Title: Joxer Loves

Author: A. Welshman

Rating: R

Pairing: None

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: All members of the Greek Pantheon belong to history. Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, and these representations of the Greek Pantheon belong to the makers of X:WP and H:TLJ. This story (as well as student debt) belongs to me.

Notes: angst, child abuse, implied rape, bad language. This is my first attempt at fan-fiction ever, and I would appreciate your *constructive* criticism.

{}-memory, **-thought

Summary: Children always want to believe that their parents love them. What does this do to their adulthood?

Joxer Loves

by A. Welshman

"Mama loves me."

{"Shut up, you stupid little brat!" she hisses as she slaps him across the face. The three-year old stops crying and begins to sniffle while she continues.

"The only reason you weren't left for the wolves is because of me! You can by the Gods act grateful!" With that, the tall woman yanks the child from the ground and flings him into a small, dark closet before slamming the door and latching it shut.

The little boy continues to whimper and rock back and forth as he cradles the burnt hand his mother had thrust into the pot of boiling water. It was his fault; he shouldn't have peed the bed while he slept.

*Mama love me, * he thinks, over and over, as he waits for his mother to return.}

---

"Papa loves me."

{As the man stands and starts tying up his breeches, he snarls down at the boy, "While your whore of a mother is bleeding, you'll take her place. And you'll do so every month from now on. You're no good for anything else, and I'll kill you if you tell anyone."

Spitting at the quiet six-year old on the pallet, he says, "Clean yourself, boy, I'll be back tonight."

After a few minutes, the boy stiffly raises himself off the pallet. Gingerly pulling on his largest set of breeches, he slowly makes his way to the bathing room. As he starts to pat away at the blood, he quietly whispers the same words, over and over: "Not here, not real, Papa loves me. Not here, not real, Papa loves me…"}

---

"Gabby loves me."

{The awkward young man in ridiculous, ill-fitting armor is mooning after the blonde woman striding ahead of him when he trips over a bump in the dirt path and knocks her into the fresh pile of dung left by their leader's war-horse. She immediately begins shrieking while scrubbing her face with her skirt hem. As soon as most of the dung has been scraped off (or spread in a thin layer across her face), she begins beating the man with her staff.

"You stupid, clumsy, ignorant, smelly, stupid OAF! How could you be so FUCKING stupid all the time?!"

Done beating the man, the blonde woman stalks off after the sound of running water beyond the nearby turn in the path. Their dark-haired leader turns her horse and tells the man, "You stay here while she washes in the stream up ahead." Without waiting for a response, she wheels her horse and proceeds down the path, following the blonde.

"Okay, I'll wait here until you come get me," says the man, quietly, as he watches the women turn the bend. He moves to the side of the path, and sits under a tree while thinking, `Gabby is as mad as Mama. Gabby must love me, too!' And with that happy thought, he grows still and waits…}

---

"Ares loves me."

{The fireball blasts the bruised and bleeding man into a marble pillar, where he feels his shoulder blade and some ribs break.

A larger, dark-haired man walks from behind the black altar, sneering at the broken man. "You have never been good enough to be one of my warriors, you aren't good enough now to be one of my warriors, and you never will be good enough to be one of my warriors. You're worthless for anything I could use you for, and maybe NOW you'll go away!" With a final kick to the fallen man's chest, the dark man disappears.

Feeling more broken ribs and a punctured lung, and falling into unconsciousness, the dying man's last thoughts are *He hurts me almost as much as Papa did. I'm glad he loves me so much…*}

---

"I love Joxie. He's only about three, and he sleeps most of the time, but I keep him safe, and he loves me too."

"I know, Joxer, and I've made sure that this part of the Fields is just for you and Joxie. No one will hurt Joxie or you ever again."

"Okay. Thank you, Hades."

End