Stuck In A Cloud

by Cyndra

Email: cyndrarae@yahoo.com

Fandom: Mutant X

Pairing: Jesse/Brennan

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Brennan and Jesse and… heck read it will ya?J

Spoilers: Very very slight, and only for the first few episodes of Season I

Disclaimer: I own nothing whatsoever.

Note: Okay this one I wrote one night when I was alone at home and it was raining like anything and I just love rains. I totally adore them. And I couldn’t sleep and, well, I wrote this in a span of not more than an hour I think, cool or what?J This little piece is inspired by a single scene where Brennan throws a high voltage charge at a GS agent but this guy jumps out of the way and the bolt hits Jesse instead. But luckily he is phased solid so escapes unhurt.

Author’s Note: Just a little piece from a ridiculous romantic. J
This is how I perceive Brennan and his nature - I feel he doesnt have to actually be harsh in order to express anger, or actually cry himself hoarse when he's sad or low. I think its just his way with words that gives away his true state of mind. The sarcasm, the wit, and the humor... all uttered with the same calmness and composure... and yet they're nothing but his way to hide his true emotions, like a defense mechanism he uses against everyone... including himself. So I wanted this to sound as sardonic and cool as Brennan actually is... didnt succeed that much J Still, here's hoping you still like it. Please let me know what you think!

14th February

He finds me.
Something tells if I ran to the farthest corner of the planet he would still find me. And I would be waiting for him.
It’s raining… and I’m standing in the rain. If he was relieved earlier, he’s worried now. He is so worried.

"Brennan?"
"Hey Jess. You look beat"
"What are you doing?"
"What am I doing?"
"Why… why are you standing in the pouring rain?"
"It’s the first rain this winter Jess." Like that’s supposed to explain it all. "Look at this view… isn’t this amazing?"
"Uhh yeh… "
"It’s a pity we don’t have any greenery left in the city. I love green… it’s my favorite color"
"Bren…"
"What’s your favorite color Jess?"
"…Blue. Brennan lets go, everyone is worried about you"
"Why?"
"B-Because you… you didn’t let anyone know where you were going and…"
"Jesse…"
He doesn’t like the change in subject. Wants to talk about how concerned everyone is, how concerned he is that I left the way I did. He looks at me… pursed lips quivering, limpid eyes staring me down intently. It’s the closest he ever gets to pouting. He had looked at me like that when I’d declared I was going out for a little stroll. Three weeks ago.

"Jesse…"
"Yeh?"
"Would you do something if I ask you to?"
"Sure"
Have to smile at that. ‘Sure’ he says. Just like that. No questions asked. No second’s pause to consider or contemplate. They call it blind faith I think.

How did we get here? When did it really happen? Difficult to say, Jesse… he seems to have always been the way he is. Trusting, caring, innocent.
Me? I don’t know. Can’t recall exactly when it was I got the time off between flings to stop and notice the kid. Must have been the time he got Rick’s virus and almost died. Or the day he declared he was going steady with Tina. Or the night he left on his own to face his dad’s supposed enemies. Maybe it was three weeks ago.

"Come here Jess"
He’s walking towards me. Out of the glasshouse across the balcony, into the hard rain. Here I am, wearing the same long black duster I wore when I left, drenched from head to toe… a potentially fatal electrocution rod. And he’s walking towards me, flinching from the iced water, catching drops in his blonde bangs, on his short brown jacket, snug black jeans, shivering ever so slightly. When he is three steps away, he stops.

"Brennan we really should…"
"Come closer Jess"
He takes a step toward me.
"I got the Double Helix down at the…"
"Do you mind if I hold you?"
I love doing that. Stunning people. I am the stunner. If he weren’t trembling, he’d be like frozen solid. The way he is when he phases? Hard, unyielding shell concealing the vulnerable serenity inside. For the longest time, he is startled, then recovers. Oh it’s nothing. Just Brennan being… Brennan.

"You don’t plan to… zap me or something do you? Because may I remind you we’re both… pretty watered down here?"
"Jesse…"
"I’m coming"
And he does.He feels awkward, standing there in front of me, not sure what to do with his hands, his feet. And he looks up at me, looks away and back again, anxious, nervous. Waiting for me to make the next move.

"Do you like rains Jesse?"
"Not really no"
"I used to love them. Very much. You know nine years ago when I was a kid, and couldn’t really control my powers… this once we were playing football in the rain. Some friends and me."
He stands but a step away. Looking up at me as I ramble away… baffled.
"We were winning 24-14 and putting up a damn good show for the ladies you know. Muddy, slimy, slithery… man was it fun. Last minute of the game the ball comes flying at my face and I'm rushing... gunning through the defense twenty yards from the six-yard line and another touchdown when out of nowhere he came charging at me… nowhere okay… and just when my best friend tackled me down... I did it."
He’s soaked, through and through.
"I electrocuted us… both him and me. I woke up two days later. He didn’t."
His lips are quivering again. He looks so alluring, like a sodden angel.
"Never stood in a rain ever since."

I gaze at the angry dark clouds above, hear the deep rumbles. Looks like a storm is gathering. He stands perilously close to me, raises a hand to touch me but doesn’t. Lets it fall by his side and bows his head. Shuffles his feet. He’s cold. I hold out my arms.

Why this is nice. I could stand here in the rain forever. Holding Jesse. It occurs to me how his slight frame blends into mine with perfect ease, how it feels like he belonged there to begin with. He doesn’t know what I’m doing, or what he’s doing. He just stands there… clutching my coat in his fists, resting his forehead in the crook of my neck, breathing me in.

I wound my arms around him, press his body against mine with finality. I kiss his hair, the side of his face turned up to mine. Fully expect him to bolt but he doesn’t. He closes his eyes and… stays. Wonders how long I intended to keep him in the rain.

"Do you know what this place is Jess?"
Shakes his head.
"It’s called Lovers’ point. Ages ago, a couple jumped to their deaths from this very cliff"
"Why?"
"Because they couldn’t be together. Their families, their societies refused to accept the alliance"
"Oh"
"Then they made it a tourist spot"
His quiet laughter seeps through to my heart. I start walking backwards, with him in tow.

"We’re not jumping are we?"
"Are we lovers?"
He looks up at me. Confusions mar the face that’s filled my dreams for so long now. I stop and smooth away the frown lines from his forehead.
"And if we were, don’t you think we have an easier, more Modern means of suicide available to us right now?"
"You don’t want to die"
"Don’t I?"
He whispers over the thunder.
"I know you don’t. I know I want to live"
"And you will" No thanks to me. But I don’t say that.
"With you"

I stroke his face with a thumb, run fingers through his wet hair. He looks at me, with moisture in his eyes. I don’t assume it to be the rain.
"Come back home Brennan"
"I cant"
"I woke up two days later"
"Three"
"That’s not the point"
I know its not. My curious thumb gently rubs his lower lip. Is it really so soft as I’d imagined it to be? Softer. Wetter. He sighs but refuses to be distracted.

"Brennan… it was a mistake. We all know that. You know that"
"Of course I do. Nine years ago was a mistake too. Intentions aren’t always the culprit Jesse"
"I could phase and ram into you. Break your head. Knock you dead"
"All the more reason to stay away"
He has a good hand. A boxer’s hand.
"I trust you Brennan"
"Is that why you were afraid to come to me back there?"
"Do I look afraid to you right now?"
No he doesn’t. He looks… fine to me. Happy maybe? That shy smile on his beautiful, angelic face… not bruised like it was three weeks ago.

"What will it take to convince you to come back?"
Raindrops make such divine noise. Should I tell him that I was going to come back eventually?
Well yeh… I was, after I’d convinced myself I was not in love with him. After I’d denied myself the only emotion I had let myself feel in a very very long time. After I’d let the rains wash away the last vestiges of Jesse’s blood on my soul which I figure shouldn’t take longer than three hundred odd years.

He looks at me so expectantly. Like a little child pinning all his life’s hopes on a little rag doll and pleading to be allowed to have it. Like a boy in love for the first time and doesn’t understand why it hurts so much. Jesse’s a smart kid. He figures making puppy dog eyes at me will do the trick. Smart alright.

"Brennan!"
"Yes I’m here"
"You didn’t answer my question"
"Come again?"
Exasperated… dear boy.
"What can I do to make you come back?"
I heave a huge sigh. If I were Superman, Jesse would be flying right now. Oddly the thought makes me pull him closer to myself. He comes willingly. No fear there.
"Jesse I…"
"Just come back Brennan"
"If something happened to you Jess…. I couldn’t stand it"
"I know. That’s why you should be there with us… with me… to… to watch out for me?"
That’s not what I meant. But he’s not listening anymore, too occupied panicking, shaking.
"No... Just... Brennan... Please…"

Man I love rains.
So what if I’d developed a mild hydrophobia ever since… nine years ago. I always loved the rains. I would sit at my windowsill in the special wards section of the juvenile penitentiary and just watch.Watched as slanting arrows of clear water whizzed past and broke to pieces on the ground below. Watched as lightning struck and scorched the skies making clouds thunder in protest. Or applause… one of the two. I watched as layers of dust washed off leaves revealing the breathtaking green beneath.

I love green too. Green is my favorite color. The color of Jesse’s breathtaking eyes. Eyes pleading with me to return with him. Return to him. And more insistently, to get out of the damn rain.

"On one condition"
"Anything"
There he goes again. Naïve kid.
"Stay with me?"
"Out here? In the rain?"
He’s pouting again.
"Its cold"
"Come here"
I undo the buttons to my big wet duster and gather him inside as he presses his face into my neck again, giggling ever so quietly, fingers clutching anew at the fronts of my shirt. I wrap myself around him and resume walking backwards.

They put iron railings around the place, its illegal to commit suicide here now. I slide down against a barrier, taking my precious with me. He sits all curled up against me… inside me. Why it took me so long to do this, I don’t know. Wasted a good deal of time didn’t we. Yeh I'm good at that too.

Three weeks ago was three weeks ago. It was a mistake, we’ve covered that. But Shalimar would never forgive nor forget.
"Don’t worry about Shal"
So he’s a mind reader too.
"She realizes now that she overreacted. She just got scared when she saw…you know"
"I know"
Love and reason don’t exactly mix and match. And me and Shalimar have much more in common in both departments than she realizes. Too much of one… too little of the other.

Speaking of reason, it still doesn’t make sense. Why am I holding him under the freezing deluge? When I know he’s weak, he’s shivering and catching a cold is the least of his problems right now… why the hell?
Let’s see… maybe because I’m an arrogant sadistic egomaniacal bastard and I just want to prove a point. Maybe I think if I kill him tonight, at least we’ll die together. Maybe I think if I can make it through tonight without frying any of us… I could actually go back. He’s not shivering anymore. And looks like the rains are letting up too. Zeus aint cracking the whip no more. Damn.

He nestles into me. I love how he moves against my heart. He’s making space for himself, he knows he belongs there. I take his hand in mine and bring it to my lips. He sighs deeply but doesn’t open his eyes. How long he’s been running around for me he wouldn’t say. What matters is that he found me. And I found him.

"Hey Jess?"
"Hmm"
"Does this mean you’ll be my valentine?"
He doesn’t answer. But my heart knows he is smiling.

--------END---------