TITLE: Leave a Message After the Beep

AUTHOR: Ashley Cathleen Crowe

acc7@acpub.duke.edu

RATING: I'd call it R but why don't I give it a NC-17 to be really safe. This is not for kids.

PAIRING: no fandom but there are both m/m and m/f implied in the poem so if that bothers you, you've been warned.

SUMMARY: A series of answering machine messages tell the story.

NOTES/INTRO: I suppose I need to intro this by saying, their are three different speakers in this poem. Each speaker is represented by a different justification and font. If your email viewer cannot read rich text (html) messages this might not look right, email me privately and I'll try a different way. As always, criticism and feedback are very good things.


Leave a Message after the Beep
by Ashley Cathleen Crowe

Oh Ash, I can still smell him.
You can guess who it was
Are you there?
Talk about confusion.
He came on to me
I was drunk
I was depressed
This was a good thing, right?
It was almost a happy birthday
How can I feel so bad
And yet so good?
Call me

Ashley, call when you get this
We need your help
I need your help
When are you coming home?

I’m sure you’ve already heard
She was asleep
I just went to the kitchen for a drink
He was there
He was drunk
It was his birthday for Christ's sake
And he was depressed
Do you know how cute he is when he’s like that?
I swear I could feel him shut off his brain
He just let go
It was beautiful
What do I tell her?

Still not there?
How many sides of this have you heard?
The no excuses version
He started it
I stopped thinking about her in the bedroom
It was great
More than great
Then my brain started again
I’m a fuck

I was…was fucking asleep in the next room
He could probably still smell me on himself
Their screaming woke me up
I cracked open the door to make sure nothing was wrong
I think it would have been better for me to find them injured
They didn’t get a chance to notice me before I shut the door
Surely that would have stopped them
It’s one thing to catch you boyfriend making eyes at your friend
It’s another thing to find you friend fucking your boyfriend
I love both the bastards
They haven’t told me yet
Was it that good fellas?
I’m waiting them
Help

I’ve got to tell her,
I love her I really do
At least I think so
So confused
I need your help
Do I love her?
You can tell me, right?
I think I love her
He’s just…
I don’t know
It’s not the same
I’m telling her tonight
But what do I say?

He’s telling her
I don’t want to loose either one of them
I’ll never do it again
I’m scared
Where are you?

He was trying to tell me
He really was
He just couldn’t get the words
So I told him I knew
He started crying
On my shoulder
Like a baby
Saying
Over and over again
"I love you
I really love you
It won’t happen again
I promise
Forgive me?
Forgive us?"
God help me
I said "yes"
What’s a little sharing
between friends?

Where are you?
How could she forgive me?
I didn’t need to tell her
She knew
And she forgave me
I still have her
I love her
Why do I still want him too?

It’s more than lust now
I’m falling for him
I need to talk to you
Not this damn machine
Please?
Talk to me

This will never be normal
Ever
I need you

I’m happy
I think I love them both
I think I might be hurting them both
And I’m happy
Fuck
Where are you?

END

Ashley Cathleen Crowe
acc7@acpub.duke.edu