First Meeting 2: Mishaps in Mayfield, Middle Earth

by Jeanster

Pairing: Aragorn/Legolas

Rating: PG-13

Catagory: humor

Note: My fanfiction parody of Leave it to Beaver, LOTR-style

Summary: This story takes place right after 'First Meeting' and before 'Leave It To Frodo'.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Leave It To Beaver and/or The Lord of the Rings.

First Meeting 2: Mishaps in Mayfield, Middle Earth

by Jeanster

SCENE: Legolas' apartment. Aragorn and Legolas are in the bedroom. They are basking in the afterglow of having shared their first intimate time together.

ARAGORN (thinking to himself) I can't remember ever being so happy before. I don't want this time to end. I just want to relive what I just experienced with Legolas over and over and over again. What is it about this Elf that makes me feel this way? None of the girls I've been with ever had this effect on me.

LEGOLAS Aragorn, may I ask you something?

ARAGORN Of course. What is it?

LEGOLAS What was it in the Boys' Locker Room that you wanted to show me that first day we met?

Aragorn laughs.

LEGOLAS Come on, let me in on the joke. What was it? You said something about 'they must have moved it'. Who are 'they' and what was 'it' that was moved?

ARAGORN No one. And nothing. It was just a ruse to get you alone with me in that room.

LEGOLAS (smiling) And why would you want to do that?

ARAGORN So I could do this.

The Ranger pulls the Elf close to him and kisses him passionately while gently caressing his body. They finish kissing.

LEGOLAS So why didn't you?

ARAGORN I was afraid it would freak you out and you'd have nothing to do with me anymore. I didn't want to risk that.

Legolas stares at Aragorn for a few moments before speaking.

LEGOLAS I honestly don't know how I would have reacted if you had kissed me in the locker room. We had only met a couple of hours before that. I'm not easy, I'll have you know.

ARAGORN Of course you're not. I'd never think that of you.

LEGOLAS Really? Did it upset you to find Haldir here with me?

ARAGORN I wasn't going to bring that up.

LEGOLAS I don't want you to get the wrong idea. Haldir is a friend. He stopped by just a few minutes before you arrived. Nothing happened.

ARAGORN You don't owe me any explanation about that.

LEGOLAS I know that. But I just want you to know I don't jump from one guy to another.

ARAGORN Why are you here with me? I'm thrilled, of course. But I'd like to know why I deserve to enjoy your charms.

LEGOLAS (teasing) Hey, you're Captain of the Rangers. If I'm going to shag a fella from school, it may as well be the Big Man On Campus, right?

ARAGORN (feigning hurt feelings) You wound me. I thought you wanted me just for myself. Turns out you just want me for my social status.

They laugh and begin another session of snogging, cuddling and playfully romping together under the sheets.

SCENE: A house in another part of Mayfield, Middle Earth. We see an attractive looking teenage girl admiring herself in the mirror. She is dressed in a cheerleader's outfit. Her name is Lila. She is the last girl Aragorn dated before he met Legolas. The phone rings. She answers it.

LILA Oh, hi, Cheryl. Yes, I just got back from visiting my grandparents. It's nice to be back. I figure a couple of weeks away would give Aragorn time to miss me. He must be pining for me, the big lug. I'll bet when I see him in school first thing Monday morning he'll sweep me up in his strong arms, kiss me and give me his school jacket to wear! Maybe he'll even pin me! Why not? I am the school cheerleader. And I'm gorgeous. He's lucky I even give him the time of day, much less date him. Oh, gotta go. I hear my mom calling me to dinner. 'Bye, Cheryl.

SCENE: Monday morning. Aragorn is walking to school. He is still thinking of Legolas. The Ranger stops by a large oak tree. He pulls out a small dagger and carves something in the bark of the tree: A+L 4ever. Then he carves a heart around the message. He stands back to read it, smiles, then continues walking to school. What he does not see is Lila across the street. She waits until the Ranger is far away down the block, then she crosses the street to see what he had carved in the tree.

LILA (thinking to herself) Oh, my goodness! He's got it bad! Aragorn loves me!

She squeals to herself and runs down the street to catch up with Aragorn.

LILA Aragorn! Wait up!

Aragorn turns to see who is calling him.

ARAGORN (thinking to himself) Lola? Lisa? Lucy? Oh, Lila.

LILA (grabs his arm and grins at him) You big lug! How are you? Did you miss me? Of course, you did! Those must have been the longest two weeks you ever had to endure without your precious Lila.

ARAGORN Uh, hello, Lila. You were away?

LILA (stares at him) Oh! A joke! Right. Very funny. Ha-ha. Well, now that I'm back, we can pick up where we left off. Where shall we go tonight?

ARAGORN Tonight?

LILA Oh, don't tell me you can't go out just because it's a school night. Oh, all right. We'll go out on Friday night. Better? Good. We'll work out the details about where we'll go and what we'll do. Oh, gotta run. There's Cheryl. Call me!

She runs off leaving Aragorn staring at her in confusion.

2

SCENE: The oak tree in which Aragorn carved his message earlier. Merry and Pippin are on their way to school when they stop by the tree.

MERRY Don’t look now, but Frodo and Sam are a couple of blocks behind us.

PIPPIN So?

MERRY Just follow my lead!

Merry climbs up the oak tree, followed by Pippin.

PIPPIN Why are we up here?

MERRY I have a couple of water balloons ready in my backpack for this very occasion!

Pippin grins and nods. They watch as Frodo and Sam walk closer. Just as the Ringbearer and Sam are right below them, the two Hobbits up in the oak tree feel the branches grip them tightly around their throats so they cannot speak or cry out. Frodo and Sam continue on their way, totally oblivious to the predicament of Merry and Pippin.

OAK TREE Well, well, well. Isn’t this simply a fine howdy-do? I wake up from a good night’s sleep to feel my trunk has been defaced! WTF??!! Do either of you know anything about why my beautiful bark has something carved into it? Well? Say something!

Merry and Pippin panic and point to their throats to indicate they cannot speak.

OAK TREE Oh, sorry about that. Silly me.

The oak tree loosens its grip on their throats.

OAK TREE Now talk!

MERRY (gasping for air) It wasn’t us! Honest! We don’t know anything about any carvings on your bark!

PIPPIN (coughing) That’s right! Honest! We just climbed up here to throw water balloons on some friends of ours! We’d never carve your trunk!

OAK TREE So you admit you’d pull a juvenile prank, that is, hit your friends with water balloons, but you’d never carve a tree trunk, which is something that a juvenile delinquent would have no qualms about doing at all!

MERRY That’s right!

Just then Legolas appears. He is on his way to school and he notices Merry and Pippin in the grip of the talking oak tree.

LEGOLAS Good morning, all. Is there a problem?

3

Scene: The Oak Tree who is holding Merry and Pippin. Legolas is there looking up at the two Hobbits.

OAK TREE Is there a problem, you ask? I'll say there is. Hang on. You're an Elf, aren't you?

LEGOLAS Yes, I am. I am Legolas. Who are the little ones you have up there?

MERRY I'm Merry!

PIPPIN I'm Pippin! Get us out of here!

OAK TREE I'm the Oak Tree who woke up this morning to find something carved into my trunk. And these two might know something about it.

Legolas looks closely at the message carved into the bark. He smiles.

LEGOLAS I think I may know who really did this. Mind you, it's just a hunch, but if you would be good enough to give me until the end of the day, I may be able to bring to you the one who really did this. An apology should be forthcoming. I'm sure these Hobbits had nothing to do with it.

OAK TREE Well, since you're an Elf, I'll go along with that. We trees have always gotten along well with you Elves, what with you being so one with nature and all that. But you have until the end of the day.

LEGOLAS Agreed.

The Oak Tree releases Merry and Pippin. They climb down and turn to Legolas to thank him.

MERRY Thank you, thank you, thank you!

PIPPIN Yes, thank you! What can we do to repay you?

LEGOLAS Let's just say you each owe me a favor payable to me whenever I say.

MERRY You've got it!

PIPPIN Yes! One favor from each of us!

LEGOLAS Now run along to school before you'll be late.

The two Hobbits run off as fast as their hairy feet can carry them.

LEGOLAS Well, I'd better see about investigating this mystery. I'll see you tonight, Oak Tree.

OAK TREE See you then.

Legolas smiles as he continues on his way to school.

LEGOLAS (thinking to himself) That Oak Tree is right between Aragorn's house and our school. I'll bet anything it was that Ranger who made that carving. Guess I had a powerful effect on him this past Saturday afternoon.

Scene: The classroom. Legolas takes his seat. The other students are slowing filing into the room. There are still a few minutes before class begins.

LEGOLAS (thinking to himself) Where is Aragorn? Maybe he's at his locker.

Suddenly an attractive teen girl approaches Legolas. She stands next to his seat and stares at him, tapping her foot on the floor and frowns at him.

LEGOLAS Good morning. Can I help you?

LILA Yes. Get out of my seat, pretty boy.

LEGOLAS Your seat? You must be mistaken. The instructor assigned this seat to me last week.

LILA I don't care what the instructor did. This is MY seat. I go away for two weeks and come back to find a stranger in my seat? Move it or lose it.

Just then the instructor enters the room.

INSTRUCTOR Lila, good to have you back. Did you enjoy your two weeks at your grandparents' home?

LILA Yes, I did, thank you. Could you please tell this Elf to move? This is MY seat.

INSTRUCTOR I'm afraid I can't do that, Lila. While you were away I've given the class a new project where the students have to pair up. Legolas and Aragorn will be working together, so it would be best that they sit where they are. You can sit next to Cheryl at the back of the room.

LILA (surprised) But --

INSTRUCTOR (interrupting her) And you need to catch up on two weeks' worth of homework, so please stay after class so I can give you the paperwork on that. You'll be very busy, Lila, so it won't leave you much free time for a while. But you're a bright student. I'm sure you'll be able to buckle down and complete your homework assignments.

Lila scowls as she turns and goes to sit with Cheryl at the back of the room. Aragorn enters the classroom and sits next to Legolas.

About an hour later the bell rings. Class is dismissed. As the students file out of the room, Lila stops by Aragorn. She smiles at him.

LILA Hello, Aragorn. I just wanted you to know how flattered I am to know how you feel about me. I saw you carving our initials into that oak tree this morning.

Legolas looks at Lila, then at Aragorn.

ARAGORN Our initials?

LILA Yes, you big lug! 'Aragorn and Lila forever!' I've got to rush off to gym class, but I'll see you later.

She blows him a kiss as she leaves the room.

Aragorn turns to Legolas.

ARAGORN It's not what you think, I swear!

LEGOLAS How do you know what I'm thinking?

ARAGORN She means nothing to me. You have to believe that.

LEGOLAS (smiling) I believe you. But she needs to hear it from you. It wouldn't be fair to her to let her continue thinking you two are a couple.

ARAGORN You're right. I'll have to break up with her.

LEGOLAS Be gentle.

ARAGORN I'll do my best. I hope she'll take it well.

But knowing Lila as well as he does, Aragorn doubts it.

end part 3