Saving Darius

By: Kate R

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters from Highlander. They belong to Davis/Panzer
productions. Jenny MacLeod belongs to Mac Xavier and is used with permission. This story was written for the fun and enjoyment of readers. I made no money from this story. Please don't sue me.

Note: This was my First Fic. it's very Old

Saving Darius
By Kate R.

Darius sat on the couch watching the party that Jenny and Richie were having for their Nineteenth birthday. He did not quite understand why it was so important that a birthday had to be special for the celebrants but he tried to contribute to it being special for them. Darius watched them open their gifts and a small part of him, one he kept hidden, wondered what it felt like to open a gift. Any kind of gift because he did not receive any on Christmas either, he wasn’t allowed.

Darius knew he dared not let anyone know about that curiosity and so he watched hoping he could figure it out by observation. Darius was hoping maybe he would understand if he watched long enough because he knew if he asked they would laugh at him for asking such a dumb question.

The music being played at the party was loud so they had to talk loudly to hear each other. Jenny yelled at him across the room and he cringed at the shout. He prayed no one would notice it. It was a prayer that went unanswered as Jenny came over to him.

"You alright, Padre?" Jenny asked walking over to him.

Darius nodded and spoke before he thought, "It’s a little loud for me Jenny," he said.

"We can turn it down if it’s too loud for you," Jenny told him.

Duncan looked at him coolly and spoke rather sarcastically. "I though it was louder than this at the monastery during song," he said.

Darius winced knowing he had annoyed Duncan again and prayed Duncan wouldn’t punish him anymore than he already had.

"The noise level is fine, Jenny," Darius told her softly. "Duncan is right. I have had to deal with louder."

He prayed that would appease them because he hadn’t meant to displease any of them. Displeasing them could result in him being alone at Christmas.

"You sure, Padre?" Jenny asked. Darius knew he was in danger of letting them see what he was feeling so he just nodded and lowered his head. "Padre? Come on what’s wrong?" Jenny asked worriedly.

Darius swallowed knowing he was doing this wrong. He was making her worry more. He was afraid to look at her because he knew if she saw his eyes she would know he wanted something and he didn’t dare let anyone know about his secret wish. His abbot would kill him and his friends would all just laugh probably.

"It’s nothing, Jenny," he began praying for help from somewhere. Surprisingly it was Duncan who saved him although Darius knew it was to get him to leave before they all had to go to bed so they could get an early start on their trip tomorrow.

"He’s just tired, aren’t you my old friend?"

"Yes," Darius whispered defeated, knowing Duncan had had all he could stand of his presence today. "I guess I should head back to the rectory."

"Wait a sec, Padre," Jenny called. "We have to open the rest of our gifts. Sit down for a few more minutes. Please?"

Darius sighed and nodded knowing he would lose more than Duncan’s good graces if he left. Duncan watched him like a hawk and he did stay until they opened all their gifts. His they opened last and for some reason it just made him feel even more worthless because he’d never heard the saying "save the best for last".

When the last gift was opened, he stood to leave. He was already late getting back. Darius knew his abbot would be waiting for him and he feared the penalty for this trespass.

"Padre?" Jenny called when he reached the door. He turned back slowly. "Thank you for coming," she finished.

He nodded. He’d hoped for a hug but knew that would be pushing his luck. Darius again turned to leave when Jenny walked over to him. She hugged him gently. Darius returned the embrace but then turned to go.

/Aren’t you coming on the trip with us?/ She asked through the joining.

/What trip?/ was the only reply he could give before he walked into the night dejectedly and with a slump in his shoulders. Jenny caught one other though before he slammed his mental barriers in place. //What would it be like to have a birthday and have someone care enough to--// The thought ended there like he forced it down. But Jenny had heard enough to guess at why he had been watching her and Richie so intently that night.

//That’s all you want to know, Padre? I’m sorry, I never knew you didn’t have a birthday.// His response to her question about the trip though caused her to turn on her father.

/You didn’t even ask him to come on the trip did you? How could you do that to your best friend dad?/ She sent in a private way to Duncan MacLeod. /You hurt him, dad. And that comment about the music? I wouldn’t have minded turning it down but oh no, you had to make him feel like he’d be in trouble if we did that for him. What is your problem? You’ve been cold to him all night!/

/I didn’t think he would want to come on the trip, Jenny. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt him that badly./

/Like hell! He’s been afraid of making you mad since he got here! Why? Did you tell him he’d have to leave if he did?/

/No, I made sure he’d come for you and Richie. He said he might not be able to so I made sure he would./

/Tell me you didn’t tell him to come or else?/

/So what if I did?/ Duncan asked.

/You callous unfeeling jerk!! He is your Best friend! Have you asked him why he couldn’t come or did you just threaten him? You know dad, I’m really, really considering popping you one in the jaw right now so just-just leave me alone for a while./

Jenny slammed the door on her way out. Adam Pierson, her boyfriend better known as Methos, followed her.

Richie, her twin brother looked at MacLeod, he’d caught the end of the conversation. /I don’t believe you did that to him dad. He didn’t do anything to deserve it!/

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Darius walked quickly through the park on the way back to the rectory after purging what he’d eaten that night. He was trying not to cry as he walked. He didn’t know what he’d done wrong but he figured it was major. Darius knew it was his fault like the trouble he’d be in with his abbot was his fault because he didn’t do something right. He just wished Duncan would tell him what it was so he could fix it.

The trip, he would like to have been invited but he knew it was his punishment for whatever he’d done wrong. Like the other trips Duncan had "forgotten" to tell him about. The worst part of this was he would have said yes if he’d been asked. Maybe he’d get lucky and Duncan would be in a better mood when they got back from wherever they were going. Darius knew it would be a fun place; Duncan always took his family to fun places. Places he was forbidden to go to by his abbot. Funny but he thought he had heard Jenny call him in the park. He shrugged it off as wishful thinking though and had kept going after he purged the contents of his stomach meager though it was. He had been fasting for nearly a month and a half and he knew he wasn’t supposed to eat what he had tonight but Jenny had given it to him. Darius walked into his rectory to face his abbot who as predicted was waiting by his desk.

"Where have you been Darius?" His abbot asked. "I told you no later than 9:30. It’s 10:30 now."

Darius swallowed and stood before him. "I’m sorry, your eminence, I was detained longer than I thought I would..." He never finished the sentence as his abbot struck him across the face. Darius stood and allowed the discipline. He knew he had brought it on himself but he couldn’t have walked out on his family even if he wanted to. He was the grandfather/counselor. He was supposed to always be there when he was wanted and gone when he wasn’t.

Darius felt a blow to his already sore stomach and he folded down to his knees. On the way down, his head hit the edge of his desk and darkness closed in on him. It hurt so much. All of it he knew. Duncan was probably right to be angry with him, after-all, he’d been a big disappointment this year.

Darius heard the abbot leave and he rested his head against the floor. He was too weak to get up from the floor. Part of him felt like crying but the other part, the one he made sure was always out when he dealt with his family wouldn’t allow it. He wasn’t supposed to need anything or want anything. Not now and not ever. Birthdays shouldn’t have mattered to him but the more of them he watched, the worse he felt. Darius wondered what it would be like to have a birthday let alone a party. Immortals like Methos made themselves new ones but he didn’t. He couldn’t, it wasn’t allowed.

Darius felt himself drifting into darkness and for once in his near 2,000 year existence, let exhaustion and pain claim him. He was so tired after all.

Two hours later, he managed to get in to bed but his body felt every bruise he’d received lately.

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Jenny MacLeod stormed up the gangplank to the barge in a rage. Duncan MacLeod was going to get it for this. Jenny had followed Darius home to be sure he got there safely and had watched in mute horror as he’d stopped by a trash can in the park and rammed two fingers own his throat bringing up everything he’d eaten that night. His hand had been shaking and he’d looked miserable but he also seemed resigned to it. Too resigned in Jenny’s book. He acted like it was nothing new for him to hurl his guts up after eating a full meal. Jenny also felt when he did that, an emotion of regret and sorrow for whatever he’d done wrong. It was Duncan he was sorry to and that fueled Jenny’s anger. Jenny made sure he got home safely but decided that Duncan could go on the trip alone tomorrow. Jenny wasn’t leaving Darius alone, not when he so obviously tried to ask them not to. Jenny entered the barge and walked over to where Duncan was standing by the fridge. She hauled off and hit him across the face.

Everyone present heard the sound of bones breaking.

"How does it feel?" She asked coldly. Duncan stared at her in shock and Tessa reached forward to try and stop her but Jenny shook her head vehemently. "Let me explain why I did that, maman," Jenny said.

Tessa nodded and Jenny walked to where Joe, Methos, and Richie were sitting.

"Do you have any idea how miserable you made Darius feel tonight, dad? What your callous attitude caused? You basically slapped him in the face and told him he didn’t have any worth. I watched him purge his stomach dad. He made himself vomit in a trashcan in the park. And he was shaking when he did it. The only things I could feel from him while he made himself sick were regret, sadness and longing. What did he do that was so bad that you treated him that badly tonight?" Jenny was shaking badly as she finished and Methos sensed it and came to stand behind her.

"He didn’t know about the trip either. Even though Maman made him a special invitation. He didn’t know because you didn’t give it to him, did you? How many other trips have you forgotten to invite him on?" Jenny practically shouted her last question and Tessa looked at Duncan coolly now as well.

"You made him feel that badly because of something he did or didn’t do that was very likely trivial Duncan? What could have been so bad?"

"Tessa, I..."

"Not a word, Duncan," Jenny said coldly. "There is no excuse for what you did. You can go on that trip without me by the way dad, because I’m not leaving him alone like he is right now. He just wanted to understand what made birthdays special. Did you know he doesn’t have one?"

Jenny turned to walk out again and this time, Joe, Richie and Methos followed her. Methos took her hand and led her to his car. Effectively telling the others she would be staying with him that night. Richie went with Joe and Tessa just stared at Duncan coldly.

"If I didn’t love you so much Duncan," she said. "I may have gone with Joseph. You owe Darius an apology for the way you’ve treated him lately no question. For now, we will go to bed and wait until the children have cooled down before we try talking to them. They are both far to angry right now to listen. And besides, Jenny was right. We aren’t going on that trip unless Darius comes with us."

Duncan nodded and they went to bed. He could feel Tessa radiating anger at him and he knew this wasn’t over.

Duncan woke up the next morning to an empty barge. He found a note from Tessa that said she’d gone to Joe’s last night. She was too angry to think clearly and she was afraid of emasculating him as he slept. Duncan sat down and began to re-think he’s attitude towards Darius after reading that.

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Jenny came in to Darius' rectory early the next morning. Usually the old immortal was awake already but today Jenny found him still asleep in bed. He was curled up on his side in a very uncomfortable looking position and for some reason; Jenny's internal trouble alarm went off. Darius seemed to be trying even in his sleep to avoid putting weight on his back or stomach.

Jenny shook him gently and he started awake. His eyes focused on her after a minute and he smiled. Jenny could see bruises on his face though. Almost healed but there.

"What happened, Padre?" She asked him concerned.

Darius looked over at his small window and sighed. "I fell down the steps to the basement of the church," he said.

Jenny stared at him, disbelievingly, but knew she couldn't force him to tell her. Darius was suffering something terrible but he wouldn't say what and he wouldn't ask for help. Jenny suspected some form of abuse strongly but he wouldn't let her or anyone else in.

"You want to come to the mall with me, Padre?" Jenny asked. Darius looked up at the crucifix on his wall and then out the window longingly. He appeared to be trying to decide. Finally, he shook his head No. Jenny had a feeling he wanted to say yes but for some reason didn't dare.

Jenny nodded all right and turned to go. Darius watched her sadly wanting to call her back but knowing that wasn't his right. Jenny turned before she left and noticed the sadness in his eyes and the look. She couldn’t help him though, until she knew what was wrong.

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Jenny left the church after waking Darius up. Something was very wrong with Darius and she knew it. The bruises were a silent testimony to that. No way could he have gotten those falling down the steps to his basement. Not the hand shaped ones anyway. Jenny was half way down the street leading to the barge when she remembered the tea Tessa asked her to get. She walked back towards the church and suddenly felt a bolt of agony. Jenny knew instinctively it was Darius.

//Blast it all to hell!// She fumed in her mind. //I never should have left him alone.//

Jenny went running back to the church when a dream from last night came back in to her mind. In it Jenny remembered seeing Darius lying on the floor by his desk. When she’d arrived this morning, though, he’d been in bed and that made her think the dream was just a dream. As Jenny headed for his private rooms, she heard what sounded suspiciously like a whip hitting flesh and a muffled cry of pain followed by a slap.

"I said silence, Darius," a voice said in French. The voice was followed by another whip crack and this time Darius cried out in pain. Which was immediately followed by another slap. Jenny went into the rooms and froze for a second. What she saw was that shocking and sickening. Darius was kneeling on the floor, his back bare and behind him stood a man Jenny recognized as his abbot with a whip and the bastard was using it on Darius.

"How much did you eat last night Darius? You made yourself sick so I’m going to assume you broke your fast. How much?!"

"I-I don’t know. Kept giving me more. Please I didn’t ask for it," Darius said softly.

The abbot slapped him again. "Answer the question truthfully Darius," he snarled as he brought the whip down again.

Jenny reacted without thought. She vamped out and flew over to them. She caught the abbot’s wrist and snapped it in her hand. After that, she threw him to the ground hard. "Keep your hands off of him you sonuvabitch," she snarled.

"Jenny, NO!" Darius cried out. "I brought this on myself, little one. Let it go. Please let it go."

"Like hell you did, Padre!" Jenny told him vehemently. "No one deserves to have their back whipped raw!"

"I broke a rule, Jenny. I have to pay the price for it," Darius responded softly. "I knew what would happen, Jenny, and this is my fault. I know I brought this on myself. It’s what I deserve."

"You deserve to be sainted. Damn it, Darius, you’ve saved my sanity and my soul more times than I can count. Don’t you understand? Methos is my heart, Richie is my mind, but you? You’re my light, my soul."

"But I failed, Jenny. I failed your father and I failed you. All I’ve done this week or even this year is to annoy him and fail in my duties as councilor."

"You didn’t fail," Jenny soothed.

Darius shook his head miserably. "Yes I did, Jenny." He told her sadly. "I failed him. All I’ve done lately is to fail him. And you. And the others. I failed in the clan. Broke your father’s rules for acceptance. I just wanted to understand."

"Understand what, padre?" Jenny asked him sympathetically.

Darius shook his head wearily. "I wanted to understand what it was to belong. To be special and to have worth. I did not know it would anger Duncan so, but I *tried*."

"You tried to watch and understand that way," Jenny guessed. Darius nodded and sighed sadly.

"This is what I deserve, Jenny. It’s all I deserve," Darius said to her. "I have to finish my penance. I wanted to go, Jenny. But I can’t."

"No, it’s not, Darius. One last time, Padre. You do not deserve this so called penance. You don’t deserve to have your back whipped raw."

Darius cringed hearing the abbot get up and Jenny instinctively shielded him. He was weak and it was beginning to show. Darius was almost out on his feet here and Jenny knew it. She felt his stomach growl, and then he gasped as his stomach twisted in him. He whimpered finally admitting the pain he felt. All he had ever wanted was a chance to understand. Even now as he understood that he couldn’t have it. He just wanted to understand the concepts.

Darius felt Jenny lift him to his feet as she walked him to his bed. She lowered his upper body to the bed after getting his legs up on the bed. She heard the abbot leave and began to pack his thing in whatever she could find to put them in. Darius looked out the window sadly.

"My fault. Always my fault," he said softly. He didn’t realize he’d spoken aloud until Jenny touched his face.

"This isn’t your fault, Darius. Anymore than it was mine and Richie’s fifteen years ago."

Darius sighed and looked up at her. "I wish I could believe that," he whispered sadly.

"You will someday, Padre," Jenny said. "Just rest now. Okay? It’s over and you’re safe now."

Darius nodded and leaned back against the pillows. Jenny went about packing his things as he watched her with dazed interest. "Why are you packing my things Jenny? I’ve endured worse than this in my ecclesiastical career." Darius told her fuzzily.

"Well, you’re about to trade careers Padre so I’m getting you ready to move."

"Jennifer..." He began to protest.

"Nuh-uh, Padre," Jenny cut him off. "We aren’t discussing this until your better and out of here. Mostly out of here. Most certainly out of here."

"Doubt I could stop you anyway, Jenny. I’m just so tired all of a sudden." Darius said softly.

"I doubt it’s sudden, Padre," Jenny responded. "I bet you’ve been going on empty for awhile now. Too long if what I think has any merit with you."

"Always take your word, Jenny..." Darius said beginning to drift off.

"None of that, Padre. Stay with me here," Jenny said gently. "Come on, Darius, stay awake. Darius? You’re scaring me here. Please Padre? Let Methos give you look over and let us get some food in you. Then you can rest. Please, Darius? Wake up?"

"Still here, Jenny. Just so tired..." He whispered weakly. Jenny shook him again.

"Please, Darius?" She said almost tearfully. "Stay awake a little while longer?" /METHOS, RICHIE, AMANDA, HELP!! / Jenny cried out through the Joining. /Darius is sick. Get here NOW!!/

/I’m almost there, Jenny. Just a few more blocks to go. Keep him awake a little while longer. / Amanda sent back.

"Did you hear that, Darius? Amanda is on her way. Please stay awake? Talk to me."

"Did you like your presents? Tried to get it right. Hoped I did for once this year," Darius said softly.

"What do you mean? I always like what you get me," Jenny told him gently.

"Not what... told me," Darius replied weaker.

"Not what who told you? It was Duncan wasn’t it?" Jenny asked.

"Don’t want you to be angry with him, Jenny. It’s his way."

"I’m long past angry with him, Padre. And he needs.."

"He’s your father, Jenny. I’m just a man who listens to everyone’s problems. I don’t have a real place in your family beyond that," Darius said in a broken voice.

"I love the man, Darius," Jenny began. "But I think he needs a good strong kick in the head sometimes."

"Took you off the streets Jenny. Gave you a home. More than I’ve ever done. So much more..."

"Okay, so he’s my dad. But that doesn’t mean we don’t disagree and aren’t worlds apart in some things."

"You are very special, Jenny. Putting up with my oddball teas and stuff."

"I like your teas. I wanted to thank you for the selection you gave me. Want me to brew some?"

"Please?" Darius asked drifting again.

"Stay awake, Darius. Come on, I’ll make some tea. Just don't go to sleep on me. Please?"

"Special brew. Don't leave it please? My special, all nighter brews. Didn't realize Duncan would punish me for it. Thought he might like that one. Really did. Made it for you, for your classes at Mid-terms and finals."

"I wont leave it, Darius. Here, drink it slowly. Easy... Darius!"

Darius’ stomach contracted painfully and he couldn't help the cry of pain or the grip that shattered the teacup. "Please," he whimpered. "It hurts, oh gods it hurts. Make it stop please?"

"Shhh," Jenny whispered, "It’s all right. I'll make it stop Padre. Easy now," Jenny watched in fear as he turned on his side and let a few tears fall. She knew he had to be in a lot of pain to cry openly. Even a little.

"It’s alright, Padre. Everything will be alright soon." Jenny soothed him as she gathered him into her arms. As she let his head rest on her shoulder she saw a violin and fiddle set in the open closet. She nudged him gently until he looked up.

"Do you play, Padre?" She asked pointing to them. Darius nodded tiredly.

"Not in a longtime," he said softly. "Used to play for some old monks who died. They were Irish and I would play reels and Jigs for them. Used to sing too. Old songs that thy liked and a few new ones."

"Will you sing and play for me later?" Jenny asked him.

"One day, Jenny. When I have time to fix them and clean them. One day..." he said as he finally lost the battle to stay awake. Jenny rocked him gently until Amanda came in.

"Damn rush hour traffic," she began. And then froze seeing the condition Darius was in.

She went into the linen closet and pulled the thick blanket Tessa had gotten for Darius when he'd come to the States to help when Jenny and Richie were having problems. Tessa had found Darius shivering one night but he had said he would survive. That he didn't want to take anything that would deprive the children of their warmth. Tessa had gone out the next day and gotten the blanket just for him.

She and Jenny wrapped him in the blanket and got him in to Amanda's car. They drove to Methos’ flat where Tessa, Joe and Richie were waiting for them.

The five of them took changed him into sweat pants and then put him to bed. Jenny then called Duncan. He needed to see what he'd done. They alerted Cassandra through the Joining and she said she would contact Grayson for them.

Darius was in very bad shape by the time Methos finished his exam. The ancient priest was suffering from starvation, neglect, abuse, and in general emotionally, a broken heart. It was as if Darius had given upon everything he ever wanted. Including life. He looked so frail in the bed. Not at all the strong man they were all accustomed to seeing.

When Duncan arrived, Jenny silently led him to the room Darius was in and made him look at what he'd, in part, done. There was no denying the pain Darius had suffered, physically and emotionally. His thin, starved body was all the evidence that they needed of the hell he'd been living in for the last several months if not years. Tessa was in the kitchen making some beef broth for Darius. It would be the job of whoever was sitting with him to be sure it was given to him every three hours.

After Duncan was confronted with what his cruelty had wrought in his best friend, Jenny took him into the living room to give him a serious dressing down. Methos stayed by Darius’ side. Softly crooning in a long forgotten language hoping to keep any nightmares away from the priest.

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Methos stared down at the man asleep in the bed he'd shared with Jenny less than three hours before. He was sickened by the condition of this man. A man many immortals went to for help when they needed it. Darius looked so fragile lying on the bed. He looked worse than some concentration camp survivors Methos had tended to after the Second World War.

Methos was still in shock about what Jenny had said when she brought him to her. How could they have missed this? Methos knew full well hat evil could wear any form including an abbot. And Darius had always been closemouthed about his life but lately, it had been more. Darius had been silent on virtually everything and in some cases Methos could see now looking back, he had had questions about what they were doing that he was afraid to ask. This morning, after they got Darius settled into bed, Jenny had told Methos what Darius was trying to figure out last night.

It dawned on Methos that Vow of poverty or not, Darius was probably as curious as the next person about Christmas gifts and Birthdays, Darius was a human being after all and he must have dreamed of something. Methos suspected that his dreams had a lot to do with the pain he was suffering. Maybe his dreams were the opposite of his life. It certainly looked as if that was necessary for Darius to have remained sane. Methos looked up as the shouting match in the living room died down. Jenny was almost done yelling at Duncan. Methos had rarely seen her that angry with anyone, let alone with her father.

"How could you ignore it, Dad?!" Jenny shouted at last. Methos could hear quite clearly. The anger in her voice. "You are his best friend and yet when he needed you decided to get cold and angry to him. Gods, you are such a bastard sometimes. And a self centered one at that!"

Methos smiled Duncan needed this as muchs anyone did who ignored their best friend's pain. Darius must have spent many lonely days crying because of Duncan's callousness. Methos had been out of the country for a while but... //My Gods,// he thought to himself. //I was an idiot for not seeing how thin Darius had gotten since I last saw him.//

Methos knew that Jenny was also angry with Duncan for making Darius afraid of disappointing him. Thinking back to the party last night, Darius had been terrified of making Duncan angry. He had seemed to try his best to be unobtrusive and just watch instead of asking his questions.

Methos couldn't believe how cruel Duncan had been when Jenny had tried to ask him what was wrong. Even he thought the music was loud but Methos had a feeling if he or anyone else had said the music was a little loud for them then it would have been turned down but not Darius. For him it was "I thought you said the monastery was louder at song."

Methos had seen the slump to Darius shoulders then but hadn't understood the meaning until he had left. Darius wanted to go. He wanted to understand what it was to belong. Why hadn't they seen the fact that he was feeling left out?

//Damn him and his ability to hide things!// Methos thought. //Why the hell didn't you tell one of the rest of us

? Even Tessa would have listened to you old friend. Only friend until Jenny.//

Methos suspected that was what Jenny was letting Duncan have it abut right now. The way he only seemed to want Darius around to alleviate his problems. //But what of your problems old friend? Did you think we wouldn't care? Even I wouldn't have left you to face this alone. But you learned to keep your mouth shut about your own problems too well didn't you? Duncan didn't want to hear them so you hid them from all of us. Gods, why didn't I see it? Me the master of lies?//

Methos heard a slight moan from the bed and reached out along the joining for Jenny. She abruptly cut off what she was saying to Duncan and came in. Darius eyes opened but they were pain filled and confused.

"Where am I?" He asked dazedly. Methos pushed him back against the bed gently when he tried to get up. He must have been hit with weakness because he fell back harder than Methos had gently pushed. Darius looked up at them and smiled tiredly.

"Thank you," he said as he fell asleep. Jenny could tell now that it was a normal sleep and that he was beginning to heal physically. Emotionally was another story but they had time to fix those wounds. They’d saved him from hell, which was all that mattered right now.

END