title: Nightmares Lived

author: nancy

fandom: MutantX

pairing: Brennan/Adam

series: Nightmares

status: WIP

rating: R

archive: sure! just let me know

email: the_tenth_muse1@yahoo.com

website: http://www.geocities.com/the_tenth_muse1/

summary: Evil has been given an extra helping hand and the members of MutantX are struggling to survive.

WARNINGS: *Character death*!! also, non-con references (not graphic) and its aftermath. lots of violence and angst and bad language on occassion. basically, it's not a nice world anymore. I guess you'd consider this first installment an AU, though the second kind of brings it back on track. sort of. *grin*

Disclaimer: not mine, not making any money from this and never shall, alas.

Someone told me, love would all save us.
How can that be? Look what love gave us.
A world full of killing, and blood spilling.
And they say that a hero could save us, I'm not going to stand here
and wait.
--- HERO, Chad Kroger


The club was crowded and hot, filled with writhing bodies and smoke, as Brennan made his way through. It wasn't his usual scene, but then, this was the usual circumstance, either. Looking for the woman who had his information, Brennan didn't at first see her in the mass of people out for a good time. Then he spotted her sitting at the bar, red hair gleaming in the light and an elegant hand resting on her wineglass.

Angling towards her, he used his superior height to keep an eye out and make sure that she didn't disappear. After months of dead ends, Brennan was ready to strangle the next person who gave them false information, deliberate or not. He rudely nudged the man sitting beside her and gave the smaller man his most intimidating look. "Get lost."

The man beat a hasty retreat and Brennan took his stool.

Looking at him, Maia smiled and commented, "That wasn't very nice."

"I'm not in a nice mood," Brennan answered bluntly.

"You look like hell."

Let's have the man you love disappear and see how good you look, Brennan thought wearily. Aloud, he demanded, "What do you have?"

She slid a disk over the counter and replied, "This is where he was, as of two days ago. It cost me a lot of money, so you owe me a really big favor, Bren."

Brennan snatched the disk up and nodded, glancing up at his former partner. It had been a long time since they'd worked together, he'd been legit for almost seven years now, but it had been a solid partnership at the time. "If this information turns out to be accurate, I owe you a huge favor. Anything you want, Maia."

Delicate, auburn eyebrows arched as she murmured, "Well. I'll most definitely keep that in mind, Bren."

He kissed her cheek, then turned and left. Shalimar was waiting for him outside the club and they needed to get this information deciphered as quickly as possible. If only they still had the
resources of Sanctuary, it would be the work of a few minutes, but those were denied them now, in Eckhart's hands.

Reaching Shalimar's hidden position across the street, he greeted her with, "Got it. We need a computer port, asap."

Shalimar nodded and her eyes glowed gold, very briefly. She didn't have much strength left, but what she had was focused on getting her family back...what was left of it. "I know just the place."

He followed her down the street to the subway station, slipping an arm around her waist when he saw her start to shake with exhaustion. This is no good! he thought in dismay. She needed to rest, regain as much of her strength as she could. They made it onto the train and he pulled her onto his lap, cradling her in his arms. She snuggled against his shoulder as he asked, "What stop?"

"45th Street," she murmured tiredly. "Benny's Books still hasn't been found, can you believe it?"

Grinning, Brennan answered, "Sure I can. Benny's a tricky old dog and knows where to hide all his bones. Of course, it helps that he's not a Mutant, so there's no reason to suspect him."

Shalimar was already asleep, though, and didn't answer. Brennan sighed, tired himself. They'd been on the go for so long that he probably wouldn't know a bed if he tripped over one. Maia had been right, he did look like hell. He hadn't slept for more than three or four hours at a time in what felt like forever. It had been days since he'd shaved and his beard looked like crap, as all beards did on him. He couldn't remember the last time that he'd had a decent meal.

It had all gone to shit the moment that Emma had been captured. He had thought about it a lot over the last several months and had pinpointed it to that moment. Eckhart's goons had picked up Emma off the street completely by accident. There hadn't been any big mission involved, or some humanitarian deed; she'd just been coming back from the mall.

They had tried to get her back, but Eckhart had successfully repulsed every rescue attempt they'd mounted. Finally, he'd gotten word to them that if they didn't stop immediately, he would simply kill her and save himself the time and effort of keeping them out. The fight had seemed to go out of Adam at the threat and nothing any of them did could rouse the older man.

God knew that Brennan had tried everything possible to do just that, but Adam had taken Emma's capture very badly. She was like a daughter to him. The rest of them had struggled on without his guidance, but it had been a futile effort. When Jesse was killed in an explosion a couple of months later, Adam had shut down altogether, blaming himself because he hadn't been there like he should have.

Brennan had tried to get Adam to see that neither tragedy had been his fault, but had been immersed in his own guilt and grief at the time. He should have done better, found a way to reach the older man. But his best friend had died, and Brennan hadn't been firing on all cylinders at the time. He'd lived because Jesse had phased the wall and shoved Brennan forcefully out of the building, phasing it solid again to contain the blast. Shalimar had been just as devastated, it had been like losing a brother for her. So they had been splintered in their emotions, lost, even though they'd still been together.

Basically, an extremely easy target for Eckhart.

When Sanctuary II was stormed, Shalimar had been injured with a new laser weapon and Brennan had barely been able to get her out. It wasn't until they were in the escape passage that he'd realized Adam wasn't with them. Frantic with worry, he'd set Shalimar down and given her a weapon, since she wasn't strong enough to fight anyone. He had run back inside as fast as he could, but by the time he'd gotten back to the main building, Adam had been in custody.

Brennan had gathered his power together, raising his hands to send bolts of electricity into the ones holding the older man, but then Adam had met his eyes. Across the distance, Brennan could see the first signs of life in the dark eyes in months. The scientist had shaken his head and called out, "Take care of Shalimar! I'll be fine!"

Keeping his hands raised, sparks flying between his fingers, Brennan had almost ignored the order. But then Adam had mouthed, "I love you," completely breaking his concentration and the walls around his control. Electricity had spun from him like a lightening storm, but it had been all show, without any real force. The Genomex soldiers had hustled Adam out of there under the fire, while Brennan had collapsed against the nearest wall, shaking with emotion.

Even now, Brennan couldn't believe it was true. He didn't know what Adam had meant by it. He didn't know if it had just been said to get Brennan to react exactly as he had. He didn't know shit, basically, and if he had more energy, he'd be pissed.

Scooping Shalimar into his arms when their stop came up, Brennan's heart lurched at the way her head lolled limply against his shoulder. They had to rest. No matter what was on the disk, they were both out of strength. He reached Benny's Books just around sunrise and leaned on the bell until the old man opened the door, an irritated expression on his face.

Hazel eyes widened in shock upon taking in their appearance and Benny hurriedly opened the door. "Oh my God, what happened?"

Brennan entered the shop and answered, "Same old, same old. Good to see you, Benny. Mind if we borrow a bunk?"

"Of course not, Brennan! Come, come.this way."

* * * *

Shalimar definitely didn't remember getting to Benny's. The last thing she really remembered was getting on the train. She wasn't surprised to find herself alone in the small bed since Brennan didn't seem to sleep very much any more. She was waiting for him to just collapse one day; his body giving out from too much pressure put on it. He did too much, these days, far too much, but it wasn't like she could help out a lot anymore.

For a moment, she just lay in bed and took inventory, checking to see how her own body was doing. The pain in her upper back was a dull throb, which told her that she'd probably be okay for a couple of days. It also told her that she'd slept for a hell of a long time, because it was the only thing that seemed to keep the problem from spreading. The weapon that Eckhart had developed was something that bonded to the flesh and sapped the strength out of the body. Eventually, she guessed that it would take all her strength and she would die, but for now she was okay.

Yawning, Shalimar sat up and looked around. They were definitely at Benny's because there were books all over the place. She climbed out of bed and got to her feet with a groan of pain. Lying down, the pain hadn't been too bad, but it hiked up a couple of notches upon standing. Still, she could take whatever she had to until they got Adam and Emma back.

If only there was a chance of getting Jesse back, too.

With a sad sigh, Shalimar exited the small room and walked down the cramped hall to the front of the shop. Benny was sitting at the counter, going over what looked like inventory, but Brennan wasn't anywhere to be seen. Coming up soft behind the old man, she asked, "Where's Brennan?"

"Shalimar!" Benny exclaimed, hands going to his chest. "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on an old man!? You'll give me a heart attack for sure!"

Grinning, Shalimar replied, "What, and take away my only remaining joy in life?"

Rolling his eyes, Benny answered, "Brennan left."

"What do you mean, 'left?'" Shalimar demanded.

"I mean, he left. He told me that you were too weak to go with him this time," Benny explained, wincing at her anger.

Damn Brennan! It was just like him to go all chivalrous on her at the last second! She prayed that he returned safely so she could strangle him!

* * * *

Brennan strode up to the front door of the building where Adam was supposed to have been held, filled with purpose and freedom. Making decisions did that to a person. He'd gotten an unusual amount of about six hours of sleep, had showered, shaved, changed into clean clothes and then had a huge breakfast. It was in the shower that he'd figured out what to do next.

After depositing Shalimar into a bed the previous night, Brennan had used the last of their high tech equipment to determine that Adam wasn't, in fact, there. It didn't matter who was, because right now, Eckhart didn't have anything or anyone who could take Brennan down.

And that wasn't arrogance talking, either, it was fact. They'd destroyed the plans for the weapon that had injured Shalimar and convinced the creator to go into hiding so more couldn't be made. The last of the weapons had been wiped out in an explosion that had taken out most of Eckhart's hidden weapons cache. A little present from Brennan to Eckhart a few months earlier, after Adam had been taken and they'd been driven from their home.

As for other Mutants challenging him, the more dangerous ones were all in stasis because they weren't loyal to Genomex. The ones who remained weren't nearly on the same level of power as Brennan and, while he didn't dismiss them, he'd discovered how to form a shield of electricity around himself that bounced pretty much everything off it.

Brennan pressed the doorbell and grinned suddenly. "Avon calling."

An unfamiliar voice came out over a speaker. "What do you want, Mulwray?"

"You know what I want. Adam and Emma back."

The door didn't open as the man answered, "You know Eckhart will never agree to that. Just go away. It's never going to happen."

Leaning against the wall, Brennan stated, "Yes, it will. You tell Eckhart that unless Adam and Emma are returned to us by tomorrow night, in perfect condition, I'm going public with all the nasty little secrets of Genomex."

"It'll make you a freak!"

"I'm already a freak. This'll just make me infamous. You tell him that I don't care anymore. He's taken away my reasons for caring what happens to any of the other mutants. You tell him that,"
Brennan snarled. He drew the energy from within and arched it out in a glowing ball around him. "You can also tell him that before I go public, I'm going to make that warehouse explosion look like kids' fireworks. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah. I got it. Where's the meet?"

"Bring them to the Public Gardens at the Rosewood Exhibit by five p.m., or the Fourth of July comes real early this year," Brennan informed him. Keeping the energy around in a protective shield, he turned and walked away.

* * * *

"I do believe that your protégé has finally gone off the deep end, Adam."

Adam couldn't take his eyes from the screen that showed Brennan in still life. The younger man was thinner than last he'd seen him, and there were deep shadows under the troubled, dark eyes, visible even on the security tape. Aware that Eckhart was waiting for a response, Adam smiled and looked at the other man. "Oh, I doubt that. If Brennan's crazy, it's crazy like a fox."

"That's as it may be, but.how are you going to stop him?" Eckhart asked, leaning back in his chair and gazing at him intently.

Shrugging, Adam replied, "Who says that I will?"

Eyes narrowing dangerously, Eckhart reminded, "If you wish to fix our little...problem...then you will have to stop him from blowing.things...up."

"I know. And I will, don't worry," Adam assured him. He looked over at the door as Emma entered the office, a slightly anxious expression on her face. Walking over to the young woman, he squeezed her arm and continued, "It'll be all right."

Eyes wide, Emma shook her head. "He's going to think we betrayed him. He's going to hate us."

Adam shook his head. "No, Emma, it's going to be fine. I can reach him, I know I can."

Looking up at him, Emma whispered, "You know how he is, Adam. Trust is everything with Brennan."

He pulled her into his arms and murmured, "I know. But it'll be fine, I promise. I'll work it out, somehow."

* * * *

The Public Gardens weren't very busy this time of year. There were people looking at the early March flowers and wandering around in romantic couples, but it wasn't at all crowded. Just public enough so that any weapons' fire would be extremely noticeable. Brennan leaned on the fence that surrounded the exhibit, waiting. It was five minutes before five and so far, no sign of either Adam or Emma.

He hadn't gone back to Benny's after his stroll to the research center, wanting to protect Shalimar from her drive to get the others back. She was weak right now, too weak to go without extended rest and recuperation, no matter how she insisted otherwise. If only they had access to the medical technology of Sanctuary, either base, but there was nothing like that available to them. Having Shalimar whole and healthy was right up there with the need to get Adam and Emma back.

"You're not paying much attention for someone that should be expecting a bullet in the brain."

Brennan turned lazily at Adam's voice, firmly quelling the urge to grab the other man and squeeze until neither of them could breathe. Leaning back against the fence, he drank in the sight of Adam, the rested, easy aura that Brennan hadn't seen in almost a year. He was dressed in black slacks and shoes, and a brown leather jacket under which Brennan could see a tan sweater. He looked so good. "A bullet in the brain is the least of my problems right now."

Adam smiled at that and stepped closer, looking up at him with concern. "You look tired."

"You look good."

"How's Shalimar?"

"Not great, but not on death's door anymore. How's Emma?"

"She's doing fine. Death's door?"

Brennan nodded. "A little present from Eckhart. She was injured by some new biological weapon when you were taken. It sucks out all the energy from her, she barely has enough strength to go through the day without taking a nap or three."

Adam's eyes darkened with pain as he looked away from Brennan. "I didn't know."

Hesitant, Brennan reached out and touched the other man's shoulder, asking, "How could you?"

Sighing deeply, Adam reached up and touched Brennan's arm. "Can I ask you to listen to something, all the way through, and not make a judgment until the story's done?"

"Yeah, sure, of course. Why? What's up?" Brennan didn't like the way Adam's face was suddenly pinched with uncertainty. It wasn't an emotion he'd seen very often on the other man.

Adam led him away from the exhibit towards a bench not far away. When they sat, he rested his arm along the top of the bench, and against Brennan's back. "I should probably start by telling you why I asked you not to stop Eckhart's men from capturing me."

Brennan's lips twisted wryly. "Yeah, that'd be a good place to start."

"I swear that I didn't know about Shalimar, Brennan, you have to believe that, all right?"

"Of course I believe you. You've never lied to me, Adam," Brennan assured him. Instead of helping, though, the man looked almost pained at his statement.

"I leaked the location of Sanctuary II to Eckhart."

Of all the things Brennan had been expecting, that was nowhere on the list. Stunned, he couldn't think of anything to say, just looked stupidly at the other man.

Adam moved his hand to grasp Brennan's shoulder, as though he feared the younger man would rush off. "You have to understand, Brennan. I was lost for the first time in my life. Emma had been captured. Jesse was dead. Everything that I had accomplished with MutantX, or even hoped to accomplish, was in ruins because of one man's hatred and greed. I was paralyzed and couldn't think of anything else to do. So, I had Zach contact Eckhart with our location."

"Wh-what did you think that would do?" Brennan questioned, trying to remain calm.

"I don't know," Adam answered honestly. "I just.I couldn't think of anything else. There was a vague idea of infiltrating Genomex and rescuing Emma from the inside, but really, I didn't have a plan."

Some of the scariest words in the English language when coming from Adam's mouth, at least in Brennan's opinion. Clearing his throat, he asked, "So what happened?"

Adam didn't answer right away, instead looking around at the people moving easily through life with no real cares or worries, aside from everyday things. Sighing again, Adam half turned on the bench to face Brennan. "I haven't been in a stasis chamber, Brennan, and neither has Emma. We've been working with Eckhart on something that threatens all of us. Now wait, Brennan, you said that you'd listen all the way through! Please!"

Brennan stopped walking at the 'please' that was called after him. It was the anguished tone, not the word itself that stopped him. Keeping his back to Adam, Brennan's hands clenched into fists as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. Everything that he and Shal had gone through, it had all been for nothing? All the fear, and worry, and pain...for no reason?

A gentle hand touched between his shoulder blades and slid slowly down his spine. "Brennan, please, please listen to me. Don't leave without at least letting me explain."

Stiffly, Brennan turned and said, "Do you know what Shal and I have been through all these months? The pain and worry about you and Emma; no sleep, nowhere to live, not having enough to eat most of the time...all of it? And you're telling me that you were both fine and happy playing *scientist* the whole time?"

Adam moved forward and stared earnestly into Brennan's eyes. "You have to listen. This is so important.I'm sorry for putting you and Shalimar through so much. I'm sorry that you've been kept in the dark. And most of all, I'm sorry for hurting you because.because I love you, Brennan."

Jerking away at the final statement, Brennan snarled, "Don't you say that to me! Don't you dare! If this is what you call love, then I'd hate to see how you treat someone you don't even like."

Adam paled, but nodded, his hands falling to his side. "All right. I won't say it again. But will you let me explain?"

Brennan stared at him for a long, tense moment then nodded and agreed quietly, "I'll listen. But I'm making no promises to leave you in one piece when you're done."

"Fine...that's fine. I need to show you something, show you what Emma and I have been working on," Adam said.

"Does this involve going somewhere with Eckhart's goons?"

"Unfortunately, yes. You have to trust me one last time. I promise that you'll be safe."

"I don't need any promise of protection from you, Adam."

Adam held out his hand. "Will you come with me?"

After staring at the older man a moment longer, ignoring the outstretched hand, Brennan nodded and said, "Lead the way. Just don't expect anything."

Sadly, Adam nodded as well, agreeing, "I won't."

Part 2


I wish I had a reason, my flaws are open season.
For this I gave up trying, one good turn deserves my dying.
You don't need to bother. I don't need to be.
I'll never live down my deceit.
- Bother, Corey Taylor

The car ride was silent and tense; not that Adam had expected anything else. He looked surreptitiously at the other man, drinking in the sight like a man dying of thirst and found that Brennan looked both better and worse in person.

Better, because Adam hadn't seen the other man in so long that just being near Brennan lifted his spirit. The remembered solidity and presence were there in full force, if a bit ragged around the edges. It was like the ex-thief was a wall that nothing harmful could penetrate. Of course, that included him at the moment, which hurt, but was understandable.

Worse, because physically, Brennan didn't look at all well. Strain was definitely more than showing. The speed and agility that Brennan had always possessed seemed slurred. His elemental powers had mutated again, obviously granting him greater prowess, but Adam feared that it was burning him out as it almost did to Gabriel. He needed to get Brennan to a lab and check him out, but there was no chance of that any time soon.

What he really wanted to do, was take the younger man somewhere safe and make him sleep for a week. Part of the problem, he was sure, was that Brennan wasn't sleeping. Most people needed more sleep for stress, growing exhausted all the more quickly when they didn't recoup enough energy.

Over the years, Adam had discovered that Brennan was almost the opposite of that. During prolonged periods of stress and danger, Brennan's body just kept producing adrenaline, which meant, among other things, that he barely slept or ate until the crisis was over. And since this particular crisis had been going on for months, Adam was a little surprised that Brennan's body hadn't poisoned itself by now.

The other thing Adam really wanted was to be enveloped in those strong arms one more time. He'd taken the other man's physical affection for granted over the years of their friendship. The dearth of it all this time had exacted almost a physical toll. Adam wanted nothing more than to be pressed against that broad chest and breathe Brennan in. The other man had always been able to make him feel as though everything would work out all right. Even in the worst of Adam's depression and grief over Jesse and Emma, Brennan had been there for him.

Not anymore, from the look of things. If he couldn't convince Brennan that what he'd done was right, Adam would never have another chance again. Probably not with Shal, either, given her trust and loyalty drives as a feral. Sighing, Adam rubbed his eyes tiredly. He hadn't slept hardly at all last night, thinking about how the meeting with Brennan would go, and today had dragged as no other day ever had.

When the car turned onto the expressway and headed out of the city, Brennan frowned and asked, "Where are we going?"

"To my research facility," Adam replied.

"You have your own facility."

Ouch. If tone could kill...Brennan obviously thought that he'd reverted to 'rogue scientist'. Given the circumstance, Adam shouldn't have felt hurt, but he did. He knew that Brennan was angry
and confused, but Adam still felt that somehow, Brennan should know he'd never do anything like that again. "I do."

Brennan didn't respond further, he just looked out the window at the passing scenery.

Wishing that he knew what was going on in the other man's head, Adam leaned back in the seat. One of the problems with being on the wrong side of Brennan was his unpredictable nature, coupled by an extremely quick and able mind. You literally could never tell what he was going to do in any given situation. Another problem was that, while he didn't get angry often, because his generous nature didn't really allow it, Brennan seriously knew how to hold a grudge. And betraying his trust was definitely a grudge-earning event.

It was almost a half-hour later that they pulled into the driveway of the country estate Eckhart had given over to his research. Adam noticed a tightening of Brennan's jaw as he took in the spacious, three-story house. Getting out of the car, Adam walked silently towards the front door. By the time the security system had taken his retinal ident, Brennan had caught up. Looking up at the taller man, Adam found a blank mask in place, one that hadn't been seen in years. Adam winced mentally at its return; that wasn't good.

The inside of the house was completely different from the old-fashioned exterior. It was more like a scientific facility than a house, with plain white walls and linoleum floors. The soft hum of machinery, computers and diagnostic equipment, was a constant background noise that he didn't even really notice anymore. Adam motioned for Brennan to follow and started down the center hall towards his private office.

His office was fairly small, but comfortable with an old desk and set of leather chairs by it, as well as a faded couch along the wall. Adam gestured towards the couch, but Brennan took up position against the door, pointedly showing that he was already set to leave. Sighing faintly, Adam sat on the edge of his desk and said, "It's going to be a long story. You might as well be
comfortable."

"I am comfortable."

Seeing that the other man wasn't going to budge, Adam shrugged. "Suit yourself. Want anything to drink?"

Brennan shook his head and ordered, "Just get on with it, Adam!"

With a nod, Adam began the explanation of the last, bizarre year of his life. "When I got here, Eckhart wasn't gloating, which took me completely by surprise. He was serious, somber, and said that we couldn't afford to be at each other's throats any longer. That his experience over the years had taught him when to swallow his pride and ask for help, especially against something he couldn't fight alone."

"Ekhart swallow his pride?" Brennan interrupted in disbelief.

Adam grinned. "I know. That was my reaction too."

For a brief moment, the shared silence was comfortable, reminiscent of better times, then Brennan prompted, "Go on."

"Right. Well, he brought me to Emma's stasis pod. She looked like Sleeping Beauty, only with shorter hair. I remember being scared...scared that something would go wrong, that she wouldn't wake up when I was so close to getting her back."

Brennan nodded to show he understood.

"She was fine, of course. Eckhart is nothing if not meticulous in keeping all his options open." Adam grinned wryly this time and continued, "She was fighting mad when she woke up. If the subdermal governor hadn't been active, she probably would've leveled the place."

"That's my girl," Brennan crowed softly.

His grin fading somewhat, Adam observed, "That's how she still thinks of herself, as your girl. You two were always joined against the world, sometimes even against the rest of us. Don't blame her for any of this Brennan, it was my decision to keep you and Shalimar out of it."

"I still don't know what this whole thing is about."

"I know, I'm getting there," Adam assured him. He faced a chair towards the sofa, motioning towards it. "Please?"

Brennan eyed him for a moment longer, then gave in with an abrupt nod. He moved to the couch and took a few seconds to find a comfortable position for his lanky frame on the small piece of furniture. When he was settled, he prompted again, "Go on."Sitting in the chair and leaning forward, elbows on his thighs, Adam informed him, "This is where it gets strange."

Eyebrows arching, Brennan observed, "And things so far have been normal?"

"Good point. So. There we were. Emma had been revived as a sign of good faith on Eckhart's part. I had to at least listen to him, you know? We all three of us sat down and he had Emma scan him to verify that he was telling the truth. And let me tell you, if she hadn't, I wouldn't have believed it."

Frustrated, Brennan demanded, "Believed what!? You've been dancing around it this whole time!"

"This isn't our reality."

The quiet statement threw Brennan for a loop, that was pretty obvious from the speechless expression on his face. "Explain. And I want details, Adam."

Adam nodded, stood up, and walked around the desk, sitting in the chair behind it. He typed a few strokes on the keyboard and brought up the matrix he'd been working on for what seemed like forever. "Come and take a look at this."

With an air of reluctance, Brennan unfolded from the sofa and moved to stand behind Adam. He half-leaned over the scientist to get a good look at the monitor. On it was a 2-D model of the earth with straight lines and curves going around and through it. "What am I looking at?"

Adam raised a finger and pointed to a spot on the screen where most of the lines intersected with each other and the planet. "This is where it happened. Where and when, I should say. We don't know if it was a man-made incident, or naturally occurring, but I'm leaning towards man-made. All the psionics revived from stasis, and the ones I've contacted on my own, say the same thing. On November 10th, two years ago, there was a violent disturbance around the world.

"Do you remember? That night at dinner when Emma collapsed and we thought that she might die, she was so sick? There was no explanation for it at the time. She was severely disoriented and her temperature spiked so fast, there was almost brain damage before we could get it back down."

Brennan nodded, remembering the incident vividly. "Yeah, I remember. So what happened? What do you mean by, this isn't our reality? Isn't reality the world we live in? We're not all unconscious somewhere, like in that movie, right?"

Smiling faintly, Adam replied, "I'm going to lay aside the philosophical debates for the moment, and instead go into a little time theory."

Brennan groaned.

With a chuckle, Adam touched the keyboard a few more times and the model began to move. The earth rotated smoothly on its course around the sun, and the moon orbited around the earth. The lines tangled and untangled on a prearranged pattern. "I've been working on this almost since the moment Eckhart explained what he thought was going on. He was both right and wrong in his original assumptions. Time is a linear thing created by man as a frame of reference. You know the saying that those who don't know the past..."

"Are doomed to repeat it, yeah," Brennan finished, growing interested in spite of himself.

"What happened is along those lines, from what I've been able to gather," Adam informed him with a shrug. "I think that someone was trying to reverse something, or maybe prevent something from happening. I don't know what they were trying to do, but instead of working strictly with time, it somehow jumped into...dimensions, or alternate realities, or both. It's so unbelievable that most times I feel like I'm writing a science fiction novel instead of researching an actual event."

Straightening up, Brennan asked, "Why do you think we're in some other reality? I mean, there's probably a dozen reasons for the massive psionic attack, why go to the weirdest one?"

Adam leaned back and looked up at him as the words came spilling out from where he'd forced them down. The despair he felt at everything that had happened, the pain he'd caused to the people he cared most about in the world. "Because I can't accept that our world is supposed to be like this. A world where we've lost and Mutants are hunted by everyone who isn't one. A world where Jesse is dead, you and Shalimar hate me, and Eckhart and I are working together, hand in glove. Everything's upside-down, Brennan, don't you feel it? Can't you sense that life has grown darker and darker until it seems that evil is around every corner and you'll never see the light again?"

"Adam, man, of course I feel that way most times," Brennan answered with a scowl. "That doesn't mean that we've skipped worlds and left our own far, far behind. It's called depression, Adam, try prozac."

True depression came over Adam at the other man's angry statement. "So you don't believe me."

Striding towards the window, Brennan turned his back on Adam stared outside for a long time without answering. Finally, he said quietly, "What I can't believe, is that you've kept me and Shal locked out all this time. What I can't believe, is that you would let us think that the two of you were in a stasis pod, buried away somewhere while you've been fine and working with Eckhart. What I can't believe, is that you would betray our trust like that. Betray my trust like that.

"We've been friends for how long? About seven years now? Why would you do all that? We've always worked together, that's how we stayed on top for so long, Adam. Because we had each other and our...friendship."

If Adam hadn't been listening so closely, he wouldn't have heard the slight hitch in Brennan's breath. Coming out of his chair, he closed the distance between them and put his hand flush against the younger man's back. "I'm so sorry, Brennan. If I'd known that Shalimar was injured, or the way that you'd been living, I never would have kept you out like that."

It was evidently the wrong thing to say, because Brennan stiffened and shoved him away, hard enough that Adam stumbled back, hitting the corner of the desk painfully against his hip.

Furious, Brennan spat, "Those are the only reasons that you would have let us in!? What about...oh, fuck it! And fuck you, Adam! You're on your own because I'm out of here."

"Brennan, please!" Adam exclaimed.

But the other man didn't stop this time. He stalked out of the office without even bothering to slam the door, which somehow seemed all the worse to Adam. Defeated, feeling every one of his years like a boulder on his chest, he sat in the chair and sagged onto the desk, laying his head in his hands.

Without Brennan, what was the point? What was left? Duty? No comparison to the warmth of his best friend's trust and devotion. The trust and devotion...and love, he saw now, that he'd destroyed.

* * * *

I'm going to love you, like nobody's loved you, come rain or come shine...
I guess when you met me, it was just one of those things.
But don't ever bet me, cause I'm gonna be true, if you let me...
- Come Rain or Come Shine, Billy Holiday

"I thought I would find you here."

Brennan looked up at Shalimar's voice but immediately returned to contemplating the dark brown liquid of the ale he'd been nursing. "Didn't you get my message?"

She sat beside him, motioning towards the bartender as she leaned on the counter top. "Sure did. Spoke to Emma about an hour ago. She said that Adam's devastated by whatever you said to him."

"He deserved it," Brennan muttered, savagely kicking the bar.

"That's adult. How old are you now? Twelve?"

"Oh, knock it off, Shal," Brennan ordered angrily. "He betrayed us! He put us through hell for no good reason!"

"Hm. Well. Unlike some people, I actually bothered to listen to the full explanation."

Glaring, Brennan demanded, "What are you talking about? Adam told me all about the supposed alternate reality."

Shalimar met his glare with a level gaze. "And you don't believe him."

He took a deep drink of the bitter brew before answering, "That's the hell of it. I do believe him. Adam wouldn't make something like that up and he'd have done his homework to back it up. I just...how could he do that to us?"

Resting an arm over his shoulder, Shalimar asked softly, "Don't you mean, `how could he do that to you?'"

Throat closing with emotion, Brennan didn't reply.

"You're one of the most stubborn men that I know, and that's saying something," Shalimar observed at last, shaking her head. "When are you going to tell him that you're in love with him, and because of that, him keeping you in the dark hurt like a sonuvabitch?"

Brennan's mouth dropped open as he looked over at her. "How did you know?"

Snorting, Shalimar answered, "I've known for about three years now. Ever since we rescued Adam from that rogue elemental. It was the only time I've ever seen you kill and it was to protect him, not any of us."

The memory of holding Adam's bruised and fire-blackened body returned all-too easily to Brennan. He'd been sure that the other man had been dead, hadn't felt any pulse and was about to start CPR when Adam had drawn in a ragged breath. He'd taken a few precious seconds while the others were busy to hold Adam, pressing his lips to an unmarked patch of skin on his throat. "I, uh, I don't know what to say?"

"How about, `I'm an idiot and will go apologize to Adam right away?'" Shalimar suggested with a grin.

But Brennan shook his head. "I can't, Shal. It's not my feelings that are causing me to act like this. How can we trust him again? How can I trust him again? What if he thinks that doing something that will hurt you or Emma is really the best thing? What if he keeps us in the dark again?"

Shalimar countered with, "What if you never see him again? What if keeping us in the dark was for the best? What if he's right, but now that he's lost your support, he can't go on and figure a way out of this pit we call a life? What if...what if he can bring Jesse back, but won't now that he doesn't have a reason?"

"That's dirty pool, Shal."

"I can't hold back to save your feelings, Bren. This is too important to spare them. Your feelings, even your heart, don't really matter here," Shalimar said quietly, a sympathetic light in
her eyes. "Not to be melodramatic or anything, but the fate of the world depends on what Adam can do to fix this. If you apologizing to him for whatever you said is what it takes to get him back on track, then that's what you're going to do."

Sourly, he commented, "I suppose I have no say in this."

"None whatsoever," she replied in a serious tone.

They stared at each other for a long minute before Brennan nodded abruptly. "All right. I'll talk to him. But I'm not promising anything."

Lips twisting into a half-grimace, Shalimar stated, "Of course not. C'mon, let's go."

* * * *

Adam looked a damn sight worse than the last time Brennan saw him. Standing in the doorway into Adam's office, Brennan watched the older man as he stared at the computer monitor, though it was obvious he wasn't doing any work. His face was lined and pinched, an air of desolateness permeating the space immediately around him. Clearing his throat, Brennan entered the office and closed the door behind him.

"Brennan," Adam rasped in shock, dark eyes wide.

That was when Brennan smelled the alcohol and saw the half-finished bottle of Scotch on the desk. Damn. Had he really driven Adam to drink? The scientist never drank, or, at least it was a rare and usually happy occasion when he did. And always wine, never hard liquor. "Adam."

"Back to kick me while I'm down?"

Brennan snorted, leaning against the doorframe. "No. I might lie, cheat, and steal, but I do draw the line at that."

Adam shook his head and replied, "You don't do any of those things, not anymore."

Looking intently at the other man, Brennan admitted, "I did all of those things since you were taken, Adam. I went right back into the low-life trying to get any information about where you might be held. I did whatever necessary to make sure that Shalimar had a place to rest and food to eat, and that includes taking a few jobs. Most people were happy to have me back, but I have to tell you, I felt like shit stealing again. Especially when I used my powers to pull it off."

With a wince, Adam got to his feet and staggered towards Brennan. Brennan steadied the other man, then stepped back, careful to keep distance between them.

"We should probably have this discussion when I'm a little more sober, but it needs to be said," Adam stated with a sigh. He leaned against the desk to keep the world from spinning out of control. "I couldn't tell you and Shalimar what was going on because to do so would further disrupt the time-line, or reality, or whatever the hell you want to call it. I couldn't take the chance of things going even more off kilter than they already were."

"I know."

Surprised, Adam frowned and asked, "How? I never got a chance to tell you."

Brennan shrugged, answering, "Shalimar talked to Emma and then filled me in on the rest of what was happening on the drive here."

"Shalimar's here?" Adam demanded, looking towards the closed door.

Nodding, Brennan confirmed, "She is. And as soon as we're done in here, you can say hello and then figure out how to cure her."

Adam nodded as well. "I've already got some ideas on that. Eckhart explained the weapon that she'd been hit with to me earlier. Before I started trying out the Scotch."

"Adam..." Brennan trailed off, unsure what to say. His heart was telling him to keep his distance, that he'd be hurt again if he even thought about forgiving the other man. His head was telling him that Adam had done the best that he could under bad-to-worse choices. Closing his eyes, he whispered, "I can't do this again. I loved you so much. Wanted you so badly all these years, wanted you all for myself and not have to share you with The Cause. I know you did what you had to do here, I really do. But it hurts, Adam, hurts so bad."

There was a brief silence, then Adam said in a thick voice, "I'm so sorry, Brennan. I...I wanted to tell you, I did, but I couldn't risk it."

Breathing deeply, Brennan slowly released the air from his lungs and opened his eyes. Meeting the other man's dark, pained gaze, he said simply, "I know."

"You can't forgive me for it," Adam guessed, swallowing almost convulsively. His hands gripped the desk so hard that his knuckles turned white.

Brennan shook his head firmly. "You're already forgiven, that's not the problem here."

"Then what..."

"Trust, Adam," Brennan interrupted. "That's the issue. I can't love you without trust, and I don't trust you anymore."

It was Adam's turn to close his eyes. After a long, poignant silence, they opened again and he replied, "I understand. What now?"

"Now we get you sobered up, Shalimar back to full strength, and then we do what we always do: kick ass and take names."

Part 3


Back, back, back, in the dark of your mind,
where the eyes of your demons are gleaming,
Are you mad, mad, mad, about the life you never had,
yeah, even when you are dreaming?
- Back, Back, Back, Ani DiFranco

Life seemed to move into a strange sort of routine for the former members of MutantX. They lived together again, in the research building that Eckhart had given to Adam. It took a couple of weeks, but Adam came through and found a cure for Shalimar. A few days after he gave her the injection, after sleeping almost thirty-six hours straight, she was leaping and jumping and kicking Brennan's ass in sparring sessions again.

Brennan had never been so happy to be bruised and battered in his life.

Adam spent most of his time in the lab with Emma and a few other scientists that Eckhart had lured into their confidence. So far as the outsiders knew, they were working on a theoretical challenge and were only too happy to get paid so well for something they considered an interesting conundrum never to happen. What they thought about what most people would determine as excessive security measures, and the way Brennan and Shalimar prowled around, wasn't discussed.

Whenever Eckhart came by for an update, Brennan enjoyed scaring the man a little by looking at him without a smile and sparking electricity between his fingertips.

The last time he did it, Adam had grinned at him after the door had shut behind Eckhart and chided, "You really shouldn't do that."

With a smirk, Brennan replied, "Don't ruin my fun."

"Me? Never."

Brennan chuckled and asked, "So how are things going? In layman's terms, please. All that egghead speak gives me a headache, even if it turns Eckhart on."

"Oh, please, don't give me that kind of a visual," Adam pleaded, dark eyes glowing with humor. "And things are going as well as they can This isn't something that will be solved overnight."

Stretching his legs over the side of the couch, Brennan frowned and asked, "You've never said what you think will happen when all of this is `fixed'. Will we spring back to that point in time and then move forward without even realizing that this all happened? Will we go back, but remember everything? Or will nothing happen at all?"Adam sighed and sat on a nearby chair. "I don't know, to be honest. I know what I'm hoping will happen."

"Which is?"

"That we'll wake up on November 11, 2004 and this will all seem like a bad dream we can't quite remember," Adam answered heavily. "That Jesse will be alive and we'll all be in Sanctuary II without any of this having happened."

"And if it doesn't?"

"Then we go on as best we can."

Brennan could almost feel the pain coming from the older man in the quiet statement. In the last few weeks, he hadn't spent a lot of time in Adam's company, preferring instead to stick around Shalimar and keep an eye on her. Now that the woman was back to full strength, that was no longer necessary and he felt somewhat at loose ends.

It was easy to remember all the times he'd spent with Adam in the lab at Sanctuary. He hadn't really been helping Adam back then, just kind of hanging around and making sure the other man hadn't done himself any incidental damage in his drive to figure out whatever he was working on. It usually involved pestering and poking fun at science in general and scientists in particular. Abruptly, he demanded, "Why did you let me hang around so much before? In the lab, I mean. It's not like I was any real help to you, not like Emma or Jesse."

Plainly startled by the question, Adam frowned and refuted, "You were a lot of help to me, Brennan."

"Oh, yeah, I can see that," Brennan agreed, rolling his eyes. "Harassing you at all hours, no matter how important the thing you were working on was."

Adam chuckled. "Well, help does come in many forms."

"I'm serious," Brennan insisted.

Thoughtful, Adam leaned back in his chair and said, "So am I. Brennan, do you really not know how helpful you are to me? Even now, when you don't want to be?"

Brennan opened his mouth to deny the charge, but couldn't under the knowing, dark eyes staring back at him. Finally, he just asked, "How?"

Shaking his head, Adam muttered, "I can't believe you really don't...all right. Let me be blunt. Your mind doesn't work the same way that most people's do."

Brennan snorted. "Really."

Amusement quirked in Adam's eyes as he continued, "Really. I don't know if it's because of the way you were raised, because of your mutant physiology, because of the path you took in life, or all of those reasons. You're extremely intelligent, Brennan. I gave you an IQ test once without you even knowing it, and you're almost off the charts. You just use your intelligence in atypical ways. You're an excellent problem solver, very creative in your solutions, and think outside of the box so often that I don't even know when you last saw the box.

"Having you with me in the lab is always an experience, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Because you haven't learned the traditional scientific method, you look at a problem like it's a job to be pulled and there's always a way to sneak in and get it done. A lot of times, when I'd given up on something, you come completely out of left field and ask me a question. And it's always in that, `well, I know I'm stupid for asking, but what about this?' tone of voice. That's what bothers me the most, that you don't value, or maybe don't even realize, your own intelligence," Adam finished.

Flushing under the praise, Brennan was trying to think of something to say when an alarm went off. Moving instinctively, Brennan shot to his feet and grabbed Adam, yanking him away from the front office door and the window to put the solid wall at their backs. Raising his communications ring, he asked, "Shal? Emma? What's going on?"

"Get out, Bren! Get Adam out! Government agents are swarming up the driveway!" Shalimar shouted over the communicator. "I've got Emma, we'll contact you once we're safe."

Looking at Adam's pale face, he quirked a grin at the other man and said, "I guess you're a little closer to a solution than you thought. C'mon. Let's get out of here."

Adam grabbed his laptop and they moved to the window where Brennan looked out to see if the way was clear. Fortunately, they were on the first floor and the drop wouldn't be that bad. Seeing no one in the way, he opened the window and jumped out, dropping easily to his feet. He kept a lookout until Adam jumped out. They walked to the front edge of the house and saw several nondescript cars parked in the driveway, agents in dark suits fanning out and entering the house to search for them.

"Time for a distraction," Adam whispered.

Brennan nodded and pulled the electricity the flowed through him like blood to his fingertips. It was a rush, every time, and he briefly wondered if that was a benefit to assure the use of his
powers; kind of like orgasm making sex pleasurable enough to ensure that people would do it to propagate the species. He made a vague mental note to talk to Adam about it later and focused his attention on the two cars closest to the house.

Stepping into the open, Brennan flung his hands forward, releasing the massive surge of energy when they fully extended. Lightening streaked from his fingers to the cars, blowing them up in
spectacular fashion. As the agents either dropped to the ground or milled about in confusion, Brennan and Adam rushed to the car at the end of the driveway. He took another moment to scan the area for Emma and Shalimar and found that they were running in the opposite direction, into the woods.

Knowing that Shal's feral nature was best suited to just those surroundings, Brennan grinned and sent another bolt of energy to the house, aiming for the security system. The lightening arced across the distance and hit it squarely, shorting out the entire electrical system in the house. It would also short out all the remaining computers so the data would be irretrievable. Mission accomplished, he got into the driver's seat and started the car with a light burst of energy into the key socket, starting the engine smoothly.

He backed the car up and spun onto the main road, ignoring the deathgrip Adam had on the dash and the door. He'd been perfecting the high-speed chase since he was fourteen and no one had, as yet, ever caught him once he was in a car; even a crappy US Government car like this one. Aiming for the city, Brennan pushed the car as fast as it could go, wanting to get distance between them and the agents so he could stop and they could steal another car and dump this one.

"Nice to see you've kept in practice," Adam observed, finally letting go of the door, if not the dash.

Grinning, Brennan replied, "I'm a multi-talented kind of guy."

"That's what I've always said."

"Uh huh. Sure."

Adam released the dash and settled back in the seat. "I wish I knew what had set off the trip wires, so to speak. Which avenue of research triggered the raid."

"Maybe it was just a Mutant raid," Brennan suggested.

"With that many agents?"

"Good point."

Looking out the window, Adam thought for a moment then said, "I think the question of this being a man-made problem has just been answered. And if that's the case, there's a solution."

After a silent moment, a sly smile overcame Brennan as he asked innocently, "Well, I know I'm stupid for asking, but what about checking in with Jesse's dad? He might not be in the game any more, but he sure as hell knows who is."

Adam looked at him sharply then rolled his eyes at Brennan's expression. "Very funny. Also, a very good idea."

* * * *

The meeting place was a rather nice restaurant, and Brennan dug into the meal with the gusto of someone who wasn't used to having so much food at once.

"You're going to make yourself sick, eating like that," Adam observed quietly.

Brennan shook his head. "No chance. Bottomless pit, remember?"

"Five years ago, maybe."

"Hey! Are you implying that I'm getting old?"

"Implying? Not at all."

Brennan opened his mouth to make a sarcastic reply when Jesse's dad arrived. He put down his fork with a quasi-glare at Adam and stood up, holding out his hand. Frank looked much older than the last time he'd seen him. There were tired lines on his face and his strength seemed to have been cut in half. Of course, having lost a son like Jesse would knock the wind out of anyone, even a year later.Frank took it and gave him a faint smile. "Good to see you again,
Brennan. Adam."

Adam nodded seriously at the other man, a flicker of guilt running across his face. It occurred to Brennan to wonder just what Adam had told Frank about Jesse's death. Had he slanted it to make it look like it had been Adam's fault? Knowing Adam as he did, and seeing the cool way Frank was treating the other man, made that entirely likely. Sighing to himself, Brennan asked, "Did you find anything out?"

"Not much," Frank answered, sitting beside Brennan. He took a sip of water then continued, "Just a name of a project called `Backtrack.' There's no information on it officially. Its funding is funneled through so many dummy corporations that it would be next to impossible to find out exactly who is funding it. My guess is some black-ops offshoot of the CIA."

"Do you have a location?" Adam asked quietly.

Frank shook his head. "All I could get from your description was the name."

"That's great. We can find out the rest from here," Brennan assured him.

Surprised, Adam asked, "We can?"

Brennan's lips twisted into a grimace. "Yeah, we can, but you don't want to know how. I'll take care of it."

"Be careful, Brennan," Frank warned.

"I will, thanks."

Frank nodded and he left without another word. Brennan watched him go then shrugged and attacked his dinner.

"I do want to know."

Adam's quiet statement sent Brennan's eyes over to the man. The dark eyes were serious, but determined and Brennan half-grinned at the challenge. Before he could respond, though, Shalimar and Emma walked up to the table. Shalimar sat beside Adam and Emma slid into the
booth beside him.

"So what did Frank have to say?" Emma asked.

Brennan shrugged. "He just had a project name."

"Like?" Shalimar prompted.

"Backtrack. Which certainly fits what we're looking for."

All three mutants looked at Adam when he spoke. There was a tone to his voice that none of them had heard since before Emma's capture. Brennan almost smiled at its return, but managed to keep a neutral expression. The last twenty-four hours had shown a marked change in the other man. There was an undercurrent of the old, protective anger Adam had always shown when they were in danger.

Brennan didn't know what had sparked the change, but he was grateful for it.

"Brennan has a contact who should be able to find out more information for us," Adam continued.

Shalimar's eyebrows arched as she asked, "Oh yeah? Who?"

Uncomfortable now that Shalimar was present, Brennan said reluctantly, "Sam."

Shalimar stiffened. "No chance in hell, Brennan."

"Shal, there's no choice here. He's the only one with the right contacts to finish this," Brennan replied.

"I'm not going to let you..."

"Shalimar! You promised!"

As they stared at each other, Brennan slightly pleading and Shalimar angry, Emma and Adam exchanged confused looks. Emma shrugged to indicate that Sam was new to her and Adam nodded, then gestured silently towards the ladies' room.

"Shal. Let's go powder our noses," Emma ordered, standing.

Shalimar didn't move for another few seconds. Then she growled, whether in anger or warning was indeterminate, and followed the smaller woman away from the table.

Brennan could feel Adam's eyes upon him, but refused to look up and meet them.

"You want to tell me what that was all about?" Adam asked quietly.

Poking at his plate with a fork, Brennan shook his head. "Not really."

"I see."

When nothing further was said, Brennan glanced up and immediately wished that he hadn't. Adam's pained regard told him that even though the older man didn't know what had happened, he was imagining the worst and blaming himself for it. An embarrassed flush rose, as Brennan dismissed, "It's nothing. Shal's making a big deal over nothing. Sam's a pretty unpleasant guy, but he gets the job done."

"Not if it hurts you in the process."

The calm, certain statement did a lot towards healing that particular wound, as did the silently promised retribution if Adam ever met Sam. Unexpected emotion flooded Brennan and he closed his eyes against it. This was what he'd been missing for so long: the instant and total support of Adam's love. Damn Adam for making him feel this way!

The gentle touch of Adam's hand covering his, opened Brennan's eyes."Brennan...please let me in."

It would be so easy to do, habit really, to let Adam fix everything, but Brennan knew that if he did, they'd fall right back to where they'd been. As tempting as that was, as much as he wanted his best friend and mentor back, Brennan wanted so much more now. In the midst of the nightmare they were living, Brennan wanted everything that Adam had to give. If Adam thought he needed saving and protecting like he was twenty-five again, Brennan knew that he'd never be thought of as an equal.

And Brennan knew that Adam could never really love someone who wasn't his equal, so he slowly pulled his hand away and said, "No. You have to trust me, Adam I know what I'm doing. I appreciate your concern, and Shalimar's, but I can handle myself. Sam is the only one I can think of who can find out what we need to know. If you have anyone else, then sure, let's use them.otherwise, we've got no choice, just like I told Shal."

Brennan saw that Adam was torn between wanting to prevent a repeat of whatever had happened and the truth that there was nowhere else to go.

Frustrated, Adam finally said, "All right. But I'm going in with you."

Shaking his head, Brennan replied, "You're missing the point. I can do this on my own. I'm not some inexperienced kid that you have to protect."

"I've never thought of you like that, Brennan," Adam denied quietly, leaning forward on the table. "I know you can take care of yourself, but I won't send any of you into a dangerous situation without backup, especially if it's available."

"Then send Shalimar or Emma with me."

"Why are you making this so difficult?"

Also leaning forward on the table, Brennan hissed, "Because you've always tried to take care of us, Adam! You thought that we were somehow too young, or too inexperienced to work things out on our own!"

"That's not true," Adam exclaimed, obviously trying to keep his voice down. "I have never tried to shelter any of you from this life, as much as I wanted to! I can't help feeling responsible for
you, that's true; without my interference, none of you would be what you are. But I respect and believe in all of you."

"So you consider me as an equal."

"Of course I do!"

"Then why did you tell Frank that Jesse's death was your fault? If it's anyone's fault, it's mine since Jesse died to save me. And if you really think that we can hold our own, why not bring me and Shal in on this entire insane situation at the beginning? We certainly could've continued to act like we knew nothing was going on. Lying's not really that difficult for me. How can you sit there and tell me that I'm an equal, when you don't even treat me like an adult half the time?"

Adam stared at him in shock; each point Brennan listed, hitting him with an almost physical flinch.

Softening, Brennan reached across the table and took Adam's hand in his. With a faintly wry grin, he said, "I'll admit that I like it when you take care of things, I always have. I also know that this isn't the kind of world where that can be who I am anymore. It hasn't been for almost two years now. Until you can change how you see me, and until I can really trust you again, I don't see any chance for us to have what we both want."

"Brennan...I'm sorry...I didn't know you felt that way," Adam replied, squeezing Brennan's hand. "I don't think I even knew I was treating you like that."

Brennan snorted and said, "That would be because I never said anything. It's not all your fault, Adam. Not like I grabbed you and told you how I felt. I should have, though, because maybe it would have made all of this..." and here he waved his hand to indicate the situation in general, "...easier for you to bear. Maybe if I had, things would be a lot different now. The fact of the matter is, you don't know what I've been through these last months, and I'm not ready to talk about it. One day, if things calm down, maybe.

"But you're still not going to be able to kiss the boo-boo and make things better. Even if we succeed in putting things back to the way they were, it won't change what's happened, unless things are totally wiped clean. To be honest, I don't know if I want that or not because I kinda like the man I've grown into, well, for the most part," Brennan amended with a grin.

Thoughtful now, Adam rested his chin on their joined hands. "I'd like to get to know the man you've grown into, if you'll let me."

After a long pause, Brennan nodded slowly. "I'd like that, too."

Part 4


This world can turn me down,
But I won't turn away.
I won't duck and run,
Cause I'm not built that way.
- Duck and Run, Three Doors Down

Emma and Shalimar both flanked Brennan as he walked inside a converted warehouse on the south side of the city. They'd been searched for guns by the guards outside, but everyone knew they didn't need weapons; they were weapons. Inside, the warehouse was wide open with one side devoted to a drug trade and the other filled with computers. With all of the people working at various stations, aside from the drugs, it could have been any industrial company.

Walking up to meet them, Sam Mishel wore a broad grin, too-tight jeans and a loose sweater that did little to conceal his rounded but very strong body.

"Brennan! I didn't expect to see you again," Sam greeted, dark eyes lingering over the other man.

Brennan shrugged. "Didn't expect to be here again."

Sam's eyes flickered over the women before returning to Brennan. "Your harem?"

With a smirk, Brennan answered, "More like my bodyguards."

At that, both Emma and Shalimar moved closer to him. Emma linked her arm with Brennan's while Shalimar tossed an arm over his shoulder.

"And what a body to guard," Sam observed lecherously. "So, you couldn't get enough of me, eh?"

Brennan shook his head firmly. "I would definitely not say that, but I need information and you're the only one who can get this kind of...sensitive intel."

"Oooh. Sensitive intel. I like the sound of that," Sam stated, rubbing his hands together.

"So let's talk."

After a moment, Sam nodded. "Sure. But lose the femme fatales. They don't go with my décor."

Emma tightened her grip around Brennan and whispered in his ear, "Go ahead. We'll be close enough to get to you if things go bad. And I'll keep Sam in mind to make sure he keeps his hands to himself."

Grinning, Brennan kissed her cheek, saying, "Thanks, Em. Be right back. Shal, keep an eye on our girl here, keep her out of trouble."

Eyes glowing briefly, Shalimar pulled her arm free, only to transfer it around Emma's shoulder and tug the other woman close. "Will do. Watch yourself."

"I will," Brennan agreed as he followed Sam away from the women, towards an office on the other side of the warehouse. He walked up a set of metal stairs and inside the much warmer place Sam used as an office.

The room brought back very unpleasant memories and the moment he stepped inside, Brennan started feeling like he couldn't breathe. As strong as he'd been, he hadn't been able to stop Sam from taking what he'd wanted. Brennan hadn't been able to do a damned thing.

"Drink?"

Sam's smarmy voice interrupted the flow of panic and Brennan swallowed convulsively before he could speak. "No. I'm good."

"Oh, you're more than good, but I think I'll pour myself a drink anyhow," Sam purred.

Brennan moved away from the other man, stopping at a large window that overlooked the entire warehouse. Shalimar and Emma were leaning against the wall directly beneath him, and Emma looked up just then, giving him an encouraging smile. Brennan didn't really return it, but he did quirk his lips briefly to reassure her that he was okay. Not that she wasn't monitoring the situation very closely, because he knew she was.

"So what sort of sensitive information can I track down for you, and what's in it for me?"

Brennan faced Sam, crossing his arms over his chest. "We need to know everything there is to know about a government project called Backtrack. Who runs it, where it's located, security, the everything."

"You don't want much now, do you?" Sam questioned, sidling closer.

With a shrug, Brennan easily sidestepped the larger man and walked to the door. He leaned his back against it, keeping an eye on Sam. The older man was bigger than Brennan, that was true, but he wasn't so sure that Sam was stronger. The last time they'd met, Brennan had been exhausted and Shalimar had been used against him, so there hadn't really been any question of fighting back.

It had been unpleasant, extremely unpleasant, but for whatever reason, Sam hadn't actually fucked him, he'd used Brennan to suck him off. Looking at the almost slovenly man who was staring back at him, the last of his fear from this man began to fade. It was, after all, about control and right now, he was in the driver's seat and fully intended to stay that way.

Bringing forth sparks to play between his fingertips, Brennan said, "You're going to find all of that out for me and in return, I'm not going to incinerate you and this warehouse. In return, I'm not going to hold our last...meeting...against you."

"Fuck off, Brennan. I don't have to do anything you say," Sam spat.

Brennan loosed a small bolt of energy into the other man, sending him sprawling into a couch. Brennan knelt on the edge of the couch, looking down at Sam and wiggled his still-lit fingers in front of the pained face. "Let's try this again. You're going to find out everything I need to know, and I'm not going to light you up like a fucking Christmas tree."

Nodding hurriedly, Sam stammered, "O-of course, Brennan! Whatever you say!"

"Good. I'll contact you tonight to see what you've got."

"I can't possibly...!"

A fountain of electricity arced into the air while Brennan wrestled with the temptation to give Sam a little taste of his own medicine. Sam must have seen the fury in Brennan's eyes, because he paled and squirmed, a look of near-panic on his face. That look of fear from Sam was enough to bank Brennan's impulse. His hand closed into a fist and he strode to the door, opening it but pausing in the entryway. "You're lucky I have other people's expectations to live
up to again, Sam. Real lucky."

* * * *

"Keeping out of trouble?"

Brennan jumped a little at Adam's question. He turned from the window where he'd been contemplating the bleak, rainy cityscape and looked at the other man. They'd holed up in a fairly inexpensive hotel, doubling up in occupancy to save what little funds they had left. None of them felt like contacting Eckhart for any reason, the old distrusts coming easily back to the surface.

Finally, Brennan managed a smile and replied, "Just thinking."

"So you're not staying out of trouble, then."

Brennan grinned genuinely at the teasing and watched Adam sit on the bed, the good mood seeming to drain from him the moment he sat down. The lines on Adam's face suddenly seemed unbearable to Brennan, but he forced himself to stay where he was.

Adam met his gaze for a long moment before he asked, "So how did the meeting go?"

"All right. Sam'll call tonight with the info."

"And...he didn't repeat any past actions?"

Brennan almost smiled at the hesitant and politely phrased inquiry. "Not with me being all electric again. He was the perfect gentleman. Well, he was still a pig, but he didn't touch me."

The moment the words were out of his mouth, Brennan knew they were a mistake. It took only a millisecond for Adam to decipher their meaning and, when he did an all-too-familiar, blank expression surfaced. It was the same expression Brennan had seen too much of after Jesse's death. It meant that Adam was blaming himself for what had happened and if Brennan didn't do something fast, all the progress they'd made, would go down the drain.

"Adam!"

Dark eyes shifted to meet his at Brennan's sharp call. After clearing his throat, Adam whispered, "What?"

Knowing he would probably regret it, Brennan pushed off from the wall and sat beside the older man. "We've had this discussion, Adam. Don't you dare blame yourself for what happened. If you do.I'll know you really don't trust me, or feel that I'm an equal."

It was emotional blackmail, and he knew it, but Brennan had done worse in the last few months. And it was worth it when the blankness fell away, pushed aside by a rueful expression as Adam sighed.

"I'm sorry. I can't help feeling the way I do," Adam said softly.

"I know. But you have to let it go. Just.be here for me now, okay?" Adam looked up at him. "Does that mean you want to talk about what happened?"

Quirking a smile at his friend, Brennan shook his head. "Not really. But I think I probably should."

Adam nodded, but made no move to comfort or touch him in any way.

"I've known Sam for a long time. Never liked him, and could usually stay out of his way," Brennan began. "He's an asshole with no mercy and a taste for power. He knew that he'd never be able to touch me when I was at the top of my game, so he did it when I couldn't fight back. He made me suck him off. Nothing painful, nothing damaging, certainly nothing permanent. Just...that helpless feeling, you know? He had Shal, and she couldn't fight back. I was running on empty, and my powers were right in the middle of mutating again so they were like, practically nil.

"And there you have it. When he was done, ah, the third time if I'm going to be completely truthful here, he let me go with a wad of cash and a slightly recovered Shalimar, since he'd had people taking care of her the whole time. I mean, if it's anyone's fault, Adam, it's mine. I knew better than to squat in that area of the city, he controls it like it's behind an iron curtain of his own making, but we were so exhausted. I couldn't carry Shal another step, I really couldn't. I tried, Adam, I did try to get her to safety, but I was so tired."

Brennan finally accepted the comforting arms that went around his waist as Adam pulled him tight. He buried his face in the crook of Adam's shoulder and let the tears come for the first and last time.

* * * *

Holding Brennan was something Adam hadn't thought would ever happen again. And while the circumstances were terrible, lying in bed with Brennan's weight on him was wonderful. He sighed and pressed his lips to the warm temple so close by, and wished that things had turned out so very different.

Brennan shifted against him, a long leg slipping between Adam's knees and he gasped when hip met groin. It had been a long time since he'd been interested in sex, but it had definitely been.er.
coming up lately. Adam had always known that he and Brennan shared more than most friends, the touching and time spent together, and he'd gotten a true glimpse of the depth of the other man's devotion for the 1st time, three years ago.

Adam definitely remembered the encounter with the rogue mutant, no matter what he told everyone else. The fact that Brennan had killed for him had shaken Adam to his very core. Despite the younger man's sometimes-dubious morals, Brennan had a serious streak of honor that refused to allow him to truly misuse his gift. And killing with his powers was on the `never-happen' list.

Only...it had happened. Brennan had killed to protect him and to this day, he wasn't sure how that made him feel. Guilty sometimes. Fiercely protected at others, that someone like Brennan could love him so much that morals weren't a consideration if Adam was in trouble.

Shaking his head, Adam breathed deeply and pressed his lips to the side of Brennan's throat. The salty aroma of tears lingered, but were overridden by the smell of Brennan himself. It had been a long day and Brennan hadn't showered that morning, there hadn't been time. Resting his head on the pillow, Adam murmured, "God, I love you. Nothing like that will ever happen to you again, Brennan, I swear it."

* * * *

And we don't say everything, that we could
so we can say later, oh you, misunderstood.
And I, I hold my cards up, close to my chest,
I say what I have to and I hold back the rest...
For every hand extended, another lies in wait.
Keep your eyes on that one, anticipate.
--- Anticipate, Ani DiFranco

The building where the project was housed looked like any other research facility. It was set just outside the city, off a main road, and seemed very respectable, considering what it contained. Brennan leaned back against the car seat and briefly closed his eyes, tired from the non-stop surveillance. He and Shalimar had been sitting there for almost two days, trying to get the rhythm of the place. Without high-tech toys, it was back to the old-fashioned method, which was fine by Brennan, almost nostalgic. Shalimar, however, practically radiated tension as she gazed upon the building through slit eyes, more often than not.

Speaking of which, it was about time for...

"Can we go now? We never used to do this!"

Brennan hid a grin at her impatience and repeated calmly, "That's because we never had to. We had all kinds of nifty things like visual and audio listening devices, not to mention Jesse who could walk through walls."

Hazel eyes peered at him in astonishment as Shalimar's jaw dropped.

"What?" he asked defensively.

A smile surfaced and she replied, "Nothing. I'm just surprised, is all. You don't talk about him often. And never like that."

Brennan sighed. "I know. I think.Adam and I had a long, ah, talk the other day and it helped. A lot. I think I'm starting to get passed everything because of it."

Shalimar looked back through the window.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Shal...I swear to God. If you even breathe an `I told you so,' I'll have to kill you," Brennan threatened.

"Who, me?"

Snorting, Brennan picked up his magazine and started reading again.

"I told you so."

Growling with mock-anger, Brennan reached across the seat and ruffled her hair backwards, just the way she hated it.

"Hey! Knock it off!"

Fortunately, he had a longer reach and easily kept her at bay. The playfulness stopped abruptly when Shalimar launched herself at him, straddling his lap and grabbing his head. The kiss not only took him by surprise, it shocked the hell out of him. He started to struggle against it when someone rapped on the window and he realized she was going for their cover. He yanked up his shirt and ripped her blouse open a few buttons.

"Damn it! This is my only good shirt!" she hissed, pulling back.

Grinning unrepentantly, he muttered back, "That's what you get for jumping me."

The same person rapped on the window again and they both opened the door and stumbled out of the car. Brennan slung an arm over her shoulder as Shalimar vainly tried to hold the shirt together.

A middle-aged police officer looked at them with amusement, though he was obviously trying not to show it. "I'm afraid we received a complaint about your, ah, presence here. You're going to have to move along."

Brennan smiled and said easily, "No problem, officer. We just got a little distracted."

"So I see," he observed. "Take the honeymoon somewhere else, okay?"

"Of course," Brennan agreed. "C'mon, honey, let's get back on the road. Thanks for understanding, officer."

"Hey, I remember what it's like to be young and in love. Good luck to you."

Brennan waved to the police officer before strapping on his seatbelt.

"What now?"

"I think I've got a good feel for the place, and Adam found the plans, so we should be good to go," Brennan answered. "Home, James."

Eyes rolling, Shalimar put the car in drive and pulled smoothly out onto the road.

* * * *

Adam observed the younger members of his team carefully. They were all running on fumes and he was tempted to put things off for a couple of days so they could rest. Unfortunately, he knew by their body language that they all just wanted this over with. Any attempt at a delay would only make them rebel and try something on their own.

Taking a deep breath, he asked, "So are we clear on who's doing what?"

"Only because we've been over it about ten times now," Brennan drawled.

Adam quirked an eyebrow at him and said, "Humor me. Go through it an eleventh."

"Emma and I are going to waltz up to the front door while you and Brennan go in the back. She'll put the whammy on the guards and then we'll take out the security system," Shalimar began.

Emma picked up the narrative with, "While we're doing that, you and Brennan will get to the Backtrack project area and find out exactly what sort of device they used and how to reverse its effects."

"Assuming all goes well," Brennan continued. "We'll be back to our reality before they realize what's going on."

"I hate assumptions. Speaks of poor planning," Adam sighed.

Brennan reached out and grasped his shoulder, massaging it lightly. Surprised and pleased by the unusual contact, Adam smiled at the other man and gripped the hand firmly. It was the first time Brennan had touched him since his outburst the other day. Almost as though the younger man had been ashamed of breaking down like that, even though he'd plainly needed it.

Brennan squeezed his shoulder lightly and asked, "So we ready to go?"

Nodding, Adam replied, "Ready as we'll ever be. But before we do anything, I want to say something and I need all of you to listen carefully."

He waited until he had their full attention. "We don't know what's going to happen today. We don't know that anything is going to happen today. But no matter what, you should all know that I love you, you're my family. If this works and the last couple of years never happens, then I just wanted to say that I'm proud of how you've all handled this nightmare. If we don't succeed, then know that no matter what reality we occupy, I.I couldn't ask for a better set of friends."

There was a long silence and then, unexpectedly, Adam found himself in the center of a group hug. Brennan drew him into a rough embrace and Shalimar and Emma surround him from behind. It was a circle of warmth and love that rejuvenated him as nothing else had in a very long time. He finally felt reconnected to them and ready to face the future, no matter what that future might be.

* * * *

Approaching the building from the other side of the security barrier brought back a lot of memories for Brennan. He grinned wolfishly at Adam as he melted a section of the chain link fence. Adam shook his head in amusement, but didn't comment as Brennan held aside the
ruined links for the older man to go through.

There weren't any guards outside the building so they wouldn't have any trouble until actually trying to enter the building. Jogging across the substantial yard was still nerve-wracking, even
considering the lack of security. Brennan's radar was screaming `ambush,' but they didn't have a choice. This was the only way to get where they needed to go.

Stopping at the emergency exit, Brennan looked at his watch and saw they were about three minutes early. "Now we wait. Not that that's my strong suit or anything."

Adam nodded and looked around. "It won't be long."

And it wasn't, of course, but to Brennan, it felt like forever. When his wristwatch finally beeped, he pulled up a thin tendril of electricity and overloaded the door alarm.

"Handy talent you've got there," Adam teased.

Brennan grinned, the tension relieved somewhat. "It is, isn't it?"

They entered the stairwell and immediately climbed the stairs. The project was supposed to be on the fourth floor, in the west wing. Brennan opened the door a crack and peered into the hall. "All clear."

Brennan stayed in front of Adam, keeping the other man as safe as he could, given their circumstances. It was as though every sense was magnified and he briefly wondered if this was how Shalimar felt all the time. Stopping at each door which, fortunately, had windows in the upper halves, Brennan checked for people and equipment. Not that they really knew what they were looking for; could be some massive piece of machinery or just some small, notebook computer looking item.

Brennan stopped short then slammed his arm back to keep Adam from walking past him. Flattening them to the wall, he turned and breathed into the older man's ear, "Guess who."

Adam's dark eyes looked up at him inquisitively.

"Eckhart."

Fury like Brennan had never seen flooded Adam's face. For a moment, he thought for sure the scientist would storm into the room and strangle Eckhart with his bare hands. Placing a restraining hand against Adam's chest, Brennan ordered softly, "Think."

Too slowly, the emotion left Adam, replaced by a cold mask. He stared into space for about half a minute and all the while, Brennan kept watch, waiting for someone to find them.

Finally, Adam straightened. He gazed up at Brennan and the mask fell away, revealing naked vulnerability and love. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I love you."

Brennan's bad feeling from before intensified, but before he could do anything, even respond, Adam pushed passed him into the lab. Groaning silently, Brennan followed inside.

Adam's voice was surprisingly calm as he greeted, "Hello, Mason."

Mason turned from the computer he was working on and smiled. "Adam. I was wondering when you would arrive."

"I didn't realize that I was invited, or I'd have come sooner," Adam replied, moving closer.

Brennan kept position by the door, keeping half an eye on the two men, and half on the outside corridor. The tension in the room was enough to melt steel, despite the pleasant tones being used.

Mason stood and gestured expansively. "You're always welcome."

"So what was the last two years? An experiment? A test? Mild and/or morbid curiosity?"

"None of the above, really," Mason replied. "This entire model was discovered quite by accident, but unfortunately, the young man in charge, the one who thought all of this up, was killed during the resultant explosion. You were the only one I knew who could.reset the track, as it were."

Eyeing Mason thoughtfully, Adam questioned, "Why not just tell me up front about everything? Give me his research to work from, instead of letting me bang my head against the wall trying to duplicate the event?"

"What little research we have is here, though most of it was destroyed in the explosion. As for coming clean at the start, well, you know me, that's not really in my nature," Mason explained.

"I see."

Brennan and Mason both waited while Adam digested the unexpected turn of events, watching him closely. Adam didn't say anything. He walked over to the computer that Mason had been at and looked over the screen. His fingers tapped a slow, lazy rhythm on the keyboard as he surfed through various menus.

Impatient, Mason asked, "What are you doing?"

"Just looking through your files," Adam replied calmly. "Isn't that what you wanted me to do?"

Mason frowned. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Like what?"

"Like you don't care."

"Should I?"

"You certainly used to."

"I think, perhaps, you've finally cured me of that."

Mason snorted, an unusual and somehow disturbing sound coming from someone who strove continuously to be dignified. "The day that happens, the Earth will cease to rotate."

"There is something that you failed to take into account, Mason."

"What's that?"

"Whether or not I'd care to live in a world of your making, accidental or otherwise."

That was all the warning anyone got before Adam launched himself at Mason. By the time Brennan got to the fight, Adam had his hands clenched around Mason's throat and was squeezing so hard that the fragile man was already turning blue. Brennan grabbed Adam around
the chest and hauled him away, kicking and struggling. It took all his strength to restrain the older man as Brennan dragged him to the other side of the room. "Adam! Adam, stop! Stop it! Come on, man, knock it off! You're going to hurt yourself!"

"I don't care anymore! Don't care!"

Brennan flipped the other man as carefully to the ground as he could, wincing when Adam's head connected with the floor. Straddling Adam, Brennan pinned his arms over his head to keep him down. The struggle continued for another few minutes, but at least Adam went silent so they wouldn't have to worry about guards showing up.

Breathing heavily, Brennan didn't move a muscle, keeping his grip tight and his body weight firmly in place so he couldn't be thrown off. After his heart settled down a bit, he gasped, "Adam?"

Adam shook his head, eyes shut. "I can't do this anymore, Brennan, I can't."

Hearing the despair in his voice, Brennan released him and stretched out alongside him, pulling Adam into a full body embrace. "It's going to be okay, Adam, I promise."

Adam curled against him, face buried in the hollow of Brennan's shoulder, but there were no tears, no wetness against his skin. He suspected that Adam was too exhausted to cry. Sighing, Brennan looked beyond the older man to Eckhart, who was leaning against a desk, gasping for breath. Their eyes met and the scientist's widened in alarm. He reached for a phone as Brennan released a jolt of electricity that would stun him long enough for them to get out, plus a little extra juice for what he'd put them all through.

Turning his attention back to the man in his arms, Brennan murmured, "C'mon, Adam, time to go. We have to get out of here before reinforcements show up."

It took a while, but finally, Adam stirred and then rolled into a sitting position. Sighing deeply, he said, "All right. Let's finish this."

Frowning, Brennan asked, "Finish what? There's nothing here."

In answer, Adam got to his feet and walked back to the computer he'd been tinkering with. Brennan walked to the door and peered out the window, thankful to find it still clear. He heard fingers tapping over a keyboard and glanced over at the other man. Adam was bent over the terminal, typing furiously.

Faster than Brennan could follow, menus popped up and disappeared on the monitor. "What're you doing?"

"Making sure that Mason can't do anything like this again," Adam answered grimly. "Emma? Shalimar?"

"Yeah, Adam?" Shalimar replied over the comlink.

"Get out of the building now. Brennan and I are done here."

Eyebrows arching, Brennan asked, "We are?"

Adam pulled a cd from the hard drive and pocketed it. "We are."

Brennan took another look outside, then opened the door and gestured for Adam to precede him. They were halfway to the stairwell when a group of Genomex personal turned the corner. For a moment, it was a tossup as to who was more surprised. Everyone stopped short and stared for a few seconds. Brennan recovered first and shot out a net of lightening, stunning everyone. Feeling Adam's gaze on him, he turned and prompted, "What?"

"We're going to have a talk about just how much your powers have grown as soon as we have time," Adam warned.

Rolling his eyes, Brennan replied impatiently, "Fine. Can we go before more of them show up?"

With a brief, tired grin, Adam nodded and they jogged the rest of the way to the stairs.

They made it safely to the rendezvous point, where Shalimar and Emma were already waiting. They got in the car and Brennan stepped on the accelerator. Feeling as though every muscle in his body was aching, Adam leaned his head back on the headrest.

"Well? What happened?" Shalimar demanded from the backseat.

"There was nothing there," Adam answered, closing his eyes. "Not a damn thing to use. Destroyed in an explosion and Eckhart behind it all."

"Fuck!"

Adam snorted in surprise at Emma's exclamation, opening his eyes to look out the window.

Brennan glanced over at him and asked, "So what now?"

The highway they were driving down was fairly deserted and Adam closed his eyes again. "Now we rest and regroup. I need time to think, time to plan, and we've all got wounds to heal."

From the silence, Adam knew that his statement was a true one.

END