Title: Only Thing I Gotta Have Is You

Author: Susanne

Only Thing I Gotta Have Is You.
By Susanne

I bask in his presence. Delight in his touch, amazed that he wants me, knowing that he'll leave again. Determined to enjoy him while he allows it.

I saw him with that newspaper woman, I saw the attraction to her, the attraction of that boy. I heard of his family, his loss, from Mr. Wilmington. I can't give him that. She can. She can give him a family, respectability. I can't compete with that. If I get him for two weeks I'll have him for as long as I did last time, I'll have that to comfort me for the next ten years. I've done it before, I'll do it again. The question is, can I do it and remain in his presence? See him and not have him? See them together and not hate her? I'm sure even my poker face isn't that good.

But can I walk away? I'm not sure I can. I'll remain, I suppose, the sight of him eating away at me til there is nothing left.

He starts to stroke my hair and I give up my dark thoughts. I can't afford to waste one moments mourning this... thing we have until it's dead. I don't want to lose one moment of the time I do have being miserable. I kiss the spot over his heart, and lay my ear over it, pretending it beats for me. I feel him wriggle against me and I smile. I kiss his chest again then draw a lazy trail to one brown puckered nipple with my tongue. He draws in a hissed breath and his hands in my hair clench but don't pull. My heart fills with a grateful emotion that I refuse to name further. He was always gentle with me. The only one who ever was. I lave his nipple with my tongue until he is squirming against me, and then I make a lazy trail to it's twin and treat it to the same attention that it's mate enjoyed.

"Ezra." He moans my name. My name. I am not some nameless substitute for either of those women. I must have a silly grin on my face when I look up at him, cause he gets one too. It makes my heart swell to bursting when he looks at me like this, like I am important. I can't contain the joy I feel at the look in his eyes so I duck my head and kiss his chest once more. I can't look into his eyes and see that... that look. So I bring my attention back to the fine expanse of man before me. No man before or since has been as beautiful to me. No woman either. I kiss his chest again. And again, making my way down that flat firm torso. I lick at his belly button like a cat at cream, but he is the one that purrs. I leave the small indentation with one last regretful lick, but I have waited ten years to explore this man and I will wait no longer. I follow the fine trail of blond hairs with my tongue to his groin. I take a moment to study his proud erection jutting in front of me. I put one kiss on the side of that ivory tower and bury my nose in the silken blond nest at it's base. The smell is heavenly, all man, but it takes me back suddenly to the first time. On my knees with four men holding me and a fifth scrabbling for his belt. And then he was there. And they were not. He seemed so tall and his touch on my head was so gentle, I didn't hear what he said and he knelt down in front of me and spoke to me again in that soft voice.

"I said are you alright. Did they hurt you?" I couldn't speak, he must have thought I was a simpleton. But he drew me to my feet and led me to his own site, he had a small tent and he sat me there fed me from his own rations. Made sure I was tied in a comfortable position and slept next to me. And didn't touch me. He's touching me now. His fingers smoothing gently over my head sifting through my hair as if feeling each strand. A sudden fear grips me that this is all just another dream. A dream that ends with me alone.

"Ezra." He whispers and I blink back the tears and place a kiss in the silken hair. I remember now that I was going to explore him, and I do. I memorize every inch of his groin with my tongue. He cries out softly as I draw first one warm testicle into my mouth and then the other. He moans in protest as I leave them, but then groans in pleasure again as my teeth scrape along the sensitive skin behind them. He pulls his knees up opening himself to me. I find myself drawn inexorably to the entrance to his body and I spend long minutes exploring that entrance, memorizing the taste, the feel. This cannot be a dream. No dream tastes this real. Or moans this loudly. His moans send electric shivers down my spine and I finally take pity on him, or is it myself, and swallow that needy column of flesh. He cries out and bucks against me trying to get further inside. I hold his hips to the ground, moving up and down at a leisurely pace. His fingers move softly through my hair as he caresses my head. He is at my mercy and I have never felt more powerful. This beautiful, powerful, dangerous man is whimpering and squirming under me and I take pity on him, speed up my movements, his gasping of my name sends a wave of pleasure through me and as his pleasure fills my mouth, I find myself spilling mine onto the ground between his feet.

"Oh shit Ez." He says breathlessly and pulls me up to kiss me, his tongue stroking mine, his hand slipping down my back, reaching to stroke me but finding I am limp if still sensitive. "Ez?" He says concern evident in his eyes.

"I love to hear you say my name." I say blushing and hiding my face in his neck. I hear him chuckle as he wraps his arms around me, holding me close, caressing my back. I close my eyes and smile against his skin.

"You wanna get some lunch?" He asks stroking down my back.

"No, just want you." I can't go out there, face those men, see the recrimination in their eyes for daring to sully this man with my touch.

"You need to eat sometime." I can feel him chuckle softly.

"Only need you." I saw that look in the eyes of his men so long ago, I can't bare to see it again.

"They ain't gonna say anything Ez." He says softly and seriously. "And ifn they do, well the hell with 'em. We don't gotta stay here, or anywhere. Only thing I gotta have is you."

It's been years since I've cried, but I can't help it. I can hear him murmuring into my ear, feel his comforting touch. I can't tell how long it is that I lie on his chest content in the feel of his fingers stroking through my hair, the sound of his heart beating in time with my own. I hear his stomach growl and can't help looking up at him with a giggle.

"Come on, lets get some grub." He laughs at the face I make. I never could understand how any one could refer to their meals in that way and then eat. "Or if you like, let us partake of the colorful local cuisine." He says and my laughter joins his own.

**************************************

Buck smiled as he heard the laughter from the bushes where Chris and Ez were hold up. He met Vin's eyes and saw the amused acceptance there. JD looked confused, Nathan disgruntled, and Josiah serene. He saw Vin look at Nathan with a frown. Nathan could be trouble. But Nathan hadn't been around Chris Larabee over the last three years. Nathan hadn't been waiting that whole three years to hear Chris laugh, to see him spend one whole night without a drink. He'd just have to have a little talk with Nathan if he had a problem with Chris and Ez. He had seen the link between Chris and Vin. Vin would follow if Nathan's attitude forced them to leave. He'd go as well, and he'd try to take JD with him. The boy needed someone to watch out for him, and since it seemed that Ez was gonna be takin' care of Chris, that left JD for him to mother hen. If Nathan said anything... Well they'd cross that bridge when they came to it.

When Chris and Ez finally came out of the clearing, the women of the village were serving up lunch. Chris was relaxed like Buck hadn't seen in three years. Ezra was nervous. He sat next to Vin who nudged him and grinned at the high strung gambler. Chris ran a hand over Ezra's thigh and Buck watched him relax. He noticed Josiah distracting Nathan with rumbled conversation every time his attention fell on Ezra and Chris. He turned his own attention to teasing JD. This was all going to work out just fine.

END