Title: Kitchen Practice

Author: Phoenix

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece. I am poor. This fic is for entertainment only.

Fandom: One Piece

Paring: It's a secret

Rating: How dirty is your mind?

Warnings: it all depends on you and I wrote it. Can't deal? Don't read.

Archive: CkoS, WWOMB if they want it. All others please ask.

Summary: Something is going on in the kitchen.

Kitchen Practice
by Phoenix

"OH my GOD! That's big!" Nami's voice floated out from the kitchen, catching Usopp, Chopper, and Robin's attention.

"Huge," Sanji gloated.

Usopp and the others slowly made their way to the galley hoping to see what all the noise was about, but Sanji had blocked the window; he claimed to be working on something special for the Straw Hat crew.

"I've never seen one this big before," Nami continued to gush.

"I admit it's special."

"And you know how to use it?"

"Of course." Sanji scoffed. "I could show you, if you like."

Usopp and the others couldn't believe their ears.

"You think I can handle it?" Nami sounded a bit afraid. "I wouldn't even know how to hold it."

"It's not that big," a new, tired voice declared. "I've handled bigger."

All the spies' eyes turned to Luffy as Zoro's voice was heard. All their Captain did was twitch his ears.

"And you were a clumsy oaf!" Sanji sneered. "We're both lucky we didn't end up in the hospital. Nami-san has grace and style."

"And tiny hands. She won't even be able to get a good grip on it."

"I will to!" The redhead shouted. "I bet I can do this better than you."

Silence followed for a few seconds then a loud groan filled the air.

"I'm so sorry Sanji."

"It's Ok, Nami-san. You just need to alter your grip a little. It's too tight."

"I did warn you," Zoro snickered.

"Why don't you come over here and help us then?" Sanji snapped.

"Fine."

Some movement was heard and everyone crowded close to the door to hear anything they could. Soft pants reached through the wood.

"Faster, Nami-san." It was the cook who was gasping for breath.

"Shit! Watch were you shove that." There was a tension in Zoro's voice that caused everyone to once more turned back to Luffy. He was grinning.

"Sorry, Zoro. I'm new at this."

"Kitchen virgin, huh? Sanji loves doing this in the kitchen. Fortunately no one has caught him at it yet."

Robin considered visiting the galley more often.

"And you've helped me many times, Zoro, so stop acting like an idiot and help Nami move faster."

"It's always faster with you, isn't it? Some of us don't finish as fast you know."

"He's right. There's never enough room or privacy on the ship. Learning to do this quickly would be advantageous."

Now all three sounded as if they were out of breath. Blushes covered all three listeners' cheeks.

"But it is a wonderful workout." Sanji pointed out.

"If you don't mind getting all sticky." Was Nami's comment.

"Hot showers are fun," the swordsman had a definite smile in his voice.

"Sanji!" She sounded distressed and Usopp almost opened the door. Only the thought of what he might find kept him still. "I can't finish this. It's too hard."

"You think that's hard? You should see what he makes me do." Once again they turned to seeing Luffy smiling a truly frightening grin.

"We can stop."

"But we haven't finished."

"Zoro and I can finish on our own. You go take a nice shower and be ready for dinner."

Something alerted Chopper and the others to danger; in slow motion they faced their Captain to find him fairly glowing. As one they dove away from the door.

"ZZOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRROOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" The howl was enough to frighten even Arlong. A hand smashed the galley door open giving everyone a good view of what was going on inside as Zoro was caught by his collar and dragged to Luffy's perch.

Sanji paused in shock and the knives he'd been juggling fell to the floor; one of them was unusually large. All the dishes Nami had been balancing tumble toward the table. Where Zoro stood, a small pot of meat for stew lay. All three were fully clothed.

"What the hell were you doing?!" Usopp screamed at them; his mental pictures not at all matching what he saw.

"Sanji was teaching me how to use cooking as a work out." There was a blank innocence in Nami's voice that could not be faked.

"You just use heavy knives and move as fast as you can. Would you like me to teach you?" Not much enthusiasm was in his voice; too many people in his kitchen was always a bad thing. Besides, it did look a bit silly to most people.

"No thank you," Robin said terribly disappointed.

Strange noises began coming from the head of the ship.

"Should we tell Luffy?" Chopper was worried about his friend.

"I don't think you're old enough to go out there," Sanji commented quietly while closing the door as best he could. "Now who wants to help with dinner?" No one went outside to see why Zoro was making such loud sounds.

END
I think everyone can now see why I don't write comedy.