Title: Into The Abyss

Author/pseudonym: PEJA

Fandom: The Big Apple

Pairing: Mike/Vince Trout

Rating: R, was gonna make this NC-17....but I changed my mind.

Status: complete

Archive: the WWOMB. It is available upon request elsewhere, but only with the author's permission. If you've already got permission to use my stories, just let me know if you take it. and where it's going.

E-mail: daltonavon@yahoo.com

Website: https://www.squidge.org/~peja/

Series/Sequel:

Other websites

Disclaimers:

Notes: Once more we are delving into my dark side. The boys had better hang on to each other or they are lost souls on the highway of my imagination.

Summary: After the shooting, Mike steps in to save his partner.

by PEJA

Mike had been watching his partner descending into a dark abyss of depression at a steadily increasing pace since the shooting a week ago. Seven days, gaining speed as he neared the depths of his emotional well

Vince sat at his desk, reading a file he'd processed through hours ago. It wasn't surprising to Mike. It was damn hard to read when the world in your mind kept replaying the killing shot over and over. Judging from the detective's pale, drawn features, he'd witnessed the soul wounding moment in time more that his mind could tolerate.

"Hey Trout," Mike said softly. he'd been soft around Vince for the last seven days, not wanting to abuse already too taunt nerves.

Taking a steadying breath, Vince laid the file down and turned haunted eyes on his partner. "Yeah."

Mike watched the full lips curve into the usual boyish grin but wasn't fooled for a moment. The fire that made the grin real was gone, leaving a garish illusion of reality

"Wrap it up and lets get the hell out of here, buddy."

Vince cast a quick glance at the time. "What? Did we get a call?"

Mike forced his own grin, tossing Vince his jacket. "Nope. We're going to play hooky."

"Hooky?"

"Skipping class, partner. Come on, we're blowing this scene."

Vince shrugged into his jacket, staring at his partner as if he'd grown a second head. "Blowing this scene?"

Mike hooked Vince's arm, dragging him through the sparsely populated squadroom. "Go with the flow, Vince." Mike tried for lightness. "Come on, let's get out of here."

Sighing, Vince shoved his files into the top drawer and followed his partner down to the car. He held his silence, staring out the side window through the short trip to Mike's apartment.

As Mike pulled up and stopped the car, Vince finally turned a curious look toward the older man. "What are we doing here, Mike?"

The detective grinned and reached behind the seat for a brown wrapped bottle. "We're going to....relax." He pushed out of the car and led the way to his place.

********

Vince poured himself a third drink sighing. "He was surprised." he muttered, more to himself than to the man listening intently at his side. "He never expected me to fire back."

"You did what you had to do, Vince."

The younger man arched a brow, chuckling his disbelief. "Yeah. Right."

Mike cupped Vince's downcast face, forcing him to lift his gaze until their eyes met. "You did what you had to do."

"I didn't join the force to kill anyone."

"Death is a part of the job, Vince. You knew that when you decided to be a cop. You know it now. You had no other choice."

Something broke inside Vince's shadowed gaze and tears slipped past the barrier of his lashes. "You really believe that?"

Mike's smile was a slow assurance. "I do," he said with a firm nod. "And so did IA. The shooting cleared without a hitch."

A shudder rippled through Vince's lean frame. "I....I..God, Mike, it hurts."

Mike gathered the trembling man in a loose embrace. "I know, Vinnie. I know."

"Why'd he have to force it, Mike?" Vince whispered against Mike's neck. "Why did he make me shoot him?"

A soft sniffle had Mike's arms tightening around the younger detective. "Let it go, Vinnie," he murmured against silky black hair. "Let it all go."

As if he'd been given the permission he could not give himself, Vince broke into heart-breaking sobs. Tears dampened Mike's neck and Vince's fingers tangled in the older man's shirt.

"He couldn't believe I'd killed him," Vince rasped after a time. I could see the disbelief in his eyes. Even when I was holding him. When I tried to stop the bleeding with my own hands. I could see the blame." He choked on that. "There was so much blood, Mike. So much. And it wouldn't stop pouring out of him. I tried....but I couldn't push it back into him. I couldn't...." His fingers jerked spasmodically against Mike's chest. "I'll carry the memory of his blood on my hands the rest of my life."

Hush, Vinnie. Hush." Mike crooned. "I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it will get easier.

"You've killed in the line of duty, haven't you, Mike?" the question was a mere whisper.

Mike went still for a moment, then began rocking the man in h is arms gently. "Yeah. Yeah, a couple times."

Swallowing a broken sigh, Vince nodded. "I thought so." he gave a rueful chuckle. "And you got past it."

"Yeah," Mike's voice thickened. "Yeah, I got over it."

Vince nodded again. "Its funny. Remembering it now."

"Funny?"

"Uh huh....I mean, I know I killed him. I did kill him." His eyes locked on Mike's. "But, Mike, it feels like someone else pulled the trigger. Thinking back over it, it feels like it wasn't me. Like someone else was in control of what my hands were doing." Ducking his face back against Mike's chest, he tossed out a harsh laugh. "How sick is that?"

"Not sick," Mike assured him, brushing a kiss over the silky hair under his lips. "Human nature. Its just human nature."

Vince tilted his head back, staring up at his partner with mixed unreadable emotions. "You...."

"Yeah, I know."

A small smile curved his lips. "How come?"

"Do we need to desect it?"

Mike burrowed his face into Mike's neck, breathing softly. "Nah." His tongue darted out, tasting the skin under it. "Mmmm, nice."

"Vince," Mike pulled back a bit, suddenly uncertain.

Vince's hand snaked up around Mike's neck, easing him back. "I've seen you looking at me, partner. It's okay." he stretched up, brushing his lips against Mike's. "You haven't changed your mind have you?"

Mike laughed nervously. "I'm not sure I'd made up my mind yet," he admitted.

Vince's fingers strayed to Mike's shirt buttons. "I won't disappoint you."

Mike captured the fluttering hand, brought it to his lips and kissed the fingers. "I know that, Vinnie, but I need you to understand I don't want a one night stand. Not with you."

Vince rocked back this time. "What do you want, Mike?"

Mike cupped Vince's cheek. "I want...Vince, I need to know your not just using me to forget for awhile. I need you to want this as much as I want it."

"I do."

"I need...forever."

Vince sprang away "Forever?" he rasped, eyes wide and frightened. "I...I...Jesus, Mike...Forever?"

Mike grinned ruefully "Shell-shocked, huh Vinnie?"

"Damn," The younger man stared a long moment, then nodded. "Damn, you know how to get a man out of his thoughts, don't ya, partner?"

Mike sighed, leaning back against the sofa. "I understand if you can't handle that, Vinnie. I just can't take less."

Vince grinned. "Okay."

Mike bolted out of his resigned pose. "O....kay?"

"Yep. Okay." Vince grinned widely. "Forever sounds like a nice place to start."

"You....You're serious?"

Vince hurled himself at the other man, straddling him. His lips swooped down for a soul drenching kiss that left Mike gasping. "Serious enough for ya?"

Mike framed the other man's face with his hands, smiling broadly. "You're not gonna regret this, Vinnie. I swear it."

Vince leaned close, his breath flavoring Mike's air. "Never doubted it for a minute."

Mike pulled him down for a testing kiss. Vince groaned softly, his lips parting, inviting, and Mike accepted, deepening the kiss. Vince hissed a pleasured groan, his tongue dancing excitedly, enticing Mike to taste him completely.

After a time, Mike pulled away, breathing heavily, and searched Vince's passion bright gaze. "I love you, Vinnie." he said at last.

Vince smiled tenderly. "Never doubted it for a minute.

THE END?