Show it comes from: Xena Warrior Princess

Title: Hidden Heart

Author: Adalisa

Feedback: I love it. It's inspiring... and let's face it, it's the only real reason to keep writing.

Distribution: My site, WWOMB, Joxerotica if they want it. Anyone else, just ask.

Summary: One of Ares' Warlords has a secret.

Rating: G

Disclaimer: Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer belong to Renassainse Pictures. Ares and Aphrodite belong to mythology and Greek culture. I am not making any money out of this, really. I don't even get to hold them a little while. So please, don't sue. With the peso-dollar exchange, you would end up loosing money if I paid.

Content: Joxer/Ares, Joxer/Other

Warning: This has m/m. You've been warned, so don't complain.

Spoilers: Callisto, Girls Just Wanna have fun, The Quill is Mightier

Notes: This nice plot bunny came to me while I was thinking about 'The Convert' and I watched 'Callisto'. Maybe it's a little weird, but...well... I couldn't resist. I have some problems with continuity, since I haven't seen any episodes between 'Return of Callisto' and 'The Quill'... but I'm almost sure that Ares had never seen Joxer face to face until the Quill, so I hope that's right.

HIDDEN HEART

By Adalisa

"I can not do this anymore, My Lord." The young warlord said, as he placed his sword on the temple cold floor. "I am unworthy of Your favor."

"No one walks away from me, and you should know it." The god of War was watching His follower with attention. He had been one of His most fervent worshippers since a very young age, and one of His best warriors. The mortal's name was not sung by bards, neither whispered in fear... but that was because the warlord never took credit for his campaigns. All he did was in Ares' name, loosing his own identity as a person... The mortals called him Ares' Hand. The god couldn't really afford to loose such devotion.

Not after loosing Xena.

"I will not, My Lord." The warlord answered, his eyes cast down. When had been the last time that Ares had gazed into the dark eyes of His mortal follower? The god couldn't remember. But it had been when the mortal was young. A child. "My foolish life will end before I refuse to obey you."

The mortal lifted his knife, a beautiful crafted weapon that had been used on many sacrifices to the god of War, placing it right above his heart. Then he sighed, and pushed.

Only Ares' quick reflexes stopped him from ending his life there. The god was not amused by His warlord's actions, and this was mirrored in His dark, expressive eyes. "Your life is not yours to take it by your own hand." The mortal almost looked up, startled upon his god's reaction. "What has brought this stupid idea to your mind? You have always been My most trustworthy general."

The mortal paused, looking at the tiles that adorned the floor of the temple. He had never expected to hear... concern... intertwined with Ares' voice. "My Lord... I am not worthy of that title. I betrayed my bows to you."

This made the god's frown grow, as He searched in His memory for any insight into the mortal's words. It was foolish, absurd. His warlord had always obeyed Him, putting everything aside to do His bidding.

Family.

Mortal ties.

Love.

And then it came to Him. A flash of inspiration, to say it that way. For the best part of a year, His warlord had fallen in love with a young bard. The young man had a voice worthy of the muses' protection, but that was all his usefulness. The bard couldn't rise a sword to defend himself, nor walk without tripping. But his warlord hadn't seen this. He had loved the bard with all his heart.

And even so, he never faltered on his devotion towards Ares.

"Hyrias died." The god said, flatly, waiting for a reaction from the mortal. An angry reaction, like what Xena would have.

"I killed him." However, the Warlord's answer was equally flat, devoid of all emotion. "I sent him away, knowing that my heart shouldn't be divided. He thought that I meant that he needed to be a warrior so I could accept him..." The warlord couldn't continue, as his voice began cracking. He didn't want to offend Ares by crying in His temple." I beg of you, My Lord. Allow me to end my worthless life."

Ares considered it for a moment, confused by His mortal's actions and thoughts. He didn't want to loose His general, but it seemed that every path He followed would lead Him to that. If He allowed him to take his life, the mortal would be on Hades' realm. If He forced him to continue fighting, the mortal would become careless, and surely die on the first battle.

He was loosing His faithful warlord, and somehow the loss hurt him as much as His Daughter's rejection.

But Xena's name brought light to a different path. An option so wild that He had not allowed to think about it until now.

"You will not take your life. That is My right, should I choose to use it." The god walked towards His warlord, kneeling at his side. As he did, he took the mortal's chin, lifting it to force him to look straight into His eyes. The Warlord's eyes were brown, deep and filled with sadness.

"I cannot kill anymore, My Lord." The mortal said, his voice shaking lightly. He was not used to see Ares straight to the eye, and tried to avoid that intimate contact. But the god's hand stopped him. "Please, do not ask me to kill, for I have no strength to obey, nor want to dishonor you further."

Ares almost laughed at this. The devotion of His mortal was endless, and without rival. "I have a different mission for you now. The last mission I'll have for you... if by the time it ends you still want to leave my service." As the mortal opened his mouth, Ares placed a leather-encased finger over the warlord's lips, indicating him to stay silent. "But I will only allow that... If you can carry it out without shedding blood, and without your rank as My warlord."

* * *

The former warlord walked into Callisto's lair, pushed by two mercenaries. He was certain that if he wanted he could overpower not only the two brutes, but also the female warrior. But that was not the path he had chosen. To do so would reveal his identity as Ares' warrior, and he had promised that he wouldn't betray his Lord's trust.

"I've come to offer you my services." He said, as soon as the woman placed her unbelieving eyes upon his form. Callisto looked as if someone had told her a senseless joke, and that was good. It meant that he was not being recognized... That Xena hadn't spurn him earlier because she knew who he was, but because he looked stupid, useless and easily forgotten.

Which meant that he could fulfill his promise to Ares, just as the god wanted him to.

* * *

Everything had gone as planned, more or less. Xena had defeated Callisto, with the minimum help needed from him. The main trouble was the blonde girl who accompanied the Warrior Princess... Gabrielle was a good fighter, a noble person. But she was not a warrior, and this could be easily lead to her being used as bait by Xena's many enemies.

It had been when she had been captured when the former Warlord knew that his mission was not going to be easy, and most definitively was not going to be short.

Xena didn't want him around, so things were even more complicated.

Although he hadn't dare to follow Xena close enough to hear them talking, in the time he spend tied up to a stake as the legendary warrior fought the madwoman, he had found Xena's weakest point.

Gabrielle, the peace loving girl who dreamed to be a bard, and who had not killed him after defeating him in a mock battle.

The girl he had to separate from Xena, no matter what.

Knowing that neither woman would want him around, the former warlord who now posed as a fool had decided to wait a few days before following their tracks. He stopped by the temple of Ares, but didn't dare to go inside, unsure if he was still welcomed there.

He kneeled down, near one of the walls, obvlious to the mocking stares of passing villagers.

"My Lord, forgive me my intrusion, as I know You do not have any reason to listen to my foolish rambling anymore. But I have to offer my thanks for allowing me to live a new day, to continue fighting for You... for allowing me to serve You without shedding blood. For my life, I thank You, and I swear to continue serving you for as long as you need me."

* * *

Defeating the Bachaees had been a lot harder. Xena _really_ didn't want him around, and Gabrielle... she had been even more annoying than the last time.

If it hadn't been because Hyrias had taught him to play the lyre, Ares' warlord would have failed in his mission. For not being there.

And it was very hard to play the fool.

How much he had wanted to slap the silly blonde when she had been dancing with the Bachaees? Or to tell Xena that her friend had been bitten, even if he told Gabrielle that the Warrior Princess had been the one who would turn against them? But that would have been against Ares' wishes.

So he had kept silent, faking that he didn't know anything, running away when the Dryads attacked, only to defeat the monster where no one could see him. And even so, he hadn't been able to kill it. His sword, that had always been ready to serve the god of War, couldn't even shed evil blood.

Once again, Gabrielle had almost caused Xena's defeat. Orpheus had tried to make him strike the final blow... Kill the blonde bard, maybe still in time to free Ares' daughter from her influence... But he hadn't been able.

Killing Gabrielle, killing any Bachaee, meant to spill blood. And every time he thought of that, he saw the body of his beloved Hyrias, cold, lifeless, in the battlefield.

But Ares had protected him. Ares had allowed him to fight, without spilling blood.

And he had been able to play the lyre again. To play the songs that had warmed his heart when Hyrias lived. To close his eyes and imagine that Hyrias was still at his side, that nothing had happened. Of course, he had played badly... being a good player was against his role. But even so, to hear those sounds again had been more than enough.

Alone again, he went to his god's temple. He kneeled on the empty steps of the back entrance, where neither the priests, nor the warriors could interrupt him. After leaving Xena and Gabrielle, he had bought a lyre. Not as fancy as Orpheus, but not as cheap and useless as his new weapons. And in the steps of the temple of his god, he began to play, without singing, thanking Ares for allowing him to live another day.

* * *

Ares stared at His warlord, filled with shock.

A year had passed since He had forced the warlord to make the vow of protecting Xena, without her knowledge. A year in which He hadn't seen or heard more than the prayers of His Chosen mortal. Prayers that never told Ares much of what his warlord was doing.

Prayers that had not prepared him to the sight that greeted Him when He lost His powers and god-status because of that thrice damned blonde fool who accompanied His daughter.

His warlord, garbed with an armor that seemed like something out of a bad joke and would not protect him from the weakest strike, a helmet that would probably hurt more than protect... His eyes pale and seemingly lost.

Things got no better when he read what the blonde bard had written on the scroll, the reason why His warlord was there.

'Gabrielle woke up with a jerk.' And His warlord pretended not to understand why Aphrodite laughed... That shocked the god of War even more.

In a year, the mighty warrior known as Ares' Hand had become a pitiful fool, the plaything for the blonde bard who hadn't even thought of introducing the mortal to the now powerless gods.

The day had been nightmarish. Not for His new mortal state. Not because He had to suffer the blonde's annoying blabber. He could even stand the unwanted attention of Meiyan and 'Dite's constant troubles with the mortal's ways.

It had been His warlord the one who had made the day unbearable. Ares had never imagined the kind of indignity that His follower suffered day after day in his quest to protect Xena. The jerk remark had been one of the kindest, as Gabrielle treated him as a dog or a slave, never even considering for a moment his words of advice.

And the warlord's ill-fated attempt at poetry was still a painful thorn in His immortal heart. Knowing that once again His Warlord had fallen in love with a blond bard was almost unthinkable.

As the night closed on them, and they readied the camp, He had tried to talk to His sister. But 'Dite had been too absorbed on her situation, and her only answer had been a very cryptic one. Still, she swore that none of her spells had touched 'Gabrielle's fool', not since the mess with the two kingdoms and the wedding.

Ares tried to sleep, to no avail. It was only because of that that He heard when His warlord left the camp when no one else noticed. The powerless god followed the mortal back to the town, and watched how he changed his sheath for a cheap necklace.

Seeing that, Ares felt His heart boil with rage. That sheath had been the only survivor from His warlord's former armor. A gift from Ares to His faithful servant.

A servant who wasn't that faithful anymore.

"Your mission was not to win that fool's heart, _Joxer_" Ares said out loud, spitting the warlord's name. A name that He hadn't used in years when addressing His servant, and that the warlord himself seemed to have forgotten under Ares' service. No one was there to heard them, and the god of War wanted to know what had happened to the proud warrior who only bowed to His wishes.

"My Lord." With those simple words, the mortal's demeanor changed immediately, as he kneeled in front of the god, eyes cast down.

"Why are you doing this, _Joxer_?" Ares asked again, grabbing the mortal's chin to force him to look up. "Xena is not here, and the scroll magic doesn't forbids you from going away. You are not tied to Gabrielle's whims."

"But Xena is." The former warlord answered. In any other situations, Ares would have been shocked to hear Joxer address Him with that tone, the tone that pointed an obvious mistake on a strategy. But in that moment, the god felt a wave of relief ran through his now mortal body. Because he had seen that behind the mask of the fool, His warlord was still as cunning as ever. "What will happen if she cannot do more than fish? If she cannot defend herself from an enemy because her body refuses to do anything that is not fishing? I cannot leave Gabrielle's side until the spell is broken, because only then I will know for sure that Xena is safe."

"And the poem? The gifts? Why are you so eager to win the bard's heart?" Ares questioned again. "Is it because she reminds you of Hyrias?"

As soon as the words left the god's mouth, He regretted them. The pain that they brought to Joxer's heart was obvious, almost a physical wave emanated from the mortal's body. But Joxer didn't complain, didn't rage against Him. "She... is very much like him. As he became my weak point, she is Xena's. Everyone knows that to make Xena loose her mind and go out in a fit of rage is to kidnap or hurt Gabrielle. But if the bard dies, Xena will go on a rampage, and it would end on her death. To protect Xena, I must protect Gabrielle... and I was running out of excuses to travel with them, since they both despise me." Then, the former warlord sighed, standing up. "When I loved Hyrias, my heart was divided, My Lord. But that is on the past. It won't happen again. My life will only be devoted to follow Your orders, until I die."

Then Joxer was gone, and Ares was left alone to think about His follower's words.

* * *

As soon as Her powers returned, Aprhodite knew that Ares would question Her again. For that reason only, she decided to disappear quickly, going to one of Her almost abandoned temples.

The goddess of Love didn't want to face Her younger brother, or to try and explain Him why She had manipulated Joxer's life so much.

Because it had been Her the one who arranged Joxer's and Hyrias' meeting, hoping that the young bard could sway the Warlord away from his chosen path long enough for Ares to realize the truth. It had been Her the one who had guided the spear that had killed Hyrias, hoping that Joxer's pain was enough for Ares to realize the truth.

It had been Her the one who gave Bliss Cupid's bow, and carefully instructed Her grandson to hit Gabrielle with one of the arrows.

And Joxer hadn't appeared at Gabrielle's side because of the jerk remark. It had been the goddess the one who had summoned the former Warlord, hoping that if Ares was watching, He realized the terrible mistake He had made. With a wave of Her hand, She invoked three screening mirrors. In one, She could see Jett, the assassin. She never cared much for the apparently heartless killer, except to insure that no one ever fell in love with him. It was against the nature of the King of Assassins to have someone at his side. Besides, all of Jett's love was for his brothers. It had been Jett the one who first prayed to Her, asking that Joxer found someone who could give him love when he found out that his brother was Ares' Hand. Aphrodite had been surprised then... because no one knew who Ares' first Warlord was until then, and Jett had only told Her. He had kept his brother's second secret.

In the second mirror, Jayce image brought a smile to Her face. Jayce had always been Her favorite, right since he could walk. And Jayce was the one who knew his brother's first secret. He also knew the second, but had kept quiet for reasons of his own. It was Jayce the one who prayed to Her everyday, to ask for Joxer's happiness.

It had always amazed Her the loyalty that the brothers had for each other, even when they hadn't meet in years. Because Joxer also prayed to Her, not as often as Jayce, but more than Jett, always asking for joy in his brothers' life.

In the third, she could see Joxer, walking behind Xena, Argos and Gabrielle, his eyes cast down. Things had not gone the way She intended, and for that She felt guilty. Since Joxer's birth, She had known that his heart was a precious treasure, capable of endless love, endless loyalty. But She had been careless, and let all that love and devotion find a person who didn't realize what He had. For that mistake, Joxer had lost everything, when he had showed the object of his love all his devotion. And when She had tried to set things right, everything seemed to become more complicated... Joxer's beloved not only didn't realize what the warlord felt, He even managed to hurt the mortal without knowing.

Sighing, She let the first mirrors disappear, focusing on Joxer's pale figure. "Do not fear, Joxie. I'll find a way to set things right... I'll help you hide your heart, to keep it away from pain. And somehow, everything will be all right..."

But not even She could forget that time was running short.

The End
-Hidden Heart