Unhappiness

by Duncan

Feedback can be sent to him at Talaus8@aol.com (just put his name in the subject and he'll
get it.)

Unhappiness
by Duncan

**It is the need of the flesh and the soul that makes us all human. And the human animal needs to love and be loved. So, let me be human, let me love and be loved. I will embrace the love and the pain, for it is better to feel the pain that grips the heart than go through life with an empty heart.**

"What are you writing?"

The blond quickly hid the scroll behind his back and looked up at his companion. "Nothing, Herc."

The demigod nodded. "Riiiiight." He reached around Iolaus, trying to grab the scroll. "Let me see, Iolaus."

"No!" The blond jumped up, uncharacteristically out-of-sorts with the demigod. "It's private, Herc! Can't I, just for once, have something that's none of your business?"

Hercules blinked at Iolaus' snappishness. "Excuse me for being interested." Turning his back on his friend, Hercules sat down by the fire, poking it hard.

Iolaus read back over what he had written. *Damn. Why didn't I let him read it? Maybe he would have gotten the message...* Iolaus was tempted to crumple the scroll and throw it into the fire, but instead he tucked the quill behind his ear and thought for a moment.

**I am happy can't you see, in the darkness with my pain. I do not wish to be saved......I am at home here in the dark, wrap the wings of darkness round me tight...let the pain fill me too.....for here I am at home....and full......I am not alone.**

Iolaus pushed himself further back into the darkness, away from the light of the fire, away from Hercules. A dull ache filled his soul as he watched his beloved's form dancing in the flames, the hard set of his shoulders, knowing that his friend suffered also...because of him. But his own pain outweighed even that, and Iolaus hugged the scroll to him. *Why, Hercules? Why can't you love me?*

**Let me not see the light for it does hurt me so.....let me hide safe in the dark, apart.**

Iolaus pressed his hands to the sides of his head, trying to squeeze out all of these thoughts that had entered. He retreated further back into the darkness, holding tight to the scroll that held his thoughts, his feelings... he embraced the emptiness of those words, held them tightly to his breast. He, for the first time ever in their travels, slept apart from Hercules that night... alone, in the deep darkness not only of the cave, but of his own despair.

**I know the darkness for the warmth is what I hide in, it emptiness and pain is what I want to feel nothing...nothing but the pain.**

Iolaus rocked in his sleep, back and forth as in his dreams, Hercules, who had at first been welcoming, now turned from him in anger, and Iolaus cried and whimpered out. Even in his dreams now he could no longer find solace, no longer find pleasure... the depression, the pain of Hercules' rejection reached him even in his dreams. The scroll holding Iolaus' verses became more and more crumpled throughout the night, as he clung to it as though it held his soul.

**I am not the one to have the love.....it is not me, not meant to be so. I am not worthy of the light, for it is for the pure of heart.**

Iolaus woke the next morning...alone. The remnants of the fire smoked feebly as the gray monring dawned. Hercules' roll and pack were gone, the fire kicked out. Iolaus rose from the cold stone floor, stretching cold and sore muscles. *Well, you did it... he's gone, you're alone,* a small voice inside him told himself. Iolaus sighed, and shook his hair out. *I guess so,* he answered himself. *Now... what do I do with myself?* Iolaus had never felt so lost before. He wanted nothing more than to find Hercules, and say whatever it took to make things right between them, bring things back the way they used to be. *Forget it, blondie,* his inner voice said. *This whole
love thing isn't for you.*

**No I am not going to take that way, it is painful. I am alone in the dark.....alone with my pain....my heart is dead....no more shall it glow. My heart is empty as is this shell, it is best to let the dead......lie.**

It took Iolaus a week to find Hercules again, but when he did come to the same town, he immediately hid. But the demigod found him anyway.

"Iolaus."

"Hercules."

"So, how have you been?" Hercules was stiff, formal. Iolaus felt just as awkward.

"I've been okay. Doing a little hunting, a little fishing."

"That's good. Did you have good weather?"

"The best. Lots of sunshine, warm water..." Iolaus let his babbling trail off as he tried to think of something else to say.

"So you've been doing all right?" *Without me,* the demigod wanted to add.

"Fine," lied Iolaus. "I've been doing just fine."

Hercules gulped hard, nodding. "I'm glad to hear that. Iolaus, look... I'm sorry, I've got to run. I promised Malkar that I would help him move the boulders out of his field... maybe we can catch up later."

"Yeah, Herc...that would be great," Iolaus said, to the demigod's departing back.

**I am the way I am by choice.....it is alright, its just my way. Do not mourn my passing, no, it is too late.....its dead and buried......let it go.**

Hercules had hoped the mindlessness of the task of helping to clear the field would take his mind off his thoughts of Iolaus, but they only came in more, clearer, over and over again, filling his mind with that which he had tried to avoid.

Iolaus' face swam before his eyes, Iolaus' voice echoed in his ears as the breeze blew over him, Iolaus' touch seared his skin as the hot sun beat down on him. The gold of the sunlight seemed filtered through Iolaus' golden hair, and the blue sky seemed to have stolen the color of Iolaus' eyes.

"Hercules, watch out!" Malkar's voice woke the demigod from his trance in time to see the rock crash only yards away from the mortal. Malkar walked over to Hercules. "I don't know who you're thinking off, but you're mind isn't on your job!" Malkar put his hand on the demigod's shoulder. "Go back and talk to her. Get it worked out... then come back. My field can wait until next season."

Hercules put his hand on Malkar's, shaking it. "Thank you, my friend." He turned back to walk back to town, back to his friend... his Iolaus.

Iolaus sat in the door of the tavern, and he saw Hercules walking down the street towards him. He stood up and paid for his ales, and then walked out of the tavern. Hercules called out for him and the blonde stopped and let Hercules catch up to him. "Hi, Herc."

"Iolaus." There was so much more Hercules wanted to say, but Iolaus stopped him.

"Herc, don't.... I don't want you to say anything, yet... just walk with me for a little while... walk beside me like we used to."

**For in my pain I was alone, and then you came and took me home. I had to run right through the flames, and did burn my soul, but I found you and I am free, I am not alone, its you and me.**

Hercules fell into step beside Iolaus, his shadow falling to the side of the hunter as it had used to. Iolaus felt a tightening in his chest, a welcoming feeling inside of him as well, feeling Hercules back with him, as it is supposed to be. "Herc."

"Yeah?"

"I don't know... I don't know what happened to me... to us." He took a deep breath. "I hate the way it is between us... I like it, in a way, but I hate it more than I like it. Please help me, Herc... help me to change it, help me to get you back... I can't lose you, not now, not when I know I need you."

**And we are together again. My heart cries out, and you can not hear me. I will keep my heart silent, to keep you. For a life without is not worth living. I will wrap my pain up inside me, keep it hidden. I do love you with all my heart, and it is that love that almost tore us apart. No longer shall I long for you, but be happy being with you.**

Hercules looked in surprise at Iolaus. "You? Need me?"

"Yes, Herc, I need you." *I want you!*

"You said you were doing fine without me."

"I lied."

Hercules' throat tightened. *He needs me... he lied when he said he was doing fine without me...* "Iolaus..."

"Hercules, please... tell me what I have to say to you to make things the way it was between us, say to bring us back where we were."

"I love you," Hercules whispered.

Iolaus stared at him, and then wordlessly reached into his pack and handed Hercules the scroll he'd written his thoughts and poetry on. Hercules opened the scroll and read it, and then his eyes found Iolaus' shining ones. "You though that I didn't love you? That's why you left, you thought that I didn't love you?"

"Yes," Iolaus choked out, his tears spilling down his cheeks as Hercules reached for him. "I love you, Herc, I couldn't bear the thought that you didn't love me in return."

**Can you see me Herc? I am here. Just take me in your arms and love me. I love you so, I cry tears of joy. At last you are mine, my heart is free. I love you Hercules.**

Hercules reached for Iolaus, and felt the blond melt into his arms as he pulled him close. He held Iolaus tightly, crushing the fragile hunter in his arms, but Iolaus didn't utter a word. Hercules' hand slipped up Iolaus' body, up his back and then down his throat to cup his face, and it tilted his lips. Iolaus slightly parted his lips, and Hercules kissed him, there in the middle of the road. Iolaus' arms wrapped tightly around Hercules, and the demigod picked him up, carrying him off to the side, behind the screen of trees. He cradled the hunter in his arms, his tongue sliding over Iolaus' sweet one, tangling together as they kissed.

Iolaus' hand slipped inside Hercules' shirt, caressing a broad shoulder and hard nipple with strong fingers. The demigod moaned, and knelt down, laying his love on the soft grass of the forest.

Dappled sunlight broke through the trees, turning Iolaus' hair into golden fire, and Hercules smiled down at him. "You are so beautiful."

Iolaus blushed, the pink tint spreading over his neck and chest. "So are you, Herc... so are you." His hands reached up, and his fingers ran over Hercules' face, lips, and eyes. He ran his fingers through Hercules' hair, pulling the brown strands free and loose, hanging over the demigod's face, then brushed them out of the way.

Hercules let Iolaus touch him, loved the feel of the hunter's silky hands as they glided over his skin. He pressed himself closer to the blond, and his own fingertips skimmed over Iolaus' body as he undressed the smaller man. He flung Iolaus' vest aside, and the hunter dropped his arms and let Hercules reveal his body. The demigod unlaced the calves of Iolaus' pants, threw aside the boots and slid the hot leather off Iolaus' hips and legs. The codpiece came with the pants, and Hercules knelt over his lover's naked body. "Yes..you are more beautiful than I ever dreamed."

Iolaus sat up under Hercules, pushed the demigod back. "Let me see you now," he begged, and the half-god smiled. Iolaus' hands frantically tore at the yellow wool shirt, ripping it in his haste, and it sailed off to the side to land in the pile with the rest of the discarded clothing. The thin undershirt was next, and Iolaus inhaled deeply as the musky scent of the demigod's body flowed over him. He tore the lacings of Hercules' pants, and yanked the waffled leather off, revealing his lover's strong legs, hard thighs and calves. He ran his hands over Hercules' body, and the demigod
rumbled deep in his throat as the blond's hands skimmed over his groin.

Hercules grabbed Iolaus by the shoulders, and rolled him over, once more kneeling over his body. He slid down, kissing Iolaus' chest, his throat, his jaw as Iolaus writhed and giggled under him. The demigod's hands raked over Iolaus' ribs, and the hunter arched his body, pressing his slick skin against his tormentor's. Iolaus put his hands and feet flat on the ground, keeping himself arched against Hercules, rubbing up and down. "Please, Herc... please, no more playing... I want you, I need you... please, Herc, please," begged the blond.

Hercules slipped his hand under Iolaus' head, and lifted it into his kiss. His tongue slipped inside Iolaus' mouth and stroked inside, over his teeth and cheeks. One hand slipped down, grasped Iolaus' cock, and began to stroke it gently. "Ohgods, Herc..." Iolaus couldn't speak, only thrust his hips up into the demigod's caressing hand. "faster, please, harder."

Hercules heard, and answered. His hand kept stroking Iolaus harder and faster, and his mouth moved down to suckle one hard nipple in his mouth, his tongue rubbing and thrusting against the puckered flesh. Iolaus cried out, his hands fisted in the earth beside him as Hercules stroked him.

Hercules kissed his way down Iolaus' body, down his chest, over his stomach, down to where his hand gripped Iolaus tightly. He bent his head, and lay a gentle kiss on the head as he took his hands off it. Iolaus bucked his hips and Hercules opened his mouth, letting Iolaus' cock bury itself in his mouth. He sucked hard, and the hunter screamed out, Hercules' name echoing in the trees as he came, and the demigod let the hot semen pool in his mouth.

Iolaus lay trembling, and Hercules knelt between his legs, spreading his thighs. He spat the cum into his hand, rubbing it over his fingers, slicking his own throbbing erection. Hercules swallowed what remained, loving the taste of his lover in his mouth as he looked down at him. "Iolaus... this may hurt. I don't want..."

"Hercules... it's okay... I know what to expect." Iolaus lifted his hips again. "I trust you, Herc... I love you."

Hercules carefully spread Iolaus' thighs, his fingers finding the small opening and one pressed inside. Iolaus hissed, and his muscles tightened around Hercules' digit, and the demigod throbbed. "so tight, so hot," Hercules whispered. "but so soft, like silk."

Hercules' voice whispering those words were intensely erotic to Iolaus, arousing him more. He whimpered as he pushed himself down on Hercules' finger, and the demigod responded with a deep thrust inside him. Slowly he stroked Iolaus with his finger, adding a second, stretching the tightness that would welcome him.

His other hand steadied his cock, and the thick head pressed against the puckered opening as Iolaus whispered his name. "herc... please... i want to be a part of you forever."

"you are," Hercules whispered back, as he slowly slid his erection inside Iolaus' tightness. He felt Iolaus' muscles immediately contracting, squeezing and throbbing around him, and he willed himself not to pound Iolaus. Instead, he stilled inside him, letting the muscles accustom themselves, and then he slowly began to move, shallow strokes at first, but then as Iolaus moved under him, whispered encouragements to him, Hercules began to thrust harder, thrust faster.

Iolaus' body rocked with Hercules, his supple legs wrapped around the demigod's waist as he pushed down against the steadily thrusting cock. His own cock was trapped between his and Hercules' body, rubbing against the demigod's stomach with each stroke. He rubbed himself hard against the demigod's body, the hair causing delicious friction that caused Iolaus to moan louder against Hercules' shoulder.

Hercules' hands pressed down on Iolaus' shoulders, riding him hard, pushing him down. Iolaus wiggled, and Hercules' head brushed against his gland. Immediately, the surge of pleasure caused Iolaus' muscles to tighten, and Hercules angled himself, each thrust now hammering that sensitive spot as he grunted. Iolaus was crying out, whimpering and moaning as Hercules made love to him, and each twitch of his muscles brought a harder thrust from Hercules.

Iolaus' body stiffened, his muscles locking around Hercules' cock, throbbing and milking the hard shaft. His own cock shuddered, the rough hair rubbing against his cock bringing him to a screaming orgasm.

Hercules grunted, and then moaned Iolaus' name as he hissed, pumping his hips and filling Iolaus with his seed. The blond clamped his muscles tight, holding Hercules inside him as long as he could. "A part of you forever, Herc..."

"A part of me, Iolaus."

**So now we are friends and now we love. I am free to smile at you. Hold me close as I draw near. My heart is yours.**

END