On the Outside: Parallel Lines Converge

Disclaimer: See Part 1

Rating: PG

Notes: Ok...so it's still angsty...and they're still doing an awful lot of thinking...but the boys told me they needed more time to sort some things out, so I went along...didn't want to piss them off, they might never get to the lovin' then... Hope you all enjoy.

And thanks to my wondeful beta, brainstormer and all around goddess, Caly. (I forgot to mention her in the notes for the last couple parts and I'm really, really sorry about that, please forgive me darlin')

On the Outside 4: Parallel Lines Converge
by Jacki

The sun was just peeking out from the horizon as Chris slowed to turn onto the narrow road that led into Gilbert Lake State Park. He hadn't been up here in years, but his memory had served him well and he had made it in just about four hours. Chris knew he had some work ahead of him, although the park had a caretaker that made sure all the utilities were at the ready, he was still going to have to clean the place. It was perfect though, something to occupy him physically that didn't require much thought, leaving his mind open to concentrate on his potential relationship with Toby.

Chris turned his restored Mustang down the tight path that led to the family cabin. He passed a few deserted cabins, it was as if there was no one around for miles; being here was like being in another world. Chris traveled carefully along the winding road; rounding a turn he noticed a vehicle sitting in front of one of the cabins a few doors down from his own.

`Hmmm...guess somebody else was looking to get away too.'

Chris turned his attention back to the road as he drove on, spying the front of his cabin just a few hundred yards down the road.

***

Toby was standing in the small kitchen trying to ignite the pilot light on the gas stove when he heard the rumble of a car's engine somewhere close by. He stopped in his task for just a moment, taking the few steps to the front window. Toby couldn't really make out anything about the car that had just passed, all he saw were the taillights as the car continued further down the dirt track toward the lake. He walked out onto the porch, pulling his robe tighter around his torso to stave off the chill air. Toby padded to the corner of the tiny deck, trying to see the car more clearly.

`Guess I have some company,' he thought. He knew that the chance of running into the other guest was slim, the park was huge and Toby wasn't about to venture much further than the basic perimeter around the cabin; he had no intention of getting lost in the woods.

Toby wrapped his arms around himself and looked out, the trees were mostly bare, the leaves having fallen a month ago. The ground was cluttered with the remnants, carpeting the earth in multiple hues. Toby just stood there for a few minutes, soaking in the tranquillity of his surroundings. He had finally begun to feel comfortable in his own skin. Time passed and eventually Toby turned back into the house, determined to get that pilot light lit so he could cook himself a light breakfast.

***

Chris stopped in front of the small oak cabin; he was surprised to find that it looked exactly the same as it had when he was a child. He grabbed his bag and walked up the wooden stairs to the front door, he used the key he had picked up from the caretaker to open the door. Stepping inside, the damp, musty air assailed him; he dropped the duffel near the door and walked over to the fireplace, assuring it would be in working condition. Satisfied, he opened the tiny closet door and pulled an axe from the wall. Chris was still running on the adrenaline from the drive up and he couldn't wait to get the cabin into livable conditions.

Chris trudged back out into the crisp late fall air, he went around to the back of the cabin and picked up one of the logs that had been piled there. Gripping the handle of the axe with his strong hands, Chris began to chop the wood into useable kindling. He planned to start a fire; Chris hoped the warmth combined with the aromatic scent of the hickory would help to dissipate the stale air that had settled inside the long closed rooms.

Chris spent the next hour amassing a pile of wood, once he had completed his task he stacked some of the logs and carried them into the house. Chris arranged the wood in the hearth and struck a match, the bitter sulfur permeating the air. The fire lit, Chris set about getting the rest of the cabin in order; he removed the plastic that covered the furniture, sweeping the floor and making sure that all of the appliances were in working order.

Chris finished late in the afternoon, the sunlight that slanted through the small window leaving a narrow shadow of the frame on the hardwood floor. Chris stowed his bag in the small bedroom and moved back toward the couch. He sat down, propping his feet up on the soft cushions as he relaxed against the arm of the sofa. Chris rested his head on one of the less-than-fluffy throw pillows and closed his eyes. He drifted off into a peaceful sleep, the first since the night he had thrown Toby out of the apartment.

***

Toby had finished his breakfast and had dressed in a worn pair of jeans, an old NYU sweatshirt, pulled on a pair of boots and had set off for the late morning walk that had become ritual in the past two days. Toby used this time, when the only sounds surrounding him were the soft chirping of birds and the wind rustling through the barren trees, to review all of the things he had overlooked before. He had never really noticed before just how homophobic most of the people he held dear in his life really were. Toby could remember numerous comments that he had just blown off at the time, from his parents or his friends, disparaging homosexuality. However, he couldn't allow himself to ignore those things anymore, not after what had happened between himself and Chris.

Toby meandered along the dusty trail that had become familiar to him; he still wasn't sure whether he was ready to wander further from the cabin, this physical uncertainty reflected in his mental insecurities. He knew he was going to have to call his parents and tell them he wasn't coming home for Thanksgiving; having put off the phone call for the past two days he decided to get it over with now before he changed his mind.

Toby walked back towards his cabin, he stopped next to his car and got in, if he needed a phone he was going to have to go down to the caretaker's cottage. He knew no one in his family would understand how he could be happy staying at the simple cabin alone; there were no amenities, no bellhops or concierges, no room service. Toby found that comforting; he was finally beginning to feel like his own man, one who could take care of himself.

Toby pulled up in front of the cottage, he got out of the car and shut the door silently not wanting to disrupt the stillness. He walked up to the door and knocked, moments later the small, frail man who ran the park came to the door and invited him inside.

"I trust you're enjoying your stay, young man."

"Oh, it's beautiful up here. It won't be a problem if I stay through the week, will it?"

The old man grinned, "No problem at all, son. This isn't exactly one of our busiest times of the year, in fact there's only one other guest on the property."

"Oh, yeah, I think I saw the car drive by this morning."

"Yes, yes, you probably did." The old man smiled as he asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you, young man?"

"Actually, I was hoping to use the phone."

"Ah," he said waving toward Toby, beckoning him to follow as he shuffled across the floor toward a tiny office space. "Right there ya go," he said, gesturing toward the ancient rotary phone that sat perched on the scarred desktop.

"Thanks," Toby replied as he picked up the receiver, watching as the man ambled back towards his small black and white television set. Dialing a "0", Toby waited for the operator's voice. He gave the phone number and calling card information to the bored sounding woman who answered his call. He listened as the phone started ringing on the other end.

"Hello, Beecher residence," his father picked up the phone. Harrison Beecher had always insisted on this greeting when answering the phone in the house, he thought it only appropriate for a respected lawyer to sound professional no matter where or when.

"Hey, Dad," Toby replied.

"Tobias? Is that you? You're mother's has been wondering when you were going to call."

"Sorry, I've been really busy. In fact that why I was calling, I'm not going to be able to make it home for Thanksgiving."

"What? You know Angus, Mother and I were all looking forward to seeing you."

"I know, Dad. I was looking forward to it too, but there's this project that I have to work on over the holiday, it's due as soon as break is over and I really want to make sure I have time to get through all the research."

"Ah, I see, well that I can understand. I'm glad to know you're still taking your studies seriously and not slacking off on your school work just because it's your last year." Harrison answered.

"Thanks, Dad. Tell Mother and Angus, I'm sorry and to have a Happy Thanksgiving."

"I will. And, Tobias, don't work all through the holiday, make sure you give yourself a little break every once in awhile."

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. Send everyone my love."

"All right, son. Call us later on if you have the chance. Goodbye."

"Ok, bye Dad." The connection was broken and Toby replaced the receiver on the cradle.

He felt only slightly guilty about the lie, but he knew that he wasn't in any frame of mind to deal with his family. Toby still needed to figure out how whatever it was that had happened to him in
the past few weeks was going to affect his life in the long run.

***

Chris slept soundly throughout the evening; his body recovering from the insomnia that had been plaguing him for the past several weeks. He woke once around eight, padding into the kitchen and throwing together a quick sandwich from the groceries he had picked up before he got to the cabin.

Chris curled himself up on the couch, savoring the sweet smell of the wood that still burned in the fireplace. As he ate, his thoughts again drifted to Toby. He had to figure out how he was going to fix things if he was ever going to have a chance at the happiness that had so often eluded him. Chris tried and rejected a number of contrived strategies, not satisfied with any of his ideas.

The warmth of the fire began to lull him back to sleep; his eyelids drooping as he nodded off. Chris struggled to keep his eyes open but physiology was against him. Chris dropped his plate into the sink on his way to the bedroom. He crawled into the freshly made bed, wrapping himself in the warm blankets. Thoughts of how he could correct things between himself and Toby were going to have to wait; he would be refreshed in the morning, his mind clear and focused.

***

Toby had returned to the cabin, settling in the rocker that sat on the front porch. He rocked idly, the well-worn board beneath him squeaking slightly with the pressure. Toby had watched the sun set, the sky a canvas of reds and purples and oranges. Now the night sky was strewn with tiny specks of light, the stars visible for miles.

`God, can I really do this? Has everything in my life just been me trying to fool myself?'

Toby deliberated on his dilemma; he knew only one thing for certain, the feelings he had for Chris were real, although they seemed moot at this point considering the last time he had seen Chris he had been kicked out. However, that wasn't the most important issue, he understood that right now what he needed to decide before anything else was whether he was really willing to give up everything he had always known.

`How would I explain this to my parents and my friends? Would they understand how this happened anymore than I did? How would they react?' his mind questioned.

Toby realized that he didn't want to deny himself and the truth; if being a gay man was his truth, he didn't intend to pretend for the sake of anyone else. He knew that this decision would change his entire life; his parents would likely never want to speak to him again, he would be an embarrassment to the family. Toby recognized that this path wasn't going to be easy, but he was finally aware that he didn't need to please everyone, the only one that really mattered was himself.

Contemplating such a drastic change was tiring and Toby felt himself becoming drowsy. He stood from the old pine chair and stepped back into the warmth of the cabin. Toby draped his coat over the arm of the couch and walked toward the small bedroom. He stripped, sliding beneath the cool cotton sheets and pulled the blanket up for warmth. Toby closed his eyes, as he drifted into sleep he knew that he still didn't have all the answers but at least he had answered some of the questions that had been troubling him over the past few days.

***

The next morning, Chris woke with the sun streaming in the bedroom window; the light reached its fingers out, coaxing him into wakefulness. Leisurely, Chris stretched; he raised his arms above his head, working out the kinks that had settled in his back during sleep. He rolled onto his side, swinging his feet out of the soft folds of the comforter and planted them on the floor as he sat up.

He trudged to the bathroom and took a quick shower, impatient to start his day. He dressed warmly and pulled on his well-worn boots; he was going to spend the day hiking, hoping that the physical exertion would help stimulate his mind. One way or another, he had to figure out how to approach Toby. Chris's future depended on it; he would either get a second chance or he would have to deal with the idea that he had fucked up any chance he may have had of truly loving someone and being loved in return.

Chris made a pot of coffee and poured the steaming liquid into a large thermos; he loaded that, along with some water and a few fruit bars, into a backpack he had found in the back of one of the cabin's closets. Pulling the pack onto his back, Chris strode out onto the porch, locking the door behind him.

Chris started down the road, the carpet of leaves beneath his feet crunching with every step. He rounded a corner and veered off onto a narrow trail he remembered from his youth. The sun beat down through the trees bathing him in its heat, taking the edge off of the crisp autumn air.

Chris hiked along the rock strewn path, his footfalls echoing throughout the quiet forest surrounding him. He followed the winding course over hills and through dense copses of pine trees throughout the day, reveling in the beauty of nature. Chris kept his mind focused, however, on planning his way back into Toby's life.

Chris stopped when he reached the edge of the lake; he sat down on a large boulder and stared across the skyline. The cool breeze rippled the water as little shockwaves ran up onto the lakeshore and disappeared before they reached his feet. Chris leaned back onto his elbows, the sun hitting his face. He closed his eyes.

"I can do this," he whispered, though no one was there to hear his words.

Chris knew what he wanted and that was Toby, he was going to find him as soon as he went back to the city. Somehow, some way, Chris knew he could make this work. He would find Toby and he would explain and as long as Toby was willing to listen, Chris would be willing to lay all of his feelings, all of his fears out there for Toby to see. He never exposed himself like that to anyone, but he knew that with Toby it was the right thing to do.

Chris sat there until the sun began to set, imagining what it would be like when he finally was able to tell Toby everything. The warmth of the bright orb faded as it sunk below the horizon; Chris felt a shiver creep up his spine, the chilled air prompting him to stand up and start back towards the cabin.

***

Toby woke around noon on Wednesday, his body obviously in need of the rest. He slowly crept from under the warm blankets, inching his way into the cool air that had settled inside the cabin overnight. He slipped his feet into a comfortable pair of moccasins and grabbed his robe from the chair beside the bed. Toby padded into the living room and turned on the small heater that stood near the back wall, the warmth radiating throughout the room.

Toby moved slowly toward the bathroom, reluctant to leave the warmth of the other room. He took a hot shower, dressing quickly when he stepped out into the chilled air. Grabbing his boots, he went back into the living room. Toby sat down on the couch and tugged the boots over his thick socks; he planned to go out walking again, this time he was going to venture a little further than before. After his realizations the night before, he was determined to start taking some chances, tiptoeing out of his comfort zone.

Toby walked out into the small yard in front of the cabin. He decided to follow the path he had become familiar with in the past days, he knew that a few hundred yards along there was a trail that he had never tried. Toby walked along, his feet leaving shallow footprints in the soft dirt of the roadway. When he found the entrance to the path, he turned off and started along the irregular terrain. He concentrated on his surroundings; Toby wanted to be sure that he would be able to find his way back to the cabin.

After an hour of traversing the rocky path he found a small clearing; trees circled the area, cutting it off from the rest of the world. Toby lowered himself to the ground, leaning against the roughness of a large tree trunk. His thoughts immediately drifted back to Chris.

Again he relived that night, suddenly remembering something he must have blocked out before. The words he had whispered against Chris's neck as he laid pressed to Chris's well-built frame. ~ I think I love you ~

`Oh my God, now it makes sense. It was my fault he had pushed me away. Those words would have scared the shit out of me too. Jesus, how could I have been so stupid to say that aloud?'

Toby knew that this sudden revelation changed everything; it wasn't Chris he should be blaming, it was himself. He dropped his head into his hands and closed his eyes. Maybe there was a way he could fix things with Chris, maybe he could explain; he could make sure that Chris knew that he didn't want to pressure him, he wasn't going to push him into anything he might not be ready for, he wasn't going to ask for anything except for another chance.

Toby sat there as the sun began to dip in the sky. He looked around having not realized that it had gotten so late, his mind preoccupied with thoughts of Chris. He had scripted in his mind what he would say, as soon as he returned to the city he would once again visit Chris's apartment. He had the rest of the week to perfect his apology. Toby pulled himself up from the hard ground; he brushed off his jeans and stretched his atrophied limbs to get the blood flowing. Toby turned and started back toward the cabin.

Toby followed the trail as he remembered it, however everything looked different in the waning light. He stumbled upon a fork in the path and couldn't recall which way he had come; he'd never been especially good with directions.

"Damn," he mumbled, not sure which way to turn. He made his decision and veered off to the left, at least the vegetation looked kind of familiar; but then he was in the middle of a forest, it all pretty much looked the same. He prayed he had picked the right path, if not he would end up wandering around in the frigid night air for who knew how long. Toby continued down the dusty path, alert for any sound that seemed suspicious, he had no idea what kinds of animals might be
living in the dense foliage around him.

Up ahead he heard the crunch of leaves; cautiously he kept moving forward trying not to attract any attention to himself. The clouds that had been covering the iridescent moon shifted and the path ahead of him was bathed in moonlight. Toby saw the creature that had caused the noise; it was another man.

The shape of the man's body seemed almost familiar and Toby watched as the figure turned to face him. Obviously, he hadn't been as quiet as he thought. The moonlight shone upon them both and as they faced each other a flash of recognition registered on both of their faces.

Both men spoke at once.

"Toby?"

"Chris?"

END