Title: I’ll Be

Author: Kate

abelard950@aol.com

Summary: Jenny reflects while Darius sleeps on the role reversal from the last time one of them needed help

Rating: PG-13 for swearing

Disclaimer: Don’t own anything used herein. Darius and all copyrighted characters from Highlander belong to Davis/Panzer productions, Jenny MacLeod belongs to Mac Xavier and is used with permission. Lyrics belong to Reba McEntire.


I’ll Be
by Kate

Jenny sat watching over Darius as he lay in a fevered delirium. All she could think while she watched him was ‘How could we have missed this’

The person they saw the most and claimed to know the best of their group and not one of them saw this happening. It was apparent now that Darius couldn’t use his damn robe that he’d been starved and beaten on a regular basis. Jenny hated that he’d thought he had to hide this form them. That he thought that they wouldn’t care about his problems. Not when he’d always cared about her problems and the problems of all the rest of the clan. He’d even come to America to help her when she was having a rough time.

“When darkness falls upon your heart and soul,
I’ll be the light that shines for you.
When you forget how beautiful you are,
I’ll be there to remind you.
When you can’t find your way,
I’ll find my way to you.
When trouble comes around,
I will come to you”

Jenny remembered how Darius had been there through all her troubles in Seacouver. Before she trusted Duncan, she had trusted Darius. When
Jenny felt like she was drowning in darkness, Darius had come and been light for her. He’d been someone for her to latch on to. Someone who would always lead her back into the light. When Jenny only saw herself as ugly from the scars on her body, Darius had always been there to remind her that beauty came from within. And he’d told her that she was very beautiful to him. And everyone knew Darius did not lie. So she believed him. When Jenny got lost in the world, Darius would always find her. Every time she thought about leaving and losing herself in the world, Darius’ gentle voice reminded her of all who would miss her. Himself being the least, Tessa, and Richie and Duncan and now Adam and especially Joe would miss her. So in a way, even when he used the phone, Darius always found a way to her when she couldn’t find her way herself. When trouble came around, when Felicia martins came back, Darius came to her. He came and he fought the woman for her and he won. As if his family mattered more to him than any vow he’d made at any time in his life.

“I’ll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on,
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through,
I’ll be there to carry you.
I’ll be there.
I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you,
The one that will hold on for you.
When you find that rain pouring down.
When there’s nobody else around,
I’ll be.”

Jenny let her memories play back. The memories of Darius since she’d met him. Always being the strong one for anyone that needed him to be.The rock that everyone leaned on, the shoulder everyone cried on. In the joining, if you needed calm and strength to get through a trial, you reached for Darius and he always gave it. When someone needed shelter, they went to Darius and he gave it. All the while never once asking for anything in return.

Darius just gathered them all under the cloak of his love and held on for all of his family when they couldn’t do for themselves. Now all the immortals in Joining were being forced to wonder just whom it was who held on for Darius?

Jenny decided firmly as Darius’ fever finally broke that she would hold on for him from now on.

“And when you’re there with no one there to hold,
I’ll be the arms that reach for you.
And when you feel your faith is running low,
I’ll be there to believe in you.
When all you find are lies,
I’ll be the truth you need.
When you need some one to run to,
You can run to me.”

Jenny watched Darius over the next few days as his strength returned in body. She felt her heartbreak when the first thing he asked for was a hug. He asked, but his eyes clearly said he didn’t think he’d get it. And even thought his body had healed, his soul was shredded and his belief and faith in himself was almost totally gone. So Jenny believed in him for him in him. Helping him find his faith in himself again. Darius seemed to see lies in almost everything around him. Jenny helped him find the truth in himself that he needed. And he was so confused about himself and where he belonged now.

And he’d finally admitted that he had been tired where he was. Jenny was ecstatic the day Darius admitted he needed help. He was hurting so badly still but it wasn’t physical hurt. He was running but had no one to run to. He’d tried to escape the pain in his life before but had thought he had no one to go to. Now, Jenny happily informed him, he had her.

“I’ll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean,
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through,
I’ll be there to carry you.
I’ll be there.
I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you,
The one that will hold on for you.
When you feel that rain falling down,
And when there’s nobody else around,
I’ll Be.”

Jenny sat with Darius through nightmares and flashbacks, letting him lean on her shoulder for once. He told her in his worst moments while still fighting he fever that he was glad she was there. That just being with him, being ‘There’ was a huge help. Although she didn’t always believe him.

Especially when he flinched from everyone’s touch. Jenny helped him through all the troubles that he would allow. His nightmares he tried so hard to keep to himself, knowing they were too reminiscent to her childhood. Beatings for no reason, starvation, pain, loneliness, he didn’t want to give her those burdens to carry. So, she simply took them from him. Jenny was determined to be the strong one for once. Darius had carried everyone else when they needed it, now Jenny was determined to carry him and be his rock, his shelter from the rain that life often poured down even on the undeserving. And she was determined to be there for him, even when no one else was around.

“I’ll be the sun,
When your heart’s filled with rain.
I’ll be the one,
To chase the rain away.”

Watching Darius hide the sadness he felt from everyone did break her heart. As if even after all the care they’d given him, he thought he was still alone, still in the rain. Jenny began a campaign, to bring Darius into the sunlight, even if she had to be his sunlight. Jenny was determined to be there for him. To be the one who chased the rain away from him.

“I’ll be your shoulder, when you need someone to lean on,
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through,
I’ll be there to carry you.
I’ll be there.
I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you,
The one that will hold on for you,
When you feel that rain pouring down.
And when there’s nobody else around,
I’ll be”

Sitting again with him through yet another nightmare. But this time, at the end of it, he doesn’t pull away. He lets her comfort him. And Jenny couldn’t be happier about it. A baby step on the road to him realizing he’s loved by someone, but still, the first step is always the biggest and hardest to take. Finally, she thinks as he lies peacefully for the first time in almost a month, ‘He trusts us.’ Aloud she only says a few words to him:

“Never think you’re alone Padre. Because I’ll always be here for you. I’ll always be here.”

“I’ll Be.”



end