The Fellowship and the Fairy Tale World
Author: Jeanster
Pairing(s): Aragorn/Legolas
Rating: PG, humor
Summary: Rift opens between Middle Earth and the world of fairy tales
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these Tolkien characters or any of the classic fairy tale characters. Please don't sue me.
Feedback: Yes, please
Archive: Sure, why not
Authors Note: This is the slash version of my fanfic 'The Fellowship and the Fairy Tale'
The Fellowship and the Fairy Tale World
By Jeanster
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Diary of Saruman
Palintir revealed strange rift opening between this world and one of a (get this!) fairy tale world. Very odd characters from that world wandering into Middle Earth. Oh, well. Just more victims for my orcs to slaughter.
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Diary of Cinderella
Back to life of drudgery. Some fairy godmother! Midnight deadlines? What kind of fairy godmother has time limits on her magic spells? To whom do I complain about this?
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Diary of Prince in Search of She Whose Foot Fits in the Glass Slipper
Searched just about every household in the kingdom. Had no idea there were so many homely, desperate women out there. Where is that beautiful mysterious princess who stole my heart that other night at the ball? I must find her!
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Diary of the Mirror on the Wall
Queen fit to be tied today. Asked me again, as she has every single day since she bought me at that flea market, who is the fairest of them all. Had to tell her something different today because strange rift opened between our world and another. Am now aware of one far more beautiful than vain queen: one nancing blond elf named Legolas Greenleaf. Queen did not take it well. She sent for her favorite assassin: Woodsman with his trusty ax.
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Diary of Legolas
What a day. Where do I begin to record strange events? Somewhat attractive prince from far away land crossed paths with our Fellowship. Carried a glass slipper. Who wears glass slippers? Not only uncomfortable, but very tacky. Never catch elves wearing such stupid footwear.
Prince took one look at me, dropped glass slipper and it shattered. Said something about to hell with mysterious princesses who won't even leave a name or address. Then he dropped down to one knee and begged me to run away with him.
Glanced over at Aragorn. He looked like he wanted to kill that prince. Aragorn pulled out his sword and told that prince to take a hike, and then he said (I quote), "Stay away from my elf!"
Oh, so now he cares? Tried last night to get him to discuss our relationship and where it was going. High and mighty Ranger got all evasive on me, saying we should be focusing on our quest to help Ring-Bearer take ring to Mt. Doom. Oh, why does he toy with my feelings like that? Sometimes he makes me believe I'm all he desires. Other times he makes me feel like I'm just a temporary diversion while he ponders his feelings for Arwen.
So the prince who dropped the glass slipper left. Thought I heard him sobbing as he rode off on his horse.
Then another suitor tried to court me, much to Aragorn's dismay. A strong, hunky woodsman. Odd method of courting, though. First he came charging at me with his ax, as if about to chop me into Elven pate. Then he stopped, stared at me, lowered his ax and dropped down to one knee. Can you guess what he did next? Yep, just like the prince with the glass slipper, he begged me to run away with him. Aragorn looked like he was going to burst a blood vessel; he was so jealous. Almost cute when he gets that way. Aragorn told the woodsman to take a hike, like he did with the prince.
Must speak to Aragorn about his possessiveness. An elf needs some space, after all. Don't need to feel smothered.
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Diary of Saruman
So thankful I have Palintir! Laughing so hard that I'm crying! Nancing elf being courted by strange men from that other world. Reaction from the Ranger is priceless! Hey, serves Aragorn right for stringing along that nancing elf! *snicker!* This is better than cable!
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Diary of Aragorn
I can't take that elf anywhere! Strange suitors keep coming out of the woodwork trying to steal Legolas away from me! Maybe it's time I made a commitment to him. Aargghh! That maddening elf! His beauty is intoxicating to me! But what about Arwen? Arrgghh! Must focus on quest! Must protect Ring-Bearer! Must keep other suitors from touching my elf! Aargghh! The stress!
CHAPTER TWO
Diary of Pinocchio
Unnerving experience earlier today. Met pair of strangers who introduced themselves as Hobbits named Merry and Pippin. Chatted for a while. When they saw what happens to my nose whenever I tell a fib, they got all excited. Wanted me to lie on ground so they could take turns sitting on my face while I tell fibs.
Ugh! Pervy Hobbits! I ran back home.
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Diary of the Queen Who Wants To Be Fairest Of Them All
Situation unacceptable. Who would have thought my favorite assassin is pervy elf-fancier? Sent team of royal guards to arrest woodsman so I can have him executed for failing to carry out assignment.
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Diary of the Wife of the Woodsman
I'll take it all! Children, house, furniture! How dare he lust after another?
Just how beautiful can an elf possibly be? If I didn't have to spend past ten years raising children, cooking all our meals, cleaning our house from top to bottom, and doing laundry, I could be beautiful, too! I'd have time for fitness gyms, day spas and beauty salons!
Commotion outside. Group of strangers walking past our house. Four little ones with big, hairy feet, one hairy dwarf, two men and one nancing elf. Nancing elf? OMIGOD! Not even when I was a mere lass of nineteen did I even look half as beautiful as that nancing elf does now! Want to cry! It's not fair!
No wonder my husband wants to leave me for him!
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Diary of Gimli
Thought it would be nice to bond with other dwarfs from strange world. Not going to happen. Turns out all seven of them fancy our nancing elf.
Aragorn is not going to like it.
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Diary of Saruman
This just keeps getting better and better. Palintir showed me latest uproar in that fairy tale world. Apparently there are no straight men there; just men who have yet to meet Legolas. So far every male from that world who has gazed upon the beauty of that nancing elf has then dumped his wife or girlfriend. There are now reports of grumbling among those males as they plot how to get rid of Aragorn.
Will have Orcs hold off on attacking Fellowship for now. Want to see if fairy tale men can do away with Aragorn. Much more entertaining this way.
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Diary of the Queen Who Wants To Be Fairest Of Them All
Situation grows even more unacceptable. My team of royal guards consists entirely of pervy elf-fanciers. They have joined woodsman and other males throughout fairy tale world to plot how to win love of that nancing elf and do away with jealous Ranger.
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Diary of Aragorn
Legolas's group of admirers has grown. They follow us, but keep their distance. Every time we turn to look at them, they stop, whistle while looking up at sky and trees, kick pebbles and pretend they are not following us. Insult to our intelligence.
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Diary of Cinderella
Have been appointed leader of newly formed support group of maidens, ladies, princesses and queens throughout fairy tale world. Purpose is to discuss ways to deal with being completely affection-starved now that every male in our world has left us for the infamous nancing elf.
Agenda for next meeting:
Venting and Ranting
Refreshments
Fashion Tips
Beauty Tips
Controversial Topic: Shall We Now Become Lesbians?
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Diary of Aragorn
Captured by Legolas's jealous suitors. Careless of me. Was too busy arguing with him about our relationship when a group of them jumped me. Then another group grabbed my elf, shoved him into a cage on wheels and took him away. I know not where they have taken my beloved elf.
Group of jealous suitors apparently led by that prince who earlier had glass slipper. He offered to spare my life on condition I share Legolas with each and every one of them. Otherwise, they will hang me.
In order to buy time, I told them that would be up to Legolas, as he decides for himself with whom he wants to be. The prince pondered that and agreed. Then told me that if Legolas refuses to allow each and every one of them to have a turn with him, they will hang me.
Gee, I hope Legolas isn't too angry with me for our earlier argument. What am I saying? I don't want Legolas to give himself to these men! Must find way out of this!
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Diary of Boromir
Aragorn and Legolas have been captured! Who would have thought a bunch of elf-fanciers from a fairy tale world would be able to pull that off?!
Time to get into rescue mode.
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Diary of Legolas
Captured by large group of aggressive suitors. Locked me in cage. Normally, I would find this to be kinky, but I do not know what these strangers have in mind. And what have they done to Aragorn? Where is he?
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Diary of Frodo
Oh, no! Our quest may fail! Aragorn and Legolas have been captured! To arms, my fellow Hobbits, to arms! We must not leave our friends to unspeakable torment and death!
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Diary of Sam
We must now go and rescue Aragorn and Legolas. But first must pry Merry and Pippin away from that strange wooden puppet with growing nose.
Puppet was most happy to see us leave.
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CHAPTER THREE
Diary of Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk
Being chased by angry giant. If I hurry, I can make it down magic beanstalk before he catches up with me. This magic goose and magic harp better fetch me lots of cash to make this adventure worthwhile! Going to be tricky carrying all this loot while climbing down beanstalk.
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Diary of Legolas
The head of my captors told me I must give myself to each and every one of them, otherwise they will hang Aragorn. Unacceptable! I demanded they release us and allow us to continue on our very important quest. They laughed and said they care nothing about our quest. Repeated their demand that I give myself to each and every one of them, otherwise they will hang Aragorn. In order to buy time, I said I would agree only on the condition they allow me to see Aragorn so that I may grant him one last request. They reluctantly agreed.
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Diary of Aragorn
My captors brought me to see Legolas locked in that cage on wheels. Legolas asked me if I had any last request of him before he gives himself to each and every one of our captors to do with as they please. Was too stunned to say anything, so my beautiful elf offered to sing one last song for me. Ah, his melodious voice! So magnificent! As he sang, our captors stood in awe and savored the beauty of his singing.
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Diary of Boromir
We are closing in on the fairy tale men who captured Aragorn and Legolas! They outnumber us, but with the element of surprise on our side, we might succeed.
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Diary of Frodo
Singing! I hear singing! Legolas must be near! He's alive! I recognize that beautiful voice! We're coming, Legolas!
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Diary of Aragorn
A giant! A huge giant suddenly appeared, reached down and picked up Legolas imprisoned in that cage on wheels and carried him away! Oh, no! My beloved Legolas! Where is that giant taking him?
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Diary of the Mirror on the Wall
My, my. This is getting interesting. The elf-fanciers from our world are reeling from the shock of seeing their captured prize snatched from their midst by a huge giant. I wonder they'll do now? There goes the giant climbing back up the beanstalk. And he's taking the elf with him, cage and all. Oh, the look on the faces of those fairy tale men is priceless! Serves them right!
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Diary of Aragorn
Afraid of heights? All of these fairy tale men who captured us are afraid of heights? That's why they won't go after the giant who has taken Legolas? Cowards! I demanded they untie me so that I can go after Legolas and rescue him! They talked about it amongst themselves, then relucantly agreed.
I convinced them to give me Legolas's weapons they had taken from him earlier, as we might need these to escape from the giant.
They said they would wait at the bottom of the beanstalk to take Legolas back into custody after I rescue him. That's what they think! Fat chance I'm going to let them get their filthy hands (or any other parts of their bodies) on my elf!
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Diary of Boromir
Arrived just in time to see Aragorn about to climb a monstrous beanstalk. He said a giant took Legolas up there. We offered to go up with him to rescue the elf.
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Diary of Gimli
A giant beanstalk? What a strange twist this adventure has taken! But we must rescue the elf, much as I hate to admit we need him for our quest.
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Diary of Pippin
Ooh, a giant beanstalk! I imagine just one bean from this plant would be enough for an elevensie!
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Diary of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
That little thief may have stolen my magic goose and my magic harp, but the beautiful singing from this caged elf more than makes up for my loss. He stopped singing when I reached down and picked him up in his cage. Poor little thing must be frightened. What can I do to put him at ease so that he may sing for me again?
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Diary of Legolas
I do not believe how this day keeps getting worse and worse! What does this giant want from me? Is he going to eat me? What's that giant black cauldron in the fireplace for? Aagghh!
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Diary of Saruman
Fairy tale men failed to do away with Aragorn. But the Ranger and his friends are no match for that huge giant who took Legolas! Why, he could crush the whole lot of them with one step of his foot! Oh, yes, I'd pay money to see that happen!
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Diary of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
Was able to put elf at ease. Having nice, civilized conversation. He told me of the important quest he was on to save world from destruction. Interrupted by surprise visit from my very young niece. Had to stop her from grabbing the elf, as she thought it was a toy fashion doll and wanted to comb his long blond hair and change his clothes. She pouted when I sternly told her the elf was off limits. I sent her home and told her to let me know ahead of time when she wants to visit.
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Diary of Aragorn
We finally made it up to the top of the beanstalk. Everything up here is huge. That castle over there must be where the giant lives. We paused for just a moment to think of what dangers we might face in there. Then we bravely moved toward the castle. We're coming, Legolas!
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Diary of the Niece of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
My uncle won't let me play with that pretty blond dolly he has. Meanie! Sent me home. Oh, but lookie! A whole bunch of cute little ones running over here! Oh, they see me! They're stopping. Now they're running away from me! Aaww! Come back! I just want to play with you! You can all live in my dollhouse! And maybe I can get my uncle to let his pretty blond dolly live in my dollhouse, too!
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Diary of Aragorn
Being chased by a giant female child! She looks very determined to scoop up the whole lot of us! Must hurry to escape capture! Oh, no! She's got us! NO!!!!!
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Diary of Boromir
NO!!!!!
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Diary of Frodo
NO!!!!!
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Diary of Sam
NO!!!!!
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Diary of Gimli
NO!!!!!
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Diary of Merry
NO!!!!!
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Diary of Pippin
NO!!!!!
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Diary of the Niece of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
YES!!!!!
CHAPTER FOUR
Diary of the Niece of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
My new dollies won't stay where I put them in my dollhouse. They keep running around and trying to leave. Bad dollies!
Time for dollies to be a family. The four little dollies can be the children, and this tall one can be the daddy, and this other tall one can be the mommy. Hmmm. Mommy with a beard? Oh, well. If I put this dress on the dolly, maybe it'll look more like a mommy. And this funny-looking short one with large beard can be the cook.
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Diary of Boromir
Why do I have to wear the dress?
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Diary of Gimli
Why did giant female child put me in this room with all this fake food? What I am supposed to do with it?
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Diary of Aragorn
This has to be some horrible nightmare from which we must awaken! And what of my beloved Legolas? Oh, what unspeakable torment and pain might my beautiful elf be suffering at the hands of that terrible giant? My poor Legolas!
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Diary of Legolas
Ah! More food and drink! What gracious host giant is! Even provided me with comfortable giant pillow on which I can rest during my visit here.
Giant is actually very nice. Does not seem to have any intention of harming me. Told me interesting stories of other giants, particularly one currently working for company that sells packaged vegetables and fruits.
Told me I am his guest, not his prisoner, so I am free to leave whenever I want. But warned me of dangerous creatures outside his castle, such as giant birds, giant rodents and giant cats.
Working on plan to safely leave this place and return to Fellowship. I wonder where they are now. And where is Aragorn?
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Diary of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
Brainstorming with elf on how we can get him safely back to his friends so that they can continue on their important quest. Pointed out to him that those men who captured him earlier might still be waiting for him down below at bottom of beanstalk.
Suppose I could just accompany elf down beanstalk and intimidate those men with my size and strength. Would be easy to convince them to leave elf and rest of Fellowship alone.
Possibly could even take it one step further by offering to take ring over to Mt. Doom and drop it down into the volcano. Piece of cake for giant like me. Would take me only fraction of time to cover distance it would take these little creatures.
Too bad it would go against unspoken rule of interfering with prime directive. No point trying to explain that to elf. He wouldn't understand, nor would his friends.
Besides, strange rift due to close anytime soon. Need to get beings on their own side of rift before closure is complete, or it could get very messy.
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Diary of Saruman
What kind of giant is he?! Do the words 'Fee, fie, foe, fum' mean nothing to him?
Useless, that's what he is! Completely useless!
Look at him! Disgraceful! He should be scaring elf, not being friends with him! And he should be squashing rest of Fellowship with his giant feet!
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Diary of Aragorn
The giant female child seems to have become bored with us. Is looking cross. Said something about how she wishes her mean uncle would have let her have his 'new pretty dolly with long blond hair'. Hang on! Pretty dolly with long blond hair? Could it be her uncle is same giant who took my beloved elf?
Fat lot of good that theory is going to do. How do we get to that giant? She said he was mean! If he's harmed so much as one hair on Legolas's beautiful head, he'll have to answer to me!
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Diary of the Niece of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
New dollies no fun anymore. Want my uncle's pretty dolly with long blond hair instead. Hey! Maybe uncle will trade! I could give him all seven of these dollies for his one pretty blond dolly!
Oh-oh! Why are there only six dollies in my dollhouse? Where is small one with dark curly hair?
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Diary of Frodo
Desperate situation calls for desperate measures. Used ring to make myself invisible. Giant female child stands in way of our finding and rescuing Legolas.
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Diary of Sauron
WTF??!!! Why is my ring inside a gigantic dollhouse??!!
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Diary of the Cat Who Lives with the Niece of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
Most curious. Sensing tiny creature leaving dollhouse, but cannot see it. Can smell it. Can hear it. But cannot see it. Ready, set, POUNCE!
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Diary of Frodo
AARRGGHH! Giant cat pinned me down! Must quickly remove ring so my friends can see me and will rescue me!
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Diary of the Cat Who Lives With the Niece of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
Most curious again. Can now see tiny creature. Not rodent. Not bird. Tiny person? Very scared tiny person.
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Diary of the Niece of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
Oh, there is missing dolly. Kitty had it. Will thank Kitty with extra large helping of fish for dinner. Now put small dolly with dark curly hair back with other dollies in this large basket, so I can take them to uncle.
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Diary of Sam
Mr. Frodo is alive! Had us so worried there. Giant cat didn't scratch him; just pinned him down before giant female child got him.
Ow. Bumpy ride in this basket. Where is she taking us?
CHAPTER FIVE
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Diary of Aragorn
As we are being carried in this giant basket to some destination unknown to us, my companions ask what happened to Legolas and me after those men captured us. I told them of those men's plans to defile Legolas and their threat to hang me if we did not comply.
My companions were just as outraged as I was, if not more so. Such loyal companions! Legolas and I are blessed to have such true friends!
Feeling angry at myself for having wasted precious moments those times when I had arguments with my elf about the silliest things. Should have instead been showering him with kisses and making sweet love to him. Life is much too short!
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Diary of Frodo
The thought of those strangers touching Legolas angers me! We know Aragorn and Legolas have a little something going on between them, but if anyone other than Aragorn deserves to enjoy the charms of Legolas, it is I! After all, I AM the cutest Hobbit here. 'Tis only fitting that the cutest Hobbit and the prettiest elf be joined in a long-overdue tryst.
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Diary of Sam
The thought that we might never ever see Legolas again deeply saddens me. He is indeed a true vision of beauty. I never told him so, and I might never ever have the chance. Oh, woe is me!
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Diary of Merry
We must find and rescue Legolas! I can't bear the thought of him never again gracing us with his beautiful presence!
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Diary of Pippin
Legolas! Ack! I never knew what it's like to touch that long, silky pretty hair of his, or feel how soft his skin must be. And I never will, unless we find and rescue him. *cries*
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Diary of Gimli
Argh, that blasted elf! Hate to admit it, but this Fellowship wouldn't be the same without him. He has a way of growing on a person.
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Diary of Boromir
Legolas and I may have gotten off on the wrong foot back at the Secret Council Meeting, but I must admit he is blindingly beautiful. If any of those men from that other world think they can have their way with him, other than Aragorn, they'll have to get past me. And I'd love to see them try.
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Diary of the Niece of the Giant from Jack in the Beanstalk
Uncle doesn't seem to be at home. I'll just leave this basket of dollies here and take the pretty blond one. Oh, lookie! Chocolates! Uncle won't mind if I have a few. Mmmmm!
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Diary of Aragorn
The giant female child is busy eating some sort of sweets. While she's distracted, we'll climb out of this basket and see if Legolas is here. Oh, no! There he is, but he's not moving! He's just lying there face down on that giant pillow. Are we too late? Has the giant slain him? No! It can't be! Ow! Hobbits almost knocked me down while brushing past me. They are now gathered around Legolas.
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Diary of Legolas
Having most delightful dream when suddenly awakened. Ah, 'tis Frodo and other Hobbits. My, how affectionate they are being toward me. Telling me how worried they were about me and how happy they are to see me again. Frodo and Sam are snuggling close to me and gazing deeply into my eyes while Merry and Pippin are stroking my legs and rubbing my feet. Gimli and Boromir are smiling at me, too. So nice to know how my friends care about me! Oh, look. My Aragorn is here, too!
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Diary of Frodo
Aragorn had pried us off of Legolas. Told us to give the elf some air. Right. He just doesn't want to share the beautiful Prince of Mirkwood. I can wait, but not too long. Legolas wants me. I could tell by the way he smiled at me just now. And after all, I am the cutest Hobbit. How could anyone resist my adorable face and my big saucer-like blue eyes?
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Diary of Aragorn
My beloved elf is alive and well! So relieved! Managed to shoo away the other members of the Fellowship from him so I can ask him what happened.
Most relieved to learn giant never harmed Legolas. Then felt a bit annoyed because all that time I was worried sick thinking my elf might be suffering torment and great pain by giant, when all this time he was just fine. And the rest of us were being forced to be giant female child's playthings.
Was about to say something to him about it when that blasted giant female child reached down and GRABBED MY ELF! That cursed girl has taken Legolas! NO!!!!
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Diary of the Niece of the Giant from Jack in the Beanstalk
Oooh! Here's the pretty dolly with the long blond hair! Will be lots of fun to comb silky hair and put pretty dresses on this dolly! Come, dolly. Will show you your new home. You will have fun living in my beautiful dollhouse.
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Diary of Legolas
NO!!!!!
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Chapter Six
Diary of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
That niece of mine is in so much trouble! She disobeyed me after I told her the elf was off limits, and that she was to tell me ahead of time when she was coming over to visit. Just wait until I have a talk with her parents!
I had stepped out back for just a few minutes to pick some fresh herbs and vegetables from my garden. When I returned I was very surprised to find seven new little creatures in my home, no sign of the elf named Legolas and several of my gourmet chocolate truffles missing.
After calming down the new little creatures and making them realize that I was no threat to them, we talked. They told me about the 'giant female child' who had taken Legolas.
There was no time to lose. My little niece could easily harm the elf. Little girls tend to be very rough with their toys. I tried not to show any fear, as I did not want to panic the elf's friends. I calmly told them I would immediately go to the home of my niece and get Legolas. They insisted on going with me. I don't blame them, for I myself was very worried about the elf's well-being.
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Diary of the Niece of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
This new pretty blond dolly is the same size as my other blond dolly that my parents gave me for my birthday! Wow! I bet they can both wear each other's clothes! This will be fun!
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Diary of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
I let myself into the home of my niece. My brother and his wife weren't home. I went upstairs. The door to my niece's bedroom was open. I peeked inside. There she was playing at her dollhouse. I stepped into the room. There was Legolas. She had him seated next to her blonde fashion doll. Oh, no. Poor Legolas. What did she do to him? What is that outfit he's wearing? And that doll next to him is wearing HIS clothes! The elf looks miserable, poor thing.
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Diary of the Niece of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
My uncle came over and took back the pretty dolly with the silky blond hair! Meanie! I don't know why he won't let me keep it!
He brought the other dollies with him, but he won't let me keep any of them, either. He's so mean! I'm going to tell my mommy and daddy!
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Diary of Aragorn
It was a sight I'll never forget. My beloved elf was seated in that dollhouse. He was wearing a very short skirted pink dress and matching pink shoes. Seated next to him was a life-size doll. Female, blonde, blue eyes, smiling and very pretty. Boromir and Gimli couldn't take their eyes off of the doll. They examined it closely, feeling the arms, legs, face and hair.
Legolas must have felt embarrassed. He would not look directly at us. I spoke softly to him and assured him that we would never speak of this incident, if he so wishes.
Then Frodo and the other Hobbits rushed over and threw themselves at Legolas. They all spoke at once, so it was difficult to understand what they were saying to him. As before, Merry and Pippin began rubbing his feet and stroking his legs while Frodo and Sam snuggled closely to him and smiled affectionately at him. Blast those Hobbits! If I hadn't sworn to protect the Ring-Bearer, I'd give him and the others a good sound spanking. He and the others must know that Legolas is MINE!
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Diary of Legolas
Thank goodness the giant and the rest of the Fellowship came to rescue me. I believe I would have gone insane if I had to endure anymore of this giant female child's antics.
I will, however, have to speak with Aragorn about his feeble attempt at humour. Right before we were about to leave this place, he took hold of the life-size blonde female doll dressed in my clothes and said, "Let's go, Legolas." Then he looked at me, pretended to be surprised and said, "Uncanny!"
Har-dee-har-har-har. Just wait until you're in the mood for some warm cuddling and loving, Aragorn. Maybe I'll be too busy having a cuddlefest with these Hobbits that you'll have to wait your turn.
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CHAPTER SEVEN
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Diary of Cinderella
Some of the women here are undecided about whether or not to embrace the love that dares not speak its name. But not I. I know when it's time to move on. And I'm going to mark my territory before one of the others decides to beat me to her: Aurora. Ah, beautiful Aurora! Thanks to Prince Phillip who woke her from that deep mysterious slumber, she is now able to walk among us and shine like the star that she is!
She and I hold hands as we smile at each other. Oh, look. There are the men who left the womenfolk to pursue the infamous nancing elf. They sure look stupid sitting around the base of that gigantic beanstalk. Why on earth are they doing that?
Aurora and I pretend we do not know those men can see us. We slowly move closer to each other. Then we softly press our lips together and kiss. We can picture the reaction from the men: their mouths dropping open and their eyes fixated on us.
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Diary of Prince Phillip
That was SO HOT! Princess Aurora (or Briar Rose, as I first knew her) kissing Cinderella! I wonder if they'll do it again?!
Gee, it sure is taking those guys a long time to rescue the elf from that giant. Don't know how much longer we can just sit around down here waiting. Starting to feel stupid. Feeling sleepy, too. Been waiting for hours. Zzzzzzzzz.
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Diary of Legolas
The giant said he has an idea on how to deal with the problem of those men waiting for me at the bottom of the beanstalk. We are to enjoy his hospitality while he works on his plan.
Aragorn looks irritated because the Hobbits are still snuggling close to me while they tell me how relieved they are to see me safe and alive and how much they missed me. The foot rubs Merry and Pippin are giving me feel good. I could learn to like this. How come I never noticed before how incredibly cute Frodo looks with those saucer-like blue eyes, that mop of dark wavy hair and that adorable face?
Oh, yes, a good cuddlefest with these Hobbits is just the thing to teach Aragorn a lesson for his earlier feeble attempt at humour. Let him try to find some warm loving from that life-size doll who was wearing my clothes earlier. See if I care.
Hmm. Frodo's lips look so soft and kissable.
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Diary of Frodo
I'm in heaven! Legolas just now smiled at me and kissed me! I'm staying right here by his side! Hmm. But Sam, Merry and Pippin don't seem to want to leave. And Legolas doesn't seem to mind that we're all here together. Oh, well.
Mmm. He sure smells good! Like cinnamon bark.
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Diary of Aragorn
I don't believe that elf! How dare he kiss Frodo right in front of me! If I show my anger and pull these Hobbits off of him, will I look like a jealous fool? What kind of game is my elf playing? Maybe he's just being nice to them for caring about his well-being.
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Diary of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
This just might work. Good thing I know how to sew. There we are. A set of clothes identical to the ones that belong to Legolas. I have convinced my niece to give me her fashion doll in exchange for letting her finish off the rest of my gourmet chocolate truffles. Plus I have to take her shopping at the toy store in the galleria next week. It is now time to brief the members of the Fellowship about the plan.
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Diary of Prince Phillip
Suddenly woke up. When did I fall asleep? Oh, look. It's the jealous Ranger and his friends. Where is the elf? Oh, no. No! It can't be!
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Diary of the Prince Who Used to Want Cinderella
Aagghh! The beautiful elf has been transformed into a life-size doll! The Ranger and his friends explained what happened up at the top of the beanstalk. Apparently some evil sorceress up there took pity on the womenfolk down here and decided to punish us for abandoning the women, so she cast an evil spell and changed the beautiful elf into this doll! Oh, no!
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Diary of Saruman
They believed that story? I swear, the men from that fairy tale world are so gullible and stupid that it's downright embarrassing. *snickers*
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Diary of Legolas
The giant has proven to be a true friend indeed. He has fooled the fairy tale men here into believing I was changed into that doll. Meanwhile, he secretly carried me down the beanstalk while I hid in his pocket. The rest of the Fellowship will meet up with me when we are far away enough from those men so they won't know I'm still alive and well.
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Diary of the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk
I can sense the rift starting to close. Time to say good-bye. I will miss these little creatures, these members of the Fellowship. I wish them success on their quest.
Legolas asked me if there was anything he could do to repay me for my help. I asked him to sing one last song for me.
He sang me three.
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Diary of Legolas
We bid farewell to our friend the giant. He said it was important for us to continue on our quest. Said something about a rift closing very soon. Not sure what he meant.
Oh, look. Aragorn still looks miffed at me. *snickers*
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Diary of the Mirror on the Wall
Can no longer sense the presence of the beautiful nancing elf or any of his companions. Oh, well. At least maybe now the queen won't be so bitchy now that I can tell her she is the fairest of them all if she ever asks me again.
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Diary of Saruman
Back to having the Orcs go after that blasted Fellowship. Fat lot of good those stupid fairy tale men were. Last I saw of them before that strange rift closed was the whole lot of them crying and fussing over that life-size blonde fashion doll dressed like the nancing elf. What a pathetic scene.
THE END