Title: All for Amusement

Author: Dragon Kat

Feedback: Most certainly!

Archive: Least Expected, otherwise just let me know.

Pairings: Merry/Pippen/Boromir, Legolas/Gimli, Aragorn/Gandalf, Frodo/Sam, implied

Disclaimer: I don't own them, they belong to the god JRR Tolkien, and no money is being made from this. Don't sue me `cus all you'll get are two cats and four deranged muses.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Slash. My attempt at amusing myself in my chem class.

Summary: What happens when I get bored in my chem class with nothing better to do.

Author's Notes: words/phrases inside asterisks are italicised.

Ok, this is in the words of one of my friends very deranged, but then, it's the result of me being bored and exhausted. Hopefully it won't scare people too much.

All for Amusement
by Dragon Kat

Aragorn was shocked from sleep was he was unceremoniously dropped on his arse. He snapped awake and found himself in unfamiliar surroundings. As he scanned the cave he found himself in he saw Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippen, Legolas, and Gimli. The four hobbits were in a pile while Legolas and Gimli were standing up and warily taking in their surroundings. Boromir was nowhere to be seen. The cave seemed to be completely sealed off. This was not good. It had to be some sort of trick of Saruman's.

"I do say, this is quite a comfy spot o' ground. Nice an' cushy!" Pippen emphasised his point by bouncing slightly.

A muffled curse could be heard from under the hobbit pile, followed by Pippen being pushed off to the side and Boromir's head appearing. "Could you *get off* me?" he growled.

"So sorry! Didn't realise ye were under us there!" Pippen said, bushing himself off. The other hobbits shook their heads as they also pulled themselves together.

"Where are we?" Aragorn asked, not expecting an answer.

"I don' know where we are, but I can guarantee this is the result of foul elvish trickery!" Gimli said, glowering at Legolas.

"This is no form of elvish magic dwarf. It is just as foreign to me as to you."

As Legolas finished his phrase a strange figure appeared in their midst. Merry and Pippen threw themselves behind Boromir as Frodo and Sam ducked behind Aragorn. Both humans, Legolas, and Gimli drew their weapons, focusing them on the strange being. It.she, appeared to be human, although her garb was most strange and her hair was of an unnatural pinkish hue.

"Terribly sorry to have given you all such a fright. See, I'm in this horribly boring class and was hoping I could borrow you all for some amusement."

"And what makes you think you can control us or make us do your bidding? The son of the Steward of Gondor is not some mere entertainer for.peasants." Boromir spat the last word out as if it had a bitter taste upon his tongue.

"Boromir," Aragorn cast a warning look the younger man's way. "We do not know what nature of being this creature is. `Tis best not to anger her as we know not what her powers are." Aragorn turned to the strange being, "What manner of being are you? And how do we know you are not some spy of Saruman or Sauron?"

"I'm human, and if I were a spy do you really think I would have trapped you in a cave and asked you to entertain me? Not to mention, I like you guys a lot better. And, to answer Boromir's question, you guys don't get to leave until you entertain me, and, if I absolutely have to I will sic a hoard of Mary-Sues on you."

A look of utter horror adorned all their faces. "Oh please don't!" Sam flung himself at the stranger's feet. "Please, don't put Mister Frodo through all that. He's been through more than his fair share already."

"What do you want?" Aragorn's voice had a defeated tone to it now.

"Well, for my own twisted purposes I'd love to know who's sharing bedrolls these days."

The four hobbits turned nine shades of crimson while Gimli and the two humans sputtered. Legolas simply had a shocked look upon his face.

"Oh come now. You all must know who's with who.that sort of thing doesn't stay private for long on trips like this."

"You drive a hard bargain. We must hold council over this before we may answer," Aragorn said. He walked over to a corner with the other seven trailing behind them. Hushed whispers could be heard from the hastily constructed circle. Several times a random word was heard as tempers flared and were quickly soothed. After several minutes of debate the eight of them broke the circle and turned to the stranger.

Aragorn took a short step forward and spoke. "We cannot share with you whom are bedfellows are. Our fear of Mary-Sues is great, but we cannot bring ourselves to share with a complete stranger whom we choose to share our bedrolls with and still respect ourselves."

Pippen turned to Merry and without thinking spoke. "This means we don' have to tell her that we're sleepin' with Boromir, right?"

Boromir and Merry both turned to stare at Pippen, mouths agape.

Meanwhile Gimli was barely able to suppress his amused snorts. For once the youngest halfling's typical bumbling had brought him amusement.

Boromir turned to the chuckling dwarf, his rage barely concealed. "I shall not suffer this indignity alone! Would you care to share with her whom you share *your* bedroll with? Or need I tell her that you and that *elf* are far more than you seem?"

Gimli's chuckles turned to growls and he charged the human. "How dare you?" Gimli ploughed into Boromir, knocking him to the ground and landing on top of him.

Aragorn stepped in to defend Boromir, pulling the flailing dwarf from him. "Now is not the time nor the place for this Gimli," he quietly and calmly said.

"You have no right to tell me when the time or place is right for meting out punishment to those who cannot hold their tongues," Gimli spit back hotly.

"Gandalf placed me in charge of The Fellowship when he fell into shadow Gimli. It would be wise for you to heed my counsel."

"You are not fit to lead us! He only chose you for that role because you were his whore!"

Aragorn backhanded the dwarf, his handsome features expressing the utmost rage and anger.

"Um, I'm ah.gonna head back now.you're free to go whenever you wish," the author backed off slowly, thankful that they were all to caught up in their private fights to notice her. She vanished back to whence she came but none of The Fellowship noticed her leaving.

Aragorn and Gimli continued to exchange blows while Boromir and Legolas attempted to separate them. Sam and Frodo had disappeared to a dark corner for privacy and Merry was still lecturing Pippen on discretion.

Das Ende
Feedback...good, bad...just no flames please!