TITLE: NEW BEGINNINGS 3: YOU TOUCH ME
AUTHOR: PEJA
FANDOM: THE SENTINEL
SERIES: New Beginnings
RATING: NC-17
SUMMARY: Morning after grimness.
DISCLAIMERS: they belong to me in my dreams...and then I wake up
EMAIL: daltonavon@yahoo.com
FEEDBACK: I write to the demands of my readers.
ARCHVE: To the WWOMB
AUTHOR'S WEBSITE: https://www.squidge.org/~peja/
By PEJA
Blair woke slowly, snuggling in the arms that held him for a brief moment before his brain engaged enough to realize the body next to him was not woman, but man....And a mighty big man at that.
Okay, think, Blair. What have you done this time?
Reaching for wakefulness, memories of last night kicked him in the gut. "This sucks," he mumbled. "This really sucks."
Biting at his lower lip, Blair tried to shift free of the arms that held him, but even asleep Jim was not ready to let him go. Strong arms tightened, pulling him closer.
Mistake. Oh man, this was a mistake of major proportions. You got a death wish, Sandburg? You know coming back here is just gonna end up killing you.
Jim brushed a kiss against Blair's tousled hair. "Morning, Blair."
Blair felt his heart rate spike. And knew Jim heard it.
Jim curled a finger under Blair's chin, compelling him to meet his worried eyes. "Regrets?"
"To late for regrets, Ellison." Blair mumbled.
"But you're still having them, Sandburg." Jim retreated across the bed, the self-preserving walls coming up. "I shouldn't have pushed."
Way too vulnerable lying naked in the bed, Blair scrambled into his pants, leaving them open in front. "I could have said no. My emotions were running too damn high. It made me do....."
"Don't..." Jim whispered, moving off the bed and reaching for his own pants. "Don't say it was a mistake."
"Jim...."
"Blair...I need you. You're what keeps me going. Don't take you away from me again."
"Jim..." Blair waved his hands helplessly. "Last night.... God, now in the light of day....Jim, I'm confused, man. We rushed things, know what I mean? Now...."
"Don't spoil it, Blair." Jim rasped, turning his back on the confused man.
Blair spiraled down onto the rumpled bed. "What do you want from me, man? I feel like my life has entered the yo-yo zone."
"I see." Jim braced his shoulders, nodding. "At least let me make you breakfast before...." He shuddered, shrinking before Blair's eyes. "Just take a minute." And was gone down the stairs before Blair could say a word.
"Smooth." Blair groaned, flopping back on the bed. "God, when you make a mess, you make a mess."
******
Blair hesitated at the bottom of the stairs, watching Jim move jerkily through the chore of preparing breakfast, setting the table and trying not to shatter into a million pieces before time.
He looked as if he'd aged a hundred years in the span of a few moments.
"I didn't mean for this to happen, Jim"
Jim reeled back as if he'd been struck. Sucking in a harsh breath, he nodded. "No problem, Sandburg. Life happens. Guess I had this coming a long time."
He set two plates of steak, eggs and potatoes down and forced a smile. "Come eat. Let's make this break as pleasant as possible.
Blair crossed the room and settled down in his place at the table. The sight of the food made his stomach twist drastically but he picked up the fork. "Looks good, Jim." He forced himself to take a bit, tasting ash instead of eggs. "Perfect. Just the way I like them."
God, don't let me be sick.
"Least I could do after....." Jim choked on the words, then, looking up, forced a smile that failed to be anything but wane. "If nothing else, you taught me some damn fine cooking skills, huh?" he said, kicking his food around the plate with his fork.
Ah, man, I can't do this.
Blair set his fork down and pushed the plate away. "Look, Jim, I've got an early class.... "
Jim lost what little color he had. "Yeah, okay. Just...I have to say something before you leave, okay? Just a minute and then I'll let you go."
Blair hesitated, then nodded.
"Yeah, sure. I can take a minute."
Jim sighed. "I need you to know that ever since I met you...." Jim tossed Blair a small smile. "Well, after I started listening, there was always a small part of you that touched me." He held Blair's eyes bravely. "Even when there was a whole lot about you...damn near everything about you, I didn't understand, there was still that small part of you that touched me.
"Jim...."
"No pressure, Blair. Just needed to tell you." He stood up, snatching up the untouched plates and scrapped them before dropping them in the sink and turning on the water. "Maybe I'll see you around, huh?" Moving mechanically, Jim began washing up. "You know where the door is, right? I'd see you out, but....."
"Yeah, sure." Blair rose, drinking in the sight of his sentinel one last time. "See ya around." he bolted for the door.
******
Hearing the snick of the door, Jim finally let his tears fall.
Moving like an automation he finished cleaning up the loft then climbed the stairs to the loft. The mussed bed dragged a harsh sob from his raw throat.
He stripped away the bedding and made up the bed, glanced around for anything else that might be out of place then drew his service revolver from the drawer, chambered a shell and lifted the gun to his temple......
-30-