Pieces Of My Heart B

windwilowk

Magnificent Seven ATF

Buck/Chris Matt/Josh

R

Archive yes please to PEJA

feedback is welcome

special thanks to Antoinette for corrections and suggestions and questions to ponder. Any errors left are all mine.

Pieces Of My Heart B
by windwilowk

Chris woke early, crawling out of bed to make his way to the bathroom. He was headed out his door when he remembered Buck and Becky. Definitely needed to be wearing more than boxers.
He quickly grabbed his robe and entered the hallway. He could hear Buck's snoring. He could also hear a little voice. He cracked Becky's door open just the littlest bit.

"I'm hungry. Are you hungry too, pony?" She said as she sat there with the stuffed horse in her hands.

Chris said. "Morning Becky. I'm hungry. I was going to make pancakes. Would you like to help me?"

"Yes!" Came the excited reply.

Chris said. "Ok. First you need to put on your robe and slippers. The floor is a little cool." Becky put them on and then she and Chris made their way to the kitchen.

He sat her down. Before they got started he wanted to make sure she knew not to touch knives, or the stove and a couple of other things. Then they started to make the pancakes. When they were done they sat down and ate. Buck had yet to get up and Chris asked Becky if they should take some pancakes to Daddy and wake him up.

Chris found one of the trays they used when one of the guys was banged up on an assignment and was on bed rest. Nathan had made sure they had a few trays. It made his life easier when he could tend to his friends all in one place. If he didn't at least one of them was likely to have a setback of some sort, because they *forgot* their medical restrictions. Well, today the tray would
be used for a decidedly more cheerful purpose.

Chris and Becky made their way to Buck's door. Remembering his own state of dress this morning, Chris set the tray down on a table in the hall and opened the door a crack and poked his head inside. Coming out of the bathroom and looking disheveled and oh so cute, was Buck.

"Hey Buck, you decent there, cause a little blue eyed girl and I have some pancakes for you."

Buck sat down on his bed. Chris and Becky had made him breakfast and from the looks of things, he was to be served in bed. He felt a little self-conscious, but also special, warm, and cared for.

Buck responded. "Yeah, Chris I'm decent. Those pancakes sure do smell great."

Buck scooted across the bed to make room for Becky and Chris to sit. Chris handed him the tray, which he placed across his lap. Becky settled next to him and Chris sat next to her. Seeing how big the piece was that her daddy was planning to eat, and remembering that Daddy Chris had said the pieces needed to be small and why, Becky said.

"No, Daddy. You need small bites."

"Pumpkin, Daddy's bigger than you, it's ok." Buck said trying to placate her.

"No." Becky said shaking her head vigorously. "Bad, you coke when you" Becky made a noise and Chris could see her frustration building, so he piped in.

"You choke when you swallow." Becky smiled and repeated.

"You choke when you" and she glanced at Chris.

He said slowly. "swallow"

"Swallow" Becky said and turned back to Buck.

"Sweetie, my mouth is big enough to hold more than this." Buck said in all innocence.

`Oh God, now there's a thought.'

"Chris, hey buddy what cha thinking on?" Buck said wondering why Chris looked like he was blushing.

Before he could reply, he was saved by Becky from having to do so. Hopefully Buck hadn't noticed the blush that he could feel retreating from his cheeks.

"Daddy Chris cut my pancakes for me."

"Did he now pumpkin?" Buck gave Chris a smile.

"Yes, he did it good." Becky replied with conviction in her voice.

"I'm sure he did." Buck gave Chris a small smile across Becky's head.

"Can Daddy Chris cut your pancakes? Please, Daddy, please?" Becky implored.

"Sure, why not." Buck conceded.

Becky leaned up and whispered in Chris' ear.

"Please, cut small bites, Daddy Chris?" Becky said. Buck had heard her and gave Chris a conspiratorial wink.

Giving her a nod he shifted so he could reach the plate. While he shifted Becky was whispering in her daddy's ear.

"Close your eyes, Daddy for a s'pise." Buck closed his eyes. He could hear Chris cutting the pancakes. Then Becky told him to open his eyes. When he did, there were his pancakes, cut as small as Chris had dared.

"S'pise!" Oh, the little imp.

"Yes, pumpkin, Daddy's surprised." Buck sat back and enjoyed his breakfast. When he finished, Chris and Becky took the dishes back to the kitchen to clean up while Buck got washed and dressed. He met them in the kitchen.

"I'm going to take a shower and get dressed myself. But first, there's a surprise for Becky outside."

"A s'pise, for me. What is it Daddy Chris? What is it?" Becky begged with her baby blues.

Buck looked out the utility room window and inside the piece of the backyard that was fenced in, he saw a sliding board. It was brand new. It had to be. Hanging from the big tree on either side
was a swing, both new as well. Off to the side was a sandbox. Swallowing hard he turned back to Chris and offered a heartfelt.

"Thanks."

Chris replied."You're welcome. I thought we might have one of Becky's friends from preschool over now and then."

"I want to see. Please?" Becky said looking from one to the other. Buck lifted her up so she could see out the window. She got all squirmy then.

"Want to slide Daddy. Want to swing." Buck set her down.

"All right Becky, but first we need to get some play clothes on you. How'd you manage that?" he then asked Chris.

"With a little help from some friends. I called Vin and he hooked up with Josiah and they managed to get things set up."

"We'll have to remember to thank Uncle Vin and Uncle Josiah later pumpkin. But first you need to thank Chris.

"Yes Daddy. Thank you Daddy Chris." She said giving his leg a hug.

"You're welcome sweetie." Came Chris' warm reply.
_________

A short while later, a showered and shaved Chris joined Buck and sat beside him next to the sandbox. Buck looked up.

"Chris, I've been thinking and I'd really like you to see the house today. I want you to come through it with me. We could go to see it this afternoon when JD is here. I'm hoping Becky
takes to JD as easily as she took to you, then maybe he can watch her while I walk you through it."

"Sounds good to me." After a while it was time to go in and get washed up and ready for lunch. Buck and Chris got cleaned up. Then they went into the living room and Buck got one of the
pictures of the team down from the mantle. He sat down next to Becky, pointed to himself and asked.

"Who's that pumpkin?"

"It's you Daddy." Becky said.

Buck repeated the question while pointing to JD. Becky said she didn't know. Buck told her that was Uncle JD and that he was coming to eat lunch with them. She repeated what Buck said as he put a name to each face in the picture. They just got to Chris when the doorbell rang. Becky jumped up and made for the door, Buck fast on her heels.

"I see Uncle JD is here." Buck said opening the door to let him in. Becky looked up at him with Buck's blue eyes and said.

"Hi, Uncle JD."

"Hi, yourself Becky." JD's stomach rumbled. Hearing it Becky asked.

"Tummy hurt?"

"No Becky. I'm just hungry." JD rubbed his stomach.

"Now there's a revelation." Buck said lightly ruffling JD's hair. JD turned to Buck and said with a slight whine as he took out his comb.

"You messed my hair up."

"I fix it." Becky offered. "Come here." JD handed Buck a gift for Becky and then sat down on the floor and gave Becky his comb. She used it and when she was all done, she leaned in and kissed
his forehead and said.

"All better." JD agreed. Becky gave back the comb. Hands were washed again and lunch was served. Buck told JD about wanting to show Chris the house. JD was all for the idea and was more than willing to keep an eye on Becky while Buck and Chris were out.

JD had given Becky her present. It was one of those children's books made using the name of the child and important people in the child's life.

Buck and Chris were ready to leave. Becky was upset at the facing separation. She asked if she could go, promising to be a good girl. Buck sat down with her and told her he had to go with Chris, and while they were gone JD would read her the story he had gotten for her, and wouldn't she like that. She lifted her head from her daddy's chest, and peeked at JD through her lashes. She nodded her head yes. Buck said he would be back soon. Becky looked at Chris and asked.

"You come back Daddy Chris?"

"Yes, sweetie, I'll be back too." Chris assured her, dropping a kiss on her curly mop.

As Buck was receiving a hug and kiss goodbye from Becky, he heard JD ask Chris.

"Why is she calling you Daddy Chris?"

Chris shrugged his shoulders. "Haven't quite figured that out yet. Buck doesn't seem to mind though."

"That's cause I don't." Buck offered with warmth and conviction.

"Yeah, but Buck who has two daddies?" JD asked.

"TJ does." Becky offered with a smile.

"Becky, tell Daddy, who TJ is."

"TJ is my friend. I go to kool with him." Becky said happily.

"And TJ has two daddies?" Buck asked.

"Yes Mr. Matt is his daddy." Becky replied.

"And his other daddy?" Buck prompted.

"Mr. Josh is Daddy Josh." Becky said.

Buck patted Becky's head. "I see. Well that's good to know. Daddy Chris and I are going to go now. You listen to JD's story."

"Ok Daddy." Becky said solemnly.

Buck and Chris walked out the door and headed to the jeep. JD and Becky settled on the couch. He read the story to her as she curled up at his side. The second time through she drifted off to sleep. He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, setting her on top of the covers and pulling the blanket from the foot of the bed up, covering her. He tucked the pony in next to her and quietly left the room. Hopefully she would sleep until Buck returned.

How would he hear her when she woke up? Baby Monitors. Buck needed at least one base and three receivers, one for the main part of the house, one for his room and one for Chris'. JD called
Nathan. Surely with his connections at the hospital, he could find out which ones were the best on the market. Nathan agreed and said he would bring one with him tonight. Good.

JD got a soda and sat down to watch some sports. He thought about what Becky had said. He played a game in his mind. What if Chris liked men romantically, or Buck? They were good for each other as friends. Seemed to challenge and balance each other.

But how would that work if their relationship became more intimate? Would it change how he saw his friends? Naw, Buck was like an older brother. Always would be to JD. Chris was his boss and his friend.

How would the others be? Vin, like JD, had some friends who were gay, so he'd be ok with it. Josiah and Nathan had often voiced their anger at different prejudices, including prejudice against same sex couples. That just left Ezra.

JD was sure Ezra wouldn't have a problem. JD just wished there had been a happier reason, that he knew that fact about his enigmatic friend. One of Maude's ex's had a brother whom Ezra had looked up to as a young man. He was gay. JD was at Ezra's when Ezra got a call. His hands were visibly shaking when he hung up the phone. It was a nurse from a local hospice center. Ezra's friend, Seth, had developed bladder cancer. It had moved to his liver. The systems in his body had been in the process of shutting down. The nurse was calling because Seth was asking for Ezra and she didn't think he had much time.

JD had driven him to the hospice center. He waited for Ezra, drove him home afterwards, raised a toast to the memory of Seth's life, and held Ezra when he cried himself to sleep. He'd covered
Ezra with a blanket and stayed in the guest room that night. The next morning he got up and started breakfast. Ezra had gotten up, got dressed and ate. Before leaving, Ezra had simply hugged JD and said thanks. JD stood next to Ezra at the graveside. Since then, Ezra had opened up to him more, and they'd become better friends. No Ezra would have no problems if Chris and Buck's friendship took a turn, so to speak.

Buck and Chris settled in the jeep and started out.

"JD will take good care of her." Chris said to Buck.

"I know he will. How'd you know that was what I am thinking?" Buck asked with a sidelong glance.

"Been there." Came Chris' simple answer.

"Chris. If it brings up too many memories, if it's too hard, we can find someplace else." Buck said, hoping deep down it wouldn't come to that.

Chris pulled to the side and stopped the jeep. He reached over and set his right hand on Buck's left knee. Turning to face Buck, he said.

"There will always be memories of Sarah and Adam for both of us, and yes sometimes it hurts. But that's ok. I woke up this morning and while I could hear a certain someone snoring, I could also hear a little girl talking to her pony. She sounded so cute Buck."

"Did she now?" Buck placed his left hand on top of Chris'.

"Yes. This morning was nice."

"Yes it was. So it's ok if Becky and I stay with you till I've fixed up a few things in my house?"

"It's ok." Chris started the jeep again, and then returned his hand to Buck's knee without thinking about it, this time resting it on top of Buck's hand. Soon they were pulling up in front of the house."

Buck opened the front door to the house and the two men entered. The rooms were set up nicely. Buck could see the possibilities. With a little paint and some new carpeting, this would be the perfect place to settle. He envisioned the different rooms.

Standing in the master bedroom, it hit him that when he moved in here, he'd be leaving Chris behind. He knew he would still see Chris.

Buck had done some thinking this morning in the shower about what was said at breakfast and the blush he was sure he had seen on Chris' face. This morning had felt like home and family. That feeling had nothing to do with the place, and everything to do with the people.

While most thought he was a lady's man, the reality was he found himself attracted to people of both sexes. He just hadn't found a man with whom he would be willing to share himself in such an
intimate manner. Standing naked in the shower that morning Buck decided he could see himself, naked with Chris, teasing him, loving him, and being loved by him.

Standing in this bedroom, Buck had decided he'd go for it, but slowly. He didn't want to spook, or pressure Chris. He'd test the waters slowly and by the time this house was ready, it was just
possible the three of them could make it a home.

"What da ya, think Chris?" Buck asked.

"I like it. It'll make a good home." Chris offered.

"Naw Chris, it'll make a good house. It's the people, family and friends that'll make it a good home." Buck said as he stood behind Chris who'd been looking out the window, and placed a hand on his shoulder. Chris let the warmth of it sink in and had to stop him from leaning back towards Buck.

Buck had some money from an inheritance from his grandmother. The house and the fixing up would be paid for in full. He'd get someone to do the carpeting. Other things he would do with Chris and the guys. He could easily pay to have it done, but doing some things yourself, made it personal and gave you a feeling of ownership that money couldn't buy. It also gave him more time to work on his relationship with Chris.

They headed back to Chris'. JD met them at the door and told them Becky was taking a nap. Figuring she'd be up soon, Buck decided to sit with her so she would see he was there when she
woke up.

"Mm, Mommy?" Oh God, Buck thought his heart aching. He got up from the rocker and sat next to Becky on the bed.

"No pumpkin, its Daddy." The little bit of a smile on his daughter's lips eased a bit of the ache in his heart. She scrambled out from under the covers and crawled into his lap. He picked her up and sat down with her in the rocker. She looked up at him with her baby blues and said in her small voice, which just now sounded even smaller.

"Mommy's gone."

"Mommy's gone. Daddy's here." Buck said, rubbing her back in soothing circles.

"Where Mommy go?" Sad eyes met Buck's.

"Mommy went to heaven where the angels are." Buck said softly.

Just then the doorbell rang, interrupting their conversation as Becky made to climb off Buck's lap. He sighed with resignation, knowing that the topic would come up again in conversations in the
future. Looking heavenward, he said a prayer, for the sake of his child; he would find the right words each time it did.

Vin was the first to arrive, with Ezra next, followed by Nathan and Josiah. Becky was having fun. She was a little shy around Nathan and Josiah. They were both so big. JD had gone with her into the kitchen to get her a drink, when Josiah came in. Chris and Vin had been talking and Becky hid behind Chris' legs, holding on tight to the back of his pants. He looked down to see her little mop of hair coming around the outside of his leg as she peeked at Josiah. Josiah caught her eye and then covered his own for a moment before looking again and saying.

"Peek a boo." Becky started giggling and played along. Each time she hid her eyes; Josiah moved just a bit closer. Soon he was just a couple of feet away.

"I hear there's a real nice slide outside. Would you like to go on it sweetie?" Josiah said. Becky looked up at Chris.

"Why don't we all go out and you can show you uncles how much you like the slide and swings?"

"Ok." she said taking Chris' hand. They went outside. Becky had a blast with so many to push the swing or catch her when she came down the slide.

They'd told the others about the house. They all wanted to see it when they could. Josiah and Nathan realized they were running low on drinks and offered to make a run for some more. They figured they'd go by the outside of the house on their way.

Becky had been in the sandbox for a while. Buck, Chris, Vin, and Ezra were talking. Becky got up and went to them, tugging at her Dad's hand. He said.

"Yes, Becky."

"Go potty, Daddy." Becky said squirming.

Ezra was going into the house for another drink and offered to take Becky with him. She went with him easily. She liked the way he talked. It sounded pretty.

Ezra waited outside her bathroom for her. When she was done, he made sure she washed her hands. He had picked her up to do so rather than having her get on the step stool. When he put her down, she raised her arms and asked to be picked up again. As they were going back towards the kitchen Becky started pointing and saying.

"See. See." Ezra took her over to the mantle where the pictures were. Pointing and squirming a bit Becky said.

"You. You." Reaching out with one hand while holding Becky in place with the other, Ezra picked up the picture of the seven.

"All right, little lady, which one's Uncle Ezra?" She pointed to his picture.

"Uncle Eza."

"Yes Becky, Uncle Ezra." He said with a smile. He placed the photo back on the mantle.

"Who that?" Becky said pointing to a picture of Sarah with Adam on her lap. `How to answer?' The child was three. A simple answer would be best. He picked up the picture and brought towards them with care. Becky pointed to the boy.

"That's Adam." Then she pointed to the Sarah.

Buck went in to get the food for the grill. He had been just in time to hear Ezra tell Becky.

"That's Adam." He stood frozen for a minute and then crept forward. As their talk continued, a tear made its way down Buck's face.

"That's Adam's mom." Ezra said before replacing the photo.

"You mom?" Becky's eyes met Ezra's.

"My mom." Ezra stated.

"See her?" Ezra had a feeling where this conversation was going and sat down on the couch with Becky in his lap.

"No, she's away right now." Ezra said.

"Where?" Becky asked.

"Where is she?" Ezra restated the question.

Becky nodded her head.

"Where `ngels are?"

"No. My mother isn't where the angels are." Ezra shook his head.

"See Ad." Becky insisted.

"No we can't see Adam. Adam and his mother are where the angels are." Ezra said softly. He could see Becky thinking.

"My mommy `ngels."

"Your mommy's where the angels are too." Ezra affirmed.

"Miss Mommy. Love Mommy." Becky's blue eyes were wide and sorrowful.

Ezra rubbed Becky's back. "I know you do. She misses you too. Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time an angel went to heaven. She was a mommy. Her little girl, Becky missed her very
much." He took Becky over to the window where the night sky was beginning to unfold. Becky's mommy loved her so much that the love made a light in the sky for Becky to see. Do you see the
light Becky?" She nodded her head and then looked at him with a little pout on her lips.

"Miss kisses."

By this time Chris had come in ready to talk at Buck til he held his hand up and stilled him. The look on Buck's face would have done the job if his hand hadn't. Chris went up behind Buck and
laid a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sure your daddy has plenty of kisses all just for you." Ezra offered.

"Mommy kisses." Becky insisted. `Gawd, I hope she likes the rain.'

"Do you like the rain?" Becky shook her head yes and Ezra continued.

"Well, raindrops are special kisses from all the angels. They're mommy kisses, just for you."

"Eza kisses." She said with a smile.

"You want Uncle Ezra kisses too?" He said raising her high and then blowing raspberries in her stomach. Then he gave her a kiss on the forehead and set her down. He turned to see Buck and Chris standing there. Buck thought he was damn lucky; to be able to count the green eyed man as his friend. He didn't think he could've done better with Becky just now.

"Chris would you take Becky out with you? I want to talk to Ez for a minute." Buck said.

Becky went over to Chris.

"I got Eza kisses, Daddy Chris." She said in a proud voice.

"You sure did sweetie." Chris smiled warmly.

Buck neared Ezra. "Ezra. I don't have the words to say this. All I can think of is thanks."

"That is more than sufficient." Surprised green eyes met his as Buck closed the distance.

"No it's not, but it'll have to do along with this." Buck said as he wrapped his arms around Ezra to give him a hug.


Just then Nathan and Josiah came in the front door. They were greeted with the sight of Buck embracing Ezra.

"Get the feeling we missed something Josiah." Nathan stated.

"Believe you're right brother." Josiah said with a touch of laughter in his voice. Buck finally let go of Ezra. They made their way outside and Becky broke away from Chris, going to Ezra.

"Becky kisses." She said raising her arms to be lifted.

"I get Becky kisses? What a lucky man I am." Ezra said as he lifted her high til she squealed and then brought her inward for the promised kisses as another star twinkled in the night sky.

END PART B