Title: Taking Advantage

Author: Johnny Pez and Kessily

Fandom: Highlander

Rating: PG

WARNING: SPANKING FIC

by Johnny Pez and Kessily

London, May 1720

Hugh Fitzcairn could never resist a pretty face. It was the one unvarying constant in a life that spanned five hundred and thirty years. So when a beautiful woman named Katherine told him she needed two hundred pounds, Hugh didn't ask what for. He simply leaned over in bed and got the money out of the chest sitting at its foot.

"Sorry love," he told her, "I've only got 189 pounds."

"I'll take it," she said, and she did.

When he got back from the tavern that evening, Hugh discovered that Katherine was gone. He asked around, but nobody knew where she went. Hugh shrugged, and went back to the tavern. He didn't have any money left, but the tavern owner knew him and let him run a tab. The same could not, however, be said of any of the ladies that frequented the tavern, so Hugh went home alone that night. He found he missed Katherine's company more than he missed the money, but then, he always did.

As the days wore on, and Hugh's bar tab started to grow, and the tavern owner started dropping hints about how it might be a good idea for Hugh to start paying some of it off, Hugh found that he was starting to miss the money, too. But it wasn't until two weeks had gone by and Hugh ran out of pipe tobacco that the seriousness of the situation began to sink in.

Hugh was strolling along Whitechapel Street, wondering what to do about his current financial shortcomings, when he felt a sudden pressure in his head that told him one of his fellow immortals was nearby. Hugh instantly went on the alert. You could kill another immortal by cutting off his head, and thereby gain a measure of his power. Some immortals made a career out of killing other immortals and cannibalizing their power.

Hugh had run into over two dozen of them over the centuries, and had managed to keep his own head every time. He loosened his black sword in its scabbard and searched the faces of his fellow pedestrians. His eye was caught by a well-dressed lady with dark hair. It took a moment, but Hugh finally put a name and a history to the face, and relaxed somewhat. It was Amanda.

Amanda didn't play head games. She was mainly interested in enjoying life, and helping herself to other peoples' valuables. Since Hugh was currently without any valuables, he ought to be perfectly safe in her company. He drifted through the crowd until he was by her side.

"Hello, Amanda. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

She smiled brightly at him. "Hugh! It's been at least fifty years if I'm not mistaken. Vienna, wasn't it? You were all moony-eyed over that Austrian princess, what was her name? Maria-something. How are you doing these days?" She led him through the gate of a churchyard, and they walked among the gravestones in the cemetary. Hugh knew that it was Amanda's way of making sure he didn't try anything funny.

Hugh didn't have a reputation as a head hunter, but it never hurt to err on the side of caution, and by custom holy ground was off limits to the immortals' death-duels. Hugh wasn't offended; he approved of such caution.

Amanda hadn't lived to be nine hundred by taking foolish chances.

"Life has its ups and downs, as usual, Hugh replied. "I'm in a sort of a down period at the moment. My last love left me penniless, and now I'm facing eviction, starvation, and today I ran out of tobacco."

Amanda shook her head. "How you ever let yourself get addicted to that noxious stuff is beyond me. I mean, you were what, four hundred when Raleigh brought it over from America?"

"Nearly that."

"And before you could say 'Spanish Armada' you were hooked."

"Don't knock it if you haven't tried it, Amanda."

"Oh, but I have tried it, Hugh. That's how I can say with such authority that it's the most vile stuff ever created. But never mind that. Hugh, how would you like to get in on the ground floor of the most exciting joint-stock company in Europe?"

Hugh shook his head. "Oh, Amanda, not the South Sea Company!"

"No, the South Sea Company is old news. Besides, the Company's directors already control all the stock. No, I've got a much better idea. I'm going to start my own joint-stock company! Isn't it exciting?"

"Come on, Amanda, what do you know about running a company?"

"Absolutely nothing, Hugh. That's the beauty of the concept. You don't have to know how to run it. You *hire* people to run it for you. All *you* have to do is own it!"

"And what would this new company of yours do?"

"Nothing!"

Hugh looked at her closely to see if she was joking. It was always hard to tell with Amanda. Nine hundred years of living could do strange things to a person's wits.

"Nothing?" he finally ventured?

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing but make me money! And you, too, if you join me."

"And how will you convince people to buy shares in a company that doesn't do anything?"

Amanda grinned a mischievous grin. "That's the beauty of it, Hugh. We simply DON'T TELL THEM! We simply announce that the company's purpose is a secret, and they have to buy shares if they want to be let in on it. Then, when we've sold a few hundred shares at two pounds each, we pick up and leave. It's perfect!"

"It's ridiculous!"

"Ah, but it isn't, Hugh. Have you been paying attention to what's happening here in London?"

"In all honesty, no. I've had other matters to occupy my thoughts."

"Well let me tell you, the South Sea Company is just the beginning.

There are dozens of joint-stock companies being organized every week, each one more dubious than the last, and every last one is taking off like a shot.

People have decided they're the perfect no-risk source of unlimited wealth.

They'll buy shares in any company that appears, literally any company. Even mine!"

"Oh come on, Amanda, nobody could possibly be that gullible!"

Amanda laughed. "What do you want to bet? If you're right, I'll give you fifty pounds. If I'm right, you give me half of your share of the profits."

That decided it for Hugh. At the very least, he'd be fifty pounds richer. And if Amanda turned out to be right...well, one quarter of the profits from her scam would still amount to hundreds. Either way, he'd be in good shape. "It's a deal," he told her.

The first thing they did was rent an office in Cornhill. Once established there, they engaged a printer to print up some impressive-looking joint-stock certificates, each one entitling the bearer to one share of the Great Advantage Joint-Stock Company.

"Why Great Advantage?" Hugh had asked.

"Because we're going to be taking great advantage of the witless fools who buy into the company."

Finally, they released upon an unsuspecting public a prospectus for "a Company for carrying on an Undertaking of Great Advantage, but Nobody to know What It Is." The Great Advantage Company would be raising five hundred thousand pounds by selling five thousand shares at a hundred pounds each.

Prospective shareholders would put down an initial payment of two pounds for each share. In one month's time, the full particulars of the "undertaking of great advantage" would be announced, and a call would be made for the remaining 98 pounds of each share. Every shareholder was promised a dividend of one hundred pounds per share per year.

Hugh still didn't believe anyone would be gullible enough to fall for it, and when they opened for business the following morning at nine o'clock, he expected to spend a dull day staring at an empty room, and walk away from the experience fifty pounds richer.

Six hours later, when Hugh closed the office, he was in a state of shock.

They had sold over a thousand shares of the Great Advantage Company. The Earl of Covington alone had bought a hundred shares. Over two thousand pounds sterling were sitting in a lock box behind the counter. Hugh would shake it from time to time to hear the jingle of the specie within, afraid that if he didn't keep constant watch on it it would disappear like any other form of faery gold. He was still doing it when Amanda walked in half an hour later.

"So, partner," she said jauntily, "how did we do?"

In a daze, Hugh told her, "One thousand and eighteen shares sold."

Amanda smiled. "That makes two thousand and thirty-six pounds in the kitty. Your share comes to five hundred and nine. That is, assuming you concede the bet. If not, I'm willing to admit I was wrong and pay you your fifty quid."

"Very funny. Alright, now what?"

"Now, we hire a coach and heigh us off to Dover to book passage for France. First rule of commerce -- when an operation is over, it's OVER! We take our profit and make tracks."

And that was what they did. The coach was hired in less than fifteen minutes. They stopped off to pay off Hugh's bar tab and back rent, then drove off for Dover. Hugh fretted every minute they waited for their ship to sail for Calais. Amanda decided during those hours in Dover that Hugh just wasn't cut out for a life in the fraud business. Hugh had to agree with her.

The worst moments were those just after they boarded the ship and waited for her to set sail. Any second he expected to see a maddened mob of impoverished stockholders burst into the docks and storm aboard their ship.

Hugh went weak with relief when they finally pulled away from the dock and set sail for France.

That night, as Hugh settled into bed in the Calais inn where they had taken rooms, he felt completely relaxed for the first time in a week. Five hundred pounds would be enough to support him for years. He could take his time deciding where to go and what to do next. He remembered his friend Duncan MacLeod's tales of his trip to the Far East. That sounded interesting. Maybe he could look up Duncan and talk him into making another trip out there...

Hugh's first clue that all was not well was when he came down to the inn's common room to find that Amanda wasn't there. He asked the innkeeper, who told him that the lady had left some hours previously, saying that Hugh would take care of their bill.

Hugh sighed. At least he still had five pounds in his purse, which was five more than Katherine had left him with. He was able to settle the bill at the inn and still have enough to buy an adequate horse from a stable near the marketplace. As for his destination, that was obvious. He knew that Paris was Amanda's favorite city, and she would ride there as fast as she could. After that it was just a matter of making inquiries.

Maybe he would find her and maybe he wouldn't, but it was definitely worth the effort.

Hugh was about three hours outside of Calais when he came to a crossroad occupied by two people and two horses. The horses were unfamiliar, but the people were Duncan MacLeod and Amanda. Duncan was sitting on the lock box with the two thousand pounds in it. Amanda was across Duncan's lap with her skirt around her waist. Duncan was spanking Amanda, and Amanda was cursing at Duncan.

The sight of Hugh riding up led to a pause in their little drama. Duncan shook his head at Hugh. "Hugh Fitzcairn," he said in his Scots-accented English, "how could you let yourself get caught up in one of Amanda's crooked schemes?"

"I needed the money," Hugh said simply. "Also, I didn't think anyone would be foolish enough to be taken in by such a preposterous scheme. I had a bet on with Amanda to that effect. I lost." Then he said, "What are you doing here, Duncan?"

"The Earl of Covington is a friend of mine. When he told me about the company he had invested in I decided to look into it. It didn't take much looking into to realize it was crooked, and that Amanda was behind it. So I followed her here. After I've finished with her, I intend to return to London with the money and return it to its rightful owners."

Hugh shook his head. "Duncan, I know your heart's in the right place, but do you honestly believe those people *deserve* to get their money back? Even your friend Covington? You know what they say about a fool and his money, and even you have to admit that only an utter fool could have been taken in by Amanda's scheme. I think you should let Amanda have the money, and let the fools suffer the consequences of their folly."

Duncan was clearly dumbfounded. "Hugh," he said finally, "I don't know how such a decent man has managed to survive for five hundred years without getting killed." He sat and thought for a moment. "All right, how about this? As far as I'm concerned, Amanda deserves nothing for trying to steal your share. So I'm giving you all two thousand pounds. How does that sound?"

Hugh smiled. "It sounds...like just desserts. Just one thing more, though, Duncan."

"What's that?"

"When you're done spanking her, I want a turn."

"What?" demanded Amanda, then "Ow! You're joking, right Hugh?"

"Don't act so indignant, Amanda," Hugh answered, pausing occasionally while Amanda exclaimed in pain. "If I wanted to, I could have you arrested."

"Ow!" "And the penalty for theft is death by hanging." "Ow!" "It wouldn't kill you, of course..." "Ow!" "...but it would hurt like hell..." "Ow!"

"...and I speak from experience." "Ow!" "What Duncan is doing to you..."

"Ow!" "...is nothing by comparison." "Ow!" "And remember what they used to do..." "Ow!" "...with thieves in the old days?" "Ow!" "Even hanging is mild next to having your hands held in boiling pitch..." "Ow!" "...until the flesh peels away from the bones."

"Ow! You're all heart, Hugh. Ow! I don't know how I'll ever, ow!, thank you."

Duncan held onto Amanda after he let her get to her feet. She was rubbing her bottom vigorously. "MacLeod, I don't know how you manage it, but every time you spank me its harder than the time before."

"I'm developing muscles as I get more practice," Duncan answered.

Hugh seated himself on the strongbox, then held Amanda down over his lap and commenced spanking her.

"Ow! Do you have to keep all of it, Hugh? Ow! After all, you and MacLeod are, ow!, both punishing me for stealing it, ow!, so why should I suffer financially too? OW!" Amanda looked up, startled, to see real anger in Hugh's face. She'd seen him fight death duels with less intensity.

"You already had three quarters of the money, Amanda! Why did you have to go and steal my share as well? Wasn't fifteen hundred pounds enough?"

"OWWWW!"

"And after that business with Katherine, I might have expected you to at least have the decency not to do the SAME DAMN THING TO ME!" Hugh had drawn his arm back, and started bringing it down for a blow strong enough to fell a tree, when he felt his arm jar to a halt several inches above Amanda's bottom. He looked up in surprise to find Duncan holding his arm.

"You don't want to do this, Hugh," he said. Hugh looked down at Amanda, and realized that her skin had gone white and her body was shaking. He let Duncan lift her from his lap.

"I'm sorry, Amanda," Hugh said.

"That makes two of us," Amanda answered in a whisper.

Leaving Amanda shivering in Duncan's arms, Hugh opened the strongbox and counted out two hundred pounds. "Here, Duncan," he said, "give this to your friend Covington. And thanks for stopping me." Then he carried the strongbox to his horse, packed it behind the saddle, mounted and rode away down the east road. With any luck, he might make it all the way to the South Sea.

The End