TITLE: Summer Solstice Dinner

AUTHOR: Scorpio

ARCHIVE: CatSentinel, The Nesting Place, AJCS and CKoS

FANDOM: Xena: WP

PAIRINGS: Ares/Joxer, Dite/Heph, Cupid/Psyche, Cupid/Strife, Eris/Jett, Jace Iphicles, Xena/Gabrielle, Hercules/Iolaus (and Bliss)

RATING: PG

DISCLAIMER: ::snort:: As if...

SUMMARY: Once a year, on the Summer Solstice, Ares insists that his family sit down together to celebrate by sharing dinner together. ::smirks:: He should know better, huh?


CAST OF CHARACTERS
ARES: God of War, husband to the God of Peace and father to the God of Love, the King of Corinth and the Warrior Princess
JOXER: God of Peace, husband to the God of War and brother to the King of Assassins and the "Queen of queens"
APHRODITE: Goddess of Love, wife to the God of Fire and mother to the God of Love
HEPHEASTUS: God of Fire, husband to the Goddess of Love and grandfather to the Golden Hunter
CUPID: God of Love, husband to the Goddess of the Mind, boyfriend to the God of Mischief, son of the God of War and the Goddess of Love, father to Bliss
PSYCHE: Goddess of the Mind, wife of the God of Love, mother to Bliss
STRIFE: God of Mischief, boyfriend to the God of Love, son of the Goddess of Discord
BLISS: Godling to the Houses of Love and War, son of the God of Love and the Goddess of the Mind
ERIS: Goddess of Discord, girlfriend to the King of Assassins, mother of the God of Mischief, twin sister to the God of War
JETT: The King of Assassins, boyfriend of the Goddess of Discord, brother of the God of Peace and the "Queen of queens"
AUTOLYCUS; King of Thieves, Ex-boyfriend to the King of Assassins - conspicuous by his *not* being in attendance... ~snickers~
IPHICLES: King of Corinth, boyfriend of the "Queen of queens", son of the God of War, half-brother to the People's Hero
JACE: "Queen of the queens", boyfriend of the King of the Corinth, brother to the God of Peace and the King of Assassins
XENA: Warrior Princess, girlfriend of the Queen of the Amazons, daughter of the God of War
GABRIELLE: Queen of the Amazons, girlfriend of the Warrior Princess and High Priestess of the God of Compassion and Peace
HERCULES: The People's Hero, boyfriend to the Golden Hunter, half-brother to the God of War, the Goddess of Discord, the Goddess of Love, the God of Fire and the King of Corinth
IOLUAS: The Golden Hunter, boyfriend of the People's Hero, grandson to the God of Fire



Summer Solstice Dinner
by Scorpio

ARES: Welcome all, to our yearly feast to celebrate the Summer Solstice.

Everyone stood around the large overflowing table that had been gaudily decorated for the occasion. Half of the guests were eyeing up the food and the other half merely eyed up the other guests with suspicion, and in some cases, out and out hatred. However, everyone had been there for a full three minutes already and there was no bloodshed yet, so *that* was a good indicator of everyone's willingness to indulge the God of War. Or at least, it was a sign of their resignation to the situation.

ARES: Please, sit and enjoy the meal. For this one day of the year, Violence and War will cease it's mechanisms to honor and celebrate Compassion and Peace.

Ares turned and smiled adoringly at his Consort. Joxer grinned back at him, leaned up on his toes and placed a gentle kiss on the War God's cheek. Jace, Cupid and Aphrodite both sniffed at the sentimentalism of the whole thing while Jett, Eris and Strife rolled their eyes. Heph, Xena and Iphicles merely looked uncomfortable at the public display of affection between the two.

BLISS: Ooooo! S'mas'd P'atoes! They *mmm-mmm good*! S'mas'd P'atoes fo' Bliss!

Ares and Joxer jumped slightly apart with twin guilty blushes as their grandson's excited voice grabbed their attention. All of the rest of the adults had turned to smile in open amusement at the little godling.

JOXER: Please everyone. Sit, sit.

Everyone sat down next to their respective lover. Cupid, of course, sat between Psyche and Strife. No one else even pretended to understand how their relationship worked, but it did. As God of Love, Cupid *needed* to have a lover of each sex, as did Aphrodite and as Heph had learned to live with it, so did Psyche. But unlike Aphrodite who chose her female lovers at random from the ranks of her Priestesses, Cupid had a single male lover that he visited over and over again. Strife.

Once seated, Bliss immediately tried to reach for the mashed potatoes, but his father pulled his hand back.

CUPID: Someone has to say grace first. Remember?

Bliss frowned for a moment, looking as if he was on the verge of tears. Then, in the blink of an eye, his emotional state flip-flopped back into over-excitment.

BLISS: Bliss says gwace?

Cupid glanced questioningly at his father and stepfather. Both smiled indulgently and nodded, Joxer with a curious gleam in his eyes.

CUPID: Okay sprout. You can say grace.

BLISS: Okay. Fo' who?

CUPID: Grandpa Joxer. This dinner is for him.

Bliss beamed.

BLISS: All fanks to G'an-pa Josser. Hims is good an' nice an' hims makes the bestest poney wides. I loves my G'an-pa Josser an' hims blesses me.

The adults try to stifle their giggles at Bliss' version of saying grace, but the little one turned to face the God of Compassion and Peace with an expectant look on his face. Coughing and clearing his throat to stop himself from giggling, Joxer stands up and extends on hand that begins to glow, a soft look on his face.

JOXER: I bless this meal and those who would share it with me.

For a long moment, everyone is still and silent as Joxer's benediction washes over them, gentle smiles on everyone's faces. Except for Eris and Jett. They both squirm slightly and then shake themselves like long-haired dogs that fell into a lake, only to then share a glance with each other.

JETT: Well...that felt wiggy.

ERIS: You said it. Yuck!

The Goddess of Discord and Conflict glanced at her brother-in-law.

ERIS: No offense Jox.

Joxer smirked back.

JOXER: None taken. Your blessings give me the shivers as well.

They shared a quick giggle.

Everyone began to pass dishes and bowls around as they filled their plates.

IPHICLES: Jace dear. You need to eat some meat. Even if it's just a little. All those vegit... vetigib... vegtib... green things *can't* be healthy.

JACE: Don't be silly sweetie, vegetables are *very* good for you. Roughage. Cleans out the colon and *no one* likes backed up plumbing. Besides, you eat *far* too much red-meat and salt. You're going to eat yourself into a stroke or a heart attack.

IPHICLES: Jace, I love you dearly, but I don't know how you can survive without eating meat. It's not healthy. I can't believe you think steak is bad for you...

Jace pouted prettily around the table looking for support.

JACE: Would someone *please* do something about this idiot and his atrocious eating habits?

JETT: I'll tell you what. If he starts having real bad health problems and he's suffering, I'll come by and take him out clean and quick. A mercy, really.

Jace smiled at her brother while Iphicles went slightly pale.

JACE: Oh...would you?

Jett grinned evilly.

JETT: Oh course. I'd do anything for family, you know that. Killing off their loved ones is a sacred duty.

STRIFE, ERIS and ARES: ~snicker~

Psyche played a quick battle of tug-of-war with Bliss for the spoon to the mashed potatoes.

PSYCHE: Bliss, honey. You have to save some for *other* people too love.

BLISS: Nooooo! S'mas'd P'atoes fo' *Bliss*!!!!!

GABRIELLE: I am just *so* glad that there is no *fish* being served tonight.

Xena glared at her lover suspiciously.

XENA: What's that supposed to mean?

Gabrielle rolled her eyes and ignored her.

DITE: Oh, I know. I *hate* fish. They're so...so... *icky* and slimy and... and... they *smell* funny. Like Uncle Poseidon.

The blonde bard grimaced as she considered the Love Goddess' words. She couldn't imagine a worst fate than smelling like a dead fish. Except maybe being the King of Thieves once his ex-lover Jett and his new and equally psychotic Goddess girlfriend caught up with him.

GABRIELLE: I'm just sick of them. It seems like every time I turn around the only thing to eat is *fish* or *rabbit*. There's only so many scales and fuzziness one can take before one loses the desire to eat.

DITE: Don't get me wrong, I don't mind offerings from the sea. But *fish*? What's wrong with pearls? Or mother-of-pearl? I mean, puh-leeeease!

Xena's glare grew into a glower as she stabbed her steak with more force than was strictly necessary.

XENA: This is some type of commentary meant to make me feel bad for making you eat fish, isn't it? Well, it won't work. You don't *have* to eat the fish I catch, you know. You can *always* go to bed hungry.

CUPID: ~choke~ ~gag~ ~cough cough~ ~sputter~

Strife looks up and away at the clouds, a falsely innocent look plastered on his face. The hand closest to his winged lover is conspicuously under the table.

CUPID: ~blushes sheepishly~

PSYCHE: ~snickers~

BLISS: Uncwle Stwife? Yous grab Daddy pants?

CUPID: ~blushes even harder and slinks down in chair~

EVERYONE ELSE: ~laughter~

DITE: You know, I *have* noticed that Strife doesn't seem to like my Cupie's pants very much. For some reason, he's always trying to peel my sweet-pea out of them.

PSYCHE: I noticed that same thing myself. What gets *me* is that he never folds them up neatly and puts them away. He leaves them laying in the middle of the floor so that I end up tripping over them.

ERIS: Strife had that same problem when he was a young godling. I can show you some techniques to help cure him of his sloppiness. They worked before, so maybe he just needs a reminder.

Strife went pale and yanked his hand off of his lover's crotch while shaking his head frantically.

STRIFE: No, no. That's not necessary. I'll be neat and clean from now on. No need to show anyone anything, *Mom*.

ERIS, DITE and PSYCHE: ~snicker~

CUPID: ~blushes and squirms~

HEPH: Could someone pass the wine?

JOXER: Don't feel too bad Psyche. I now what you mean. When Arry here gets in a mood he leaves the place looking like a cyclone hit and I literally have to trail behind him cleaning as I go.

ARES: I'm not *that* bad and besides, you've...

JOXER: ~interupts~ Don't listen to him sweetie. There are certain people who can wind him up so tight that he spins for *hours*!

ARES: Hey!

EVERYONE ELSE: ~snickers~

HEPH: Can someone *please* pass the wine?

ERIS: Jox ain't lying. I've seen Ares in a huff *lots* of times. Even the *dust bunnies* run and hide from him when he's in a mood.

GABRIELLE: What sets him off like that?

ERIS: You for one.

GABRIELLE: ~squeeks~ Me?

XENA, STRIFE and JETT: ~snickers~

The God of War glares, his best expression of "death and destruction to all mankind" on his face, and aims it at everyone at the table until the snickers and smirks die away.

ARES: I do *not* get "huffy"! And that's *final*!

The God of Compassion and Peace reaches out and pats the War God on his knee in a conciliatory motion.

JOXER: Of course not, dear.

ARES: ~nods head desisively~ See? Told you so. ~sticks tongue out at Eris~

EVERYONE ELSE: ~snickers~

HEPH: Can someone pass the wine? Really. My glass is empty and I'd like a
drink.

BLISS: S'mas'd P'atoes! Whee! ~flings spoonful of mashed patatoes across the table at the King of Corinth~

IPHICLES: ~splat~ Ugh! Oh gods... Yuck!

Everyone stops stunned, to watch as the King of Corinth reaches up to pull a glob of mashed potatoes, complete with dripping brown gravy, out of his brassy red hair. The God of Mischief has to clamp a hand over his mouth quickly to stifle the giggles that want to bubble up out of him. Jace, however, looks horrified.

BLISS: Oopsy?

The Warrior Princess, still smarting from the Love Goddess teaming up with her own lover to make snarky comments about her beloved fishing addiction, makes the next move. Grabbing up the ceramic bowl full of black olives, she upturns it over Gabrielle's head, leaving the bowl there like some demented hat.

XENA: Oopsy?

The abuse of olives and Amazon Queens alike breaks the spell of stunned stillness that had captured the others sitting around Ares' dinning table. With an evil smirk on his face and a mischievous glint in his eye, Strife grabs up two handfuls of whatever is on his plate and flings them out in two separate directions while hitting everyone around him with a blast of divinely inspired silliness.

Chaos erupts in the form of a food fight.

Peas, chicken legs, hunks of bread dripping melted butter and fresh berries all take flight at once. No one is spared. Clothing, hair and skin all get splattered with gravys, sauces and hunks of meat and vegetables.

BLISS: Whee! Fun, fun, fun! More, more, more!

A missile made of cranberry sauce and chick-peas smacks against the side of immaculately curled blonde hair.

DITE: Ewwww! *Grody*!

The God of Fire stands up from his chair and grimly ignores the various food bombs that slam into his muscled frame and he painfully limps his way to the far end of the table, his empty silver goblet in one gnarled hand.

HEPH: Fine! I'll get my *own* damn wine!

A hunk of bread with butter and jelly smeared liberally on both sides smacks against the War God's check, slathering his neatly trimmed beard with goo. For a long moment the bread sticks there, hanging precariously from his smirk as it shifts into a fearsome scowl. Then slowly, it slips down his face to his chin, wavers for an eternity before dropping with a *plop* and a splash into his bowl of soup. Everyone goes deathly still in shock and mild fear.

EVERYONE *except* ARES: Oh shit...

The God of War jumped to his feet suddenly, causing every one of his guests to flinch back in their chairs. Ares raised up both hands to the sky and they glowed a bright pulsing red. The remaining food on the serving platters and in the bowls on the table leaped up and onto the plates before each guest.

He paused dramatically, giving everyone time to gulp and wonder what he was up to. Then his balled each hand into a tight fist. Every plate filled with food leaped up off of the table and smashed into it's owners face. Silence reigned for a long moment as the God of War declared *himself* the winner of the food fight as all the others were busy peeling a plate of food off of their faces.

Of course, that's when Hercules and Ioluas decided to show up.

HERCULES: Sorry we're late, but we had to stop and battle a stray hydra that attacked a village and...

The People's Hero trailed off in confusion at the sight of his family literally *coated* in the dinner he had been invited to share.

HERCULES: Um...?

ARES: ~smirks~ What little brother? You didn't expect the God of *War* to win a food fight? Of course, I would. I will *all* fights. It's the law or something...

HERCULES: Um...?

IOLAUS: Well, it *does* make sense. Not so much Ares winning, as a food fight erupting when *this* bunch gathers together to eat, I mean.

HERCULES: Um... why?

IOLUAS: ~shrugs~ Half of 'em are dedicated to war and violence and the rest are dedicated to love and compassion. How *else* are they gonna bond? A friendly little fight where no one gets hurt and everyone has a good time.

HERCULES: ~nods but looks unconvinced~

DITE: You call *this* unhurt? My outfit is *ruined*.

HEPH ~snores and passes out as he slides under the table, his wine goblet still clutched tightly in one hand~

Everyone turns to look at the drunken God of Fire as his head drifts under the edge of the table. A long moment of stunned silence follows before his grandson puts two and two together.

IOLUAS: You guys let him *drink*?

Everyone plasters an innocent look on their faces. It doesn't work as well for some as it does for others. Ares, Eris, Jett and Strife in particular couldn't pull of "innocent" if all of Greece depended on it. Only one person wasn't impressed with the theatrics. He had his *own* agenda to fulfill.

BLISS: I wan' more S'mas'd P'atoes! *Now*!

With a wildly erratic flare of his still uncontrollable godly powers, a blinding white light filled the room. When it faded, the entire table, and the laps of all it's occupants were *filled* with mashed potatoes and gravy.


END: Summer Solstice Dinner


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