Title: J-Xio

Author: Adalisa

Email: marioz@spin.com.mx

Feedback: I love it. It's inspiring... and let's face it, it's the only real reason to keep writing.

Distribution: My site, anyone else, just ask.

Website: http://members.tripod.com/luxshine/

Show it comes from: Hercules

Summary: Joxer has been transformed into a pig, Iolaus still is cursed... And everyone is trying to find them.

Rating: Pg-13 for some nudity.

Disclaimer: Hercules, Iolaus and all the Hercules characters belong to Renassainse Pictures, who also own Xena. Ranma 1/2 related stuff belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. The Greek gods and goddess belong to mythology and Greek culture. I am not making any money out of this, really. I don't even get to hold them a little while. So please, don't sue. With the peso-dollar exchange, you would end up loosing money if I paid.

Content: Iolaus/Others

Warning: This has m/m, and some m/f and some f/f.

Spoilers: Porkules.

Notes: In this reality all the stuff about Gabrielle wearing hindu' clothing never happened, Alcmene is still alive, and hasn't seen or thought about Zeus in a long while. And although Argamedon Now
happened, Strife is alive too (C'mon, they're gods... If something as stupid as hind blood could kill them... They wouldn't have created the hinds in the first place). If you haven't read the rest of the Iolaus 1/2 series, I would suggest doing so or you will get very, very confused.

J-Xio
by Adalisa
* * * * * *

Iolaus dressed hurriedly and almost without paying attention to the startled looks and questions of Meg and the girls.

He excused Joxer's absence saying that Aphrodite had called him, not bothering to explain the presence of the cute black piglet that charmed everyone at the tavern.

They left without pausing to have breakfast, Iolaus carrying Joxer's armor and sword, while Joxer himself followed just a couple of steps behind.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Aphrodite's angry voice was followed by a cascade of boiling water that made Iolaus jump.

"Hey!! That's hot!!" The hunter yelled, his voice and body male again.

"Of course!" The goddess of love appeared before them, ignoring the startled bwee from the piglet and concentrating fully on Iolaus. "It was supposed to be hot! Where did you leave Joxie? I thought..."

"Joxer is right here!!" Iolaus shook his head, turning to see the retreating piglet. "Look... Joxer... I can explain everything..."

"Joxer?" Aphrodite looked at the piglet with awe filled eyes. When the cute little thing tried to run, she grabbed it to stare right into its scared eyes. "Who did this to you?"

"Discord." Iolaus answered, wincing when Joxer turned to see him, still scared. Following the almost-warrior-turned-pig stare, the hunter realized that even when his body was male again, he was still wearing the dress that Meg had given 'Iolae'. "'Dite? Would you mind?"

"Sure!" With a wave of her hand, Iolaus' clothing was restored to his usual style. This seemed to ease Joxer struggling a little and the hunter relaxed. Now all they had to do was to find Discord, restore Joxer to his human form, and explain the whole mess. "Why did the bitch do that?"

"Ah... She said it was a punishment..." Iolaus and Joxer blushed.

"Punishment for wha..." Aphrodite's voice trailed off, as she looked at the human and the pig with more attention, and finally at both, throwing Joxer into Iolaus' arms. "What did you two do?!" When neither answered, the goddess' smile grew. "Ohhh!! You _did_ that?! And I missed it?"

"'Dite..."

"Of course if Herc finds out, he's going to kill you two..."

"'Dite..."

"And _that_ does explain why Arry was so mad this morning..." She continued, suddenly passive. "Maybe you two should hide because..."

"'DITE!!"

"What?!" The goddess looked at the hunter, pouting but not angry at the interruption.

"Do you think you can help us find Discord?" Iolaus asked, his question accompanied by a heartfull bwee from Joxer.

"Well... you are going to need help but..." Aphrodite seemed to consider something when a shrill battle cry interrupted them.

"Ayiayiayiayiayiii!!!!!" Xena burst into scene, doing a mortal-leap in the air, before landing between the goddess and Iolaus. "Get away from my love, Aphrodite... Or I'll see if a mortal can kill a goddess!!"

"XENA!! Are you insane?!" Gabrielle ran towards them, trying to catch her breath. "Threatening Ares when he is mad is one thing, but threaten the Goddess of Love when she is supposed to be on our side is stupid!"

"But she was going to hurt my Iolaus!"

"She was _talking_ to him, Xena."

"She is trying to steal him from me!!"

"No. She's _not_!!" Iolaus told the Warrior Princess, trying to look stern. "And I'm not _yours_. Our thing _ended_ when you tried to kill Hercules."

"But... But..." Xena looked at him with confused eyes, almost pouting, before straightening her back and regaining her usual psychopath warrior' attitude. "I understand, Iolaus. I was evil, you were right to hate me then. But your love changed me! And I'll never rest until you can love me as much as I love you!"

Aphrodite shook her head, frustrated. She really had to talk with her thickheaded son about his terrible aim. "That's really nice, Xena... But we have some other problems now."

"Bwee!!" Joxer nodded, still resting in Iolaus' arms.

"What's with the pig?" Gabrielle pointed towards the warrior, who for the first time in a very, very long time, didn't even flinch.

"It's Discord's latest job." Iolaus explained trying to put some safe distance between his ass and Xena's adventurous hands. "She has Artemis' bow and decided to punish Joxer..."

"Joxer?!" Gabrielle tried to grab the little black piglet but the warrior-turned-pig refused, trying to stay at the hunter's side. "What did he do?" She continued, puzzled by the reaction of her friend.

"HwsIlae'sfst" Iolaus muttered, blushing and turning away.

Seeing the blonde bard's confusion, the goddess of love smiled. She hated Gabrielle, more since the whole quill incident, and any chance to make her suffer was very welcome. "Ares is making a tantrum because he thinks that the sweet Iolae is his... And she and Joxie had the most wonderful, passionate night together yesterday."

"WHAT?! Iolae... and... and JOXER?!!" Gabrielle looked from Aphrodite to the pig and to the goddess again. "No way!!"

"And why not, Gabrielle?" Iolaus placed Joxer on the ground, where Xena picked him up before he could run away. "What's wrong with Joxer?"

"Well... it's... it's just that..."

"If you ask me," Xena said, while petting Joxer. "She's getting what she deserves."

Joxer bweed sadly, but only Iolaus seemed to notice. And it was the last straw for the hunter. "He's a noble friend and a great human being. You of all people should know that... And I feel proud to know that he was my... cousin's first male lover!!"

Only a stunned silence followed his confession. Seconds later, they heard a thud made by Gabrielle's unconscious body falling to the ground.

"We have to find Discord..." Iolaus said, looking at Gabrielle. "Do you think you can help?"

"Whatever you need, my love." Xena grabbed her Chakram with decision. "I'm here for you."

"What about Arry?" Aphrodite asked while seriously contemplating making Gabrielle wake up in love with Salmoneus. Only that she also thought that it would be a cruel punishment to her stud muffin. "He kinda sees Iolae as his and..."

"Gabrielle and I will take care of him." Xena smiled, and for a moment she looked completely normal, with her usual psychopathic stare. "He ownes me one for pretending to kidnap Iolaus."

"Thanks, Xena." Iolaus would have slapped the Warrior Princess' arm, but he knew that it would only give her false hopes. So instead he just smiled as Xena called Argo and unceremoniously dumped her unconscious friend over it, before turning around, kissing Iolaus passionately, patting Joxer's head and ride away.

"And keep everything a secret!!" Iolaus yelled, as he saw them disappear in the distance.

"I'll go too, Sweetcheeks." Aphrodite said, pouting. "I have to find Cupie, see if he can undo the mess he did with Xena."

"Thanks a lot 'Dite." Iolaus kissed the goddess cheek, making her smile.

"Just call me if you need anything... and stay away from cold water!" She joked and disappeared in a cloud of golden hearts.

* * *

"We have to be very careful, you're in no position to defend yourself and..."

"BWEE!! KWEEE!!"

Iolaus and Joxer were walking along the road to Sparta, trying to come up with a plan to attack Ares and Discord. "I'm sorry! I told you already that I will fix it!"

Joxer answer was a mix between annoyance and self-pity. The non-warrior-turned-pig had preferred to travel at the hunter's side rather than in his arms, and his mood had deteriorated quickly.

"It was not my intent to fool you either." Iolaus stopped, turning to see his friend. "Joxer... all I said when you thought I was 'Iolae' is true."

"Kwe?"

"Sure!" Smiling, the hunter opened his arms so the doubtful Joxer could jump in them. "Look, it's just that this kind of thing should be kept secret."

"What kind of thing?" Hercules' voice caught Iolaus so unaware that he almost drop Joxer to the ground. "And where did that pig came from?"

"Are you going to lecture me on accepting gifts now, Hercules?" Iolaus asked, coldly as he still hadn't forgiven his friend for the outburst a few days ago.

Apparently the demi-god understood, as he shook his head ashamed. "I'm sorry, Iolaus... I shouldn't have snapped at you so many times. It's just that this is to hard for me..."

"Hard for you?!" Iolaus looked at his friend as if he had told him he had decided to marry Hera. "And how do you think _I_ feel?! Changing into a girl and being chased by every psycho in Greece?!

"Bwee!" Joxer nodded in agreement. Even what he was going through was not as bad as Iolaus' predicament. At least there were no horny gods behind his ass... yet.

"When even a pig agrees with you, I can't argue... " Hercules muttered, before looking at the animal with more attention. "He seems familiar to me."

"No he doesn't." The hunter immediately denied. He had had enough with Gabrielle and Xena insulting his friend and he was not going to take the risk over what a 'non-jealous' demi-god could say.

"From where does it comes from?" Hercules didn't seem very convinced and Iolaus knew that whatever he said could be the only thing between Joxer and either humiliation or a barbecue.

"Joxer gave it to Iolae as a gift... So... he's mine." Seeing that Hercules still was frowning, the hunter forced himself to smile. "His name is J-xio."

"J-xio?"

"Bwee?"

"Yeah." Seeing both his friends confused, Iolaus sighed with relief. At least confusion was not suspicion. "J for Joxer because he gave it to me, and Xio for Xiorino."

"Xiorino means Pig." The tall hero shook his head again, but this time he was amused. "Iolaus, if you keep naming your pigs, you will never be able to take them to the b-u-t-c-h-e-r."

"J-xio can spell." Iolaus told his friend, his words accompanied by a very insulted squeal. "And he's not going to the butcher, ever. I think he's kind of cute. And it's not like you haven't roamed around with a pig once..."

His words seemed to remind Hercules about his _other_ mission as the demi-god slapped his head. "That's right!! Autolycus stole Artemis' bow again! I promised to find it as soon as I had found you."

At this, Iolaus lifted an eyebrow. It really wasn't like Hercules to put something like Artemis' bow in second place. "Discord has it." He said, his face very serious. "She was mumbling about punishing all those who touch Ares' property."

'J-xio' snorted, making Hercules to look at him with more attention.

"This is strange..."

"What?" Without realizing it, Iolaus pressed Joxer closer to his chest, as if to protect him from the demi-god.

"I..." Hercules frowned and shook his head. "Probably nothing. It's just that I used to understand pigs' language... after... you know. But I can't make a thing out of what your pet is saying."

Iolaus looked at his friends, trying not to frown, because he had not noticed that he was understanding Joxer without any trouble until Hercules pointed it out." Well... we better start going before Discord decides to use the arrows against you."

The Hunter's attempt to change the subject succeeded and thus, the demi-god, the cursed hero and the warrior turned pig continued walking down the road, hoping to find the evil goddess before she did more harm with the stolen bow.

* * *

Strife, god of Mischief, was trying unsuccessfully to contain the hysterical laughter that was overwhelming him as he saw the results of his latest prank.

A couple of months ago, right after the 'Porkules' fiasco, he had happened to get a hold of Artemis' bow. Originally, he was supposed to steal it and finish Discord's stupid plan... But the young god had thought that the idea was stupid, far too simple.

Old, and boring.

So instead of stealing the bow for Ares, Strife had just put a simple, irreversible spell on the weapon.

Since that day, he hadn't been able to see the fruit of his work.

Now he could hardly wait to see Jerkules' face...

* * *

As night fell, Hercules, Iolaus and J-xio found a small tavern and the demi-god decided to spend the night there.

Even if Iolaus didn't know it, Hercules wanted to make amends for all what had happened between them and decided that the best way to apologize was to indulge the hunter with all his favorite pleasures.

Starting with a hot bath.

Iolaus had complained at first, swearing that he was perfectly fine away from hot water. But Hercules knew that most of his friend's complains came from having been drenched in boiling water more than once. "C'mon Iolaus, it will help you to relax. "He had pleaded, when the innkeeper announced that the bath tube was ready.

"I need more than hot water to relax, Herc." Iolaus said, but the fact that he was using the old nickname made Hercules feel better. He watched in silence as his friend picked up J-xio and headed to the other room, where the bath was waiting. "But I'm not going to argue anymore. I'm
tired."

What Iolaus didn't know was that Hercules had been thinking about him all the time that they had been apart. After analyzing his mother's words and his own dream, the hero was still not ready to consider that he was really attracted to Iolaus in any of his forms... But he could not resist the curiosity that compelled him to wonder if the golden skin of his best friend was as soft and warm as it had been in his dream.

And the offer of a backrub was a perfect excuse to find out without making any more concessions about his feelings. Oblivious to his friend's plans, Iolaus undressed in front of a blushing Joxer. He really needed a good bath, something more relaxing than the fast showers that 'Dite was too glad to provide.

"Bwee..."

"No, you can't go." Iolaus grabbed his friend by the neck, to prevent the pig's escape. "You need a bath as much as I do."

The piglet squealed, insulted.

"I know you can bath by yourself. When you're human!" Iolaus answered, shoving 'J-xio' into the warm water of the tube.

And a second later, he found himself looking at a very wet, very naked, very human Joxer.

"What the...?" Both men began saying, but the phrase was interrupted when Hercules opened the door.

"Iolaus, I thought you would like..." The Son of Zeus stopped as he saw the scene inside the room, and his good mood evaporated. "Joxer?!"

The End: -J-Xio.