Forever Isn't Over Yet
By Susanne

"Ezra." I said quietly as I walked up behind the man currying his horse.

"Mr. Larabee." Your voice was gruff. I knew you remembered me. You had to. I couldn't forget you.

"I knew I'd find you here." I said watching your hands smooth over that silken hide. I feel the heat curl through my belly and I am jealous of a damned animal again. God I hate that horse for every moment he feels your touch. My whole body aches with the longing to throw myself in your arms, but I stand here fists clenched watching you caress that beast and not me.

"You've taken good care of him." You say softly.

I close my eyes in desperation. Another fucking horse has your mind like this one has your hands. Is there nothing left for me? I try to swallow but my mouth is so dry.

"I promised you I would." I say quietly. Your hands still. They still rest against the bright Chestnut hide, and I find that I would do anything to be in that animal's place.

"And you fancy yourself a man of your word, Mr. Larabee?" I hear the smirk in your voice.

"Yes." I say quieter still.

"You still owe me a promise." I have to lean forward to hear your soft words.

"A... I...." God I'm stammering like damn fool. And then you turn around and fasten that pale green stare on me and I can't even breathe. Your witch's eyes always did have that effect on me.

"Do you not remember the promise you made me after you promised to take care of Pony for me?" There is a hint of tears in your honeyed drawl, but all I can do is stand frozen. "Do you not remember promising to hold me forever?" The last word is barely a whisper and I step closer to you. I see in your ageless eyes that you understand that I was ordered to the front, ordered away from you, but the unshed tears that lie there also tear at my heart and I step into you and surround you in my arms, in my regret.

I feel suddenly like I am alive for the first time in years. It all comes rushing back, the sounds of war, the smell of gun powder and blood. The sight of you standing defiantly between my unit and a young lame horse with only an old sword to defend yourself, bullets having run out long ago. I remember thinking you were just a child. You were so small, but the look on your face was so fierce. I remember Bill tasting that fierceness on the end of your sword. I had to stop him from retaliating with his pistol. You were a wonder to behold. Flashing eyes, wind ruffling through dark curls. Your body stiff and unyielding like it is now. I step back from you and see the same determination that was on your face that day. I lean toward those lips I have missed all these years, as I am lowering my lashes I see your eyes widen in shock and then I feel your hand strike me. I look back at you the pain of the slap felt deep in my heart. I open my mouth but you turn away. I can see you tremble with what I can only know is anger. I remember you trembling like that, but not in anger. I touch your shoulder and you don't shake it off. The trembling increases and a small hope flickers inside me and I step closer to you, pull you against me. I close my eyes it can't all be my imagination that you lean into my body. I bury my nose in your hair. You smell just like you did then. My body reacts the way it always did to your scent. I can feel you now leaning into me, tilting your head to bare your neck to me. I run my lips down the smooth column of your neck and wrap my arms around you.

"If it had been my choice..." I whisper, knowing that it can never be enough, and you turn in my embrace and then I am kissing you again. You lean hard into me and the proof of your desire sends my blood to boiling in my veins, and it is all gone. All the years, all the mistakes, all the loneliness. There is only you and like a fire you burn through me. You moan into the kiss as I pull you closer and then I feel the damn horse nuzzling you, blowing in your hair. He must have decided that I'm not hurting you, he goes back to the grain ration you left him. Never understood the loyalty of your animals. Only care that he protects you. I can't stand up any more and then we are laying on the ground. Your horse standing guard. I weave one hand through your hair. I always loved your hair. Sarah's hair was like yours, dark and curly and shot through with fire in the sun. Your hands work their way under my shirt and I can't think anymore, I can only feel as you squirm under me. I have missed this from the moment I rode away from you. Your fingers leave me panting as you paint trails of passion across my skin. I don't remember how we got out of our shirts but I revel in the feel of your skin on mine. I can't believe how much I missed this. Can't imagine how I ever survived without it. You are different now. I can feel strong muscles under my touch, before you were so thin. Your mouth tastes the same your fingers find the same places on my body that make me squirm. Too much time has passed, and I won't lose another second.

"Please?" I whisper against your skin. You turn to me, your green eyes boring through my mind. Your answer is to kiss me again and your nimble fingers attack my belts and we struggle out of our remaining clothes. And finally there is nothing between us, and it feels like heaven. You wrap your legs around me like you used to do. But it is easier to kiss you now. You are taller, broader, I
wonder for a moment that this can feel so familiar and so different at the same time. You surge against me sliding your arousal against mine, I grind against you, sliding one hand down over your behind pulling you tighter against me.

"Yes, Sir. Yes, please. Please!" You whisper urgently.

Just the thought and your sensual writhing are almost enough to send me over.

"Not here." I gasp against your ear. "Later back in town, in the biggest bed I can find." You pull back from me and look at me in shock. And then your eyes go black, only a thin line of witch green ringing your passion flared pupils. I thrust hard against you and watch the shudder roll through you. The same shocked look is in your eyes as the first time I loved you. I feel the hot
splash across my belly and I arch into you once more and leave my own juices to cool between us. The first time I was with you had been the first time you had felt the pleasure a man feels. This could not be the first time since I had last seen you. You are too beautiful, someone would have snatched you up, loved you, certainly. You start to look sleepy, and you smile at me.

"Is that a promise?" I smile back and brush a lock of hair, much shorter than it had been then, off of your forehead.

"Promise." I go to shift off of you but you tighten your legs around me.

"Stay?" There is too much pleading in that voice for me to bear.

"I'm not leaving, I'm just gonna move off to the side here so I don't crush you."

"I like the feel of you."

"You won't come morning, trust me." I smile at you and move to lie beside you. You turn and snuggle into my arms. I grab a bandana from my duster pocket and wipe the worst of the mess from our bellies. You're already half asleep so I just pull the duster over us and pull you close. God I missed you. And I don't ever plan on missing you again.

*

It was finally silent from the clump of bushes where Ezra had bedded his horse. Vin moved in quietly just to make sure they were alright he told himself. It had nothing to do with undying curiosity. Really. He crept around the bushes and smiled at the sleeping pair. A low nicker came from the chestnut. He regarded Vin carefully his ears laid back his nostrils flaring. He blew heavily at Vin a couple of times causing him to grin.

"Don't worry Old Son. I ain't aimin' to hurt no one. Jest checkin' up on em." He told the horse softly. It didn't waver in it's watch. Ezra's bed roll was only a few feet away and he went and unwound the blankets. The gelding watched him, nickering dangerously when he approached them with the blanket dancing nervously when Vin placed it over the sleeping men. Vin backed off as soon as the blanket was in place and the horse nuzzled Ezra's hair and then raised his head to glare at Vin. Vin smiled back and then left the clearing. He'd have to remember that about Ezra's horse, didn't want the damn thing to take his head off in the future. And there would be a future no doubt. He knew in his blood that he would stay with Chris, and now it was apparent that Ezra would as well. It was good. He liked the gambler. He made his way back to the campfire the others had settled around.

"Chris okay?" Buck asked as he sat down.

"Yeah,"

Buck looked at him expectantly but Vin only stared into the fire. He would talk with Chris in the morning.

*

I woke feeling better than I had in years. I have always hated waking up alone, the only thing worse is waking up to a stranger. I hold you close for a long while, reveling in the way you snuggle against me in your sleep. Before long I become restless. I never could lie in bed long in the mornings. I don't want to wake you so I carefully crawl out of your embrace. Your horse snuffles me all over and decides that I smell enough like you that I'm no danger to you and he
lets me dress and leave. He stands over you as I leave. I tip my hat to him and he nods back at me. I must be grinning like an idiot when I walk over to where Vin is pouring coffee.

"Chris." He murmurs in greeting.

"Vin." I reply and accept a steaming cup from him.

"It's good." He says after a minute.

"Coffee?" I am being purposely obtuse and I know it, but I need to keep up the charade.

"Nope." He says and stares off into the dawn. I don't say more and neither does he.

Buck and JD wake and their boisterousness is more than I can take and I leave the f ire to sit on the rocks and watch the morning crawl across the desert. Vin joins me and we sit in a companionable silence.

"When didja meet?" Vin asks quietly after a while.

"In the war." I don't know why I trust Vin like I do. From the moment we met, I knew instinctively that I could trust him. Like I knew from the moment I saw Ezra standing on that old battlefield that I loved him. "My unit came across him and a lame gelding. He'd been part of a Reb cavalry unit, but he'd refused to leave his horse when it came up lame so we ran across him and took him prisoner." Vin looks out across the sky and lets me sit in silence til I can continue. "God he was young. And foolishly brave. That bravado isn't faked Vin. And he's bold as brass. He could always talk circles around everyone." Vin nods. "I was drawn to him from the first moment I laid eyes on him." I meet Vin's eyes and find no censure in them. I know I shouldn't have worried 'cause of the things he said earlier, but the fear lingers, twists my gut, until his blue eyes release me with a grin. It feels good. I don't know why I need his approval but I do. I'm glad to get it. "It took us a week to get back to the rest of the company. He wouldn't let us go faster, didn't want to injure the horse. Irked the hell out of the rest of my men, but I let him walk."

"That pretty chestnut o' his?" Vin asks quietly.

"Nah, that big black of mine." I grin at his quirked eyebrow. "They wouldn't let a prisoner keep a horse. I promised him I'd take care of Pony for him. I made a couple of promises to him." I look down at my hands. "Only managed to keep the one."

"You've got time." Vin says quietly. I look at him confused. "You've got time to keep your promises now." I blink at Vin. Inside all the quiet that is this man, is a great and profound knowledge.

"You could be right." I say in an amazed tone. Vin has the graciousness not to be offended.

"There's no reason we got to be on the road first thing." He grins at me. I must be grinning like a fool again, 'cause his grin widens.

" I do feel a bit tired. I might lay back down for a bit." I say and stretch.

"Yeah, you old fellers need more sleep." He says with a laugh and reclines on the rock like a big old cougar. I growl at him and he laughs again. I walk away. There is no way I'll get the last word I just have this feeling. And I've better things to get back to. I stop by the fire to where JD is helping Buck with every little thing. Buck winks at me when I pin him with a glare. I shake my head and crouch next to him.

"We'll leave after lunch." I say quietly.

"After lunch?" He asks "Why so long?"

"Hell Buck," I say, "You can't have annoyed all the women hereabouts yet. We ain't got no place to be." I'm out of line, but fear makes me say stupid shit. It always did.

"I guess not Old Dog." He emphasizes the 'Old' a bit too much. I guess I deserve that.

"Well I'm not leavin' til lunch. You're welcome to go anytime." I'm not sure where the anger is coming from.

"It's okay Chris. He ain't goin' no where. And if'n he does, I'll help ya track him down." He tells me quietly. God what did I ever do to deserve a friend like Buck Wilmington?

"Sorry, Buck. I think I should lay back down for a nap. I must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

"It's okay, you old fellas just need more rest than us young guys." He winks at me and I give him a rude gesture. I think JD's eyes may just pop out of his head. I walk away shaking my head. I don't know what exactly is going on with me, but I know that I am going to do whatever is in my power to keep Ezra with me.

The damn chestnut glares at me as I come into the clearing. He lets me undress and lie back down beside Ezra though. I might just have had to shoot him if he hadn't.

*

Ezra snuggles into me as soon as I lie next to him. I remember that. Him plastering himself along as much of me as he can. Maybe for the warmth, but I like to think it's for the comfort my touch brings. I like it for as much comfort as it brings me. Like it always did. God I have needed you. After I rode out of that prison camp, feeling your witches eyes on my back for miles, I thought I'd never feel the comfort again. I heard you ran away from that camp a week after I left. I was glad. It killed me to think of you there, to think of who was touching you. I found Sarah a year after the war. She reminded me so much of you. She had your spirit. I never forgot you, but she soothed the torn place in my heart, formed her own space. And Adam. God Adam took up all my
life. I almost named him Ezra. But I thought the sight of a face so like yours would be hard enough without hearing your name. When they died. There was no part of my heart left. Buck pulled me out of the darkness, but I was falling. Til I saw you there. Staring down an entire saloon with two .22 caliber bullets. I gained a piece of my heart back that day. Watching your bravery hearing your honeyed drawl. It was all I could do not to touch you right then. But I didn't dare disturb the balance you'd achieved in the bar. My heart was whole for a moment. Til you laid eyes on Nathan. I knew some of the guards at the camp were black. I saw in their eyes their hate for you, I worried for you. I knew you'd ride away from that dust bowl of a town and never come back. I'd done it myself. Run from my fears, my past.

You shift against me. Feeling my distress. I calm my thoughts and bring a fire to my body by smoothing my hands over your back. You fall back into a deeper sleep and I sigh. You would sleep the morning away if I let you. Was only the one day I could. The day the rain kept us trapped in the old barn. I'd claimed the tack room for myself. Same way I claimed you. The boys weren't happy about that. Weren't happy I didn't share. I had the rank though and they respected me some. Thought I was going soft.

I wish I was going soft. I squirm trying to get comfortable, but the feel of your body against mine is keeping me aroused. I felt that arousal when you rode out with us the next morning. I'm not sure how I kept my hands off you til last night. It made me right surly. I took it out on you. One more thing I need to fix between us. Vin's words come back to me as I stroke my fingers through your hair, he's right you know, he told me I still have time. I'd promised to hold you forever and forever isn't over yet.

I feel you stir and I groan. God it's so painful to have you here and not make love to you. I feel like I could burst. I yelp when your fingers close around me. I try to listen for anyone coming to check on us, but your hands continue to stroke me and I can't be bothered to think about any one but you.

"Please Sir." You whisper, your hands stilling, bringing a moan to my lips. "Please, I want you inside me."

"Chris," I gasp. "I'm just Chris."

"You are not just anything." You whisper hoarsely, and then that silver tongue busies itself marking trails of fire across my collar bone.

"Oh God, Ez..." I slide my hands down your back, over your behind.

"Please, Please, Please." You murmur against my skin and I find that I can't deny you, deny us both.

*

Vin had moved up the rock face so that he could see down into the small clearing that Chris and Ezra claimed. He grinned as he watched Chris kiss his way down Ezra's long neck and turn him so that he pressed along the gambler's back. He moaned as he watched Chris stroke gentle fingers down a well muscled thigh, bringing it forward so that he could reach questing fingers behind that leg. Vin moaned and fought the impulse to close his eyes along with Ezra as he imagined those fingers touching him, stroking along his quivering flesh. Reaching deep inside him like Spring Fox used to do when they were young. He watched Chris bring those fingers back into view to stroke along Ezra's weeping erection, gathering the moisture waiting there, bringing them back under that leg. The sight of Ezra pressing himself back onto Chris' fingers was more than
he could take and he struggled to open his pants as Chris pressed himself slowly into Ezra.

He bit his lip to keep from crying out as he stroked himself in time with Chris' thrusts, with Ezra's gasps, with Ezra's long strokes up his weeping shaft. His blood was beginning to boil with pleasure, with need, and as Chris and Ezra's movements became jerky and desperate, he couldn't contain a small groan of pleasure. He watched as Chris pulled Ezra's chin around to kiss him
hungrily. He gasped and his orgasm rolled over him as he watched Ezra's release spill over his fingers, watched Chris stiffen and moan into the kiss. He wanted that kiss, wanted that touch, wanted to not be alone wanted to be part of the embrace. He watched them cuddle and couldn't contain the longing that washed through him. He wondered at his chances to bask close to the fire of their love without singeing himself. He sighed as they settled down to drowse in their love. He wiped his hands in the grass, fastened his pants again and made his way back to the fire. No one could say what would happen now, but he did know two things, both he and Ezra would stay with Chris Larabee, and the future was about to get interesting.


END