Show it comes from: Hercules

Title: Things get worse... and worse... and worse...

Author: Adalisa

Feedback: I love it. It's inspiring... and let's face it, it's the only real reason to keep writing.

Distribution: My site, anyone else, just ask.

Summary: Hercules begins dealing with Iolaus' cursed state... And Iolaus discovers that maybe things aren't all that bad.

Rating: R

Disclaimer: Hercules, Iolaus and all the Hercules characters belong to MCA Universal and Renaissance Pictures who also own Xena. Ranma 1/2 related stuff belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. The Greek gods and goddess belong to mythology and greek culture. I am not making any money out of this, really. I don't even get to hold them a little while. So please, don't sue. With the peso-dollar exchange, you would end up loosing money if I paid.

Content: I/Others

Warning: This has m/m, and some m/f and f/f insinuations. Spoilers: There are some mentions to A Fowl Day and My Fair Cupcake

Notes: I just saw Apocalypse Now, A Fowl Day and My Fair Cupcake... I really, really love Iolaus... and Ares happens to be one of the coolest villians I ever saw... So I think I know where I will take this. Now, I know I'm jumping around continuity, but the channel I have airs both shows out of order, so to be on the safe side... In this reality all the stuff about Gabrielle wearing Hindu' clothing never happened, O.k? And Alcmene is not death either, we need her around to do some counseling for her poor confused son.

THINGS GET WORSE...AND WORSE...AND WORSE

By Adalisa

The walk to Tirene was done almost in complete silence.

After breakfast, Iolaus and Hercules had a brief but intense discussion over the hunter's clothes. While Iolaus insisted that _nothing_ would make him part with his well-worn clothes, that no one would force him to wear an undershirt like the demigod did, because _MEN_ did not need to cover their chests if they didn't want to, Hercules could not find the words to tell his friend that seeing his bare _breasts_ whenever he moved too fast or open her arms too wide was impossibly distracting.

But knowing that he had lost the fight, Hercules gave up. Thus, he didn't really felt like talking.

Iolaus, on the other hand, couldn't stop talking. He was nervous, and scared, and the only way he had to deal with it was constant chat. As time passed and subjects ran through all the specter of mankind knowledge, Hercules discovered that he was growing used to Iolaus' new voice... but missed the male tone terribly.

They had to get to Tirene, get some hot water and be done with the whole fiasco. And _then_ they had to rescue Autolycus.

"Hercules!! I've been looking for you all over!!" Almost as if he had been summoned by the demi-god's thoughts, the thief was walking toward them. Trying not to call attention to himself, Iolaus crossed her arms over her breasts, as if that was enough to hide his transformation.

"Autolycus..." he began, wondering what could he say that diverted Autolycus attention from Iolaus, and did not lit the blonde's rage. At the end, he decided to stall. "How did you escape Argos' palace?"

The thief blinked, trying to hide his shock at the question. The truth was that after Hercules's and Iolaus's disappearances, he had spent half an hour trying to get the exact location to where Circe had sent the heroes only getting that they were _supposed_ to be somewhere in the kingdom of Chin. Without wanting to spend more time with them, Autolycus had gotten in the first caravan he found, hoping to find his friends sooner. Surprisingly, he felt a little bit guilty, fully aware that if Iolaus or Hercules got hurt... all his plans around Shorty would be destroyed. "Ah... You know, Hercules... no dungeon can hold me for long."

"And that's why you always need to be rescued." Iolaus said, placing her arms in her hip, obviously forgetting his current situation. He hadn't missed Autolycus' hesitation, and wanted to find out what had caused it. Suddenly, he was sure that the thief was hiding something.

"And who would you be... miss...?" Apparently forgetting the demi-god, Autolycus flashed him a charming smile.

"Autolycus... you are not going to believe this, but she is Iola..."

"Iolae." The hunter interrupted Hercules, trying to look as feminine as he could. He knew that if Autolycus learned the truth, he would tease him to death. "I'm Iolaus' cousin."

"Really?" Lifting his eyebrow, Autolycus leaned down and kissed her hand. "I have to talk with Iolaus. He never told me he had such a beautiful cousin."

"Oh!" Against his own volition, Iolaus blushed. It was an almost perfect opportunity to find out what the thief was hiding. "Well... _he_ sure has talked about you, the great Autolycus, King of Thieves..." As he spoke, Iolaus retrieved her hand, batting her lashes shyly. It was something many girls had done for him when he and Hercules stopped at taverns, and he was almost sure that the other man would fall for it, especially if he added some words for his ego.

"We have shared some great adventures," Autolycus agreed, without taking his eyes from 'Iolae'. "We're great friends, very close... And of course, _I_ taught him all he knows about my trade. I have always said that Iolaus is the Second greatest thief in the known world."

"I'm sure he thinks the same about you." The words were filled with sarcasm, but neither the thief nor Hercules seemed to notice it. Iolaus was too angry to care. He really wanted to show the irritating man a lesson, and the best way to do so was to turn the tables on him. "I always enjoy hearing about your time togheter... Like when you two beat Discord..."

"He told you about that time?" The dark-haired man managed to hid his shock with a chuckle, and he nonchalantly placed his arm around 'Iolae's' shoulder. "Of course, my lady, you will love to hear my part of the tale..."

"Oh? Would you?" Iolaus gasped, very proud of his performance. He had seen Aphrodite do similar acts on Hercules from time to time, and was very intent on making a proper offering to the goddess if he managed to get out with it. "I'd be very grateful... Cousin Iolaus tends to exaggerate a little when he tells his adventures..."

"And where is my good old friend?" Autolycus suddenly asked, as if he had just remembered that Iolaus was not present. "I thought he was with you, Hercules..."

The demi-god stared at his friends, caught surprised for a second. He had been paying less attention to their talk than to their movements, shocked to see Iolaus act like a girl. If he didn't know his friend better, he would have sworn that Iolaus was flirting with Autolycus. And as soon as that thought invaded his mind, another, much more primal, came to him **BACK OFF, he is _MINE_!!!**. Thankfully, for both his mental health and Autolycus' well being, the shock that followed was enough to keep him grounded. He could not be jealous of Autolycus, because he didn't care _that_ way about Iolaus... and he had to answer the thief question before his friends noticed there was something wrong. "He... stayed with Iolae's parents... and he'll caught up with us at Tirene..."

"Very well, then we have to get on our way! I can't wait to see my dear friend again!"

Walking a few steps behind the pair, Hercules sighed. They had to get to Tirene, get rid of Autolycus, and change Iolaus back soon, so everything could get back to normal.

After all, things couldn't get worse.

* * *

If Hercules had been planning to get a new job, the position of Oracle was not for him.

When they got to Tirene, Autolycus insisted on accompanying them until Iolaus appeared, because it would not be well seen if a young lady such as Iolae traveled alone with a man, even if said man was Hercules. Curiously, the subject of her clothing wasn't mentioned even once, and thus, Iolaus' mood had brightened. Still, Hercules wanted to spend some time with his friend, alone, so they could get used to their new situation.

But the fates had other plans.

"Hercules! Hi!" Watching the blonde bard running towards them, Hercules couldn't help but groan. With his luck, it seemed that he was destined to find every single one of his friends before Iolaus could change back.

"Gabrielle! It's good to see you again." The son of Zeus said, managing to sound believable. "You and Xena are staying here?"

"Ah.. We're more like passing through. We're on our way to Solan's grave..." The bard' blue eyes became somber, but lighten again when she saw Iolaus. "Say, who's your friend? A new girlfriend?"

"No!" Hercules answered, a little too fast and to vehement for Iolaus' taste. Of course, he didn't thought of himself as Hercules' 'girlfriend' but he would have rather see the hero do his usual blush and blabber routine. "She's Iolaus' cousin, Iolae."

"It's great to meet new friends..." Gabrielle smiled and held out her hand. "And I can't tell you how happy I am to see Iolaus again!"

"Oh... well, my cousin won't be here in a while..." Iolaus began, just to see how Gabrielle' smile flickered. He liked Xena's young partner a lot, and more than once had shared tales with her about how terrible it was to be sidekicks of legends. And even when he would never tell her who 'she' was, he didn't want to see her sad. "... but I'm sure he will be very glad to see you... I mean... he always talks about all his friends, and I never thought I would get to meet you all... because, well, I am just a common villager and you... well you're the _great_ Gabrielle, Queen of the Amazons!"

"I'm not that famous..." the young girl blushed, and Hercules rolled his eyes. It was starting to worry him how much Iolaus was behaving like his sister Aphrodite. What if it was also part of the curse? What would happen if they didn't got hot water soon?

"Oh... but your stories about the great Xena are known through all Greece!"

"And sometimes, that gets her in trouble." Xena interrupted. The Warrior Princess was looking at them with a scowl in her face, especially at Iolae. Her icy tone was enough to freeze the small group. "Hercules, Autolycus..."

"Iolae." Both Autolycus and Gabrielle offered, as Iolaus smiled at Xena. He had forgiven her for what she had done to him and Hercules long ago, but in his heart, he still had some problems trusting her, especially when the tough woman was putting her Warlord face.

"I... It's an honor to meet you..." If anything, Xena scowl grew somber. Iolaus' guessed that it was because as a warrior, Xena had little or no patience to giggling 'cute' girls, and he had to admit that trying to act like one while in presence of Autolycus. But when Xena's eyes fixed in her breast, he suddenly realized that what bothered the woman was not his words, but his choice of clothing.

Just like Hercules.

**That's her trouble! Besides, her clothes aren't exactly the choice of wear for Hestia' virgins either!** the hunter thought, but still tried to lessen his 'Dite impression, just to be on the safe side.

"Say, why don't we all go to the Inn?" Gabrielle chirped, obvious to Xena's bad mood. "That way we can wait for Iolaus _and_ get to know Iolae better!"

And much to Hercules' chagrin, everyone agreed.

PART TWO

In the Inn, Xena's and Hercules' mood didn't improve. Gabrielle was reading to 'Iolae' one of her latest scrolls, while Autolycus treated the hunter like a princess. And although Iolaus didn't know, it was because he had gone from being the hunter to become the prey.

He was half-aware of the hold he had on Autolycus, but credited it on the thief's ego. However, he was obvious to the fascination Gabrielle had taken on him. Because, even when his body was that of a woman, he was still the same charming man who could make girls swoon with a smile, just by being himself... and he was drawing too much attention to himself, by not remembering the _very_ different situation he was in.

Still, he was not so distracted as not to note Hercules' growing frown. When Gabrielle finished the story about how Autolycus had saved Xena's life, and the young bard had become Queen of Amazons, Iolaus excused himself, saying that she had remembered that she had to meet with an old friend. After saying goodbye as politely as he could, he ran to the stairs that lead to the rooms.

His plan was to get some hot water, change back, wait a while, and then appear as Iolaus saying that Iolae had had to go. Simple and quick.

But as Hercules could have told him, things were never simple and quick.

He was so distracted on what he would have to say when coming back, that he didn't saw a big man approaching him until he was in front of her.

"Hey, pretty.. Wanna beer?" The man, obviously drunk, asked. Iolaus looked at him with some disgust. It was that kind of men the ones who gave him and Autolycus a bad reputation. "I can make it worth your while."

"No, thanks. I'm not interested." Iolaus moved, fully intending to leave, but the impertinent drunk grabbed her arm, holding it painfully. "HEY!"

"The lady said she was not interested..." Another voice said, and Iolaus was surprised to see Joxer standing near them. Apparently, the warrior wannabe had been coming down the stairs in that precise moment, and was doing his best to do the 'white knight' role...

Unfortunately, even if Joxer had a noble spirit, he lacked co-ordination and ability and soon ended up with the face on the mud. Iolaus shook her head, touched, but when he tried to move towards Joxer, the drunken man pulled her arm again.

"Don't touch me." He said, her voice as icy as Xena's.

"Oh-ho-ho! The girlie has spirit!" A second man came to his back, trying to block his way. Behind him were at least three other men, none of them looking friendly.

>From the corner of his eyes, Iolaus could see how his friends got to his feet, ready to come to his rescue. However, the hunter was not in the mood to actually wait for them to rescue her as if he were a maiden in disgrace. He was very capable of defending himself without help.

"I. SAID. DON'T. TOUCH. ME" With all his strength, he jerked her arm free, elbowing the man behind him, forcing him to double over in pain. Using him as bench, he kicked the other in the stomach, and the neck, and soon he had her hands full with drunken men.

If he had stopped to think about the fight, he would have probably noted it strange that no one of his friends rushed to help. He was too absorbed venting the frustrations of the past week, to realize that his vest had flipped open, offering a free show to everyone in the tavern, among whom were Autolycus, Hercules, Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer.

The reactions about it were of different degrees. Many of the clients of the inn only prayed their thanks to Aphrodite and Ares for such a vision of beauty, mixed with the emotion of the brawl.

Autolycus was amazed of Iolae's spirit and courage, not to mention her bouncing 'attributes' that he had managed to almost ignore on the way to Tirene, but now were free to see in all their glory.

Gabrielle couldn't believe the way in which Iolae fought, just like a man, in men's territory. She had seen Xena fight many times, and she was the first to say that Xena was better than any man... but there was something mesmerizing in Iolae's technique and she couldn't take her eyes away from the blonde woman.

Hercules... he only wanted the earth to swallow him whole. He had thought that he had finally overcome the nearness of Iolaus' half naked female figure, after seeing him two days in that guise... But after his dream... and Iolaus' flirting with Autolycus... and the fight... He couldn't take his eyes away from his friend, not even to help him.

Xena did not show her own admiration, only lifting an eyebrow, her thoughts private.

The one who had the best view was, without a doubt, Joxer. He was struggling careful to his feet, avoiding the falling drunken men, wondering when Xena had arrived, given the fact that he heard cheering for 'that awesome girl', but soon realized his mistake when he got a glimpse of blonde hair and fair skin.

**Gabrielle, then** he smiled, thanking for his good luck, when he realized that it was the blonde girl whom he had tried to rescue, who was doing a mightily good job of rescuing herself.

Once the last drunk was disposed off, she bent down and held out her hand to help him to his feet. "Are you all right, Joxer?" She asked, worried.

"Sure. I had them right where I wanted them." He answered, undusting his armor. He was aware that he had done little to help the girl, but that gave him no reason to be rude.

"If Iolae hadn't been here, they would have killed you, Joxer." Gabrielle said, as she and the others finally overcame their shocks and walked towards them. After bruising Joxer's ego, as she did every time she could, the bard turned to Iolaus. "Wow! That was great, Iolae! Where did you learn to fight?"

"Probably Iolaus' taught her." Xena's voice was now tinted with sarcasm, and Iolaus knew why. He had used that excuse too many times over the curse of dinner. As fun as it had been to play with his new talents, he really needed to go back to his normal gender before he made a mistake.

Because if he did made a mistake, things only were bound to get worse.

* * *

Ares watched the brawl with mixed interest. He had been originally bent on spying Joxer, because the man, as incompetent and weak as he was, was also one of his most fervent followers and it was always good for a laugh or two... especially if the God of War manipulated him into bumping with Xena. It was a small pleasure between battles, and one in which he hadn't indulged in a long time.

Also, he had heard the mixed prayers of gratitude coming from the people at the Inn in Tirene, and curiosity won the best of him.

First he saw Joxer in the position he almost always found the hapless warrior. Face to face with the floor. If nothing else, he would have to get _someone_ to teach Joxer how to stand. As amusing as the man was, seeing him trip with his own feet could get old after a while.

Then, he saw _her_ .

The blonde mortal woman caught his attention immediately, just for the way she moved. The God of War had seen many warrior women in his eternal life. The Amazons, Atalanta, Xena, Callisto... But even when those women were temible opponents, none of them moved like this one. Whoever she was, this woman moved like if she were a man.

More so, she dressed like one. There was no hint of shyness or modesty as she kicked those who had insulted her, as her open vest showed her round, firm breasts. No self-consciousness as she helped Joxer to his feet, even when he let his eyes wander to her bust for a moment, blushing furiously as Gabrielle approached.

And she was with his half-brother, Hercules. For what Ares could see in the half-mortal's face, his brother was none too happy to see her display of ability and strength.

The God of War turned his attention away from the scene for a moment, and began plotting.

As a god, he was used to take whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. And now, he wanted that woman.

Now the only question was how to get her, and hurt Hercules and Xena in the process.

* * *

After the brawl in the bar, it was harder for Iolaus to find a reason to get away from the group. Autolycus, Joxer and Gabrielle were insisting that she shouldn't go by herself, in the light of what had almost happened, if it wasn't for her good reflexes and, in a way, Joxer's intervention. Only then Iolaus started feeling nervous. He was sure that he could take Autolycus advances with a giggle and then ignore the thief, but he didn't want to incur in Xena's wrath, who seemed to get more and more angered as the time passed.

It was Hercules the one who managed to convince the others that he would protect Iolae, so she wouldn't be late for her meeting; asking Autolycus if they could just wait for Iolaus, giving that it was getting dark and he wouldn't want his friend to spend the night on a barn, if everyone was in the inn.

With some arguing, finally the demi-god won, and he and 'Iolae' walked out of the tavern.

* * *

"What was that?!" Hercules asked, barely containing his shock and anger while Iolaus tried to dry his hair. They had gotten a bucket of hot water in the local forge, and after ensuring that they were alone, poured it over the hunter, realizing with relief that their original theory was true. Cold water changed Iolaus into a woman's body, while hot water returned him to normal.

"What do you mean, Herc?" Iolaus didn't really realize how mad Hercules was at the moment, filled with the relief that his own male voice gave him. Although he had been cheerful all day, the blond man had been truly terrified that there was no cure for his situation. Now that Iolaus knew that he had some control over his changes, he felt like all his worries had been eased. "If it was the fight, you couldn't have expected me to wait until they had killed Joxer, could you?"

"Don't play with me, Iolaus. You know what I mean... What were you doing with Autolycus... and Gabrielle?"

Now Iolaus blinked, puzzled. He had realized that Hercules didn't liked his flirting with the thief, but he had assumed that it was because the demi-god had suffered Iolaus' earlier rants about being a man. After hearing Iolaus complains all morning, it was to be expected that his friend would be annoyed to see him act like a girl. "Look, I'm sorry... I just didn't want Autolycus to find out... and I still have my doubts about him."

"What?" Hercules anger seemed to dimish a little, but Iolaus couldn't be sure of that. Both had been under too much pressure lately

"Herc, look... He _is_ a master of escape, but he couldn't get out of Argo's dungeon? Even when Ares put a spell on us he managed to open a cage in seconds... And then we disappear, and he saves himself too easily. I'm sure he had something to do with us ending up in that damn pond!" Iolaus looked at the tavern, then to Hercules again. "And if we can find Circe... maybe she'll have a permanent cure, don't you think?"

This time it was Hercules turn to pause and smile, shaking his head. "I... Sorry, Iolaus. It's just that... well... for a moment I thought..."

"What? That _I_ was interested on Autolycus?!" Seeing his friend blush slightly, Iolaus couldn't resist teasing. "You don't need to get jealous, Hercules..."

"I was not jealous!" Again, the denial was too fast for Iolaus' taste, but he decided to let it go. Even when he thought that his best friend was handsome, and on occasions had entertained some fantasies about him, Iolaus also knew that it was not the time to go on testing their friendship and care for each other. Besides, for all that he knew, it could only be an effect of seeing his female body and he didn't like to consider _that_ prospect.

"I know, big guy. Look, wait here for a moment, so we don't go inside the Inn together. That way you can say you left Iolae with her friends and that she'll return with her parents tomorrow. They won't suspect a thing."

Reclutant, Hercules agreed and watched how his best friend ran into the tavern. He only hoped that everything would go out as Iolaus' had planned.

Because the possibility that there was no cure was very real. After all, if there _had_ been a cure, wouldn't the strange man they meet at the spring know about it? And if there wasn't a cure, that only meant that Iolaus would spend the rest of his life with that curse...

Groaning, Hercules looked up the sky. He wasn't one to pray, knowing far too well that his family rarely answered his requests. Even so, he wished that the Fates would allow them to find the cure.

In the Olympus, the Fates smiled, as Laquesis continued her weaving, carefully intertwining 7 strands. They took their job too seriously, but even so, the three women had a very special sense of humor.

Things were only bound to get more interesting.

The End
Iolaus Nibun no Ichi pt. 2
Things get worse... and worse... and worse...