First Meeting 2 :Leave it to Frodo

First Meeting 3: Leave it to Frodo

by Jeanster

Pairing: Aragorn/Legolas

Rating: PG-13

Catagory: humor

Note: My fanfiction parody of Leave it to Beaver, LOTR-style

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Leave It To Beaver and/or The Lord of the Rings.

First Meeting 3: Leave It To Frodo

by Jeanster

Scene: Mayfield, Middle Earth. Suburban setting sometime in the late 1950's. We see a lovely house with a beautiful front yard surrounded with a white picket fence. Frodo is sitting on the front stoop. The door opens. Frodo sees Aragorn about to leave the house with Legolas, Gimli and Boromir.

FRODO Hi, fellas! Where are you going? Can I come, too?

ARAGORN Sorry, Frodo. I promised the guys it'd be just us today. We have a practice meet on the battlefield.

BOROMIR Yeah, beat it, squirt!

ARAGORN Hey, knock it off, Boromir!

BOROMIR What are you yelling at me for? He always wants to tag along. (turns to Frodo) Run along and play with your own friends, squirt!

ARAGORN (sternly) Boromir, I'm warning you. Cut it out or I'll make you sorry you ever started picking on Frodo.

Boromir sees the serious look on Aragorn's face and also sees Aragorn fingering the handle of his Anduril sword and realizes he has gone too far. BOROMIR Okay, okay! Geez, Louise! I was just kidding!

ARAGORN Frodo, you and I can do something together tomorrow. I promise. But today it's just the guys and me. Okay?

FRODO (sad look on his adorable Hobbit face) Well, okay, Aragorn. Have a good time, fellas.

ARAGORN (feeling guilty) I promise I'll make it up to you, Frodo. I'll even treat you to an ice cream cone, okay?

FRODO (face brightens up a little) Really? Okay!

ARAGORN (smiles) See you later.

Scene: Living room of the house.

BILBO Gandalf, I'm worried about Frodo.

GANDALF You are? I must admit that I myself have been concerned about the little fellow. Earlier today I had a talk with Aragorn to remind him that he did take an oath to protect that little Hobbit.

BILBO How did it go?

GANDALF It went well. Aragorn's a good man. He just needed that little reminder.

BILBO I'm glad. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll give this house a good vacuuming since I'm already all dressed in my finest clothes.

GANDALF The pearls give the ensemble a nice touch.

BILBO Thank you. I thought so. So did Boromir with his usual, "My, what a lovely outfit you're wearing today, Mr. Baggins." Gawd, what a suck-up! What on earth does Aragorn see in him as a friend?

GANDALF Oh, I'm sure he has his good qualities. I just can't think of any at the moment. Well, I'm going to my den now to read up on magic spells. I'll see you a little later, my friend.

BILBO (mutters to himself) Sure, leave me with all the housework to do. Go hide in your den and smoke Hobbit weed.

Scene: Streets and sidewalks of this suburban town. Frodo and Sam are walking along. Sam is carrying a bag of doughnuts. He offers one to Frodo. Frodo politely refuses. Sam shrugs and happily munches on the doughnut.

FRODO Look, Sam. There are Merry and Pippin. Let's go say hi.

SAM (nods instead of speaking as his mouth is full of doughnut)

FRODO Hey, fellas. What are you doing?

MERRY Hi, Frodo. Hi, Sam. We're just trying to decide if that giant coffee cup up on top of that billboard is really filled with hot steaming coffee or not.

PIPPIN I say it IS hot coffee. Why else would it be steaming like that?

MERRY I say it's some sort of machine. Or maybe it's magic. Maybe Gandalf made that giant coffee cup and his magic keeps it steaming.

PIPPIN Well, there's only one way to find out for sure.

FRODO How?

PIPPIN Someone will have to climb up there and look inside.

MERRY Yeah!

PIPPIN Hey, Frodo, why don't you go on up there and tell us what's inside?

FRODO Me? Why me? I don't care what's making it steam.

MERRY What are you, Frodo? Chicken?

PIPPIN Yeah, Frodo! Are you chicken?

FRODO I'm not chicken! I just don't care what makes it steam. Since you guys are the ones who care, why don't one of YOU climb up there?

MERRY Frodo's a chicken! Frodo's a chicken!

PIPPIN Cluck, cluck, cluck! Frodo's a chicken!

FRODO Sam, aren't you going to say anything?

SAM (points to his mouth full of doughnut to indicate he can't talk at the moment)

Frodo rolls his eyes in exasperation.

Merry and Pippin continue clucking like chickens and teasing Frodo. Sam finishes swallowing his mouthful of doughnut.

SAM Frodo, why don't you go ahead and climb up there? It'll give you a chance to get rid of that ring you still have.

FRODO What do you mean, Sam?

SAM You still have it, don't you?

FRODO Well, yeah. What with school and homework and chores and stuff, I just haven't had time to get rid of it like I was supposed to. Gee whiz, Sam. How would climbing up to that giant coffee cup help me get rid of this ring?

SAM You could throw it down inside! If it's really magic hot steaming coffee, then won't the powerful magic destroy the ring?

FRODO M-maybe. Gee whiz, Sam. I don't know. What if it doesn't work? Then I'd only be climbing up there for nothing. What if I fall? What if I break something?

SAM Frodo, listen to the guys! They think you're chicken! Are you going to let them believe that about you?

FRODO (pauses to think this over) Hmmm. W-well, I guess not. I don't want it getting around town or in school that I was too chicken. Hey, fellas!

MERRY What, chicken? I mean, Frodo?

PIPPIN Yeah, what?

FRODO I'm gonna do it! Watch me!

MERRY and PIPPIN Hooray! Go Frodo! Go Frodo!

SAM Go Frodo! Oh, but if you fall and get hurt, it wasn't my idea, okay?

Frodo glares at Sam.

Scene: Practice field in Mayfield, Middle Earth

ARAGORN Great practice session, guys. You did good.

GIMLI We will do well in our next battle against those Orcs.

LEGOLAS Indeed. We make a great team.

BOROMIR Aragorn, how come you always get to be the Captain?

ARAGORN (rolls his eyes) Do we have to have this conversation every time we do this?

Scene: The billboard with the giant coffee cup on top. Frodo is teetering on the edge of the cup. Sam, Merry and Pippin are down below staring up at him.

SAM You can do it, Frodo! You're almost there! Just throw the Ring into that giant coffee cup!

FRODO Whoaaaaaa! (falls headfirst into the giant coffee cup)

SAM Frodo!

MERRY Uh-oh. Hey, I think I hear my mom calling me.

PIPPIN Uh, me, too! I gotta run. 'Bye, Sam!

Merry and Pippin take off running as fast as their Hobbit feet can carry them.

SAM

Hey! Come back here, you guys! Don't leave us! Frodo needs help!

FRODO Sam! Help me!

SAM Frodo! What's inside the cup? Is it hot coffee?

FRODO No!

SAM

Well, what is it?

FRODO

Why don't you get your sorry ass up here and find out for yourself, you stupid moronic sad excuse for a friend! I could kick myself for letting you talk me into climbing up here! You better hope I never get out of here because if I ever do, I'm gonna kick your sorry ass all the way out of Mayfield, Middle Earth!

SAM Frodo?! I-I've never heard you yell at me like that. How could you? I thought we were best friends!

FRODO Are you going to start crying now, you idiot? I'll give you something to cry about! Just you wait!

SAM (bawls) Waaaawww!

Word quickly reaches Bilbo and Gandalf about Frodo's situation. Gandalf, with the help of the giant flying eagle, rescues Frodo from inside the giant coffee cup.

Scene: Later that evening in the lovely home. Frodo is safely back in the bosom of his loving family.

FRODO I'll never do anything like that again. I promise.

BILBO Well, we're glad to hear that, Frodo. We're even more glad that you're okay.

GANDALF Aragorn, don't you have something you want to say to Frodo?

ARAGORN Well, okay. Frodo, I'm sorry I put the guys ahead of you. I should have stayed by your side, since I did take that oath to protect you. I promise to be better about that.

FRODO Thanks, Aragorn.

*group hug!*

SCENE: Frodo's classroom after the bell has rung and the other students have left. Frodo is nervously hanging around by his teacher's desk. His teacher is the very beautiful Elf, Miss Arwen. She looks up from her paperwork and smiles at Frodo.

MISS ARWEN Yes, Frodo?

FRODO Uh, Miss Arwen, I was just wondering if, uh, well, if, uh ---

MISS ARWEN (smiling gently) Yes?

FRODO W-would you like to come over to my house for dinner this Saturday night? My Uncle Bilbo is a terrific cook. And seeing as how you're my favorite teacher of all the teachers I've ever had, I'd consider it a real honor and pleasure if you'd say yes.

MISS ARWEN Why, Frodo, that's very sweet of you. I would love to have dinner with you. Thank you for such a gracious invitation.

FRODO Wow! You're very welcome, Miss Arwen! Could you come over at six o'clock? That's when we usually have dinner.

MISS ARWEN Certainly, Frodo. I'm looking forward to it.

FRODO So am I, Miss Arwen! Good-night. See you tomorrow in class.

MISS ARWEN Good-night, Frodo.

What Frodo and Miss Arwen do not realize is that Merry and Pippin happened to be outside the doorway and heard the conversation that took place between Miss Arwen and Frodo. They quickly ran off before Frodo saw them.

MERRY Wow! Miss Arwen's going to have dinner at Frodo's house!

PIPPIN He's such a teacher's pet! What should we do?

MERRY What do you mean?

PIPPIN Oh, come on, Merry. This is too good a chance to pass up. Let's figure out what we can do this Saturday night at Frodo's house when Miss Arwen is there. We can't let Frodo get away with this. Hmpf! Teacher's pet!

The two of them leave the school and head home while they discuss what they could do.

SCENE: Saturday evening at Frodo's house. It is almost six o'clock. Frodo is dressed in his finest clothes and is anxious and nervous.

FRODO (knocking on the bathroom door) Aragorn! Are you almost ready? You took a bath and shaved, right? And you washed your hair, too, right? Be sure to put on your good clothes, you hear me?

ARAGORN (coming out of the bathroom) Frodo, don't be such a dope. What do you take me for? I don't plan to embarrass you in front of your teacher. I'll be on my best behavior. See? I'm perfectly groomed. I bathed, shampooed, shaved and now I'm going to put on my best clothes.

FRODO Good. I'm going downstairs to check on Gandalf and Uncle Bilbo. I hope everything is going okay in the kitchen.

ARAGORN Relax, Frodo. Take a few deep breaths. Gee, you're shaking like a leaf. She's just your teacher.

FRODO Yeah, well maybe to you she's just my teacher. But she's the best teacher I ever had, so I want this evening to go perfectly.

ARAGORN Okay, okay. I'll do all I can to help make that happen. You go on downstairs while I get dressed. See you in a few minutes.

FRODO Thanks, Aragorn.

SCENE: The living room. The doorbell rings.

FRODO I'll get it!

He opens the door. It is the beautiful Miss Arwen.

FRODO Good evening, Miss Arwen. Come in.

MISS ARWEN Good evening, Frodo. Thank you. My, you have a lovely home.

FRODO Thank you. Oh, here comes Aragorn. Miss Arwen, this is Aragorn. Aragorn, this is my teacher Miss Arwen. Let me take your coat and hang it up, Miss Arwen.

MISS ARWEN Thank you, Frodo.

While Frodo is hanging up Miss Arwen's coat in the closet, he does not notice his teacher and Aragorn gazing at each other in amazement. Aragorn is in awe of her beauty, and Miss Arwen is in awe of the rugged good looks of the tall, muscular handsome Ranger.

FRODO Come sit in the living room, Miss Arwen.

He leads his teacher toward the sofa. The living room is immaculate with fresh flowers in a vase adorning the coffee table. Uncle Bilbo had given the house a thorough cleaning earlier that afternoon while dressed in his finest clothes and pearls, and right before preparing a ten course dinner all from scratch in honor of Miss Arwen's visit.

Gandalf and Uncle Bilbo come out of the kitchen to greet their guest. They spend a few minutes chatting. Soon it is time for dinner.

FRODO Take my arm, Miss Arwen. I'll escort you to the dining room.

MISS ARWEN My goodness, aren't you the perfect gentleman, Frodo.

Frodo smiles and she takes his arm.

SCENE: The dining room. Everyone is seated around the table.

Dinner starts out well. The conversation is pleasant. But as the evening progresses, Frodo notices the looks exchanged between Miss Arwen and Aragorn. He also notices that as Aragorn passes the bread to Miss Arwen the two of them briefly touch hands. Frodo notices there is an attraction between his teacher and the Ranger. Frodo feels a heavy lump in his throat. Suddenly he no longer feels hungry.

BILBO Well, who's ready for dessert? I made strawberry shortcake.

MISS ARWEN That sound delicious, Mr. Baggins. I'd love a piece.

BILBO I'll be right back with dessert.

FRODO May I please be excused? I don't feel very well.

GANDALF What's wrong, Frodo?

FRODO I just need to get some fresh air. I'll be right back.

Frodo rushes from the table and heads out to the backyard. He sits on the patio furniture and a tear rolls down his adorable Hobbit face. He sobs.

MISS ARWEN Oh, dear. I hope it's nothing serious.

ARAGORN Maybe I should go out there.

GANDALF No, Aragorn. You stay here. Let's leave the little fellow to himself for now. Hmmm. Miss Arwen, did you know that when I was a very young lad I once had a tremendous crush on my schoolteacher?

MISS ARWEN Really?

GANDALF Yes. She was the nicest, sweetest, most beautiful teacher I ever had. I never told her about my feelings for her. Lacked the courage, I guess.

MISS ARWEN (pauses and suddenly it dawns on her) Oh, dear. Oh, no. Poor Frodo!

ARAGORN Oh, no. The poor little guy.

MISS ARWEN I must go speak with him. Excuse me, please.

She gets up from the table and goes out to the backyard. She quietly approaches Frodo and sits beside him.

MISS ARWEN Frodo? Are you all right?

She hands him a clean handkerchief.

FRODO (takes the handkerchief and blows into it) Y-yes. Didn't you want to stay inside for dessert? Uncle Bilbo makes a delicious strawberry shortcake.

MISS ARWEN I'd enjoy it better if you could be there with us to have dessert. Frodo, may I tell you something?

FRODO Sure, Miss Arwen. You can tell me anything you like.

MISS ARWEN You're one of my very best students I've ever had the pleasure of instructing in all my years as a teacher. And you're also a very fine person. You're kind, well-mannered, hard-working, and very responsible. I'm very glad I know you.

FRODO Gee whiz, Miss Arwen. You mean it?

MISS ARWEN Yes, I certainly do mean it. If only I'd met you when I was a few years younger, I could really take a fancy to you. But I'm afraid I'll just have to settle for being your teacher. When you're all grown up, whoever ends up sharing your life with you will be one very lucky person.

FRODO Wow, Miss Arwen! You sure are swell!

MISS ARWEN Thank you, Frodo. Are you feeling well enough to come inside for some dessert?

FRODO I sure am! Uh, can I give you a hug?

MISS ARWEN I'd love a hug from you, Frodo.

They stand up and hug. She smiles. Then she has a puzzled look on her face. She turns and looks downward.

MISS ARWEN Uh, Frodo?

FRODO Yes, Miss Arwen?

MISS ARWEN You can take your hands off of my bottom now.

FRODO (grins sheepishly) Okay, Miss Arwen.

They go inside the house.

Meanwhile hiding way up in one of the tall trees in the backyard are Merry and Pippin.

MERRY Did you see that?

PIPPIN Sure I did! Did you hear all of that?

MERRY I sure did.

Suddenly they hear a loud cough from above. They look upward and see Legolas frowning at them.

LEGOLAS If you two boys know what's best for you, you'll climb down this tree quietly, go home and not make any trouble for Frodo and Miss Arwen. Or you'll both feel the sharpness of my arrows in your round little bottoms.

MERRY and PIPPIN (nervously) Yes, sir, Legolas. Uh, 'bye now. Gotta go.

They run home.

SCENE: The bedroom that Frodo and Aragorn share. Gandalf and Bilbo have wished them a good-night and closed the door.

FRODO (sleepily) Good-night, Aragorn.

ARAGORN Good-night, Frodo. Oh, I have to use the bathroom. I'll keep it quiet so as not to disturb you.

FRODO Thanks, Aragorn. Zzzzzzzzz.

Aragorn enters the bathroom to use the facilities. He finishes and then washes his hands. He hears a soft tap on the bathroom window. He opens it and sees the face of a beautiful blond Elf.

ARAGORN Legolas? What are you doing here?

LEGOLAS Do you think I'm blind? When are you planning to toss me aside for Frodo's teacher? Were you even going to tell me, or do you plan to juggle the both of us?

ARAGORN Shhhhhh! This is not a good time! You'll have to leave.

LEGOLAS Fine. But we WILL have this conversation, my little Ranger.

The Elf silently and quickly disappears.

Aragorn sighs.

SCENE: Miss Arwen's classroom at the end of the school day. The students have left. She is alone grading papers. There is a knock on the door, then it opens. Miss Arwen looks up and is surprised to see Aragorn.

MISS ARWEN Oh! Aragorn. What brings you here?

ARAGORN I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd walk Frodo home from school. I guess I must have missed him.

MISS ARWEN Yes. Class was dismissed fifteen minutes ago.

ARAGORN Oh. I see. Uh, how are you, Miss Arwen?

MISS ARWEN Fine, thank you. And you?

ARAGORN Couldn't be better.

He smiles and closes the door, then walks slowly toward her.

ARAGORN Is there anything I can help you with? Wash the blackboard? Clap erasers?

Miss Arwen smiles.

MISS ARWEN No, thank you, Aragorn. I'm almost finished here grading these papers. I'll be leaving soon.

Aragorn sits on the edge of her desk and smiles at her.

ARAGORN We enjoyed having you over for dinner last weekend. Bilbo and Gandalf could not stop raving about you and how much they enjoyed your company.

MISS ARWEN That's very nice to hear.

ARAGORN I noticed Principal Elrond escorting two of Frodo's classmates into his office when I was walking down the hall on my way here. Merry and Pippin. How are they doing in your class?

MISS ARWEN Fairly well. But I had to send them to see Principal Elrond because they're having trouble paying attention in my class.

ARAGORN I find that hard to believe. If I had a teacher like you, I would not be able to take my eyes off of you or stop listening to each and every word that comes from your lips. (slowly) Your soft . . . luscious . . . beautiful . . . lips.

Aragorn moves toward Miss Arwen. He gently cups her face in his hands. He leans forward and kisses her. She does not resist.

He releases her. There is an embarrassed silence between them. She feels flustered. They are both breathing hard.

MISS ARWEN I'd better leave now.

She quickly gathers together the papers on her desk and places them inside her briefcase. He places his hands over hers and stops her.

ARAGORN (softly) I'd really like to see you sometime soon, but not in school.

MISS ARWEN Perhaps that's not such a good idea. What if Frodo were to see us together? A schoolboy's crush can be very powerful, and I don't want to hurt him.

ARAGORN I care about Frodo, too. But we can't deny how we feel about each other. At least, I know I can't.

MISS ARWEN You're very sure of yourself, Ranger. How do you know how I feel about you? That is, if I even have any feelings for you?

Aragorn stares at her, then chuckles.

ARAGORN I see. You're going to play hard to get. Fine.

He turns and saunters toward the door, opens it, then turns to face her.

ARAGORN Good night, Miss Arwen.

He leaves and closes the door behind him.

She stares at the closed door.

MISS ARWEN Damn that Ranger!

She sits down in her chair, lowers her head on the desk and pouts to herself.

SCENE: The front stoop of Frodo's home. Frodo is sitting there tossing and catching a baseball. He sees Aragorn approaching.

FRODO Hi, Aragorn. How was your day?

ARAGORN Good. And yours?

FRODO I had a good day, too. Can't complain when I have Miss Arwen for a teacher. She's swell!

ARAGORN Yeah. Swell. I'm going inside. Are you coming in or staying out here?

FRODO I guess I'll come inside. Uncle Bilbo might have dinner ready soon.

ARAGORN Why don't you make yourself useful by washing your hands and setting the table? I'll see you in a few minutes.

FRODO Okay.

Aragorn heads upstairs to their bedroom. He enters, closes the door and suddenly feels himself pushed facedown onto his bed. A body covers his. He looks at the slender hands and wrists that are pinning down his hands.

ARAGORN Legolas, what are you doing in my room?

LEGOLAS Waiting for you. You certainly took a long time getting home. School let out over an hour ago. Where were you?

ARAGORN You're so smart. Why don't you figure it out?

LEGOLAS Do you really think it's a good idea to get involved with Frodo's teacher?

ARAGORN It's really none of your business.

LEGOLAS Oh, I think it is. (sniffs) You smell of flowery perfume. You were with her. Don't deny it.

ARAGORN Legolas, we need to talk.

LEGOLAS I totally agree. But not here. Not now.

ARAGORN All right. Where? When?

LEGOLAS I'll let you know. I have to go now. But you think over what you are risking by getting involved with Miss Arwen. Think very carefully.

Within seconds, Legolas disappears silently out the window.

Aragorn looks outside. Legolas is nowhere in sight.

ARAGORN (thinking to himself) How does he do that?

SCENE: The school athletic field of Mayfield, Middle Earth. Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir and Gimli are practicing with their weapons. Suddenly Aragorn notices a young attractive woman walking along the edge of the field and wielding a sword. She swings it back and forth with smooth precise movements.

ARAGORN Who is that?

LEGOLAS She must be the new physical education instructor for the girls.

GIMLI She appears to know how to handle a sword.

BOROMIR Wow! What a babe! Hmm. Maybe I'll give her a thrill and give her a taste of the famous Boromir charm that all the luscious ladies go for.

ARAGORN I'll go introduce myself. After all, I am team captain of the Rangers. Swords are my specialty.

BOROMIR Aragorn, why do you always get to be the captain?

ARAGORN (ignoring Boromir) Wait here, guys. I won't be long.

He walks over to the woman swinging the sword. She does not see him approaching. She swings her sword and would have struck Aragorn had he not stopped her with his own sword with his expert swing. Their eyes lock in a mesmerized gaze.

ARAGORN Not bad for a girl. I am Aragorn, the team captain of the Rangers.

EOWYN I'm a woman, not a girl. I am the girls' new physical education instructor. You may address me as Miss Eowyn. And I don't think I care for your patronizing attitude. 'Not bad for a girl.' From what cave did you just crawl?

ARAGORN My apologies. I'm not used to seeing a sword being wielded so well from a member of the fairer sex.

EOWYN Well, get used to it, buddy. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to practice my movements.

ARAGORN May I offer a few pointers? Just my way of showing good will to make up for any transgression I may have inadvertently committed.

EOWNY (pauses as she looks him up and down) Very well. But I doubt you can teach me something about swords that I don't already know.

Meanwhile Principal Elrond and his daughter Miss Arwen are leaving the school building. They are taking a short cut to the parking lot by cutting across the athletic field. Miss Arwen stops dead in her tracks when she sees Aragorn and Eowyn. He is standing closely behind Eowyn with his arms wrapped around her. His hands are guiding her hands as he shows her how to swing the sword. Miss Arwen can see their faces close together, so close that it would be very easy for Aragorn to steal a kiss from Eowyn.

MISS ARWEN Daddy, who is that woman over there with the Ranger?

PRINCIPAL ELROND Oh, that's right. You have not yet met the school's new physical education instructor for the girls. Come along. I'll introduce you to her.

SCENE: The school athletic field of Mayfield, Middle Earth. Principal Elrond and his daughter Miss Arwen approach Aragorn and Eowyn. The Ranger notices the pair approaching. He releases Eowyn from his embrace, much to Eowyn's disappointment. She was enjoying the feel of the Ranger's body warmth and the tempered steel-like muscles holding her closely.

PRINCIPAL ELROND Miss Eowyn, I'd like you to meet my daughter Arwen. She teaches the younger students, mostly Hobbits.

EOWYN How do you do?

MISS ARWEN Very well, thank you. And you?

EOWYN Just great. I really think I'm going to like it here.

Miss Arwen notices Eowyn smiling at Aragorn as she says this. Aragorn smiles back at Eowyn.

PRINCIPAL ELROND Miss Eowyn transferred here from Rohan. Their loss is our gain, I trust.

EOWYN Thank you, Principal Elrond.

She did not tell them that the main reason she transferred over was to get away from the creepy leers of Grima Wormtongue, the Counselor at the Rohan School. Her father Principal Theoden valued the advice Wormtongue gave him, even though Eowyn thought most of what Wormtongue told him was horse doo-doo.

EOWYN (thinking to herself) Maybe after I get to know these people better, I'll them why I really left Rohan. But it's too soon right now.

PRINCIPAL ELROND Well, we must be going now. See you in school tomorrow.

EOWYN Good night.

ARAGORN Good night, Principal Elrond. Good night, Miss Arwen.

MISS ARWEN Good night, all.

As Miss Arwen and her father walk toward their car, she glances back and sees Aragorn and Eowyn deep in conversation. Principal Elrond glances back and frowns slightly at the pair standing closely together as they laugh and talk.

PRINCIPAL ELROND Hmmm. Tomorrow I will have to issue a memorandum to the faculty about a new rule that will go into effect immediately.

MISS ARWEN New rule? What do you mean, Daddy?

PRINCIPAL ELROND No fraternizing between faculty members and students. We don't currently have a policy about that because the subject never came up. But now I think it's time I put one in place.

MISS ARWEN Oh.

Later that night Miss Arwen lay in her bed. She thinks about the new rule her father would be putting into effect about no fraternizing between faculty members and students.

MISS ARWEN (thinking to herself) What would Daddy have done if he had walked in on Aragorn and me in my classroom when we were kissing? Oh, dear.

She drifts off to sleep and dreams of being back in the classroom and reliving the moment when Aragorn spoke of her soft luscious lips right before he kissed her. But her dream does not end there. Arwen smiles like a cat who finished the last of the cream as she dreams that Aragorn swept all the papers from the top of her desk, then lifted her up, placed her on top of the desk, then made love to her right there in the classroom.

She moans in her sleep as she dreams of being held closely by the Ranger, his kisses running up and down her body.

The next morning Miss Arwen awakens happy. Then she feels sad when it dawns on her that it was only a dream.

SCENE: The following day at School of Mayfield, Middle Earth. The teachers are checking their mailboxes. Each teacher is given two copies of Principal Elrond's new rule about no fraternizing between faculty members and students. They are to keep one copy and sign and return the other copy to indicate they have read it and will abide by the rule.

Miss Arwen is reading her copy of the rule. She glances up and sees Miss Ewoyn reading the new rule. Miss Arwen studies the face of the girls' physical education instructor to see her reaction.

Miss Ewoyn frowns. She puts her paperwork in her tote bag and heads for the PE Department.

Miss Arwen looks at the clock. It is almost time for class to begin. She heads for her classroom.

Miss Ewoyn sees Aragorn and Legolas headed for the athletic field. Aragorn sees her and waves. She waves back and motions for him to wait for her.

ARAGORN Go on ahead, Legolas. I'll catch up in a few minutes.

LEGOLAS Don't be late.

The Elf walks out the door that leads to the athletic field.

MISS EWOYN Good morning, Aragorn.

ARAGORN Good morning, Miss Ewoyn.

She shows him her copy of the new rule. He reads it, then he hands it back to her.

ARAGORN Interesting.

MISS EWOYN Tell me, Aragorn. When will you be graduating?

ARAGORN If I pass all of my classes, I should receive my diploma and be out of here in June.

MISS EWOYN That's only three months away. After that this rule won't apply to us.

ARAGORN Us? There's an 'us'?

MISS EWOYN (frowns at him) Hmm. Do you always flirt with females and not mean anything by it? It's not nice to lead a woman on like that.

ARAGORN Miss Ewoyn, you have my most sincere apology if I have in any way led you to believe my intentions toward you were of a romantic or suggestive nature. I was merely being friendly and welcoming you to our school yesterday.

MISS EWOYN (coldly) I see. Well, I have a class to teach. Good day, Ranger.

She walks away and does not look back.

Aragorn watches her. He turns and goes to meet Legolas and the others out on the athletic field for the battle practice session.

He thinks about Ewoyn. He does find her attractive, but he does not want to pursue a relationship with her. His heart belongs to someone else, only he did not fully realize it until last night while he lay awake in his bed pondering his life and those whose lives had touched his.

ARAGORN (thinking to himself) Tonight is when I will make my true feelings clear to the one with whom I really want to be.

SCENE: That afternoon in the Public Library of Mayfield, Middle Earth. Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir and Gimli are having a study session to work on their term papers that will count toward a big part of their grades. Since they all want to graduate together without any of them being left back, they are working hard to do well on this assignment.

In the other end of the library we see a large hulking Uruk-Hai from the Isengard School. He is Lurtz. He, too, is working on his term paper, for it would be most embarrassing for an Uruk-Hai of his stature to have to repeat a school year. He plans to graduate in June.

BOROMIR I'm going to get a drink of water. Be right back.

The Son of Gondor walks down the hall toward the drinking fountain. Coming around the corner is Lurtz. They accidentally collide and knock each other down. Lurtz spills his papers and books.

LURTZ (growls menacing at Boromir)

BOROMIR Geez, Louise! Why don't you watch where you're -

He stops in mid-sentence when he sees Lurtz.

BOROMIR Uh, I mean, terribly sorry about that, Lurtz! I should have been looking where I was going, clumsy me!

Lurtz moves closer toward Boromir until his face is only four inches from Boromir's face. He gives a long drawn out growl. Boromir is trying not to show his fear.

Suddenly Lurtz looks up, quickly gathers his books and papers and sits down at a table and appears to be deeply engrossed in reading a library book.

Boromir is puzzled by the sudden change in Lurtz's behavior. He turns and notices Miss Buckram, the librarian. She is peering over her spectacles at Lurtz and Boromir. When she is certain that there will be no fighting in the library between those two, she returns to checking in a stack of returned library books.

Boromir sighs in relief. He knows from past experience that no one who values his or her own life would dare to break any of the library rules when Miss Buckram was around.

LURTZ (thinking to himself as he stares at Boromir walking away) Just you wait, Son of Gondor! We will meet again at the play-offs! I will have a special arrow with your name on it. Hmm. Think I'll add two more, just for good measure.

Boromir quickly joins Aragorn and the others at their table.

BOROMIR (whispering) Guess who's also here in the library?

ARAGORN Who?

BOROMIR The colossal hulk of the Isengard School!

ARAGORN Lurtz?

BOROMIR None other! I think just now I managed to get on his Open Up A Can of Whoop Ass List when I accidentally bumped into him.

ARAGORN I'd hate to be in your shoes, my friend.

Aragorn is having a little trouble concentrating on his studies, as he is also rehearsing in his mind how to tell the love of his life of his true feelings. He plans to do so tonight after dinner.

SCENE: Later that evening after dinner. Frodo is lying on his bed while he reads a comic book. Aragorn is polishing his sword. There is a knock on their door.

ARAGORN Come in.

The door opens. It is Bilbo.

BILBO Aragorn, your friend Boromir is downstairs. Were you expecting him tonight?

ARAGORN No. In fact, I was planning to go out tonight. I wonder what he wants?

BILBO He seems anxious to speak with you about something.

ARAGORN I'll go down and see him.

Suddenly Boromir pokes his head through the doorway, much to Bilbo's annoyance.

BILBO I thought I told you to wait downstairs.

BOROMIR My apologies, Mr. Baggins. I really need to speak with my good buddy Aragorn about something.

BILBO Well, don't stay long. You two boys have school tomorrow.

Bilbo leaves and heads downstairs.

BOROMIR (sees Frodo) Beat it, squirt!

FRODO Hey, this is MY bedroom, too! You can't kick me out!

BOROMIR Wanna bet?

ARAGORN Boromir, lay off of Frodo. What is it you wanted to tell me?

BOROMIR I don't want to tell you in front of the squirt. Can't you tell him to take a hike?

FRODO I'm still here! Don't talk about me like I'm not in the room!

ARAGORN Frodo, would you please excuse us while I have a private word with Boromir? I'm sorry to interrupt your reading. I promise it won't be long.

FRODO (glares at Boromir) Well, Aragorn, since you asked me so nicely, okay.

He takes his comic book and leaves the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

ARAGORN Okay, Boromir. What is it?

BOROMIR I have a really bad feeling about Lurtz. I think he's really out to get me.

ARAGORN Did he threaten you after you bumped into him in the library earlier today?

BOROMIR Not in so many words. He growled at me, but then Miss Buckram appeared, so he made like he was being the perfect well-behaved library patron and sat down to read.

ARAGORN Lucky for you. Well, you know you can count on me to help. I'll watch your back when we meet his team for the play-offs. And I'm sure you can also count on Gimli and Legolas for assistance.

BOROMIR Thanks, buddy. You're the greatest.

There is another knock on the door.

ARAGORN Come in.

The door opens. This time it is Gandalf.

GANDALF Aragorn, Principal Elrond just called. He needs you to meet him right away at the school. It's an emergency. His daughter Miss Arwen is over there working late. She's barricaded herself in his office and phoned her father because Orcs are there and are trying to attack her.

ARAGORN Orcs?!

GANDALF Miss Arwen overheard some noise coming from the gymnasium, so she went to see what it was. Orcs were vandalizing the place. They saw her, so she turned and ran.

ARAGORN Let's go!

BOROMIR Right behind you, buddy.

Aragorn grabs his sword and they rush downstairs.

FRODO Hey, where are you all going?

GANDALF You stay here, Frodo. It's too dangerous.

FRODO Uncle Bilbo told me what happened! I'm going, too! I'm not going to let anything happen to Miss Arwen! See?

Frodo shows them Sting.

ARAGORN Nothing we can say will stop you from following us, so we may as well let you come along. Hurry!

They all rush outside and jump into the car. It peels away toward the school.

GANDALF Principal Elrond has already called Gimli and Legolas. They are on their way to the school, too.

SCENE: The school of Mayfield, Middle Earth. Aragorn, Boromir, Frodo and Gandalf arrive. They find the front doors unlocked because Principal Elrond, Gimli and Legolas had arrived before them.

The doors to the gymnasium are open. It is strewn with toilet paper. The walls are covered in painted words: 'ORCS OF MORIA RULE!' and 'RANGERS ARE MAMA'S BOYS!'

Principal Elrond, Gimli, Legolas are with Miss Arwen in the office. The door to the office is broken off the hinges and is on the floor. There are no Orcs in sight.

ARAGORN Miss Arwen, are you all right?

MISS ARWEN Yes, thank you. Fortunately, Daddy keeps a spare sword here in his office. (shows everyone the sword she holds)

PRINCIPAL ELROND Yes, that and thanks also to the trap door I had installed recently here in my office.

He points to the opening in front of his desk.

PRINCIPAL ELROND Careful not to fall. This trap door comes in handy for when I have meetings with parents of problem students. Sometimes those parents have tunnel vision and only want to listen to their child's side of the story.

ARAGORN To where does the trap door lead?

PRINCIPAL ELROND That, my dear Ranger, is on a need to know basis. At the moment you don't really need to know.

ARAGORN So those Orcs all fell into that hole?

MISS ARWEN Yes, thank goodness.

Frodo goes over to Miss Arwen and takes her hand.

FRODO I'm so relieved to see that you're all right, Miss Arwen!

MISS ARWEN Thank you, Frodo. I'm touched that you all came to help.

PRINCIPAL ELROND Well, it's going to take a lot of work to clean the gymnasium. It's late. Let's deal with it in the morning. Come, daughter. Let's go home.

MISS ARWEN Yes, Daddy. Good night, everybody.

They leave the school. Aragorn decides to postpone revealing his true feelings to the love of his life, as it would be awkward to try to take his beloved aside privately with everyone around.

SCENE: The next morning in school. Boromir and Aragorn are surveying the damage done to the gym.

BOROMIR Aragorn, we're not going to let those Orcs get away with trashing our gym, are we?

ARAGORN What do you propose we do?

BOROMIR Trash their gym?

ARAGORN No. Let's be more creative.

BOROMIR Like what?

ARAGORN How about we steal their mascot? It'd be right before the big game.

BOROMIR I like it!

SCENE: Later that night Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Legolas, Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin are sneaking into the Moria School. It used to be a school for Dwarfs until it was taken over by Orcs.

FRODO What is their school mascot, Aragorn?

ARAGORN I don't know. Perhaps they have a donkey.

LEGOLAS It must be behind that door over there.

The Elf points to a very large door labeled with a sign that reads SCHOOL MASCOT.

BOROMIR Oh, ya think?

The Son of Gondor slowly opens the door and peeks into the room. Then he quickly slams the door shut.

BOROMIR They have a Cave Troll!

They quickly back away from the door. It is pushed open and the Cave Troll carrying a sledge hammer emerges. The creature is huge and very scary looking.

FRODO That's the mascot we're going to steal??!!

The Cave Troll starts swinging the sledge hammer.

ARAGORN Frodo! Run! All you Hobbits get out of here!

The battle ensues.

They defeat the Cave Troll. It lies dead on the floor in the lobby of the school.

ARAGORN So much for stealing their mascot. Killing it may have been taking it a step too far.

BOROMIR Hey, it was either that or end up as a Cave Troll's toe jam! Speaking for myself, I haven't grown tired yet of breathing and walking upright. Hey, Legsy, what are you doing?

LEGOLAS I am retrieving my arrows from the corpse. These are still perfectly good arrows.

ARAGORN Let's get out of here.

They flee, leaving the dead Cave Troll on the floor.

SCENE: The following weekend. Frodo is earning money by pulling weeds in Lady Galadriel's garden. She emerges from the back door of her house. Frodo looks up and sees her carrying a pitcher. She walks over toward the birdbath and empties the pitcher of water into the birdbath. She speaks to Frodo.

GALADRIEL Will you look into the mirror?

FRODO (thinking to himself) Mirror? It's a birdbath. What is she? Crackers? Oh, well. Better humor her since she's paying me to do this weeding.

He smiles and nods.

FRODO What will I see?

GALADRIEL What was. What is. What will be.

Frodo gazes into the water. He sees Miss Aragorn alone in her classroom. She is grading papers. The door opens and in walks Aragorn.

Frodo watches what transpires between the Ranger and his teacher. His heart shatters and tears well up in his eyes, then roll down his adorable Hobbit face.

Then he sees the gynnasium getting trashed with toilet paper and paint. Frodo is shocked when he sees who is doing it.

Frodo falls backward. He does not wish to see anymore that the mirror can reveal.

GALADRIEL I know what it was you saw, for that is also in my mind.

FRODO How could she? And how could he? He knows how I feel about her!

GALADRIEL You are in pain, little one. But do not despair. Time will be your friend, as it heals wounds such as the one you feel now.

FRODO I have to leave. I must see Aragorn.

GALADRIEL What will you tell him?

FRODO I'm not sure yet. I'll have to think carefully first.

GALADRIEL A wise decision. Do not rush to speak in anger. He does care about you.

FRODO Yes, he does. He's always looked out for me. I'll see you next week, Lady Galadriel.

He leaves her backyard and heads home.

SCENE: The Soda Shop. A popular hangout of the students. Boromir is speaking with a group of his classmates.

BOROMIR Now the only way this is going to work is if we ALL cooperate. Can I count on your votes?

TEEN BOY You bet, Boromir. I think it's a great plan.

TEEN GIRL Count me in, too.

BOROMIR Great! Well, that's the last of it. Come the night of the Senior Prom, we will all see the plan of a genius, yours truly, come together! And it will be a beautiful sight, believe you me!

SCENE: Frodo's home. He goes upstairs to the room he shares with the Ranger. He sees Aragorn reading a book. Frodo pauses. He still has not formed the right words in his mind to tell Aragorn he knows about the kiss that took place between him and Miss Arwen. Then he wonders if it would be better to say nothing. Who was he, a mere Hobbit, to stand in the way of their desire to be together?

ARAGORN Hello, Frodo. Back so soon from weeding Lady Galadriel's garden?

FRODO Uh, yeah. I'll go back there next week. I'm going to wash up for dinner. See ya.

ARAGORN Okay.

He smiles at Frodo, then goes back to reading his book.

SCENE: The home of Principal Elrond and Miss Arwen. Miss Arwen is doing needlepoint and thinking quietly to herself. She wonders if her father suspects anything about that night the gymnasium was trashed. She thinks back to that night and how she had very carefully made sure not to get any paint on herself when she painted the words on the wall and strewn toilet paper all over the gym. Her plan was to make Aragorn think she was in danger so that he would rush over to rescue her, then his feelings for her would surface again and she would again experience the joy of being held in his strong muscular arms and then he would kiss her. She didn't care about her father's rule about no fraternizing between faculty members and students. She yearns for Aragorn and is willing to defy her father. But her plan failed.

SCENE: Back at Frodo's home. Frodo is thinking to himself as he washes his hands. That night when they had rushed over to the school they had not seen any Orcs who supposedly had trashed the gym and were supposedly trying to get at Miss Arwen who had barricaded herself in her father's office. Lady Galadriel's mirror had revealed to him what had really happened that night. But he does not understand why his teacher did all that. And what of the Cave Troll? Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir and Gimli killed the Orcs's mascot to get back at them for something they did not do. Frodo feels extremely guilty about that.

SCENE: Weeks later. Senior Prom Night. The gymnasium is beautifully decorated. Everyone is dressed in formal wear. Music plays and everyone dances. Gandalf, Bilbo, Principal Elrond, Miss Arwen, Miss Eowyn and a few other faculty members are there as chaperones. Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin are there, too. They are working at the refreshment stand.

Aragorn steps up to the podium. He turns on the microphone.

ARAGORN Attention, everyone. I'd like to make an announcement, please.

Everyone hushes and turns to face Aragorn.

ARAGORN We've come a long way over the past few years to finally make it here to this very special night. I just want to say what I'm sure many of you are thinking. We're very sad that my best friend Boromir could not be here with us. If he can hear and see us know, I know he'd want us to remember the good times we shared with him and to celebrate those moments with joy and laughter. So let's honor the memory of our dearly departed classmate and good friend Boromir, the Son of Gondor.

The entire roomful of people turn and gaze at the large framed portrait of Boromir that hangs on the wall. It is surrounded by beautiful flowers.

Aragorn thinks of that day when he saw Boromir killed by Lurtz at the big game. Three arrows, one by one pierced the body of the Son of Gondor before Aragorn was able to hurl himself at Lurtz and knock him down. Decapitating Lurtz gave the Ranger only a moment of satisfaction, but it could not bring back Boromir. He had wept for his friend, as did Gimli and Legolas.

What Aragorn does not know is that the plan that Boromir had put into place weeks ago was about to come together. All the other classmates kept their promise to not breathe a word of it, so as not to spoil the surprise.

After an hour of dancing and music, Principal Elrond stepped up the podium.

PRINCIPAL ELROND It is now time to announce the Prom King!

Everyone hushes and turns to face Principal Elrond.

Gimli hands a piece of paper to the principal.

PRINCIPAL ELROND This year's Prom King is. . . ARAGORN!

Everyone claps and cheers. Aragorn is startled. He smiles and walks up to the podium. Miss Arwen places a crown on his head and a royal cape around his broad muscular shoulders. She smiles at him and plants a soft kiss on his cheek. Principal Elrond raises one eyebrow at that, but says nothing.

PRINCIPAL ELROND And now it is time to announce the Prom Queen!

Gimli hands a second piece of paper to the principal.

PRINCIPAL ELROND This year's Prom Queen is. . . LEGOLAS??!!

Legolas does a double-take.

LEGOLAS How can this be? I didn't even run for Prom Queen!

Everyone claps and cheers. They urge Legolas to step up to the podium. He slowly does. The Elf feels embarrassed, but he smiles and decides to be a good sport about this.

PRINCIPAL ELROND Legolas, according to the results of the ballot count, you won by a landslide!

Miss Eowyn approaches with a tiara which she places on Legolas's head. She also hands him a huge bouquet of beautiful red roses.

Aragorn and Legolas look sheepishly at each other. They had no idea this would happen tonight.

PRINCIPAL ELROND Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the senior class Prom King and Queen! They will now dance together.

Everyone again claps and cheers.

ARAGORN (whispers to Legolas) I've been meaning to talk to you about us. But the time never seemed right.

LEGOLAS (whispers back to Aragorn) How about while we're dancing?

Aragorn smiles and nods. The music plays a slow number and they dance.

Aragorn notices someone making his way through the crowd. For a moment the Prom King thinks he sees the ghost of Boromir. Then he realizes the person he sees bears a strong resemblance to Boromir, but it's not his dearly departed friend.

After the dance Aragorn and Legolas go over to the one who resembles Boromir and introduce themselves.

ARAGORN And to whom do we have the pleasure of speaking?

PRINCIPAL ELROND Ah, Aragorn and Legolas. Allow me introduce you to Faramir, the brother of Boromir.

FARAMIR A pleasure to meet you both. My brother told me so much about you.

ARAGORN Boromir did mention once that he had a brother, but that you lived outside of Mayfield. Are you here at this dance alone?

FARAMIR No, actually I'm meeting my date here. Oh, there she is.

Miss Eowyn smiles and comes over. Faramir embraces her.

FARAMIR You look beautiful tonight. May I have this dance?

MISS EOWYN You may, kind sir.

Frodo sees Miss Arwen standing off to the side drinking some punch. He walks over to her.

MISS ARWEN Hello, Frodo. What do you think of the Prom?

FRODO It's going very well. Looks great, sounds great and everyone looks like they're having a good time.

MISS ARWEN The King and Queen look very happy together. I could tell while they were dancing.

FRODO Yes, they do. Miss Arwen, if you ever need a friend to talk to about anything that's troubling you, I hope you won't hesitate to come to me. I'll always be there for you.

Miss Arwen stares at the Hobbit and smiles.

MISS ARWEN Frodo, you are a dear special person. I'm honored to know you. And I'll keep in mind what you just said now.

She gives Frodo a hug.

FRODO May I have this dance, Miss Arwen?

MISS ARWEN You certainly may.

THE END