Title: I'm a Survivor

Author: Alex

Pairing: Beecher/Keller and Ryan/Alvarez

Rating: NC-17

Archive: Anyone with the will

Warnings: Will contain non-consensual material, language, violence, etc. all errors are mine.

Feedback: Yes, either on the list or private.

Disclaimers: Don't own anyone, never have, and never will. Not making any money either and I have the empty bank account to prove it.

Dedicated To: J, and he knows why. May not say it very often, but I love you, always have, always will. My uncle H, who though he doesn't understand my fascination with m/m situations reads my work and gives me encouragement.

Note: This story contains the reference to and use of an Anti-HIV Drug called KALETRA ABT-538 & ABT-378, which is a combination of RITONAVIR ABT-538 & LOPINAVIR ABT-378 whose common name are Aluviran® and Norvir®.

::WARNINGS::

A/N: This story contains details about certain types of anal damages and ways to detect and treat them. I am not a doctor, so please any inconsistencies are entirely my fault for being uninformed, but there are not a lot of references for this topic that I could find, so at certain points I just winged it and tried to apply common sense.

Thanks to Sonia for taking the time to explain about enemas and such as they relate to this topic and certain procedures that are carried out for male rape survivors.

Special thanks to my new beta J.

I'm A Survivor
By Alex

"Toby, Toby I have to get to Toby." Muttering to himself, Keller is unaware of the wide berth that the rest of the citizens of Oz are giving him.

Heedless to the questioning looks and stares that he is receiving he moves through like a panther with one destination on his mind that would brook no interruption.

"What do you think is his problem?" Hoyt asks pointing to Keller who was looking around aimlessly as though he had lost something and was trying to remember where it was.

"Don't know, but whatever it is, he looks mad enough to kill."

Looking at each other, they realize that it could only mean one thing. Something was going on with or happened to … . .

"Beecher." They both say in unison.

Looking around the quad for the familiar blond head that seemed to keep most of the activities in OZ flowing either directly or indirectly Hoyt finds him on the second floor taking to Said.

"Hey Keller," he shouts. He has to repeat himself several more times until the big man finally turns to look at him with a scowl replacing the usual look of disinterest on his face. When he is assured that he has the man's attention he motions to the second level in the direction of Beecher, Said and a group of Muslims.

Following the directions that Hoyt gave him Keller lets out the breath that he was unaware that he was holding. Nodding to Hoyt, Keller slows down his pace and leans against one of the tables in the quad. Flexing his fist he tries to calm down as anger slowly penetrates the body that was once before taut with worry. Unaware of the feral look that is seeping onto his face he is oblivious to the fact that the table that he stopped at was already occupied and that he was causing undue apprehension to the three occupants. The occupants of the table take one look at Keller and by silent agreement move of to other ends of OZ.

"What do you think is the problem?" Pointing to Beecher quickly making his way down the stairs to Keller who was now sitting on the hastily deserted table and looking at no one and nothing in particular.

"I don't know, Hill, but whatever it is, it's not good." Busmalis replies.

"Keller looked ready to kill before he realized that Beecher was in EmCity." Rebadow interjects.

"Yeah, that's true." Hill agrees, "but if he looked ready to kill before he looks like he's ready to commit mass mayhem now." Looking up to the guard station Hill realizes that the guards on watch were tense and moving into position to stop any trouble before it started.

Walking over towards Hill, Busmalis and Rebadow, Hoyt asks no one in particular. "What do you think is the matter with Keller?"

Shrugging Busmalis looks at him. "We don't know, but I guess we'll find out soon enough."

"How do you know?"

Pointing towards the blond that just reached the still silent man that everyone else was avoiding. "Beecher just reached him."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hearing Keller's name shouted a few times Toby looks up and in the direction that the shout came from. Seeing Chris walk into EmCity with a thunderous expression on his face Toby is instantly apprehensive.
"Something's wrong."

"What did you say Beecher?" Said asks.

Unaware that he had spoken aloud, Beecher looks at Said. Wondering how much to tell him considering that Chris and his relationship with Chris was a trying subject between the two of them. Looking down at Chris who was sitting at a hastily departed table. "Something is wrong with Chris."

Following his gaze until he locates Keller half way leaning-sitting on a table he shakes his head in agreement. "Yes, something is definitely wrong." Before Beecher can say anything else. "I would suggest you go over there to him so the tension level can drop back to normal."

Looking at Said questioningly, Said just points out the occupants of OZ. Toby realizes that they were all giving Keller a wide berth. That in itself was the norm. But he realized that a third of the inmates were warily watching Keller as though they expected him to pounce on them any minute. The other third were trying their best to move as far away from him as possible, some opting to enter their pod and watch from there. The other third were sending him beseeching looks to go down and calm Keller off whatever ledge that he was on.

Bidding Said farewell Beecher makes his way down the stairs and towards Keller. Usually this would cause a series of hisses and catcalls to be directed at him. The fact that none were forthcoming increases Toby's anxiety. Looking over at Hoyt who could be depended on giving out at least one call of 'faggot' he is disturbingly surprised when all Hoyt does is nod at Keller.

Something is really wrong. Looking around he notices that it is as though all of EmCity were holding their breath waiting for the explosion. Looking back at Chris he notices that he now has that far off look in his eyes again. The look Toby has come to call the 'I'm gonna fuck someone up' look, the same look that Chris got whenever he was planning the demise of another.

Not knowing what could have put the look on Keller's face only sure that he had to stop it from reaching to fruition Toby quickens his pace until he standing directly in front of Keller.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Earlier that morning
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"What are you doing all the way over there?"

Turning around Ryan fixes his lover with a lazy smile. "Unlike some of you, I have to be to work in a bit."

Shuddering as though hearing foul words the black haired man reaches out his hand to Ryan. "Por favor, mi amour, retroceder." With that he pats the empty space on the side of him.

Shaking his head at the growing pout on Miguels' lips Ryan walks back towards the reclining figure. Stopping suddenly he bends down just barely out of reach of the latino's hand and studies the body laid out in front of him.

Used to Ryan's habitual morning perusal of his body Miguel slowly stretches, hoping that the ploy would get him an early morning workout before the hacks turned on the lights that would signal the start of another day in OZ. Using his right hand he slowly raises the sheet that was draping his body and lowers it down his torso. Smiling to himself at the quick catch of breath that he hears, he continues to do this until the blanket is to his knees and then tosses it to the back of the bunk.

"See something you like?"

Ryan takes in the nude tan body that in his opinion looks too damn good to be against the stale coloured prison sheets, the seductive pose and the smothering look in the chocolate eyes and feels his resolve desert him faster than junkie in a hospital supply room. "Not today Miguel," he half-heartedly requests. "If I'm late one more time Pancamo's gonna have my ass."

Pulling Ryan over towards him he presses a quick hard kiss against his lips. Trailing his hands down, Miguel cups the Irishman's ass possessively, "Not if that Italino knows what's good for him." Pressing another quick kiss against Ryan's lips before he lets him go, "you're ass is mine."

Smiling at the possessive note in Miguels' voice Ryan turns around and watches as the denizens of EmCity wake up. "My ass, su ass, hunh."

Feeling Miguel come up and wrap his arms around him, Ryan is pulled back against the younger man's body. Nipping on the Irishman earlobe, "you better believe it." With a strength many would be surprised that the younger man possessed while taking his meds Ryan finds himself spun around and his back slammed up against the door. Quirking an eyebrow, Ryan says nothing as Miguel slowly traces circles around his left nipple. Giving it a pinch and smiling inwardly when Ryan hisses in pleasure, Miguel does the same to the other nipple. Putting his right hand on Ryan's chest when he feels the Irishman about to take them further back into their pod, Miguel shakes his head. Rolling his eyes in acquiescence Ryan let's his head rest against the pod door and allows his lover to have his way.

Reaching up, Miguel cradles Ryan's head and starts to place slow kisses along his jaw and neck. Arching his head to the left, Ryan grants him greater access to the space between his neck and collarbone that Miguel for some sadistic reason liked to mark whenever Ryan could not be convinced to an early morning sex session. Feeling the awaited for sharp nip followed by a soothing tongue and then a sucking motion, Ryan smiles to himself. //Oh yeah, I'm gonna get it today for this mark.//

Moving along, Miguel starts to nibble on Ryan's bottom lip. Biting then licking he continues this until the Irishman starts to moan audibly. Grinning smugly, he captures Ryan's lips in a full kiss and then uses his tongue to part his lips. Once inside the playful kiss turns hungry as he pulls Ryan away from the door and into his arms.

Lost in the movement of the kiss he is unaware that Ryan has now navigated them back towards the bunk. Getting up for breath, Miguel greedily breathes air into his oxygen starved lungs and looks at Ryan and then suggestively back towards the bed. "Cama?"

Before Ryan has a chance to answer him the whole of EmCity is flooded with lights. //Damn, someone up there has lousy timing.// Looking around Ryan he looks towards the CO Station where Murphy is laughing at him. Having trouble, but barely suppressing the urge to stick out his tongue at the CO, he settles for a `fuck you' look and returns his attention to Ryan.

Planting a quick kiss on Ryan's lips as he hears `Count', he quickly moves around the still standing Irishman and pulls up a pair of sweats. Sniffing it, he makes a face. "Ryan it's your turn to do laundry." Getting no response, and not actually expecting one Miguel waits for Ryan to get himself under control. Getting Ryan worked up was one thing, but trying to get him down when he was unfulfilled usually took awhile.

Walking out the door he immediately looks to the level below him. Seeing Beecher come out of the pod he mouths `Keller?' Beecher just smiles ruefully and nods in the direction of the pod. Beecher mouths back `Ryan?' Miguel also nods back at his pod. Smiling at each other they share a conspiratal glance. That glance is interrupted when Keller comes out of the pod with a frown on his face.

Saying something to Beecher that makes the blond give him a `who me' look, Miguel smiles as Keller fixes Beecher with a glare and says `later', that Beecher returns with one of his `Crazy Beecher' leers. Glancing back around the quad Miguel notices that Busmalis and Rebadow are having their usual early morning argument. //I wonder what it is about this time. But knowing them it could be about anything from who hogged the basin this morning to why was Rebadow still wearing that Ms. Sally cap.//

"Tonight, I'm gonna make you pay for that, tonight."

Turning slightly to the voice coming from behind him, Miguel moves over to give Ryan some space. "Whenever you're ready, baby." Giving Ryan one of his patented `I don't give a fuck' glances he returns his interest back to the lower level.

"Anything interesting down there?"

"Nah," sliding a side long glance at Ryan, "though I'm pretty sure that Keller had the same problem you did." Not fazed with the look that Ryan gave him since he knows it was tempered by love, "although, I think that something is going on with the Aryans."

"And the Bikers?"

"No, only the Aryans, they are over there and I don't like the way that they are looking at Toby."

Resting his feet on one of the bars to the stairs as count is finally over, "Nah, I wouldn't worry about it. Vern is not stupid enough to go after Beecher, he knows not only would Keller kill him, but the Muslims and Said not to mention Morales and his crew would be all over his ass."

"A lot of people really like Toby don't they?"

Looking over at Beecher who was hugging Keller seemingly oblivious to the jeers and hisses directed their way by most of OZ or by the hoots of encouragement from the Fags, "I don't know what it is that they see in Beech, I mean the guy is……"

"Should I be jealous O'Reilly?"

Taking a quick look around and realizing that most of EmCity were either going off to their work schedule or going back into their pods, Ryan quickly gives Miguel a peck on the lips. Smiling into the eyes that are the corner pieces to his soul, "Nah, Baby, I'm all yours, siempre, siempre."

"Good, cause I would hate to have had to fuck you up."

Laughing, Ryan moves away from Miguel as he gets signaled from Pancamo. Taking the stairs two at a time he bumps into Keller. "K'boy."

"O'Reilly."

"Rough night?"

Staring quizzically at Keller Ryan is perplexed until Chris rubs his own neck. Understanding dawning he smiles. "What can I say, the guy finds me irresistible."

"Don't know why."

Nudging Keller in the side, "and wouldn't you like to know."

Stretching and looking at Beecher who was talking to Miguel, "nah, like my dick, just the way it is, *whole*."

Looking over in the direction that Keller was a minute ago. "I couldn't agree more, like my eyes just the way they are, * in my head *."

Laughing at each other, they make their way out of EmCity. Before they reach the point where they split up Keller asks, "What's the going rate?"

"Oh it's 2 to 3."

"Two, for or against?"

"Nah, it's all for. It's 2 to 3 which of us are going in this week."

"They think we're that bad."

At the knowing look that Ryan gives him Keller shrugs. "Oh well, we went the last time, it's you and Miguel's turn next."

"So we taking turns now?"

"Gotta give the hacks something to do."

"Well as long as it isn't me."

At the befuddled look Keller gives him O'Reilly moves off before Keller could say anything else. Sometimes it paid to leave Keller speechless.

Keller looking at the gate that Ryan just disappeared into.// who the fuck is fucking who//

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Back in EmCity
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Keller?" Reaching over to touch his lover's hands Toby is surprised by the glare Keller gives him before he jerks his hands away. "Baby what's wrong?"

"Beecher, I think it would be best if you move away from him."

Toby turns around to see Murphy approaching him. His right hand on his baton and his left holding out to take a hold of him. Finally reaching the two, Murphy silently signals to the other COs and they relax their guard.

Keeping a wary eye on Keller he again speaks to Beecher. "Come on Beecher let's give him some room."

Moving and grabbing a hold of Toby's arm, Murphy pulls him to his direction. Toby turns around in frustration in an attempt to get Murphy to let go of him without causing a scene. Before they both have a chance to do anything they are startled by the low growl coming from Keller.

"Let. Him. The. Fuck. Go." Murphy immediately lets go of Beecher and holds his hands out to stop the approach of a few of the COs who at the tune of Kellers' voice start to proceed into their direction. Taking a quick protective step back he looks warily at Beecher, using his free hand he motions for Beecher to join him, shaking his head Beecher moves closer to Keller.

"Chris…. Chris baby what's wrong." Beecher ignores the amused look that the CO gives him at the tone he uses with Keller. "Come on baby, what's the matter."

Toby starts to panic when Chris looks at him with cold dead eyes. He has only seen that look when Chris was about to end someone's life. "Baby…." taking a hold of Chris's hand he has to tug on it a bit before the big man acquiesces and allows for Beecher to move him. "Let's go to the pod."

Nodding at Murphy when Chris gets up, he looks up and glances at Said. Said mouthes 'what's wrong' shrugging at him, Toby moves to Chris's side and walks back with him to their pod. Reaching the door Toby pushes Chris inside and walks over to the bunk. Moving up to sit on the top bunk he waits for Chris to tell him what is going on.

Looking out at EmCity he is aware that many of the inmates were gathered in their own clusters and every once in a while a head would look in their direction before hastily bending back down to finish the conversation.

Frowning in confusion, Toby straightens up as a Biker comes dashing into EmCity. Heading straight for Hoyt who was playing a game of cards with a few of Pancamo's boys. Pulling on Hoyt's shirt, the Biker motions to the side and Hoyt gets up.

Moving off so they would get as much privacy as possible in OZ, Toby notices that Hoyt starts to frown at what he is being told. Letting out a loud 'FUCK' that could be heard all through EmCity Hoyt seems oblivious to the stares that are coming his way.

As the Biker continues to tell Hoyt something Beecher is surprised when Hoyt abruptly lifts his head and stares hard in his direction. Whatever else that the Biker was about to tell Hoyt is lost with the arrival of a few Aryans into EmCity.

Beecher notices that Hoyt asks the Biker a few questions signaling to the arriving Aryans. Getting a nod from the man Beecher is surprised when Hoyt turns around and goes and rushes at the Aryans. Wondering where the attack came from the Aryans are ill prepared as an ally turns on them.

Reacting quickly the hacks move in as the Bikers and the Aryans some not quite sure what is going on start to rumble. Before the fight could turn into an all out brawl more hacks move in and Murphy calls for lockdown.

Usually this would cause for a few groans and complaints. But it seemed that the citizens of EmCity realized that something really bad had gone down and the best place for them to be until they found out 'what' was in their own pods.

Being led to the hole by a few CO's Toby is surprised by the look that Hoyt throws in his direction before snarling at a passing Aryan that was also being led away. If Toby didn't know better he would think that that was a look of regret he saw on Hoyt's face.

Quickly thinking in his mind Toby starts to put pieces together. Chris comes in angry, something going down with the Bikers and the Aryans whom everyone in OZ knew were tighter than 'butt-buddies' no, shit was about to hit the fan and in a bad way.

Looking around the pod Toby tries to figure out what it meant. Noticing that Chris had taken a seat in the chair opposite the sink and was silently staring at him. Knowing Keller enough that he would start talking when he was ready to, Toby looks around EmCity at the prisoners. A few were lying down in their bunks and others were still casting sneaking glimpses at him and Chris.

Toby was used to being stared at. Hell he spent 98% of his prison experience being closely watched by the prisoners. At first they were watching him getting raped by Schillinger, and then they were watching him as though he was a rabid animal. Lately they usually watched the Beecher and Keller 'fuck-fest' that went on just about every night.

They watched with a mixture of disgust by some, curiosity by others and envy by a few who wanted Keller and a lot that wanted him, but were too afraid of risking their life for a fuck, as they knew by now that Keller didn't share. Not even when he and Toby were on the outs and not fucking did he share, as the rest of OZ found out by the deaths of Shemin and Browne.

Glancing at O'Reilly and Miguel's pod his brow furrows in concentration as he realizes that the pod is empty. Come to think about it, him and Miguel were supposed to meet each other after work and Miguel never showed up. Shrugging to himself he thinks that Miguel and Ryan probably managed to find a way to get together somewhere.

Smiling to himself he realizes that a few people in EmCity were going to be happy when they find out that Ryan and Miguel were the ones that were in the Hole. Chuckling to himself he is startled when he hears Chris say something to him.

Turning around and straightening out the smile off his face he faces Chris who has gotten up and is standing directly in front of him. He is silent as Chris looks searchingly at his face. Chris moves up to cup Toby's face with his hand and Toby rubs his cheek into his lover's palm.

Smiling slightly at the still silent man. "What's wrong baby?"

Toby breath hitches and his heartbeat accelerates as silent tears pour down Chris's face. Wiping the tears away, "what's wrong baby, tell me please?"

It is said so softly that at first Toby isn't quite sure that he hears it. "What?"

"I thought it was you."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Fuck, fuck, fucking, fucking asshole. I told him, I told him." Slamming his hand against the wall, Hoyt pulls back his hand in a fit of rage and pain.

"Motherfucker, cunt mother fucker, all he had to do was leave them alone. Shit this place is filled with people to fuck with, why couldn't he let it be." Pausing to look out of McManus' office, he smiles at the angry CO who is shooting daggers at him.

"Take that sucker," he tells Mineo who was denied the pleasure of escorting him to the hole. "Can't go to the hole while under doctor's watch." Taking a quick glimpse around and noticing that only Mineo can see him he quickly whips out his dick. Waving it at the angry CO he quickly rebuttons his pants as Mineo makes his way toward him.

Seeing Mineo being stopped by a returning McManus, he again smiles at the frustrated CO. Turning around and sitting in the chair as McManus opens the door Hoyt places a guileless expression on his face that looks totally at odds with his numerous tattoos.

"So Hoyt," sitting down behind his desk. "You want to explain to me what is going on."

With a confused look on his face, "Going on?"

"Yeah, between you and the Aryans."

Slouching in his chairs. "What between me and the Aryans?"

Resting his hands on his desk and leaning forward. "Look don't act stupid with me Hoyt, you know what I mean. It is a common fact the Aryans and the Bikers are synonymous with each other. What happened to make you attack one of them?"

"One of who?"

"Don't act stu…." realizing that he was in the midst of repeating himself McManus leans back in his chair and silently studies Hoyt. //Look at him, sitting over there// he thinks to himself. //Acting for all the world as if nothing is going on, but fuck, something is. And whatever it is, I know that I am not going to like it.//

Staring at Hoyt. "You know that because of the medication that you are on, I can't put you in the cage or in the Hole." Hoyt snickers when he hears this.

Getting angry, "But that doesn't mean that I can't restrict your movement," smiling to himself as the Biker stops laughing. "I could but I won't. You may go." As the Biker moves to open the door, "And Hoyt, anymore violence on your part and no matter what Dr. Glenn says, your ass is in the cage." Feeling a hollow victory when the Biker gives him a 'yeah right' look, Tim swivels in his chair until he hears the door close behind him.

"Tough day baby?"

Turning around with a smile on his face to greet his lover Tim takes a long look at the one face in this place that never ceased to make him happy. Running a hand through his hair, he opens up a bottom drawer and removes a bottle of Scotch and two glasses. Pouring himself a drink he offers one to the person in front of him.

The occupant refuses and takes a seat. "Wanna tell me about it?"

"How about you tell me about yours?" Tim suggests.

Shrugging his shoulders Sean leans into the desk. "Oh, nothing really. Only that Keller seems majorly pissed at something and we all know what that means."

"Beecher." They say in unison.

Nodding at the door that the prisoner just exited. "Get any info from Hoyt?"

Giving Sean a 'what do you think' look Tim swallows the contents of the glass and goes to pour himself another one. Feeling the reproving look that he is getting from Sean even though he can't see him he changes his mind and place the liquor and the glasses back in his desk.

"Heard about what happened to Alvarez?"

Nodding his head. "Yeah, I was just coming from Gloria when I was told Hoyt was in my office."

"What do you think this means?"

"I don't know, but whatever it is, it can't be good."

Shaking his head in agreement, Sean looks around the office at nothing in particular. "I think it was meant for Beecher."

"Why do you say that?"

"I don't know, it's just this feeling that I have."

"But why would something that was meant for Beecher happen to Alvarez?"

Looking Tim in the eyes, "I don't know, but I do know that whatever happened earlier today put Keller in a bad mood and the only thing that could accomplish that is something involving Beecher."

"But nothing happened to Beecher."

"I know that, but what if, what if what happened involved Beecher in some way. That in itself would be enough to set Keller off."

"You're right. But I still don't see why what happened to Alvarez would involve Beecher."

"I don't know," Sean moves to stand up and look out at EmCity. "But whatever it is, it's bad."

Running his hands through his thinning hair, Tim lets out a deep breath. "Tell me about it, not only do I have to worry about this thing that is going down with the Bikers and the Aryans, I have to worry about Keller, and we all know how bodies tend to show up when he's pissed. But now I have to think about what the fuck O'Reilly is going to do in retaliation for what happened to Alvarez."

Turning around to smile at his love, "Things just seem to be getting better and better aren't they."

Smiling at Sean's attempt at humor, Tim starts to frown again and shudders. "What's the matter baby?" Sean asks walking toward Tim with a worried expression on his face. Looking up at Sean. "I don't know, for a minute there it felt like someone was walking over my grave."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Walking back to his cell Hoyt minds goes back to a few days before with him, Vern and Robson in the mailroom. "I told those fuckers, I told them…. aahhh…

Feeling a sudden bout of nausea hit him. Hoyt quickly grabs a hold of the wall in front of him. Swallowing a limp forming in his throat he closes his eyes until the feeling passes. Wanting to do nothing more than lie down and not later but right at that minute he gathers strength from his reserves and is able to sneer a 'fuck off' at a passing hack that looks at him sympathetically.

"Hurry up fucker," Mineo bellows at him as he slows down once again as spasms of pain hit his lower abdomen.

Wanting to do nothing more than slam his fist in the grinning hacks face, Hoyt can do nothing more than hold his stomach and whisper suddenly. "I need to see Dr. Glenn."

Shaking his head and relishing in the prisoners' obvious discomfort. "I don't think so, it's back to EmCity for you."

Reaching out and grabbing hold of the wall as another bout of nausea, this time followed by a sudden urge to spew, "Shit, this isn't a joke, you can either take me to Doc now or carry me in later."

Suddenly noticing how pale the prisoner looked and assessing that Hoyt was not pulling a fast one on him Mineo curses under his breath. Taking a hold of the Biker he starts to half pull half support the man on his way to the infirmary.

Feeling the bigger man sag against him, Mineo again curses under his breath. "Fuck." If anything happened to Hoyt in his care, he knew the Bikers would make life for him a living hell, if they didn't just shank him to begin with.

Never in his life was he so glad to see the Irishman. Not even bothering to find out why the man was there instead of in lockdown in his pod he called out to him.

"Yo, O'Reilly." When the man turned around with an annoyed look on his face Mineo just grimaced and nodded to Hoyt who seemed to be out of it. "Some help here."

The Irishman looked torn between the desire to rip Mineo's head off and the desire to look back at whatever it was that had his attention beyond the infirmary's glass. Looking back at Hoyt and Mineo and then beyond the glass the Irishman walked over to the pair.

With a strength belying his obvious physical stature, he relieves Mineo of his burden and then proceeds towards the infirmary almost carrying Hoyt himself. Mineo shakes his head and moves ahead to open clear the way.

Directing O'Reilly to put an incoherent Hoyt on the nearest bed he turns around and is surprised that no one has come as yet to assist them.

"Keep and eye on him," he tells O'Reilly as he goes to find out what the fuck is going on. Walking further into the infirmary he notices that even the usual guards are not around and he walks around trying to find someone when he hears a loud crash.

Taking out his baton as he rushes towards the sound he is surprised when he finds and it looks like to him the whole hospital staff surrounding and working on a figure on the bed. The inmate was not being very co-operative.

Smiling sadistically at the opportunity to hit a defenceless inmate Mineo moves in for the kill. Trying to hold the man down and unsuccessfully, Gloria sees a movement out of the corner of her eye.

Noting that it is Mineo, and recognizing his intent by the gleam in his eyes and his raised baton she quickly shouts an order to the four orderlies and doctor, curses under her breath as she realizes that someone left the curtains open and goes out to confront Mineo.

Having never liked the odious man, almost as much as she detested Howell, and that was saying something, she approaches him with her hands held up. Hating having to even touch him and reminding herself to scrub down before she touched another patient with this man skin on her hands she glares up at him.

"And just what do you think you are doing?" she snarls.

Knowing that Gloria did not like him, and the feeling was quite mutual. //Bitch had a baby for O'Reilly for fucks sake// That in his book made her no better than the scum he watched over. But seeing that she was the warden's wife, he placed a smile on his face and looked at her.

Nodding at the now closed curtains, "Thought I would help subdue the prisoner."

Raising an eyebrow, "And you needed your baton to do this."

Shrugging his shoulders, "He looked unruly to me."

Looking at the man and letting her disgust for him show. "Can't you see that he is hurt."

Shrugging again and giving her a 'and what does that have to do with it' look Mineo just smirks at her. "Well, he was moving so he couldn't be that hurt."

Disgusted with the man in front of her and no longer trying to be professional, "What do you want Officer Mineo."

At Gloria's huffy tone, Mineo immediately puffs up. 'Can't stand the bitch' he thinks to himself. 'She's the warden's wife, she's the warden's wife, and more importantly more than half of OZ would kill for her,' he reminds himself. "Brought you in somebody."

Looking back towards the entrance of the infirmary. "Who?"

"Hoy…" he is interrupted by Gloria who races down the hall in the direction of Hoyt. Sucking his teeth, he turns around and makes a leisure stroll back to where he left Hoyt and O'Reilly. "Stinking uppity bitches and prisoners" he says out loud.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Taking a look at Hoyt who was sweating profusely and mumbling incoherently, Ryan gently places the Biker down on the bed. Looking around he locates a basin and moves to a sink to fill it with water.

Familiar with the layout he quickly finds and retrieves a cloth. Dipping it in the water he wrings it out and gently bathes the Bikers brow. Many who knew Ryan would be surprised to see this side of him with anyone in this prison other than his brother, who thank the Virgin Mary was out of here on a conditional pardon, Alvarez and though it was a well kept secret except from a few, Beecher, many would be shocked.

Ryan knew why he was doing it. It had less to do with making Hoyt comfortable and more to do with him needing to do 'something' to keep his mind off what happened today and what was going on beyond the curtains, which he noticed that Gloria had just closed from an approaching Mineo.

Seeing Mineo move towards the opened curtain with his baton raised and knowing what type of sadistic fuck he was Ryan was about to go over their and rip the CO a new asshole when first, Hoyt grabbed a hold of his arm and second Gloria stopped Mineo in his tracks.

'Motherfucker,' Ryan thinks to himself, mentally reminding himself to pay the CO back when he had the time. Turning back to Hoyt who surprisingly was getting his colour back and staring directly at Ryan.

"Sorry O'Reilly, I didn't know. I tried to stop it." Hoyt said weakly.

Nodding his head at the Biker, O'Reilly continued to wipe his forehead. Shaking his forehead when O'Reilly tried to wipe again. "I told the fucker to let it go. I had no idea that he was going to do this."

Still silent O'Reilly repeats the repetitive motion of wiping and wetting and wringing out the cloth. Needing the Irishman to say something, Hoyt grabs hold of his hand. "You know what Alvarez and Beecher did for me."

Looking O'Reilly straight in the eyes to make sure that there were no misunderstandings. "I owe them, so whatever you do, I won't interfere."

Looking quickly at the Biker at what he had implied O'Reilly for the first time that day actually started to feel something akin to an emotion and not the hollow void of fear and nothingness that he was experiencing since this whole thing started.

Seeing Gloria reach them, he steps back to allow her nearer to the Biker. "I'll hold you to it," Ryan finally says, speaking for the first time since bringing Hoyt in.

Moving to lean against the opposite bed, he moves around and hands Gloria a pair of latex gloves that she quickly dons. "Thanks" come the absentminded reply as she goes and places Hoyt through a serious of tests.

Checking the inmate over and realizing that he was okay, she quickly makes a note on his chart that Ryan hands her, pulls off her gloves and leans against the opposite bed and looks at Hoyt.

"Okay Jazz," Hoyt winces as she calls his Christian name and this causes Ryan to smirk. 'At least he is able to laugh all things considered,' Gloria thinks casting a quick glance at Ryan. Returning her gaze to Hoyt.

"What happened?"

Looking at Gloria sheepishly, Hoyt dons an innocent expression. "That look doesn't work buddy, believe me I know," supplies O'Reilly.

Looking at Gloria to see if the statement is true he notices that she has a 'don't give me any bullshit' expression on her face.

"It wasn't my fault Dr. Glenn…" he begins but is cut off when Gloria let's out a snort and gives him a knowing look.

"Hoyt, you know because of the type of medication that you are on that you are not up to 100%. That is why I have you on a special diet and a restricted exercise plan." Seeing that the Biker is about to say something she holds up her hand to him for him to be silent.

"I explained this to you before Hoyt, the drug Kaletra is strong. And it will make you weak, that is why I specifically told you not to exert yourself."

"I know this Doc, but it was not my fault."

Giving the Biker a look that all mothers have down packed, you know the one the 'oh yeah, and whose is it look,' Gloria smiles as the Biker squirms like a pre-schooler who got caught with his hands in the proverbial cookie jar. Expecting the Biker to start pouting any minute she is surprised when he starts to glare over her shoulder.

Turning around when she realizes that the tension level in the room just went up 150%, she notices Schillinger being escorted into the infirmary. Giving both men a measured look and giving Ryan a warning glance she turns and leaves to see what is wrong with the incoming inmate.

"Like I said before O'Reilly. Whatever you do, you have my support." With that Hoyt moves off the bed as Mineo who intercepted Dr. Glenn before she reached Schillinger and pointed in his direction starts to come forward after Gloria quickly says something to him that makes him grimace and then nod in his direction.

"Come on Hoyt, back to EmCity with you." Turning to look at Ryan Mineo looks back at Gloria. "What about O'Reilly?"

Glancing up quickly from her discussion with the CO who brought in Schillinger, she waves at Mineo. "Leave him, I'll get someone else to carry him back."

"It's no problem, I'll do it."

Staring hard at the CO, "I said, leave him, I'll get someone else."

Muttering under his breath about uppity doctors Mineo makes his way out of the infirmary with Hoyt in front of him. Before he is completely out he hears Gloria voice trailing him. "I meant what I said CO Mineo I better not see a single thing."

Laughing as he now realizes what the doc was telling the CO to get him so upset Hoyt starts to think of the many different ways that he could make this little trip back to EmCity miserable for the CO. Noticing the look on the prisoners face Mineo once again starts to silently curse Dr. Glenn.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"I thought it was you."

Moving over to stand in front of the silent man, Toby gently traces the curve of his lover's cheek. "Chris baby, tell me what's wrong? he pleads.

Looking into Toby's eyes and seeing the uncertainty and fear, the big man takes a deep breath. While he knows that the fear is not because Toby is afraid of him but for him it does not sit well with him. After all that they had went through to be together, he made a promise to himself that Toby would never experience fear because of or for him.

But damn it, this was hard. 'How am I supposed to tell him', he thinks. 'Knowing Toby and his propensity towards self-guilt, can I handle that right now.'

Looking into the sorrow filled blue eyes he knows that he does not have a choice. "It's about Miguel."

Confused by the quick appearance of a grin on the face in front of him. Toby lightly smacks Keller on his forearm. "Duh," he turns around and points to Ryan and Alvarez's empty pod. Hitting him harder this time. "And that's for scaring me."

Turning around and walking to the pod's door to give the Muslim whose pod is directly opposite his a signal to give to Kareem, he nods when the Muslim does as he asks and then turns around to lean against the glass.

"I could have figured that out by the empty pod," face furrowing in confusion, "but what I don't get is why you were so angry." Swishing his hips provocatively while approaching Keller. "Don't tell me that you wished it was us."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Anger barely contained, Chris feels like a volcano is about to erupt when he pictures Toby instead of Miguel in that situation.

Not noticing his lovers look of fury Toby moistens his finger and then reaches out and traces Keller's lips with it's tip, moving in for a hot kiss, "because, if you want, I can get us the adjoining cells in the hole."

Closing in for the kiss, Keller is swept away by the automatic response of his body to Toby nearness. It is only when the tongue in front of his seeks entrance that he is able to remember what was supposed to be going on.

Wrenching his head away and willing his body to cool down and ignoring the frustrated moan that Toby emits at being denied what he wants, Chris holds out a hand to stop the advancing man.

"No, Beech, not now."

Cocking his head in confusion at words that he thought would never come out of his lovers' mouth, Beecher stops suddenly to look at the man in front of him as though he had never seen him before.

"No," he says disbelievingly. "you have got to be kidding me right?"

Ignoring the hand and the obvious reluctance of the man in front of him, Beecher slowly pulls his shirt over his head. Quickly stripping of his pants until he is only standing in his boxers. He advances on Keller who continues to move back until his body thumps against the back of the pod.

Smiling deviously when he realizes that the man has no other possible route to escape, Beecher moves until he is standing right in front of Chris and places both of his hands on opposite sides of Keller's body, effectively limiting his ability to move.

Trailing a tongue on the bobbing Adam's apple in front of him. "Now where were we?"

Keller muffles a groan as his traitorous body starts to relax and as if by it's own will, his head tilts back to give Toby greater access to his neck. Moaning as Toby starts to suck with earnest while trying to pull his wifebeater out of his pants, Chris starts to help him when there is a loud bang on the pod door.

"Break it up you two, before I have to come in there."

Seemingly oblivious to everyone and everything except the man in front of him, Toby ignores the warning and sighs in relief as he finally gets his hands under Chris's shirt to touch the skin underneath.

The cool air hitting his exposed back finally penetrates his brain as he quickly turns around and looks at a pissed Mineo.

'What the fuck now' he thinks. 'Can't a man get a decent fuck without the whole world interrupting.'

Leaning back until he is flush against Keller's chest he stares at the annoying hack.

"Yes Officer Mineo."

"Don't yes Officer Mineo to me you fucking fairy."

Toby quickly pats at Chris' arms willing him to simmer down before he does something dumb like attacking Mineo for calling him a fairy. Although Chris is still pissed at Mineo he gets what Toby is trying to convey and wraps his arms around Toby who relaxes in his arms.

"Beecher, move away from Keller." Mineo grates out, disgust evident in his voice.

As if taunting the hack, Tobey completely relaxes his body until it seems that he is molded into Chris. "I have read the rules, exactly where does it state that inmates can not have any contact with each other. All we are doing is seeking some physical contact in these times of emotional stress."

Sneering at the prisoners, Mineo makes a step forward, then quickly steps back at the growl Chris gives when he advances on Tobey.

Not wanting to seem that he is afraid of the prisoner Mineo retrieves his baton and raises it threatenly.

"Don't you have anything better to do than to harass the inmates?"

Mineo turns around and silently curses as he sees the speaker.

"I was just trying to get some order in here Murphy."

Looking around at Toby's half clothed state, the way he is leaning into Keller and the way Keller is watching the CO as though he was a bug that he would enjoy squashing, Murphy is quite aware of what Mineo was interrupting and wished again for the thousandth time that some inmate would shank the homophobic prick.

'Shame on you' Murphy chides himself. 'He is a CO and rules are rules, no matter how much you would like them to change.'

Sending an apologetic look to Beecher and Keller, "Guys you know the rules-'

"But we weren't doing anything." Beecher interrupts, trying desperately for an innocent look.

Taking a slow perusal of Beechers' state of dress again, only stopping when a low growl is emitted from Keller. Forgetting how possessive this prisoner was, Murphy holds out his hand in mock surrender to let the big man know that no harm was intended.

Keller still eyes Murphy suspiciously until a soft 'Chris' makes him nod an acceptance to Murphy and go back to his relaxed pose.

"Yeah right, you little faggot."

Only Toby's hold on Chris stops him from going after Mineo, and that was only made possible by him sagging his weight into Chris.

Not knowing what is going on, all Chris realizes is one minute he was going to tear that asshole Mineo a new one for continuing to call Toby names and the next he was holding a limp Toby in his arms.

Knowing his priorities Chris ignores Mineo for the moment and cradles Toby in his arms sinking to floor gently so as not to hurt him.

Forgetting that they have an audience, Chris quickly runs his hands up and down Toby's body looking for any type of injury that would explain Toby going limp in his arms.

Murphy aware of the ploy, gives Toby a look of gratitude and steers Mineo out of the pod.

When outside the pod he turns to the disgruntled CO. "How would you like to work in Unit D Mineo."

Mineo blanches when he hears this. Unit D was the worst unit in the whole of OZ. Only the dredges of the criminal society were allocated to that unit.

The criminals there make Schillinger and Co. look like choirboys. The death rate in that unit in a month totalled that of the all the rest of the units in the prison combined for a month.

The violence wasn't only inflicted upon the prisoners, no the guards had to be especially careful too, or they would wind up on the casualty list themselves.

Many guards had to been known to ask for transfers before they would get allocated there. There were no female or young or 'pretty' guards sent there, since they were often or not victims of some type of crime.

The only good thing that one could say about Unit D was that it had the lowest incidence of rape, reported or unreported. It wasn't that the inmates didn't have sex with each other, it was more of the case that every one had their own avenues of release and each group had their servers.

Mineo could still remember an incident of when one of the 'prags' from Unit D was transferred to Unit B. Schillinger and Co. learned a lesson that didn't have to be repeated again.

An Aryan by the name of Aaron took a liking to the youngster. Who if anyone had to be honest looked like a fallen pubescent angel, long blonde hair that reached his waist, clear gray eyes and a milky complexion that still looked good even after years in OZ. Schillinger wanted first dibs but was warned off by Robson.

One day in the quad a group Aryans cornered the guy and forced him to suck them off. Aaron the biggest of them at over 275+ pounds was found the next day emasculated with his penis hanging out of his mouth.

Nobody in OZ took credit for the killing, or was ever charged or investigated for it, but the unofficial knowledge was that kid from Unit D took care of it himself.

And if that was what the prags in Unit D were capable of, he could just imagine what the real leaders in there could do.

Looking at the CO, "No, I have no wish to work there."

Leaning into the CO as if confiding in him, which everyone who were watching the pair knew was a lie considering that the whole system knew that they hated each other.

"Then I would suggest that you leave Keller and Beecher alone. We have enough problems going on, without you adding anymore to the mix. Got it."

"Got it." With that Mineo walks off cursing all fags, the ones that were prisoners and the ones that were officers. "Fucking fudge packer, probably wants to fuck Beecher himself, or get fucked by Keller,"

"Did you say something Officer Mineo?" Murphy asks the retreating CO.

"No, I didn't."

"I didn't think so."

Giving the inmates another look and seeing that they were still on the floor, Murphy knows that he should go in there and separate them, but he doesn't. Knowing what Keller has yet to tell Toby, he allows them this minute knowing that it was all of the comfort he could provide for two of his four favourites in OZ.

Tapping on the glass and giving a slight warning look when Toby looks up at him with a half smile on his face, he forgets for a minute and winks at the blonde.

Keller moves to get up, put Toby holds him down and waves Murphy off with a smile. Murphy nods and heads back up to the CO Station.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Turning slightly until he is facing Keller.

"What's the matter baby?" Toby asks gently cupping the man's face. "It's not like you to let that ass get to you like that."

Chris closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Opening them he stares at Toby for a long time without saying anything.

"I thought it was you and then when you said you wished it was us, I don't know, I lost it, and then to have to- "

Resting his finger against Chris' lips. "That's like the third time you said that, exactly what did you think was me, I don't get it, and why were you so upset if I asked you if you wished it was us instead of Ryan and Miguel?"

Fighting the anger and fear that threatened to overwhelm him Chris nods towards the bunk. Rising up he reaches for Tobey.
Steering Toby towards the lower bunk, he pushes him down until he is seated and then squats between his legs that he nudges open.

Lifting up his hands to caress the face in front of him, he smiles as Toby closes his eyes and leans into the touch.

'I love him so much, how can I do this?' Chris thinks. 'I know Toby; I know what he's like. Oh God, can't we get a break, first his parole is denied for two more years and now this. What will this do to him?'

Chris is unaware that he has his eyes closed and is a little startled to open them to drown in a pool of blue.

Moistening his lips slightly, "Tell me what's wrong Chris, you're scaring me here."

Looking into the eyes that for the last few months were free from shadows, Chris hates the fact that he now has to be the one to make them return. If Schillinger was here Chris knows without a shadow of a doubt that he would kill the motherfucker with his bare hands before Toby had a chance to object.

'That's gonna change baby,' Chris thinks to himself. 'There is no way that Nazi fuck is going to get away with this. If Ryan doesn't deal with him I will. No way am I letting him get the chance to come after you again.'

"It's about Miguel."

Surprised that the man is talking again. "What about Miguel?"

"Something happened today -"

"Like what?"

"There was an -"

"Is he okay, is that why him and Ryan are not back yet?" Closing his eyes and sighing, "And here I was joking about them being in the hole and Miguel is somewhere hurt."

Opening an eye to peer at Keller, "No one tried to shank him did they, I bet it was Hernandez, he didn't like the fact that Morales told him to leave Miguel alon-"

Holding tightly onto Toby's hands, "No Toby, it was nothing like that, it wasn't the Latinos - it was Schillinger."

Face frowning, "What reason would Schillinger have to shank Miguel, I mean other than the fact that me and Miguel are friends, I can't see him doing that?"

"Toby, look at me," Toby turns and stares at Keller.

"He didn't shank him."

"Of course I know that, he probably got Robson or one of those other Aryan fucks to do it."

"Toby you're not listening to me - he didn't shank him."

"Then what else could cause Ryan and Miguel" - Chris knows the exact moment that Toby realizes the truth.

A guttural scream of 'NO' fills the air, vibrating through the pod and into EmCity and beyond.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Staring hard at the bald headed Nazi that is smirking at him from across the room, Ryan desperately prays to the Virgin for help in his time of need. Closing his eyes and taking a much needed breath, he tries to remember all the good things in his life. He tries to remember all the reasons he has not to go over there and end that motherfucker's fucked up existence.

Think Ryan think; 'there's your son, even though you will never see him outside these walls, Gloria and Glenn said that they will tell him all about you and let him visit when he gets older. If you kill Schillinger, you will get the death penalty.'

'Come on' Ryan, he thinks to himself, 'there is Cyril, you've fucked up his life enough, don't add to it.'

'Then there's Miguel; Miguel is going to need you Ryan. When he comes out of it, and he *will* come out of it, Miguel's gonna need you more than ever. Yes he'll have Tobey and if something happens to you, you know K-Boy will watch over him for you, just as you watch over Tobey for him. But he's going to need you, so don't fuck it up now O'Reilly,' a voice in his head replies. 'Don't let Miguel down now, just when he's going to need you the most.'

Taking stock of all of his priorities settles Ryan's resolve and he let's go of the scalpel that he is holding that he doesn't remember picking up.

"Hey O'Reilly, want me to tell you about the day I had?" Schillinger shouts across the sick room ignoring the scowling guard at his side and the rapidly approaching pissed off Dr. Glenn.

Closing his eyes Ryan prays for calm, and for the sense not to run over there and bury the scalpel in Schillinger's throat and dance naked in his warm blood as it jets furiously out of his slowly dying body.

"Yeah, was in the mood for Mexican, but since that wasn't available, had to have the next best thing, a little Cuban delicacy, wasn't what I ordered, but it was Latin all the same."

Turning the scalpel around until the blade was cutting into his wrist, Ryan used the pain to try to drown out the images that he had flicking through his mind. The first one of him bathing naked in Schillinger's blood, Ryan starts to smile nastily at this thought. But all of a sudden the smile turns into a tortured look as the image of him bathing in the blood is quickly followed by an image of those Nazi fucks holding Miguel down and cheering while Schillinger plunders his body.

"Yep O'Reilly," Schillinger continues, "I can see the reason you do the things you do." As if suddenly realizing that he was coming dangerously close to admitting to a violent crime, one which could get him a few more years added onto his sentence, Schillinger shuts up and just continues to give Ryan that all knowing and smirking look.

Pressing the blade a little deeper into his palm until he can feel a copious amount of blood pooling in his hand and dripping onto the floor, Ryan looks at Schillinger with murder in his eyes. "I'll bathe in your blood, if it's the last thing I ever do." Ryan says quietly to himself.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Scowling at the retreating CO's back, Gloria takes a quick glance at O'Reilly. Noticing that the Irishman is barely able to contain his emotions and knowing that he is fighting a battle that will test the limits to his endurance and ability to stay calm, Gloria hurriedly moves over to where the newly arrived CO and inmate are.

Barely able to suppress the disgust that she has for the prisoner standing in front of her, she mentally prepares herself to be polite and get him as far away from Ryan as she possibly can, as quickly as she can.

Ignoring the man that raped the uncle of her child, and now it seems the lover of her child's father, and who would, she has no doubt, condemn her and her child to death, she directs her attention to the CO.

Pointing distractedly towards Schillinger she asks the CO. "What seems to be the problem?"

Knowing the dynamics between the doctor and the inmate and the circulating tidbits of information floating around OZ about the events of the day, Officer Burrows really wishes that he had used good sense and had listened to his gut and taken the day off. 'This was not a good day to be here, he knew it, the rest of the guards knew it and most of the prison population knew it.'

Frowning at the copious amount of sweat that starts to drain down his back making a mockery of the fact that the infirmary was so cold that many of the patients were now covered with two sheets. "Um….the..the…" stopping suddenly and silently cursing himself for the stuttering that only affects him when he's nervous.

"Yes Officer Burrows," she addresses the guard again.

"Sorry Dr. Glenn, but Schillinger here," glancing quickly at the smirking man, "was complaining of bad stomach cramps, and he was dry heaving so we thought to bring him to the Infirmary."

Raising a skeptical brow, "Dry heaving and stomach cramps hunh, are you perhaps menstruating Mr. Schillinger? She asks snidely.

Looking at Dr. Glenn that Schillinger despises, not only for who she married, but whom he considers as nothing more than a cream coated nigger, he shoots her a look that would have had half the population in OZ terrified of when they were going to take their last breath.

Not the least bit intimidated by the man that is as feared as this one, only feeling disgust and thanking God that he isn't really sick which would have forced her to put her oath of saving a life, no matter whose it is to the test, she addresses the guard again.

"Mr. Schillinger is fine, carry him back to his cell."

Quickly grabbing the prisoner's arm, Burrows is eager to return Schillinger and is thankful that this is his last day before his three and a half week vacation. Something big is going to go down and he doesn't want to be here to get caught in the cross fire.

Schillinger, never liking the doctor, smiles nastily, "Aren't you going to check me out, Dr. Glenn?" Schillinger addresses Gloria.

Looking pointedly at Schillinger. "You did what you came to do."
Disgust is evident in her voice. "You saw what you came to see."
She turns and looks at Ryan who looks like he is dazed, and then turns back to look at Schillinger who is sneering at the Irishman across the room. "Now you can leave." With that she waves her hand at the guard and turns around dismissively.

Before he leaves, Schillinger can't help but throw out one more dig. "Yes O'Reilly, we have to get together one of these days and discuss what we have in common."

Giving Dr. Glenn a malicious look before he reminds himself that this is the warden's wife and that Leo would have no problem with assigning him to Solitary for the rest of his stay in OZ, he turns around and glares at the CO that is prodding him with his baton.

Scowling at the CO that is now pointedly pushing him out of the Infirmary, Schillinger starts to sing, 'I Am The Lord of The Dance' at the top of his lungs.

"Hey fucking watch where you stick that thing motherfucker," they hear Schillinger tell the CO a minute later, followed by the sound of a loud whack.

Finally reaching Ryan, Gloria looks him over and is a little worried by the obscure look that he is still sporting. Having searched over his face just in cause it is delayed shock, Gloria lets out a sound of dismay when she looks at his bleeding hand.

"Oh Ryan, how could you," she cries and moves over to take his hand, leading him towards the sink to rinse off the blood.

Tsking at the amount of blood and at how deep Ryan actually cut his hand Gloria realizes that they are going to need stitches. Moving over to get her supplies, she almost misses what Ryan says.

"I'm gonna have to kill him."

Not knowing what to do at this point Gloria stays quiet. She knows that as a prison worker, she should report him, but as an ex-lover, mother of his child, and a past rape survivor, she understands and agrees with him.

She looks at Ryan as she cleans his wounds and gets ready to give him a few stitches. "Ryan you can't say stuff like that to me," she admonishes him. "You know I'm supposed to report threats made by prisoners against other prisoners in my hearing."

Staring Gloria in the eye, "So you going to report me?"

"No I'm not," blowing at the bangs that are escaping into her eyesight. "Just make sure that the fucker suffers first," looking Ryan straight in the eye so that he can know that she is deadly serious, "I mean *really* suffers Ryan. And if you ever tell anyone I said that, I will deny all knowledge about ever speaking of this to you." She jokes, and is happy to see him smile at her attempt.

Pointing to an empty bed, "Go sit over there Ryan," she says as she fills a needle with Lodacaine®. After anaesthetizing the area she quickly makes the stitches.

Taking a deep breath, she faces Ryan. "About Miguel."

Gloria wants to cry out at the quick look of pain and helplessness that settles over Ryans' features. Looking at eyes that are so reminiscent of her son's it tears at her mother's heart.

"Ryan, Ryan," she repeats again when the Irishman closes his eyes. "I know that this hurts, but you have to hear this."

Nodding slowly for her to continue. "You are aware that he will need surgery?"

At Ryan's closed eyed nod she continues.

"Well thanks to being the warden's wife and some fancy footwork to a few local politicians, I got in some fancy equipment that allows for certain types of injuries that would normally be transferred to Mercy being done here. I also got a doc-"

Ryan opens his eyes and interrupts Gloria, "What does any of this have to do with Miguel?"

Smiling at his impatience, which is so reminiscent of their son. "What I was trying to say *Ryan* before you interrupted me, was that the types of injuries that Miguel sustained we would be able to treat here instead of him going to Mercy."

"You mean, Miguel will be here, where I can see him?"

Gloria hates the fact that she has to extinguish the little hope that is in Ryan's eyes. "Yes Ryan," she nods, "Miguel is going to be here, but you won't be able to see him," she tells him regretfully.

Ryan looks at her, "What do you mean I won't be able to see him? He'll be right here." Ryan points out to the recovery room in the infirmary.

"No Ryan, any and all patients that are treated for these surgeries have a separate room for recovery that is on restricted access - and before you ask, I'm sorry I can't get you in, that was part of the deal when we got the wing built, that limited access would be guaranteed considering the delicate nature of the equipment and the hefty price tag that they carry."

Turning to look at the Irishman that is now lounging on the bed, "Ryan, I have to tell you about what is going on with Miguel."

Not getting an answer from the man and not really expecting one, Gloria continues when Ryan gives a slight nod of his head. "As you know-" Gloria is interrupted by the sound of her name being called from across the room.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Turning with a scowl in the direction of the interruption, the scowl is quickly replaced by a look of trepidation when she sees who is approaching.

Ryan, noticing the look of apprehension that is settling across Gloria's face, stands up hurriedly with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Yes Dr. Black," Gloria addresses the man who is stripping of his remaining surgery garb and throws them in the receptacle for soiled doctors garments.

He looks quizzically at Ryan and since Gloria makes no move to dismiss the prisoner or ask for him to leave Dr. Black just shrugs his shoulders, gives Ryan a courtesy nod of acknowledgement and faces Gloria.

Gloria snaps out of the worried daze. "This is Ryan O'Reilly, he has a vested interest in the outcome of the operation."

Since this is a prison, Dr. Black has a pretty good idea what Ryan's interest is in one Miguel Alvarez, and since the likelihood of them being related was closer to zero or none, it was a safe bet to assume that Ryan and the patient had an intimate relationship.

Rick feels sorry for the man; prison life must be tough enough without this sort of thing happening, and then to happen to someone you love and live with the knowledge that it could happen again and you were helpless to stop it has to be hard.

Smiling at the prisoner, hoping to convey the message that everything was all right, he steps back a bit so that he can address both Ryan and Gloria.

He speaks to Gloria, because he feels it is easier that way, and he knows that if something like this happened to his lover that he would be distraught, so he can't help but empathize with Ryan.

"It wasn't as bad as we thought." Rick gives Ryan a little smile as he lets out a relieved breath and his shoulders sag as though the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders.

"But that doesn't mean that there was not any damage. I did an initial colorectal - "

Stopping the doctor, "you did a what?"

Looking at Gloria for assurance Dr. Black turns until he is facing Ryan. Suddenly he is aware that they are out in the open and decides that they need to find a more private place to have this discussion. Taking a hold of the stiff prisoner who is resistant at first, until the he smiles and shows that he means no harm, but is just trying to steer him to a more comfortable location, he guides the man in the direction of Dr. Glenn's office.

"I think we should move this to Dr. Glenn's office."

Getting the nod of consent from Gloria, Dr. Black leads the way to the corner office confident that Ryan and Gloria are right behind him. When they reach the office Gloria indicates for the doctor to take the seat behind her desk as she and Ryan occupy the two seats in front of the desk.

Dr. Black takes a quick glance at a family portrait that is displayed on the corner of the desk. In it is a picture of Gloria, a man that he recognizes as her husband the warden and a little boy that looks like a miniature version of the man seated in front of him.

'It's none of your business Jeffrey' he tells himself as he gets ready to go through the details with Ryan.

"Well, as you know," he begins, "when Miguel came in I did an initial colorectal exam, that is a preliminary examination of the interior rectum," he explains for Ryan's benefit.

"And?" Gloria prods him.

"Well, after we cleaned up the area, we had to use an anascope to check for fissures."

At Ryan's confused look, "We had to use an instrument roughly a little bigger than an index finger, but smaller than a thumb - are you sure you want to hear all of the details, I could give you a shorter version - "

"No, I want to know everything that you did to him." Swallowing the lump in his throat and determined not to break down in front of this strange man. 'If Miguel can go through it, you can hear about it,' an inner voice tells him.

"At anytime that I say something that you don't understand feel free to stop me," he tells Ryan. "After an initial examination with the anascope, we used a sigmoidoscope, that is an instrument we use to see the 'blind spot' in the rectum that the newer instruments tend to overlook."

Seeing a furrow in Ryan's brow, "yes Ryan, do you have something you want to ask me?"

Forcing himself to look the doctor in the eye, "It's usual to give a patient an enema when you do this sort of thing, didn't you - " Ryan breaks off, not quite sure how to phrase the question.

Jeffrey takes pity on the man who, he is sure, would rather have dental surgery performed on him without the benefit of drugs than have this conversation with him.

"Yes we usually give a patient an enema before a colorectal exam, it's called a flexible sigmoidoscopy, but no, in this case we didn't perform one. If we did, all of the evidence that we would need for -"

"Jeffrey don't."

Startled, Jeffrey looks over to Gloria, who is shaking her head and nodding towards Ryan, who now has his eyes closed and has a death grip on the chair. Nodding back in understanding to Gloria, Jeffrey abandons his train of explanations on why an enema was not given to Miguel and returns back to explaining about the surgery.

"Considering the delicacy of the examination which only takes between 2 - 5 minutes, we had to give Miguel a local anaesthesia to help combat the pain. The initial examination proved that there was really very little damage done to the lower rectum and there is very little risk with this examination. It is rare but sometimes bleeding can occur - "

"What do you mean bleeding can occur, what the fuck did you do to him?" Ryan shouts at the man.

"Ryan calm down." Gloria shouts at the agitated man who looks as though he is ready to jump out of his seat and tear the frightened doctor's throat out. "Jeffrey would not hurt Miguel, you know I would not allow that, so if you want this to continue, you can either sit down or I can arrange for a guard to escort you back to EmCity."

Jeffrey swallows audibly as Ryan settles down after the threat, but continues to look tense. The only thing that keeps Jeffrey in his seat and not walking out of the door is the fact that he knows that if he was in Ryan's shoes and he heard that someone could have possibly hurt his lover after what had happened to him, that he would have been out for blood also.

"As I said, it is rare, but sometimes bleeding can occur, which is why it is necessary for us to know before the examination whether or not the patient is taking any type of blood thinning agents such as Aspirin, Coumadin Persantin or Dipyrimadole, Gloria assured me that Miguel is not on any type of medication that she knows of." Left unsaid was the fact that just because Gloria is not aware of Miguel being on any type of drugs, it does not mean that he is not taking any.

"Miguel isn't on anything," Ryan supplies.

Nodding his head, "Okay, that's good to know, the next thing that one has to worry about is perforation of the colon, this can be serious."

At the tensing of the man in front of him, Dr. Black hurries to explain. "But that only usually occurs with patients with diseased colons, and from my examination, that does not seem to be the case with Miguel."

"So that's it, that's all that you had to do with Miguel?"

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, "No that's not all, the rest is really text book medically inclined in nature, are you sure you want to know it all?"

"Please continue Jeffrey," Gloria tells him.

"After the initial examination we discovered that there were a few anal fissures, they are anal tears that were on the interior anal sphincter from the forced entry and increased pressure in the anal canal. They can bleed, itch, and become extremely sore, making bowel movement, sitting, and sex painful."

"In the past," Jeffrey continues, after giving Ryan time to absorb the information and for all of them to get over the embarrassed pause that followed that statement. "In the past we would treat this by either manually stretching the anal muscles or by surgery doing what is called a lateral sphincterotomy, which is basically cutting the muscle. This is done under general anaesthesia but could lead to later problems with bowel movement and the containation of wind."

"So you mean that he could have problems with gas and controlling himself?" Ryan would have laughed if the situation wasn't so serious, but he has a feeling if he started laughing Gloria would have him in the psych ward faster than he could explain to her what is really going on.

'Fuck,' he thinks to himself, 'Miguel's not going to like that.'

"Yes, that is a possibility, but I decided to handle it with non-surgical methods, I am recommending, and I think that Gloria will agree, for Miguel to be put on a treat of Diltiazem (Anoheal®), this will relax the sphincter muscles and allow for the healing of the fissures without surgery."

"Exactly what does this drug do?" Ryan asks Gloria.

Surprised that Ryan addressed the question to her and not Jeffrey, Gloria looks at Jeffrey. He nods in consent for her to continue. "Well Ryan, the drug basically increases the flow of blood to the anal sphincter which allows for the healing of the fissures."

"Is it necessary for him to take this drug?"

Confused by the line of questioning. "Yes Ryan, it is, if he doesn't take the drug the only choice is surgery."

Brow furrowing in concentration. "It's not addictive is it?" he asks in a soft voice.

Understanding dawning. "No Ryan, it's not addictive at all, and if it was, I would not have recommended it."

Nodding at Gloria, Ryan once again turns to Dr. Black, "Is there anything else that I need to know?"

"Last but not least, we did an endoanal sonograph."

"An endoanal what? Sonograph, that sounds as though you took a picture of his ass or something."

"In its basic terms, yes, that's exactly what it is," Jeffrey tells Ryan. "Considering that damage was done and the fact that there were a good number of anal fissures, I wanted to make sure that there was no damage to the sphincter that would require reconstructive surgery. The endoanal sonograph supplies a detailed diagram of the sphincter tears and would let me know if the damage was intensive enough that the patient would suffer from faecal incontinence."

"But that's not the case with Miguel right?" Ryan asks worriedly.

"No, the endoanal sonograph gives a better magnetic reasoning than electromyography, which can be useful when scarring makes interpretation of ultrasonography difficult, or in patients who have had an imperforate anus, but since neither applies to Miguel and I am confident that the tears are not extensive enough to warrant us worrying about faecal inconsistence. There might be slight rectal pain associated with the surgery and damage, but in a few weeks the fissures should heal if Miguel follows Gloria's orders.

All of sudden a loud beep goes off in the office. Dr. Black pulls his pager from his belt clip and frowns in concentration.

Looking over at Ryan. "Are there any more questions that I can help you with?"

"No, that's okay." Ryan tells the doctor.

Standing up, "Okay then, that was Mercy, one of my post op was just brought in, and I have to go. Ryan if you have any more questions, I'm sure Gloria can answer them for you." Turning towards Gloria, "I'll be back in a few days to check on the rest of my patients. I know it's not prison procedure to keep the patients in for longer than a few days, but I would appreciate it if you managed to keep Miguel in the wing for at least two weeks."

"Don't worry about it Jeff, I'll see to it."

Nodding to Gloria, Jeffrey makes his way towards the door.

"Dr. Black," Jeffrey turns around at his name being called.

Ryan holds out his hand, "Thank you for all that you've done for me, if you ever need anything, tell Gloria to give me a holler for you."

Knowing how hard it must have been for the man to make that sacrifice of extending his arm to him and then to let him know that he was in his debt, Jeffrey shakes his hand.

"Just take care of Miguel and we'll call it even."

Ryan nods silently at the man and graces him with a genuine smile. "I will."

"I know you will, remember, any questions ask Gloria, if she doesn't know, she'll contact me."

"Okay."

"Sorry to do this, but I really have to go." Jeffrey apologizes.

"See you later," Gloria tells Jeffrey as he turns around and quickly dashes through the exit.

"He's not half bad."

She turns towards Ryan. "I know," pointing for Ryan to take a seat.

"There are a few more things that we have to go over," she explains.

"Did Dr. Black leave something out?" Ryan questions her, suddenly angered that he may have extended a branch to someone who kept something about Miguel from him.

"No, no," Gloria is quick to assure him. "Jeffrey explained all of the pre-op and operations that he did, what he didn't have time to go through was post-op care and the drugs that Miguel will have to take."

"Gloria, you know how me and Miguel feel about drugs, we can't take that risk."

"I know Ryan, and if it wasn't absolutely necessary I wouldn't advise it, but Ryan, do you want Miguel in constant pain for the next few weeks, because that's what we are talking about."

Closing his eyes and sighing, "You know I don't want that, but - "

"There's no but about it, and other than the Valium and Percocet which I will personally monitor, the other drugs are over the counter and should not pose a problem."

Ryan nods his head at Gloria to continue after the pregnant pause.

"Ryan, we have to discuss Miguel's after care. I know you've been through similar with Cyril's rape, but Miguel is a lot smaller than Cyril, and thus the damage to him was more far-reaching than that of Cyril's. For the most part Miguel is okay, at least as okay as he can be physically, but considering his past mental problems, I am going to insist that he goes into counselling after he is released."

"Okay."

"I'm also going to insist that you go to a few sessions yourself."

"I don't know about that Gloria."

"Ryan, yes, this happened to Miguel, but it happened to you too, and I want you to be equipped and informed on what Miguel is going through."

"Gloria, I went through this with Cyril, I know what to expect."

Shaking her head. "No you don't Ryan, yes Cyril was raped, and as much as you love him, Cyril is your brother, Miguel is your lover, and the feelings you have for the two of them are as different as night and day, and the way you will react to it and how Miguel will act with you is also very different. I feel you need to be able to explore the feelings I am sure you already have and will have when you have time to think, with someone. Sis. Pete is good and I really believe that she will be able to help you."

"Okay Gloria, whatever, what about Miguel?"

While not an agreement to attend counselling, it was not a flat out refusal, and Gloria takes comfort in that. Standing up and going over to her cabinet, Gloria rifles through it for a minute, smiles when she finds what she is looking for, and throwing down a few pamphlets in front of Ryan takes a seat.

"These are a few pamphlets on rape after care for partners of rape victims, what to expect emotionally and physically from your partner after the rape. I want you to read over it and any questions that you have, either medical or in relation to the pamphlets, you can talk to me about."

"About Miguel, Gloria."

"Ah yes," Gloria nods, "there are some things that you should be aware of with his after care."

Gloria spends the next hour explaining to Ryan what to expect medically when Miguel will be released in the next two weeks or so.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
In OZ Infirmary - one week later
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Walking to and fro in the infirmary, `This is it,' Ryan thinks to himself. `After a whole week apart, he's coming home.'

Ryan's mouth twists ironically as he realizes what he just thought, `Home' yeah, like this fuck-upped place could ever be home. But it is, it's home, because you are coming back to me, and I am home, just as you are my home.'

Pacing around and around in the infirmary Ryan could not believe his luck. He wants to close his eyes and shout `I'm the King of the World' like that kid DiCaprio did in that movie, but instead he just closes his eyes and sends a quick prayer of thanks to Gloria and McManus for arranging for him to be here and escort Miguel back to EmCity.

He knew it was against the rules and that lately many of the denizens of OZ were aware of the special treatment, he and a few others of the inmates were getting, but right know, he could care less. Right now all he was thankful for was the fact that in a few minutes he would hold his heart and soul and feel his breath against his.

`Oh God, just to hold you Miguel, I never thought it would be like this, this is worse than the withdrawal from `tits', I've got to hold you. To touch you. I know that Gloria said that you were alright, at least as good as could be expected and the fact that there was no sign of infection. But I have to see you myself, I have to look into your eyes to see if everything is okay.'

Smiling to himself, Ryan could not believe his luck, just this morning he had awoken with the hollowing thought that this was going to be another day without Miguel, and now this, this sudden reprieve, he still could not believe that it was only this morning that Murphy had came to him in his pod to give him the news.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Earlier that morning in EmCity
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Rolling over, Ryan threw his hands over his head to block out glaring lights and the sound of the loud buzzer that was a poor substitute for a wake up call. Twisting the scratchy government pillow into a contortionists nightmare and slamming it against his ears proved to be a futile barrier as the drone of the buzzer continued to go on and make it impossible for him to get back to sleep.

Throwing the pillow against the pod door and gleaning very little satisfaction as it made its limp way towards the murky gray floor. To lie in a slouched heap on its side by the pod door until it too recognized the total ineffectiveness of trying to remain upright.

Running his hand through his bed hair, he lets out a drawn out breath. Thumping his hands against the mattress. "Come on lazy bones, time to get up."

Ryan jumps down off the bunk, stretches a bit then goes to the sink to brush his teeth. It is in the middle of brushing that he realizes that Miguel has yet to move. Turning around with a smile on his features to face the lower bunk, he starts to chastise his lover.

"Migue-"

Looking at the empty bunk and the neat bed, it all comes rushing back to him. The rape, the hurt, the looks and most of all, the absence of Miguel.

`You stupid fuck, Miguel's not here, he's down in the infirmary where that Nazi fuck put him.'

Suddenly the pod becomes stifling, the smile disappears and instead of anger all he can feel is regret and a sorrow so deep, it spreads until it encompasses his soul.

`Another day, another day without Miguel. Another day with Keller giving me sympathetic looks, with Beecher looking at me with glassy eyes, with Rebadow, Busmalis, Hill, fuck even Adebesi giving me soft pitying looks; and if I have to spend one more day with the taunts from the Aryans and Schillinger I swear to the Virgin Mary I'll kill someone, and fuck anyone that sees me do it.'

Ryan slowly dresses in a white wife beater and a pair of khaki slacks. He sits on Miguel's bunk to tie his laces when the `whoosh' of the door being opened makes him lift his eyes at the intruder. Since it is early morning Ryan knows that the only person that could be entering is a hack, and continues to tie his laces knowing the only hack that would enter is Murphy.

"How are you doing Ryan?"

The fact that Murphy uses his first name isn't what gets Ryan to look up at him. It's the question itself. While everyone else seemed to want to know at every minute how he was feeling, Murphy was one of the few that never asked, that treated him like everything was the same and nothing had changed, and he was grateful for it. Now it seemed as though Murphy himself got bit with the bug, Ryan takes a deep breath, `I so don't need anymore pity right now.'

"Fine." He answers in a dead monotone.

"No Ryan, how are you *really* doing?" Murphy persists.

"Great, and I would even be doing better if everyone would stop asking me that." He snaps.

Looking at the prisoner who has still yet to look at him. "I have a message from Dr. Glenn."

Ryan is glad that his head is still hung down as his heart stops. He could hear everything, the hacks shouting at the prisoners, the opening and closing of many doors as the prisoners all go off to do their daily activities. The shouts as prisoners make rendezvous with each other to meet in the gym, the sounds of hundreds of footsteps moving out of tune with each other.

He can hear the hum of the vents; even as he listens closely, he can hear the sound to the computer keys as a hack strikes into it. And all of this is suddenly drowned out by the sound of the scream that is ricocheting in his ears.

It's deafening and he brings up his hands to cover his ears and block the sound out.

"Ryan, did you hear me?" Murphy asks the prisoner when he gets no response."

Ryan looks at Murphy with dead eyes, and even though his throat is dry, and the screaming in his head won't stop, Ryan needs to know, he needs to know how much longer Miguel has and how much he suffered or whether Miguel's suffering has ended.

`It's so funny' Ryan thinks to himself, `who would have thought that today was going to be the last day of his and that fuck Schillinger's life. Oh he knew that if Miguel was dead already that he was going to follow soon after; because, without Miguel, he had nothing more, he was an empty shell, his body was just life support to an empty carcass.

`It really is a shame; I won't have the pleasure of watching Schillinger die inch by inch each day. Surrounded by fear as his allies drop one by one like dead flies. *Beelzebub* he thinks to himself, `that's who I wanted to model Schillinger after. Ah well, death by days or minutes, it makes no difference now. If Miguel is dead, then Schillinger's going to follow, I don't care if I have to sell my soul to the devil to make it come true.'

"How did it happen?"

The man was quiet for so long that Murphy is startled by the sound of his voice.

"How did it happen?" Ryan repeats himself.

Puzzled frown marring his face, "How did what happen?"

Murphy is confused, here he was trying to tell Ryan that Miguel was going to be released and that he had permission to escort him back to EmCity and the man was looking like he experiencing the end of the world.

Murphy didn't expect a whoop of laughter or a hand being pumped relentlessly in thanks, but he did expect more than this dead silence.

"Ryan, Ryan, did you understand what I said about Miguel?"

Standing up, Ryan turns around until he is facing his bunk. Stretching out his hands and running them over the bunk again and again as though he is hoping to absorb some of its calmness, Ryan fights the sudden urge to cry and scream at the heavens.

Murphy is worried now, cautiously he steps towards Ryan, and he approaches him the way one would a wild rabid animal. "Ryan, come on, Miguel is waiting for you."

Turning the prisoner around slowly, "Ryan, do you understand me? Come on, Miguel's waiting."

From the cloudy fog all Ryan hears is `Miguel's' waiting.' `I know' he wants to tell Murphy, `I know he's waiting for me, but I have to deal with Schillinger first. I know Keller will take care of it either way, but I have to do it before I leave.'

"Ryan," Murphy snaps, and he is grateful when Ryan finally looks at him with clear eyes. "I said that Miguel is waiting for you, he's being released today."

Ryan looks at Murphy as though hearing him for the first time. `Released today, released today, if he's being released then he's okay.'

A feeling of intense euphoria surrounds Ryan. All thoughts of Schillinger's demise and his intended trailing of Miguel to another realm are put on hold.

`Miguel is getting released soon, he-' another thing catches his attention, `wait a minute, Miguel is waiting for me, that means' - Ryan smiles at the CO, `that means *I* get to go for him'.

Murphy lets out the breath he was not aware that he was holding. `Sheesh, for a minute there I thought he was about to go catatonic.'

"Come on Ryan, we should leave, you have to wait in the infirmary while he is getting released from the new wing, but I don't think you'll mind."

At the `duh' look that the Irishman gives him, Murphy smiles to himself leading the still silent, but at least smiling Irishman out of the pod.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Keller looks up at Ryan and Miguel's' pod. He was on his way to breakfast when he noticed Murphy entering.

`Oh God, please let nothing be wrong with Miguel', Keller prays. But which deity listens to the likes of them. The criminals that live on the edge of society that are such a danger to others that they are locked up like animals with their own kind where the law of the land is `only the strong survive.'

Feeling the whoosh of the pod door opening then a hand lying on his shoulder. "What's going on up there?" Beecher asks.

Shaking his head, "I don't know, Murphy just went in and Ryan isn't looking too well."

Beecher nods in agreement as they see Murphy talking to a sitting Ryan who still has his head bowed.

"You think it has anything to do with M-Miguel?"

Keller rubs a thumb soothingly over the hand on his shoulder when he hears the hitch in Toby's voice. "Nah, if it was, Murphy wouldn't have gone in alone."

Still looking at the pod in question and then giving Keller a sideways glance. "What, you think that Ryan would attack him?" Toby asks incredulously.

Without taking his eyes off the pod, Keller tenses a bit when Ryan stands up and turns around to face the bunks.

"Nah, I don't think he'd intentionally do anything, but think about it Toby, what do you think *I* would do if Murphy came to give me bad news and I knew *you* were in the infirmary?"

Knowing without a doubt what Keller would do Toby once again looks back at the pod. After a while the door opens and reveals a smiling Murphy and a trying so hard not to smile O'Reilly.

"I guess Miguel's' coming out." He hears from his right.

Toby turns to his side and notices that Busmalis and Rebadow are looking at Ryan and Murphy.

"Yeah I guess so." He replies.

"So it begins."

"Why do you say that?" Toby asks Rebadow.

Rebadow takes a long look at Chris and then at Ryan and gives Toby a `why do you think' look.

Although Toby does not want to admit it, he knows that it is true. Now that Miguel was coming back, the rest of OZ would be watching to see what happens. Everyone knew that Ryan was possessive of what was his, and the fact that Schillinger did this to his brother and his lover. They knew for a fact that the Irishman would not let this go, he couldn't let this go.

And Toby was scared. He was scared because he knew that it would not matter how much he begged, that Chris would get involved. And while he understood and he wanted justice for Miguel also, he didn't want to have to go back to the days of having to be watchful of every shadow that crossed his path.

Not that in OZ one could get lax, but the past few months with the lessened threat to him and everyone he cared about had spoiled him. Now he knew that he was going to have to go back to the days of having his every step reported back to Keller or Said or even Morales and Pancamo. He wouldn't be able to take a shit without someone reporting it back to someone.

Patting Toby on the back, "I know what you're thinking Toby, but you had to know that this was coming."

Toby absentmindedly nods at Rebadow. He knew it was coming. But that did not mean that he would have to like it.

"Why do you persist on wearing that stupid hat?"

"It's not stupid, you're just jealous."

"At least fix the childish implement better than that, you're a grown man for God's sake."

"I like it this way, it makes me look cool, doncha think?"

"No, it makes you look stupid, act your age *old* man -"

The rest of the argument is drowned out as the arguing duo move further out of range.

"I don't want you walking to Sister Pete's alone, let Flannigan take you."

Toby turns around to face Chris ready to argue. "I'm a grown man Chris, I can find my way to Sister Pete's all on my own."

"I know that, it's just-" noticing the rapidly approaching Irishman, Chris signals for him to stop where he is. "Just do this for me, please Toby."

Glaring at Chris, Toby says nothing and makes his way out of EmCity. Not saying anything to Flannigan when he passes him, Toby continues on as though he is unaware of the fact that he is being escorted to work like some helpless neophyte or much beloved prag.

"So it begins," he mutters to himself.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Back to the Infirmary where Gloria is escorting a subdued Alvarez

At the sound of doors opening, Ryan turns around with a smile. With patience he is not aware of possessing, he barely manages to stay in place without running across the room to scoop Miguel up in his arms.

`Something's wrong.' A voice in his head chimes.

`Shut up,' he silently tells the voice.

`Something's wrong.' The voice continues.

`Nothing's wrong, you need to shut the fuck up and stop being so pessimistic.'

`Say what you want to say, but I say that something's wrong with Miguel,' the voice replies.

A quick tightening in his chest has Ryan abandoning his internal debate and takes a hard look at Miguel. Letting out a sigh of relief as he notices that nothing looks that different or strange. `He looks a little tired that's all'. He tries to convince himself.

`Keep telling yourself that,' the voice returns, `and maybe it'll actually be true.'

`I'm not listening to you.'

`For fucks sake Ryan, look at him.'

Ryan examines Miguel again, able to see him clearer since Miguel and Gloria are almost near him.

`Ryan, does Miguel look alright to you?" the voice asks.

`He's not limping or favouring anything, he's okay dammit!'

"For the love - Ryan, really look at him, tell me what's wrong.'

"Stupid fucker," Ryan exclaims under his breath, "having an argument with yourself, shit and I thought Beecher and Miguel had the license on this."

As Gloria and Miguel stop directly in front of him, Ryan is too busy checking Miguel to notice the hesitant smile that Gloria is giving him that does not meet her eyes.

`It's his eyes,' the voice replies.

Not wanting to turn back to his internal debate, Ryan absentmindedly asks, `his eyes what?'

`Take a good look at his eyes Ryan,' the voice implores.

`I am looking at his eyes.'

`Look harder.'

Cursing himself seven times from Sunday, Ryan stares into Miguel's eyes. He is so startled that he cannot stop the involuntary moan that escapes.

"Ryan, are you okay?" Gloria asks as she moves forward when Ryan moved a step back.

`Deal with it later, deal with it later,' he tells himself.

"Ryan, Ryan, Ryan."

At the third call, Ryan's eyes snap to hers.

"I'm okay," turning towards Miguel, " ?cómo es usted mi amor?"(1)

Miguel silently looks at him, after a long pause. "I'm okay."

Ryan goes to say more but Gloria grabs his attention by turning him towards her. He is more than annoyed at her and with a frown on his face goes to tell her exactly that.

"Ryan, about Miguel's aftercare."

Annoyance quickly vanishes as worry takes precedence.

"He's okay, isn't he?" Ryan asks her, as he quickly looks Miguel over again to see if maybe he missed something and he was hurt more than he thought.

Shaking her head and trying to diffuse the panic that she sees building in his eyes. "No, no, Miguel is alright, it's just that there are some things that I felt you should know."

Frowning at her, "What?"

Taking a look at Miguel and getting his nod to continue. "Ryan, there are certain things that I felt that you should be aware of, I talked them over with Miguel and he gave me permission to let you know of a few of the symptoms for you to watch out for and what will be going on with his body for the next week or so."

Taking a quick glance at Miguel again to assure himself that his lover was all right and barely resisting the urge to just tell Gloria to `fuck off' and bury his face in his lovers neck, take him in his arms and never let go.

"Ryan, there are few things that I want you to look out for, so far there have been no complications, but that could be due to that fact that Miguel was kept in a sanitized environment and had 24 hour medical attention available."

Taking a hold of Ryan's hand and steering him towards her office.

She points to the two chairs in front of her desk, "Ryan, I would like for you to have a seat."

Staring confusingly at Gloria, Ryan absentmindedly does as she requests.

"I have seen fit to give Miguel three different types of pain medication to deal with the rectal pain that he is still experiencing. While at this point some patients are not usually still experiencing pain, Dr. Black checked it out and everything is healing just fine."

"What do you mean pain?" Ryan remembers back to Cyril, Cyril was not experiencing any type of discomfort after about one and a half weeks, by the second week he was physically okay.

"As Dr. Black explained, there were quite a number of fissures, and while they are healing properly some of them were a bit deeper than others due to the lack of lubrica-"

At the hitched breath, Ryan quickly turns around and goes to gather Miguel into his arms. He is confused and hurt when Miguel backs away from him.

"Miguel."

If at all possible, Miguel moves further into the chair without actually having to move.

Hesitating slightly, Ryan gets up and kneels in front of Miguel.

"What's wrong?" he asks, as he slowly strokes the knee in front of him.

"Look at me Miguel."

The Latino squeezes his eyes shut and turns his head away.

"Mireme Miguel. ?Qué'la injusticia de s?" (2)

Ryan reaches out and turns Miguel's head until it is facing him. "Come on baby," he starts to stroke his cheek, "tell me what the problem is."

`I can't do this,' Miguel silently tells himself, `how can he bear to look at me?'

Casting a worried glance at Gloria, who is so silent and has quiet tears rolling down her cheeks. Ryan looks at her in frustration.

`Fuck, something's wrong, O'Reilly, something's really wrong,' the silent voice returns.

"Miguel, why don't you step outside for a minute I need to talk to Ryan."

The sound of Gloria's voice is so harsh in the still room. Miguel takes a look at Gloria and a silent message is passed between them, one that Ryan really wants to know, but Gloria seems to understand.

Miguel takes one final look at Ryan and his heart bleeds, he opens his mouth as though to say something, but no sound comes out. Taking another helpless look at Gloria he leaves the office and proceeds to the nearest bed where he crawls in and balls into himself.

Trying to make it pass the dry lump in his throat Ryan takes a helpless look at his lover that is now lying in the fetal position and turns to face Gloria.

"What's wrong with him? He asks.

Pointing back to the chair he vacated. "Ryan, sit down for a minute."

Sensing that the Irishman is about to object. "Please."

Closing his eyes for a minute and swallowing audibly. "Come on Gloria, don't bullshit me, what's wrong with him? why does he look - why is he so -" running his hands through his hair until it stands up, he looks at Gloria with the question he cannot form the words to say.

"Scared, frightened, different, vulnerable," Gloria supplies.

"Yes,"

"Which one?" Gloria asks.

Sighing, "All of them, he looks like he's dead inside, like he's hiding."

"That's because he is, Ryan, you need to understand, when something like, what happened to Miguel, happens to someone they feel powerless and helpless and scared - " Gloria stops suddenly as memories come rushing back from her attack.

She can feel the solid concrete and the sour breath on her face. The hard body holding her down, she even can taste the cold metallic flavour of the knife in her mouth.

Suddenly she is transported back, she remembers telling herself over and over again that this cannot be happening to her, not her, she works in one of the most dangerous places in the country much less the state, she can call a few of those dangerous `friends' and here she is, about to be violated a few feet away from the comfort of her home.

Gloria's body lurches as though an invisible force slammed into her. She can feel the relentless thrusts of the intruder, ramming into her- `No Gloria,' she tells herself, `not here, not now.'

Fiddling with papers on her desk until she gets herself under control. `This is about Miguel,' she reminds herself, `don't do this now, Miguel needs you, Ryan needs you, you have to be strong for them.'

"Are you okay?" Ryan asks her after she has been quiet for a while.

Squaring her shoulders, "Yes, sorry about that, as I was saying, you need to understand, when something like what happened to Miguel, happens to someone they feel powerless and helpless and scared, but that is something that you will have to talk over with Sister Pete. I have scheduled your first appointment for the day after tomorrow, I thought I would give Miguel time to adjust to being out of the ward and scheduled his for the day after yours."

"Gloria I told you, I'm not so sure about that, I have nothing against Sister Pete, but I'm not into all that touchy feely, bare your soul, I had a bad childhood crap," slouching back, "that just isn't me."

"It's not all about you Ryan, it's about Miguel too."

"I get that, but I don't see why *I* have to go to Sister Pete also, it's not worth the time and effort, there's nothing wrong with me."

Deliberately baiting him she raises a brow, "What, Miguel isn't worth it? You can't spend a few hours even though it will help Miguel?"

A steel gaze locks onto her, "Only because it's you, and don't do it again," Ryan tells her, no one questions his commitment to Miguel, the look he gives her lets her know that she is skating on thin ice for even suggesting it.

"Miguel is worth everything, there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do for him."

Shaking her head and smiling, "Good, then I'll tell Sister Pete to be expecting you," smiling at Ryan to let him know there were no hard feelings.

Staring out the window at the Latino still curled up on his side in the bed and still not facing them. "There are a few things that I want you to look out for, if it was up to me, I'd keep Miguel in for another week."

At the hitched breath she goes to quickly assure Ryan, "Not that there is anything wrong, physically he's fine, he seems to be healing well, there doesn't seem to be any sign of infection and emotionally Sister Pete will help you and him through."

Ryan looks confused, "Then why the need to talk to me and why don't you want to let him go?"

"There are a few things that I want you to look out for, just because Miguel didn't show any signs of infection in here," pointing to ward that they had just returned from, "doesn't mean he is safe from the threat, the ward was a sterilized climate, he's going back out to OZ where the chances of his injuries becoming infected are great."

"The wounds are almost healed, that's good, so the chances of infection are low, but still possible, other than an infection there are a few other things I want you to be aware of."

"Like what?"

"Well first off, Miguel is on a series of three different type of pain medications"

Standing up so quickly that his chair hits the ground with a loud crash Ryan starts to pace. He is unaware that even the loud crash did not make the silent man lying a few feet away from them so much as twitch nor the fact that Gloria had to halt an approaching hack with a smile letting him know that everything was okay.

"Gloria, you know how we feel about drugs, shit, he could become dependent again."

Walking around her desk until she is directly in front of him, she puts a hand on his arm to stop him from moving and guides him until she can lean against the desk.

"I know that Ryan, that's why the most addictive of the pain medication, I am keeping with me and he can only get it if he comes in here for it. I will leave a message on his chart if he needs it and if I'm not here, how much of the dosage to administer to him at the time. I'm sorry Ryan, that is the best I can do."

Letting out a pent up breath, "Okay, I get it. What else?"

Taking a glance at Miguel then back to Ryan, "As I was saying, I have Miguel on three different types of pain medication, the first is Acetaminophen or commonly known as Tylenol ®, this is for mild pain, I have about a week's dosage available for him to take back to EmCity. For moderate pain I want him to take Tylenol® with Codeine-

"Wait, isn't that a narcotic?

Smiling at Ryan ruefully, "Yes, it is considered a mild narcotic-"

Shaking his head, "Then Miguel can't take it, I'm sorry Gloria, prescription medication is bad enough, he can't take the risk with a narcotic, and do you know what will happen if it gets out - and it *will* somehow get out that Miguel has narcotics in his bunk."

"I will speak to the guards and have a notice that Miguel -"

"It's not the guards I am worried about, it's the prisoners, Miguel wouldn't be safe, if it is known that he can get in a drug and the hacks can't touch him for it, he'll be a target for every druggie and dope dealer in the place."

`Except for you' she thinks.

`Except for me' Ryan says to himself, but to be honest he could see how he would manipulate the situation if it were anyone other than Miguel, so he can't allow that to happen.

"Okay Ryan, I didn't think of it that way, on second thought there is another medication I can give him to use in conjunction with the Tylenol® in case he experiences moderate pain but at times he may have trouble administering it to himself."

"What?"

"It's a cream, Xylocaine® jelly. It has to be administered to the point of the origin of the pain."

Gloria gives him a little while to figure out exactly what this would entail. By the light blush that covers his face, she figures out that he has reached the correct conclusion.

Smirking at the man that would proposition the Mother Theresa without batting an eye, she enjoys his discomfort for a while before continuing.

"If the pain is so severe that the Tylenol® and the Xylocaine® aren't working effectively, every guard on duty has been given a memo to bring Miguel to the infirmary immediately where either I or the doctor on duty will administer the Percocet® to him.

"This Percocet®, it's not -"

"No Ryan, it isn't, but it is a very strong medication and there is possibility of abuse so that's why Miguel will only have access to it under medical supervision, that and the state will not allow for any prisoner, no matter the circumstances to have this drug in possession outside medical facilities. It is a prescription medication and should be treated as such."

Looking over at Miguel who has yet to move. "So that's it?"

"No," giving Ryan a small box of gauze pads. "There was very little bleeding and drainage, but until he is checked over by Dr. Black in about 5 days I would like for Miguel to wear these in his clothes."

"What the fu-"

"Ryan, it's necessary -"

"No way in hell," he tells Gloria, resting the box on the desk. "Miguel isn't wearing those."

Looking pointedly at Ryan, all smiles disappearing from her face. "It's either these or feminine hygiene products." She ignores the outraged look on Ryan's face.

"Until he is checked out by Dr. Black and given the okay, there is still a chance for a little drainage because the muscles haven't completely healed, and I would think the little embarrassment that you and he may experience knowing he is wearing them would pale in comparison if he was in the cafeteria and he had an accident in the front of all of the other inmates."

Putting it that way, Ryan had to agree. Taking another glance at Miguel who still hasn't moved, then at Gloria who looks pointedly at the box, with an apologetic smile he takes the box and tablets and moves towards the door.

"One more thing Ryan,"

Ryan turns to look at her, wondering what else he could have missed.

"Miguel is scheduled to take a Sitz bath, if needed twice a day in the infirmary. This will help with the comfort control. Once in the morning and once before dinner if necessary, here are some Perdieum®," she hands him another box of tablets, "They are for constipation, Miguel should be on them for the next few days or so."

Ryan retrieves the tablets and goes to leave.

"And Ryan-" she waits for him to look at her.

"Everything looks bad right now, but it's going to get better, I should know."

Wanting to reach over and hug her for her help and tell her how much he appreciates everything that she had done and still was doing for Miguel and him he instead smiles with a wicked glint in his eyes. "I know."

Turning without looking at her, he walks towards the bed that contains his still lover.

"Miguel, come on, time to go home."

Miguel turns around at the sound of his voice and the look in those chocolate brown eyes are almost his undoing. Without a word, the Latino rolls out the bed away from Ryan and starts to walk towards the hack that was to escort him and Ryan back to EmCity.

"How you doing Alvarez?" Murphy asks Miguel, when he and Ryan reach him. Murphy is momentarily taken back by the bleak look and the silence that permeates the air around the usually so full of life Latino. Giving Ryan a sympathetic look he moves onward to EmCity.

`This is not good, not good at all.' Murphy thinks to himself.

`Ah Senor, por favor lo ayuda y mí.'(3) Miguel thinks to himself.

`I have Miguel back,' is all Ryan can think to himself.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

1- 'how are you my love?"
2- `Look at me Miguel. What's wrong?'
3- `Oh Lord, please help him and me.'