Title: Tha Birds, An' Tha Bees, An' All That Othah Good Shit

Author/pseudonym: Scribe

Fandom: Xena: Warrior Princess

Pairing: None

Rating: NC-17 Eventually

Status: WIP

Sequel/Series: Sequel to Cupid's Little Helper

Archive: Yes, to any archive that receives this (RS, WWOMB, allslash, etc.)

Feedback: Pretty please.

E-mail address for feedback: poet_77665@yahoo.com

Other websites:
http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/scribescribbles and http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/foxluver for Poetic Series (Mulder/Krycek) slash.

Disclaimers: I do not own these characters or concepts. This is written strictly for entertainment, and no profit has been made.

Notes: This is a little after the end of Cupid's Little Helper. Joxer had his baby, and Strife is settleing into the idea of being married, being a father, and being pregnant. Things are NOT easy.

Summary: Morning sickness. Do I need to say more?

Warnings: I probably got the God of Medicine's name wrong. Correct me gently.

Tha Birds, An' Tha Bees, An' All That Othah Good Shit
By Scribe

"Maybe a little dry toast would help?"

I sat up, coverin my mouth. When I was pretty sure (couldn't be one-hundred-per-cent sure these days) that I wasn't gonna spew I said, "Cupe, I love ya, but get that away from me before I paste ya."

He looked kinda hurt. Well, yeah, it's kinda rough when your spouse of less than a month threatens ta smash ya, 'specially when you're just tryin ta be considerate. I gave him a hug. "Sorry, babe. I'm kinda touchy right now. A week of upchucking a coupla times an hour will do that to ya." I pointed at the slice of toast he was holdin. "But seriously, lose that if ya don't wanta hafta clean tha sheets for a very unsexy reason."

Tha toast disappeared, replaced by a cloth. "Lie back down." Hey, that's an ordah I'll nevah disobey, comin from Cupe. I stretched back out an' closed my eyes as he folded tha cloth. He wiped my face gently, then laid tha cloth across my forehead. It was cool an' damp, an' it helped. Tha queasiness started ta recede, an' I sighed. "Better, babe?" he murmured.

"Yah, thanks, Cupe."

"Are you going to see Aschlepus, or do I drag your sexy butt over there?"

I thought about sayin that it was my sexy butt that had gotten me inta this situation, but I didn't. Yeah, that's right--tha King of Smart Ass passed up tha chance ta make a snark. Love will do that to ya. Cupid was a little worried about how I was takin this pregnancy, an' I didn't want him ta evah think I had any doubt about wantin ta have his kid. I wanted this baby with everythin I had--I just wasn't too crazy about tha side effects.

"Yeah, okay," I said. He gave me a suspicious look. I don't do meek too good unless I'm undah threat of immediate violence. I added, "Ya dope." He looked relieved.

"DADDY!"

Hey, we loved tha sound of that voice, but we still flinched. Bliss shot through tha door like a little gold arrow, headed straight toward us. He was wearin nothin but a little sleepwrap around his middle (somehow Cupe had convinced him ta give up
streakin--mosta tha time). He was all chubby an' pink, with yella curls an' snowy little wings. I think Bliss is how some of tha mortals got ta picturin Cupe like that. *snort* Different sorta baby, lemme tell ya.

Bliss skidded up nexta tha bed an' started bouncin up an' down, his wings vibratin with eagerness. "Can I?"

Cupe looked at me. I nodded, then scooted ovah an patted tha mattress. "C'mon, ya monstah." While he was clamberin up ovah Cupid, I thought on a pair of pants. Bliss settled between us. He looked at me questioninly, his hand movin toward my middle hesitantly. "G'head, kiddo." He gave me a sweet smile then slid down, threw one plump arm across me, an' settled his smooth baby cheek against my belly. He closed his eyes, an' got that 'listenin' look.

Cupe an' I exchanged looks ovah him. Bliss was wunna tha reasons I'd gone ahead an' taken tha final step with Cupid. I nevah had a dad, ya know, an' I hadn't seen too many examples of parent/kid closeness, eithah. But seein Cupid with Bliss... I wanted that. Now I was 'Daddy Stwife', an' it was possibly tha coolest thing in tha world. But I was about ta get tha parentin experience on a whole new level.

I stroked Bliss's curls. "So, how's tha lump doin?"

"Fine." Bliss sat up an' petted my tummy, then held up his thumb. "Lump is this big now."

"Yah? Lump tell ya yet whethah he's a boy or a girl?"

Bliss shook his head. "I don't think Lump knows what boy or girl means." He giggled. "Silly ol' Lump! Should I tell him?"

"Zeus, no, kid! Don't start educatin Lump already."

Cupid picked up Bliss an' set him on tha floor. Pattin his bottom, he said, "Go get some breakfast, hon." Bliss trotted ovah ta tha table. While he was climbin up, Cupid set it with fruit, bread, an' milk. I quickly added a pot of honey an' a small spice cake. When Cupid frowned, I removed tha cake. "All right, but he gets one for a snack latah, huh?"

He pulled me ovah ta snuggle undah his arm. "This baby is going to be spoiled rotten."

"Duh? I'm tha God of Mischief--why would I NOT want a spoiled child?"

We just laid there for a few minutes, watchin Bliss stuff his face an' just enjoyin bein tagethah. I still wasn't used ta this--feelin peaceful. It was nice.

I was thinkin about visitin Joxer. Tha baby was a coupla weeks old now, an' Unc had announced that visitors were now welcome. In fact, they were encouraged. Joxer was a social sort, an' Unc wanted ta be sure he didn't start ta feel isolated, stayin home with a new baby.

"Daddy Stwife?" I opened my eyes ta find Bliss standin by my side of tha bed. Ge offahed me a cup. "You want some milk? It's good for Lump."

Tha smell hit me, an' my nose twitched. Goat's milk--warm. My stomach twitched. My mouth got wet, but it wasn't tha 'wow, that smells good', or the 'damn, ya look sexy' sorta waterin. I said, "Maybe latah. Run get dressed, an' I'll take ya ta see Joxer an' lil' Accord, huh?"

Bliss squealed happily an' raced out, slappin tha cup of milk on tha table as he passed. I managed ta hold off erpin till he was outta tha room, but just barely. When I was done, Cupe wiped my face again. I held out my hand. "Gimme tha fuckin toast. I'm ready ta try anythin."

*****

Cupid took us ovah ta Ares's temple--Bliss sittin in tha crook of his left arm, an' me wrapped in his right. That was one thing about bein preggers I wasn't too keen on. I mean, I had JUST gotten ta where I could transport without gettin all whoopsie,
an' here it was again.

Ares came inta tha front room as soon as we appeared. He was already smilin, but it really stretched when he saw us. Unc ain't nevah gonna be wunna those sunshine an' rainbows sorta people, but he started smilin a lot more when he took up with Joxer, an' tha sight of Bliss nevah fails ta put a smile on his face--wunna tha good ones. 'Res can smile an' make a Spartans
rust their crotch guards.

Bliss started squirming, crowin, "Gran'pa 'Res!"

"Put him down before you drop him, son." Cupid did. Bliss pelted ovah an' started ta swarm up tha God of War. Ares plucked him up an' swung him onta his shoulders. We followed Bliss ovah, an' Ares patted his son on tha shouldah, nodding at me. "Strife. You're looking a bit green."

"Thanks, Unc."

He shrugged. "I got used to it with Joxer. You remember how he was."

"How is he?" It was pretty much a form question. If anythin had been really wrong with tha consort of tha God of War all of tha civilized world and mosta tha universe woulda known about it.

"He's good."

"An' tha baby?"

Tha smile got broadah, but softah. "Perfect." Ares tickled Bliss. "But he'd like to see his nephew. Want to see Accord, Bliss?" Bliss nodded vigorously. "Come on, then."

We all followed him back inta tha temple ta Ares an' Joxer's livin quartahs.

Joxer was sittin on tha rumpled bed. He was wearin loose linen trousers an' a sorta floppy tunic insteada tha tight leathah breeches Unc likes ta see him in. He had a small bundle cradled in his arms, an' was whisperin to it. His expression was gentler an sweeter than I had evah seen it before. When we entered he looked up, an' his expression lighted with pleasure. "Hey."

"Hey, Mighty One." We went ovah. Cupe an' I each gave him a hug, then peeked at tha baby. Accord had lotsa fluffy black hair ovah a slightly squashed, reddish face. He was awake, starin up at us. His eyes were just turnin from that murky blue all new babys have. It looked like they were gonna be warm brown, like Joxer's.

Ares let Bliss down off his shoulders, an' tha little boy reached slowly toward tha baby, watchin Joxer. Joxer just smiled, makin no protest an' givin no cautions. Bliss let his palm barely touch tha fuzzy hair. He stroked, barely rufflin it, then he bent down an' pressed a grave, careful kiss on tha baby's forehead. Accord blinked. He wrinkled his forehead, pursed his tiny rosebud mouth, an' made a questioning, cooing sound. Bliss laughed.

Joxer looked at Ares, who nodded. "Bliss, would you like to hold the baby?"

Bliss's face lighted with joy. This time he didn't bounce--he DANCED. "CanIcanIcanI?"

"Strife, would you come sit here and help Bliss and me? Bliss, climb up and sit very close." Bliss did, an' I sat on his othah side, up close. "Hold out your arms." Joxer carefully laid Accord in Bliss's arms, across his lap.

I cupped one hand undah tha baby's downy head an' rested tha othah hand on tha kid's knee. That way I could stop tha baby if he started ta roll. Joxer did tha same on tha othah side.

We hadn't really needed ta bothah--Bliss did a champion job. He held Accord securely, not tryin ta shift him around, an' talked ta him. He told him about tha garden, an' tha butterflies, an' Mjauw, an' how they could have sleep-ovahs when he got bigger. Accord yawned, then drifted off ta sleep.

Cupid an' Ares had been talkin quietly. Now Ares said, "Look at that, Bliss--you got him to sleep. I have a hard time doing that. Let's put him to bed." Ares picked up Accord an' settled him in tha cradle beside tha bed.

"C'mon, son," Cupid said. "I'll take you to see your mom for a little while." As Bliss went to him, Cupid said, "Hon, how about staying over and visiting for a little while?"

*One less transport? Fine by me.* "Sure."

Ares gave Joxer a kiss. "Will you be all right if I go out for a few hours?"

"Of course. You'll have to leave us alone at some point, you know." Ares made a noise that might've meant 'oh, yeah?" then kissed Joxer again. He, Cupid, an' Bliss flashed out.

I was still sittin on tha bed by Joxer. We looked at each othah. I said, "So... now what? We swap recipes?"

Joxer laughed. "If you insist. I have an oyster stew that makes Ares hornier than a Cretin bull."

I snickered. "Why do I get tha feelin that YOU could get tha same reaction outta him with stewed prunes?"

Joxer wiggled his eyebrows. "It depends on how you use them." That brought up a coupla mental images that had me rollin on tha mattress, laughin. While I was wipin tears off my cheeks Joxer said, "Well? Over your snark attack?"

I sat up. "Yah. Thanks, man. I needed that." I had another giggle fit. "Prunes."

"Nice, squishy ones." His smile grew more serious. "How are you?"

I settled down. "Sick, mostly."

He nodded sympathetically. "I know what you mean There were times I was pretty sure I could tell you EXACTLY what my stomach lining looked like."

I groaned. "Fuck. Ya mean this is NORMAL?"

Joxer looked thoughtful. "Well, as normal as it's possible for something like this to BE, I suppose."

I rubbed my face. "I tell ya, Joxer, it ain't even been a month, an' I'm ready ta tear my hair out."

He eyed my 'do. "Looks like you've been trying."

I pointed at him. "Do NOT disrespect tha hair, smart ass." He grinned. "Cripes, how often does Unc spank you, anyway? My point is, I'm barely preggers..."

Joxer held up his hand. "Uh, news flash? No such thing, son-in-law. You are, or you aren't."

"I wanna argue about semantics, I'll go get Xena's blonde bard-bimbo. Tha point is, if it gets WORSE, why haven't tha chicks kicked our collective asses a long time ago? I mean, about tha tenth time I threw up, I started ta think that maybe tha Amazons weren't all THAT unreasonable."

Joxer scratched his head an' said slowly, "This isn't official, or researched, or anything, but I could tell you what I think, if you're interested."

"You're tha only othah guy, to tha best of my knowledge, who's evah been knocked up. Well, unless ya count that whole Athena springin from Zeus's head bit--an' I DON'T. I'da liked ta see HIM deal with a nine month headache, but I digress. Yah, I wanna hear what ya think." He blinked. "That means go ahead."

"Okay. I think that male pregnancies are LIKE female pregnancies, but not exactly. They're kinda more... intense." I lifted an eyebrow at him. "Think about it. Most of the discomfort women experience during pregnancy is because of the changes their bodies are going through, and how they adjust. There's a new life inside them, and the body doesn't understand this, and is basically freaking out."

I nodded. "Sounds logical."

He sat forward. "Okay, stay with me. A GUY gets pregnant. Now, if a woman's body, which is specifically DESIGNED for childbearing, freaks out... what type of response is a MALE body going to have to the same situation?"

I stared at him, my mouth hangin open. "So, what you're tellin me is that I'm in for nine months of my body havin anxiety attacks?" He nodded. I looked down at myself. "Shit. Aftah all tha crap we've been through tagethah, you're gonna let a BABY spaz ya out?"

I looked at Joxer again, settin my jaw. "All right, this is silly. I've managed ta ovahcome a shitload of problems in my life, an' I'm not gonna let a little thing like havin a bun in tha oven control me. I'M gonna take charge of this pregnancy."

I really, REALLY didn't like tha way he smiled at me...

Month Two: Tha Hormones Hit

I finished tha last bite of my roast chicken an' sat back with a contented burp. I eyed my hunsband, who was watchin me expectantly, a basin in one hand an' a wet cloth in tha othah. "I'm tellin ya, Cupe, ya can put tha spew-pot away. I haven't chucked for two days now--not even when we flashed ovah ta visit 'Dite."

"Are you sure, Strife?"

"Sheesh. Don't ya WANT me ta have a settled stomach?"

"Of course I do." Tha basin disappeared, an' he handed me tha cloth, which I used ta wipe my fingahs. "It's been making me wince, knowing that you weren't able to keep down much more than dry bread and water for the last month. I was starting to get worried about your health. Aslcepus says you need to eat a balanced diet to keep Lump healthy."

"His concept of balanced is a cauliflower in one hand an' a eggplant in tha othah. Ain't gonna happen."

"Look, like it or not, you are going to HAVE to start eating some vegetables."

"Fine. I'll have potatahs."

"They don't count. You should eat carrots, or turnips, or beets instead."

"Tha fuck you say. I say if they all grow undahground, they equal out."

"You make Bliss eat his vegetables."

"That's different--he's a kid. I'm a grown-up... STOP SNICKERIN! Ya thought I was grown-up last night, didn't ya?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Right. Anyway, I earned my right ta eat whatevah crap I want to now."

"A, not when it concerns the health of our baby, and B, when did you ever eat your vegetables when you were a kid? You kept sneaking them to Cerebus. Hades never COULD figure out why he had broccoli farts."

I giggled. "I thought they were gonna hafta evacuate tha underworld that time Unc punished me by givin me that pinto bean an' brussel sprouts stew. But yah, I guess you're right." I materialized a carrot an' took a big crunch out of it. Around tha mouthful I said, "Ya know, I've been toyin with tha idea of givin sentience ta at least one rabbit. He'd hafta be crazy, of course, but I think he could really drive tha hunters bugs. Whattaya think?"

Cupid rolled his eyes. "Oh, sure. And while you're at it, why don't you make him as big as a man, and able to talk? Then you could do the same thing with... with a duck."

I kissed him. "I know yer tryin ta be sarcastic, but ya really show a streak of genius sometimes."

That kiss was so nice that I gave 'im anotha one. This one lasted a lot longa. I may have mentioned before that gods don't hafta breath if they don't wanna, so we can do some pretty intense lip-lockin. I can kiss Cupe practically forevah. He's got a sweet,
spicy taste, kinda like cinnamon-sugah. I dunno, maybe that's just my perspective, but it's what ya might expect tha God of Romance ta taste like.

We took turns explorin each othahs mouths with our tongues. Well, explorin is tha wrong word, I guess. There wasn't a nook or bump on eithah of us that hadn't been fully explored already, so we were really revisitin familiah territory, but hey... we all have our favorite hang-outs. I went to a few more places where I had recently become a regulah, an' like all regulahs, I received a warm, enthusiastic welcome.

After a moment I rolled ovah on my tummy an' got up on my hands an' knees, wigglin my butt in tha most provocative manner I could, an I could be pretty fuckin provocative. Cupid started ta massage my cheeks, an' I groaned happily as he started ta drop soft little kisses on my ass. Damn, I LOVE it when he kisses ass.

After a moment I made a quick mental adjustment an' crooned, "Kew-pie... almond flavahed oil."

"You devil," he groaned.

"Ain't that wunna tha new concepts those Jewish guys are talkin about lately? Sounds pretty cool, but a little severe. Needs a sense of humour..." I hadda stop talkin, 'cause I can't really think in a straight line when Cupe has his tongue in my ass. Or ta be more precise, in an' OUT of my ass. *snicker*

It didn't take long for me ta get nice an' relaxed an' open. I started chantin, "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon." His hands gripped my hips, an' he moved up behind me. I felt him nudgin at my hole, one finger slippin inside. "C'MON!"

"Gah, hang on, lover. I'll give you one more." I shoved back, takin his fingahs inta me all tha way ta tha base. "Damn! Okay, okay." Tha fingahs were removed, an' he pressed his cock head there instead. I didn't give him time ta push in--I pulled tha same stunt I had a minute ago an' impaled myself.

He hissed, an' I heard his wings give a full, hard flap, beatin tha air. I couldn't help grinnin. "Gotcha."

"Oh, Hades YEAH, you got me!" He pulled back and thrust again. "And you're GOING to get me." Another thrust. "Again and again and again."

I tipped my hips so that he hit that special lil' place inside me with his next push... then I squeezed. Ya know, when he growls he sounds a lot like his Dad. Anyway, it did what I intended. He started lungin inta me as hard as he could, an' oo, baby! Lemme tell ya, sweet an' gentle is r-e-a-l nice, buuuuut...

We spent a few really good minutes sweatin an' thrashin. It was short, but intense. Cupe beat me, but only by one stroke. Tha feel of his release burstin inside me did it, an' I made a mess of tha sheets, an' his hand. Now, usually aftah this sorta
bout I'd spend some time actin like I was parchment an' Cupid was tha world's sexiest paperweight, but not since we found out I'm preggers. Insteada droppin on top of me he held me around tha waist an' rolled ta tha side, still inside me.

I made some clean sheets so we'd be comfortable... Well, I'D be comfortable. I love 'im, but I'm NOT gonna sleep in tha wet spot. By that time he was reachin up ta pet my face, an' I took hold of his writst an' licked his hand clean.

He sighed an' bit me on tha back of tha neck. "I love it when you do that, but I love almost everything you do."

We dozed off.

I woke up a few hours latah, not sure exactly. Time's sort of a fluid concept whene you're immortal, ya know? Anyway, I noticed that Cupe had rolled onta his back, which was fine by me except for one thing--he hadda pull outta my ass when he changed position. I was empty, an' that just didn't seem right.

I crawled down an' started sniffin an' lickin, but very softly. Cupe sighed an' shifted in his sleep, but only PART of him started ta wake up. Luckily it was tha right part. It didn't take me long ta get his cock nice an' hard again. I reached back an' fingered
my hole. Yep, still nice an' slick--neithah one of us had thought ta clean up aftah that last screw. I got on my knees an straddled his hips, reachin back ta grip his cock.

I slid tha head up an' down my crease, teasin myself, till I pressed it up against my entrance, then I sank down slowly. We both let out deep sighs as his long, thick prick slid up inside me. I'm still doin comparison tests, but I think THIS position gives me
maximum depth of penetration. Anyway, I ground down, cause I didn't want ta miss one teeny, tiny scrap of Cupid, then I started ta rise an fall.

He musta been tired. I was almost finished before he woke up. I was movin at a good clip when he blinked, an yawned. "Insults," I panted. "Nothin but insults. I gotta good mind ta cut ya off... aftah this one."

He grabbed my hips an' started ta thrust up, still kinda slow. "Baby, if I knew you were into necrophilia, I'd arrange for Hypnos to lay a DEEP sleep spell on me."

I kept bouncin. "Sounds cool. Crepe drapery, lostsa candles, a black marble slab." I came, gushin ovah his belly.

He paused. "Are you all right for me to finish?"

I kept movin. "Don't stop, or ya MIGHT just visit Thanatos early."

He kept fuckin, an' I bent back a little so he'd hit tha sweet spot on every thrust. Aftah a little while he gasped. "I don't believe this! Strife, are you getting hard AGAIN?"

I stroked my cock, which was rapidly aproachin full-fledged bonerhood. "Looks like." I reached down an' started ta play with his nipples, scrapin tha little buds gently with my nails. He shuddered, groanin, an' filled me again with his spunk. As he slowed down, then stopped, I said testily, "Crap! I ain't done yet!"

"Don't fuss, baby, don't fuss." He lifted me offa him, then turned on his stomach, foldin his wings so that tha tips kinda framed that glorious ass of his. I took tha invitation at once, spreadin his cheeks ta find that he'd already lubed himself for me. Damn, I
got a thoughtful hubby.

I was in a hurry, but I still took tha time ta make sure that he was opened up so it wouldn't be uncomfortable for him. I usedta believe that fuckin had ta involve pain on tha receivin end, but Cupe had patiently convinced me that it didn't hafta be like
that. Now when he moaned an' cried out as I fucked him, I knew it was for tha right reasons.

Not only is he thoughtful an' gorgeous, he's hot an' tight, too. IS there any bettah combination? I'd had tha edge taken off, so I fucked him long an' slow. He was murmurin with pleasure, but when I reached undah him, he was soft. "Whassa mattah, hon? Dont'cha love me any more?"

He sighed, "Hades's spades, Strife. It isn't that I don't appreciate you, it's just that it's a little soon for me."

"All right, I'll letcha off THIS time." I came with a grunt, spillin myself into his sweet core. I lay on toppa him for a little bit. His wings were spread out ta his sides, and I spent tha time strokin them, straightenin a few feathas that had gotten disarrayed. Tha aftah times are some of tha best parts.

Finally I got offa him an he pulled me inta his arms. I drifted off ta sleep like that, feelin at peace with tha world. I mean, I was comfortable, I had a cute stepkid who loved me, I had a spectacular husband who loved me, too, an' I had been sweetly an' thoroughly fucked. It just didn't get any bettah.

I woke up just about dawn. I put a nice windah in tha east side of tha room and watched the horizon startin ta turn pink an' gold. Eos was doin her thang. Tha girl does good work. I turned back ovah, landin on toppa Cupe, an started ta rub against him. He made a small, woofin sound. "Rise an' shine, sweetie. Well, at least RISE, huh?"

He peeled one eye open an' looked at me. "Zeus, Strife, AGAIN? What's gotten into you?"

"As if you didn't know."

He groaned. "I don't want to say no, but I'm feeling CHAFED." He pushed me offa him. When I whined he said, "Now, now. I'm not going to leave you stranded." He took hold of my cock an' began ta stroke me, quick an' firm. He knows how ta do it, an' it didn't take me long ta be buckin up inta his grip. I spilled quickly.

While I was gettin my breath back, Cupid stroked my hair. "Strife, you know that I love it when you're horny, which is most of the time, but this is getting a little excessive. I mean, I wouldn't ever want to pass up a chance to make love to you, but even gods have their limits. I'm going to start disappointing you, if you don't slow down a little. Seriously, what's got your motor running? I'm not any sexier than I was when we got married."

"Sez you. You're hotter every day--tha sexiness just keeps pilin up."

"I'm taking you to see Joxer again. Maybe he has some insight about this."

"I'm tellin ya, Cupe, this isn't a problem. Ya got a problem with havin sex with me?"

He sighed an' rolled his eyes. "Let's not talk about this right now."

"Why not?"

"Because despite the fact that I'm planning on taking you to check about your sped up sex drive, I don't want to risk the chance of getting you pissed enough to cut me off."

Practical, ya know?

We took Bliss with us, so he could visit Acord again. He insisted on bringin ball for tha baby. Cupe an' I told 'im that it would be a long time before Acord was old enough ta play with it, an' he said that was okay, that he an' Mjau could play with it till Acord was big enough. Practical, like his dad. *snicker*

Ares was off on business, an' Joxer was happy ta see us. Well, he's always happy ta have company, unless he's in tha middle of lovin up on Unc. We found him out in tha garden, sittin on a blanket undah a tree in tha shade, holdin Acord.

Bliss scampered right ovah ta them tha second his sandals hit tha ground. Mjau came boundin out of a clump of irises an' chased him down, nippin at his ankles. I dunno. Maybe with tha wings he thought he was a particularly big dove? Anyway, he wasn't harsh about it, an' he just made Bliss dance an' squeal.

I picked him up for a second. "Calm down, kiddo! Excited is fine, but you're a little too close ta Acord ta get so adgitated."

He calmed down quickly, looking at Joxer apologetically. "Sowwy, Joxie. 'Cord okay?"

Joxer had been looking a little anxious, but he smiled. "He's fine, sweetie. I know you'd never hurt him on purpose, but you have to remember to be a little careful. Now, come over and talk to Acord."

I deposited Bliss nexta Joxer, an' he held tha baby again. This time Acord seemed ta be payin attention ta him. It was warm, an Jox only had a light blanket wrapped around tha baby's legs. He waved his plump little arms an' batted Bliss on tha chin. Bliss blinked in surprise, then laughed. He looked gleefully at Joxer an' said, "He gonna be like Granpa 'Res?"

We all gotta laugh outta that. Joxer chuckled. "Um, well, he has a lot of Ares in him, but I think he's going to be a little less... vehement. After all, he IS going to be the God of Mediation."

"Yah?" I stroked tha baby's downy head an' crooned, "Oo, you an' me are gonna have dealins latah on, kiddo."

Cupid picked up the baby an' said, "Bliss, why don't you go and see if you can interest Mjau in that ball? If he's going to be taking care of it for Acord, he should know how to use it."

That got Bliss on tha othah side of tha garden, rollin tha ball on tha grass an' watchin tha kitten chase it, then wrestle with it. It was funny as Hades, 'cause tha ball was almost as big as tha cat.

Cupe an' me sat down with Joxer, Cupid hoistin tha baby up ta lay against one big shouldah. He said, "We need to talk to you about a developement. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with Strife's pregnancy, but I'm reluctant to talk to Asclepius about it."

Joxer frowned. "Cupid, if there's anything at ALL wrong, you have to tell him immediately."

Cupid shrugged, makin baby Acord coo. He took a second ta kiss tha baby's soft cheek, then said, "It isn't exactly that something's WRONG, Jox. It's more... more..."

"More like too much of a good thing," I finished for him.

I swear, I almost heard a gear click inta place in Joxer's brain. "Ohhh." He grinned, then looked at Cupid. "Wearing you out, is he?"

THA GOD OF LOVE CAN STILL BLUSH!

I wanted ta just jump his ass right then an' there, but I'd hafta get him ta put tha baby down first.

Cupid was speakin again. "Don't laugh. When we talked to Asclepius he said that anything out of the ordinary should be reported, and, well..." He looked at me, an' tha blush deepened. Ooo. I felt so sexy. Tired or not, I was gettin inta his leathah pants when we got home. "It's not exactly abnormal. I mean, he's normally randy..."

I blew him a kiss. "I love ya, too, Sweetcheeks."

"but the last few days he's gone into overdrive. Strife, baby, I love you to death, but my tailfeathers are starting to drag."

Joxer shook his head. "Zeus, this reminds me so much of what went on with Ares and I during the first couple of months of MY pregnancy."

I snorted. "Ya don't mean ta say that Unc had a hard time keepin up with ys?" His smile broadened. "Why, you lecherous bastard!" I snickered. "Man, I can't wait ta..."

"I wouldn't advise you to say anything to Ares about this," Joxer cautioned. "He got a little touchy about it. The idea of not being able to fully satisfy his lover did NOT sit well with him. He tried." Joxer sighed voluptuously, eyes half closed in fond
rememberance. "Oh, boy, did he try! Bless 'im, he was RAW after about two weeks."

He shook himself. "Anyway, we came through it, and so will you. This won't last forever. Remember what I told you before, Strife?"

"About my body havin anxiety attacks?"

"Yes. This is part of it. Your hormones are over-active, that's all."

"Hormones?"

"Yes. You know what hormones are, don't you?"

"Tha sounds comin from a room just aftah a tavern wench and a barbarian go in?"

"Uh... yeah. But there's another definition. Asclepius explained it to me. You know how you have blood and bile and other liquids in your body?" I nodded. "Well, you have hormones in there, too. Hormones are the stuff that contol things like
energy--sexual energy included. Well, youre pregnancy has caused your hormones to start doing a happy dance. Consequently, you're hornier than a twenty point stag."

I shrugged. "Fine. Good a reason as any, I s'pose."

Cupid looked relieved. "So it's nothing to worry about?"

"No, not really. Strife, your body should settle down in a week or so, but it's going to be awful annoying if you don't find a way to work through it."

Cupid nodded. "Yeah. Uneven sex drives can put a strain on a marriage. Just ask Hera and Zeus." He sighed. "So, what are we going to do? I don't want Strife to suffer."

"You could do what we did, I suppose. Wait just a minute." He got up an' went inta tha temple. I took tha baby. I figured I'd bettah start ta get used ta dealin with an infant. How hard could it be?

*looks around* Did ya hear that? I dunno, it sounded kinda like tha Fates laughin themselves sick.

Joxer was back in a minute, carryin a wooden box. He handed this ta Cupid. "This should help." Cupid opened it. Did I tell ya he could blush? Ya wouldn't think it would show so much with his tan.

"What?" Joxer took tha baby, an' Cupid silently handed tha box ta me. I peeked inside. It was lined with black velvet, an MAN, you shoulda seen what was layin on that velvet! I reached out an touched it with one fingah tip. "That is SO realistic. If it wasn't for tha colah, I'd expect it ta get biggah when I touched it, not that it isn't plenty big enough as it is."

It was a cock. Uh-uh, don't get all green an' squeamish. Unc doesn't collect souvenieahs. No, it wasn't a real one--it was gold."

"I asked him why he didn't go for brass instead, but he said nothing but the best for me." Joxer pointed. "Look at the base. You can unscrew it and fill it with hot water to warm it. He's so thoughtful. Anyway, you can use this as a stop-gap till your
hormones settle back down. You'll be satisfied, and Cupid can get a little rest."

I ran my fingahs ovah it again. "Joxer, you are a lifesavah."

"Don't get too attached--I'll want it back. That's a very important part of our toy collection."

Cupid looked at the golden cock, interested. "Um, Strife? Do you think that you might... I mean, maybe tonight you could..."

I grinned at him, closin tha box. "Showtime."

Month 3

"I have a favor to ask."

I eyed Unc. "Favah as in 'I owe ya one'?"

He scowled. "I suppose so."

"I'm listinin." Hey, havin tha God of War owe me? You damn betcha!

"First, are you feeling all right? Nausea hasn't come back, has it?"

"Nah, I'm fine." I grinned. "Specially tha
digestion."

"Good. I just wanted to be sure that you were all right before I asked."

I watched him. "Ya got somethin strenuous for me ta do? Is it that border war ya started last week? Ya need someone ta take care of the fringe elements?"

"No, it's not that, and it shouldn't be physically stressful, especially with Cupid here to help you."

"It's gonna take botha us? What is it?"

"I just want you to watch Acord for me."

"Ya, sure. What time dya want me ta come ovah?"

"I don't. I'll be bringing him here."

THAT surprised me, but then again, Acord was almost four months old now. I s'pose they hadta start takin him out sometimes. "Okay." I wiggled my eyebrows at him. "So, ya figgerin on takin Joxie out ta paint tha town?"

"No. I'm figureing on staying at home with him."

"Aha! Ya want a little quality time with yer sweetie, huh? I can understand that."

"Understand this--I want a LOT of quality time with him. You're keeping Acord overnight."

My jaw dropped. "Ovahnight? Entirely ovahnight? Ya mean like sunset ta sunrise?

"More like sunset to high noon. I intend to fuck Joxer so hard and long and so many times that neither one of us is going to be able to be easily upright before then."

"Unc!" Eh, so it was pretend shock. I couldn't let that pass, could I?

"I don't want to dim the future for you, Strife, but you might as well know right now--if you have a new baby in the house it can sometimes play havoc with your sex life. I love Acord with all my heart, but sometimes he makes loving Joxer physical, whom I ALSO love with all my heart, a little difficult." He sighed. "That child could very well be the God of Mistiming. He hasn't quite learned the art of sleeping through the night. His feedings are getting a little farther apart, but I haven't had an
uninterrupted blowjob for weeks, and fucking is entirely out of the question. The one time we tried, Acord got a colic bubble just as I was about to slam it home." He leaned toward me an' said confidentially, "You know, they don't ACTUALLY turn
blue, but it sure FEELS like it."

"Say no more. I know Cupe won't mind, an' Bliss will... Well, he'll be blissed."

"Cupid won't mind what?" My big, beautiful blonde strolled inta tha room, wearin Bliss around one leg. He barely limped.

"Watchin yer brothah ovahnight."

"Cord?" Bliss squealed. He let go of Cupe so that he could dance around tha room. I made a note ta speak ta Terpsechord about givin him lessons, if he was interested. Dancin was bound ta be an asset ta tha God of Happiness an' Joy.

"Yes, baby, Acord. Sure, Pops, bring him on." He gently disengaged Bliss, saying, "There's ink and parchment and a new quill in your room. Why don't you go make a picture?"

"Yeah!" He hurried ovah an' hugged Ares an' me. "I draw a picture of 'pollo's temple, 'kay?"

"Um, sure, kid, if that's what ya want." Tha horses I coulda understood, but whatevah he wanted was fine.

He ran off. As soon as he was gone Cupid shook a finger at Ares, smilin, and said, "If you're planning what I think you're planning, you'd better take some precautions unless you want Joxer to give Acord a baby brother or sister right away."

Ares shuffled. "Actually, for what I have planned, I'd better take precautions for both of us."

Cupid blinked. "More than I needed to know, Dad."

I elbowed him. "C'mon, Cupe. I think it's cute. I mean, ya ain't prejudice 'bout who's on first when WE get tagethah."

"I know, but it's just a little startling, thinking about Dad... Strife, doesn't the idea of your Mom having sex give you just the least little... uh... squiggle?"

"Cupe, my Mom is Dischord, 'kay? Mayhem an' chaos is her stock in trade, an sex pro'lly isn't too much different. Have ya seen tha way Auto walks sometimes? I've gotten useta squiggles when I think 'bout parental indulgence."

"Much as I enjoy the idea of family therapy..." Ares started.

"If yer buckin ta add God of Sarcasm ta ya roster, Unc, I gotta warn ya that I have it sewed up."

"I'll be right back with Acord--if I can pry him out of Joxer's arms."

Cupe frowned. "Pops, if he isn't ready..."

"He's ready. He's already agreed. I'm just anticipating a little first time seperation anxiety. If all else fails I'll have to resort to the secret
weapon."

"Ya mean...?"

"Yes." He materialized a peacock feather. "Tickling."

(FLASH!)

I looked at Cupid. "Damn, he's serious about this."

"Let's go see what Bliss is up to. I have a sneaking suspicion that a good bit of that ink is going to end up on Bliss instead of the paper."

"You g'wan. I'll be right there." I watched him leave, then reached undah that mattress. I came up with a handful of crumbs. "Crap. Ya'd think that fruitcake would hold up bett'rn that." That tore it. I decided that from now on, if someone had a fruitcake durin a seige they'd have a hard time decidin between eatin it an' usin it in tha catapults ta crack enemy skulls.

I ate it anyway. I'd been goin nuts, thinkin about that slab undah Unc's butt. Well, technically undah tha MATTRESS undah his butt, but as bad as I wanted that cake, it wouldn'ta made much difference. Unc had showed up unexpectedly (well, DUH. Was there any OTHAH way?), an' I didn't have enough ta share, so I had ta hide it, quick. Then Unc sat on it.

I hadda wait till Cupe was outta tha room because he'd been gettin downright UNREASONABLE about my diet lately. I loved him, but I was about ta scream from tha healthy crap. I'd already put a curse on spinach--every kid from now on was gonna HATE it.

I was lickin tha last of tha crumbs offa my fingers when Cupid came back in. "I was right--he looked like one of those savages from that land Ceasar conquored awhile back--Britain, is it? His face was half blue." He eyed me suspiciously. "Why do you look so guilty?"

"Do I need a particular reason, with all tha crap I pull in my line of work?"

"Mm." He came over an' gave me a big, DEEP kiss. "Ah-ha! Citron."

"You sneak!" I yelled. "No fair kissin just ta bust me. Besides, it was FRUITcake, okay? Yer always aftah me ta eat fruit."

"Not when it's held together by a pound each of sugar and butter, and..." He grabbed me an' did tha kiss thing again. I was breathless when he lifted his head, but he kinda spoiled tha moment by sayin, "AND spirits!"

"Aw, geez, don't start! I gave up wine, didn't I?"

"You can have a little ale."

"BLEH!"

He blinked. "Excuse me, did you just say 'bleh' to ale?"

"Yah. Nasty stuff."

He felt my forehead. "Sweetheart, are you SURE you feel all right?"

"I'm fine, except for this freakin diet. You have turned inta such a NAZI about it."

"Nazi?"

"Ya won't udahstand for a coupla thousand years, but trust me--it fits."

"Well, I had to do SOMETHING. Honestly, your food choices had gotten so bizarre."

"Whattaya mean?"

"There was the banana phase."

"Bananas are good for yah."

"Not for every mean and inbetween meal snacks for three days, their not."

"That wasn't ALL I ate."

"That's right--you DID slice them and pour milk over them once. Then there was the fish. What was up with that?"

"Another healthy choice."

"Sure--when they're cooked."

"I learned it from wunna those Niponese spirit foxes. He was consultin me in a professional capacity."

"If I knew he was inciting you to eat raw fish, I would have tied his bushy tail in a knot. Bliss tried to swallow one of the goldfish out of Joxer's pond after he saw that. What about the snails?"

"Got tha recipe from wunna Unc's mercenaries from Gual, an' I COOKED them."

"I don't care. If it squishes when you step on it, it shouldn't be considered protien."

I crossed my arms, tuckin my chin. "I can't help it."

Cupid sat next to me an' hugged me. "I know, babe. It's the pregnanacy. Dad had to keep a full pickle barrel in the temple while Joxer was carrying. He also developed an addiction to deep-fried pig skin. BOY, did it smell strong around there."

I perked up. "Deep-fried pig skins? They'd get real crunchy, wouldn't they?"

"NO, Strife."

I put tha whine in my voice. "Hon-eyyy..."

"ONE batch. I'll have Dad ask Joxer to whip some up for you when he can walk straight again."

Ares appeared with Acord cradled in his arms and two bulging bags at his feet. I went ta him an' took tha baby, glancin down. "I thought ya were stayin home, so why are ya packed?"

"What packed? This is what Joxer figures you'll need to take care of Acord for about fourteen hours." He started ticking off on his fingahs. "Diapers, shirts, blankets, salve, powder, nursing flasks, special formula, teething ring..."

Cupid looked surprised. "He isn't teething yet, is he?"

"Not yet, but Joxer believes in being prepared. Scrolls in case he wants to be read to, a rattle in case he needs to be amused, booties in case his feet get cold, miniature portraits of Joxer and I incase he gets lonely for us... a-n-d aproximately sixty or so
other things I couldn't identify. Look, I have to go, or Joxer is going to start without me."

(Flash!)

I chucked Acord undah tha chin an' cooed, "Yer Daddy's gonna get some, kiddo--both of 'em."

"Strife..."

"Hey, it's important for a kid ta know that his parents have a lovin relationship. Isn't it, booger?" I made a face at tha baby. He smiled. "Cupe, LOOK! He likes me!"

Cupid sat by me an' put his chin on my shouldah, watchin tha baby. "Of course he does. He's no fool--he knows 'lovable' when he sees it."

"He does?" I looked at Acord. "Don't worry, sweetcheeks. Hephastus does these things called 'spectacles' that should help."

(FLASH!)

Ares, very naked an' pretty damn ticked off, was standin there. "Uh, Unc, ya forget somethin?"

"Yes, I did." He dropped Mjau on tha bed, an' rubbed his ass. "I forgot that Joxer's cat can't resist a moving target."

(FLASH!)

"Oh, shit! Take tha baby, take tha baby!" I handed Acord off ta Cupid an' spent tha next coupla minutes rollin on tha floor, bein hystericle.

"Strife, that isn't funny!"

"Yah, it is, trust me! Tha balls--maybe that woulda deserved just a wince, but tha butt? Laugh-city!"

Cupid rolled his eyes, but I could see that he was fightin a smile. "Come on, Acord." He stood up, cradling Acord in one arm, and scooped Mjau up with the other. "C'mon, Acord. We'll take Mjau in to see Bliss while your Uncle Strife gets himself under control."

I called aftah him, "But I'm no FUN when I'm controled." As soon as he disappeahed I materialized a big chunk of mint flavahed rock candy an' started slurpin it. It was good, but it wasn't quite what I wanted, so I set it aside an' tried some herbed goat cheese. That wasn't right, eithah, so I tried some almond stuffed candied figs, an' that wasn't quite right, so I thought about those pickles Joxer had liked, an' then I tried smearin that goat cheese on tha pickle, then rollin it in that crushed rock candy...

"STRIFE, what are you EATING?"

"Nuffin."

"'Nuffin'?'" Cupid, Acord cradled in one arm, strode ovah ta me, grabbed my jaw an' squeezed. My mouth popped open. "ZEUS! What are you trying to do to yourself?"

"It sounded like a good idea at tha time."

"Baby..."

"Look, Cupe I KNOW it's bad for me, but I can't help it! Ya been lettin me have NOTHIN but heathy stuff for, like, two months now. I'm goin crazy. I gotta have some junk food. I mean, I half lived on it mosta my life, I can't just STOP."

"But this uncontroled scarfing can't continue. Even if you WEREN'T pregnant, I'd be worried."

"If I could just find tha ONE thing that would satisfy me, an' I could have a little every day, I could handle it."

"You think that there's one thing that will satisfy you?"

"I think so. Every time I try somethin I think 'That ain't it.'"

"We'll ask around. One of the gods or goddesses is bound to be able to help us figure this out."

"Ya think? I hadn't exactly noticed a trend toward infallability around Olympus, no mattah what tha mortals think." I crawled up ta sit nexta Cupid. "So, where's tha Spawn of War an' Peace gonna sleep tanight?"

"I'll zap him up a nice little cradle next to the bed."

I smiled. "Ya do realize that if ya do that, yer gonna hafta let Bliss sleep with us, like he's been askin?"

He frowned a little. "I don't see why?"

"Hello? We don't have a God or Goddess of Jealousy yet, but if we did, that situation would generate a lot of energy for 'em."

He sighed. "I guess you're right. I suppose he can sleep with us tonight. That means..."

I made a kissy face at him. "That means nunna that. Now, dya understand why yer Dad wanted us ta babysit?"

*****

[[Don't ask me HOW I know this happened, 'kay? Just be glad I managed ta get it for ya, ya perverts. Zeus, I love yer dirty minds...]]

(FLASH!)

"Honey, we forgot to send Acord's stuffed Pegasus with him. Maybe you could flash on over and OOF!"

Ares had landed on top of Joxer. "No, I will NOT make another trip over there. Bliss has several tons of toys he can share, and Acord can't even HOLD the Pegasus yet."

"But he likes to LOOK at it."

Ares straddled Joxer, who was also naked. He made sure their cocks were lined up, then started humping. "If you still want me to do it in five minutes, I will."

Joxer sighed, beginning to undulate. "Ooo, you don't play fair."

"Not about this. I'm starting to feel like one of Rome's fucking Vestal Virgins."

Joxer bit him lightly on the shoulder. "The whole point about Vestal Virgins are that they are NON-fucking, and you, thank Zeus, in NO way resemble a virgin. Can I have a beard massage?"

"Perfect start." Ares gave Joxer's neck a quick, sucking kiss, then rubbed his face against it. He moved down to his shoulder, then to his chest, stroking him with his beard. Joxer squirmed and moaned as he brushed it across his nipples. When they had reisen to stiff peaks he spent a few moments licking and nibbleing the little buds, then continued down.

Joxer giggled as the hair tickled down his abdomen, especially when his lover paused to dart his tongue into his navel. That got such a good reaction that Ares held his hips down and tongue fucked the little dimple till Joxer was helplessly laughing and tugging at his hair. He didn't stop till he felt a warm, damp nudge under his chin, announcing his husband's thorough arousal.

Ares moved over fractionally and nipped at Joxer's twitching abdomen. Joxer was trying to push his head down, and Ares said, "Babe, don't be in such a hurry."

"I just thought you might not want to... there..."

Ares looked up the length of Joxer's slender body. "Baby, are you still worried about that? I told you--you got your figure back." He stroked the smooth skin of Joxer's belly. "And you DON'T have stretch marks. That salve 'Dite gave you worked wonders, and I sure as hell enjoyed rubbing it into your skin every day. We'll have to make sure that Cupid and Strife get some of that. Anyway, you aren't as sexy as you were before you had Acord."

"I'm not?" Joxer's voice was tiny.

"No." Ares grinned. "You're sexier."

"YOU!" Joxer slapped at him, but he was grinning, and Ares ducked.

"I can't help it. Strife and I ARE related, you know. Now, where were we? Oh, I remember now. You're dick was bumping me under the chin." Ares scrubbed his way down, then stroked up and down the length of Joxer's rigid prick with his beared cheek.

The giggles were mingled with gasps now. "Ares, please..."

Ares gripped Joxer's cock, let his moustache tickle the slick head for a moment, then took it between his lips and flicked his tongue over it. Joxer groaned and pushed forward. Ares didn't hold him this time, but let Joxer begin to slowly and gently fuck his mouth. Ares relished the taste and feel of his lover for a moment, then pulled off. When Joxer whined in complaint, he said, "Hold on, just a second, darlin'."

He moved up till he was straddling Joxer's chest, then took his hand and pulled it around behind him. Joxer felt his fingers guided up into the narrow crease of Ares's ass, and he felt slickness. "Open me up," Ares whispered. "I want you inside me the first time we make love tonight."

Joxer murmured his approval, and slowly sank one finger deep into his lover's anus. Ares bit his lip. He wasn't the passive partner as often as Joxer, and sometimes it took him a little while to relax enough, but he loved it. Joxer, espite his complaint a moment ago, was gentle and patient. While he worked a second finger into Ares's tight back passage, he leaned forward and kissed and licked his lover's weeping cock. Ares moaned happily as Joxer swept his tongue into the tiny slit, gathering the clear pre-come that oozed from it.

When Joxer found and stroked his prostate, Ares quickly gripped his own cock at the base, closing his eyes and gritting his teeth in concentration. "Love?" whispered Joxer.

"Not yet. I want you inside me when I come."

"Then let's not wait any more."

Ares moved off him and got on his hands and knees, spreading his legs wide. "Fuck me, Joxer," he said hoarsely. "I need you so bad."

Joxer moved up to knee behind him. "Need you, too, 'Res." He spread Ares's taut butt-cheeks, bent, and kissed the slightly loosened pucker. Ares whimpered as he felt his lover's tongue slide into him. Then Joxer straightened, pressed his glans to the slick opening, and slowly slid into the the tight, welcoming flesh.

Ares shuddered, and Joxer rubbed his back, whispering, "Okay, 'Res?"

"So good, lover."

Joxer held his hips and began to fuck him with long, slow strokes. "No one like you, 'Res. No one in the world or on Olympus like you."

Ares thrust back to meet his strokes, relishing the fullness and heat of Joxer's cock plunging into him. As he had many times before, he assured his lover, "Only you, Jox. No one else but you has ever had me like this, no one else ever will." Before they came together, Ares had taken many lovers, both male and female, but he had never allowed another man to mount him--he had never respected and trusted one enough to offer that final intimacy. It had been awhile before he had felt comfortable enough with his love for Joxer to take that step, but when he had, he hadn't regretted it.

Joxer released his grip on one of Ares's hips and reached under their moving bodies to find and grip his lover's lust swollen cock. He began to stroke him--a little roughly, like Ares preferred. With his other hand he pressed down on Ares shoulders so that he dropped to his elbows. As he had anticipated, this tilted his lover's pelvis so that Joxer's cock scored a direct stroke across his prostate with every thrust.

Ares cried out, eyes squeezing shut, and began to buck back against Joxer frantically. Joxer increased the speed and strength of his strokes till he was smacking fiercely against Ares's butt, stabbing into him deeply. Ares's voice rose in a yell as strong as any he'd ever uttered going into battle, and he came, pouring his seed over Joxer's quick moving hand.

Joxer suddenly jerked out of the tight clasp of Ares's body and sprayed his own come across the quivering, pinkened flesh of Ares's ass. They both collapsed, winding into a panting, sweat slick, come sticky tangle of flesh. When he could speak clearly again, Ares said, voice joking, "Why did you pull out? Don't you love me anymore?"

"Because," Joxer gestured at two goblets sitting on their night stand. "We got so preoccupied that neither one of drank the potion to prevent conception." He reached behind his husband, playfully dipping one finger into his still relaxed asshole. "And a year of changing dirty diapers at a time is all I want, thank you very much."

"Huh."

"ONE of us has to be practical."

"Mm. Well, let's drink it. We'll have a few minutes of napping, then I'll PRACTICALLY fuck you through the mattress. How does that sound?"

Joxer kissed him and grinned. "Sounds like a plan to me, and I guess Acord can do without the Pegasus for one night."

*****

Bliss bounced inta tha room, carryin a parchment. "I done." He climbed up on tha bed with me, Cupe, an' Acord. Mjau trotted aftah him, then found a chunk of that goat cheese I'd dropped earliah. I blinked up a big litterbox for him on tha far side of tha room. He was gonna need it latah.

"Lemme see tha masterpeice." He handed it ta me. I was expectin tha usual kid drawing of a temple. You know--a rectangle with a triangle on top, a square for a door, an' sticks in front for columns. Instead it looked like a big rectangle with lots of lines an' squares in it. "What's this, kiddo?"

"That's 'pollo's temple. See?" He started ta point. "That's the front door, an' that's the back door. Here's the alter, an' here's where the priests sleep, an' here's the treasure room, an' here's that funny hidey-hall that goes from there to outside, an'..."

"Hold it." I looked closer. "Hidey-hall?" I showed it to Cupe. "Cuz, tell me that's not a floor plan, an' THAT'S not a secret passage."

Cupid looked close, then said, "Sweety, this is kind of an unusual picture. What made you decide to draw it?"

"Auto ast me."

Cupe an' me exchanged looks. "He did, huh?"

"Yeah. I told 'im 'bout how I found the hidey-hall the last time I was playin' hide an' seek from 'pollo's priests."

Cupe looked at me. "Don't blame me. I just told tha kid ta amuse himself if he got bored while Shine Boy was watchin him." I grinned at Bliss. "Tell ya what, Sweetpea. Next time ya see Auntie Eris, ya give this to her an' tell her just what ya told us."

"Will she give it to Auto?"

"Oh, she'll give it to Auto, all right."

(FLASH!)

"Hello, dear."

"Granma!" Bliss scrambled down an' went ta tug at 'Dite's scanty toga. "Come see! Cord is spendin the night."

She came over. "I know, dear. I was just went over to his daddies' temple to visit the baby and he wasn't there. Ares told me where to go." She arched an eyebrow. "Very colorfully, I might add. There he is!" She bent over ta kiss tha baby's head, cooing ta him.

"I'm glad you're here, Mom. We need to ask your advice."

She sat down, a chair materializin undah her butt before she could fall. "Ask away, dear."

"It's Strife's diet, or rather LACK of a diet. He's been gorging on the strangest things."

"I don't wanna hurt Lump..."

"Lump?" she asked.

Bliss patted my tummy. "Lump."

"Ah, yes. Of course."

"Anyway," I continued. "I can't help it. It's like I gotta have somethin, but I don't know what it is, an' I can't have any peace till I find it. If I could just figure out what it was and get a little of it when I needed it, I could handle tha othah *shudder* healthy shit."

She studied me. "Mmm. Well, since you asked me, I may be able to help. I DO know of one particular food that is the most soothing, uplifting, satisfying thing I can think of. It's my own invention, and I haven't revealed it to the world yet."

"Why not?" I asked, curious.

"Because this is powerful stuff, Strife. If it fell into the wrong hands..." She shook her head. "It can bring people together, or tear them apart. The first by the gifting and accepting, the second by... Well, let's just say that there are going to be people who will not take kindly to being deprived of it by anyone else."

Cupid looked worried. "Are you sure we should try this?"

"It's harmless, darling, and I think it will do Strife a lot of good, so I'm going to go ahead and supply him. Strife, I'm only going to give you a limited supply of this each day--when you eat it, that's it."

"Okay, I can do that. As long as I have some of somethin that will satisfy these cravins at least for a little while."

"All right." A box, wrapped in gold paper, appeared on her lap, an' she handed it ta me.

I opened tha box. There were a lotta little dark brown lumps nestled in little parchment cups. At first they looked like somethin that woulda been dug out of Mjau's box. Well, not aftah tha goat cheese, but ya know what I mean. I sniffed it suspiciously.
They SMELLED good, anyway. "What are these?"

"Truffles."

I wrinkled my nose. "Ya mean those fungus things pigs dig up?"

"No, dear. I just call them truffles because they look a little like those others. Try one."

I gingerly picked one up an' took a nibble. My eyes got as big as plates. Tha most incredible taste spread through my mouth--sweet an' rich. I took a bite, then anothah. I think my eyes rolled up in my head. I heard Cupe say, "Mom! What are those things?"

"They're made out of chocolate. They trigger feelings that are a great deal like joy and love."

"And sex. He gets that expression on his face when he has an orgasm. Strife?"

"Open yer mouth."

"Strife, I..."

"Open yer mouth, Feathahs." He did. I popped one in his mouth. "Chew." He did. I saw tha look spread ovah his face. "If yer real, real nice ta me, I'll share it with ya sometimes." I picked up anothah one an' started ta eat it--slowly. "Thanks, 'Dite. Ya saved my sanity, if not my life. Would ya like a partner when ya get ready ta release these? I got some suggestions--nuts, cherries..."

Month Four

I woke up with Cupid's hand wrapped around my hard dick. This is just about tha BEST way of wakin up I can imagine. Um, unless ya wanna change 'hand' ta 'lips'--that's good, too. Unfortunately, I wasn't in any condition ta savor tha moment. "Lemme go, Cupe."

He batted his eyelashes at me. Lemme tell ya, when it comes ta stirrin breezes, they're almost as effective as his wings. "Don't you love me anymore?"

I grabbed his hair an' pulled him down for a nice, juicy kiss. It was meant as an apology, but I guess I shoulda sent roses, cause he took it as encouragement an' squeezed. Like I said before, any othah time... "Cupe, I'm serious. Lemme go."

"Since when do you turn down a hand-job?"

"Since Lump gave me tha bladder control of a hyperactive puppy that just spotted Timmy comin home from school. Lemme up before I embarass myself. Just so's we're clear, I ain't been embarrassed by my sexual functions for awhile, but wettin tha bed..."

He let go. I got up an' materialized a chamber pot, an'... Huh? Yeah, I take whizzes in front of him. Gah, we're married. You lock tha bathroom door all tha time on YOUR old man? Ya do? Prude.

Anyway, I *ahem* unburdened myself for, like, oh, I don't know... Ten? Twelve minutes. Seemed like that, anyway. When I was done I sniffed, an' wrinkled my nose. "All right, Cupe, I'm eatin tha damn vegetables, but no more fuckin asparagus, 'kay?"

"Fine. We'll concentrate on the spinach."

I sighed, flashin tha pot away. "Why do I do this ta myself?"

He reached out an snagged my by my softenin prick "So you can be healthy and we can do THIS a lot." He started strokin.

I moaned. "Ya know, if ya had used this argument from tha start, ya nevah woulda found mustard greens undah tha sofa cushions."

"Only you would hide them rather than just dematerializing them."

"Gotta set a good... bad? Anyway, I gotta set an example for Bliss. Oo, that's nice."

He was sittin on tha edge of tha bed. Now he took hold of my hips an' pulled me closah. He stroked me between his palms, an' blew a warm stream of air ovah my flushed cockhead. "I'm a very nice person--just ask anyone."

I slid my hands inta his hair as he opened his mouth an' took me inside. This is how considerate tha man is--I don't even hafta beg for sex. Don't try an' tell me that doesn't happen in othah marriages. An' he's just as horny as I am, Zeus bless 'im. Wake-up sex, afternoon delight, aftah-dinner sex, of course your expected before-sleep sex, midnight snacks *giggle*... What else? There's special occasion sex. You shoulda seen tha screwin he gave me for our one week anniversery. Wait a minute... DID you see that? You people are around so much sometimes I forget... Nevah mind. It ain't like I'm not an exhibitionist,
right? Then there's maybe my favorite--just because sex. I still haven't had 'I'm sorry sex' or 'make up' sex, but I s'pose we will eventually. Aftah all, no couple has tha perfect relationship, shit happens, an' gods stay married a LONG fuckin time.

This, howevah, was fast sex time. It was mornin, an' we still hadn't figured out a good way ta keep Bliss in his room until all, um, activities were safely outta tha way. Tha thing about Cupe is he can make it last, or he can make it HAPPEN--when he gets goin I don't have a snowballs chance in Heph's forge of makin tha decisions. When he reached up an' tickled me behind tha balls, then slid a fingah inta my crease an tickled me tha OTHAH sensitive place, I gave 'im an organic throat wash. This time I made a sound like Mjau did tha last time Bliss accidentally tromped on his tail.

Cupe swallowed an' said anxiously, "I didn't bite, did I, babe?"

I kissed him. "I won't know till my brain comes back, but I don't THINK so. Excuse me." I materialized a pot an' took anotha whizz. He blinked. "Don't look at me like that. It ain't intended as an insult."

"I know, but DAMN, babe. How much juice did you drink last night?"

"Not all THAT much. Just enough ta wash down tha watermelon."

"Uh huh. How much watermelon?"

I fidgeted. "Just one, an' don't look at me like THAT, eitha. It's got zero fat an' salt, an' not all that many calories, cause it's almost all watah, an'..." I slowed down. "Oh."

He kissed me. "Don't worry about it. You didn't wet the sheet." He snickered. "Well, not THAT way, anyway."

"Yer a dirty old man, an' I love ya for it."

"What do you have planned for today?"

"Not much. Actually, I'm ahead. I managed ta get tha estrus cycle of every mare in Ceasar's army ta sync so that they was in heat on tha day he reviewed his troops--mounted on his stallion." I laughed. "Tha jerk almost got a broke leg because he was too stubborn ta give in up an' dismount when his ride decided ta do some mountin of his own. Aftah a coup like that, I deserva a coupla days off. I figured me an' Bliss would just bum around, maybe have a picnic somewhere. Posiedon's mermaids have been beggin ta see him an teach him ta swim, so I thought a trip ta tha beach."

Cupid frowned. "I'm not sure I want him trying to learn to swim. It's pretty dangerous."

"More dangerous than NOT knowin how ta swim? Stay away from Plato with that kinda talk, cuz. It ain't very logical."

"Well, he's a GOD--it's not like he's going to drown."

"Haven't ya evah heard about not temptin tha Fates? Those broads can be kinda capricious." I looked up quickly, an said, very loudly, "Not that that's a BAD thing." We both waited. Nothin melted or exploded. I didn't grow anythin unsightly. I heaved a sigh of relief.

"Anyways, since he can't drown, why worry? He ain't gonna be let out far enough for anythin nasty ta get at him, an' if any of 'em DID... Can ya imagine them doin anythin against wunna ol' Seaweeds kin without bein expressly DIRECTED ta do it?"

"You're right--they'd end up either poached, en brochette, or deep fried."

"Quit talkin dirty ta me, or I'll nevah get out of tha bedroom."

He grabbed me around tha waist an' rested his chin on my tummy. "Fate worse than death." He turned his head so that his ear was just ovah my belly button.

Bliss came in, rubbin his eyes an' yawnin. I've always been good at dressin quick--came in handy, considerin some of tha beds I spent time in, know what I mean? I had on a loose pair of linen pants by tha time he got tha sleep outta his eyes. "Mornin, Daddy. Mornin, Daddy Stwife. Daddy, you listenin to Lump?"

"Not exactly, babydoll. I can't hear Lump like you can. No, I'm just hugging Strife."

"Oh." He nodded, wandered ovah, an' hugged my leg. "That's a good idea."

"Look at me--drippin with l-o-v-e. It's just revoltin." I picked up Bliss an' gave him a kiss. "You up for a day at tha beach, kiddo?"

Bliss squealed an' threw his arms around my neck. "Can Joxie an' Acord an' Granpa Ares come, too?"

"We can ask, sugar, but they both been gettin back inta their jobs, an' I think Mom is gonna be watchin Acord."

Cupid sat back real fast. "Let me get this straight--they're leaving an infant with DISCHORD?"

"She's tryin ta get used ta tha idea of havin an infant around."

"Oh, yeah. She... uh... she didn't take finding out you were making her a grandmother very well."

I shrugged. "Ya think? I thought she handled it pretty well. I mean, grass may even grow on that hillside she blasted--in anotha coupla centuries."

"Lemme down. Lemme listen." I slid Bliss down, an' he pressed his ear ta my tummy.

"How's Lump?"

"Getting big."

"How big?"

"Ummm..." He held up his hands about eight, ten inches apart. "Bout this big."

"An' is Lump a girl or a boy?"

"Well..." he sounded doubtful. "Lump gots hair now, but it's short. Does that make it a boy or a girl?"

I sighed. "This age? Hard ta tell."

"Well, I can't tell. Lump gots no clothes on."

Yah, I know. I coulda told 'im ta look between Lump's legs, but that woulda been rude, an... QUIT LAUGHIN! This is my kid I'm talkin about here, 'kay?

I'll tell ya one thing--what happened next sure the fuck didn't make me feel like laughin. I moved Bliss off me. "Okay, lemme get dressed, squirt." I thought on a nice, lightweight suit of leathah, an' suddenly found that I was almost holdin my breath. Bliss rubbed my belly, smilin. "Yous got a belly now, Stwife."

I looked down. I shoulda been able ta see straight down ta my toes, unless I had a hard-on. I couldn't. There was a gentle swell, coated by tight black leathah, obscurrin my view. I stared at it, then I looked up at Cupe. My bottom lip started quiverin.

Cupid quickly said, "Bliss, I need you to help get ready for the picnic. I've decided I'm going to come, too. You have a very important job. Go out to the garden and choose the very, very best fruit, okay? You can shake the trees or throw rocks if you need to, but don't climb."

"Kay." He patted my belly again. "Lump, I'll get you some cherries, huh?" He trotted out.

I managed ta wait till he got out of earshot before I started bawlin. Cupid stood up an' reached for me. I stepped back, wailin, "Quit it! Ya can't get yer arms around me--I'm too fat."

"Strife," he tried ta rub my tummy. "It's just the baby."

"Yah?" I slapped my legs. "I ain't carryin Lump on my thighs, am I?" I slapped my butt. "No baby there, eithah." I turned around. "Look! Look how tight that is."

"Oo, yeah!" he crooned, caressin my ass.

I shivered. "Ya know what I mean, Cupe. That's tha same size I always wear, an' it's tightah than it evah was. I look like ten pounds of shit in a five pound sack."

Cupid grabbed my arms an' shook me gently. "Stop it! Zeus, Strife, haven't I conviced you YET?"

"Convinced me of what?"

"Of how beautiful you are."

"Yeah, but ya love me--ya gotta say that."

He sighed. "I don't lie about things like this. When Mom tried that pink hair rinse I TOLD her it made her look like a demented, hung-over primrose nymph, didn't I?"

"Ya weren't sleepin with her." I paused. "Ya weren't, were...?" I stopped. He looked at me. "We don't need ta go there right now. My emotions are scrambled enough right now."

"Good, you realize that. It IS mostly the hormones, Strife. Baby, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Now that you're over the morning sickness, pregnancy really suits you. You look wonderful. You..."

"If ya say I glow I'll pluck wunna yer feathahs."

"How about smolder? I didn't think it was possible for you to get any sexier, but you managed it."

I started ta smile. "Smolder is good. I can live with that."

Bliss staggered back inta tha room. He had gathered his little tunic up in front an' filled it with fruit. He looked like he had a ball tucked in tha pouch, but it was gettin smallah, 'cause he was leavin a trail of grapes an' cherries as he came. "Daddy!" he called. "Hurry! I'se losin it, I'se losin it!"

"I know just how ya feel, brat." I swooped ovah an' made a basket. I held it, an' he dumped tha rest of tha fruit in it with a relieved sigh. "I feel like I been losin it for tha last coupla months."

We all gathered up tha fallen fruit, then Cupe whipped up tha rest of tha lunch. I took tha opportunity ta think myself inta anothah outfit. Sensible cotton this time--an a size larger. *sigh*

Bliss wanted ta see if Mjau could come, an' I had ta explain ta him about cats, an' sand, an' tha fact that we were all gonna be goin barefooted. Aftah explainin cat potty habits ta him, guess what? That's right. I had ta fill anothah pot. I gotta check an' see if pregnancy has a shrinkin effect on the bladdah. It don't seem like havin somethin as tiny as Lump is now sittin on it should squash it THAT bad.

We all flashed ovah ta tha beach. A few of tha merfolk were waitin in tha shallows. When we showed up they started smackin tha water with their tails, waving at Bliss, offerin rides, invitin him ta search for seashells, askin if he wanted any oysters, or
maybe some treasure from a sunken ship. Merbabies are few an' far between, an Posiedon's people love little 'uns of all kinds, an' let's face it--Bliss is fuckin ADORABLE. No, I am NOT prejudice.

We all skinny dipped, an' it was a hoot. Tha legs an' tha wings may mark Bliss as eitha a land or an air dwellah, but tha little poot was as at home in tha watah as any seal I ever seen.

I didn't get ta play long, though, an' only part of it was tha preggers part. Cupe encouraged me, actually, cause exercise is good for me. But aftah a few minutes he put a tent up on tha sand an' herded me inta it. Tartarus, ya know what my complexion is like, right? I make cheese look dingey. Cupe was right--more 'n about ten minutes of that bright sun an' I woulda looked like wunna those newfangled 'love apples'. If I evah wanted a tan like Cupe or, say, Apollo, I'd hafta go out ten minutes one day, ten an' two seconds tha next, ten an' five seconds tha next... Ya get tha idea. 'Pollo's nags would give out before I got many shades darker.

Finally it was time for lunch, an' my two guys came ta tha tent. We sat an started divyin up tha chow. I was munchin on a celery stick, tellin Cupe about this great idea I had. People love ta eat bread an' sausages tagetha, right? Well, I was gonna plant tha suggestion in tha minds of tha merchants that a terrific way ta make money would be ta only sell sausages in bunches of then, but only sell rolls in bunches of EIGHT! I figured it would drive a significant numbah of people crazy eventually.

Bliss was eatin some salt-watah taffy that wunna tha mermaids had given him. He piped up, "Stwife, I don't know if Lump is a boy or a girl, but you know what?"

"What, kiddo?"

"Lump can hear you."

I laughed. "Sure."

Bliss nodded. "Lump hears you breath, and hears your heat going bump, but he hears what you say, too." Bliss frowned. "I don't know if she knows what you mean, but she hears. You oughta talk to him. You can tell both of us a story if you want to."

"Both of ya, huh? Sure, why not. Okay, once there was this barbarian an' this tavern wench..."

"Strife! What kind of story..."

"An they both had fuzzy tails, like bunnies." Cupid shook his head as Bliss giggled, an' I stuck my tongue out at him. "An they did SOME of tha things bunnies do." Cupid looked worried again.

"Like what?" asked Bliss.

"They jumped, an' they twitched their ears." Cupe looked relieved again. "Course I can't tell ya WHAT they jumped, cause you're too young..."

"Strife!"

"Chill, Dads. Okay, they jumped ditches, they leaped frogs, an' one day they jumped bail, an' took it on tha lam."

Bliss frowned. "What's...?"

"Bail is a bucket. You know--ya use 'em ta bale? An tha lamb belonged ta this broad named Mary, but she let it go wanderin all ovah tha place, so it was goin ta a bettah home..."

Bliss liked tha story, but his Daddy was about ready ta chew his nails by tha time I finished it. Bliss snuggled down on a blanket for a nap, an' reached for tha last sandwich. "What did ya THINK I was gonna say, Feathah? Bliss said Lump can hear me, right?" I took a bite.

*GRIT*

"WHAT THA...? Oh, I can't freakin' BELIEVE this! Sand in tha last sandwich! This is just so fu..." I caught myself. "I could just shi..." I caught myself again, frustrated. "Son of a b..." Bliss slitted one eye sleepily. "Bull is a calf. Son of a deer is a buck. Son of a sheep is a ram." He closed his eyes. I was about ta hyperventilate. Tha fact that Cupid was about ta choke with laughter didn't help any.

"Babe, go on. You can't just cut it off all at once--you'll explode." I closed my eyes an took a deep breath. I laid my palms against eithah side of my barely mounded tummy. "Babe? What are you doing?"

My teeth were gritted. "I'm coverin my baby's ears." Then I cussed a blue streak.

Month Five: What Tha FUCK Was That?!

"Anything?"

I looked up at Cupe. He was leanin on his elbow, watchin me. I studied my tummy. It was now most definitely curved out. I was still workin on seein it as baby insteada fat. I carefully palpitated around tha edges, then pressed my palm flat an' held it
there. I waited. He waited. "Nothin." I blew out a big breath, makin tha rudest buzzin sound I could. "C'mon, kid! You're ruinin my figure, tha least ya could do is gimme a little indication that you're there besides makin me pee every five minutes."

Cupid smiled, but he hugged me. "Don't stress, babe. It's..."

"I know, I know. It's bad for tha baby. Shit, Cupe, it's five months now. I'm more'n halfway through this, an'..." I stroked my belly again. "Nothin. Joxer let me feel his tummy when he was four months gone, an' I felt Acord kickin."

"Each pregnancy is different."

"Yah, but... but I'm kinda startin ta get worried." I bit my lip an' burrowed against him. "Ya don't think there's anythin WRONG with Lump, do ya?"

"No!" His voice was firm. "Get that out of your head, Strife. You're doing everything right... Well, aside from that box of pastries you talked Hermes into sneaking into the future to get you. What were those called?"

"Twinkies, an' I only ate two a day. Almost killed me, havin half a box sittin there. Somethin that good tastin an' bad for you is DEFINITELY in my line."

"Anyway, you've been doing all the right things: eating well, exercising, drinking lots of milk, taking it easy... We're checking in with Aesclepus on a regular basis. Everything is fine." He bent down an' kissed me right above tha belly-button. "Lump is just
lazy."

"Huh. Well, I guess I oughta enjoy it while I can. Rememberin how you an' me was when we were kids? Crossin us, I don't think we're gonna have a lot of rest aftah Lump is born."

So I rolled outta bed an' got dressed, an'... Huh? Oh, ya noticed that a lot of these *ahem* reports start in bed, huh? Yeah, come ta think of it, they do. *stare* Ya gotta problem with that? *stare* I didn't think so. I got dressed (loose pants an'
shirt). When I zapped on tha boots I zapped 'em right back off again an' sat down, rubbin my feet. "Cupe, isn't there some sorta sayin about barefoot an' pregnant?"

"I think so. It's a surefire way to get a woman pissed off."

"Why? When you're pregnant, I think barefoot is a DAMN good idea."

"Feet swelling again?"

"Yah."

Cupid whipped up a pair of slippers an' knelt in front of me, easin them on my feet. "There. Better?"

I wiggled my feet, examinin them. "Yah. Cupe?"

"Hm?" He was massagin my calf.

"Any particular reason why they look like fuzzy pink bunnies?"

"I thought you'd like a laugh."

"Worked," I giggled. His hands slid up my thighs. I giggled again as his fingers started working at my laces. "Cuuupe. I just got dressed."

"Striiiife," he matched my sing-song. "it won't be too many weeks before I start having trouble getting my head in your lap."

"I wasn't arguin, Cupe, I was just makin a comment."

"Well, how about limiting your comments to such things as 'faster', 'harder', 'oh, Zeus!'."

"That's all I'm allowed?"

"No, you can have as many grunts, groans, moans, whines, whimpers, gasps, and screams as you want."

"Yer so generous."

He had my cock out, an' he gave it a BIG lick. "Aren't I?"

"Ooo, you..." He gave me a squeeze, flashin his eyes up at me with amused warnin. "Grunt."

"That's a good little God of Mischief."

I didn't want him ta stop, but Tartarus, I couldn't pass THAT up. "Good God of Mischie? Oxymoron, Cupe. Kinda like... um... debauched virgin."

He smiled. "Humble Sun God?"

I nodded. "Chaste Love God."

"You got that right." He plunged down, takin my cock down his throat in one swoop.

For a few minutes I DID limit myself ta nothin but onomatopoeia. (There, don't evah let anyone tell ya that fan fiction is intellectually arid: TWO high falutin linguistic terms). It felt gooood. At that time Cupe had NO problem reachin tha base of my cock. *big cheesy grin.* I just kinda basked in the hot wetness, feelin incredibly loved.

There was a knock on the door. I heard Bliss call, "Daddies? I come in now?"

Yah, that's right: WE TAUGHT THA KID TA KNOCK! Ya can't see me, but I'm doin a dance of smug triumph just thinkin about it. I called, "Not just yet, kiddo. Wait just a coupla minutes. Cupe..."

"Murph," he agreed, an' sped up.

*Yow!*

Mind blowin (an' OTHAH, more interestin thing blowin *snicker*) time! Three slurps, a squeeze, an' a nibble, and it was a good thing that babies DIDN'T grow in yer stomach, like Bliss thought, or he coulda had TWO daddies preggers at tha same time, an' that WOULDA been a bitch. Cupe gave me a quick tongue wash an' packed me away again, then sat next ta me an'
called, "Okay, Bliss."

Tha door opened an' Bliss pelted in (do kids that age evah move at less than a run unless ya WANT 'em ta hurry up?). He climbed up between Cupid an' me, managed ta wiggle an arm half-way around each of us, an' hugged. I can only hope that tha kid learns ta temper his enthusiasm before he grows muscles like his dad, or my spleen is gonna end up on tha floor wunna these days. "Oof! What was that for, brat?"

"I'se just happy you an' Daddy loves each other so much."

Cupid an' I exchanged looks. Tagetha we said, "Soundproofing."

I rubbed Bliss's curls. "Check Lump, Bliss."

"Kay." Bliss settled his cheek on my belly. He listened.

"Any activity?"

"Uh-uh. I think he's sleepin."

"Snores?"

Bliss giggled. "Lump can't snore, Stwife! He's in water in you tummy." Bliss's forehead crinkled. "He can bubble."

"How could ya tell if it was him snorin? There's othah things that can cause bubbles in watah, ya know. When I eat beans an' take a bath..."

"Strife."

"What? Sheesh, Cupe, that's wunna tha perks of havin an all male household. Fart jokes are allowed, if not encouraged. Bliss, tell me, do ya actually TALK ta Lump?"

Bliss shook his head. "Lump can't talk, either. I just kinda know what he's feeling. He want's some juice."

"Yah? What kind?"

He laid his head on my belly. "Apple."

Cupid materialized a glass of clear, amber colored liquid an' handed it ta me. "You know, Strife, if Lump is a girl, Bliss is pretty much the only male in existence who knows what a woman wants."

Bliss looked up at me. "Can I put your lotion on?"

"Sure." I laid down an' lifted my shirt, pushin my pants down a little ta expose my belly. Bliss scrambled ovah ta tha bedside table an' came back with the jar of ointment Aphrodite had given us. He scooped up some of that creamy ointment an' started
rubbin it inta my tummy.

I sniffed. "Mm. It smells like roses this time." Tha ointment changed scents each time it was used--a little perk 'Dite had thrown in.

Bliss was usin both hands, strokin carefully. "Last time it was cimmamum."

"Nah, baby, that was time 'fore last. Yer Daddy did it last night, an' it smelled like honeysuckle." Cupe an' me exchanged grins ovah Bliss's head. That little massage had led ta interestin things. "I dunno how much good this stuff is doin, but it sure does feel nice."

Cupid ran a finger around tha area his son was massagin. "Joxer swears by it. He says that he didn't get a single stretch mark."

"Geez, I hope he's right. I don't wanna end up zebrafied." Bliss finished his chore an' put tha jar away. "Thanks, kiddo. Ya do good work. If yer really, really good, I may let ya help me change Lump's diapahs when she comes." Kids. He actually got excited about tha idea of changin poopy diapahs.

I got up an' started pacin, bouncin on my heels. "Strife," Cupid said, "What are you doing?"

"I'm tryin ta wake Lump up. I'm five months preggers, an' I wanna feel my kid move, dammit."

Cupid sighed. "Don't overdo it. I'm going to visit Hephastus for a couple of minutes." He kissed me (I stood still for it--I'll stand still for Cupe ta kiss me anytime, though it's more fun when I wiggle), an' Bliss, then flashed off.

I kept tryin ta get Lump ta move. Tha bouncin didn't work. I got Bliss ta talk ta him, an' Bliss rattled on about everything from Pegasus ta how he wished Cerebus could have puppies. I thought 'bout explainin ta him that this was impossible, since tha dog was male, then I considered my present condition an' decided that argument wouldn't carry much weight. For lunch I snuck a coupla hot pepper, hopin that Lump would thump me a few times in retaliation. Nuthin but a few gas bubbles rollin around in my gut. I guess tha kid is gonna have an iron stomach, like me.

I even got summa Cupid's temple muscicians ta play some music, ta see if maybe I could get Lump ta dance. No such luck. No beat, an' ya couldn't dance ta it. I gave it a 25. Maybe if they woulda had a heavier base line...

I got that gas tickle again. Crap, I was gonna hafta lay off all tha peppers now, if they were gonna affect me like that.

I tried hydro therapy. I put a nice little hot spring pool in tha garden, an' me an' Bliss did some serious water fightin. I stayed sat down, cause I wasn't gonna risk slippin. Bliss had a good time, though. Ya evah seen a parakeet in a dish of watah? *giggle* Didn't work like I hoped, though.

I gave up. I was startin ta think I wouldn't feel tha kid move till it was time ta squirt 'im out.

Cupid came in just as we were gettin out of tha spring, an' we both dried Bliss off. "Did you two have fun?"

"Yep," Bliss chirped. "Daddy Stwife tryin to get Lump to move around, but ol' Lump just lays there."

"He is, huh? Well, I think Daddy Strife ought to be grateful, because I don't think having something inside you moving around would be a very restful thing."

"Ya know, this talkin ta someone by pretendin you're talkin ta someone else is wunna MY methods of operation, Cupe. An' I'm NOT bein unreasonable. Ya know darn good an' well that when Bliss gets too still for too long, an' he ain't sleepin, ya start feelin his forehead an' lookin down his throat."

Cupid pulled Bliss close an' whispered in his ear for a minute. Bliss started gigglin, lookin at me. Cupe swatted him on tha bottom. "Go on." Bliss trotted out, still gigglin an' tossin looks at me.

I was suspicious. "Okay, what are ya up to?"

"Who, me?"

"Cupe, this is Strife, okay? I KNOW from fake innocense."

"Just wanted Bliss out of the way for a minute so we could have a talk. Come sit over here." He pulled up a chair, facin out inta tha gardens, an patted it's seat.

"YOU sit there."

"I got the chair for..." He smiled. "Oh."

Cupe sat down, an' I sat on his lap. "Gotta get all this sorta cuddlin I can before I start ta squash ya."

He put his arms around my waist. "Babe, you HAVE to stop obsessing about this."

"I can't help it."

"I know. Look, if Lump doesn't move in the next day or two we'll talk to Asclepius."

"Kay. So, didya have a good visit?"

"Mhm."

"Didya go for more arrows?"

"Nope. I have plenty in reserve."

"Hm, I thought Heph didn't go for too much socializin around his forge."

"It wasn't strictly social."

"Oh. Present for Bliss?"

"No. Zeus, if he gets much more, we'll have to shovel paths in his room."

"A-HA! Whadya get me?"

"What makes you think...?"

"Gimme."

"What makes you think I have to bring you something?"

"I'm tha Patron of Spoiled Brats. Whadya get me?"

"I have a good mind to not give it to you." I pinched him. "Ow!"

"Ya love it, an' ya know it! WHADYA GET ME?"

~!CLANG!~

I s'pose it wasn't QUITE as loud as tha sound tha Collossus of Rhodes made when it hit tha ground, but it came damn close. My heart made a break for it up my throat, but I swallowed it back down, an' it settled for runnin around in my chest. I went
straight up. Yah, I know Cupe had his arm around my waist, but I took him with me. "EARTHQUAKE!"

"Blissquake! Calm down, baby."

I was pantin. "CALM DOWN!? My tummy nearly came out my belly-button. What tha Tartarus was that?"

I looked around. Bliss was standin just inside tha door, lookin embarrassed. "Sowwy." There was a big copper basin layin on tha floor at his feet. Tha noise had been it hittin tha marble.

"S'okay, kiddo. What's that?"

Bliss picked it up again an' lugged it ovah. "It's for your footsies."

I examined it. It was nice an deep, brightly polished copper, an' there were pretty geonetric designs etched on tha sides. Cupid explained. "It's for soaking your feet. Hephastus worked an anti-swelling, soothing spell into it. The water you put in it will never cool off, and it will feel like you're getting a foot massage."

"Cupe, you sweetie!" I gave 'im a kiss. "This will be good ta have even aftah I've had Lump, for both of us. We both have jobs that keep us on our feet a lot." I rubbed Bliss's head. "This is from you, too, huh?" He nodded. I hugged him. "Yer a good kid, kid. Now, how about puttin that ovah there outta tha way so I don't trip on it?" Bliss picked up tha basin an' started ta toddle away with it.

I turned back ta Cupid. "That's thoughtful, Cupe, an' I'm sure it'll help me relax, but I was thinkin that maybe we could go ovah ta Asclepius's place t'night an'..."

~~!!!CLANG!!!~~ (That's right--twice as loud.)

This time I DID come up off Cupe's lap, an' I grabbed at myself, cause it felt like Lump had tried ta dive straight out. "WHAT THA FUCK WAS THAT?!"

"Strife, calm down! Bliss just dropped the basin again."

"Not that!" I stared down at my abdomen. "Cupe! C'mere. C'mere right now!" I grabbed his hand an' pushed it against my stomach, pressin it down tight.

Tha gas bubble came again, an' this time I knew it wasn't gas. I watched Cupid. He frowned, then his face went slack, his eyes gettin big. He looked at me, an' I nodded. A smile broke ovah his face that nearly blinded me. "Bliss!" I yelled.

He sounded near tears. "I sowwy! It just slipped."

I laughed. "Heck, throw it again if ya wanna! Ya finally woke Lump up."

Bliss squealed happily. "Really?"

"Yah. Get ovah here an' pet yer little brothah or sistah."

Month 6: Nobody Evah Told Me I Was Gonna LEAK!

"Ow!"

"Shit, hon, I'm sorry!" Cupid leaned down an' kissed tha nipple he'd just tweaked. "I didn't think I was being that rough."

"Ya weren't." I held his head close as he gave me an apologetic lick. "Mmm, that's nice. Ya weren't any roughah than ya evah are, cuz. I'm just a little tendah there lately for some reason." I pushed him away gently, then rubbed my chest. "Tell ya tha truth, Cupe--they ain't ached like this since right aftah I had 'em pierced."

He winced. "I think they're sexy as hell, and I know you enjoy them, but I just can't imagine purposefully poking holes in your body."

I grinned, pinchin his earlobe. "Wunna these days I'm gonna talk ya inta a stud, stud."

He avoided addressin that. "Who did it for you? Hephastus? Aesclepius?"

"Mom."

"ERIS?! You let Discord near you with a needle?"

"It was kind of a mothah-son bondin experience. I pierced her nose." Cupe looked doubtful. "She only wears it on special occasions. Didn'tya see it at our commitment ceremony? She was wearin a nice little diamond."

Cupid slapped his forehead. "So THAT'S what that sparkle was! I thought it was a tear." I looked skeptical. "Well, my Mom was boo-hooing. Of course she was grinning like someone was tickling her at the same time. I didn't mention it because I thought Eris might forget herself and slap me through a wall is I called attention to her crying."

"Ma don't do tha 'cryin with joy' bit--ain't her style." I peered down at myself. "Ya know, I think they're a little different. Whatta you think, Cupe?"

He gave my nipples his full attention, cockin his head. Just havin him stare at me like that, they started gettin hard. Finally he touched one lightly with a fingahtip. "You're right. The coloring is a little different. You've sort of gone from pink-brown to mild chocolate."

I swatted him on tha top of his head. "Stop it, I've had my chocolate for t'day. You don't think there's anythin WRONG about this, do ya?"

"Probably not. I think it's probably just a part of the pregnancy changes."

"I'll check with Joxer about it." I snickered. "I'm consultin him more than I am Aesclepius."

"Why not? Joxer's had a baby--he hasn't."

"Well, now's as good a time as any, I s'pose. I know Unc had a battle ta lead at lead at dawn, an' Jox should be up by now." I started ta roll outta bed, an' came up short at tha mattress edge when my body didn't respond with it's usual springyness. I sighed, braced my hands, an' pushed myself up, leadin with my tummy.

I stood there for a moment, lookin down at tha swell ruefully. "Kiddo, yer slowin me down."

Cupid slid ovah an' petted tha curve, then dropped a kiss on it. "It isn't so bad, is it, babe?"

"There speaks tha man who ain't got about five pounds sittin on his bladdah and someone doin kicks ta his kidneys from tha inside." I shrugged, grinnin. "Nah, I just like ta bitch. I got a fellin, though, that in three months yer gonna need a block an' tackle ta get me offa tha bed."

"Then I'll put it up higher so you can just swing your legs over and step off."

"Yer so thoughtful." I got dressed, grumblin, "If I evah need a second career, aftah this I should qualify as a tent makah."

"I like you in floaty things almost as much as I like you in tight things."

I leered. "I can think of ONE tight thing I can still get inta." He laughed, an' that's tha image I took with me when I flashed outta there--Cupid, laughin. I knew that if I needed ta be cheered up at any time durin tha day, all I'd hafta do is think about that.

I popped inta Unc's place in tha outer room. No one was around. I thought about callin, but ya nevah know when a baby's just gotten ta sleep, or how long his parents were up tryin ta GET him ta sleep, so I figured I'd bettah be cautious. I didn't exactly tiptoe back--that woulda been kinda hard, with my balance bein thrown off by Lump--but I walked quiet while I went ta Unc an' Joxer's bedroom.

Jox was sittin on tha edge of tha bed, holdin Acord. He had his tunic down around his waist, an' I wondered if Acord was bein fussy. I'd heard from Demeter that wunna tha best ways ta sooth a cranky baby was skin-on-skin contact. Made 'em feel more secure, or somethin. Made sense ta me--it always worked with me an' Cupid. I mean, even if we weren't bein sexy it felt good ta just hold each othah. Made me feel kinda peaceful, so I didn't see any reason why it shouldn't work for babies.

Joxer wasn't cradlin Acord on his back, like usual. He had tha baby upright against his chest. I thought at first that he was burpin tha kid, but Acord's head was way down from his shouldah. Joxer had been a parent long enough ta know that sometimes ya got urp insteada gas, an' I wondahed what he was doin, riskin that.

He didn't notice me at first. He was busy talkin ta tha baby, strokin his head (he was finally growin back tha hair he'd lost right aftah he was born. Boy, had Ares been worried about that, even though he kept on about how baldness showed that ya were a MANLY man. I refrained from askin him what him havin hair down ta his shouldahs meant). "What a good baby. My, you WERE hungry, weren't you?" He winced. "Ow! I love you, Acord, but I think I'm going to be happy when it's time to wean you."

Wean?

I came a little closah, an' Joxer noticed me. He grinned, "Hey, Strife! This won't take much
longer--he's almost through."

"Joxie, tell me ya ain't breast feedin that baby."

He raised his eyebrows. "I could, but I prefer not to lie."

I sat down, starin. Sure enough, little Acord had his rosebud lips fastened around Joxer's right nipple an' was suckin for all he was worth. When I leaned ovah ta look, he cut his eyes at me, but didn't slow down. His chubby little fists were pushing at Joxer's chest, and I suddenly hadda mental flash of a kitten kneadin his mama's belly while he nursed. "Oh, geez."

Joxer frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I... uh... I wasn't ready for this."

He cocked his head, "No, I don't guess you've ever been around at meal time. What did you think I was doing?"

"I dunno. I heard they have things like drinkin skins, but with a... an attachment on tha end for tha
baby, an' ya use, like, goat's milk."

"I expect I'll use one of those if my milk dries up before he's ready to go to strictly solids, but I saw no reason to use them when I was perfectly capable of feeding him myself." Acord spit out tha nipple an' stuck his fist in his mouth instead. "Had enough? Acord cooed at him. He smiled softly. "Silly baby."

A bead of milk oozed out an' started ta trickle down Joxer's chest. He absently took a rag an' wiped it away, also wipin his nipple. When he saw me lookin he said, "You clean before and after, warm water only, no soap."

"No soap?"

"Would YOU like soap in YOUR food?"

"More than I wanted ta think about, Jox."

"If you don't wipe afterward you can end up smelling like sour milk, and you really don't want to carry around the baby spit."

"DEFINITELY more than I wanted ta think about."

He shrugged, tossing the rag across his shouldahs and heftin Acord up. "You might as well think about it now--you'll have to deal with it eventually. Have you started to notice any change in your breasts?"

"I do NOT have breasts! I have... uh... Well, not yet, any way. But there IS a little change."

"Tenderness? Darkening?"

"Crap, Joxer, it ain't gonna be any fun if I can't evah surprise ya."

He laughed, rubbin Acord's back. "Strife, you can always surprise me."

"Sorry if I'm bein a wuss."

"No, you're taking it much better than I expected. Actually, you're taking it much better than I did."

"Yah? But you always seemed so cool durin your pregnancy."

"In public. I managed to keep my fits and panic attacks private." He sighed. "Poor Ares--how that man suffered. But he never retaliated, no matter how much grief I gave him."

"Got news for ya, Jox. Incidents of battle went up about forty percent durin tha last two months ya carried that kid." Tha baby burped lustily, then puked on Joxer's shoulder. "I love ya, kid."

Joxer calmly wiped everything up and held the baby up ta look inta his face. "Had a little too much, mm?" Acord burped again, but there was no upchuck this time. Then he smiled at his daddy.

I melted inside. "Damn, that's beautiful."

Joxer cradled Acord back against him an' gave me a soft look. "There's nothing in the world like it, Strife. You have so much to look forward to. Whenever things get uncomfortable, remember that smile, and think about a baby that you and Cupid made together looking at you like that."

"I think I could put up with a lot for that." Acord closed his eyes an' drifted off ta sleep. *giggle* I nevah knew infants could snore. "Does he always conk out aftah he eats?"

"Well, he USED to. Now he stays awake more often than not, but I guess he's just feeling particularly peaceful right now."

"Really? My presence ain't usually condusive ta sleep." I grinned. "Eithah they're too worried about what I might do, or in Cupe's case he's lookin forward ta what I might do." Joxer carefully tucked Acord inta his cradle, then picked up a long, thick strip of cloth an' started windin it around his chest. "Okay, I'm nosy. What's that for?"

"It's to keep me from getting damp patches on my clothes. You may need to start wearing one of these."

"I ain't had tha baby yet, Jox."

"Yes, but there's the colostrum to consider." He paused. "Well, you may not have that. I don't think everyone does."

"Colowhostrum?"

"It's sort of pre-milk. If your nipples have darkened, and started getting tender, you may have it
soon."

"Oh, crap."

"It's not so bad, really, but like I said, you'll need to wash more often."

"Joxer, it's just plain WEIRD. I don't want it."

He sighed, then said gently, "If it's going to come, you won't have any choice in it, Strife. It's not so bad. It's nature's way of preparing you to nourish your baby."

"Nature? Ya mean I need ta go talk ta Gaia about this?" He rolled his eyes. "I'm freakin out here,
Jox."

He patted my hand. "You can bottle feed, if you want to, Strife. You may have to bind yourself, and it will be uncomfortable till the milk dries up, but you can do that. But Strife, I want you to think very carefully about this. It's a wonderful thing." I stared at him. His voice was steady. "It is." His eyes unfocused a little. "You can't imagine how close you feel with your baby. I carried him inside me for nine months, and when he was born, for a little while I felt empty and alone. Then I held him, and nursed him for the first time. He was drawing nourishment from me, just like he had while he was inside me. I didn't feel empty any more."

Joxer reached down an' stroked Acord's cheek with one fingah. "It's beautiful." He glanced at me, an' suddenly his smile was wry. "Except for the teething part--I think he's getting ready for that. His gums have been awful firm lately."

We went inta tha front of tha temple an' Joxer, always tha good host, said, "Milk or fruit juice?"

"Milk. I had my fruit this mornin."

"Warm or cold?"

"Cold. I only drink warm before bed." I shook myself.

"What?"

"I just realized that I'm drinkin warm milk before I go ta bed. Geez, I hope that doesn't get out. It'd be hard ta have tha mortals take me seriously." Joxer materialized a glass of milk an' handed ta me." I drank mosta it in one gulp. I rubbed at my nipples, cause they were achin a little, an' somethin occurred ta me. "Jox, ya know that I have rings?"

"Really? I thought that you only had a wedding ring, not a set..." He noticed where I was rubbin, and blushed. "Oh. Yes?"

"I'm not sayin that I intend ta do it, mind ya, but I was just wonderin. Would they be a problem if I did?"

He frowned, thinkin. "Mm. No, I don't think so."

"Glad ta hear it, but on what dya base that conclusion?"

"Jace."

I blinked, then cleared my throat. "Uh, Jox, look... I know that Jace is more like your sistah than your brothah, but I doubt he's got first hand experience on that front. I think that if anothah mortal had gotten preggers I'da know about it. I mean--Mischief, hello? I think it'd fall undah my jurisdiction."

"It isn't first hand. You know that Jace is in the theatrical profession? Well, some of the actresses he knows have, um, adornments similar to yours, and they also have children. He mentioned the uproar one of them caused by nursing her child and calmly going on with her scene, and I know that was one of the ones who had rings."

I leaned ovah, archin an eyebrow, "An HOW didya know about this?"

"This was before Ares and I got together, okay? I'd rather you didn't mention it."

"Don't worry. Ya ain't totally immune from my work, Jox, but I ain't gonna do anythin ta bollocks things up between you an' Unc. Like I could." I finished my milk. "I s'pose I could take 'em out for a little while."

"It really shouldn't be a problem until the baby can latch on and pull."

I grimace. "Now ya've given me somethin ta think about. Well..." I put tha glass downl "Hate ta run, but I wanna get home before this milk mustache dries."

"Oh, here." Joxer offahed a cloth.

"Nah. If Cupe is still home I'll get him ta wipe it off for me."

Joxer looked kinda non-plussed. "I know it's fun to wait on each other, but isn't that a little extreme."

"Nah. I like tha way he wipes off my milk mustaches." I grinned just before I flashed out. "He uses his tongue."

Month 7: I Wouldn't Name Him Aftah My Dad Even If I DID Know Who He Was

"Strife, come back to bed."

"Inna minute. Crap!"

*pause*

"Strife, c'mon."

"Just be patient, Feathahs, I'm almost done. Shit!"

*pause*

"What the hell are you doing?"

"FUCK! I'm ventilatin my damn fingahs, THAT'S what I'm doin. Harpy humpin needle!"

Cupid got up an' padded ovah ta where I was sittin at tha table with tha only lamp in tha room. He sounded worried. "I thought you were past the 'hurt myself on purpose' thing."

"I am. This ain't on purpose, believe me."

"Let me see what you're doing."

"Might as well. I obviously ain't gonna get anywhere t'night." I bit a thread through, maybe bein a little more enthusiastic than I had ta, then handed what I'd been workin on ta Cupe.

He held it up. It was a little... Well, it was S'POSED ta be a little shirt. Just a simple one, no buttons or ties or anythin--a slip ovah yer head sort, not much biggah than my hand with tha fingahs spread. It was kinda... deformed.

Strife studied it, then his expression softened. "Oh, Strife. Is this for Lump?"

"Nah, it's for Mjau. I'm tired of havin him flash his butt at me every time we go visit Unc. With all that black fur it looks like a little pink bulls-eye, an' if I succumb an' get my slingshot, Joxer will kill
me."

"It's wonderful, sweetie. Just look at those cute little red polka dots."

"Those ain't polka dots, Cupie." I held up my hand an' showed him tha gouges.

"Baby!"

He dropped tha tiny garment an' grabbed my hand, then started kissin tha raw, sore spots on my fingahs. They disappeared undah his touch, an' tha pain faded. I sighed. "Thanks, doll."

He rubbed my hand. "Strife, why are you doing this to yourself? If you want clothes for the baby, you or I can whip up all that we need."

"I know that. But I wanna give Lump somethin _I_ made."

"If you create it, you DID make it."

"Ya know what I mean."

He smiled gently. "Yes, I know." He kissed me. "Come back to bed and I'll let you make something that Lump will love."

I arched an eyebrow. "Yeah? What?"

"Me."

"Ya talked me inta it." He took my arms, pulling carefully as I stood. "Ya don't gotta help me up, Cupe. I'm still not ta that stage yet."

"I know, babe. I like helping you." We walked ta tha bed, his arm around my (now thick) waist, with his hand restin right ovah where Lump was at present sleepin. "Besides, if I keep doing it now," he pushed me down on tha bed, then quickly straddled me, grinnin, "I figure it won't be so much of a strain when you really get big."

My clothes had disappeared somewhere along tha way, but Cupe had kept his pants on. He knows I like tha feel of leathah, an' his pants were made out of tha softest I've evah felt. He shifted, lettin tha leathah slide along my bare thighs, watchin my expression. He stroked tha curve of my belly. "We need to start thinking about the best way to make love, Strife."

"I ain't got a favorite, Cupe. I'll take ya any way I can get ya."

"I mean that it's beginning to get to the point where we have to consider not only what feels good, but what's going to be good FOR you--and Lump."

I sighed. "I knew this day had ta come. I s'pose now we'll nevah get around ta tha trapeze act I heard about from that oriental godling."

He kept rubbin my tummy. "Hey, the kid's going to be old enough to go to a babysitter eventually--we'll need SOME way to celebrate." He moved his hands down an' grabbed... Actually, grabbed is too crude a word for how Cupe takes hold of my cock. He kinda... ENGULFED it in his big hands, an' started jerkin me off. Thoughtful booger had greased his hands, too. "If you don't mind, babe, I DO have one particular way in mind."

"Spill it." His hands speeded up, an' I slapped at him, gigglin. "Not like that, Birdbrain!"

He grinned back. "I'd like to sit in your lap, while you still have one."

"Hm." I considahed this. That's wunna MY favorite ways, too. We even get a little kinky now an' then an' play like whoevah's gettin screwed is tryin ta get away. Somehow we nevah succeed. *snicker* "I dunno, Cupe. Lump is already kinda crowdin out any space. Bliss hasta sit out on my knee for both of us ta be comfortable."

His hands slowed down, but didn't stop movin. He cocked his head. "I'm not sure if you technically HAVE a lap while you're laying down, but I think we could work it like that."

"You sure Lump won't get mushed?"

"No, I can keep from putting my weight on you--I have strong thighs."

I got rid of his pants, an' slid my hands up an' down tha aforementioned thighs. "Ya sure do. An' I s'pose if ya hafta, ya could always flap ta lighten tha load."

His eyes twinkled. "Maybe if I squeezed REAL hard and REALLY flapped, we could achieve liftoff."

That did it. I howled at tha mental image that conjured up: me danglin by my cock trapped in Cupe's butt as he hovahed. Finally I wiped my eyes. "Nah, don't wanna be hung by my dick. Been there, done that, didn't like it."

"When did...?"

"Ain't tellin. Maybe on our anniversahry." I reached back an' grabbed his ass, pullin tha cheeks apart. "So, do I do tha honahs, or do you?"

"Let go so I can turn."

"Okay, but only 'cause yer about ta put it in a more convenient position." He turned ta face down my body, bent, reached back, an' spread his own buttocks. "Ooo. Ya know, I'm feelin kinda peckish. Back it on up, cuz." He did, bringin himself within tongue range. I know I've had a lotta funny eatin patterns in my life, 'specially since I got preggers, but this is somethin I'll nevah get tired of, an' all ya gotta do is warm it up. *slurp drool* Sorry. Sensory memory.

So I licked an' sucked an' probed till he started flappin his wings. Actually, that didn't stop me (heck, it's a real turn-on for me when he does that--I know I'm really gettin ta him), but he was wigglin, too, an' I had a hard time hittin a movin target. So I greased one fingah an' slid it home, pumpin it in an' out.

He moaned when I licked around where I had my fingah buried in his body. "Strife, hurry up and give me another. I want to get you inside of me."

I slid tha second fingah in an' started ta move 'em apart, stretchin him carefully. "What's tha hurry, lover? Ya got at least anothah coupla weeks before Lump's too big for us ta do this."

"If you think I'm waiting THAT long for you to fuck me them maybe you ARE as crazy as everyone thinks." He pulled off. "That's enough."

"Cupe, are ya sure?" I peeked unday him toward my crotch. Yep. I was stickin up straightah than wunna Uncle Ares's spears. "I'm pretty ready, an' I don't wann hurt ya."

He knee walked down, draggin his balls down my chest on tha way (somehow managin ta tap my hard right nipple with tha soft, furry sac, a kink I was gonna hafta remembah), an' said, "Don't sweat." He looked back ovah his shouldah at me. "Well, you're GONNA sweat, if I do this right. Anyway, this way I can control how deep and how fast, right?"

"Ya can NOW. If I didn't have a kid sittin on my bladdah I could show ya about toppin from tha bottom."

"You will someday. I have faith in you." He took hold of my cock an' directed it till tha head was pressed up against his asshole. Then he s-l-o-w-l-y sat down. I hadda start doin mental geometry ta keep from comin while I watched my cock slidin inta him, spreadin his anus till tha skin was tight an' shiny. He was groanin, but it wasn't from pain.

He stopped about an inch, inch an' a half from tha base, lookin back. "I think that's the right depth." He sounded breathy.

"Works fa me. Hold still a minute." With him up a little like that I could slide my hand undah him. Reachin up I could fondle his ass--reachin down I could tickle tha base of my own cock. I could, so I did. Fun for everyone. Cupe started ta lift up. "Hey!"

"Like you can't reach." He kept risin till only my knob was trapped inside him, then slid back down ta his startin point. "Let me just..." He bent forward a little. This time about halfway down he froze. "Oooo..."

"That's tha spot, huh?"

"Uh-huh." He started ta bounce up an' down, just a couple of inches at a time.

"Cupe? Are you pettin your sweet spot?"

"Uh-HUH! You don't mind, do you?"

"MIND? I'm bein USED!" I laughed. "I love it!"

Cupid pumped up an' down. Now that he had tha angle figured he gave me full strokes. His wings spread a little, tha tips vibratin. I reached up an' found tha sensitve (MOST sensitive. His wings an' around 'em are one BIG ol' erogenous zone) spot right between them an started workin my fingahs in tha down. He grunted. I could see tha muscles quiverin in his thighs as he held himself from slammin down on me.

He gasped, "Baby, I have to finish myself quick, or I'm not going to be able to stay up, but you take as long as you want." He gripped his own cock (I couldn't reach, DAMMIT!), an stroked, hard an' fast. In a few seconds I felt hot splashes on my thighs, an' Cupe clamped around me even tightah. He didn't hafta worry about me takin a long time ta finish--I went off so hard I'm surprised I didn't knock him right offa me.

Aftah I stopped floppin like a landed fish he pulled up, cleaned us both off with a thought, and snuggled down by me. I made him turn on his side an' started straightenin tha feathahs that we had just so pleasantly ruffled. "I really wish Bliss could figure out whethah Lump is a girl or a boy."

"That would be nice," Cupe murmured. "We could start working on a name. I don't think the kid would enjoy growing up being called Lump."

I shrugged. "Depends on yer tone of voice when ya say it." Aftah all, I call Bliss an' Cupid names that get me funny looks from people who don't undahstand (mainly Jerkules an' tha Gabster), but they both know that I love 'em ta distraction, an' would whip tha unholy crud outta anyone ELSE who evah used those terms.

"So, what other reason do you have? Sheer curiosity? I could understand that."

"Hell, yeah. I'm tha man who invented tha 'WET PAINT' sign just ta tempt othah snoops. Nah, I have a practical reason. I wanna know what color I'm gonna need ta work with for tha nursery an' tha layette. I'm gettin fuckin tired of dealin with green an' yella. Who tha fuck was it who came up with that 'pink for girls, blue for boy' bullshit, anyway? My vote is for Dite--she's so damn attatched ta decoratin an' gettin every fuckin thing ta co-ordinate. It wouldn't be so bad if she'd given tha boy babies a cool color, even a darker blue, but tha shade she chose... Shit, it's Pepto Bismol blue."

Cupid craned his neck ta look at me. "Strife, we don't HAVE Pepto Bismol yet, and it's pink, not blue. How do you know about Pepto Bismol?"

"Same way you do--my mornin sickness, remembah? I was desperate. Hermes didn't just smuggle Twinkies in for me. An' it's tha color that Pepto Bismol WOULD be IF it was blue."

"Can't argue with that."

"Ya could, but you're afraid I'll go wonky with my hormones again an' cut ya off. It was only for two days, an' I told ya I was sorry. Temporary insanity. An' ya didn't hafta keep feelin my forehead ta see if I was sick. Names are a good idea, though. How about Panourgia?"

"Hm. Don't you think Magos would be a little less, um, labelling? After all, wisdom is generally venerated--cunning is suspect."

"How about Sofos?"

"Clever is good."

"Or we could name tha kid for you." I kissed him. "Kalos or Oraios."

"How about for you?" He kissed me back. "Tryferos or Andreios." I threw a leg ovah his hip. "Storgikos."

"Or both of us--Komikos." That made us both giggle.

"Ischyros?"

I sighed. "Let's not make it any hardah on tha kid than it hasta be by givin 'em a name they feel like they hafta live up to."

"You know what I think is pretty? How about, if Lump turns out to be a girl, naming her after the country Ceasar conquored not too long ago--Brittany."

I shook my head. "Nah. I have great things planned for that name. In a coupla thousand years I'm gonna have about every third woman in tha world name her daughtah Brittany." I chuckled. "I can see it now--someone yells 'Brittany!', an' gets trampled in tha stampede. An' we can't use Jason, eithah."

"Same reason?"

"Sorta. I mean, I'm gonna unleash a slew of Jason's on tha world right around tha same time tha Brittanys kick in, but I'm thinkin about layin extra stress on 'em by inspirin a series of plays where tha main charactah is named Jason, an' he's, like, crazy, violent, immortal..." I frowned. "Wait, maybe he's not immortal, buuut... He's been ta Tartarus, an' now he's back an' kickin ass--nothin stops him. How's that sound?"

Cupid sighed. "Horrendous. I'm sure it will be a great success with the mortals." I sat up an' swung my legs ovah tha side of tha bed. "Hey, where do you think you're going?" He sounded like he was almost asleep. "Come back here."

"I didn't think ya was inta water sports."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. I think Lump gained weight in tha last hour or so, an' we oughta check with tha Fates ta see if he's gonna be dedicated ta Terpsichore, cause I'm pretty sure he's dancin a tarantella right now."

"Kay." He was driftin off. "Hurry back..." It ended in a soft snore.

I did my business and got rid of tha mess. Ya know, ya don't own liquids--ya only hold 'em for awhile. I looked at my sleepin husband, an' I was tempted ta crawl back in with him, but... Well, ya evah been preggers? Sometimes ya just get urges that ya can't ignore.

I tiptoed out an' made may way ta Bliss's bedroom. He sleeps like his daddy--sprawled all ovah tha bed. An' he snores like his daddy, too. I slipped my arms undah him an' picked him up, sittin on tha bed an' pullin him onta my lap. He didn't wake up. He just snuggled against me, tuckin his curly gold head undah my chin. I closed my eyes an' felt how warm an' soft he was, an' breathed in that sweet little kid smell.

I dunno if I can explain this to ya. I needed ta hold my baby, an' I couldn't. I know that sounds crazy, since Lump hadn't even made her debut yet, but... Well, it was frustratin 'cause she was RIGHT THERE, as close as it's possible for anothah person ta be, actually INSIDE me, an I felt like I had a hollow inside me that could only be filled by holdin my baby. So, since I couldn't hold my own, personal, Strife made baby, I held my OTHAH baby.

I felt Bliss's breath against my chest. I hugged him gently, not wantin ta wake him. He shifted a little, an mumbled somethin that sounded like 'ahwuvvuhduhwife', an' settled back down. It took me a few minutes ta figure out what that meant. Hey, I hadda do two interpretations--one for Blisspeak an' one for Sleepspeak. But I got it.

"I love you, Daddy Strife."

Tha hollow feelin went away. I put him back ta bed and tiptoed back ta my husband, and tha fathah of BOTH my kids.

Month Eight: Career Plannin

"Okay, kid, look--this is how ya make make gamma, see? It's real easy ta remembah--just think of a gallows. Gallows, gamma--right? That's tha big daddy gamma. Now, tha little baby gamma is a little trickier, but not much. It's kinda like a forked stick." I drew on tha papah an' held it up. "See? Next is delta, an' that's simple, too. Nothin but a triangle fah tha daddy one, but tha baby one is toughah. Um... I guess tha best way ta describe it is a snake rearin up outta a coil ta strike."

"Strife, what are you doing?"

"Teachin tha alphabit. What's it look like I'm doin?"

"If Bliss was sitting with you, THEN i would have guessed that you were teaching him the alphabet," Cupe sat at tha table with me. "but since you're alone..."

I tried ta clasp my hands undah my belly, but I couldn't reach any more without pullin my arms outta socket. "Babe, I ain't nevah alone these days."

Cupid's forehead wrinkled. "You're teaching Lump?"

"Duh. Aftah all, we know that Lump can hear us. I figuared why not give tha kid a head start? I mean aftah all," I patted my tummy, "this kid is gonna be a genius."

Cupe was smilin. "Of course."

"Besides, I want Lump ta be ready for whatevah godhood tha old goat confers on him. Education would be a plus in any I can think of, unless he wants ta set up a God of Stupidity." I giggled. "If he does that, I'll lobby ta see if he can't make an exception an' give it ta Jerkulese."

Cupid shook his head, but his voice was amused. "You're awful."

"Ain't I, though? I don't want tha kid ta go ovahboard on tha brains, though. She might end up tha Goddess of Philosophy. Though come ta think of it, that WOULD be in my line. Lots of shit gets stirred up by opposin philosophies."

"Well, if Lump is placed in the House of Love, he might be the God of... Let's see... How about Fidelity? That's a nice, steady position."

I made a face. "Cupe, ya know Zeus. Ya really think he's gonna set up a God of marital faithfulness?"

"I guess not."

"How about Goddess of Infatuation? One night stands--yowza! Or maybe tha kid could work with me. I could use a God of Irritation ta help out." I giggled. "Or he could be tha God of Frustration, an' he'd work with botha us."

"You know what I think would be a good position? Goddess of Daydreams, particularly if the little one turns out to be creative."

"Don't see why she won't be. I'm pretty damn inventive, aftah all."

He reached undah my tummy an' rubbed my crotch. "Yes, you are. You know, when you got pissed at all the health food and told me to take that carrot and stick it..."

I grinned. "That was interestin. I nevah thought ya'd actually do it."

"Anthing for you, sweetcheeks." He kissed me.

"Have I been an awful bitch?" He held his thumb an' forefingah about an inch apart. "Yah, well, I guess I'm entitled ta that much." I sat up. "Cupe, I just thought of somethin."

"What?"

"We been wonderin if Lump is a girl or a boy. What if she's BOTH?"

Cupid blinked. "Huh?"

"Ya know, like yer half-brothah, Hermaphroditus."

"Strife, he wasn't BORN that way. He melded with Salmacis when he bathed in her pool. That isn't something that's likely to happen often."

"Yah, well, if I can get preggers, I have no problem imaginin havin a kid with both an innie AN' an outie. Would it bother ya?"

He thought a little. "Not really. I think we'd both get kind of tired, though."

"Why?"

"Well, if it's a girl, we just have to worry about the boys, and if it's a boy, we just have to worry about the girls. If it's a girl AND a boy we have to worry about everyone."

"Well, there's no point in worryin about it now, so let's get back ta what Lump is gonna do. Ya suppose Unc would like a God of Bravery?"

"He might, and that would give Lump a wide range of influence, since there's all sorts of bravery. I suppose that you could use a Goddess of Conspiracies to help you and Dad out."

I nodded. "It would free up a lot of my time. How about tha God of Humah?"

"Wouldn't that fall into the Muses' domain?"

I waved. "Nah. They're nice broads, but they can't do slapstick fah shit. I mean, they nevah got a buncha Preatorian guards in a custard tart fight, did they? Tha only thing they think of ta do with banana peels is use 'em fah compost. I mean, I gave wunna them a dribble goblet an' I STILL ain't heard tha end of it."

"I know Zeus has been talking about appointing a deity for control of the stars, but I don't know how Artemis would take that, if Lump turns out to be a boy. And then Apollo would probably pout because Night had a helper and Day didn't."

"Eventhough he'd hate ta give up any of tha glory. I don't want any kid of min workin for Shine Boy, anyway. He'd have Lump muckin out his nags' stable--by hand."

There was a flash of red sparkles. "I'd like to see him try. I'd drive that chariot of his right up his ass."

Nope. Not Ares. Fooled ya, didn't I? No, aftah a few months of brooding an' kicking tha ass of any mortal that came within reach (I think maybe a coupla small villages in tha provinces had ta relocate) Ma had kinda settled inta tha thought of bein a grandma. At least she didn't go psycho every time it was mentioned, and she started droppin by now an' then ta check on me. It was a little disconcertin. I mean, fah mosta my life I only dealt with Ma when she was beltin me for some reason, or I was helpin her in tha performance of duties. "Ma! How ya doin?"

"Not bad." She materialized a chair an' dropped down into it beside me. "Just finished a nice little dust up. You were right, son. Changing their uniforms to match really threw them into a tizzy." She laughed. "It was so cool--they didn't know WHO to attack, so they just attacked everyone. Ares was pissed at both sides, so it worked out terrific." I sighed. Cupid frowned, and Ma looked uncomfortable. She hesitated, the awkwardly patter my shoulder. "You'll be back in the thick of it in no time, Strife."

"I guess, but I'm kinda gettin cabin fevah." Asclepius had declared at tha beginnin of my eighth month that I was ta give up my duties fah tha duration. I'd tried ta argue. I told 'im tha mortals would get fulla themselves if they didn't have me ta torment 'em. Cupid had gotten that 'look'—part patient, part stubborn, an' I knew that I was gonna do exactly what Ace said.

Eris slapped Cupe's back, right between tha wings. "What? This stud isn't keeping you occupied?"

I grinned. "Didn't say that, Ma, but I'm hankerin fah a different kinda action.

Her expression got a little stiff, an' she pointed at my bulging belly. She nevah asked ta feel Lump, like everyone else did. Even Zeus had felt Lump doin acrobatics, an' tha old goat had gotten a silly smile on his face. "How's the... uh...?"

"Lump's doin fine."

She kind of twisted in her seat. "It's kind of unfair. You didn't even get the one real benefit of being pregnant."

"What's that?"

"Your period stops."

I made a face. "Bleedin on schedule ain't my idea of fun."

"You're telling me? And since I get the whole nine yards--headaches, bloating, cramps, mood swings..." Cupe an' I exchanged looks. Yah, with Ma, how could ya tell if tha mood swings were tha monthlies induced ones, or just her normal ones? "What were you two discussing when I showed up? You're not considereing using Apollo as a babysitter, are you? I wouldn't trust that flake with Joxer's cat, and the cat can pretty well fend for itself."

"We were talking about what position Lump might get," Cupid told her. "You know Zeus--he refuses to even give us a hint. He wants to do the grand announcement thing."

Eris thought. "A God of Misunderstanding would be useful. He could operate in the houses of both Love AND War. Or he could appoint Lump God of Darkness. I hope not. He'd probably have to spend all his time hanging with Hades and Artemis."

Bliss came in. "Hi, Auntie Eris!" He came over for a kiss. "Whatcha doing?"

"We're trying to figure out what your little brother or sister is going to be when they grow up. You know, Strife is God of Mischief, your daddy is God of Love, I'm Goddess of Chaos..."

He nodded. "Unca 'Pollo is God of Hunks."

I almost choked. "Who told ya that, kiddo?"

"Unca 'Pollo."

"Why am I not surprised? He's also God of Tha Swelled Head." He looked puzzled. "You'll figuah it out when yer biggah. If anyone's God of Hunks, it's yer dad. Now, you got any ideas of what sorta job Lump might have?"

Bliss climbed up on Cupid's lap (couldn't get in mine anymore. Tartarus, I didn't HAVE one anymore), an' scratched his head. "Well... How 'bout Goddess of Friendship?"

We all exchanged looks. I leaned ovah an' gave him a smackin kiss on tha forehead. "My kid, tha genius. That'd be fantastic, Blissy." I sighed. "Tha sense of humah tha Fates have, though, we may end up with tha Goddess of Meaningful Discussions." Cupid shuddered. He had a hard time keepin some of his couples tagethah whenever wunna tha ladies wanted wunna THOSE.

Eris said, "Gaia might want a God or Goddess of Rain. That could come under either of the houses: Love for the gentle Spring sprinkles, and War for the violent thunderstorms and hurricanes."

"Geez, I hope not. We're gonna hafta deal with wet beds already without that." I sighed. "I guess there's no reason ta speculate. Zeus is gonna do whatevah strikes him. He'd probably declare Lump tha Goddess of Hot Sheet Motels." They all looked at me. "Future reference. I'm gonna do summa my best work there. Well," I started ta haul myself up. I was shocked when Ma jumped up an' put her arm undah mine, helpin me up. I couldn't remembah tha last time she'd touched me except ta shake me silly. "I, uh, I gotta go fah my daily waddle in tha garden."

Bliss climbed down. "I come, too." He took my hand. "Come on, Stwife. Watch you step. Don't walk too fast, you shake Lump up." He put his othah hand undah my belly. "You want me to help you carry Lump?"

I giggled. "Nah, I can handle it. Maybe next month ya can get Heph ta make me a wheelbarrow, or somethin."

"Strife, don't take any chances. If you feel the LEAST bit light headed, you blink up a chair RIGHT THEN and sit down, or I'll kick your butt after that baby is born." She looked a little embarrassed. A handbell appeared in her hand, an' she passed it ta me. "If you need anything, give that a clang, and I'll be right with you."

"I..." Ma? Offerin ta go outta her way fah ME? I felt an itchy sensation in my eyes, an' blinked really fast. "Uh, thanks, Ma."

She looked away, picking at her breastplate, then looked back at me. "Yes, well," her voice was gruff. "Just don't abuse it." She flashed out without anothah word of good-bye.

I looked at Cupe. "Cupe? Ya think maybe Ma's sick?"

He smiled. "No. I just think that maybe she's not just learing how to be a grandma, she's starting to learn how to be a mother, too."

Month Nine: Approachin Critical Mass

"Strife, what did I tell you about over doing it?"

"Ah, c'mon, Cupe. I'm sittin down, ain't I?"

"Strife, honey, that isn't the POINT. Look, it isn't just that you can clean those windows by flashing them clean..."

"I like ta make sure that I get all tha streaks out, an' these old scrolls work terrific. See, tha oil in tha ink keeps them from leavin smears..."

"Strife, the point is that we didn't even HAVE glass windows when I left. You had to CREATE them in order to have an excuse to clean them, which you really shouldn't be doing in your condition."

I grunted, startin ta heavin myself up. I sloshed murky water on my pants, and said, "Poop."

Cupid felt my forehead. "Babe?"

"I'm tryin ta be careful of tha language. Lump is so close ta bein here I wouldn't be surprised if an ear had already popped out somewhere."

"Right, which is why you should be taking it easy." He flashed away the bowl an' papahs, looped his arms around me, an' heaved me tha rest of tha way up. When he got me verticle he leaned ovah my swollen belly an' kissed me. He framed my tummy with his hands, spreadin them out on eithah side, an' cooed down at it, "Lazy ol' Lump. You should have been here at least a week ago. Enjoy it while you can, kid. Once you're here and start growning up, you'll be kept busy with your duties--whatever they're gonna be." He glanced up at me. "No news on that front, I take it?"

I shook my head. "Why tha Tartarus couldn't itta been Hera in charge of passin out tha assignments? Dite woulda been able ta wiggle it outta her." I sniffed. "Outta tha way, lover. I got buns in tha oven."

As I pushed past him, Cupe said, "I know you have a bun in tha oven, Strife. You don't have to..." Suddenly his voice rose. "Strife! You don't mean that..."

"Ah, cripes, Cupe, no! Don't worry about anothah triple J experience." I shuddahed. "I love Joxie, Jace is amusin, an' Jett's cool in a scary sorta way, but no! No, we just go Lump, singulah. I mean that I got BUNS in tha oven." I bustled ovah to tha little room I'd added on our bedroom about a month before.

Cupid heaved a sigh. "I keep forgetting that you added a kitchen. We have to be the only gods on Olympus with a working kitchen."

"Yah, well..." I opened tha oven, lettin tha warm, yeasty smell wash ovah me. "Bakin is a lotta fun--as long as ya don't hafta do it." I materialized a thick cloth an' lifted tha heavy wooden bakin sheet outta tha oven, settin it on tha table. When Cupe reached for one I slapped his hand. "Lay off for a minute, greedy. Ya want blistahs on yer fingahs?"

Cupid tried ta snatch one again. "Like I can't heal them?"

I batted his hand away again. "Quittit. I still gotta ice 'em. Have some of tha fig cake I made yestahday, or I made a nice custard this mornin."

Cupid created a plate and helped himself to a hefty portion of both. "I'm going to end up gaining as much weight as you have if Lump doesn't get here soon."

"It's a measure of how anxious I am ta get my kid here that I ain't even ticked with ya fah that remark." I separated eggs, then mentally whipped tha whites till they were nice an' fluffy, sweetinin them with honey. No, I DIDN'T do that by hand. Shit, I was domestic, but I wasn't a masochist. *giggle* Well, not ta tha extent of workin my arm off whippin egg whites, anyway. Cupe was leaning back against tha wall, eatin, an' his crotch was kinda pushed out. I licked
my lips. Well, I MIGHT be willin, dependin on what tha meringue was goin on. "Where's Bliss?"

"Taking a nap." He paused, a spoon of golden custard halfway to his mouth, and smiled. "Why?"

I waved my hand, and tha buns were iced. Tha PASTRY buns, not Cupe's. That wasn't tha part of his anatomy I had my mind on right then. I sidled ovah an' sorta rubbed against him. "Hey, sailah. New in town?"

Cupid smiled. "Why sir, what are you suggesting?"

"Well, I was just thinkin, since we don't have tha problems about clean up that those poor mortal shnooks do..." I reached ovah ta tha counter an' picked up a small flask, wigglin at him. He lifted one eyebrow. "Honey. I happen ta have some left ovah from that baklava I did yestahday."

Cupid quickly scraped tha last of tha food inta his mouth, put away tha dish, an' grabbed my hand, pullin me back inta tha bedroom. "How are we going to do this?" Once uponna time this had just meant pickin an' choosin what struck our whims. Lately it was a mattah of logistics. Lump hadta be taken inta considahration.

I sat on tha edge of tha bed, spreadin my knees. "I think ya can still get close enough this way." His pants disappeahed as he stepped up between my knees. "Hey! No fair startin without me!" I ran my fingahs up tha length of his half-hard cock, lovin tha way he twitched at my touch. I took tha stoppah out of tha flask, covahed tha neck with one fingah, an' turned it upside down for a second. My fingahtip was coated with golden, sticky liquid when I set it back down. I gently smeared tha honey ovah his cockhead, pausin ta tickle tha little slit. I could feel him swellin even more.

I bent forwahd. In this position, my tummy could fit between my thighs, an' I could reach. I couldn't lean ovah far enough to reach around an' get a fingah inta Cupe, but we made do. I held Cupe with both hands an' started cleanin his glans with tha tiniest licks I could manage. Once I had that clean I dribbled a stream down his cock, twirlin tha flask so that it spiralled around from tip ta base.

I went ahead an' got ridda tha flask, since I didn't think we were gonna last long enough ta use any more of it. I took tha rosy head gently between my fingah tips an' whispahed, "Now, I'm gonna hafta work from tha bottom up. If I don't, it's gonna collect on yer balls an' I don't think I can bend ovah far enough ta suck 'em in this position."

"Do you hear me complaining? Please, babe."

I caught tha first sweet, gold dribble before it could fall inta tha curly hairs around tha base of his cock. I got my cheeks a little sticky when I hadda bend his staff down a little so I could flick my tongue across tha inside fold where his cock met his crotch. I wasn't gonna be able ta lick tha inside face of his cock without hurtin one or tha othah of us, so I figured I'd just take care of that when I deep throated him. I concentrated on lappin the sides an' undahside, tracin that little ridge that ran up tha length, mappin out all tha veins. He started moanin. When I finally reached tha top I looked up at him.

He was watchin me with eyes as gold as tha honey, an' his face was pink an' damp. He'd bitten his lip till it was so swollen that I was tempted ta break off what I was doin just ta nibble on it a little myself. But he put his hands in my hair, whisperin tha most beautiful, lovin, dirty things, an' I just couldn't make him wait any more. Oh, hell--I'll admit it--I couldn't wait anymore.

I took 'im down my throat slowly, all tha way without stoppin, then back. I pulled off an smacked my lips. "Okay, clean-up's ovah."

"Strife!" It wasn't quite a wail.

I giggled. "As if. Oh! Look!" I made my voice very bright. I touched tha tip of his cock with one fingah. "Yer leakin. I guess clean-up ain't done yet." I deep throated him again. I sucked softly while he started rockin his hips, very gently. He kept gettin hardah an biggah. After a little while I pulled off again, rubbin my face against his bare belly. "Cupe, baby? Dya think that maybe ya
could...?"

He hugged me, bendin ovah me ta kiss tha back of my neck. "What? Tell me what you want, lover."

"I'd really like ta feel ya inside me."

He hesitated. "Are you sure it would be safe?"

"Cupe, I'm ALREADY preggers, so we don't hafta worry about that. An' I'm over-ripe. If fuckin me would induce Lump ta finally make his debut, I'd see that as a bonus."

"All right, love. I can't think of anything I want more at this moment than to be inside you."

We arranged ourselves. There'd been a consultation with Joxer an' Ares when I got ta tha point where doggie style was no longah comfortable. They'd declined ta give a complete demonstration, dammit. Just as well, I s'pose. Cupe had looked a little green when I suggested it. They HAD shown us, briefly an' fully clothed, how ta get inta tha right position, complete with the best way ta prop Lump up for maximum support an' comfort.

I lay on my side, and Cupe carefully tucked pillows undah an' around me till my Lump-stuffed tummy was supported, an' my head an' neck rested at a good angle. When he had me situated he squatted by tha bed, runnin his hands ovah my chest. I'd finally gotten used ta tha idea that I'd become somethin of a dairy. It helped that I didn't swell too much, though I figurahed that meant I was gonna hafta start bottle feedin a little earlier than I might have wanted to. I'd removed tha nipple rings at tha beginnin of tha month. I figuahed I'd put 'em back aftah Lump went ta solids.

Cupe brushed his fingahs ovah tha little peaks, bringin them to attention. He sighed, lickin his lips, an' pinched gently. I felt tha moisture almost immediately. In a second, he was glidin in warm fluid. He looked at me questioninly, and I nodded. Reachin out, I cupped tha back of his head an' drew him down. I closed my eyes as his lips fastened around one distended bud an' he began ta suckle.

I'd asked him why tha first time he asked if he could do it, an' he said because it was part of me, an' he loved ALL of me. He'd had my cock in his mouth an' his tongue up my ass, so why should he be freaked by somethin as wholesome as milk? He moved ovah ta tha othah side, and I sighed, archin into tha soft wetness. "Cupe?" I whispahed. "What's it like?"

He lifted his head, shiny lips pressed tagethah firmly, an kissed me. I opened my mouth, an' he opened his, and I felt tha milk flow inta my mouth. It was warm, an a little sweet. I swallowed, an' licked Cupe's lips, then whispahed again. "I still don't know. It was Cupid flavahed." He chuckled, an' I said, "That's if fah you, buddy. I gotta conserve it fah Lump from now on."

Cupid nodded, strokin my face, then he moved ta lay on his side behind me and started caressin me. I could feel his hard dick nestled in tha crack of my ass, but he showed no impatience now. His hands glided everuwhere, from throat ta thighs while he kissed an' licked my throat, my ear, my shouldah, tha back of my neck.

I oiled myself with a thought, an' bent my top leg, plantin my foot flat so that I was spread open. I took hold of his hand, an' moved it back ta my ass. I found out from Joxer how lucky I was that I hadn't gotten hemaroids. "Ace finally came up with the right spell to get rid of them, but BOY was Ares frustrated for a few months." I didn't even know what hemeroids were till Joxer told me. I immediately started tryin ta figure out if there was a way I could inflict 'em on mortals.

Cupe slipped one fingah gently inta me. When it was coated with oil he withdrew an' wiped it tha length of my crack, then massaged it around, gettin tha entire valley greased ta be sure I didn't get chafed. Whe he went back ta my asshole he slipped two fingahs in this time. I muttered happily, pushin back at him. He hooked his free arm ovah me, plasterin our uppah bodies tagethah as he pumped an' spread his fingahs, loosenin me. He spread his hand flat on my chest, then pushed deepah and curled his fingahs, findin my hot spot. Warmth an' pleasure washed through me, an' I moaned. "Sweet baby," he whispered against my throat, doin it again.

By this time my cock was at full attention, pokin a dent in tha shelf of my tummy. In fact, tha little movements I made every time Cupe pushed his fingahs inta me rubbed tha slick head against tha undahside of my belly, an' that was n-i-c-e.

Then Cupe pulled his fingahs out of me an' gripped my hip with one hand an' his cock with the othah. He pressed against my anus, nudgin gently. I grabbed his wrist an' pushed back quickly, takin tha first couple of inches inside me. "Strife!" He scolded. "Baby, relax! I'm going to fuck you, don't worry about that, but if you don't take it easy you're going to throw your back out."

"Less talk, more dick."

"Bossy."

"Ya know it."

He started ta move inside me, fuckin with long, smooth strokes, alternatin with tha short, hard jabs that I love. He glided ovah my sweet spot almost every time, an' it wasn't long till I was shakin with pleasure. When he paused I groaned, "What? Ya didn't come yet, I can tell." He had pushed up on his hand, arm straight, liftin his uppah body, an' he was reachin down an' around with his othah hand. "Cupe, what...?" His hand slipped undah my belly an' his greased fingahs closed around my rigid prick. "Oh, that." He started ta jerk me off. I whimpered, "You talk about MY back? Yer gonna get a spasm."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"FUCK no! Just hurry up." He did. I came in just a dozen or so strokes, then he settled back down an' enjoyed tha way my ass clenched around his buried prick. When I quieted down a little he finished with a few lazy, deep grinds, fillin me with warmth. Then we just laid there, still joined, an I just sorta hummed with happiness.

"Ya know," I yawned. "I think Bliss has a good idea with this nap business."

"You do that, sweetheart." Cupid kissed me, then cleaned both of us, an' tha bed up. He stood up dressed. When I found that I was wearing a light, loose tunic I raised an eyebrow at him. I slept raw. He answered tha unasked question. "Because it can be any minute now, and the last thing you need to worry about is getting dressed, that's why. I'm just going to run some of my special metal over to Hephastus--he's running low. Who should I call over?"

I scowled. "No one."

"Strife..."

"Zeus, Cupe, I ain't needed a babysittah since... when WAS tha last ice age?"

"This is different, and you know it."

"Oh, c'mon. You're gonna be gone HOW long? Hour, half-hour? Bliss is here, an' he knows how ta get ta Ares or Dite if anythin happens an' for some alien reason I can't call 'em MYSELF."

"Well... do you promise not to do anything like trying to polish the floor or varnish the ceiling while I'm gone?" I laid a hand ovah my heart an' crossed my eyes. He laughed. "I'm holding you to it. I've told Bliss that he has to snitch on you if he catches you doing anything bad for you or Lump."

"Hey!" I smiled. "I'M s'posed ta train him in things like that." He shook his head, kissed me, an' flashed out. I discarded my plans ta try ta whip up some curtains fah tha windows I'd made earliah, an' dozed off.

I woke up with someone pattin my face. Judgin from tha size of tha fingahs, I knew who it was. I opened my eyes an smiled. "Hey, Blissman."

"Hey, Stwifester." I was teachin him annoyin nicknames.

I rolled on my back. "Run around an' climb on up." He did, an' started massagin my belly.

"Stwife? How's Lump gonna get out of you belly?"

"Uhhh...." Actually, Cupe, an' me, an' Asclepius, an' Joxer, an' Ares, an' well, just about everybody, had discussed that. Everybody but Gaia, who just sweetly told us not ta worry, an' she hadda get back ta mulching her roses. I was sure she knew, but since she has that whole 'mystery of nature' thing goin on, she wasn't sayin. Cupe tried ta wheedle it outta her by spreadin fertilizer on every flowah bed an' vegetable plot she had, an' all he ended up with was stinky hands.

Tha thing was, there just wasn't that many cases of male pregnancy ta refer to. There was Zeus an' Athena, but that was more like spontaneous generation, an' he was Zeus (duh). There was Joxer, but he was a mortal made divine. He'd had ta have a ceasarian (just like that megalomaniac ta put his name on a damn surgical procedure, right?). I watched Uncle Ares while that was goin on (tha only way they kept him outta tha delivery room was with Zeus, Hera, Apollow, AN' Aprhodite combinin powers ta keep him out, an' they all ended up lookin like they'd been ragged around Olympus by their hair. It was a damn good thing Joxer an' Accord came out of it okay. I think there mighta been bloody chaos if they hadn't. Ares wouldn't have been able ta help it.

We'd discussed possibilities, but hadn't figured out anythin. I was kinda hopin I wasn't gonna grow a vagina ta squirt Lump out--I wasn't entirely sure it would go away, an' my life has been confused enough.

"Stwife?"

Oh, crap. Big, blue eyes lookin ta me fah an explination. I said brightly, "How d' YOU think
Lump'll get out?"

He sat cross-legged, frownin seriously. Finally he said, "Well, I don't think you gonna poop Lump out."

"Why not?"

He wrinkled his nose. "That's kinda nasty. And I don't think you gonna spit Lump up, 'cause you might bit 'im by accident, and I don't think Greatsomethin Gran'ma Gaia would let that happen."

"Makes sense."

"So, I guess there's only one other way." He gently poked my tummy. "You bellybutton."

I laughed. "Aw, geez, kid, an' ya say there ain't room fah me ta spit 'im out."

"But Stwife, bellybuttons stwetch, and..." he was tryin ta find words, "Well, it isn't really closed, is it?"

"Of course it..." I trailef off. "Ya know, on innies, I really couldn't say."

"And you gots an innie," Bliss said, like that explained it.

I shrugged. "Makes bettah sense than a lot of things."

Cupid flashed into tha room, an armload of fresh arrows in his arms. "Hey, my two favorite guys in one place!" He stored tha arrows in a chest, then came ta sit with us. "What have you two been talking about?"

"Delivahry possibilities." I grimaced. "Damn, Lump!"

Cupid rubbed Bliss's head. "Kicking bad, babe?"

"Nah, this is different. It feels like he's bracin his feet on my spine an' pushin out as hard as he can. Feel." Cupid started ta touch my tummy, an' then...

Look, I'm not exageratin, 'kay? Tha damn tunic LIFTED, humpin up right undah his palm. At tha same time my whole stomach sorta rippled. Tha only way I can explain it is--ya know how rings spread out when ya drop a pebble in watah? Well, reverse that. Tha ripple was movin IN.

We all stayed frozen, starin at my tummy. I whispered, "Cupe? I feel awful funny."

Bliss an' me both squeaked when tha bump poked up again. Bliss gasped, "Lump's coming!"

I winced. "Ooo, is tha little booger gonna PUNCH his way out? That's gonna hurt like dickens."

Cupid stood up, takin Bliss with him. His expression was very calm, but he yelled, "DAD!"

FLASH!

Ares took one look at us an' yelled, "JOXER!"

FLASH!

Joxer appeared, Accord ridin against his shouldah. He looked around, handed tha baby ta Ares, cupped his hands ovah Accord's ears, an' yelled, "ACE!"

FLASH!

Asclepius appeahed, looked at me, an opened his mouth. A spasm hit me right about then, an' I yelled, "RING A FREAKIN BELL OR SOMETHIN!"

Asclepius pointed at Ares Joxer an' Cupid. "You two--round up Dite, Demeter, and Hera. Try to keep Zeus out of this."

"Eris!"

Asclepius looked at me. "Um, Strife? Eris is a little... uh... It might be better if we wait till we're sure..."

"I WANT MY MOMMY!"

FLASH!

Ma appeahed on tha othah side of tha room. Luckily Ace had enough sense ta jump outta her way as she charged ovah. She dropped down ta sit by me, an' I threw my arms around her, buryin my face against her side. I nevah knew leathah armor could be so comfortin.

She glared at Asclepius. "After you take care of my son and my grandchild, you and I are going to have a TALK." Ace got pale. Ma's TALKS are legendery. I wasn't worried. I knew that as long as me an' Lump came through this all right, she was gonna forget about bein pissed. I hoped. She looked at tha othahs. "Well? Shouldn't you dorks be boiling water or something? You!" She pointed at Cupid. "Don't MAKE me sorry I let you have my baby! YOU'RE responsible for this, so get your feathery butt in gear and do what Ace told you! MOVE!"

Cupid dropped a quick kiss on my forehead, keepin his eyes on Ma ta make sure she didn't bite or somethin. "I'll hurry, Strife." I grabbed his hands, squeezin hard, an' his eyes softened. "It's gonna be all right, babe. The Fates really don't want to have ALL of us after them."

FLASH!

Cupe an' Joxer were gone. Ares held out his hand ta Bliss. "Come on, little man. This isn't any place for you right now."

Bliss looked at me anxiously. "Stwife?"

I made myself smile at him. "Gonna be kinda busy here for a little while, Blissy. You go help Unca 'Res watch Cord, 'kay? Soon as we can, I'll have ya come in an' meet Lump face ta face."

"Promise?"

"Hey! Don't insult me, ya brat." He smiled, gave me a kiss, an' went ta Ares.

Ares shifted uncomfortably, an' said, "Strife..."

"Yah, I know. G'wan." I chuckled weakly. "Yer tha one that's gonna be watchin an infant an' a toddler. I got tha easy job." They left, an' I was glad that Bliss got outta there before tha next contraction hit me, cause I almost tore off a fistful of sheets, an' I bit my lip bloody. I groaned as it eased up, an looked at Asclepius. "Ya know, Ace, if Bliss didn't already have a job, I'd say ya oughta take him on as an apprentise. Tha kid is SHARP."