TITLE: "Pain"

AUTHOR: JenCat004

RATING: R

DISCLAIMER: A brutal angst bit

PAIRING: Brennan/Jesse

SEQUEL?: Doubtful

ARCHIVE?: Sure, just let me know where!

SUMMARY: Jesse is suffering

FEEDBACK?: Yes, please! Feedback feeds the muse, so I write even more...

NOTES: Just something bleak and dark that spewed out of my current depression

Pain
by JenCat004

"I'm sorry, Jesse, there was nothing we could do. The injuries were far too severe. The was no way I could save him."

The words reach my ears, and I hear them, but they make no sense as I stare numbly down at the burned and bruised corpse of my lover, my head shaking back and forth numbly, over and over, as if my refusal to accept the situation will make it not real.

"No, Adam, you have to do something," I say dully, shaking my head harder. "You have to save him!"

"I'm sorry, Jesse, I really am. But Brennan is dead."

"No, no, no, no," I stutter out as reality starts to sink its talons into me, and I shake violently as I feel it piercing my flesh, hoping to make it retreat. "No, Adam, no, he can't be dead, he CAN'T be!"

"I'm so sorry, Jesse," he says quietly as he rests a hand on my trembling shoulder, jumping back in surprise as I violently shrug it off, whirling on him furiously.

"Don't waste time talking to me, HELP HIM!" I scream as I throw my arm towards what is left of the only person I have ever truly loved. "Damn it, SAVE him!"

My mind goes blank as Adam starts to talk, my ears shutting down, refusing to listen, refusing to accept this. I lose patience with all his words and shove him aside, racing over to Brennan.

"If you won't help him, I will!" I shout as I frantically start CPR, my hands pushing frantically against the charred skin on his chest, my mouth desperately forcing air between his bloody lips again and again, howling in desperate rage between breaths. "Damn it, Brennan, BREATHE!" I order the motionless body on the table, pounding on his unmoving chest, my head spinning from lack of air as I force my entire breath into him. "Don't TOUCH me!" I shriek, my voice savage as I swat Adam away, throwing myself across Brennan again. "Come ON!" I scream hysterically, slapping Brennan's cheek, then shaking him violently when he refuses to budge. "Don't you DARE go! You can't leave me, you can't, you can't, you CAN'T! Wake UP! Damn you, Brennan, you're MINE, you said so, you CAN'T go! NO, BRENNAN, NO!!!!"

I howl in rage as Adam and Shalimar drag me off of his body, fighting savagely against them, trying to get back to him. Don't they understand? Don't they know that he HAS to be okay? Don't they know if I won't let him, he can't go? Why are they trying to stop me from saving him?

I struggle harder as they start to drag me from the room, shrieking in anguish as Brennan starts to disappear from my sight. I fight, but it feels like there are lead weights attached to my limbs and I can't move. I try to phase, but my powers feel like they are trapped in a quagmire.

Suddenly, I can't even scream. The harder I try, the less noise comes out, until I can feel my throat shredding, my lungs exploding from the effort, but barely a whisper comes out. I feel sobs tearing out of me as they pull me farther from the room, and I try desperately to cling to the sight of Brennan as he slowly disappears from my view, and all I want to do is to die as he vanishes.

"NO!!!"

The scream finally tears out of my lungs, echoing off the walls with the force of an explosion and I shoot up to a sitting position, looking around wildly at the dimly lit walls of the med lab.

I struggle to pull air into my lungs, feeling sweat pouring down my face as I sob desperately, trying to focus my eyes.

"Brennan...oh my God, Brennan," I moan as I stagger over to the bed, shakily looking down at the sight of him, bandaged and bruised but breathing.... "Oh, my God," I sob out as I wipe the mantle of sleep from my eyes, slipping my hand into his as I revel in the feeling of his warm, living flesh.

"Jesse, is everything-"

"Everything's okay," I sigh wearily into my comlink in response to Adams voice. "Just-just a bad dream. I'm fine," I say quickly, clicking it off as I sit shakily on the edge of the bed, looking down at the closed eyes that peek out from between the bandages, watching hopefully as they flutter slightly.

"Brennan? Brennan, baby, please wake up," I plead softly as I gently stroke his hair, clutching his hand tighter in mine. "Please, baby, just wake up."

A pained moan stirs from within his chest, and his eyes shakily open, looking up at me blearily as his hand twitches in mine.

"Hey...." he croaks out weakly, giving my hand a small squeeze. "What's... all the... yelling for?" he says through an attempted smile.

"Just trying to get your lazy ass to wake up," I beam, and I can't stop the tears that are sliding from my eyes as I look down into those beautiful brown orbs that I adore.

"Well, keep quiet....trying to rest..." he yawns as he flashes me a weak grin, clutching my hand tighter as he slips back into a peaceful sleep.

"I'll try to keep it down," I whisper as I settle back into the chair, still holding onto his hand as I follow him into slumber, knowing that no nightmares await me this time.

Everything's going to be okay.

END