just going to slap you around some, maybe break a bone at the worst. And later when he started being more open with his... his atrocities, I'd forgotten. And you didn't seem so bad afterwards, and you never said anything. If I had known..."

I jerked away from Ares, starin at Cupid. "You told him?"

Cupid shook his head. "I showed him. I just told him to take a look in my mind. It's there now, too, Strife."

"Shit!" I screamed. I collapsed on tha grass, rollin inta a ball again. "Get Bliss outta here! Get him out, before I contaminate him, too!"

I heard tha murmur of voices an' footsteps movin away. In a minute I felt a hand on my back. I didn't even hafta look ta know who it was. I was gettin ta know tha feel of those hands. "Go 'way, Cupe. Ya don't really need me. Ya can get those two back tagethah again without my help." I laughed, an' it was a little hysterical. "Help! Oh, geez. I help like a broken ankle helps an Etruscan dancer."

He started ta pull me inta his arms, an' I tried ta fight him off, an' I didn't have any bettah luck than I'd had any othah time. I ended up layin against his chest with my head tucked inta tha crook of his neck. "I'm sorry, Strife, but he just didn't understand how harmful his treatment has been."

"But he didn't know. He didn't do any of it."

"You were under his protection, and he knew Cezanno wanted to hurt you, he just didn't know how much. And he sent you to him, helpless. Ignorance is a poor excuse, Strife. He should have known his own warlord well enough to know the dangers."

I sighed. "Cupe, ya gotta get Zeus an' Hera ta cut me loose from this an' let me go back ta tha way I was."

He was rubbin my neck, an' his voice was soft. "I don't want to."

I looked up at him. I had ta make him understand. "Don'tcha see, Cupe? I... I'm dangerous. I managed ta keep all that poison inside me for years, so that tha rest of tha world was safe. Then my guard slipped, an' it got ta you. You're gonna have those images an' those feelins inside ya forevah, unless maybe ya can talk tha Fates inta doin some fancy weavin. An' now ya accidentally passed it ta Ares. What happens if he accidentally passes it ta Joxer? It could shock that baby right outta him, an' he may be immortal, but there's no guarantee about tha baby, since it'll be a demigod. An' Bliss. How can ya let me stay around Bliss when ya know what I did?"

"What you did?" Cupid took my chin in his hand an' stared inta my eyes. "Strife, what you did was suffer, and survive. You're so strong."

"Strong? Cupe, I screamed like a girl."

"No, you screamed like a man being tortured beyond endurance."

"I... I did everythin he told me to." Cupe started ta say somethin, an' I interupted. "Yeh, I know. Tha compellin spell. But... but I woulda done it anyway." I remembered tha smell of my own flesh burnin when he scorched his name across my back. "I offered ta do things he didn't even ask for, if he'd just stop hurtin me."

"That's how anyone would have reacted, Strife. Anyone. Hercules. Me. Dad. Anyone. That sort of pain, physical and emotional... It breaks things inside."

I was quiet. "Yah. Ya know, that's kinda how I've felt evah since then. Like I was fulla broken glass, an' it was gonna punch its way through my skin at any minute an' slash whoevah was close."

"Is that why you haven't let anyone get close to you?"

I shrugged an' stated tha obvious. "Cupe, nobody has exactly tried."

"I'm trying."

I looked at him, puzzled. "Yah, you are. Why is that?"

He smiled at me an' said quietly, "Because I'm in love with you."

Recognizin Love

I stared at him. "Wha?"

"You heard me."

"I heard somethin, but I figured I must be havin hallucinations."

"Smart ass."

"Present."

"This is where you're supposed to say 'I love you, too'." I stared at Cupe. He sighed. "You can't say it, can you?"

"Cupe..."

"It's all right, I understand." He leaned down an' kissed me, his mouth movin on mine so soft an' slow.

No, I couldn't say it. I mean, it was true. Ya knew that, right? I thought I had it hid pretty good, but I guess there wasn't any way I coulda kept it from Cupe. Kinda dumb ta think I could, huh?

It was impossible, of course. I mean, ya love someone, ya don't hurt 'em, so there was no way I could let this thing go anywhere. So I pulled away from that nice, warm mouth an' said, "Well, that's... that's nice of ya, Cupe." I slapped his chest. "Yah, nice ta know, buddy. So, it's about time we got back ta this hookin' up business, right?"

"You're going to say it to me, sooner or later."

I climbed outta his lap an' stood up. "Are we goin straight ta Anieli an' Damara, or do I hafta practise some more?"

He stood up. "You can't dodge this forever, Strife."

"I'm pretty fast on my feet when I hafta be."

We started walkin toward tha house ta say good-bye. "You're stubborn."

"A little."

"Calling you a little stubborn is like saying that flood was a light shower."

"Hey, I said I was sorry about that. So I misestimated a little."

"Dad was bored stiff till there were enough people for him to operate, and he drove Aunt Eileithyia and Hera crazy, nagging them to get the world repopulated."

"I kept busy. Ya have no idea how much opportunity there is for mischief in a closed environment like that boat, especially with all tha animals. Why, tha manure gags alone..."

****

He had a little work ta catch up on, so for tha first part of tha day I just followed him around while he zapped people. Well, I didn't just follow him around--I kept my hand in. Turn ovah a milk pail here, blow out a fire there. Thing was that mosta tha folks around my little disasters were fallin in love 'cause of Cupe, so they scarcely noticed. Usually that pisses me off, but I didn't mind.

Early that evening we ended up at a tavern that was fulla mercenaries, wenches, minstrels, an' bards. If ya have evah been around a combination like that ya know what a riot it can be. Heck, it wouldn't take a lot ta turn it inta a real riot, but I was behavin myself. Yah, I know. Strange concept, huh? Anyways, I just kinda enjoyed tha atmosphere. I only tripped one servin wench, an' I made sure she drenched a bard with tha ale instead of a barbarian. That got a good laugh instead of an explosion.

Cupe shook his head. He didn't get a laugh outta it like Mom or Unc would, but he didn't scold me ovah it eithah. Finally I said, "Okay, what are we doin here, Cupe?"

"What do you think?"

I frowned. "Well, I s'pose we're here ta get a couple tagethah."

"Yes. Now, which couple?"

I goggled at him. "How tha fuck am I s'posed ta know?"

"There are signs and symptoms. Look around."

"Aw, geez. Gimme a hint."

"All right. One's a man and the other's a woman."

"Oh, big help." I sighed and started studyin everyone. Signs an' symptoms he said. Well, there was a lotta gropin, leerin, and a good bit of droolin goin on, but ya could see that in every tavern in Greece, so it had ta be somethin else.

Tha bards an' minstrels were all takin turns performin, an' I was kinda half listenin. They knew their audience, and it was all war songs, an' I'd heard enough of them ta last me several millinea, what with workin with Ares. So, when tha ballad started, it kinda caught my attention.

Tha singah was almost skinny, an' nearly as pale as me, but not as good lookin. It was a pretty song, though, an' he had a nice voice.

Oh, now how out of place was this? I'd found tha male half of tha pair, an' it wasn't hard ta find tha female. One of tha servin wenches was just standin on tha othah side of tha room, starin at tha singer with a dreamy look in her blue eyes. Her hair was more yella than gold, an' I don't know if I'd go so far as ta call her skin creamy, but ya remember how Anieli was when he was dreamin about Damara, right? Love kinda polishes people up.

I elbowed Cupid an' pointed. "Him an' her."

He beamed at me, an' I thought I was gonna bust my leathahs, swellin with pride. "Very good, Strife! Now, how would you suggest getting them together?"

"Ah, crap. Ya can't just stick 'em?"

"I could, but there's a simpler way, and it will bring them even closer."

I scowled. "I dunno, Cupe. Tha guy's so shy he won't even talk ta her--he sings at her. An' what with her experiences in this place, she's gonna think he's just comin onta her if he does say anythin."

"I have a way of getting around both of those problems." He held out his hand. "Loan me your knife, please."

Oh, now this was odd. "Why?"

"You'll see. I only need it for a moment." I pulled my knife outta my boot an' handed it to him. He walked up behind tha wench. All tha girls workin in this particular tavern wore tha same outfit. It was sleeveless an' shoulderless. In othah words, backless, an' tha front was just held up by a tie around tha neck. Cupe smiled at me, then flicked tha knife, neatly slicin through tha tie. Tha top dropped. Tha tray an' everything on it dropped. Tha boobs didn't. Yowza.

Tha tray an' tankards made a loud enough noise hittin tha floor. Her screamin sorta assured that she was tha center of attention. Ya nevah heard such a whistlin an' shoutin an stompin. I was speechless. That was a stunt I woulda been proud of, an' I nevah would've credited that Cupe coulda thought it up, much less carried it off. Still, funny as it was, I didn't see how it was gonna get those two tagetha, much less convince tha girl that tha guy was on tha up an' up.

Then tha minstrel jumped offa tha little dias he'd been performin on. He musta known that he couldn't get through tha mob of people, cause he didn't bothah ta try. He jumped from table ta table. Luckily tha plate he stepped in belonged to a mercinary that was too meserized by tha, uh, secondary sexual attributes (sheesh, I feell stupid callin those secondary. They were first class, all tha way) ta notice.

Anyway, while he was jumpin from table ta table, he was whippin off his shirt. Tha girl musta thought she was gonna get nailed right there in tha spilled ale, cause her eyes got as big as tha tray she'd been carryin. But when he landed in fronta her, he gently put tha shirt around her shoulders, pullin it closed. That was a good trick, cause he was so skinny, an she was so blessed that there wasn't a hell of a lot of slack.

There were some boos, but everybody decided ta just be grateful for tha unexpected show, an went back ta drinkin while wunna tha bards started recitin an epic that was sure ta have mosta them snorin in their cups in a little while.

Tha minstrel an' tha wench stood there, starin at each othah. Finally he said, "Are you all right, m' lady?"

Her mouth dropped open for a second. She wasn't used ta bein called 'lady', I s'pose, an' she blushed even deeper than she had when tha top had dropped. But she smiled, an' said, "Yes, sir. Thanks to your kind gallantry. You... you come here often, don't you?"

"I do."

She looked away shyly. "There are other, finer taverns in the area, places where your beautiful singing would be appreciated, where you could earn good coin."

"I like the company here."

She looked around at tha drunken ruffians, then looked at him. He smiled at her, an' she got what he meant. "I must give you your shirt back."

He shrugged. "It's yours. I don't need it. It's been warm lately."

"Oh, but if you go out into the night air without it, you could catch a chill! You'd become hoarse, and you couldn't sing those lovely, lovely songs." Ya could almost see him growin taller with each admirin word.

"Keep it as long as you need."

"I have another blouse in my room. Upstairs." She cut her eyes at him. "But I'm afraid one of these drunks might try to follow me up there."

His narrow chest puffed out. "They won't dare. I'll escort you, m'lady."

"Would you? Thank you so much... I don't know your name."

"Tesko."

"Tesko. My name is Esmerelda."

"Esmerelda." He said tha name like he was tastin it. "What a beautiful name." I looked at Cupe in disbelief, an' he shrugged. "Would you mind if I called you Esme?"

"You mean like a... a pet name?" She smiled shyly. "No."

"Good. You see, while Esmerelda is melifluous, it's hard to rhyme."

She gaped again. "You're going to write a song about me?"

"Esme," he kissed her hand. "Every song I write is about you."

"You really shouldn't go out into that damp air. You know, my bed is big enough for two."

Now it was his turn ta gape. We watched them go upstairs tagethah, an' Cupe nodded. "They'll be checking into one of Hera's temples pretty soon to get married."

"Okay, I don't get it. How did that convince her that he really loved her an' wasn't out for whatevah he could get?"

"Because if he'd just been interested in her body, he'd have stood there and stared like everyone else, wouldn't he?"

Light dawned. "O-h-h. Yeah, I see. Everyone else was just oglin, an' he reacted protectively."

"Yes, when you love someone, you value them, and you try to protect them." Even though tha men were still mutterin an' cursin, an' tha bard was still dronin, tha tavern seemed ta get kinda quiet. "And you just hope that they understand."

Cupe was starin at me, those eyes shiftin shades in tha flicker of lamplight so that I couldn't tell what color they were, an' that made me think of how hard it would be ta write a love song about Cupid, cause ya couldn't very well say his eyes were green an' gold an' blue an' sometimes grey, couldya? An' 'Cupid' would be a real bitch ta try to rhyme.

Well, tha technical part would be hard, anyway. Ya would nevah get it good enough ta actually sing it to him. But, say, if ya was just doin it because ya had ta do it, an' no one was evah gonna hear it but you, cause it said what you felt, an' no one could evah be allowed ta know that...

Somehow I don't think that would be hard at all.

Silent Declaration

cough

I... uh, I apologize for tha soppy poetic stuff at tha end of tha last message. I know ya aren't interested in stuff like that, an' it ain't my style an' all. clears throat I guess hangin with Cupe was startin ta rub off on me. Rub off on me... long pause and dreamy expression Huh? Sorry.

"Okay, what now, Feathahs?"

He smiled at me. "I think you're ready to get down to the real mission now, but it's a little late. Damara has moved back into the temple she serves, and Hera does not approve of men on her home turf at odd hours."

"No kiddin. Tha last guy I heard of sneakin in for a try at some priestess nookie is pullin an ox cart." I shuddered. "An' he's gelded."

"So we'll check on Anieli."

"Great. Where is he?"

Cupid pointed. At first I didn't see what he was indicatin. There was one cornah of tha tavern that wasn't full of wenches, barbarians, or mercenaries. That was because nobody wanted ta get too close ta tha spilled beer an' spew. Yeh, ya heard me right. Beer, half-digested stew, an' stomach bile are not a pleasingly aromatic combination. sniff Erk. Ya can add ta that some heavy duty B.O. Anieli must not have been near a wash basin since the proposed weddin day.

Anieli was at a teeny excuse for a table, just big enough for him ta lay across. He was at present usin it for a prop an' bed. He was face down, an' his hand was still wrapped loosely around a half full tankard. I walked ovah an looked down at him, then back at Cupe. "He's a wreck."

"Losing the one you love will do that to you," he said quietly.

I eyed him. "Well, I s'pose he'll clean up all right, but I gotta tell ya, I don't think he could win back tha affections of a love starved nymphomaniac in tha state he's in right now."

"You'd be surprised. Sometimes pathetic will do it, but right now I think we should just get him out of here and cleaned up, then into bed. We need to start tomorrow, and he's going to be fighting a worse headache than Zeus had just before his skull split and he gave birth to Athena."

"Oo, Cupe, ya mean I gotta touch him? Smelly mortal, ick!"

"Get over it." Cupe grabbed tha back of Anieli's shirt an' peeled him up off tha table. His eyes drifted open, an' he blinked stupidly, starin around. "I suppose we ought to let him see us, or he may freak out."

"Is he capable of thinkin enough ta be freaked out?" I was really interested. I'd nevah seen anyone that drunk an' still able ta manage semi-conscious.

"Maybe, maybe not, but we can't take chances. Do you really want him panicking in the middle of this crowd?"

I thought about tha tendency barbarians have ta gut vomit drenched, smelly drunks when they stumble ovah 'em. "Nah, guess not."

Cupe eased up undah one of his arms. "Then take the other side."

I did, grumblin, "It's a damn good thing I can make new leathahs any time I wanna, cause these are gonna be a total loss. Tha smell will nevah come out."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch."

I got tha feelin that when they saw Anieli stumblin along with his arms thrown out ta his sides at shouldah level, lookin back an forth, that some of tha patrons prob'ly thought they were drunker than they actually were. We staggahed toward tha stairs. I hadda kick a couple of mercineries outta tha way, an' that started a minor fight, cause there was a misunderstandin about whose boot had done tha damage. I say minor cause only a few juicy bruises, a coupla split lips, an' one broken nose came outta it. Small, but it gave me a nice energy boost, an' I needed it, contemplatin what was still ahead.

We got him up tha stairs an' started lookin for his room. Stumbled in on a coupla of real interestin situations. I woulda hung around an' did the spectator bit, but I had work ta do. Luckily tha participants were too preoccupied ta worry about a drunk, so we managed ta ease back out without any altercation starting. We finally located his room an' dropped him on the bed.

I wrinkled my nose. "Cupe, can't we just leave him ta marinate an' come back tomorrah?"

"No, we cannot. Get a tub ready for him, and I'll get rid of the rags."

"Whatevah." I thought up a good sized tub of hot watah. I looked at Anieli, an' added a little more steam. Cupe blinked away tha guy's clothes, but ya'd be amazed at how clingy vomit can be. I took anothah sniff an' added about a pint of rose essence ta tha tub. I knew from bein around Aphrodite that aroma could covah almost anythin if ya used enough of it. "Um, Cupe, ya think ya could get 'im inta tha bath on your own?" I put a hand against tha small of my back an tried ta look pained. "Haulin him up here, I think I strained somethin in my back."

"Right. Get over here." I sighed. That was one problem about havin someone know ya: it's hard ta put somethin ovah on 'em. Ya know, it's hard ta handle a semi-conscious man when you're tryin ta touch him only with your fingertips.

We lowered him inta tha tub, an' luckily it was small enough so he couldn't slide undah an' drown. I looked down, an' tha leathahs were a total loss. "Son of Cerebus! I liked this outfit."

"You can always whip up one just like it."

"It's tha principle of tha thing, Cupe." I sighed an' thought away tha top part of tha outfit, materializin a bar of soap an' a cleaning cloth. "Guess ya expect me ta wash his behind, too, huh?"

Cupid smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Well, since you're ready to do it, go ahead."

Oh, crap. I've been around War long enough, I shoulda remembahed: nevah volunteer for anythin. I knelt beside tha tub, dipped tha soap an' rag, and worked up a good lather. "Shit, Cupe, I don't know where ta start. There's so much that needs ta be done."

"Start at the top and work your way down."

"All right, but I ain't washin his hair. I'll rinse tha puke outta tha ends, but that's as far as I'm goin." I got ta work. He had nice hair: it was really thick, honey colored, an' it woulda been shiny if he'd washed it aftah Damara rolled him in tha dust. I was curious, so I grumbled, but I went ahead an' washed his hair. He woke up a little when tha watah trickled ovah his face, but he still wasn't payin attention.

"Close yer eyes, ya idiot, or you'll get soap in 'em." He did, an' I washed his face. When I rinsed it off he blinked again an' looked at me for tha first time. I kept washin, cleanin off his arms an' shouldahs.

"Dammy?"

He was lookin at me with a bleary, soppy expression. "Huh?"

"Dammy, I knew you couldn't shtay mad at me."

I looked at Cupid. "Fuck, Cupe, he thinks I'm his girl?" Cupid shrugged. "But I'm not even usin a glamour on him, an' I don't look anythin' like tha broad. Boy, he's really fogged."

Anieli reached ovah an' put his arms around my neck. "I'm shorry, schweetheart. Tha' bitch din' mean anythin' to me."

I couldn't help it. "Yah? Looked ta me like she meant at least a double handful."

"Strife!" Cupid's voice was scolding. "Do you want him going right out and getting drunk again?"

"Got news for ya, cuz. He'd hafta sober up before he could get drunk again. Personally, I don't think he can manage ta stand on his own." Just as I finished talkin, Anieli hooked me closah by tha arm around my neck, then kissed me.

ZEUS!

Oh, man, talk about breath! Ugh. An' taste, cause he stuck his tongue in my mouth, too. Lemme tell ya, second hand stew an' brew is not wunna my favorite flavahs. While I was chokin, he grabbed my hand an' pulled it undah tha watah.

I jerked my head back. "Whoa! Uh, Cupe? Maybe he ain't as drunk as I thought. An' as ta not being able ta stand up by himself..." I looked down, then looked up at Cupid. "It all depends on what ya mean by that."

Cupe didn't trasport, but he moved so fast he might as well have. Half a blink an' he was next ta tha tub, pryin' Anieli's arm from around my neck. "Strife, you're not holding on, are you?"

"No."

He jerked Anieli's grip offa my wrist. "Anieli, this isn't Damara, and you have to stop groping."

He blinked at Cupid. "Not Dammy?"

I sat back. "No, dammit, not Dammy."

I reached for tha soap an cloth floatin in tha watah, an Cupid said, "Go sit on the bed, Strife. I'll finish this."

"I could..."

His eyes narrowed. "You're not putting your hands on anyone but me."

My mouth fell open. "I'm not?"

His gaze didn't waver. "No, you're not."

I went an' sat on tha bed, proppin my elbows on my knees an' puttin my chin in my hands, an' watched him finish bathin Anieli. He did it quickly an' efficiently, like someone scrubbin down a table. Then he managed ta get Anieli ta stand up. He blinked him outta tha tub an' inta a huge, fluffy towel. "Okay, off the bed, Strife." I scooted ovah. "I said off."

"G'wan, there's plenty of room."

He said firmly, "Do you think I'm going to put a a naked, horny drunk on the same bed with you? Up!" I got up, an' he tumbled Anieli onta tha bed. Tha guy was snorin before he landed.

I watched him. He still looked pathetic: clean, but pathetic. "Cupe, is he gonna remember any of this?"

"Not much. He's going to think he dreamed it."

"Just as well. It might traumatize him if he realized he'd gotten me ta grope him."

"Why?"

"Cupe, people have nightmares about that."

He stepped closer ta me. "Some people have wet dreams about it, Strife."

I looked at him. "Do they? Can't imagine who. Can ya give me a hint?" He reached out an' ran a fingah down tha center of my chest. "Can ya give me another hint?"

Tha fingah drifted down, circled my navel, an hooked in my pants. He used tha hold to drag me to him, an kissed me. "Clear enough now?"

"I'd like ta buy a vowel." His hand slipped undah my waistband an' went explorin. "Ooh, ah, ee, uhh..." He found what he was lookin for. "Ayie! Ain't it time we got back ta your place?"

He grabbed me... Well, yeah, he had already grabbed me, but this time he put his free arm around me, an'...

FLASH

Cupiedoll landed us right in tha middle of his bed. Damn, he's got good aim. Must be from all that archery practise, huh? Anyway, he said, "We talked about undressing the mortal way the next time. Well, it's the next time. How do I get these things off you?" I pulled my knife outta my boot an' handed it to him. "Strife, are you sure about this?"

I lay back, smilin. "Yah. I didn't make any fastenins when I thought up this outfit, cuz."

He turned tha knife in his hands a coupla times, then said quietly, "I don't want to hurt you."

I answered just as quiet. "Ya won't." Still he hesitated. "You don't hafta do much if ya don't wanna. Just get 'em loose around my hips an' ya can sorta peel me."

He gave me a wicked grin. "Peel off the skin to get to the banana, huh?"

"Oo, you nasty minded thing, you! I'm gonna tell your Ma. She'll be so proud."

He slipped tha tip of tha blade undah my waistband just ovah my left hip, an' paused. "G'wan, it'll be easy. I keep that baby sharp enough ta shave peach fuzz without bruisin tha skin: hone it by hand."

"You don't just think it sharp? Why?"

"I find it relaxin, strokin a piece of fine steel across a whetstone."

"Well, we're probably going to be stroking something steely against something stoney in a few minutes, so I guess it's appropriate."

"Ya been hangin around me too much, Cupe. You're gettin ta be a punnish wise ass."

"Add horny to that description, and there's no such thing as hanging around you too much, Strife."

He moved tha knife, an' I felt a little pull, then tha blade sliced cleanly through tha thin, soft leathah. All Cupe had ta do was pull an' lift, an' tha material parted, neat an' sweet. He sliced a gap down ta where my thigh started, then did tha same on tha othah side. He started ta put aside tha knife, an' I said, "Don't wanna play with it a little more?"

He frowned. "No, I told you I was worried about hurting you. Besides, you're trembling." I hadn't realized that until he mentioned it, but he was right. There was a fine shudder passin through my body. Maybe tha memory of how tha warlord's men had taken turns carvin designs on me was a little freshah than I had thought. Cupid lay down an' pulled me inta his arms an' just held me till tha shakin stopped. Finally when I was layin still against him he whispered, "All right now?" I nodded. "Just relax, Strife. Let me take care of you."

He kissed me, deep an' soft, then started ta kiss his way down my throat, ta my chest. He spent a lot of time on my nipples, lickin, then suckin tha rings inta his mouth an' tuggin on them, very gently. By tha time he moved down... Well, it was a good thing he'd loosened tha material in my crotch area, or I woulda been definitely uncomfortable.

Then he spent what seemed like two or three days on my tummy. I didn't know how it was possible ta feel like I was gonna die from horniness, an still have a gigglin fit, but a tongue in yer belly button will do that to ya.

Finally he took hold of tha split leathah an' slowly worked it down off my hips, then down my legs, an' tossed it, then removed my boots. I had closed my eyes, waitin ta see what he was gonna do next, tryin not ta be nervous. I knew... Dammit, I knew that it wasn't normal ta be so skittish unless I was tha one makin all tha moves, but I couldn't help it.

I'm not sure what I was expectin. Him suckin on my little toe wasn't it, though. I opened my eyes real quick. "Cupe, what tha fuck are ya doin?"

He let it go, givin it a little lick, an said, "I'm learning what you taste like."

"Oh, shit. I'm glad I took a good bath." He smiled, and started lickin tha second toe. By tha time he'd worked his way to tha big toe, I was hard as a rock an' half out of my mind. I know there are some who'd say that's my natural state, but believe me, this was different.

"Cupe," I panted, "Ya gotta stop that." He ran his tongue ovah tha arch of my foot an tickled my ankle. I jerked my leg, but he had a firm grip on my foot, an' didn't seem inclined ta let go. I considered plantin my othah foot against his shouldah or chest an' shovin, but somehow I just couldn't work up tha energy ta do it.

His mouth moved up my calf, an' he spent some time circlin around my kneecap. An' I thought ya hadda rap your knee with a teeny little mallet ta make your leg jump like that. Then he pushed my legs apart an started up tha inside of my thigh. Now he was sorta nibblin as well as kissin an' lickin. I heard a funny sound an' realized that it was me, moanin. An' then...

He stopped--tha cock tease!

Well, he didn't stop, but he stopped movin. He stayed in one place, suckin an' bitin, an' I just got harder an' harder. It hurt a little, but it felt so damn good, too. "Cupe!" There was pleadin in my voice.

He looked up at me, an now his his pupils were so dilated that his eyes looked black, an' his mouth was wet an' a little swollen from all he'd been doin ta me. "Look, Strife." He stroked the inside of my leg gently. There was a livid bruise there, a patch of skin that was as red as Bacchus's best wine, an beginnin ta darken inta tha deep purple of tha grapes that wine was made from. I reached down an touched it, curious. It was tender, hot to tha touch, an damp with his saliva. I looked at him wonderingly. His voice was husky. "It's my mark. When you see it, you'll remember me." His hands started ts slide up my thighs. "I hope that later you'll want to give me one. I want to belong to you."

I felt like I was drownin, flounderin in deep watah. An all tha while I was flailin ta keep my head up, I kept thinkin about how easy it would be, how nice, ta just give up an' sink down inta tha warmth I could feel waitin ta catch me. I opened my mouth, but I couldn't say anythin. I died a coupla times, waitin ta see tha hurt in his eyes, but it nevah showed. He just whispered, "It's all right. You just need time." Then he bent down an' resumed his progress.

But just before he took me in his mouth, I put my hands in his hair, stoppin him. He looked up at me questioningly, an' I said, "Togethah, huh, Cupe?" He smiled an' turned on tha bed, layin on his side with his head toward my feet. I turned on my side ta face him, an' started unlacin his short, brown leathah pants. "Don't ya start without me, cuz." I warned. He was nuzzlin my hip. "Don't ya dare."

"What will you do to me if I do?" His voice was sly.

"I... you..." I took hold of his hips an' pulled him close, so that his hard, beautiful cock was right in fronta me. Then I licked him.

He shuddered an' groaned. "I see--slow torture. Two can play at that game." He proceeded with tha torture. Oh, m-a-a-a-a-n... He was good. He very slowly took me inta his mouth, slidin down my shaft till he had it all, an my balls bumped his chin.

There was a temptation ta just lay there an' whimper, but I also felt like if I didn't get part of him inside me somehow, somewhere, I was gonna die. So I mimicked him, lickin the clear film of pre-come off his cock head before I sucked him deep inta my mouth.

I woulda called it a game, except that we were both fuckin' serious about gettin each othah off. I massaged his balls, he rubbed that sensitive spot just behind my balls, where they join my body. I fluttered an' swirled my tongue, he hummed. He won--I came first, my hips jerkin in short, gentle strokes as my orgasm washed ovah me. It was different than tha othahs I've had: long, an' slow, an' gentle. It felt like it was gonna last forevah. Before I stopped spurtin, Cupid gently pushed even deeper, an' made a little cryin sound as I felt the warm gush of his seed.

He turned back around, crawlin up ta take me in his arms, an' we kissed for a good, long time. Then he pulled me ovah till I was half layin on him again, usin him as a pillow, an' went ta sleep. I waited. I waited till I was sure he was asleep, an then I checked, just ta be double sure. I carefully probed around tha edges of his mind. When I was sure, I went deep inside myself. There are a lot of walls in my mind, not just tha one I built ta hold back tha memories of what had happened with Cezano. I looked till I found tha highest, thickest, strongest one an' got behind it, an' pulled it close around me. Then I checked. I made sure there wasn't a single hole or chink or crack. Then I sat in tha dark, closed my eye in my mind an thought what I couldn't say.

I love ya, Cupe. I love ya so much. I've loved ya farevah, an' I'll keep lovin ya farevah more. But I can't hurt ya, so what am I gonna do?

Tha Secret Comes Out

"Oof!"

Tha sound of air bein forcably expelled woke me up. I opened my eyes in time ta see Bliss makin his second bounce on Cupid, but Cupe caught him before tha weight could land again. "Zeus, son! Are you trying to squash Daddy?" He tossed Bliss at me. "Play with Strife while I go answer the call of nature."

As he left, Bliss squirmed inta my arms an' said, "But I din' hear greatgranma Gaia calling. Did you, Stwife?"

"He meant he needs ta pee, kiddo."

"Oh. Why didn' he say so?"

"Dunno. Maybe he's been hangin around Xena's bard an' tha five dinar words are rubbin off on him." I tickled him till he was almost shakin feathahs loose. Finally he was sorta limp an gigglin, an I just laid there an' held him. It felt nice--I dunno, kinda peaceful. Ya wouldn't think an armful of kid, especially one as rambunctious as Bliss, would do that to ya, but there it was.

Then he reached down an put his hand on my belly. "How's you tummy?"

"Hm? Fine. Not a gurgle or a twinge. Why?"

"Well, you gotta keep your tummy nice for the baby."

I stared at him. "Bliss, whattaya mean by that?"

He petted me some more. "I had the funny dream again." He felt a little more, then frowned. "You don't got no baby in there yet, though."

"I should hope not. What kind of a god do ya think I am?" I flushed. "Okay, don't answer that."

He blinked at me innocently. "Huh?"

I sighed. "Nevah mind, doll. Have ya been eatin figs before ya go ta bed? I hear that'll do it to ya."

"Do what?" Cupid came back inta tha room, looking considerably less tense. Mortal or god, a trip ta tha facilities at tha right moment will change yer entire outlook on life.

Bliss started ta open his mouth an I said, "Keep ya regulah. Regulah is happy. Can't tell ya how much trouble I can stir up just by screwin around with tha roughage in someone's diet." I set Bliss on tha ground. "There ya go. Run an' lighten yer load."

I thought I was gonna make it. Bliss started ta trot outta tha room. Then at the last second he veered ovah, grabbed Cupe's leg an' yammered,"IdreamedStwifehaddababyinhisbelly."

"Shit."

Cupid's eyebrows bunched, an' I could see he was tryin ta translate this from Toddlerspeak. Then those eyebrows shot up, an he looked ovah at me. I flopped back an' pulled tha sheet ovah my head.

"Mom?"

FLASH

"Dear, what on earth are you doing bellowing for me so early in the morning?"

"Take Bliss, please."

"Of course. But why.... Cupid, why is Strife laying there wrapped up like one of those Egyptian doo-hickies?"

"They're called mummies, Mom. He's embarrassed, I think."

"Strife? Embarrassed? Great Hera, I'd have paid to see what could have accomplished that."

"It was Bliss. He..." His voice lowered, an' I couldn't tell what was bein said. I considered flashin out of there, but I thought that might get Cupe pissed, so I just burrowed in a little deepah. I could hear snippets of conversation.

Aphrodite: Bliss, darling, you say mumble

Bliss: Uh-huh. Two times.

Cupid: Two! Honey, why didn't you tell me?

Bliss: I dunno. I was gonna, but Stwife mutter

Aphrodite: Oh, my. Well, you know last time whisper

Cupid: I thought we'd decided that was just because the Chaos stone mumble

Aphrodite: Maybe we were wrong. After all, we've been wrong before. Could he...?

Cupid: No.

Aphrodite: Are you sure, dear?

Cupid: Mom! I think I know what causes it, okay? Definitely not. pause Not yet, anyway. We didn't know anything for sure the last time till mutter

Aphrodite: I guess we'll just have to wait and see. smack Bye, dear. Blissy can sleep over with me tonight. That will give you time to, um, discuss things without chance of interruption. raised voice Goodbye, Strife, dear.

"Bye, Dite."

FLASH

The mattress dipped next to me, an' tha sheet was plucked. "Strife?" I snored. "Nice try. Come out of there."

"Nah. I'm thinkin of changin my look. White drapery, huh? Fuckin classic, right?"

"Charming. Come out of there." I sighed an' uncovahed my face. "Now, were you trying to keep Bliss from telling me about his dream?"

I shrugged. "Well, yer a busy guy, an' we must have lots ta do taday, so I thought I'd just..." I trailed off, seeing his look. "No good, huh?"

"Like a lead dinar. He was trying to tell me about a dream yesterday, too, and you kept interupting. Why?"

"Ah, no specific reason, Cupe. I'm just a rude bastard sometimes." He stared. "Okay, so it was a little embarrassin. I mean, tha kid dreamed I was pregnant. I'm a guy, Cupe."

He folded his arms. "And you're saying that's inappropriate?"

"I... you..." I blew out a breath. "Lemme pull my boot outta my mouth, 'kay? There's nothin wrong with it I mean, grandad did it, an' Joxer is doin it. But those guys were hitched." I picked at tha sheets, not lookin at him. "It ain't tha greatest shakes in tha universe ta be illegitimate, Cupe."

Cupid's expression softened. "That depends a lot on the parents. Your Dad was AWOL, and Eris... Well, she just wasn't ready for motherhood."

"Understatement of tha millenia, cuz. It's just kinda silly, I guess. I mean, aftah all, why should it bothah me? It's just a dream, right?" He didn't say anythin. "Right?" He just looked at me. "Cupe, say 'right'." He bit his lip. "You're scarin me here."

"There's nothing to be scared about, Strife. It's just that..." He hesitated, glancing ostentatiously at tha sundial by tha bed. "Gosh, will you look at the time! We'd better get a move on."

"Waitaminit. You wouldn't let me get away with dodgin like that."

"I'd say we'd better check on Anieli first."

I perked up. "Yah, he must have a booger of a hangovah. This I'd like ta see." I blinked inta my leathahs an', before I realized I was doin it, stepped up ta Cupid an let him put his arms around me. I covahed quickly by saying, "D'ya suppose he upchucked again aftah we left him?"

"I doubt he had anything in his belly. It looked like he'd deposited all of it on the table and his clothes."

'Yeh, but it's tha nothin but stomach acid an' bile ones that are tha real killahs. Ya have no idea how fun it is ta wait till wunna tha mortals thinks he's finished heavin, then send him tha smell of cooked cabbage."

"You're cruel." But he smiled as we flashed.

Anieli was still more or less in tha same position we'd left him: sacked out an' snorin worse than Cerebus with allergies (an you got no idea how noisy that is with tha three heads). I wondahed if Damara knew what she was gettin inta with this log sawer.

I studied him, then materialized a little grey mouse. I watched it run around my palm for a second, thought, an' changed him inta a rat. I looked at Cupe hopefully. "Lemme wake him up?"

"Don't think you can get out of this by scaring him to death, Strife." I sighed an' sent tha rat away. Actually, I sent him ta tha bottom of Gabrielle's knapsack. Tha rat was gonna eat either her parchment or her candy stash, possibly both. Hey, I hadda do it. I hadn't messed with her or Xena for almost a week. They'd think I didn't like 'em anymore if I kept neglectin 'em. snicker

"All right, we do it tha borin way." I stepped up on tha mattress an kicked Anieli's foot. "Wakey, wakey loverboy."

Anieli snorted, then peeled one eye open. It took him a coupla seconds ta focus. I made sure I had my best psychotic bad-ass grin on my face by tha time he did. Tha results were gratifyin.

He leapt up with a yell. That caused him ta run inta Cupe. He turned an' saw tha God of Love, and yelled, "Zeus! No more! Haven't you done enough?" Then he sat down on tha edge of tha bed, holdin his head an' moanin.

I kicked his hip. "Hey, spewboy. Don't go bad mouthin my relations, or you'll think that weddin was a stroll through tha Elysiann Fields when I get through with ya."

He looked up at me an' fliched. "I might have known." He covered his face again. "Why should I worry? I'm at my lowest ebb, my nadir, I've bottomed out. Do your worst, you can't hurt me anymore."

I dropped down beside him on tha bed an' threw my arm around his shoulder. "Anieli, Anieli, Anieli. That is such a fuckin stupid thing ta say. Believe me, ya ain't anywhere near as low as ya could get, an' actually invitin me ta do my worst..." I paused, smilin, "Or I guess in my case, my best, is pretty much a suicide attempt. Such attempts have been known ta succeed."

Cupid sat down on his othah side. "Anieli, what happened was a mistake." He looked at me. I looked back. He sighed. "Strife?"

"Cupe?"

"Go on."

"Go on what?"

He frowned. "You know damn good and well what."

I rolled my eyes. "Sheesh, all right. This is settin a bad presidence, though, I'm warnin ya. Tha very idea: a god apologizin to a mortal." I tried ta arrange my expression ta sincerity. With as much practise as I have fakin it, ya would think it would be easy. "Sorry." Cupid shook his head. "Ah, cripes." I cleared my throat. "Anieli, I'm sorry I busted up yer weddin, even though it was sorta my job, an' no one had warned me that it was..." I noticed Cupid shakin his head again. "It was a nasty thing ta do, but what can I say? I gotta be me. I'm here with Cupe ta fix things up."

"How? If you shatter a delicate vase it will never be the same again."

"Yo, Anieli? I'm a god, right? I can make it tha same."

"Oh." Blink. "Yeah, that's right. So, you can go back in time and undo all the things that drove Damara and I apart?"

"Um, no, I can't. Ya see, that involves all kindsa paradoxes an' anomalies, and tha Chaos Stone, which is dangerous shit, lemme tell ya. Ya think a woman who can think is a hazard, ya nevah dealt with a sentient rock."

"Strife, do I need to remind you that it can read thoughts?" Cupe asked.

I flinched, an' said loudly, "Tha most intelligent, witty, forgivin piece of petrification I evah laid eyes on." I held my breath. When I didn't sprout tentacles or melt inta a puddle of goo, I figured it was all right. "So anyway, we're here ta get ya back tagethah with your sweetie."

He snorted. "I'm through with her. I never want to see her again. Why, I never give her a thought."

"Really?" I mimicked his drunken slur. "Dammy, I'm shorry, shweetheart. I knew you couldn't shtay mad at me."

"That was the mead talking."

"Yah?" I laid a glamour on him. He blinked, an' he was sittin nexta Damara, dream version, nekkid. I smiled at him sweetly an' batted my eyelashes.

"Dammy!"

lunge

"Erk!" I was back on tha bed, an' he was on toppa me almost as quick as if I'd flashed it myself. He was muttering, "I'msorryIloveyouI'msorryIloveyou..."

"Cupe!! He's gotta hard-on!"

Anieli found himself dangling from Cupid's fist, kinda like I had when this whole mess started. "Stop that, Strife. Get back to yourself, right now."

"Sure." I returned ta my usual appearance.

Anieli looked, an' turned kinda green. I thought about bein offended, but decided it was a pretty normal reaction. I quickly materialized a basin an stuck it undah his chin. He hitched, but nothin happened. "Ya oughta go ahead an pitch one last time. You'll feel bettah aftahwards."

"No, it's all right. I don't think I'll..."

"Salt pork." bleughg I sent away tha now full basin, an' materialized a damp rag an' handed it ta him.

"Thanks. I think." He wiped his face. Then I materialized a glass of wine ta take tha taste outta his mouth an' give him a hair of tha dog that bit him in tha ass, an' his tone was more sincere. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

"Okay, so maybe I do want her back. You can't undo what you did, so how am I going to get back with Damara?"

"Ah, now that's tha clevah part!" I looked confidently at Cupid. "Tell him, Cupe." I was interested ta find out myself.

He sighed. "Do you mean to tell me that you haven't even started to come up with a plan?"

I squawked. "Me? You're tha God of Fallin in Love. If I hadda lay a love classification on myself it'd be tha God of Divorce." I paused in thought. "Come ta think of it, that isn't such a bad idea. Who do we submit ideas to: Hera or Zeus?"

"I think the pantheon would have to vote, and stop avoiding the subject. I'll help, of course, but this is your mess--you need to take the lead in cleaning it up."

"Ah, crap! Ya ain't in a hurry ta get it done, are ya?" I jumped up an' started pacin. "Okay, I can do this. I've arranged tha sneakiest, most complicated court intrigues an' international boondoggles ta evah come down tha pipe. They'll hafta go ahead a few dozen centuries ta that Watergate fiasco Cassandra talked about ta see tha like. I can handle this."

I stop an' smoothed my hair back. "Aftah all, I'm an intelligent sorta god." Anieli blinked, and I said ominously, "Ya gotta comment on that?"

"Only wanted to say how accurate it is."

"Ya know, ya may not be tha sharpest knife in tha kitchen, but you're a champion ass kisser. That may come in handy."

I set back down on tha edge of tha bed an' propped my chin in my hands, starin intently at tha wall. Cupid knew what was what, so he just sat down an' started checkin ovah his arrows while he waited. Aftah a moment, though, Anieli got antsy an' said, "What are you doin?"

I gave him a disdainful look. "I'm doin what I'm best at. sport. Plots, plots, plots."

Plots, Plots, Plots

I started tickin ovah tha facts of tha situation. Anieli had gotten ovah his hurt feelins an' wanted back with Damara in tha worst way. What about Damara? She'd been major pissed, with what I considahed ta be a bettah reason than Anieli. Aftah all, Anieli had just gotten his butt kicked by his sweetie in public. That wasn't that uncommon an occurance. If he was worried about tha neighbahs snickerin, well, Hera had temples all ovah tha place, and Damara could transfer out easily enough. Damara's complaint was anothah mattah, though.

She caught tha goof red handed, handlin anothah broad. What kinda excuse could there be for that? I looked at Anieli. "Ya evah considered becomin a devotee of Aesclepius?"

'Huh?"

"Medicine. Healin."

"I don't get you."

"Well, he's tha God of Healin, right? Maybe ya were thinkin about dedicatin yerself ta him, an' ya were tryin ta get a head start on learnin ta diagnose. Anatomy. Ya were givin tha othah broad an exam, dig?"

"Uh..."

I shrugged. "Yah, yer right. Ya woulda had ta have a priestess in attendance. It was a thought. All right. Anieli, what was tha first thing that Damara said ta ya when she walked in on yer fondle session?"

"It was something along the lines of 'You dirty, cheating piece of dog vomit.'"

"Oo. Nice. An' you replied?"

He thought. "Um... I think it was, 'Oh, shit!'"

"Very appropriate. Then?"

"Uh, well..." His ears turned red. "Then she, uh, said a few things about Thessa. I didn't know she knew those kind of words."

I grinned, rememberin. "Yah, salty tongue on that little broad. Then?"

"I told her she shouldn't treat Thessa like that, and..."

"Whoa!" He stopped. "Ya mean ta tell me that ya defended her?"

"Why, yes. After all, she's a lady, and a gentleman doesn't let a lady be insulted, even by another lady, without..."

I held up my hand. "Stop. Ya gotta basic misconception here, sport. Tha girl... Thessa ya say? She ain't a woman, an' she particularly ain't a lady. She's an ex. Got that? She don't even count as a human bein as far as Damara is concerned."

"But that's ridiculous."

"Does Damara have any old boyfriends?"

Anieli's face darkened. "Lorkos." It sounded like he was translatin tha word 'shit' inta anothah language.

"An' if you had evah seen him lockin lips with Damara aftah you two got tagethah?" He turned purple. "Well?"

"I see what you mean." His voice was strangled.

I tapped my knees. "This is not gonna be easy." I sighed. "I think that I'm gonna hafta visit Damara an scope out how she's reactin before I set up any plan. Besides, I think tha first step I'll hafta take will be sorta drastic." I shuddered.

Cupid eyed me anxiously. "Strife, what are you thinking about doing?"

I looked at him sorrowfully. "It's gonna hurt. It's gonna go against my grain as bad as rubbin a cat's fur tha wrong way."

Concerned, he said, "What is it?"

"I... I..." I swallowed, an' steeled myself. "I'm gonna tell her tha truth."

Cupe's eyes got big. "That won't, like, cause the end of the world or anything, will it?"

"Ya can check with tha Fates if yer worried, smart ass, but I don't think so. Might cause a few minah earthquakes in tha provinces, maybe shatter a few things in my temples, but nothin majah." I pointed at Anieli. "You. No more drinkin, ya hear? This is gonna be hard enough without havin ta clean ya up again."

He frowned. "I thought I was in pretty good shape when I woke up. I distinctly remember erping in my lap at least once." He snuck a worried look at me. "So, you, uh, like, zapped me clean?"

I grinned. "How'd ya get that lil scar on yer left butt cheek?"

He turned pale an' whispered, "Sharp rock underwater when I was skinny dipping."

"It's cute." I got up, an' Cupe stood up, too. "Relax, guy." I put my arms around Cupe, who gave him a grin that I could only describe as 'smug'. "Ya aren't up ta tha competition."

FLASH

"I'm gettin bettah at this," I remarked, steppin back. "Must be tha practice." I looked around. "Antechamber?"

He nodded. "Of Damara's temple. I figured it wouldn't be wise to just transport into the inner chambers. Grandma has been so touchy lately."

"I noticed." I went an' jerked the bell pull that hung by tha innah door.

"How did you look close enough to notice a scar on his butt?"

"Oh, for... It's fresh, so it's still kinda pink, okay?"

"Just curious."

"Well, it's not like I was usin an enlargin glass on him."

Cupid muttered, "Well, you might have needed to, if you were looking at his crotch."

My mouth dropped open. "Well, meow!"

A priestess came through tha door, but it wasn't Damara: it was some middle aged broad. She frowned at us. "Yes?"

Most of tha priests an' priestesses of tha othah gods an' goddesses show a little respect ta tha othah dieties, sorta professional courtesy I guess. Not Hera's gals. They take aftah their patroness.

"I need ta talk ta Damara." I could be blunt, too.

"She isn't seeing anyone." Her voice turned cold. "She particularly isn't seeing any males." Then one eyebrow lifted, "Though I suppose you hardly qualify."

Ooo... That earns you a mouse up yer toga, a beetle in yer hair, an' a spider down yer cleavage, all at once, at some date ta be determined latah. I smiled. Cupe looked worried. "Please?"

That surprised her, but she covahed it. "No, she was adamnant about this. Perhaps in a year or two." She turned and went back in.

"All right, I tried tha straight way. Time for subterfuge." I blinked. Cupid stared. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just that... uh... you make a pretty good looking woman."

"Ya think?" I twitched a fold of my flowin robe straight, then flicked a lock of hair back ovah my shouldah. "I'm not usin a glamour cause Hera might sense it. This is just tha usual theatrical stuff." I adjusted my bosum with both hands. "I just gotta hope nothin tears loose at tha wrong moment. I'll tell her I'm wunna my own worshippahs, an' I've sent me with a message. So?," I turned around.

"One thing."

"What?"

"Your lipstick." "Smeared?"

"Not yet." He pulled me inta his arms an' kissed me, hard. "There." He wiped at tha corner of my lips with his thumb. "Now it's fixed."

"Geez, yer all purpose: mess it up, then fix it."

He nuzzled my neck. "I'm good for lots of things."

Tha priestess came back inta tha room. I stepped back an' smacked his face. "You beast!" I ran behind tha priestess, who glared fit ta singe his feathahs. "Thinks just cause he's a Love God he can get away with anythin."

She started ta herd me back inta tha temple, keepin an eye on Cupe. "Come on, dear. He's bad enough, but you might run into that other one." Behind her back I stuck out my tongue at Cupe, an' he mouthed 'You'll pay!'. I was lookin forward to it.

Inside tha priestess said, "Now, who are you, and how can we help you?"

I gave her a soulful look. "I'm Impetua, an' I need ta talk ta someone who can understand what complete dogs all men are."

"Well, here we all know."

I batted my eyelashes. "Someone with personal experience."

"Oh. Uh, let's see... Well, there is one priestess who was cruelly betrayed on her very wedding day."

"She'll do."

"I don't know if she wants to be disturbed."

"Trust me, she'll enjoy commiseratin."

"It's the fourth room down the second hallway, left side."

"Gotcha."

I followed tha directions, an knocked on tha propah door. A voice from inside called out. "Go away."

"Damara, I wanna talk ta ya about a situation involvin scum suckin men."

"I don't feel like talking about it."

I looked both ways an' materialized a bowl of sugared nuts. "I brought candy." Tha door opened, a hand grabbed tha front of my toga (luckily just cloth an' not tha fake boobs) an' dragged me in.

She shut tha door aftah me with one hand an' grabbed a fistful of candy with tha othah. "You'd think a temple full of women would know enough to keep an emergency stash of sweets on hand." She munched. "Who are you?"

"I'm Impetua. I'm wunna Strife's worshippahs."

"Well, you certainly have more than your share of troubles, then." She went an' sat on her bed, an' I sat beside her. "What can I do to help you? Why are you here?" She looked apprehensive. "You're not planning to get married and produce other little mischief worshippers? No offense meant, but that thought scares me worse than the thought of Ares's worshipers multiplying. I mean, you can usually see War coming."

"Thanks. No, I'm thinkin about leavin Strife, an I'm checkin inta my options. I figured worshippin Aphrodite might be kinda fun, or Apollo is awful cute, an I hear he makes tha rounds..." I wiggled my eyebrows, "if ya know what I mean. But first I just had ta come make a clean breast of things ta ya, since ya were so wronged."

She scowled, diggin up anothah handful of candy. "You've got that right. That bastard Anieli, should his memeber shrivel and fall off."

I winced. "Well, he showed bad judgement, but what I meant was tha filthy tricks Strife himself played on ya."

She paused, an almond halfway ta her mouth, then lowahed it. "Granted there was a lot that went wrong that day, but I hardly think I could blame it personally on Strife."

"No?"

"I mean, he's pretty much Ares's toady, right? And Ares wouldn't be concerned with me and Anieli. He isn't even a warrior."

I sorta resented tha 'toady' remark. I prefer 'lackey'. Sounds more dignified. But now was not tha time ta get offended. "Hey, he may not ovah see every little hangnail in tha world, but he does some of tha detail work himself, an your weddin had too many possibilities for him ta pass up. Tha cake, tha ants, tha cat poop..."

She looked thoughtful. "Come to think of it, there was an awful lot happening at once. But it could have just been part of the general stress, too." She sighed heavily. "I blew up like a balloon with it."

"Ya mean tha dress?" She nodded. "Nope, that wasn't you." I mimed makin stitches, then bitin off a thread.

Her mouth dropped open, "You mean he took it in?" I nodded. "I didn't gain weight overnight?" I shook my head. "I'm not fat as a pig?"

"Nope." I eyed tha almost empty candy dish. "Well, not yet."

She carefully put down tha rest of tha sugared nuts. "Okay, that explains a lot." She looked thoughtful.

"Yeh. Anieli was undah tha influence, so ya can't really lay tha blame on him, can ya?"

"I don't see why not."

"I just told ya that Strife was responsible."

Her expression hardened. "I didn't notice anyone holding a knife to his throat while he was palming her."

"I said influenced, not coerced."

"Say, I thought you came here to discuss a personal problem."

"Oh. Uh. Well, my guy isn't very romantic, an' I wondered what I should do about it."

"Has he done anything specific?"

"Yah. Ya know that new celebration--Valentine's Day?"

"Yes. A little frivolous, but a good idea. He didn't get you anything?"

"Oh, he got me somethin, all right. A big copper cookpot."

"What?" Uttah indignation.

"Yah. What should I do?"

"Use it."

"Use it?"

"Yes. Put it over his gourd head and then beat it with a stick."

"Uh, yeah."

"Will that do, dear? I still have a lot of serious sulking and brooding to do."

"That I can undahstand. How long have ya got it scheduled?"

She heaved a sigh. "Not as long as I'd like. They're very understanding here, but, well, I do have duties. I'll be back to my routine tomorrow."

"Okay, that'll make it easiah."

"Beg pardon?"

"Can men get any greasiah?" She really did look miserable. I gave her a peck an' a hug. "Cheer up, hon. Maybe things aren't as dark as ya think."

Her voice was glum. "I don't know. They seem pretty Stygian right now." She looked wistful. "I bet he hasn't eaten anything but junk since we broke up. He never eats vegetables, you know? He'll end up getting soft bones."

I made it out past tha guard dragons an' met up with Cupe outside. "How is she?" he asked.

"Not as fucked up as Anieli, but then I think she's got a bettah support network. Still, that's one sad, stubborn little broad. She won't say it, but she still loves him. Ya don't worry about someone gettin their vitamins if ya hate their guts."

"Have you got a plan yet?"

"I got an idea, but it'll hafta wait till tamorrah or tha next day, when she's out an' about. If it don't work..." I blew out a breath. "I dunno. I may end up chained to a rock with an eagle eatin my liver an' eyes."

"That's not going to happen." Cupid's voice was quiet, but hard.

I kicked a rock. "If it does... Ah, Tartarus. I was gonna ask ya ta bring Bliss ta visit me, but I don't want him seein shit like that."

"Strife." Cupid took my arm. "We can't talk here."

FLASH

I looked around. "What are we doin' back at Ares's temple?"

"We need to have a talk with Dad and Joxer."

"Didn't we already have a talk?"

"I've acquired information I didn't have then." He led me inta tha livin room area, raisin his voice. "Dad? Joxie?" I hearda snarl from tha bedroom, an' grinned at Cupe. He said, "I don't believe it. As big as he is, how could they... Wouldn't it be sort of dangerous?"

"I expect they consulted with Asclepius, an' Unc can get pretty fuckin inventive."

We had a seat, an' a little while latah Unc and Joxer came outta tha bedroom. They were both a little out of breath an' flushed. Cupe kept eyein them as Ares helped Joxer get comfortable, an' finally said, "How...?"

"Spoon fashion," Ares said shortly. "What brings you here, son?"

"Dad, when you were looking after Bliss yesterday, did he tell you about his dream?"

Joxer and Ares exchanged glances. "Yes, he did."

Tha understandin smile Joxer was givin me was makin me nervous. "Kids have crazy dreams. Don't mean a thing."

Ares shrugged. "I have to agree with Strife. Just because I dreamed that Gabrielle grew a long, bushy tail, it doesn't mean it's going to happen."

"Dad, he dreamed it twice, he told me this morning."

They were all quiet, lookin at me. "Stop it." I took a breath. "So he dreamed it twice? So what twice."

"Strife, there's something that we haven't voiced around Olympus," Ares said slowly. He laid his hand on Joxer's swollen tummy, an' Joxer put a hand ovah his. "Bliss dreamed about Joxer getting pregnant. At first we thought it was just the Chaos Stone. That's how Joxie got pregnant, you know. It was granting his wishes, and he wanted to give me a child, bless him." He squeezed Joxer's hand, and received a smile. "Well, Bliss dreamed about Joxer having a baby when no one knew but your grandmother. We figured it was the Chaos Stone's way of granting Joxer's wish for someone to share the knowledge. We figured that the Stone had chosen Bliss because he'd be a comfort to Joxie, but no one was likely to take him seriously. With this, it looks like Bliss may actually be precognisant."

I got up an' paced. "I don't see it. Anyway, I know what causes it, an' there's not a chance. Unless you're Zeus an' can spontaneously generate, it takes two ta tango, an' there's been none of that." Joxer smiled, an' Unc smirked. "Well, yeah, there's been some of that, but not what it would take."

"It isn't necessarily that you're pregnant already," Cupid offered. "It could be a prophetic dream."

"Ain't gonna happen." I stopped movin, feelin really bad about tha sudden, sad look on Cupid's face, but this wasn't somethin I could give on.

Joxer said, "Well, there's no reason why you should worry about it. He dreamed about me three times before I was really certain about it, and three seems to be the significant number in these things. But Strife, if you're really worried about the possibility of being pregnant or getting pregnant, should you be dressed as a woman?"

"Oh." I flashed inta my leathahs. Gotta love tha gods. Tha mortals probably woulda made a stink about my attire before now. "Ya know, it's actually pretty comfortable. I see a lot of possibilites for inventin torture devices for them. Tell me whatcha think of this name: pantyhose."

They thought. Cupid said, "I don't know why, but the very word makes me feel uncomfortable."

"Cool."

I thought about hangin around longah, thinkin that it might be kinda awkward ta be alone with Cupe, but Joxer was cuddlin against Ares in a way that said that whatevah had been interrupted hadn't been resolved ta tha satisfaction of eithah of them, so we flashed back ta Cupid's place.

I managed ta avoid tha subject through suppah, but finally Cupe did away with tha leftovahs an' tha dishes, an' we were left starin at each othah across a bare table. Aftah a little while he started, "Strife..."

I didn't want ta discuss anythin. I know a lot of ways ta distract people, so I used one of tha best. I got up an' walked ovah to him. He didn't speak again as I came closah. I thought tha table out of tha way an' sank down ta my knees in front of him. When I started strokin his thighs he tried again. "Strife..."

"Shh." I moved my hand ta covah his crotch, an gave him a little squeeze.

"But Strife..."

"You just be quiet now, or I'll stop." He closed his mouth, so I opened mine.

He was wearing brown leathah pants, an unlike mine, his had lacins. I undid them part way an' spread them open, exposin an inch of blonde curls. I ruffled them, then eased my fingahs down inta his breeches, feelin until I found his cock an' eased it out slowly, bent, an' took him inta my mouth. Ovah me, I heard him groan quietly, and I started ta tell him physically all tha things I couldn't say with words.

I used every trick an' technique I'd learned from my mortal lovahs, an' they worked just as well with a god. I licked an' sucked, gently ta start with. It wasn't long before he was hard, his cockhead oozin a slightly salty fluid. It was a taste I'd encountered many times before, but somehow it was uniquely Cupid, ya know?

He pulled me up. When I stood, he pulled me against him, his face nuzzlin my belly, his arms around me. As I started ta stroke his hair my clothes disappeared, and he gripped my ass, massagin. He pulled gently, and whispered, "I want you." I felt his fingahs slidin inta tha crease, startin ta spread them, an' I froze, my fist clenchin in his hair.

His voice was questioning. "Baby?"

"Isn't it enough, Cupe? Haven't I given ya enough?"

He looked up at me. "Strife, I just want to..."

"Okay." I pushed away from him, went, an' laid down on tha bed. That's all. I just laid there an' pushed my face inta tha pillow, an waited. I can do this. I love him, an' if this is what he really needs, I can do it. I felt him sit beside me, an' I closed my eyes, an' went behind wunna tha walls in my mind. I waited. There was only one this time, an' it wouldn't last long, an' I knew he wouldn't hurt me any more than he had ta.

Then there was a little scratchin at tha wall. I tried ta ignore it, but it kept up, an' I finally had ta listen. It was faint, but insistant. "Strife, come back. Come on, honey. Come on."

Finally I eased tha wall down, makin just a tiny crack. Tha first thing I realized was that I wasn't hurtin, an' that made me curious, so I came out farthah. Tha next thing I realized was that I was bein held. I could feel Cupid beside me, his arms around me. He was strokin my face. Not openin my eyes I said, "Ya didn't. Why didn't ya, Cupe? I told ya you could. I... I wouldn't mind."

"Oh, Tartarus. Strife, I don't want anything you don't want to give me, can't you understand that?" He kissed me. "It's just... Zeus, they hurt you so bad, I know that. Haven't you ever had...? It doesn't have to hurt, love. You didn't hurt me when we did it. It was wonderful. Magic."

"Sure." My voice was lifeless.

"Strife!" He shook me gently. "Am I going to lie to you about something like that?"

I felt puzzled. "No, I guess not."

He sighed. "Look, I want to do it more for you than for me. It can be so beautiful, that I want you to have that experience. But if you can't... it's all right." He hugged me tighter. "I love you too much to let anything stand between us. We can be happy without it."

His hands smoothed down my body, comin ta rest on my groin. "You're so stressed. Just relax. I'll take care of you this time" he stroked me gently, kissin me, "if you want me to. If you'll let me."

I put my arms around him. "Yah," I whisper. "I'd like that."

So I lay back an closed my eyes, an let him do what he wanted. What I wanted, but couldn't ask for. He moved ovah me, an touched me all ovah, an it wasn't just tha tingly places, like nipples an cock that got ta me. When he ran his fingah along tha crease of my elbow, I started pushin up at him.

He finally put his hands on eithah side of my my face, holdin me, lookin inta my eyes, an started ta move against me. Almost at once I was movin with him, reachin around ta hold him, too. I felt almost desperate, an he musta known it, cause he used his body ta slow me down, making me take time, an' feel.

An' what I feel scared tha hell out of me. I felt good, yeah, but I felt more than that--I felt empty. I'd felt empty a long time, but I'd always managed ta ignore it pretty good. With Cupe on top of me, warm an' alive an' concentratin' on nothin but me, I couldn't push it back as far as I needed to ta ignore it.

An' tha scariest part was that I knew that I could get rid of it, but ta do that... "I can't. I can't."

"Sh. You don't have to. Oh, sweetheart, it's okay. Just let go. You can let go with me." An' I knew that I could, so I did. I just looked at him an' let my orgasm roll ovah me, felt him spill himself against my belly.

He held me as I shivahed, whisperin ta me about how it was enough for him, of course it was enough, anythin I wanted ta give him would be enough. I was ta just not think about it, an go ta sleep. He would be here with me.

I did go ta sleep, eventually. But I did a lot of thinkin before I did. Wonderful, he'd said. Magic. Beautiful.

Beautiful?

He'd said he wouldn't lie ta me, an' I knew that was tha truth, too.

Maybe...

But I had important stuff ta do tamorrah, an' if I didn't work it out, I wasn't likely ta have a chance for anything with Cupe. An' I realized that I wanted ta have somethin with Cupe.

I wanted it real bad.

Tha Dawn of Strategy

Tha next mornin I untangled myself from Cupe an' got up, dressin with a thought. Then I started ta prod his butt, changed my mind, an’ pinched it instead. His yelp was half muffled by his pillow, an’ he rolled ovah, rubbin tha pink patch. "That’s it. I’m reporting you to Hera for abuse."

"Only works if yer inna oh-ficial re-lationship, cuz."

"Oh." He sat up, lookin sad.

I leaned ovah an’ planted a firm kiss on his mouth. "We ain’t official yet, babe."

He started ta smile. "Yet? As in ‘to happen at a future date’?"

"You betcha." I kissed him again. "If ya still want me aftah tha embarrassment I’m probably gonna cause ya before this mess is ovah."

I was still leanin ovah him, an' he wrapped his arms around my neck an' pulled me back on toppa him. "What do you think?" He lifted his hips, an' I felt a firm nudge against my belly.

"I’d say that’s a fair indicatah." I moved ta straddle him an’ started slidin slowly back an’ forth.

"Strife, look at my other relations. Do you honestly think I can’t handle a little scandal? Oo, that’s nice."

We were movin tagethah, findin a nice rhythm, when...

FLASH

squeal "Daddy!"

"Oh, crap!" I rolled offa him just in time ta miss bein’ Bliss-creamed.

There was a titter, then "Oops!"

"For crying out loud, Mom! Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?" Cupe struggled up undah a weight of Bliss, then kissed him on tha tip of his nose. "Hey, baby boy. Did you have a good time with Grandma ‘Dite?"

"Yeah! She lemme play with her potions."

"Mom!"

She waved her hand, "Oh, don’t get ruffled, sweetie. I denatured them before I handed them over. The worst he could have done was inspire a 24 hour crush." She bounced ovah an’ sat on tha edge of tha bed. "Hi, Strife."

"Hey, Dite." I looked at Cupid. "Ya know, I think they have, like, kiddie doors, but I got no idea what we’re gonna do about tha in-laws."

Dite an’ Cupe smiled like sunshine breakin through tha clouds, but Bliss threw his arms around me an’ said, worried, "Stwife! You got laws after you?"

I laughed. "Uh, probably, brat, but don’t worry about it."

He put his hands on my belly with a look of concentration on his face. "Well, you better be careful. You don’t got a baby yet, but when you do you don’t want laws after you."

"Blissy-baby, I don’t wanna disappoint ya, but even if I esd preggers it’d be quite a while before ya could feel tha little booger kickin."

"Yeah, but I’m not feeling for a kick."

Maybe I shouldn’ta pushed it, but I couldn’t resist. "Well, then what are ya feelin for?"

"Mm..." He thought. "Kind of a tickle. Uh, you know sometimes on a cold day when things are all crackly?"

Cupid piped up. "Static. Makes my feathers go every which way."

Bliss nodded. "What he said."

"He’s talking about life force." Dite petted Bliss’s curls. "Sweetie, only the big gods can detect that, and it isn’t easy."

He shrugged. "I knowed with Joxie."

"Can’t argue with that." Cupid grins. "You know that tendency Joxer has to faint? Keeled right over when Bliss asked him how the baby went to the bathroom in his tummy. Dad caught him before he hit the ground, but he still almost had a fit. Say," he bent down to whisper in Bliss’s ear. "Did you have another dream last night, Bliss?"

He nodded vigorously. "Uh huh."

We all leaned forward. He looked at us, round eyed, an’ popped a thumb in his mouth. I pulled it out. "Okay, spill it."

He looked indignant. "Did not spill it! I told Granpa Ares that Mjau did it!"

"Tell us about your dream, honey," Cupid urged.

He giggled. "It was funny!" We held our breath. He giggled again. "Pink bunnies! With funny dark things over their eyes, and playing a drum, and going, and going, and going..."

I looked at him curiously. "Ya know, I’ll hafta remember that. I bet a lot of those little boogers could drive people batty. So..." I cleared my throat. "Was, uh, was I in tha dream?" He shook his head, and I wilted in relief. Well, I wouldn’t have been, would I? We hadn’t done that.

Cupe got up, dressin with a thought. "Mom, could you take Bliss by Demeter’s place for the day?"

Bliss’s bottom lip trembled. "D-a-d!"

I patted Bliss’s cheek. "Hang in there, kiddo. This should be ovah soon, then you ‘n me ‘n your daddy’ll hang tagethah, huh? Maybe have a picnic? I can promise that tha ants an’ flies will stay away. Aftah all, they work for me."

Bliss gave us all sloppy kisses, an’ waved goodbye as Dite flashed off with him. Cupe looked at me an’ said, "Okay. Now what?"

"Geez, cuz," I twitched wunna his feathahs. "I’m wingin it here." He groaned, and rolled his eyes. "Damara is gonna be takin up her ususal chores taday. That’ll give me a chance ta visit her as myself instead of as a broad."

"Okay. Hera’s temple."

He reached for me, an’ I said, "Whoa. It ain’t that I don’t enjoy tha first class ride, Cupe, but I really need ta learn how ta do this right on my own. Ya ain’t gonna be around all tha time."

"I intend to be around most of the time."

"I hope so, too, babe, but we gotta be practical." I held out my hand. "Let’s just latch on, hun?" He looked a little petulant. I took a breath. "Look, I know ya wanna protect me, but some things I hafta do myself, okay? Now come on an’ lemme try. Ya don’t want me ta embarrass myself by whoopsing in front of Bliss or Unc, do ya?"

He smiled as he took my hand. "What about Joxer? You’re not worried about whoopsing in front of him?"

I shrugged. "With tha amount of upchucking he did tha first two months he was preggers? He’d understand."

FLASH

I took one step when we materialized, an’ that was all. There was only tha tiniest lift in my guts, an’ I didn’t come anywhere near spewin. I was proud of myself.

If tha women waitin in tha outah room at tha temple thought it was odd ta see two gods materialize holdin hands, they didn’t say anythin. Well, they wouldn’t, would they? Not if they had good sense, since I was wunna tha gods involved.

Cupid started toward tha innAH door, but I went ovah an’ took a seat on wunna tha benches. Cupid hesitated an’ came back, lookin questionin. "I think I oughta wait my turn. They’re gonna be miffed enough as it is without me tryin ta barge in."

Cupid looked around tha waitin room, and all tha women looked back at him. I don’t blame ‘em. Even though they were there for mAn troubles, Cupid sorta transcended tha whole male/female thing. "It looks like it may be awhile. Would you mind if I went and took care of a few things?"

I waved. "G’wan. Check back by. If I’m not here, I’ll be at tha tavern, talkin ta Anieli."

"Hmph. Well, make sure that all he does is talk." He sparkled outta there.

I met a few curious stares with level looks an’ it wasn’t long before they lost interest in me. Well, mosta them, anyway. Tha little old bird sittin nexta me said, "I think your young man is jealous."

"Ya think?"

"Yes, but of course he has no reason to be."

Now I was curious. "Ya think?"

She nodded. "Why, yes. It’s so obvious that you love him."

Now I was blushin, an’ I could tell that my voice was shy. "Ya think?"

She laughed. "I know you can say something other than that."

I grinned at her. "Ya think?" She laughed again. "Yah, I guess I do love ‘im." I lowered my voice. "Keep it undah yer toga, though, huh? It’s s’posed ta be a secret."

She lowered her voice, too. "You can trust me, dear. I’ve kept a lot of secrets in my life." She cocked her head. "Why are you here? We don’t get many men in here. Usually... uh..." She looked embarrassed.

"Yah, I know. Usually tha men are tha troubles."

"So, why are you here?"

I crossed my legs at tha knee, claspin my hands ovah them. "My time of tha month has been kinda painful lately. I thought maybe they could gimme some advice."

She looked confused for a moment, but perfectly willing ta believe me. "Oh."

"How about you?"

"Oh. Um..." She nervously rubbed her arm. "Well, you see..."

"Wouldn’t happen ta be wunna those secrets ya keep, huh?"

"Um, not exactly..."

I flipped up her sleeve. There were dark marks on her pale skin, almost bracelettin it. I flipped up tha othah sleeve, an’ it was tha same. My eyes narrowed. I’ve sported those same sorta marks enough ta recognize them--fingermarks. Someone had grabbed tha old bird hard. Those sorta marks usually meant that tha bruisee had been given a good shake, too. I said quietly, "Who?"

"I... Well... I really shouldn’t have said anything to my daughter’s husband, but we’d been saving that money for milk for the baby, and... and he never wins when he plays dice, he knows that."

I materialized a quill an’ a sheet of parchment. "What’s his name an’ where does he live?" I was already plannin a list of things ta do to him.

I think she finally realized who I was, an her eyes got big. "Oh, sir. Look, I know he’s not much good, but my girl loves him, and it would be awful hard on her with a baby and no husband."

"Oh, all right." I got rid of tha parchment an' quill. "On one condition. I don’t know how much good they can do ya here. I want ya ta go ta tha Freebitch Tavern, tha one on tha outskirts of town. You’ll find a buncha Amazons drinkin there. I want ya ta tell them just exactly what ya told me. Can ya do that?"

She smiled. "Oh, yes, I can do that. I like Amazons. They’re all such big, healthy girls." She leaned ovah an’ gave me a kiss on tha cheek. "Thank you, dear."

I watched her go, an’ smiled. If I couldn’t take care of tha granny-beatin slimeball, then tha Amazons were tha next best thing. I just wished I could be there ta see what they’d do ta him when they caught him.

I suddenly realized that all tha othah women were watchin me, an' they looked nervous. Eh, it's undahstandable, especially when I smile like that. Damara came out inta tha waitin room and looked around. "Right. Who's next?" Silence, an' they all pointed at me. I wiggled my fingahs an' got up, goin ovah to her. She stared. "Uh... you do know that this is Hera's temple, right?"

"I oughta know my own grandma's place."

"Oh." She cleared her throat. "How can I help you?"

"Yah mean I don't even get a private consultation, like tha rest of tha broads?"

"Well..."

I looked at tha women an' said indignantly, "Now, is that fair?" They all shook their heads so quick an' so hard that hairpins went flyin.

"Oh, all right." She led me inta a little room. I took a seat, an' she sat across from me. "Strife, right?"

"Tha one an' only, an' I wouldn't say 'thank Zeus' about that if I were you."

"I have better sense. What seems to be..." She paused, and looked at me more closely. "Say, do you have a sister?"

"I might. Ya can ask my old man, if ya evah locate him, which is more than me an' Ma were evah able ta do. If ya do find him, be sure ta let me know. He's got a butt kickin that's been gatherin interest."

"Why are you here?"

"Ya had a visit from a broad named Impetua tha othah night?"

She frowned. "Yes, and don't you dare do anything to her. She's a nice girl."

I smoothed my hair. "Thanks. Anyway, ya know what she told ya?"

"Yes. She told me that you were responsible for all the disasters that happened at my wedding."

"And?"

"And I'd like to thank you."

"Huh?" Well, that wasn't what I'd been expectin. "Uh, I don't wanna be rude or anythin, but what tha fuck is that s'posed ta mean?"

"If things had proceeded smoothly, I might have been married to that toad before I found out what a two-timing louse he was."

"But he's not a two-timing louse. Believe me, tha doofus isn't co-ordinated enough ta juggle two dames at one time."

"He was doing all right juggling with one." She made a weighing, tossing motion with both hands.

I winced. That boob-gropin bit was gonna be hard ta get past. I looked her dead in tha eyes. "I snapped her straps an' he was just tryin ta get things back in place."

"Really? I might believe that, if he'd been handling her dress. I haven't yet known any woman who was in danger of having her chest fall off."

I thought about my falsies from last night. "Ya'd be surprised. Anyways, ya see, it wasn't really his fault. I set him up. Hell, he'd have had ta have had his goodies removed ta resist that."

"Feel free to remove them now so no other woman will have to deal with his future infidelities."

"But... but I'm tellin' ya, I practically led him there by his pride an' joy.

" "You can lead a man to nookie, but you can't make him grope."

I was feelin a little desperate. "C'mon, Damara. Haven't you evah been tempted?"

"Yes, but I never succumbed."

"Neithah did he."

"Not from lack of trying."

"Aw, he wasn't gonna do anythin else."

"Yeah, sure."

"Can't ya try ta undahstand?"

"I understand well enough." She stood up. "If you're apologizing, I accept, but if you're trying to get me to forgive Anieli, forget it." She went ta tha door an' opened it. I got up an' started toward it, feelin kinda droopy. Things weren't goin too well. "And you can tell Anieli that if he knew how I felt, he wouldn't prolong this farce by trying to win me back. Good-bye."

I shuffled out. I decided ta walk ovah ta tha tavern, rathah than flashin there. I wanted time ta think. Somethin that she'd said was nigglin at my mind. I thought that I might work somethin out if I could just turn it tha right way, look at it from tha right angle.

See it from tha othah side...

Preparin

I walked ovah ta tha tavern, head down, kickin a stone. I was so distracted that I walked right past a woman bendin ovah an' didn't even goose her. By tha time I thoughta it, she'd stood up, an' it was a missed opportunity. tsk I was gettin sloppy. It was time ta do somethin about this situation.

It was still early, so I had ta pick my way ovah barbarians an' bards--no tavern wenches. They all had enough sense ta get up ta their beds before they passed out. I found Anieli's room. I started ta go on in, but paused an' cocked my head toward tha door.

Oo, there was some interestin sounds in there. Tha sound of flesh pit-pattin against flesh, an' lotsa pants an' groans. Somebody was havin an eye-openah. I listened closah. Tha moanin was all male, an all in tha same voice. Yup. 'Somebody' singular. I grinned an kicked tha door open. I know it's coitus interuptus when yer boinkin an' ya stop suddenly before ya come, but is there a propah term for when ya ahem pull up short while yer doin a solo boogie?

Anieli screamed an' jerked tha sheet up ta his chest. I jumped up on tha bed, standin astraddle his hips, an' grinned down at him. "SURPRISE!" I dropped, landin' on my knees, restin my elbows on his chest an' proppin my chin in my hands. "Miss me?"

"Don't hurt me!"

I rolled my eyes. "Don't tempt me, sweet cheeks." I climbed offa him an' stretched out comfortably. "Ya can go ahead an' finish if ya wanna."

"I... uh, don't want to now."

"Yah?" I reached ovah an' gave him a quick grope. He stiffened, everywhere but where it counts, if ya know what I mean. "Shy, huh? That's okay." I sat up. "Tell me somethin, how d'ya feel about how Damara is takin this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Duh. I mean, how she's reactin."

"She's pissed."

"Duh, squared. How d'ya feel about that?"

"What, you want me to talk about my feelings? Zeus, you sound just like Damara. I suppose that next you'll want me to go sandle shopping with you."

"I'm beginnin ta see what parta tha problem is."

"I think she's blowing this whole incident of... of... uh..."

"Boob squeezin?"

"She's just blowing it way out of proportion. I mean, I hardly had any choice in the matter."

"Uh huh."

"I mean, the girl practically shoved her bosum into my hands."

"Uh huh. Ya know, if I was a broad an' ya tried ta use that excuse on me, I'd probably attempt ta de-nut ya with tha first thing dull an' rusty I could get my hands on."

"I thought you were supposed to be trying to help me?"

"Don't mean I won't call 'em as I see 'em, sport. So, ya say she doesn't understand ya?"

"Yes. It's impossible for her to understand that situation." He crossed his arms an' looked superior. "It's a guy thing." "Say 'ya wouldn't understand' an' win a first class trip ta tha underworld, via Tartarus."

FLASH

"Hiya, Cupe."

"Strife, there's a perfectly good chair on the other side of the room. Either go sit on it, or hand it to me so I can hit him with it."

I got up. "Chill, lover. Nothin doin on this front. Or should I say, with his front? Anyways, we need ta go have a talk with your mom, then Greatgrandma Gaia."

"Damn. Do we have to? She always wants me to weed, or spread manure, or something else icky."

"Dite?"

"Strife..."

"Oh, yeah, like I'd make that mistake."

Anieli piped up. "Excuse me, but aren't you two supposed to be working on..."

Cupid glared at him. "I'd keep my mouth shut, unless I wanted to fall passionately in love with the winner of the Annual Miss Warthog contest." Anieli settled down. Cupe looked back at me. "Well?"

"Gee, yer beautiful when yer angry."

His expression softened. "You're more full of shit than the Aegean Stables before Hercules mucked them out. All right, who do we go see first?"

"Yer Mom. I'm pretty sure she can help me, but if she can't, an' I hafta find anothah way ta do what I want, there wouldn't be any point in seein Gaia." I looked at Anieli. "We're gonna be gone for a little while. If I'm lucky, I'll have a way ta help ya when I get back, so..." I poked at his crotch, "stay outta trouble, huh?"

Cupid glared at Anieli again, grabbed my hand, an'...

FLASH

"Oops!"

"Zeus!" scramble thrash bump

giggle "Hi, sweetie."

"Hi, Mom." Cupid twitched a cornah of tha sheet on tha cloth-covahed, wigglin bundle on tha floor. "Hi, Heph."

"Cupid, if you don't stop doing that you can forget about me helping you with your arrows."

"Sorry." He stuck out his tongue at his mother. "Gotcha back."

"No man should do that unless he really means it, dear. Much as I'd like to think this was a social call, what do you want?"

He made an 'aftah you' gesture at me. "Dite, I need ye

r help." She sat up. "Of course, Strife. What can I do?"

"Well, ya can do some pretty funky stuff with those potions of yours. Have ya evah come up with a gendah reversal potion?"

Her expression softened. "Honey, you don't need that. He loves you just as you are."

I could feel myself blushin. "I know. That isn't why I want it, an' it needs ta be eithah temporary or reversable."

"Well, of course I can help you! I'm almost insulted that you had to ask, something as simple as that. Now, one that teaches men to put the sanitation cloth back on the chamberpots, that's difficult."

She hopped up an' started ta bounce busily toward her potions table, an' I mean bounce. There ain't any bein in creation that can bounce like Dite when she gets goin. Hephastus cleared his throat. "Dite."

She stopped an' turned, waverin in a very interestin mannah, even for someone like me who was in deep lust/love with tha God of Love. "Yes, dear?"

He waved a hand at her, up and down. She looked down at herself, as if puzzled, then gave tha sexiest snort in existence. "Oh, that. What's the problem? We're all family."

"Aphrodite..."

"Oo, he's using my full name. I guess he's serious." She thought on a few square inches of pink guaze, then went on ta tha table an' sat down. "I could give you a permanent potion right now, but the reversable one will take a little concocting, and then you'll need the antidote." She materialized writin materials. Dippin a quill in tha ink, she started scribblin. "One of you boys will need to go vist Grandma Gaia and get me a few supplies."

"No prob," I said. "That was on tha itenerrary anyway. We can go while yer gettin started."

She'd pulled a large golden bowl toward her, an unstoppahed a cut glass flask. Now she was pourin a shimmery lavender liquid inta tha bowl. I saw a butterfly fluttah out of tha flask an' light on wunna Dite's curls. She didn't notice it. "Fine, fine. Give her my love. Cupid, be a good boy and don't whine about whatever little chores she wants you to do."

He groaned, an' we held hands an' flashed.

Have ya evah been ta Gaia's place? It's fantastic, if ya like nature. I can handle it for short periods of time, then tha fuzzy woodland creatures get on my nerves an' I start thinkin about how good their hides would look tanned, with some snazzy polished steel ornaments.

Gaia was in tha middle of wunna her flower beds. She usually favahs thing in tha wild state, but she does a lot of special cultivatin, producin new varieties of flowers an' stuff. Right then she was frownin, examinin a rose bush that was loaded down with huge, baby-butt pink flowers. When she saw us, though, she came ovah, smilin. "Cupid!" She hugged him, an he woofed. "Strife!" She went ta hug me, an' I braced myself. She's tha one who taught that manuever ta tha grizzly bears.

When I'd got back enough of my breath ta do more than wheeze, I said, "I need yer help, ma'am." Yeah, that's right, I said ma'am. It ain't nice ta fool with Mothaj Nature. Ain't safe, eithah.

She smiled ruefully. "I didn't think it was just a social call." She gave Cupe an accusatory look. "No one seems to visit me just to chat." He looked down, pickin at a feathah. "What can I do for you, dear?"

"Okay, don't say no before ya hear me out, right? I..."

"If this is going to take any time at all, Cupid, be a dear and go to that rose bush. It has a nasty infestation of slugs, and I want you to pick them off for me before they eat it."

"Ew! You want me to touch those things?"

"Ya don't gotta do that." I materialized a sack of salt an' started ta hand it ta him.

Gaia stopped me, sayin sternly, "I should say not!" She materialized a jar an' a pair of tweezers, then handed them ta Cupe. "Put them in here. They'll do nicely to suppliment the chickens' diet."

I shuddered as Cupid dispiritedly started toward tha rose bushes. "Ya know, that was entirely more than I needed ta know. I think I ain't gonna be eatin any chicken for awhile."

"Get over it, dear. What did you want to ask me?"

I took a breath. "Well, ya see, it's like this..." I explained tha whole situation.

She got a good giggle about tha cat crap in tha boots. She ain't such a stuffy old broad as some people think. "Yes, that is quite a mess, but how can I help you?"

I told her about my visits ta Damara an' Anieli taday, an' just what they'd said. "So I need some supplies for Dite." I handed ovah tha scroll.

She studied it, an' said, "Hm. Oh, these are no problem." She held out her hand, an' a loaded basket appeared.

I took it. "I was also wonderin if ya could let me borrow tha Chaos Stone, just for a few minutes. I promise I won't do anythin but this one specific thing."

"Now that's more of a problem. I still don't understand what you intend to do. How will traveling back in time help? And you know how dangerous it is to change anything."

"Nothin is gonna change. This is gonna be a strictly observational trip. Ya see, I have Dite workin on a potion, an'..." Aftah I finished explainin things ta her I said nervously, "So, whatta ya think?" If she wouldn't loan me tha stone, tha idea was a bust, an I'd hafta start all ovah again.

"What do I think? What do I think?" I started ta flinch, but she just grabbed me an gave me a big, smackin kiss. "I think it's brillian! In fact, I think something similar should be a pre-requisite for getting married. I think it should be required by law for everyone. It'd certainly smooth out relations between the sexes."

"Yah, but that would cut down on a lot of business."

She sighed. "True. And I suppose life would get a little boring. All right, dearie." She materialized tha Chaos Stone an' handed it ovah to me. "Only to that single place and timeframe you mentioned. No fiddling around with anything else."

"Ya got it." I gave her a kiss on tha cheek. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it, just come by more often, will you?" She glanced ovah at where Cupid, a disgusted look on his face, was droppin somethin little, green, an wigglin inta tha jar. "Bring him with you," She smiled. "and the baby."

My eyes got as round as shields. "You... how... I..." I stared down at my tummy, which was still flat as a board undah tha leathah.

She chuckled. "No, not yet, dear. But you know that I can't be fooled about fertility of any kind," She passed a hand ovah my belly. "and you and Cupid will have to figure something out if you don't want a passel of little godlings in no time at all." She frowned. "Or would that be a gaggle of godlings?"

"A worship?" I offered.

"A divinity?" She shrugged. "In any case, you're going to be a fecund little thing."

Oh, just what I wanted ta hear. "Right. Lovely. I'll talk ta Hippolyta about gettin a girdle. Cupe!"

He came ovah, holdin tha jar an' tweezers with tha tips of his fingahs, an' handed them ovah ta Gaia. "Here you go."

"Did you get them all?"

"All I could reach." He held out his arms an' showed her several nasty lookin scratches. "I don't want anything like these unless they're on my back and I got them doing something a hell of a lot more pleasant than gathering slugs." He healed himself, kissed her, grabbed my hand, an' flashed us back ta Dite's place.

As we showed up, I ran a fingah down his now smooth arm. "A coupla nice gauntlets woulda taken care of that."

"Yes, but I wanted the scratches."

"Huh? Cupe, since when are you inta S and M?"

"I'm not, but I figured if she saw me slashed up, maybe she'd feel guilty enough to refrain from loading me with chores the next time I came over."

We looked at each othah, then shook our heads tagethah, sayin in stereo, "Nah."

I walked ovah to tha work table, sayin, "Got your stuff." Dite was in tha process of decantin somethin sparkly inta anothah bottle. "Hey, I thought ya needed this ta finish tha potion."

She took up a tiny bottle that had an eyedropper on top, an' carefully squeezed two drops inta tha bottle, then corked it an shook it. "I didn't say that. I just said that I needed some supplies. You're both just precious for running that errand. The last time I went my nails were simply ruined when she had me work on the compost heap." Opening tha bottle again, she examined tha cork. "Ah."

I'm always ready ta learn somethin. Ya nevah know what might be turned ta mischief. "What did that last ingredient do?"

"That? Oh, it turned it the prettiest shade of pink."

I blinked. "Ya mean ya added coloring?"

"But darling, it was just plain old boring white without it. Don't you agree that pink is much nicer?" I shoulda known. Dite's philosophy is 'Make it pink, unless it will be inappropriate and look totally ridiculous. Then make it pink anyway.' She corked tha bottle again an passed it ovah, then handed ovah anotha smallah bottle. "And the antidote. Now, don't let anyone who hasn't had the gender switch drink the anti-dote. They'll change, and since it's an anti-dote, there isn't any anti-dote for it."

"Couldn't ya just give 'em another gender switch potion?"

"No, because the potion is meant to cause a situation, not cure it, and since the person would have taken an anti-dote before taking the actual..." She frowned. "My head hurts. You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

snicker "Sorry, but ya can't expect me ta pass up an easy shot."

"I suppose not. Just be careful with those things, and don't let any of either get away from you. Remember, you're dealing with mortals here. Any screw up will get made into a story, passed down mouth-to-mouth through generation upon generation, and the next thing you know the tale of your embarrassment is being pushed down the throat of some bored highschool student in literature class. I see she gave you the Chaos Stone. Now will you tell me exactly what you plan?"

"Nah."

I grabbed Cupid's hand, hearin her yell "Tease!" just as we went...

FLASH

Cleanin Up

During the gender switch, the name before the / is the original character, the one after it is the gender assumed.

This time tha floor of tha tavern was barbarian an’ bard free. Tha place was empty except for one wench who was busy tryin ta scrub up tha previous night’s upchuck. I was so focussed on gettin ta Anieli’s room that I almost missed a perfect opportunity. I had ta turn back so I could kick ovah tha scrub bucket. giggle I tell ya, when it comes ta swearin, these tavern wenches can give sailors a run for their money.

I just walked right in again, though I didn’t kick tha door open this time. Anieli was sittin on tha edge of tha bed. I grinned at him, and he quickly covahed his crotch. Anothah little curlycue in tha rep. "Hiya, Hotstuff. Ya been good while I was gone?"

"Uh... yes."

"Crap. Ya gotta do better’n that." I sat by him. When he started ta slide away, I grabbed him casually by tha back of tha neck. "Chill. Ya’d think I made ya uncomfortable."

"Oh, no. Nothing like that!" He was sweatin.

"That’s good, ‘cause I’m tha one who has yer future happiness in his hot lil’ hands. I got good news for ya, Anieli--I got a plan."

He wilted. "Well, thank Zeus for that! It... uh... it doesn’t involve... like, blood sacrifices, or anything, does it?"

"Nah. Why, d'ya have an idea that would? Cause I’m always interested in new techniques." He shook his head vigorously. "Too bad. I like ta bring Mom a tidbit now an’ then. No, this won’t involve blood. Unless..." I thought, "Damara wasn’t on her monthlies on yer formah weddin day, was she?"

"Shit, I hope not. That would have kicked holy hell out of the wedding night, wouldn’t it?"

"I dunno. It can add an interestin facet to tha procedings." He gaped at me. "Some of my worshippers are a wee bit kinky, ‘kay? This should just involve some time, maybe a little bit of embarrassment, an’ ahem, a little alteration of appearance. Think ya can handle that?"

"For Damara? Sure."

I slapped his back. "My man!"

FLASH

"Excuse me??"

"Uh... good guy?" Cupid scowled. I smacked Anieli on tha head. "Idiot!"

Cupid looked mollified. "Are you ready to get on with this, Strife?" He cast another hard look at poor Anieli. "I’d just as soon you got your involvement with this mortal over and done with."

I stood up. "Yah. We need ta take Dummy here ta Hera’s temple."

They both winced. Cupe said, "Strife, are you sure about that? You aren’t exactly Hera’s favorite person right now."

"Aw, hell, Cupe, let’s be honest. I’ve nevah been, an’ am nevah likely ta be her favorite person. But I wanna get her permission on my little project. I think it’ll be much, much safer."

"Oh, all right."

Anielie jumped up an’ started ta edge toward the door. "Hera? Uh... look, maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all. Being a bachelor isn’t all that bad. I can..."

Cupid took hold of my arm, then grabbed Anieli’s collar with tha othah, an'...

FLASH

Anieli staggahed a coupla feet away an’ lost his last meal on tha white-an'-gold marble floor. It was kinda comfortin ta know that I wasn’t tha only one who had problems with tha transportin bit.

"Oh, Tartarus! Now you’re importing mortals to befoul my home." There was a crackle of energy buildin up, an’ I started lookin for somewhere ta hide.

"Grandma, stop it!" Tha crackle died, an’ Cupid cleaned up Anieli’s mess with a wave. "Honestly. You’d think you had to do the cleaning by hand, the way you fuss."

Hera frowned, but she didn’t work up anothah powahbolt. She pointed at Anieli. "What is that?"

I dared ta pipe up. "Dontcha recogize him? That’s wunna tha mortals who got me in so much trouble."

Hera squinted at him. "Oh, yes--Anieli, the cheat." Damn, do ya know Anieli managed ta turn paler than me? "Why is he here? Come to that, why are you here?"

"Well, tha plan I've figured out ta clear this mess up involves Damara, too, an' I thought ya might be miffed if I just sorta snatched her away."

Hera's eyes narrowed into slits. "How very astute of you. I assume this means that you wish me to bring her here?"

I nodded. "This won't take too very long, but I gotta have botha them in tha same room at tha same time, an' compared ta that feat, Jerkulese cleanin out tha Aegean stables was a walk inna grove."

"Hm. Well, I really want to get this straightened out, so I suppose..."

Damara appeared before us. She squealed and dropped tha handful of candied figs she was nibblin. I shook my head. "Sweetie, ya really need ta hold up on tha sweets an' starches, or that wedding toga really will be too tight."

She glared at Anieli, and her nose went up in tha air. "That's of no concern to me, since I don't ever intend to use it!"

Anieli frowned. Uh-oh. I could see that Damara's attitude was gettin his attitude up. "That's fine, because I wouldn't marry you if..."

I stomped on his foot. I got a dirty look from Anieli, but he shut up. Hera an' Damara looked pleased.

I cleared my throat. "I suppose yer wonderin why I called ya all here t'day. I have discovahed tha identity of tha murderah, an'... No, wait. Wrong plotline. Um, as ya are all aware, things went pretty screwy at Damara an' Anieli's weddin. Yeah, my fault. All my fault." Damara started ta open her mouth, an' I said, "Yah, I know, I know. That doesn't mattah ta ya." Anieli started ta say somethin an' I said, "An' ya just keep yer yap shut. Sure, yer not entirely responsible for what happened, but ya ain't pure as tha driven snow, eithah."

I paced. "I spoke ta both of ya, an' ya both made comments about how tha othah one just didn't understand how ya felt about tha mattah. How they couldn't undahstand. Well, maybe ya had a point. It's damn hard for a woman ta undahstand things from a male perspective, an' vice-versa. So, I decided that tha only possible chance of you two evah havin a chance of reconcilin was for ya ta walk a mile in each othah's sandals."

Anieli's forehead puckered. "But I'll never be able to get into her sandals, and mine will just fall off her."

I looked at Hera. "Are ya sure ya want her ta marry him?" She shrugged. "We're talkin figurative here, ya literal bozo. You two have ta look at things from tha other one's point of view."

Damara was shaking her head. "Actually, I've tried that, and I still don't have any sympathy whatsoever for..."

I was shakin my head, smilin. "Uh, uh, uh. In this case, ya ain't thinkin literally enough. There ain't gonna be any pretendin." I materialized two cups of wine on wunna Hera's tables, then pulled out tha bottle of potion Aphrodite had given me an poured half of it in each one. I waved at them, "Drink up, you two."

Damara looked at Hera, who nodded. Reluctantly, she drank tha wine. Anieli was shakin his head. "There's no way I'm drinking that. There's no telling what..."

I materialized a funnel and looked at Cupid. "Grab him." Anieli drank tha wine.

I pulled out tha Chaos Stone an' whispered ta it. "Look, I know I've been a stupid shit with ya in tha past, but this is important, an' it's for a good cause. I need tha gender switch ta be specific, if ya can do it. Damara for Anieli, Anieli for Damara. 'Kay?"

I heard a falsatto shriek mingle with a bass yell. Damara was lookin in horror as her bazooms shrank. Anieli was lookin in considerably greater horror as said boobs grew on his formerly flat chest. Body hair sprouted an' receeded, tha same with hair. Bones got more delicate, and heavier. In about a minute we had what looked like Anieli in a fetchingly feminine toga, an' what looked like Damara in leathah breeches an' shirt.

Niethah of 'em fainted--I give 'em credit for that. Damara/Anieli looked at Hera beseechingly. "What have I done to deserve this?" Anieli/Damara was starin down at his new breasts in astonishment. He started ta touch them, but I slapped his hands down before tha real Damara could see that an' get even more pissed.

"Don't spaz out, you two. This is temporary--it'll only last an hour or so. I'm gonna send you two through what happened on that day, an' ya ain't gonna be able ta change anythin. This is just so ya can see what it was tha othah one was feelin on that day. Hopefully you two will be able ta forgive each othah, and make up."

"Fat chance," Damara/Anieli said.

"Let's get this over with," said Anieli/Damara.

"All right." I held up tha Chaos Stone. "C'mon, baby. Help me pull my butt outta this crack."

I was stratled when Cupe laid his hand on tha stone and added, "Yes, please. I've gotten awful fond of that butt."

FLASH

It was tha Day of Tha Big Foul-up. I was standin beside Damara's bed. Layin in that bed, wrapped in a fairly presentable female package, was a guy named Anieli. I made sure I did tha trip invisible, cause... Well, I really didn't want ta try ta explain ta myself what was goin on. I might try ta altah what I had already done, an' things were fucked up enough as it was.

I peeked inta my victim's mind. Anieli was kinda standin back, watchin, big-eyed, as Damara and he... uh, her image of him, did somethin really interestin involvin honey. Mm... I shoulda gone ahead an' peeked at her thoughts that day. I mentally poked him. "So?"

"I had no idea she thought about doing stuff like that with me."

"Flatterin, huh?"

"I guess so."

"Ya guess? Crap, Anieli, this is her fantasy! She coulda fantasized about anyone--Iphicles, Adonis, Narcissus, Hercules... bleh! Forget that. Bad mental image. The thing is, she fantasized about you."

"You're right." Anieli started ta scratch. "Does she have a heat rash, or something?"

"Gotta go."

I zipped ovah ta tha groom's house an' poked inta hi/r mind. Damara was sittin back, watchin Anieli's image of her, an' lookin pretty smug. "I think he's being a little flattering about me. I'm sure that I'm not quite that thin."

I almost said, 'Not aftah those binges ya went on at tha temple', but hey, sometimes I can control my mouth. Tha changes started, an pretty soon she looked like a cross between an ogre an' a hippo.

She turned green. "This is what he thought of me?"

"Nah. This is what I showed him, an' he didn't run. Think about it, he saw ya lookin worse than ya evah possibly will, an' he still wanted ta marry ya. I'd say ya don't have anythin ta worry about when ya get that first grey hair, or if ya keep those saddlebags aftah ya have yer first kid."

I saw tha look she gave me, an' stepped back quickly ta watch myself do my thing. When s/he woke up with a cat ass in hi/r face, then stepped in tha kitty poop I'd put in hi/r sandals, Damara seemed a little more understandin of why Anieli wanted ta strangle Fluffy. Now, gettin a woman ta forgive ya for somethin involvin her cat is a major victory.

Damara shuddahed in sympathy when Anieli got a mouthful of spiked snicker (I still like that one) wine, and Anieli almost puked when he sampled a teeny corner of tha salt laced cake. Both came ta see that there were a lot of outside stresses at work that day.

When Damara confronted Anieli about Fluffy, she listend ta her own shrillness, an' winced. Anieli listened ta his own excuses an' butt kissin an' got a little disgusted with himself.

Anieli was puzzled by her panicked reaction ta tha tight dress. "She could have just worn one of her regular dresses, and I would have been happy. Why is she so upset?" Then he listened ta her thoughts, an' looked at me in astonishment. "She's worried that I won't want to marry her because she gained some weight? I don't care about that. Tartarus, I'd even like it if she had a little more flesh on her to cuddle. My gosh, would she really have postponed the wedding just for that?"

"She really cares about what ya think of her, Anieli. Hopefully she'll realize that she doesn't hafta be perfect ta have ya love her."

Tha crisis point was comin up. I went ta stand near Anieli as his old flame sidled up. Damara, in his mind, bristled. It's a good thing she wasn't in control of Anieli's body, or she'd have torn tha wench's eyes out on tha spot. "He isn't happy to see her," she said doubtfully. "Not at all. He's really uncomfortable. He's... he's worried that I'll be hurt if I see him with her."

"He don't love her, kiddo. He nevah did. She was funsies. Yer keepsies."

"Oh, he dumped her! I always thought it was the other way around."

"Nope. An' you'll notice that she's using guilt ta get him ta have a private talk with her. Remember that--guilt is a terrific lever."

Once in tha back room she started ta hang all ovah him. Damara was fumin, but she was mutterin about 'that hussy', an not Anieli. Good sign. Then my otha self gave him that little crotch massage.

Damara gasped. "Oh--my--gods!"

"Feels pretty good, don't it?"

"Good? GOOD?"

"Heard ya tha first time. Ya see now, don't ya? It kinda shuts down tha brain when tha blood starts running south."

"I... yes... Wow."

"Dammy?"

"Huh?"

"Have ya noticed that ya have yer hands on her boobs?"

"I do?"

"Yah. Ya know, ya bettah get here pretty quick, or ya may develope lesbian tendencies. Uh... or somethin like that. An' have ya noticed that ya have better boobs than she does? Hold that thought."

I zipped off ta Anieli... Damara... Crap, ya know what I mean. My otha self was whisperin ta hi/r about tha present location of tha groom. Anieli told me, "I... she feels just awful, and she thinks that if she can just find me and have a hug, I'll make it all better." His eyes were tearing up. "She's going to find me groping another woman."

They converged. Anieli felt Damara's shock an' hurt. Damara felt Anieli's horror an' embarassment, an' grief at causing her pain. Anieli felt Damara's grief flame inta rage. Damara's ears burned, and she felt cut ta tha quick by tha hurtful names Anieli was bein called. S/he felt tha need ta explain, an tha frustration an' anger when s/he wasn't allowed ta.

Anieli felt a funny sorta pride as Damara kicked tha othah woman's butt. "Man, she's tough, and she's fighting for me!"

Damara thought, "How dare she touch my Anieli?"

When it was ovah, they both started in on each othah. Neithah one really wanted ta fight, but both were afflicted with hurt pride, an' things just got hotter 'n hotter till...

FLASH

We were back in Hera's temple. Anieli an' Damara were starin at each othah. Anieli (in Damara's body) burst inta tears. "Baby, I'm sorry! Take me back and I'll never think with my cock again!"

Damara (yeah, in Anieli's body) said, "Oh darling, I'm so sorry!"

They rushed inta each othah's arms. It was real interestin there for a minute when they started ta change back. They kissed, an hugged, an kissed, an...

I poked Anieli. "Hey! Get a room!"

They pulled apart, but not very far apart. Hera, for once not lookin grim, smiled and said, "I take it you two are ready to finalize this?" They nodded. "Well, I think that we have enough witnesses for this to be official." She raised her hand and intoned, "Be it known that Anieli and Damara are joined as man and wife, for so long as they both shall live." She lowered her hand and said in her normal voice. "And if you two decide you want to do a re-committment ceremony so that your family and friends can be present, I think I can guarantee you that it will go off without a hitch." She stared at me. I whistled an' looked at tha ceiling.

She waved her hand, an' they were gone. "I just sent them to a nice little honeymoon cottage. They won't want to deal with the outside world for awhile. Now," she held out her hand, "please give me the Chaos Stone before you blow up Olympus." I handed it ovah. "I'll get this back to Gaia."

"So." I rubbed my toe on tha floor. "Is that it? I mean, I fixed it, right?"

She was silent. Cupid said, "Grandma."

Hera sighed. "Yes, Strife, you fixed it. You're off the hook." I almost fainted when she gave me a tiny, grim smile. "Actually, that was very resourceful. Well done."

I ducked, coverin my head with my arms. Cupid grabbed my shoulder, sayin, "Strife! What's wrong?"

"I'm waitin for tha world ta come to an end."

Hera snorted. "If that's all, I have things to do. There's a woman in Thrace who's expecting triplets, and I'm hoping to avoid a Joxer, Jett, Jace type situation this time." She flashed out.

I wilted down onta a bench. Cupid sat beside me, puttin his arms around me. I rested my head on his shouldah, an he covahed me protectively with his wing. "I nevah wanta go through somethin like that again in my long, long life."

Cupe was runnin a fingah up an' down my arm. "It had its moments."

I tipped my head up at him. "Yah, it did."

He squeezed me. "I'm glad it happened. If it hadn't, I don't know how long it would have been before I got up the nerve to tell you how I feel."

"I nevah would have."

"I wish I could make you see how special you are. I wish you could feel how much I love you."

I wiped my nose an sat up straightah. "Yah, well, as much as I love ya, I'm not doin a body switch. I wouldn't look good as a blonde, no mattah what Deimos thinks." I reached up an ran a hand through his hair. "But I think there is somethin in this 'see what it's like for tha otha person thingy.'"

"Yeah?"

I touched my forehead ta his an' took a breath. "Ya told me it could be beautiful. Would ya show me, Cupe? Would ya make love to me?"

He went very, very quiet. Finally he said, "Strife, are you sure? Please, baby, don't do this because you think you have to, for me."

"Cupe," I whispered, "I hate ta break it ta ya, but I'm a selfish bastard. I want this for me, too. Take me back ta yer temple."

He held me even closah, kissed me softly, an'...

FLASH

Comin Home

FLASH We were back in Cupid's temple on Olympus, sittin on tha edge of his bed. He was gazin inta my eyes, but he looked away from me for a minute, starin up at tha ceilin. I heard a faint buzz of energy, an' realized he was puttin a protective shield around tha temple. No one but tha strongest god or goddess would be able ta get through, an' they'd hafta work at it, givin us plenty of advanced notice.

He looked back at me, smilin, an' his eyes were doin that beautiful shift, shading from grey ta gold. "Now at least we don't have to worry about Bliss landing on top of us at an inopportune moment."

"I love tha kid, but his timin sucks."

"We'll work on that." He stroked my face. "We have a lot of time to teach him manners. That is, if you want to."

"Ya mean if I want ta be another daddy ta him?" Cupid nodded. I could tell that he was a little apprehensive about this. "Aw, Cupe, hell yeah. I told ya I love tha squirt. I love him almost as much as I love his old man." I cocked my head. "Different ways, though."

Cupid laughed an' kissed me lightly. I smiled at him an' licked my lips, an' his eyes got darker, his smile fadin a little. When he kissed me again I opened my mouth an' flicked my tongue out. He met it with his own tongue, an' we began a sorta slow, oral wrestlin match. Thing was, no mattah who ahem got tha upper hand, we were both winnahs.

While we kissed, Cupid's hands roved ovah my torso. He had really clevah fingers from makin all those arrows, I guess, because he was managin ta find all tha fastenins, an' he was gettin them open without slowin down.

As he started ta peel off my top, I started ta work on his harness, gettin tha straps loose, so that I could pull off his quivah. Pretty soon we were both naked to tha waist, an' that gave us both lots of othah things ta keep us occupied.

Cupid wrapped his arms around me an' dropped ovah onta his side, pullin me with him. He kissed his way along my jaw, then sorta latched onta a little patch of skin just below tha curve of my jaw an' started suckin an' bitin it. It wasn't even an official errogenous zone, but he was makin my legs jerk. I could feel it bruising, feel tha blood risin ta

tha surface. Then Cupid gave tha spot a final lick, an' a kiss. He cradled my head in his hands and pulled my face down ta tha same spot on his own neck. I kissed him there, but moved farthah down, ta where his neck curved inta his shoulder. I bit him lightly, then started ta suck an' nibble. He kept runnin his hands through my hair, spikin it even more than usual. He was pressed against me, an' I could feel his cock start ta grow in his leathah breeches, stiffenin against my belly.

When I pulled back his skin was slick with my saliva, an' there was a mark tha color of a ripe cherry. He touched it, then touched the achin spot on my own neck. We would have an official joinin ceremony a few days latah, with all tha family an' a handful of mortal friends ta celebrate an' wish us well, but I count that moment, theamoment we looked at tha marks we'd placed on each othah, ta be tha moment that our life tagethah began.

Cupid pushed me ovah onta my back an' bent ta kiss tha hollow of my throat. He kissed his way down, an' veered ovah ta the right ta lick my right nipple. It stays half erect, with tha ring, but it perked right up ta full pout tha second he touched it. He sucked it inta his mouth, gently tuggin' at tha othah one, an' I squirmed with pleasure.

I had ta touch him, too. I got my hands on his chest an' slid them around till I found his little buds, already firm. Then I tickled an' squeezed, playin with them till they were like pebbles, an' I could feel his breath startin ta hitch.

Then my pants an' boots were gone, an' so were Cupe's. I honestly don't know which wunna us it was who did it. I asked Cupe latah, an' he wasn't sure, eithah. It was just like we were workin as one entity, an' I s'pose that's how it's s'posed ta be--sometimes.

Cupid moved ovah me, stretchin himself along my body. I was hard as a rock, an' I groaned when I felt Cupid's arousal slide against mine. "Oh, fuck, Cupe," I whispered. "I love ya. I love ya so much."

"Love you, too, Strife," Cupid murmured. He moved against me. "I want you so bad. I need you, baby."

Suddenly there was somethin different. I felt a smooth slide as my buttocks moved tagethah with my wigglin. Anothah advantage of bein a god. I had been oiled with a thought. No havin ta fumble around for pots an' jars, just blink! an yer good ta go. I said, "Oo, nice an' warm. Thanks, sweety."

"I still need to help you open up, Strife." He moved off me, then gave my hard cock a lovin squeeze. "Lay on your side and bend your upper leg."

"You don't want...?

"That position will be easiest for your first time. You won't have to worry about staying up, and I won't have to worry about smushing you."

So I turned ovah on my side, an' Cupe moved up behind me. He took hold of my ass, kneadin. I closed my eyes. Any othah times someone had done somethin like that, tha memories had started. It could've been tha nicest, friendliest little grope session evah, but suddenly...

Suddenly it would've been all dark an' cold. It would've been fire, an' blood, an' rippin pain, an' ugly, sneerin faces, an' hateful voices tellin' me how useless I was, even as a whore. An' I would've eithah gone ballistic, or curled up inta a whimperin ball of pain. That didn't happen this time. There was a soft glow in tha room, an' all I felt was warm, an' loved, an' so fuckin good.

Still, when he parted my cheeks, I tensed a little. I couldn't help it. I felt him rubbin little circles at tha small of my back, an' he said, "It's all right, love. No hurry. We can take as much time as you need. Let me help you relax."

My buttocks were spread widah, an' I felt a puff of air across my hole, then a warm, wet touch. I stiffened even more, sayin, "Aw, Cupe. I don't believe this." It was true, though. He licked me slowly, tracin around tha hole, pressing hard enough ta feel tha springy ring of muscle undah tha skin. I was shiverin in ecstasy. Oh, it felt good!

Then tha tip of his tongue came ta rest right at tha center of tha little crinkle, an' he pushed. I whimpahed as his tongue slid inta me. He kept doin it, pullin back an' pushin in deepah, till he was fuckin me with his tongue. I was so hard I coulda pried clams open with my dick.

Then tha tongue was gone, an' somethin slimmer an' longer slid in, probin deepah. When Cupid gripped my hip with one hand, I realized that it was his fingah. It didn't hurt at all, an' I hadn't had time ta get worried, or tense back up. Boom, there is was, up my fundament, an' feelin pretty damn good, lemme tell ya.

He held still, sayin, "Is that all right, Strife?"

I growled, "No. It's too damn still. Move it."

He laughed, an' pumped tha finger back an' forth. I growled again an' tried ta push back at him. "No, wait, hon. I know you're anxious, but really, we don't want to go too fast. Hold on, now, and I'll give you two."

I held my breath as he pulled out, then worked two fingahs inta me. Now I was feelin stretched. I hadn't had anyone, or anything up there since that horrible night, an' I might as well have been cherry, for all tha give my flesh had, but still it didn't hurt.

He stroked his fingahs in an' out, then whispered, "Strife, I'm going to try to find your special spot. Hold on, it may be a little intense."

"I'm not sure I have one, Cupe. Or maybe it just don't work right." I could feel him crookin his fingahs, feelin along tha inner walls of my body. He pushed deepah, an' his fingahtips passed ovah a spot they hadn't touched before, an' I came unglued. If he hadn't been holdin onta me, I swear, I woulda bucked right offa him.

"Strife, are you..." I shoved back at him, wigglin. Cupe didn't laugh, but he had a kinda pleased tone to his voice. "I guess you're all right, then."

"I will be if ya do that again."

"Oh, no. He's going to be demanding." Cupe can do fake agrieved almost as good as I can. "Your wish, and all that."

He did it again. Oh, man! He mighta been tha one with wings, but right then I felt like I could fly, an' if his fingahs felt that good...

I was about ta ask him ta go ahead, but I s'pose great minds think alike, or some shit like that, because he pulled his fingahs out an' moved up close behind me. I felt an even hottah, smoothah touch, somethin broad an' rounded prod my back entrance. He said, "Strife, I love you. Breath."

I breathed. He pushed. My whole world changed.

I can't explain it ta ya. It's like... like flyin. Ya can't understand what it's like until it's happened ta ya, an' yeah, it's happened ta me. Ya wouldn't believe how strong Cupe is when he's motivated. No, I ain't tellin ya. That's anothah story.

It felt good, yeah. It felt great. But it was also...

Shit. I've nevah been considered profound. I ain't wunna tha gods people pray to for deep, philosophical reasons, 'kay? All I can say is that a hell of a lot more than my body was involved in this.

I'd nevah experienced this act without pain an' terror. Now I felt nothin but Cupid, lovin me. That night when I was raped an' abused, they tore somethin outta me. It left a gapin hole, way deep inside. I hid it as best I could, but it just kept erodin. Day aftah day people would chip or tear away anothah little piece. I'm not sayin they did it on purpose, but it happend. If it had kept goin on, eventually I would have been hollow. Nothin but my skin, coverin a big, empty hurt. Now, all of a sudden, that empty place wasn't there any more. It was filled.

He moved slowly, gently, his strokes long. He reached around an' gripped my cock, strokin me an' whisperin in my ear. He told me how long he'd loved me, how long he'd wanted ta do this, how he'd been afraid that I'd run, an' he'd nevah have anothah chance.

I didn't realize I was cryin till he reached up ta touch my face, and said, "Baby! Oh, damn, I didn't mean..."

He started ta pull away, but I reached back an' grabbed at him. "Don't ya stop, Cupe! Ya beautiful, dumb blonde, aintcha ever heard of tears of joy? Don't stop."

An' he didn't. He kept movin inside me, an tha pleasure kept buildin. Finally he said, "I can't hold it anymore."

"Don't. Give it ta me, Cupe."

He groaned, an I felt tha first hot gush. That did it. I came, too. I felt like I'd nevah, evah had a climax before, or that I was experincin all that I'd evah had all ovah again.

When it was ovah he turned me on my back an' kissed tha wet tracks on my cheeks. I think I surprised him when I gave him a big grin, but he smiled back. I kissed him back, put my arms around him, an said, "If ya don't marry me, I'm sicin' Ma on ya."

He almost fell off tha bed laughin.

So we got married, an I pretty much live at his place. I make token appearances at my temple.

We had a nice committment ceremony. Ya shoulda seen tha look on Gabrielle an Xena's faces when we zapped them inta Hera's temple for tha wingding. Hercules an' Iolaus took it bettah. I guess stupified an' silent can be considered bettah than surprised an' mouthy.

It was good that we did it when we did, because Joxer had his baby just a coupla days aftah. No, ya ain't findin out what it was. Maybe some othah time. Nyah.

Tha last of this story? Oh, yeah. That happened this mornin--three weeks aftah tha wedding.

We got anothah Bliss attack in bed. That holdin spell on his bedroom ain't workin too well. Maybe if we just make it so it lets him out at a certain time...

Where was I? Sorry, bein a daddy can be distractin sometimes. An' that's what this is about, too.

So, Bliss torpedoed us again. We was wrestlin, like we usually do. He was gigglin, an he said, "Can I listen to your tummy?"

"Ah, geez, kid, I dunno. I'm feelin a little queasy taday. Why ya wanna do that?"

"Cause I had a dream last night."

Cupid looked at him, then looked at me. I said. "Sure. Go ahead, squirt."

He laid his head on my belly, turnin his ear to me, an got real still. He got this really, really intent look on his face. Then he looked up at me an sorta petted my tummy. "Is it all right if I still come in your bed in the morning if I'm really, really careful?"

I bent down an' looked him right in tha eyes. "Bliss, baby boy, what did ya dream about last night?"

He smiled sweetly, placed his hand on my belly, an said, "Bump, bump, bump."

I'm kinda proud of myself that I didn't faint. I did throw up, but then again, mornin' sickness is a bitch.

The End