Chapter 1

It was so strange to sit here, in the empty loft and think about how strange his life became since he let the Highlander close.

Methos sighed and walked to the window, training his eyes on some unseen spot in the darkness outside. It was late but he had no idea what hour it was. The storm outside seemed only to get angrier and fiercer by any minute.

He hated storms. Hated them with vengeance, despising himself for the fear although he knew it came from the past experiences it was still a weakness, a flaw on him. His whole essence, his purpose was to survive. And irrational fears had no place here.

Gods he wished Mac was here. Not doing anything… just being… so that Methos wouldn't have to stand in the dark loft looking at the rivulets of rain on the window glass and shivering every time the thunder stuck, lightning the sky with electricity so similar to a Quickening.

But Mac wasn't here.

* *

when blues, got me down
Then I, get turned around
I tend to, cut myself off
From things, I shouldn't run from

* *

It was such a stupid thing. A stupid, small thing… but it hurt Mac. And he knew it was hurting his lover each time he denied him. But he kept doing it.

It wasn't just a lover's request, some kink… it something so essentially part of Duncan's being, something so incredibly personal that it got Methos petrified.

First two times Methos pretended he didn't notice, didn't care when the Highlander left their bed in the middle of the night and went downstairs to dojo and spend hours training, pushing his body to it's limits.

Methos knew about it, but he never acknowledged Duncan as he carefully slipped out of bed. Did the Highlander really thing he would sleep through some Immortal moving around him?

And maybe Duncan knew and waited for Methos to say something? There was so much insecurity in their relationship. They were in Seacouver for only three days. Only now did Methos realized that while they still were in his manor in Russia, Duncan never requested it from him. Only when they came here, to his loft.

They were lovers for two and a half week. Exactly 17 days.

* *

It doesn't really matter
Sometimes we run for cover
I'm always on the outside

Stabbed me in the back
Wanted things that I lack
Sticking to your ploy
Is this something you enjoy?
Publicity and insecurity
Just wanna be me
It's my need to be free

* *

He remembered this nights events all to well…

… He had absolutely no bones. Not a single one. None. His body still was still heated, heart beating wildly and skin flushed from the love they just made he closed his eyes and was slowly drifting away. The feeling of Duncan's heavy, hot body draped over him, his already soft member still inside him held an incredible amount of comfort. It was surprising how just his close presence could calm him… make him happy.

"Are you alive?" The breathless question asked in a tone of voice that spoke clearly of hidden smile, brought him back from the edge of consciousness.

"No" He answered sourly but made no move do disentangle himself from Mac. He liked the fact that the Highlander liked to touch him after sex, as if making sure that Methos knew how deeply he cared for him. That it was so much more .

The awe in Duncan's eyes when he traced his face with his fingertips. The moments when he lay on the bed, frozen in place letting Duncan touch him with such heartbreaking gentleness were something he carved but also feared. He was so terrified when Mac was touching him with such reverence. It cut him to the core, peeling away the masks that he needed to hide behind.

* *

It doesn't really matter
Sometimes we run for cover
I'm always on the outside (on my own)
You never seem to wonder
How much you make me suffer
I speak it from the inside

* *

His eyes were closed, he couldn't looked into Duncan's eyes anymore feeling the light touches on his cheeks, lips and neck. Like the touch of a butterfly, the hands skimmed over his still flushed skin.

He felt Duncan shift and moaned when he felt his member slip out of him. He knew that the connection couldn't be maintained forever, in reality it would become bothersome in just a few moments, but the other part of him, longed for the contact, for the comfort of Mac's body.

His eyes still closed he felt Mac shift so that he was lying beside Methos, his powerful body stretched along with quiet contentment of a sated cat.

Methos shifted into a more comfortable position beside his lover hoping to drift asleep in seconds. His Immortal healing already took care of the soreness caused by anal intercourse still he could feel the pulsing of his inner channel, the lingering aftershocks of pleasure still in his body.

If he concentrated he could also feel the slickness that slowly seeped out of him. And it didn't bother him one bit. It was strange, because with his earlier male lovers, he always took shower as soon as possible trying to get rid of the come that could have stayed in his body.

This time, having his lovers essence inside was… pleasurable. It gave him a sense of connection and reminded him of what they shared.

The very first warnings came when he felt the gentle stroking on his belly and then lower, fingers skimming over the curls…

And then came that request, just like the day before.

Duncan's hand touched his spent penis gently and then traveled lower, touching his heated inner thighs.

"Methos… can I touch you?"

Methos tensed feeling the first hesitant touch between his ass cheeks and Duncan immediately stopped, sensing that his lover was not responding well to his touch.

Methos turned his head to the side, avoiding that searching gaze. He knew Duncan was surprised and hurt that he denied him that simple touch, but he couldn't.

Methos had nothing against Duncan preparing him for penetration. His fingers were always so careful and sometimes even brought him to orgasm just by fingering him. But that was foreplay, sex. Now however things were different. There was nothing sexual in the Highlander's touch.

There was something wildly intimate and something that needed more trust that Methos had to offer to allow Duncan touch him inside after sex.

* *

Looking right at me (at me)
Won't receive my plea (my plea)
Tell me what you mean (you mean)
I'm not what's on the screen (oh-oh)
Faking what will be (will be)
Fighting the fatigue (fatigue)
That's quite enough for me (for me)
Makes me wanna scream
(scream, scream, scream, scream, scream, scream)
Keep it to myself (keep it to myself)

* *

A loud thunder jolted him back to reality. He felt incredibly cold and alone standing here in the empty loft knowing that Duncan was one floor lower, letting his frustration out on some harmless training bag.

So close… yet whole miles away.

Methos closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on the cold glass listening idly to the sound of rain. He couldn't understand Duncan no matter what. First he tells him that Methos is his first male lover, then acts with skill that meant practice, a lot, lot of practice.

One moment he was blowing Methos mind away with knowledge of his body bordering on wonder, and then he acted all shy and unsure. This rollercoster was driving him mad. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't classify Duncan.

But standing here and letting all those unspoken things fester in both of them driving them even more away was also not an answer.

One would think that after 5 000 centuries, he should have learned something!

* * *

Why?

Blow

Why?

A kick from half turn and another blow, till his knuckles hurt.

Why does he always push me away?

Duncan stopped for a moment, glaring at the hanging bag in disgust. It was doing nothing to help his frustration. He jerked the boxing gloves off with his teeth and pulled a mat to the center of the dojo.

His mind wandered while his body was going through familiar patters of warm up and stretching.

Why was Methos being so difficult? Ok, maybe his request to touch him inside after sex was a little on the… unusual side, but surely he did some kinkiest things in his life? Hell, sure he did. After all Duncan had memories of two of the man's lovers! For gods sake, even the glimpse of the things he did with Kronos, the things he did * to* Kronos was enough to made him blush, and although Methos called him a Boy Scout there was very little in sex that he didn't try at least once!

Still one touch, one caress, one request was not being met by Methos.

He started his kata with a speed that he knew was going to result in pain, but his anger and frustration couldn't let him do it slowly.

Hell, it wasn't the only problem. The Old Man was full of shit and refused to talk about it. He had problems, but kept them away from Duncan.

Did Methos really think that he wouldn't notice? That every time the made love, it was Methos submitting to him?? Every single time. Yes, Duncan was serious about anal intercourse because aside from some toys he played with thanks Amanda, but he was also scared. Who wouldn't be nervous during his first time? Well here the problem lay. Methos was doing nothing to let Duncan know that he wanted him that way.

Mac wasn't shy about sex and asked Methos to fuck him.

All he got was a lot of talking and no meaning. It ended with them arguing about some minor detail that had absolutely NOTHING to do with their sex life. He didn't approach the subject gain.

And it was like that with everything that considered Methos' intimate matters. Why did he submit only? – Why? Wasn't Duncan satisfied with him? Maybe he wanted a woman instead? Was their relationship a mistake? Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Touching after sex? Hell it was one of the most natural things for Duncan to hold and stroke his lovers afterwards, even without actual sex. But the first time he got courageous enough to touch Methos like he always wanted, the older Immortal stilled like a stature and barely BREATHED. He was tense and stiff like a log of wood.

At first he was a little concerned about Methos and sex with a man. He hadn't seen much, but sometimes, when he was asleep, he got flashes of images and feelings. And he knew, that they were echoes of the flashbacks Methos was suffering earlier.

He hadn't seen much, but what he saw told him enough about the cruel abuse Methos was subjected to. After seeing that, Duncan didn't wonder how Methos could be such a cold monster while ridding with Horsemen. He was surprised how he even stayed sane after so much pain, humiliation and endless torment.

Duncan also had the feeling that if he told Methos about these flashes the older Immortal would bolt right away.

And that was another problem.
Methos was so skittish. He almost defined the term anew! Sometimes Duncan was even afraid to breathe loudly in order not to scare him off. And of course the older man hated himself for his weaknesses and instead of showing fear, sharing it with Duncan, he attacked with his wickedly sharp, deadly tongue.

His thought become more and more scattered as his concentration was turned to the exercise. He pushed his body beyond pain and exhaustion, forcing himself to do the figures of his kata over and over again, when logically he knew he should stop. His lungs burned with the lack of oxygen and muscles screamed at the abuse. But it felt good nonetheless, letting the tension out of his body.

* *

It doesn't really matter
Sometimes we run for cover
I'm always on the outside
Keep it to myself (keep it to myself)
You never seem to wonder
How much you make me suffer
I speak it from the inside

* *

Doesn't he know he was aware of Methos' presence in the shadowed corridor of stairway? He was standing there, motionless, hidden from sight and watched him for about twenty minutes now.

Still Duncan was reluctant to be the one to break the strange mood. He was mature enough to know that his frustration was partially caused by anger. And being angry because he didn't get what he wanted was childish, selfish thing to do and it angered him even more that after 400 years he still prone to behavior more suiting a four year old.
Duncan finished the last sequence of his kata and began a cool down.

* *

Keep it to myself
(keep it to myself) (on my own)

It doesn't really matter
Sometimes we run for cover (on my own)
I'm always on the outside
Keep it to myself (keep it to myself)
You never seem to wonder
How much you make me suffer
I speak it from the inside

* *

It was hard to watch the Highlander from the distance. All that powerful muscles flexing an bunching under the bronze, gleaming with sweat skin, made it hard to think about anything other than getting his hands on that hot body an licking the salty swat away.

But he was fairly sure that Duncan wouldn't appreciate the gesture, not right now anyway.

Still taking his eyes off the fierce Scott seemed absolutely impossible. He watched the hair, damp from the sweat, fall on the broad, naked shoulders and his whole body vibrated at the sight. He had never known such passion, such soul-consuming desire to touch, to feel another man. Even with Kronos and he spent a thousand years with him.

His heart was pounding so strongly and he was so focused on the warriors beauty of his lover that it took him a second to realize that Mac had spoken.
Why did this man always trained shirtless?

"Are you going to stand there all night?"

Methos was surprised at the tone. It seemed as if Mac was daring him, provoking to… something. To… fight him?

Coming here Methos suspected that Mac would pretend that nothing happened, like before ignoring the events, and was surprised to find anger in his lover's voice. Maybe it was because he interrupted before Mac was finished with his ritual, finished getting rid of frustration. Or maybe he reached the limit of his patience.

"Why? I was enjoying the view."
From his place near the stairway he could see the sudden tension in the naked back of his Highland lover.

Suddenly the Scott whirled around, his chest heaving in sudden anger or passion his eyes dark and filled with something so deep it hurt to look into them.

"Is it a game for you Methos? Is it something you take so lightly? This… thing between us? The relationship?"

Duncan's angry words weren't surprising. More or less Methos had expected them to come sooner or later. What surprised him was his own reaction. The way something hot and burning rose in his chest.

"Why are you so angry? Just because I am not as touchy feely as you doesn't mean you can snap at me! I can't be like you, don't you understand? I don't want nor need those cuddly gestures from you!"

Methos wasn't exactly thinking about the things he said, he was just letting the words flow and it took him by surprise to hear his dark lover growl low and dangerous. His whole body language changed from tension and irritation to pure rage. His jaws were clenches so hard that little muscles on his cheek were twitching and his hands curled into fists.

"It's not about what you can or can not give me Methos. It's about all those fucking lies you feed me. You are a coward Methos. I wouldn't have ever guessed that you could be such a cowardly being."

"Watch your words!" I sneered at him, enraged by his words. Some part of him, something that was still true whispered to him that there was truth in Mac's words but he ignored it.

The attack came so fast and so furious Methos had no chance to protect himself. In a matter of heartbeat he found himself gripped by his biceps and listed into air, the Highlander's formidable strength keeping him up in the air without any effort.

"You lie Methos… you keep yourself shut away, pretend and I hate every minute, every twisted, calculated word leaving your mouth!" Snarled the Scot and shook Methos hard, as if trying to highlight his words.

Methos finally had enough. With one swift movement his naked feet connected painfully with Mac's solar plexus and the larger man was pushed back, wheezing. The blow would have killed or stunned a lesser man, bit it only slowed the Highlander.

"What you see is what you get Highlander. I am nothing more than what you see!"

Duncan shook his head, loose hair falling over his eyes giving him a dark, dangerous look and Methos was again taken aback by the sharp lust that shot through his body. It seemed that taunting the Highlander, provoking this naturally gentle man to aggressiveness turned Methos on something fierce.

"You are lying again!" The larger man bellowed and in one jump was on Methos tackling him to the floor. The older Immortal landed with a loud oof as all the air was knocked from his lungs.

"You lie!" Duncan whispered urgently, stopping a well aimed blow at his face, and using only his strength, forcing Methos' arm behind his back. "Or did you forget that I took two of your former lovers?"

* *

You never seem to wonder
How much you make me suffer
I speak it from the inside

* *

Duncan looked at the flash of something in those hazel, angry eyes and pressed with his whole body to keep Methos motionless under him.

"Do you remember the night at the sea Methos? The night when you and Kronos stayed behind? Silas and Caspian were off somewhere, probably killing and pillaging villages but you and Kronos went to the sea shore."

Duncan watched as the hazel eyes widened with astonished horror and Methos' body under him stilled, petrified. Vaguely he was aware that betraying that he had those memories so clear was a bad thing but he was beyond reason right now.

"Do you remember that night Methos? The night when you watched the sun come down over the still sea and promised your Brother you love? That night when you made love to him for the last time before you left? Do you remember Methos? Because I do! I can see you touching him with gentleness and passion, I can see you taking him each night when I close my eyes… but still, you won't touch me that way!"

As soon as he finished speaking, Duncan wanted to bit his tongue off. The way Methos was deathly pale and his eyes were wide and dark with something he couldn't understand he knew he pushed too far.

The seconds stretched and stretched till he thought there were lying there, silently watching themselves and thinking about all the things that were said for eternity. Suddenly Methos came to life.

"You fucking bastard!" Yelled the older Immortal and kicked dislodging Duncan and jumping to his feet.

This time they were fighting for real. Blows exchanged and taken. Methos' leaner frame gave him the speed and agility Mac lacked and he found that Methos was an equal opponent.

"How dare you! Those memories do not belong to you!" Methos bellowed at him and attacked. Feet, fists and elbows that struck in deadly dance. Mac couldn't force himself to fight for real, sticking to defensive moves what gave the other man the upper hand.

"You had no right!" There was a strange, desperate note to Methos' voice and it suddenly struck Duncan.

The memories came to him, the virtual box in his mind opening and flooding him with images, thoughts and sensations of a man he didn't even want to think about.

…

"Are you sure Brother that you can?" That sneer, that sarcastic curl of the lips and the deceptively easy posture of Methos' body leaning on the big, old tree, send little shivers down his spine.

He felt his blood rush to his veins, pound behind his eyes. Lust and anger twisting an mingling together till there was no distinction anyway.

"I am not Silas nor Caspian Methos, do not provoke me so" He snarled, his body already heating in preparation for something that would come later, he knew. After that slow and dangerous dance that was their foreplay.

"No Kronos you certainly aren't… but are you sure that…" He never finished his bait when Kronos attacked. The daggers sung in the air, cutting the cloth and flesh, making his hand slippery with blood and his blood sing with anticipation. After only few minutes Methos made a bad move, slipped on the soft, slippery ground and lost his balance. In a matter of heartbeat he had him disarmed and pinned to the tree trunk, the dagger snugly at his throat and other hand twisted in the long, black hair pulling his Brother's head back, exposing his long, vulnerable throat.

"Why do you always provoke me so Methos? Isn't your life dangerous enough?" He asked cutting the skin shallowly at letting few droplets of blood run along that delicious throat. Without thinking he took what was offered to him and latched his mouth to the bleeding cut, sucking the coppery fluid, eliciting a low moan from his willing captive's throat.

"Because I like your fire Kronos… Because I like playing with it"

…
"You push me close and then away" He spoke to the older man. "you pull me close, tempt me with the promises of closeness you deny me when I ask." Methos backed off cautiously sensing the change in his lover.

"I couldn't understand it and it drove me mad. I love you so much Methos that sometimes when only one word, one gesture was enough to tear me apart, I hated you with passion that I have never known before. But now I know."

Sensing the turn about Methos tried to run but Mac was faster. Without the earlier gentleness, without the consideration he grabbed his lover and thrown the man on the wall, coming after him and before Methos had the time to regain his balance, Mac had him turned face to the wall, with both his hands twisted almost painfully behind his back.

"You want me without control. You find it arousing, don't you? Does the danger turn you on? Knowing that I could kill you? That I didn't care if you hurt or not?" But even saying the words, even with his mind veiled with red for of anger, Duncan knew he wouldn't hurt Methos. Not for real. Still he didn't fail to notice the way Methos stilled, almost pliant in his hands, the way his breathing became ragged and his body heated. "You want this. Me, half mad from anger and lust. You want to see what will happen, uh? So I will indulge you!"

Keeping Methos' hand securely locked in his hand, he jerked the loose sweatpants down and off of Methos' slim hips, exposing naked flesh.

"You want me like that?"

Mac slipped his hand in the shadowed cleft and pushed two fingers into his lover's opening still slick from the lube and come from their earlier lovemaking. Still two fingers were a bit much and Methos grunted at the burn then the thick digits entered him, pushing deep and hard inside, granting him no reprieve.

With unnerving accuracy Mac found the small bundle of nerves inside his lover's snug hot passage and pressed hard.

Methos gave a strangled yell under him and his whole body buckled. Mac only held his arms secured and then withdrew his fingers and jammed them again, hitting that peculiar spot, making Methos arch and moan with abandon he rarely saw in him.

"So hot. You're so hot Methos… and mine. Do you know that? You are mine. Everything. Good or bad, belong to me."

This hot, burning possessiveness was strange, unnatural even for him, yet it was a frequent occurrence around the older Immortal.

He withdrew his fingers, still without any of the gentleness that was so typical for him and in quick movement lowered his own pants, freeing his red and swollen cock. Not bothering with anything more, he let go of Methos' arms and grabbed his hips. Using his thumbs to spread the pale cheeks open, he pushed his cock into the exposed opening.

Methos' scream was drowned in his own howl of pleasure/agony at the vise like grip of his lovers channel, the burning friction and the incredible heat. He was wet enough for the penetration to be possible, but it wasn't enough to avoid pain.

* * *

Methos screamed feeling the hard cock press to his exposed opening and then the exquisite, burning pain of entry when in one movement Mac buried himself to the hilt, stretching him to the limits, pressing till his balls slapped Methos' bare flesh.

Methos barely noticed that his arms were free and that instinctively, he used them to gain some leverage when his hips, of their own volition, started pressing back into the punishing thrusts of his enraged lover.

When he felt Mac's hand on his painfully erect member, he jerked and came before MacLeod had the chance to jerk him even once. His come shot on the wall and on his chest and he slumped bonelessly, panting hard, sated more than ever.

* * *

Duncan grit his teeth and stilled while his lovers body convulsed around him, spasming with pleasure. He listened to the strangled moans and watched Methos' body arch and tense when waves of climax overtook him.

Mac held himself still and waited, keeping his body in check, not letting himself gain any release.

He watched with fascination as Methos slumped against the wall, not noticing the still hard as steel, swollen cock buried so deep inside him.

Mac hadn't come yet.

He closed his arms around the thinner man and pulled him off the wall, closer to him so that Methos was stretched along his body, shaking and panting.

"Why Methos? Why do we have to hurt each other so much?"

There seemed to be no answer. Methos kept his eyes closed, the lashes falling over the flushed cheeks and swollen, moist lips parted while he tried to draw loud, desperate gulps of air.

Mac held him close, his desperate need somehow at bay. The connection between them, his arousal still buried in the other man's channel, gave him a strange sense of intimacy.

His anger seemed to dissipate, leave him…

Duncan flattened his open palm on Methos' belly and pressed, making the other man feel the erection inside him, almost believing he could feel the shape through the tissues.

After what seemed ages, but probably was seconds, Methos eyelashes fluttered.

"Because…" His voice was strained, coarse with remnants of passion and something different, an emotion Duncan wasn't able to identify. "Because we are alive MacLeod"

Duncan moved his free hand to the other man lips, his fingers sticky with the cooling semen touched the parted lips hesitantly. A shiver run through his body as a pink, wet tongue flicked out to lick the salty fingertips.

Such a sensual creature. Such a beautiful, strong spirit and all that twisted ways of that incredible mind. It was no wonder he fell so hard for the Old Man.

"I don't want to fight you Methos. You mean too much to me."

The lids came down again, hiding those changing eyes from him. Methos stretched his neck and kissed him, over his shoulder, with his face still flushed and light tremors still wracking his body.

The kiss was light, gentle only surface deep. It wasn't about passion. It was about understanding something about themselves.

"I… I am old Mac. My head is full of trash. Sometimes… sometimes I react, do things… that are not necessarily, best in that moment."

Duncan thought about all the abuse the older Immortal suffered and realized that he was being too harsh, too short tempered. Methos needed patience. His natural response fight or flight was taking over him over and over again. But, after all, fight was better than flight, right? His lover at least wasn't trying to leave him.

Slowly, with care that lacked earlier, he withdrew from his lover's passage. His desire was still burning brightly but there were more important things than sex right now.

Not bothering to gather their clothes, Mac pulled Methos to the lift intending to come to the lost. The silence between them no more angry but companionable.

He watched the lift descend and let go an explosive sigh. It was good to let go of that tension.

He was surprised to hear a soft chuckle beside him. He turned his head to the side and looked at Methos' amused face from behind his hair.

"What?" he asked with fainted annoyance. In truth he was in a too good mood to be able to be angry at Methos for anything.

"Make-up sex. Isn't it wonderful?" His lover asked with a glint in his face.

Mac only shook his head and opened the crate when the lift arrived.

"You are a pain in the ass." He stated affectionately.

"Ah… but what a fine ass it is?" Said Methos sauntering beside him into the lift and… wait what was that?… wiggling his hips a little?

His cheerful mood suddenly left him.

"About that ass…" He started.

Methos rolled his eyes and punched the button on the wall.

"Oh puh-lease Mac! No Scottish guilt trips over this! So you got a little rough over that. No big deal. It isn't like I hadn't enjoyed it!" He said looking at his chest where droplets of semen cooled down.

Duncan flushed at that.

"Hmm… a very interesting shade of red Duncan, really appealing. You think you can get it somewhere else that you face… and neck… oh? What is it? I think it's contagious. It's already on you chest…"

"METHOS!" He bellowed at his mischievous lover.

"Uh uh… aren't we a little touchy-touchy right now"

The lift stopped and Mac opened the crate. "I swear Methos if you won stop I'll…"

"You will what?" The golden eyes looked at him with a curious mix of challenge and laughter.

"I'll nail your bony ass to the mattress!"

Methos shot him a wicked grin and shot out of the elevator yelling: "Catch me if you can Boy Scout!"

Half laughing, half growling in annoyance Mac ran after him. His `un-willing prey headed right on the direction of the large bed and all in took Mac to get him down on it was one well calculated jump and both of them were bouncing on the mattress, laughing like adolescences.

When he got Methos securely pinned under him, Mac looked at him with question in his eyes, pressing his renewed erection to his naked, smooth hip.

"It's Ok Highlander. Immortal healing, remember?"

"You sure?"

Methos rolled his eyes, but Mac was serious. Even with their immortal healing, coming again after such a short time.

"Stupid Highlander. Stop worrying so much and just fuck me already!"

Mac shook his head. Trust his lover to say something so.. romantic! Still grinning Duncan reached for the bedside table and took the lilac scented oil he used when they first made love. He made a point of always using the same mixture so that Methos would start associate this scent with him and him only.

"No. I am going to make love to you" He whispered against the pliant lips of his lover and slowly kissed him, deepening the connection, skipping his hand over the sensitive nipples and taut stomach. He coated his fingers and gently touched the still lightly swollen, slightly loose opening of his lover, watching as Methos eyes drifted shut and as his head fell back, exposing the pale, vulnerable neck.

His lips immediately latched themselves to that sweet skin and nipped and licked lower, down the center on his chest, while his fingers probed gently his lovers passage.

Half sighing, half laughing Methos raised himself on his elbows and looked down his body on Mac's hand between his thighs.

"You know MacLeod. This really is a kink of yours. I can't be much looser if I wanted to. You managed to nail me to the matters AND to the wall tonight. Just go for it, will you already?"

Duncan sighed and let his head rest on Methos belly. He wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry at his lovers absolute lack of tact.

"Methos I am trying to concentrate here!"

His lover only rolled his eyes – again – and then reached for the jar of scented oil, taking a generous amount on his hands and rubbing them together to warm it.

"I think that some part of you is already focused enough" With that he reached to Duncan's straining erection and coated it liberally. Mac moaned unable to resist the sensation and shuddered, his body reminding him about it's long denied needs.

"Killjoy" he muttered into the soft, smooth skin of Methos' stomach.

"Oh I don't know about that" Said Methos with a trace of laughter in his voice and then moved his thighs so that they were locked behind Mac's back.

Duncan looked at the smooth, pale, strong thighs on both side of his body and felt his body set on fire. God but it drove him mad to see those deceptively lean legs around him, seeing Methos stretched underneath him, offering him anything he would like to take.

And that old, skinny bastard knew it damn well judging from the self satisfied smirk on his face when he used his legs to pull Duncan closer.

Finally giving in, Duncan braced himself with his arms on the both sides of Methos' head and thrust, burying himself easily to the hilt in one move. Methos threw his head back sharply and his lips parted when a sharp hiss of breath escaped him.

Mac wanted to stay still, let his lover adjust to the invasion, but Methos' hips were already moving, pressing up, forcing him to move in counterpoint.

He hung his head, watching as his cock disappeared into his lovers tight passage that accepted him without resistance and felt the velvet grip on his flesh. Methos hands, still slick form the oil slid up his shoulders, fingernail grazing lightly till they reached his face.

Just when the pleasure became too much, when he felt himself fell apart, Methos pulled him down for a deep, devouring kiss anchoring him to the reality. Holding him while he fell, while he shattered into a thousand pieces and spent himself into his lover's accepting body.

Afterwards they lay motionless for a long, long moment, letting their bodies settle down. Mac was vaguely aware that Methos got up and came back with a wet washcloth to clean both of them, before slipping under the covers again.

Mac pulled him closer and petted his face and back, careful not to let his hands slid lower, remembering the tense reaction to that from before.

The voice of his voice surprised him. Methos lay so still, Duncan thought he fell asleep.

"You can, you know… if you want"

Duncan froze for a moment, not sure if he understood Methos, but when his lover moved to lay on his back again, grabbing his wrists and putting his hand on his inner thigh, it was clear what he meant.

"Are you sure?"

Methos looked at him, his eyes almost pure gold, filled with expression he couldn't understand.

"Yes"

He didn't ask again, afraid that Methos can change his mind. Duncan slid his hand between the pale, well muscled cheeks and carefully touched the slightly swollen rosebud of muscles.

Slowly, with infinite care he slid one finger inside and closed his eyes to feel the heat, the velvet, buttery soft tissue inside clutching him and once again wondered how was it possible to feel so much pleasure from this simple act. How such a tight space could stretch so much?

* * *

Methos barely felt the single invading him finger. He was relaxed and well stretched from their earlier activities and it wasn't unpleasant. Yet there was something so terrifyingly intimate in that gesture, that it took his breath away.

He had no idea why it scared him so much to allow Duncan this touch.

He looked at his lover. His eyes were closed, face a mixture of concentration and awe. What was it that draw Duncan so much to this… thing? The almost reverence in Mac sometimes scared him.

"Why are you afraid of this?" Mac asked him quietly, his eyes gentle and searching.

Methos couldn't stand this insistent gaze and turned his head to the side.

"It's too… too much."

As soon as his body started tensing Mac withdrew his finger and held the older immortal close to his chest pretending not to hear the ragged breaths.

"Shh… it's ok"

When Methos finally calmed down, Mac asked him the question that nagged at him for last weeks.

"Why don't you ever want to take me Methos?"

The body in his arms tensed and then slipped from his embrace.

"You don't want to know Duncan"

The rare use of his name told him that something was very wrong here, still he insisted.

"Why?"

Methos sighed and scooted even more away from him.

"Because it would be unfair to you."

"Why unfair?!" Mac didn't understand one word from what his lover was saying.

"I can not take you Duncan." There was a short, loaded silence and then the quiet, brokenly sounding voice continued "Because I don't love you"