Title: Watching

Author: Terri

Rating: NC17

Type: PWP

Summary: Jesse wants to try something new.

Notes: This was written for the wonderful Jenny, for one of the many favours she does me. But it's also for all you Jesse fans out there who let me mail you and talk about Brennan. I'll keep on spamming you all and get you to like the guy one day <g>

Watching
By Terri
*****

"Did you ever...you know, think about doing it, with a guy."

Peering up from his position on the floor, Brennan tried to understand what Jesse was saying, or rather what he was trying to say.

"Doing what?"

"You know; sex."

Cross-legged, leaning back against a chair, bottle of beer in one hand, huge bowl of popcorn nearby. Brennan had been lost in the movie they were watching, and Jesse's question had come out of nowhere, totally unexpected.

"Sex, with a guy?" The idea that Jesse had even mentioned the subject surprised Brennan. Not the sex part, they often had BS sessions talking about women, sex and all it involved. Tales of where they'd done it, how they'd done it and to who were commonplace. But this guy thing was unexpected, and Brennan found he didn't know how to answer. Turning a little he looked at Jesse, seeing the way that his face was flushed red, and the way he had his eyes glued to the television screen, as if he'd hadn't just asked that question. But he had, and the silence was just this side of uncomfortable. Brennan needed to answer, and soon. Deciding the best thing to do was hedge for now, he leaned back further, staring up at Jesse, who sat in the chair he was resting against. "Why do you want to know?"

"Just curious, thinking about going that route myself."

Just curious, going that route himself. Typical Jesse to drop that bombshell right now. No serious conversations for Jesse Kilmartin. No, this guy decides to mention *that* piece of news in the middle of a Star Wars marathon. Now, Brennan knew, whenever he saw Yoda he'd think of this moment...just wonderful.

"Thinking of going that route yourself?" Good, he'd managed to sound normal, no hint of shock in his tone. Like having a conversation about one of your best friends wanting to have gay sex was routine. No need to show Jesse that he'd surprised him, that just wouldn't wash with his done everything, seen everything image. "Is this a new thing?"

"No, not really. I mean, I haven't done it before, but I've thought about it a lot."

Taking a gulp of beer, Brennan tried to calm his expression. Jesse thought about men, about having sex with men. Surprise was an understatement. Since he'd joined Sanctuary so many months before, Jesse had become one of Brennan's closest friends. Despite having so many differences in both upbringing and outlook they'd formed an easy friendship, one that remained steady through their many arguments. Jesse was one of the people Brennan knew best in the world, they talked while raiding the fridge at midnight, laughing as they made outlandish sandwiches, stuffed high with fillings. Played sports, fixed cars, danced and drank at noisy clubs and talked at coffee bars. Brennan had thought he knew everything there was to know about
Jesse -- apparently he was wrong.

"So have you or not?"

Pulling himself back to the conversation, Brennan carefully sorted through the jumbled thoughts that were tumbling through his head, putting aside Jesse thinking about having sex with guys for the moment. Settling himself more comfortably against the chair, he was aware of Jesse staring down at him, waiting for an answer.

"No, well not for a long time. I had a sorta crush on someone way back when. He was the kingpin of the chop shop, tall, bleached hair; he could strip an engine in ten minutes. Hands like quicksilver when he was taking those cars apart. I spent all summer when I was fourteen hanging round him. Jason taught me a lot, and I would have done anything for him. Guess I was lucky he didn't take advantage."

"You would have slept with him if he asked?"

Twisting the bottle distractedly between his fingers, Brennan considered. Thinking back to the days he spent in a greasy garage, drinking soda, watching Jason work, and learning to boost the perfect car, just to get the praise of his mentor.

"Yeah, I probably would have, but he never gave an indication that he wanted me. Guess he didn't want a skinny kid with an attitude problem."

"Somehow I can't believe that."

"What?"

"That he didn't want you. Everyone wants you Brennan."

"Hell, how many beers have you had Jess?" Laughing, Brennan put down his own beer, drawing his legs against his chest, arms loosely held round them as he reminisced. "Not everyone wants me, especially back then. I was so skinny you could count my ribs, had hair to my shoulders that I wore in a ponytail, lived on nervous energy and had the biggest attitude. I thought I was cool, in reality I was a walking hormone. Jason would let me sleep in the shop as long as I
kept bringing in the goods. He was a great guy, but he didn't want me."

"I'd have liked to have known you back then."

"No you wouldn't. You with your preppy clothes and country club friends, me with my goodwill threads, hanging with societies worst, you would have hated me. Took one look and walked away, not that we would have met anyway. Our worlds were just too different back then."

"Maybe, still would have liked to see what you looked like. I can't imagine you without the muscle. Haven't you any photos?"

"Didn't really have many personal processions back then, but if you really want to see, just hack into the police data base and look for my photo there."

"I might just do that."

"Yeah? How about erasing some of my convictions while you're in there?"

"In your dreams." Laughing, Jesse nudged Brennan's shoulder with his knee. "Anyway, what kind of ex con doesn't have a long list of charges against him on file. I don't want to ruin your rep."

"Fine, don't help out" with a quick smile to show he was kidding, Brennan drifted back into his memories, only resurfacing when Jesse resumed their conversation.

"So anyone else?"

""What?" Keeping up with Jesse was taking all of Brennan's concentration tonight. Replaying the conversation in his head, he realised what he was being asked. "No, well apart from some circle jerk offs at parties I went to, but everyone has those."

Listening to Brennan talk, Jesse seemed distracted, tapping his beer bottle against his leg. Seeing that he wasn't going to ask any more questions, Brennan decided to ask his own. "So what about you. Why now?"

"Why not? My luck with women has pretty much sucked lately, so I figured I'd try guys. It doesn't bother you?"

"No, why should it?"

"Well some people think it's not normal."

"And being a mutant is? Hell, Jesse, I don't give a damn what other people think, you know that." Surprised a little, Brennan realised that the idea that Jesse liked guys wasn't so strange anymore. Which in itself was strange, five minutes and he'd moved from seeing Jesse as totally straight, to wondering who he was thinking about sexually. Adam was his first guess; Jesse had always looked up to him. Not that Brennan thought they would be a good match. Adam was too old, and too serious -- just wrong for Jesse. He needed someone who would drag him away from his computers, someone near his own age, someone like Brennan -- oh fuck!

Frowning a little at the idea that he was actually interested, Brennan grabbed the bowl of popcorn, distractedly eating kernels as he thought *why* he thought that. It wasn't like he'd spent the last year or so lusting after Jesse, he only knew about that birthmark on his left butt cheek because they showered in communal showers sometimes. It didn't mean that he watched Jesse, not at all.

Turning a little Brennan draped his arm casually over Jesse's leg. "So spill it. Who've you been thinking about? Is it any one I know?"

"Like I'd tell you." Hitting Brennan lightly on his shoulder, Jesse seemed torn between the need to talk and the need to stay quiet. "No, it's not someone you know...well sort off, fuck Bren forget I mentioned it okay and pass me the popcorn." Flustered Jesse leaned forward to grab the bowl, stopping when his face drew level with Brennan's. Eye to eye the two men stared at one another, caught in the moment, neither willing to move away first.

Brennan couldn't move if he wanted to. Jesse's gaze seemed to have pinned him down, his blue eyes so close that he could see his own reflection. Inches separated them; Brennan could see the individual hairs on Jesse's face, the long eyelashes, the way his lips curled slightly in a smile -- acknowledging the slightly ridiculous nature of the situation. They were staring at one another like they'd never met before, like two animals sizing one another up. On one hand, Brennan knew he should just pull away, pass the popcorn, continue his life in the way that he'd always done. On the other, if he moved just slightly he could easily kiss those lips so close to him. The
temptation to do that was immense, but this was Jesse, not some faceless woman in a bar. A kiss would be important, could affect the team, affect his friendship. It was a risk, but no one had ever said that Brennan didn't take risks, so moving that last inch he moved in.

~*~*~*~

Did I really just say that?

Acknowledging to himself that awful truth, Jesse froze in place, aware of the blush that was creeping across his face. For the last few weeks he'd been thinking about his love life, or the lack of it. It seemed that every time he got close to a woman they'd die or leave. Not a good situation at all. Lying awake night after night in his bed, Jesse had decided that he'd have to widen his search a little. What was the point of ruling out half of the population just because of gender? It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the male form -- he did -- it was just easier to conform and date only women. You had to choose your battles and Jesse spent enough time battling his mutations, it would take too much effort to add being gay into that too.

But as girlfriends left and he spent more and more time alone, Jesse had decided enough was enough. It couldn't hurt to try guys. Not that he'd told any one, not then. Instead he hit his computer terminal, privacy protecting his site visits, and learned things that he longed to try. Then Jesse had started watching, seeing what kind of men attracted him, shamelessly lusting from cafes and bars. No one knew what he was doing, and he'd learned to listen as Emma and Shalimar discussed the men that they saw, silently agreeing or disagreeing.

But best of all was Sanctuary. From his usual terminal Jesse could see most of the living area, and happily used the time to watch his male teammates. The way Adam smiled when walking to his beloved lab, and the way he would rub at his eyes when tired. But Brennan was his main vice, and Jesse spent hours watching him. Examining the way the muscles in his back flexed when working out, how he would lounge against furniture and stumble from his room half dead in the mornings, reviving as Emma handed him super strength coffee. Many times Jesse had found himself in Brennan's room, chatting as he changed, having to make his face expressionless as Brennan stripped down.

But he hadn't meant to tell anyone. Not yet anyway. The question had just slipped out, the words tumbling from his mouth. They'd been so comfortable, Brennan leaning against his legs on the floor as they watched a Star Wars marathon. Brennan had been intent on Yoda, leaving Jesse able to concentrate on just looking, trying to resist the temptation to trace the tattoo on Brennan's shoulder with his tongue. Then Jesse's mouth engaged without his brain catching up,
leaving him frozen in place as Brennan turned to look up at him, disbelief on his face.

At that moment Jesse wanted to be anywhere but here, with Brennan looking at him like he'd sprouted horns. Not that it lasted, once the shock had worn off, Brennan seemed surprisingly accepting. Talking about his own crush on a man, and what he'd looked like.

The conversation after had been surreal, more of Brennan's pre conceived ideas about Jesse's childhood, talk about circle jerk offs, and what Jesse would do to see that, then this, whatever this was. Brennan and he face-to-face, eye-to-eye, Jesse couldn't help smile a little at the position, as they sized one another up. It would be so easy to move closer, kiss those tempting lips, yet why torture himself? It wasn't like Brennan had ever shown any interest, Jesse would know, he'd watched him closely enough. Brennan was a ladies man, Brennan liked soft curves and full breasts, Brennan was...kissing him. Oh fuck!

What could he do but kiss him back? Sure it was weird a little at first, Brennan was his friend, and the jump from that to locking lips was a little awkward. But no one had ever said that Jesse didn't tackle situations face on, this was Brennan, the star of his wet dreams for the last month. Jesse could list every scar and blemish on his body, every little mole and beauty spot. He'd been given a free pass to explore that body, no way could he resist.

Latching onto Brennan's shoulders -- those broad muscle bound shoulders that had tormented him for weeks -- Jesse gripped hard, fingers digging in as he pulled Brennan closer, holding him up slightly because of the awkward angle they were in, Brennan straining up, Jesse bent down. Yet it didn't matter, nothing mattered but the hot feel of Brennan's mouth against his, the feel of smooth skin under his hands. It was driving Jesse wild, reality so much better than fantasy, as he lost himself in pure sensation.

It was only Brennan pulling back slightly that caused Jesse to calm down, almost groaning as their lips separated. Not moving he could only stare as Brennan rubbed his neck, desire and uncertainty fighting for prominence in his mind. He'd just kissed Brennan, no scrub that, Brennan had kissed him, and it had been good -- more than good. But now, mouth tingling, and cock pressed painfully against his pants, Jesse didn't know what to say, could only sit silent, wondering if he'd just kissed a friendship goodbye.

"*That* was good."

"You pulled back."

"My neck was in a crick that's all, when I kiss you again make sure we're on a level okay."

"I can do that, in fact, why don't I get down there now." Pushy, yeah he was pushy, but Brennan seemed to want this as much as he did, and who was he to deny him? Jesse was ready and willing, who cared about the whole, shall we do this conversation? Brennan had kissed him,
that was talk enough. Plus, Jesse didn't know if he could stop this now, the roller coaster had started and he intended to enjoy every minute of the ride.

This was about attraction, pure and simple. He'd wanted Brennan for so long that each touch was like fire, as instead of an answer, Brennan grabbed his hand in his, pulling him to the floor in one swift movement. Lying side by side was nice, but nice wasn't what Jesse wanted. With a lightening movement he surged upwards, not caring when his foot caught the bowl, spilling popcorn all over the floor.

Landing on Brennan's chest he straddled him, knowing his weight would be nothing to the man below. Legs tight against Brennan's ribcage, Jesse leaned forward, arms braced, leaning in for another kiss. But this one was all Jesse, he was driving, could change tempo and intensity as Brennan held his thighs with a steel grip as they drowned within the kiss. Tongues duelling, eyes closed, spit exchanged as Jesse forgot they were making out on the living area floor.

Why worry about being caught when you felt this good? Like you would explode from sheer horniness, that every touch burned with an intensity that should be scary. Shuddering Jesse couldn't help grind himself against Brennan, pressing his groin hard against him in jerky movements, desperate for release.

Panting, sweating, muttering words that didn't make sense, Jesse stepped up the pace. Pushing harder, rubbing himself wantonly along Brennan's body, pressing him down with his weight, while Brennan pushed upwards from below, his brown eyes glazed as his own groin met no resistance. Jesse should have been sorry, should have moved his body down, but he couldn't move. Couldn't think about leaving this hot sweet space, where hard ribs and abs pushed against him. Trapping his cock between sodden jeans and skin. Jesse felt soggy, wet, sopping as he leaked pre come, he felt wonderful, setting a harsh pace as he soared towards orgasm. Eyes closed he threw back his head, movements frantic, harder -- harder -- harder -- he thrust, until at last, with a strangled scream, Jesse came, flooding his jeans with scalding come.

Panting, legs trembling Jesse collapsed forward, resting his hot cheek against Brennan's face. He felt drained yet energised, smiling as Brennan traced patterns across his back.

"Brennan."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. I didn't expect this, but thanks."

"You didn't want it?"

"God no. I mean yeah I wanted it. It was great." Concerned that Brennan was getting the wrong idea, Jesse pushed himself up on rubbery arms, so only their lower bodies touched. "I just didn't
think you wanted me, you know like that."

"Yeah? Well neither did I. I like you Jesse, like you a lot. Just figured if you wanted to try men who better than me. I hope I didn't get that wrong."

And he sounded so hesitant, so unlike his Brennan who strode around owning the world that Jesse had to kiss him again. Showing Brennan that he was wrong -- totally wrong -- and as Jesse plundered his mouth, and Brennan eagerly responded he decided that he'd show him without a doubt that he did like him like that -- he liked him a lot.

The second time was better, easier, slipping into remembered rhythms as Jesse held Brennan tight, holding his shoulders --those beautiful shoulders -- as he plunged his tongue deeper. Kissing until they both drew back, as Jesse slipped a hand back, cupping Brennan's groin,
pressing against his erection. He was getting greedy, wanted to taste that cock, slide his lips down his shaft. And Brennan seemed to like the idea as he surged up against Jesse's hand, pushing hard.

Taking the invitation and running with it, Jesse slid the fly of Brennan's jeans down, his cock stirring again as Brennan groaned with pleasure. Fumbling with the button, he slid from Brennan's body, sitting at his side, reverently watching as the first hint of pubic hair was shown through the gap as he pulled at the jeans. Impatiently tugging, needing to get at bare skin. To touch Brennan's cock, slide his hand along it, feel and experience what had been hidden so long.

Catching on, Brennan lifted his hips, allowing Jesse to pull his pants down, toeing his shoes off to one side, then muttering curses as his t-shirt was pulled free. Naked all he could do was lie still as Jesse feasted on his body, sucking at his nipples, kissing down his body, harsh kisses that Jesse delighted in giving. Brennan's skin seemed to burn his lips, so hot, yet no way could he stop. It was an addiction, he'd only seen Brennan laid out for him this one time, but already Jesse could never think of stopping.

"God Jesse, you're killing me."

Guilty, but also thrilled that he could do this, make Brennan beg and arch against his mouth, Jesse continued to kiss his way up his inner thigh, intent on the reaching the ultimate goal. Closer and closer he got, licking and kissing, until he reached the heavy balls. Gently he licked one, sucking it into his mouth as Brennan was reduced to meaningless words. The other received the same treatment, as Jesse reached out to touch the cock that stood rock hard and weeping in front of him.

Touching it caused Brennan to groan -- loud and clear -- and Jesse moved from his balls to smoother the shout with a kiss, another hard brutal kiss as he fisted Brennan's cock, with smooth movements that caused him to gasp for breathe. Jesse could tell when he was getting
close to climax, watched amazed as Brennan's eyes screwed closed, and his whole body seemed to tighten, before coming with a long hot stream that coated Jesse's hand.

Watching, Jesse knew Brennan could never look as beautiful as he did in the seconds after climax, skin flushed, hair damp, body slippery with a mixture of sweat and come. He looked spent and utterly content, no doubt like Jesse himself.

"Thanks." Smiling that killer grin Brennan kissed Jesse lightly on the lips, before sitting up with a satisfied moan. "But I think I'd better get out of here before the others come home."

Disappointed Jesse could only watch as Brennan gathered his clothes, waiting for the moment when the brush off would come, when Brennan realised what he'd done. That once again he'd rushed headfirst into a situation without thinking it through. It was inevitable, and Jesse could only mourn what he'd had so fleetingly as Brennan started to walk towards his room. It had been good when it lasted anyway.

"You coming?"

Or maybe it wasn't quite over. Jesse had never expected this, to be invited to Brennan's room, but hey, would he really say no? So scrambling to his feet he ran after Brennan, not even trying to appear cool. What was the point? There were so many things he wanted to try and so little time.

END