TITLE: THREE LITTLE WORDS 10: DETACH WITH LOVE

AUTHOR: PEJA

FANDOM: the Sentinel

PAIRING: Jim/Rafe Jim/Blair

RATING: R

SUMMARY:

Disclaimers: Not mine, but they like to come and play in my back yard

Archive: To The WWOMB. Others on request, provided all headers are kept intact, and the entire series, found on the WWOMB, is housed together.

URL: https://www.squidge.org/~peja/

Feedback: The series only survives as long as there is a call for more. Any ideas on direction are gratefully considered.

Email: daltonavon@yahoo.com

By PEJA
********

"Blair." Rafe gave the younger man's shoulder a shake. "Blair, come on, lets get BJ back to his bed and us to ours."

Blair lifted his face, smiling through his tears. "I really blew it, Rafe. Really, really blew it."

"Its nothing that can't be fixed, kid." Rafe said, lifting the babe carefully from Blair's arms. "Not if you want it bad enough." He laid the boy in the bassinet and snapped on the white noise generator again, closing the black curtain over the tiny sleeping body.

He turned back, sighing at the sight of the downcast man before him. "Dammit, Blair. Its not so bad. Jim did a lot of checking into your activities since you popped back up in the picture. He knows everything. Everything, do you hear me? And it doesn't make one damn bit of difference. He wouldn't have brought you here if he didn't have every intention of making it work. Not here."

Shaking his head, Blair spoke softly, talking more to himself than anything. "This is how it always is, ya know? Since I can remember. Since forever. I‘ve always known I couldn‘t have the things, the people, I wanted the most." He laughed short and bitter. "You want to know what I know about my dad? Hm?"

"Blair..."

"I did ask Naomi about him....my dad. Once. Do you know what she said?" He arched a brow at Rafe. "She told me that the family didn't approve of him. That he was gone. And I wasn't supposed to ask about him again. Not ever."

"Gone?"

"Yeah, Just gone."

"Someone.... scared him off?"

"Scared him off, or...." Blair shrugged. "Mom used to wear this locket all the time after he left. She clutched that damn thing in a death-grip while she was talking to me about him that night, like if she were to let go she'd lose the most important thing in her life." He laughed bitterly. "For the longest time, I spent hours imagining that locket had his picture in it. That she was like she was...flitting from one empty relationship to another like a butterfly because she wouldn't let anyone else close to her. Because she couldn't bear to give up the love they had." He swallowed hard, shaking his head. "Then one day she just stopped wearing it. Maybe she threw it away, I don't know. Kids have some fool ideas, ya know?"

"I'm sure she loved him, Blair."

Blair shook is head. "I never forgot what she said to me that night. Not once....Until I crossed paths with....." Blair's teeth cut the words off dead. He sucked in a breath and let it go slowly. "Don't put down roots, Blair, she said. Never get too close, Blair. Don't let anyone touch you too deeply. Stay with someone awhile, enjoy the moment, and when the time comes, detach with love, Blair." His soft, wry chuckle whispered in the night. "I learned that lesson real well, didn't I? But I guess I never learned how to attach. Not really." He sighed, sprawling back, his head falling against the cushions. "Guess Jim never really learned how to attach either. Makes us a perfect set of losers, doesn't it?"

"You don't have to lose this time, Blair." Rafe assured him. "Jim knows....."

"Jim doesn't know shit." Blair fished around in his back pocket, pulling out the stolen straight-edge. "I took this when no one was looking." He tapped the closed blade against the palm of his hand. "Know why?"

Worry reflected in Rafe's dark gaze. "Blair...."

The younger man flipped out the blade, turning it this way and that to catch the dim light.. "This is why." He made a quick slice down his thumb. Blood welled up and plowed a winding river of red down toward his wrist.

Rafe took a slow step toward him. "Give me the razor, Blair."

Blair bolted to his feet, dodging the other man. "Don't panic, Rafe. I'm not suicidal."

"Blair, please, just give me the razor," Rafe said softly, glancing toward the bedroom "Come on, Kid, give it to me."

Blair shook his head. "Can't do that. Don't you get it? I need it, Rafe. It...Life... hurts too much. I can't hold it all together knowing I...." He shook his head, forbidding the rest pass his lips. "When it gets to be to much I need to let go of the pain."

"Then," Arms spread wide and unthreatening, Rafe closed in on him slowly. "Let go."

Blair stood, waiting, like a deer caught in the headlights, afraid, yet accepting in his fate. "Let go?"

"Let me have the razor, Blair." Rafe slipped deeper into Blair's space. And then he was upon him. Strong fingers closed around Blair's wrist. Keeping Blair's gaze enthralled, Rafe lifted the injured thumb to his mouth. His tongue slipped out to steal a glistening ruby dribble.

"Please..." Blair's breath hissed between them.

Rafe rubbed the steadily bleeding thumb against his lips, coloring them a dark ruby. He slowly licked the scarlet fluid from his lips, humming his need.

Blair's eyes widened, his desire flaring. "Rafe.."

A soft groan of hunger escaped Rafe's lips and he suckled the bleeding thumb in his mouth, savoring the unique Blairflavor.

Rafe's free arm slid around Blair's waist, drawing him close. Blair went into his arms, rubbing himself against Rafe's groin. He hardly noticed Rafe urging him steadily backward and then he was trapped between Rafe's hard body and the corner he'd backed him into.

A tongue of hot apprehension stiffened Blair's back. "Don‘t...."

Rafe's dark gaze captured his. "Don’t think, Blair, just feel."

Enthralled by the dark passion in the taller man‘s voice, Blair melted into the lean supporting body.

"There's a good boy." Rafe's free hand smoothed down Blair's arm, tickled over the back of his hand and eased the straight-edge out of Blair's unresisting grasp.

Blair's breathing raced in his chest and his eyes never left Rafe's mouth until his thumb slipped out of that well-versed mouth. Freed, he touched three fingers to the lips that had fed off his pain seconds before.

Rafe captured his hand, turning it to kiss the up-lifted palm. "That's my baby," he whispered.

Smiling dangerously, Rafe stroked the gleaming width of the blade over Blair's cheek. "You think this is the answer, sweet baby? You think you can control your pain by cutting yourself?" He leaned in, nuzzling Blair's warm, scented neck.

"Yeah," Blair sighed, tipping his head back so Rafe could get to where he wanted more easily.

"There is so much more to it, baby boy." Rafe's fingers tangled in Blair's, lifting them to kiss the smaller man's palm once more. "Did you stop to wonder what this razor was doing in our play box?" He bit the edge of Blair's palm, drawing a sharp hiss from him. "You stole my favorite toy, Blair." He licked the hurt away.

Blair groaned softly, arching into him.

Chuckling softly, Rafe breathed, "You like?" in his ear.

"Yeah," Blair's hollowed cheeks flushed, warmed by a delirious fever of want. "Oh, yeah."

Smiling crookedly, Rafe traced the flat edge of the razor over Blair's pouting lower lip. He bent, nuzzling Blair's ear. "Would you like it if I cut you?"

"Jesus, please..."

Chuckling, Rafe drew the blade lower, over Blair's trembling chin. Lower still, down the side of his throat, tracing the throbbing jugular. "If I was the jealous type," Rafe murmured dangerously, turning the blade so the sharp edge rode the pulsating tide of blood below the surface of Blair‘s skin.

Passion unfocused Blair's gaze, spiking his breathing. He leaned heavily on Rafe's supporting arms, his hips nudging the larger man. "God, Rafe."

The blade glided lower, traveling the broad, furred expanse of his chest, circling one taunt nipple, than back across Blair's chest to explore the other nip.

"Jim’s medical training in the special forces comes in handy when we’re playing rough, Blair." Rafe applied just enough pressure to the blade to make a small nick in Blair’s pec.

Blair bit back a passion filled moan, his body sliding wantonly over Rafe’s.

Rafe held him away just enough to look down Blair’s tight grained body. And chuckled. My, my. Look who is peeking out." His free hand smoothed down Blair’s side and tickled the edge of Blair’s waistband, making its way to the opened front of the smaller man’s jeans. Slanting a glance at Blair for a sign to continue, Rafe caressed the head of Blair’s cock with his forefinger, spreading a fine frosting of cum over the silken crown

Blair tipped his head back, panting. "You.....You won't tell him about...this...."

"Shush, baby." Rafe murmured, suckling the tender spot behind his ear. "Don’t think. Feel."

Thoughts of tomorrow faded and Blair trembled under Rafe’s intimate attention. "Oh God, Rafe....I need....God, its been too long since I had a real interest in...."

Rafe silenced him with a slow testing kiss. "Now, tell me what you need," he commanded, sharing Blair’s sweet breath.

"You." Blair lowered his lashes and dipped his head so his curls hid his face. "Please, Rafe..."

Rafe brushed the silken strands away, exposing the long column of his neck. He leaned down, tonguing Blair’s ear lobe, teeth tugging at the tiny stud.

Blair whimpered, melting into the detective’s supporting body. "Oh, Rafe...God..."

"What do you want, Blair?" Rafe whispered, a smile in his words.

"You." Blair’s hands skimmed up Rafe’s chest, pinching his stiffened nips. "Let me please you, Rafe."

A dark scowl tugged Rafe’s brows together and he gently pushed Blair back to stare down at him. "Don’t play me, Blair."

Blair blanched, his eyes darting away. "I don’t know what you mean."

"Yes," Rafe chuckled, drawing him back against his warmth. "Yes, you do, Sandburg." He settled a brief kiss on the sweet scented curls. "I won’t use you for my own pleasure, Kid."

"But..."

Rafe laid a finger over Blair’s quivering lips, silencing him. "If we play," He stroked Blair’s bicep with the flat of the razor’s blade. "If we play, its the whole thing. No games. Understand?"

"If..." Blair swallowed hard, trapped in Rafe’s smoldering gaze. "If I can’t do that..."

"I won’t have a fake in my bed, rentboy. I don’t waste my time on cheats."

A violent tremor shook Blair and the color fled his wane features. "Then you won’t want me." He set his hands against Rafe’s chest and tried to press out of the taller man’s possessive embrace.

One hand caught in Blair’s curls at the nape of his neck. Rafe gently tugged the tangled silk, forcing Blair to look him in the eye. "You don’t have to pretend anymore, kid. Not with me." He leaned close sharing warm breath. "Or Jim."

"Not Jim," Blair rasped, panic darkening his eyes. "Oh, please, I couldn’t stand it if Jim knew..."

Rafe silenced him with a tender kiss. "He already knows." The tall detective turned Blair's wrist up and tongued the soft exposed flesh. "He understands." He sucked hard, bringing up a deep bruise.

Blair arched against him, burying his face in Rafe's shoulder.

"Blair, look at me." Rafe curled his fist in Blair's loose curls and used a gentle tug to force him to obey. "Its time to submit, Blair. To me....And to Jim. You can't escape. You will belong to us, by any means necessary."

"I...can't...." Tears glistened in his eyes. "My family won't approve. I'll wake up one day and you'll be...."

"Gone?" Rafe asked softy. "Is that what you're afraid of? That something will happen to Jim if you stay with him?"

"Nick is waiting for me. He's safe. The family will leave him alone."

"But you love Jim. He's been right all along, hasn't he? You love him?"

"He loves you." Blair laid the back of his hand against Rafe's cheek. "He's safe with you."

"But you love him. Dammit, admit the truth, Sandburg. You love him."

"Yes. Yes, I love him more than I ever thought I could love anyone." He closed his eyes against his tears. "I’d die for him if it would keep him safe."

"That’s all I needed to know."

Rafe claimed Blair’s lips for a breath stealing kiss. leaving Blair clinging to him while he trailed hungry kisses over his neck and chest.

And maneuvered him into the bedroom, into the waiting bed, and Jim’s unsuspecting arms.

end part 10